I acquired Iron Commando (cartridge only) on October 11, 2006 for just $19.50. Today is lucky Friday the 13th, July 2018. And there’s a copy of this game complete in box going for $1,000 on eBay. Good God almighty. Holy crap am I glad I got back into the Super Nintendo when I did. I remember seeing screenshots of Iron Commando back in 2006 and thinking to myself, “This looks like it could be one of the real unheralded hidden gems of the SNES library.” Back in 2006, very few people were talking about Iron Commando. It was truly obscure then, whereas now it’s much more well known in the SNES community. I wrote a quick review of this game back in late 2006 and did my part to help spread the word. Unfortunately, I wasn’t too impressed with it. 12 years later and I still feel the same way. It’s a great looking game that had tons of potential but the end product just doesn’t execute like I had hoped. Hey, you win some, you lose some. I’m just glad my curiosity was cured in 2006 and for less than $20 too.
WHERE’S MY TOKEN FEMALE?
There are only two characters to pick from: Jack or Chang Li (no relation to Chun-Li). Most beat ‘em ups from the era had at least three choices. Sure, the token female is overly done but there’s a reason for it: to offer variety and more options. So right away we’re off to a less than ideal start but I disregarded my initial disappointment about the lack of a third hero. I just had a good feeling the gameplay was going to make up for it. Boy, was I off. On the bright side, two players can play simultaneously.
THE CITY
The first level opens up with a gnarly quote. It’s cheesy as hell but I loved it. Quotes occasionally appear at the bottom throughout this first level. It lends a B-Movie feel to the game but only appears in this stage, for better or worse. Iron Commando offers a myriad of weapons: 9mm pistols, rifles, machine guns, knives, baseball bats — I’m shocked there wasn’t a chainsaw as well!
That’s what I call a double play
Game looks badass, no? It looks like a lost treasure — how did this NOT make North America? But then you sadly realize that even the lowliest enemies take forever to kill, and weapons BARELY do any damage at all! It’s as if the game is unfinished or still in its testing phase. It shouldn’t take me an endless barrage of hits to beat a common thug with a baseball bat. That just renders the baseball bat useless. If the damage ratio was fixed, Iron Commando would be infinitely better.
Don’t text and drive, kids…
This has to be a first in beat ‘em up history: the first boss being a truck.
THE ROAD
Welcome to the first of several auto scrolling stages. Two things are required for this stage to properly enjoy it…
1. Blasting Born to Be Wild by Steppenwolf
2. Constant maniacal laughter
Trust me on this one, especially #2.
That’ll teach themOr maybe notI love the classic red flashingTakes me back to my NES daysIt reminds me of Cadillacs and Dinosaurs
THE FOREST
Rejects from SUNSET RIDERSLove this game!
THE WAREHOUSE
Yeah, killing dogs (even if they’re rabid ones) with a baseball bat would never have cleared Nintendo of America. They would probably turn those canines into mutant rats. Wolfenstein 3D knows.
From the dingy dock to the interior of a creepy flickering warehouse you go. It’s a well done effect that you really didn’t see many SNES games utilizing. Notice the SLIVER of daylight in the bottom left hand corner there. Nice.
Didn’t Big Tom’s mom teach him not to play with knives in the dark? Tsk tsk.
This is a cool boss fight thanks to the light that flickers in and out. It takes me back to all those haunted house attractions I went to as a kid… and ahem, as an adult…
THE TEMPLE
Enemies often crowd you; Iron Commando suffers from cheap mandatory damage syndrome. It’s quite annoying and drags down the experience. It’s pretty cool that sometimes there are four enemies on screen (most SNES beat ‘em ups keep it to three max at a time) but this actually works against Iron Commando since the enemies are really tough and hit you way too much. You almost have to play this game with a friend if you want to enjoy it.
Snakes on a pl — ground
Unmercifully cheap and annoying, you’ll hate snakes even more than the Medusa Heads in Castlevania. Yes, these slithering serpents are THAT bad.
Yes, those spikes are moving…
Better kill him before the spiked wall impales you!
If the spiked wall or the boss doesn’t kill you, the spikes on the far right might!
THE BEACH
Bring your sandals and knife
A fun little DID YOU KNOW fact: these guys were all extras for Michael Jackson’s epic music video BEAT IT.
Beat it, beat it! No one wants to be defeated!
THE MINE
Yet another auto scrolling section strikes. It’s definitely a “little” more violent than the minecart ride in Donkey Kong Country…
THE CAMP
Animal lovers, look awayKinda reminds me of Cadillacs and Dinosaurs
Between the variety of violent weapons you can use and the cheesy quotes that pop up, Iron Commando might be the closest thing on the SNES to Capcom’s 1993 brawler, Cadillacs and Dinosaurs. It’s a shame though that Iron Commando is nowhere as good and that Capcom never gave us a home port of that title.
His name is even Jack, too!Some of the enemies even look alike…
THE JEEP
Like sitting, er, standing ducks
THE ROBOT
Quite a dramatic entranceEat your heart out, Konami
You’ll not only have to worry about Mr. Roboto but regular enemies as well. Killing them will allow you to gain access to their weapons. But beware of the robot’s laser beams and giant frisky hands. This fight lasts forever on account of poor damage ratio. That’s a shame because it ruins the whole moment, which starts out really cool but whittles down your excitement as the fight drags on and on and on…
A SECOND LEASE ON LIFE
Iron Commando was released on February 10, 1995, in Japan in limited quantities. It is one of the harder to find Super Famicom games. Apparently, it was also leaked out in the European market. But in mid 2017, a company by the name of Piko Interactive re-released Arcade Zone’s brawler so that it might find a bigger audience.
Piko also re-released Legend
Legend was Arcade Zone’s other SNES beat ‘em up, but that game saw an actual SNES release back in April of 1994. So why did Piko re-release a game that actually had an official North American release? Because of the Iron Commando tie-in, the re-release is also (naturally) much cheaper than what original copies of Legend run for today and why the hell not. I’m thankful I already own both games, though. If I didn’t, I might have gone the Piko route. Original copies fetch way too much these days.
Pretty cool packaging to boot
It’s always nice to see anything SNES-related getting relaunched in some aspect. Even though I already own all the games I’ve ever wanted, it’s always nice to see my dear old friend in the headlines once again, even if it isn’t front page news.
CLOSING THOUGHTS
“Man, meet ups getting shady…”
On the surface, Iron Commando looks the part. If you see it in still shots you can’t help but think to yourself, “Man this game looks good!” It also makes one hopeful that it will play just like the glorious beat ‘em ups of yore. Unfortunately, Iron Commando only looks the part. It fails to play the part as well, which is infinitely more important than looking the part. The pros are obvious. The sprites are huge and look great. The overall look and aesthetic of the game pulls you in — it looks just like an arcade brawler from 1993 that you would play with your pals right after scarfing down some piping hot pepperoni pizza. It’s visually very distinctive and the weapon choice is undeniably badass. No other beat ‘em up on the SNES has as many tools of destruction. From Louisville Sluggers to sawed off shotguns, Iron Commando is drowning in an ocean of violent solutions.
But here comes the ever so dreaded BUT part. Even on Easy, the game is insanely (and unnecessarily) difficult. You suffer countless unavoidable hits as enemies surround and flank you. It makes it really difficult to get into any sort of enjoyable flow when bad guys are bouncing you around like a pinball. The damage distribution is another glaring issue. Doing a 3-hit combo barely ticks their health. What gives? This dragged the whole experience down for me as punches and throws seem to have minimal impact. Initially, I thought to myself, “Ah don’t worry. The weapons will surely even up the odds.”Wrong. Weapon damage ratio isn’t much better. This is both ludicrous and inexcusable. If, however, you can look past these warts, Iron Commando can be a decent good time in brief bursts. With unique graphics and a B-Movie feel, the 2 player mode at least offers some thrills and spills. Still, one can’t help but feel this game massively misses the mark. What should have been an awesome beat ‘em up for the ages and a brawler lionized by a legion of fans is instead reduced to being, at best, an infamous case of “it’s not too bad, BUT…”
Capcom ported over two of their 1991 arcade beat ‘em ups, King of Dragons and Knights of the Round, to the Super Nintendo in the spring of 1994. A three year gap was an unusually long time for an arcade game to be ported back in those days, so both conversions were a pleasant surprise. Arcade translations typically came out a year (or two) later. Well, Capcom one upped themselves when they released yet another 1991 arcade brawler, Captain Commando, to the SNES in the late summer of 1995. Coming out a whopping four years later from its original arcade release, Captain Commando was an aging relic at a time where beat ‘em ups had lost a lot of their luster. Because it came out so late in the SNES’ lifespan, it never really got the attention it surely would have gotten had it came out three years prior in 1992. A bit of an ill-timed release, Capcom nevertheless forged ahead. And quite frankly, I’m glad they did. While it is a watered down version of the arcade original (as most 16-bit ports at the time were), Captain Commando is a reminder of the early ’90s when side scrolling brawlers ruled the scene. But I’m getting ahead of myself, let’s start back at the beginning…
CAPCOM’S “MASCOT”
Captain Commando (geddit?) served as sort of a mascot for Capcom. He made his debut in 1985 in the Ghosts ‘N Goblins manual.
Then he began thanking you for buying Capcom’s games. This comes from 1987’s Mega Man instruction manual.
He showed up once again the following year in the sequel, Mega Man 2, thanking you for your purchase and support of Capcom. As you can see, he has altered his look over the years. Gotta keep up with the times, eh?
Captain Commando disappeared from making instruction booklet cameos by the time 1990’s Mega Man 3 rolled around. Then in 1991, it happened. Captain Commando received his very own game. Final Fight was a huge success in 1989 so Capcom was hoping for more of the same magic with Captain Commando. Fast forward to 1995. At last, Capcom converted Captain Commando to the SNES. Sacrifices were made but we’ll get to that later. For me, it was just good to finally see the good Captain and his unusual friends beating up hoodlums in my living room.
THE STORY GOES…
Taking place in the far flung future of 2026 (which is currently only 8 years away), Scumocide and his cronies are looking to rule over Metro City. Fun fact: this is the same Metro City from Capcom’s first beat ‘em up, Final Fight.
THE COMMANDOS
Captain Commando can electrocute bad guys and set them on fire. Yeah, he’s pretty bad ass. Ginzu the Ninja capitalizes on the obsession with ninjas back in the late ’80s and early ’90s.
Captain Commando doesn’t feature your prototypical cast. Look no further than these two. Mack is a mummy-like alien that looks more like one of the goons rather than one of our heroes. Baby Head is a a super genius baby who fights riding on an advanced mech suit that he himself built. Now that says it all, does it not?
MISSION 1: THE CITY
Captain Commando features 9 stages. The first one takes place in the City. I love little details like being able to shatter the store windows.
Enemies come bounding out of the sewers similar to the Foot Soldiers from Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles IV: Turtles In Time. Too bad you can’t fling the manhole covers back at them, though. On the bright side, unlike Turtles in Time, there’s no danger of falling through the manhole and losing precious life.
Rushing attacks are nice. I like how this first stage scrolls downward a bit. It’s a small touch that I appreciate, especially seeing as how most beat ‘em ups simply go from left to right with zero variation.
Hammer time! If you zoom in or squint, you can see a statue of Haggar there. As stated earlier, this is Metro City in the year 2026. The first boss is Dolg.
Cosplaying as a lost member of the Road Warriors (AKA Legion of Doom), Dolg is more bark than bite. When in a pinch, use Mack’s special spinning attack to clear the room.
MISSION 2: THE MUSEUM
Breaking the glass isn’t necessary — it’s mandatory. You’re then dropped into the bowels of this shady museum where you’ll run into savage neanderthals with names like Samson and Organo. I’m not ashamed to admit that the creepy lifeless family that stares at you in the background slightly gives me the heebie jeebies.
Barrels can be a lifesaver. Save the meat until your health is low. The oddly named boss here, Shtrom Jr., looks like a Radiation Ranger reject from Toxic Crusaders.
MISSION 3: THE NINJA HOUSE
Moving on to the Ninja House, you’re greeted by the heel wearing Mardia, a formidable female fighter who assuredly has never skipped leg day. Don’t forget to watch your back or else those knife throwing thugs will make you pay. A less muscular female attacks with stun rods. I like how this stage transitions from the city to a rural dojo.
Ninjas ruled the day back in the late ’80s and early ’90s. This game has them well represented. Not only can you BE a ninja but you’ll fight lots of ninjas, too. If the action gets too hot, try using the laser gun.
Musashi makes quite the entrance. Two questions: Is this Ronin 47 and where’s Keanu Reeves when you need him? Later on, more ninjas attempt to ambush you.
Crowded? Use your special move to make room. Watch out for their shurikens!
Luckily, this is just a (brilliant) fake out scene. You escape by the skin of your teeth without having to fight them.
However, going inside isn’t much better. Meet Yamato, a kabuki warrior wielding a halberd. He reminds me of Kyoshiro from Samurai Shodown fame, or should I say vice versa.
MISSION 4: CIRCUS CAMP
Ahhhh, the Circus. Where you can obtain fancy art and set folks on fire. Fun for the whole family!
Wookys (gotta love that name) are so fun to beat up. I’ve come to learn that any door brandishing the word DANGER on it is not playing…
Shatter the glass on your way to the boss whose name is “Monster.” Real creative there, Capcom…
Things got a little too hot for Mack so in comes the Cap! I love how he can set enemies on fire as well as electrocute them. Look at Dr. Tea Water getting all bent out of shape there.
MISSION 5: SEA PORT
Bailing so fast, Doc? This surfing bit adds some variety to the gameplay and helps to break up the monotony. Pick up a machine gun and let ‘er rip! Where do you think 1993’s Surf Ninjas got their inspiration from? Ah hell if I know.
Careful trying to jump kick those billboards. In this case, sometimes boards do hit back. But you know what — or who — doesn’t? Poor ol’ Dr. Tea Water that’s who!
MISSION 6: AQUARIUM
Electrocution vs. fire… who’s going to win? Fire, I see.
Wookys come out of the woodwork. Break the blocks there to reveal a gun. Shockingly, it does little damage but what great fun you’ll have shooting it.
Mysteriously named Z, he knows how to reach out and touch somebody. Unleash the Captain Corridor when you’re surrounded. Such a basic yet cool looking move.
Temporary invincibility is granted whenever you lose a life. I love the double and triple vision that this effect produces.
Somebody’s gonna get fired for attacking the wrong side! I love when games allow enemies to hurt their own kind on accident. It somehow makes the game feel a little more realistic. But best of all, it’s simply a hoot to see!
Remember Shtrom Jr.? Now meet his dad and his dad’s right hand man. Use Baby Head’s Knee Rocket to even up the odds.
MISSION 7: UNDERGROUND BASE
Beware of falling barrels. Give it your best Macho Man Randy Savage elbow drop impersonation. This is another level that scrolls downward. Nice.
Hitting a baby seems so wrong on every account, and that includes genius babies riding mech suits. But I suppose when a baby hits you in the face with a knee rocket, all bets are off (even though technically you should be dead).
Ginzu’s the name and slicing and dicing is his game!
Surrounded by two towering thugs? Hit them with the Smoke Bomb.
Originally named Blood, he’s been renamed Boots. Lame. Speaking of lame, the big brute blows up his desk to reveal a tunnel hatch where he attempts to escape. Fall down the rabbit hole and make him pay.
Captain Commando to the rescue!
MISSION 8: ENEMY SPACESHIP
Certainly will keep you on your toes. Hasty players may get zapped.
Assassin by day, hooker by night. They can even zap their fellow enemies!
“Thanks for the help, fat boys! Now my turn to give y’all a gift in return.”
Doppel replicates himself into all versions of the Commando team. You must beat all of them to defeat him.
MISSION 9: CALLISTO
Callisto, an enigmatic planet somewhere in the cosmos, is the site of the final battle. The first boss is back to exact revenge. Although it teases a possible boss rush, it thankfully isn’t. Check out the creepy (and probably wealthy) monsters in the background with babes hanging on every which side. It has a Mos Eisley Cantina vibe (from Star Wars fame). I almost expect Harrison Ford to come bounding in any second now as Han Solo!
Defeat Dolg and the hideous picture lifts, revealing Scumocide’s home base.
Heavier than a tank and taller than a mountain, Scumocide is a suitably intimidating final boss. Where’s The Hulk when you need him?
Whether he’s freezing your ass into a block of ice or incinerating your flesh, Scumocide doesn’t mess around.
Everyone has a weakness, even big badass warlords. Grab him, smash in his coconuts and finish him off with a piledriver that would make Haggar proud.
YOU’RE WELCOME, MARVEL
Scumocide defeated and world domination thwarted, Metro City celebrates its freedom and victory. When out of nowhere the good Cap appears on the screen to give the city a brief message. When asked who he is, he responds in dramatic fashion. It would have made Tony Stark himself blush. Hey where do you think Iron Man got its ending from?
ARCADE COMPARISON
As was the norm for arcade ports on the SNES, there’s an obvious drop in visual quality. But surprisingly, the sprites in the SNES port aren’t much smaller if at all. The colors aren’t as vibrant but the core basics are there. At least they are for the most part, anyhow.
One of the biggest differences is the toned down violence. Ginzu could slice enemies in half in the arcade version. Obviously, Nintendo was not going to allow that for the SNES port. It’s a bummer for sure but for me not a deal breaker.
Mack can melt bums to the boneNinja on ninja violence. Say it ain’t soThat’s gonna leave a mark…“THIS ONE’S FOR CAP!”“And this one… THIS ONE’S FOR ME!!”Sadly the robot suits are missing from the SNES version
Arguably the biggest omission however is the lack of robots to ride.
A baby riding a mech suit riding a robot!
The other big sacrifice of course was going from 4 players in the arcade to only 2 players in the SNES port. But seeing as how there is no beat ‘em up on the SNES featuring 3 or 4 players co-op (I don’t count Peace Keepers since that was a special mode and doesn’t involve enemies), this shouldn’t shock anyone.
WHERE HAVE I SEEN THAT BEFORE?
Konami you sneaky bastards. Contra III: The Alien Wars (1992) is one of the best SNES action games ever made but damn if that intro doesn’t resemble Captain Commando (1991).
Shtrom Jr. and the Radiation Ranger (from Toxic Crusaders) bear more than a passing resemblance to one another.
Maybe it’s just me but the burning animation in Captain Commando reminds me of the burning scenes in Halloween II (1981). Especially the end where Michael Myers falls down on his knees before flopping face first.
I see you, Boogeyman…And I’ll see you again in theaters October 19!
LIFE AFTER
Fans of Captain Commando would have to wait until Marvel vs. Capcom (1998) to use the good Captain once again.
He even got his own action figureCan’t wait for the Venom movie (October 5, 2018)Ginzu makes a cameo and gives the assistAh, the whole gang back. Just like old timesStanding by Spider Man and Captain AmericaHe would return in Marvel vs. Capcom 2 (2000)
His next appearance came in Namco x Capcom (2005). However, he did not return in Marvel vs. Capcom 3 (2011) or its follow-up, Ultimate Marvel vs. Capcom 3. The next time we would see Captain Commando, or his costume anyhow, came in Street Fighter V as a costume unlock for Charlie Nash. The world awaits his next return. Or at least, me and four others, anyhow.
GRAPHIC NOVELS
That’s not creepy and cult-like at all…Not sure what’s happening but it can’t be goodTold ‘cha
You wouldn’t know it if you’ve only played the censored SNES version but the universe of Captain Commando is quite barbaric. The arcade original was gruesome especially for its time and that violence is reflected in the manga series.
WHAT THE CRITICS SAID
Watered down. Geddit? Sorry
Captain Commando didn’t get much pub in the press because it came out fairly late in the Super Nintendo’s lifespan. That and I think because it was a port of an arcade game four years old, it never received the press it would have had it come out a few years prior. EGM, GameFan and Super Play didn’t review it. As for SNES players, it’s got something of a mixed reputation. Of course it’s been watered down in its arcade to home translation, but some still find it pretty fun. Others can’t overlook all the censorship. Whatever the case may be, copies of this game currently fetch triple figures online. Most SNES games now go for a pretty penny and this is certainly no exception.
If you can look past this, you might still enjoy it
CLOSING THOUGHTS
People can hate on this port all they want, but I love the fact that Capcom gave it to us, period. They didn’t have to. After four long years they had every right to make other games for the SNES — a system that was inching closer and closer to the end of its glorious run. And yet Capcom didn’t. It’s far from perfect and sure, I’m as bummed out as anyone that the gore was removed and especially the robots to ride. But at the end of the day, those are only small components to the game. The question is, does the game itself still play well? And my answer is a semi-resounding YES. I love a well made beat ‘em up and while this isn’tthe pinnacle, it’s still a pretty solid example of the genre.
“Spare a dollar, pal?”
Graphically, it’s far from Capcom’s best. The visuals even appear a bit drab in places. But I feel it fits the game; there’s sort of an appropriate bleakness to future Metro City where Scumocide and his cronies (attempt to) rule. The sound effects unfortunately are not up to par by Capcom standards. Punches and strikes don’t have that satisfying OOMPH to them. Enemies also sound weird and off when dispose of. But the most important aspect of any game is how well it plays and Capcom did a good job there. The game is easy to pick up and it’s enjoyable especially if you don’t obsess over what it’s missing from its arcade original.
You still get all four Commandos and I like this cast of misfits a lot more than I do many others. I mean, you got a mummy alien and a baby genius riding a mech suit that he himself built! It’s bonkers and I love that it doesn’t take itself too seriously. A post-apocalyptic Sci-Fi atmosphere runs rampant throughout. Sometimes the action and enemy clones in these type of games can get rather repetitive but for me that’s not the case here. The enemies are just so wonderfully bizarre, despite the obvious tropes. The stages aren’t overly long nor is the game overly hard. It doesn’t wear out its welcome and is something you can pop in for some quick mindless action. I still play it randomly once every few years and it always leaves me with a smile on my face.
In 1991, Capcom released two medieval-related beat ‘em ups. One was called Knights of the Round and the other, King of Dragons. Interestingly enough, Capcom released both games on the SNES some three years later in 1994 and in the same month no less. It was a bit unusual to see such late conversions — usually ports were handled within two years if not one — but boy am I glad that didn’t stop Capcom. While naturally there were quite a few sacrifices made, namely going from three player co-op to two, reduced sprite size and less enemies on screen, back in the ’90s these home ports were the best we could do at the time and we always made the most out of it. Some conversions were handled better than others, and thankfully, King of Dragons can be considered as a fairly faithful translation of its 1991 original. So if you’re into fantasy beasts (such as Wyverns, Cyclops and Minotaurs) and you enjoy medieval warfare with a decidedly Dungeons & Dragons fare, then you’ll find yourself right at home.
Just a shame Capcom didn’t use this box art instead
THE STORY GOES…
Not exactly the most riveting or original plot, but hey, who plays beat ‘em ups for their storyline? I sure as hell don’t! Give me a big sword, some nasty bad guys to kill and watch me grin from ear to ear as I wipe the floor with the lot of them!
THE WARRIORS
One of the best features about King of Dragons is the five different characters you can select from. Very few SNES beat ‘em ups gave you five choices. Most offer the standard three and four was considered to be great. But you get five here. Best of all, they all play differently and not just in a few categories. They all have their pros and cons in terms of attack range, magic power, defense, speed and so on. Three of them can even block enemy attacks. There’s a lot more strategy found here than in most other beat ‘em ups. It also makes the 2 player mode all that more interesting because you can strategically pair up an Elf with a Fighter for instance. The Elf attacks from long range while the Fighter handles the up close encounters.
The cast of five makes for a diverse 2 player experience
It truly does as you and a friend can mix and match. I recently played this with my girlfriend and she likes being the Elf. Unfortunately, continues are shared in the 2 player mode. Bummer. (But there is a 99 continue code floating out there…)
A MORE IN-DEPTH ANALYSIS
Credit Nintendo Power Magazine (issue #60, May 1994) for their excellent coverage above. I miss when gaming magazines were so lovingly crafted and fun to read.
AND LESS IN-DEPTH…
Credit Super Play Magazine (issue #20, June 1994) for their more humorous coverage above. They always had that cheeky sense of humor, them silly Super Play lads.
THE GAME
Level up just like in Knights of the Round
This increases your strength and defense. Most beat ‘em ups don’t allow for your character to level up, so this is a welcomed change to the norm.
Not all treasure chests are good for you
Some spit out harmful blobs of goo but the worst is a magical spray that will freeze and quickly sap your health if touched. Stay on your toes!
Blocking can be a lifesaver
The arcade version didn’t have a button for blocking, but the SNES version allows you to designate a button for blocking. Nice! Remember that only the Fighter, Cleric and Dwarf can block.
The ability to push orbs forward is absolutely genius
I love that you can strategically preserve magic orbs. Sometimes instead of striking an orb right away, it’s prudent to kill the weaker enemies currently on screen and then bounce the orb to the next section, saving it for tougher enemies. Sweet.
A diverse array of orbs adds to the fun
You can bounce orbs along for a good while before they start to flash. Once flashing, better strike the orb to activate it or you’ll risk losing out.
Where’s Brendan Fraser when you need him?!
Mummies are slow and lumbering but they inflict tons of pain if they catch you. This is where the Wizard or Elf comes in real handy with their long distance strikes.
Ray Harryhausen would be proud
Skeletons are a real pain in the ass. Not only are they tough, but they’re nimble enough to cause a headache as they prance about the screen in a creepy reanimated sort of way.
Capcom busts out their classic Yashichi once more
King of Dragons is not too hard once you get the hang of the characters’ strengths and weaknesses. It’s certainly beatable but you’ll definitely want to seek out these precious extra continues hidden throughout the game.
SWEET SIXTEEN
There are 16 levels in all, but some are insanely short. One stage doesn’t even have a boss. The stages are named which I found to be a nice touch. I’m a sucker for that sort of stuff even though some are incredibly simple. “To The Castle” followed by “In The Castle” — I wonder how long it took Capcom to think of that? But a few are pretty cool such as “A Giant In The Shrine.” The game takes you on quite the journey, ranging from a spider-infested forest to boarding a Norse ship.
The Orc King attacks with two morning stars. Watch his shadow and stay in the middle. Halfway through the Minotaur fight the ground breaks, sending the two of you descending to the floor below. Nice.
Another nice thing about this game is the diversity of the bosses. Sometimes you fight giant bipedal monsters. Other times you find yourself battling winged behemoths and three headed dragons. The strong fantasy setting takes you to a completely different realm from most other beat ‘em ups. Forget ye standard thugs and goons — it’s all about mythical beasts!
Stage 5 actually has no boss. I love the Cyclops in stage 6. It’s got such a simple great look and is the first thing I think of when I think King of Dragons.
The Great D, eh? No comment…
If you hate spiders like I do, then you’ll LOVE the giant spiders in stage 7. The creepy bastards make my skin crawl. Watch out for the Great D’s big stick…
The diversity of the boss fights continue to shine. Battle a nimble Black Knight in stage 9. Take on a circling crew of phantoms at the end of stage 10. And while the graphics aren’t great per se, you can see the diversity there as well.
Meet the REAL Great D
Indeed. And now you know where Goldar came from. The Royal Knights are reminiscent of the Black Knight, except now there’s two of them. Lucky you.
“We must do with the time that is given to us.” Once eloquently stated by the Dark Wizard. Or Gandalf, rather. He’s a fun boss fight. Unfortunately the same cannot be said for stage 14 which sees a lazy repeat of the boss from stage 3. Sure, one is fiery while the other is ice. Still, come on now, Capcom. Then again, coming from them (the masters of milking), are you surprised?
Capcom heard our cries loud and clear. So what do we get for it? TWO Cyclops at the end of stage 15! The last boss, Gildiss, is not only the hardest boss of the game but really the one boss that will give you any trouble.
ODDS AND ENDS
Boss of stage 3Boss of stage 14
As you can see, some bosses more or less repeat. Take these two dragons for instance. Fire and ice. Not so nice. But the occasional “lazy” boss is forgivable considering the overall number of levels which far exceeds that of most other beat ‘em ups from the ’90s. So I can give Capcom a pass here.
The Dragon Rider boss from stage 8 becomes a recurring regular enemy later on. He’s thankfully not as strong as his boss form, though. It’s a shame you can’t knock the rider off and ride the dragon yourself. A wasted opportunity for sure.
WHAT THE CRITICS SAID
For the most part, King of Dragons fared reasonably well with the critics. EGM gave it scores of 8, 8, 7and 7. GameFan gave it ratings of 78, 74and 70%. Super Play was (once again) the harshest critic, rating it a paltry 53%. Super Play was notoriously stringent on beat ‘em ups, so I don’t take their scores for such games too seriously. Most people who have played the SNES port has raved about it.
CLOSING THOUGHTS
Prior to playing King of Dragons, I had heard lots of great things about it. It looked similar to Knights of the Round and coming from Capcom, I was sure to have a good time. Admittedly, I was a bit disappointed the first time I played it. I guess I had overhyped it too much based on everything I heard and read over the years. However, with repeated play I was able to then familiarize myself with the various characters and game mechanics. That’s when the light bulb came on and I began to appreciate all the subtle nuances. It impressed me with how varied it is for a beat ‘em up. Typically, these sort of games tend to grow repetitive pretty fast, but I find King of Dragons does a really good job of keeping repetition at bay. The five characters have different pros and cons across the board, making it fun to experiment with and forces you to employ different strategies. The bosses also have vastly different tactics and you must adjust for each one accordingly. The game doesn’t just throw you meathead after meathead where all you do is mash the attack button. And one of the best things about this game is the fact that sometimes there can be as many as five enemies on screen. The usual SNES count for these games is three, but King of Dragons will occasionally throw five at you. It’s impressive and makes you feel like other SNES beat ‘em ups are a bit lacking in the action department by comparison.
The visuals are pretty good although animation can be a bit stiff at times. Bosses look great — they’re often huge and menacing. Sound effects are pretty bad though, and the music isn’t anything to write home about. The gameplay (and atmosphere) is where King of Dragons excels. From the ability to block (for some of our heroes anyhow) to being able to level up, this has more variety and depth than most other beat ‘em ups. One thing that I had to get over early on was I thought this would be more of a beat ‘em up. By that I mean pounding bad guys in the face consecutively and then even throwing their carcasses around. It’s not like that so if you’re expecting that, you may be a bit disappointed (at least initially, like I was). You hack them once, then you move out of the way. Then you hack them again until they’re dead. There are no combos. No throws. No weapons to pick up (not necessary since they all already have weapons). It’s more of a hit and run affair, if that makes sense.
It’s a bit hard to describe but if you’ve played this game then you know what I mean. For example, some enemies die after one slash. Some die after two. And so forth. Whoever heard of one punch killing a bad guy? So the action is more measured and calculated than in most other beat ‘em ups, but I think in this case it works really well. There is some slowdown in the 2 player mode so it’s far from perfect. But overall, as far as the genre goes, this is easily one of the better beat ‘em ups on the Super Nintendo. It’s like a mix of Golden Axe and Knights of the Round. So if the idea of killing some Orcs, Minotaurs and Cyclops puts a big smile on your face, be sure to check out King of Dragons. And if you don’t quite “get it” on your very first try, I encourage you to stick with it and sample the different characters. Chances are you’ll hit your stride at some point and come to see why this is one of the best SNES beat ‘em ups ever made.
Beat ‘em ups ruled the arcade scene in the early ’90s. Irem released Undercover Cops in 1992. They then went to work on a Super Nintendo version but that was sadly canned. However, Varie (you might remember that name from my previous review of the Shin Nippon Pro Wrestling trilogy) picked it up and released a Super Famicom only version in March of 1995. I was beyond thrilled to discover this fact upon my SNES resurrection in early 2006. I always wanted to play Undercover Cops on my SNES. Thanks to Varie, I now could. Unfortunately, the port falls a little flat with me. I couldn’t help but feel it was a little lacking. But I’m getting ahead of myself. Let’s rewind a bit by jumping 25 years into the future…
THE YEAR IS 2043
Arcade versionSuper Famicom port
Council: “Everyone, the peace of our town is at its worst condition ever.”
Mayor: “I have a suggestion. Let the City Sweepers clean up the villains!”
Council: “Of course, Mayor. Violence begets violence! Let’s do it!”
Arcade versionSuper Famicom port
Collectively, this fearsome unit is known as…
Individually, they’re known as, well, let’s go down the line.
Zan Takahara hails from Japan. He is the balanced fighter of the group.
Zan’s special moveZan’s super special moveI like how it goes all pixelated
Matt Gables is your good old American football player turned City Sweeper slash Undercover Cop. Notice his birthday — July 4, 2018 — as of this writing he’s almost about to be born. Surprise surprise, he’s the slowest but also the strongest of the trio.
Matt’s special moveSweetMatt’s super special move
Rosa Felmonde hasn’t even been conceived yet! Hailing from England, Rosa is the token quick but weak female fighter of the group.
Rosa’s special moveRosa’s super special move
SOAP? WHO NEEDS SOAP?!
“MY BOX — MINE!!”
The first thing I noticed about Undercover Cops is how dirty the game looks. I don’t mean that in a bad way; I actually like that it’s so gritty and grimy. It gives the game a rather grim and bleak atmosphere. So many SNES games are full of bright and bold colors. Not here and that’s a welcome change. I almost feel like I have to take a shower after playing this game.
Keep your eyes on those crows
Battle your way through rundown abandoned buildings, grimy festering docks and inauspicious underground tunnels to name but a few. Everything is in a deep state of decay. The enemies mostly consist of subhuman creatures. A wretched decrepit flock of sideshow freaks. You can bet they haven’t bathed in months (if not years). Even the good guys appear unpleasant and a bit dour.
Under the crows — surprise!
Little details, as seen above, add to the fun of the game (it’s a shame then that the best stuff occurs early on). Crows fly off revealing in its wake two filthy bastards who soon rise like zombies. Send ‘em back to the hell hole they came from!
WANT FRIES WITH THAT?
Hey, it’s high in protein y’know
To replenish your health, most beat ‘em ups have you consuming burgers, drinks and assorted meat. But not in Undercover Cops. So what does one eat? Mice, chicken, even snails! Gobble them up before they can scamper (or crawl) away. To make matters even more unsettling, the cops voice their pleasure whenever eating such delicacies. Zan gruffly shouts “GOOD!” and Matt screams “DELICIOUS!”Yum.
EVERYTHING BUT THE KITCHEN SINK
Whatever works, right?
While other beat ‘em ups give you knives to fling or bats to swing, Undercover Cops on the other hand walks to its own beat. For example, nothing says PAIN quite like tossing flopping fish at the opposition.
The struggle is real
But my favorite instrument of destruction is the random concrete pillar. You can either knock it over or unearth it with your bare hands (it’s quite amusing to watch the ongoing struggle that ensues).
Love the R-Type cameo there!
Naturally, Matt is able to pluck it out faster than Zan or Rosa. Matt and Zan can use the pillar the same amount of times while it breaks fastest for Rosa. Poor Rosa. She’s got a serious case of Breath of the Wild…
Dobkeratops from R-Type III
It’s always lovely to see companies throwing in clever little easter eggs that show off past franchises. I always enjoy seeing stuff like that.
Good rotation and form, Matt
The concrete pillar just might be my favorite non-projectile based weapon to use in beat ‘em up history. It’s so satisfying to knock over the deformed cretins with it.
Metal beams are fun, too
Here we come to the first boss, Parcs. He’s hiding a nasty secret beneath that weird looking exterior. Weaken him and soon he reveals his true form.
Timed right…… you can crush his ass!
Bonus points for a highly creative first boss encounter. I love it when beat ‘em ups let you interact with the environment so seeing this for the first time had me jumping out of my chair. It’s too bad though that the rest of the boss fights are nowhere near as creative or fiendishly fun.
The beginning of Mission 2 is my favorite part in the whole game. Kick the barrel of flames or better yet, heave it at the enemies.
Don’t let that snail get away!
Upon impact the barrel will liberate a flurry of burning torches. It’s time to burn some bad guys alive! WICKED fun.
Enemy taunts are on fire…
The scoundrels can toss the torches as well, and if you’re knocked down, one rapscallion in particular enjoys a hearty laugh at your expense.
Whoa BABY is right
The second boss, Fransowors, is where I personally believe the game began to lose me. It’s such an awkward character design and hell, even the name itself is weird. I didn’t like the aesthetics of this boss encounter at all. The background is dull and drab and Fransowors is one big annoying crybaby. It’s a major disappointment coming off the brilliance of the first boss fight with Parcs.
These underground diggers are deadly when traveling in packs. They like to do the spin cycle which automatically knocks you down. Unfortunately, because you aren’t granted temporary invulnerability after being knocked down, they can and will spam attack you until your life is gone. Only then can you beat them when you’re revived and then granted that precious second or two of invincibility. I hate when games make you lose a life and there’s nothing you can do about it. To me that’s plain lazy and poor game design and programming. My experience with Undercover Cops began to really sour at this point.
Arcade version gets a lot crazier!Mines pop up and explode
I dig the flashing tunnel. Reminds me of Elevator Action Returns…
These suckers greet you with a nasty little love tap if you’re caught in their path. They can’t be killed so just steer clear as they mindlessly march on by. Sometimes it gets really crowded and it feels impossible to come out unscathed. Luckily, any damage they inflict isn’t too much. Still rather annoying, however.
The end level guardian is a monster born from malpractice. And it wants you for dinner… not as a guest but the main course attraction! Sadly, this is where the game ends if you play it on Easy. Only on Normal or Hard can you go through all 5 missions. Below are some quick shots of missions 4 and 5 (note: these screenshots will depict the original arcade version).
Mission 4 = Motorcycle Madness. The SNES port allows you to assign a button to the run command. Turn this option on to make your life a lot easier.
Mission 5 is the longest and most tedious level in the game. You fight across a seemingly endless skyship where you battle a never-ending supply of cronies and a handful of Parcs (the boss from Mission 1).
Better stop Dr. Crayborn from launching the nuke before it’s too late. You’ll get a bad ending if you fail to do so.
Finally coming toward the end, you must battle zombie versions of the team!
Where’s Rick Grimes when you need him?
Doctor, I think there’s something wrong with you…
Crayborn is escorted to prisonWhere he’ll rot away the rest of his daysThe end, right? Not quite…In a fabulous twist…DUN DUN DUN!
ASSESSMENT DAY
Your performance is tallied up at the end of each Mission. Depending on how much money you’ve earned, you’ll regain a certain amount of health (if applicable).
DEJA VU
Matt reminds me of…Johnny Maximum!Or I should say vice versaWorld Heroes 2 was silly fun
ARCADE COMPARISON
SNESArcade
Obviously, there’s going to be a certain amount of sacrifices made when a company converts an arcade game into a much smaller SNES cartridge. Undercover Cops is no different. It was something you just accepted as a kid and in most cases, you were just happy to have a home port to mess around with.
LIFE AFTER CITY SWEEPING
Irem went on to make other similar post-apocalyptic arcade action games. These include:
In The Hunt (April 1993)Gun Force 2 (1994)
A lot of the team who helped made Undercover Cops later formed the Nazca Corporation. They were responsible for a very famous Neo Geo game…
Metal Slug (May 1996)
PARTING IS SUCH SWEET SORROW
Undercover Cops was actually set for a March 1994 release. Hell, it was even reviewed in the March 1994 issue of Nintendo Power Magazine (issue #58). Sadly, it was canned and never saw the light of day in North America. Varie picked up the publishing rights exactly one year later and released it in Japan only on March 3, 1995. The actual Super Famicom cartridge currently commands a minimum of $200 — yowzers!
Not meant to be (1993 is a typo; it should say 1994)There was even an ad published for it!
Maybe the ugly Americanized art sealed its own fate. By God is that fugly! Should have gone with the Japanese style box art…
Now that’s what I’m talking about
Looks like the US version was fully finished and ready to go, especially if you’re going off the fact that Nintendo Power reviewed it. Not sure why it was canned except maybe Irem didn’t have faith in it moving the needle as it was a port of an arcade game two years long in the tooth and one that wasn’t a household name in North America. Whatever the case may be, it’s always sad to see promising games cancelled. I’m glad Varie picked up its publishing rights in 1995 even if the port job is a bit disappointing on Irem’s part.
CLOSING THOUGHTS
Remember Spike Lee’s movie Do The Right Thing from 1989? The character Radio Raheem sported a four-fingered ring on each hand, with LOVE on the right hand and HATE on the left, to symbolize the struggle between the two emotions. That perfectly describes how I feel about Undercover Cops. I have a love-hate relationship with this game. I love that it was released at all following the US cancellation. I dig how twisted it can be at times, from eating snails to even knocking the skull off of Mission 4’s boss post fight and scarfing it down like how Joey Chestnut eats his hot dogs! I love the post-apocalyptic atmosphere. However, some of the aesthetics could use a little more work. Not having a 2 player option in 1995 is inexcusable. It reeks of laziness. I can see why it’s 1 player only, though. Even in the 1 player mode there’s a bit of occasional slowdown. I can only imagine how much worse it would be in a 2 player mode. But other companies managed to make it work, relatively speaking, so Irem should have found a way as well. I also hate that the game loses a lot of its appeal and luster by around Mission 3. I find it more repetitive than other beat ‘em ups from that era.
Not having a 2 player mode is not a deal breaker though especially if the game itself is good enough on its own. Sadly, there’s something missing. It’s definitely not a bad beat ‘em up but I can easily think of 10 more competent SNES beat ‘em ups I would much rather play. Undercover Cops is one of those games that start out real promising but quickly lose steam less than halfway through. Others have raved about this SNES version but try as I might over the 12 years I’ve owned it, I just can’t give it a ringing endorsement.
On September 17, 2017, we lost one of the truly great ones. Bobby “The Brain” Heenan. THE heel manager of the late 1980s and early 1990s, if you were a pro wrestling fan you loved to boo Bobby Heenan. He was a once in a lifetime performer. Always entertaining, Bobby knew how to make you laugh and hate him all at the same time. When he passed last September, I wanted to convert over my old review of the Shin Nippon Pro Wrestling games. That’s because in that review, I used Bobby Heenan to call the action. But life got busy and it never happened.
Earlier today it was announced that Big Van Vader passed away on June 18, 2018. Vader was featured in the first Shin Nippon Pro Wrestling game so it’s time. It’s Vader Time!
The best wrestling manager that ever livedOne of the best big men ever. R.I.P. Vader and Bobby
Shin Nippon Pro Wrestling is something of a sentimental purchase for me. The reason being it was the first Super Famicom game that I bought, and what started the “obscure” Super Famicom march for me. I remember it fondly. It was an early Monday morning, March 27, 2006. 4:22 AM. Yep, I was a vampire. I sniped Shin Nippon Pro Wrestling on eBay with 3 seconds to go. Crazy times. Anyway, this is the first of Varie’s Super Famicom wrestling trilogy. It features impressive big sprites of famous wrestlers like LIGER and VADER (10 in all).
That’s gonna hurt
The grapple system relies on timing similar to the Fire Pro series. I was hoping it would be as good as Fire Pro. Unfortunately I think Varie spent too much time on the graphics because while they look great, the frame rate is choppy to the point where it’s just not very fun to play. This game was a huge letdown for me. The graphics are awesome, sure, but it doesn’t play very well. It’s too bad because it had a lot of potential. In terms of visuals, it actually reminds me a bit of WWF WrestleFest. Just a shame it didn’t play better.
What goes up…… must come down
A bittersweet experience, then. My first Super Famicom purchase so I’ll always remember it. But as a game itself? Not all that great. Varie followed this up with a sequel. Let’s see if it’s any better.
The first game, Shin Nippon Pro Wrestling: Chou Senshi in Tokyo Dome, was released on September 14, 1993. The sequel, Shin Nippon Pro Wrestling ’94: Battlefield in Tokyo Dome, came out less than a year later (August 12, 1994). The sprites have been downsized and as a result the frame rate has been improved, making this sequel much more playable than its predecessor.
Double the wrestlers!
The roster doubled, going from 10 to a whopping 20 (including the Legion of Doom and yes, a very young pre-homicide Chris Benoit). Unfortunately, it still doesn’t quite come together.
“OHHHH WHAT A RUSHHHH!”
Similar to the first game, it looks pretty good but something about the gameplay is a bit off, despite the improved frame rate. It’s a much better effort than the first one though, but it still doesn’t match the quality of a Fire Pro.
Better but not quite there yet
Varie would give it one last try. Might the third time be the charm?
Released on June 30, 1995, Shin Nippon Pro Wrestling ’95: Tokyo Dome Battle 7 is the third and final game in the Shin Nippon trilogy (not counting the female version Stardust Suplex). Did Varie finally get it right? Well, somewhat. It’s easily the best of the trilogy but it still pales in comparison to Fire Pro. Some roster changes were made, though 20 remains the count. Say goodbye to the Great Muta and hello to the Great Sasuke. The frame rate is the best of the trilogy and the graphics were not sacrificed either. Weapons are introduced. But what really makes this game is the new FATAL FOUR WAY BATTLE ROYAL mode. It’s good fun and slightly reminiscent of Capcom’s Saturday Night Slam Masters (although that one was a Texas Tornado Bedlam rather than a true Fatal Four Way Match).
All time legends. Vince is the only one still alive
At this time, I’ll hand the mic over to my two all-time favorite commentators: the late great Gorilla Monsoon and Bobby “The Brain” Heenan. They’ll call the action that follows. Tonight we have a special treat for you. A blistering Fatal Four Way Battle Royal!
*Music plays*
Introducing first… from PARTS UNKNOWN… he IS… THE MASKED MAULER… THE MONARCH OF THE MAT… THE MINISTER OF MENACE… THE GREAT SASUKE!!!
And introducing, from Michigan, Scott Steiner.
[The f*ck! -Scott Steiner]
Damn that was cold -Rick Steiner
And THEIR OPPONENTS… first he hails from THE COSMOS… he IS… the SUBMISSION SPECIALIST… the SADISTIC SAVAGE… the SANGUINARY SOLDIER… JUSHIN “THUNDER” LIGER!!!
And finally, he resides from Bay City, Michigan… Rick Steiner.
[HEY! What gives? -Rick Steiner]
Bobby: You know Monsoon, the Steiners are brothers. Gorilla: Give me a break! Bobby: I hate all four of these guys. I hope they all cripple each other. Gorilla: Will you stop! How do you sleep at night? Bobby: Oh, on my side, usually… Gorilla: You need professional help. Bobby: What?! Just answering your question! Sometimes I sleep on my stomach though… Gorilla: WHAT A PIECE OF WORK YOU ARE!
Gorilla: [ignoring the Brain] Ladies and gentlemen, history will be made here tonight. Capacity crowd, jam packed to the rafters, the electricity is so thick you can cut it with a knife.
Bobby: I have to give the edge here to Liger, much as I can’t stand his guts, Monsoon. He’s the quickest.
Gorilla: Rick Steiner might be at a distinct disadvantage here because he’s the most lethargic of the four.
Bobby: And he’s slow too!
*Bell rings*
Gorilla: WHAT A PEARL HARBOR JOB! Bobby: I told you Monsoon! Sasuke was my guy all along! Gorilla: Will you be serious? The guys with the white coat and the net are going to be looking for you. Bobby: I rather not see your family again.
Gorilla: The irresistible force meeting the immovable object. Bobby: So much for that theory.
Gorilla: Sasuke is really stretching out those lateral collateral ligaments in the knee. Bobby: IN ENGLISH PLEASE!
Gorilla: Ouch! That’s excedrin headache number 2,182. Makes me glad I retired. Bobby: [Mocking Gorilla] There’s one to the cervial dervial part of the neck! Gorilla: Oh will you stop!
Gorilla: Sasuke just pinned and eliminated Rick Steiner! We now have a triple threat match! It’s pandemonium! Bobby: I told you Monsoon, he was just too slow for this type of match. Gorilla: [Mockingly] And lethargic too, right? Bobby: Yeah, that too.
Gorilla: Good night nurse! Bobby: Not if she spent it with you! Gorilla: Grow up, Brain. Bobby: Hey Monsoon, you know why the Great Sasuke wears a mask? Gorilla: No, why? Bobby: Have you looked in the mirror lately? Gorilla: Will you please!
Gorilla: Sasuke has taken over the match! The arena is deafening! Bobby: Get that Benjamin ready for me, Monsoon! Gorilla: Will you stop! What kind of broadcast journalist are you? Bobby: The kind that takes cash only!
CLOSING THOUGHTS
Tokyo Dome Battle 7 isn’t a shabby wrestling game, but it’s not as good as the Fire Pro or Zen Nippon Pro Wrestling titles. But to Varie’s credit, Tokyo Dome Battle 7 is the most refined of the trilogy. The added Battle Royal mode is chaotic and a good amount of fun. If you’re a diehard wrestling fan and you have to have one from this Varie trilogy, make it Tokyo Dome Battle 7. It pretty much renders the two previous entries useless unless you’re a collector or the type who enjoys seeing the ‘evolution’ of a series.
My Shin Nippon and Zen Nippon Pro Wrestling collection
It’s pretty obvious why all these games stayed in Japan, although Natsume Championship Wrestling (a variation of the Zen Nippon Pro Wrestling games) did make its way to North America in the summer of 1994.
Pouring one out for all these guys and gals plus all the others we’ve lost in the past couple years since this great music video was released. Thanks for the memories, y’all.
Sandra no Daibouken, or Xandra no Daibōken: Valkyrie to no Deai to give it its more proper Japanese title, or Whirlo in Europe, goes by many names. Whatever you call it, it’s one tough son of a gun. Translated as Xandra’s Great Adventure: Encounter with the Valkyrie, this is a rock hard action platformer that will test the mettle of even the most skilled gamer. As such, it’s not for everyone. Patience and persistence is the order of the day here. Although it never came to North America, it was released also in Europe as Whirlo in 1992. Super Play Magazine was very high on it, ranking it #86 on their Top 100 SNES Games list. They rated it 85%. I’m a huge fan of Super Play as readers may remember, and I’ll let them take the reigns on this one. The following review comes courtesy of Super Play.
The box art for the rare PAL European versionWhat a North American version might look likeNice poster! Great job there, Greg Martin
SUPER PLAY’S WHIRLO REVIEW
What initially looks like a rather poor Wonder Boy clone actually turns out to be a top-notch arcade adventure, enlivened by some very versatile controls. These take getting used to, but once learnt prove to be extremely rewarding — if a bit frustrating at times.
Pitchfork in hand, no one’s eating this blob of jelly.
Graphically, Sandra is a mixed affair, with both lovely and rather drab bits. The main sprite has consistent appeal though, and the way he can jump and land on top of baddies with his pitchfork is a joy — and a lot less disturbing than it sounds!
The gameplay is as patchy as the background graphics, however — at some points it’s simply great fun, while other bits are a real pain.
Throughout it all the generally melancholy tunes add tons to the game, even if they do get slightly repetitive. Indeed, the whole feel of the game is tear jerkingly sad — not just the music but also the general atmosphere and the plot (our hero has to collect various special herbs to help cure his dying son).
Passwords are given at regular points but it’ll still take you a fair while to find the herbs, due to the fiendishly designed levels. A real discovery, then, and a game that offers the player a lot more than it first appears. Things get better and more complicated as you progress (indeed, it’s fiendishly difficult in certain sections). You can almost feel the boy’s life draining away as you struggle with a particularly tricky section.
Occasionally, a bit of Japanese text crops up but don’t let that turn you off — understanding it all is not crucial to gameplay. This is likely to remain an obscure game in the UK, though we expect something of a cult following around it — great fun! -Jason Brookes
Verdict: A wonderfully versatile and highly unusual game that, as a slightly bizarre trip into Japanese eccentricity and mysticism, is hard to beat. Despite some infuriating sections, this is highly recommended, especially to hardcore gamers. One thing is for certain — no one will finish this in a hurry.
CLOSING THOUGHTS
Usually I am in concurrence with Super Play when it comes to their game opinions (minus most beat ‘em ups as they were simply too harsh on that particular genre), but this is the rare case where I disagree a bit. Admittedly, Sandra no Daibouken is one of those games I still need to further explore but quite frankly, in the time I spent with it I found it simply not all that fun. My main issue is that the control could use some work, which I feel accounts partially for why it is so difficult. I don’t mind a tough fair challenge so long as the control is tight and fluid. I didn’t feel it was for Sandra no Daibouken.
On the bright side, there is a simplicity to the game that can be rather appealing. There are zero power-ups — everything you need to succeed you start the game off with. There’s also a wide variety of jumps you can perform. The game plot is intriguing as well; most SNES games didn’t have such a dark plot. I liked the idea of having to cure my dying son rather than the typical damsel in distress or save the world plot that has been beaten to death. Of course, storyline isn’t why I play platformers but in this case, it paints a somber mood for Sandra no Daibouken (in addition to the music and somewhat bleak visuals) that lend to a dreary atmosphere ideal to play on a late darkening afternoon.
There is a solid game here for sure, but I’m not sure I’d give it an 88% like Super Play did. That said, it’s definitely one of those games I’d like to replay more in-depth at some point. But for now I can’t personally vouch for this game in the way that Super Play did. As always, your mileage may vary so try it out for yourself (and leave a comment below if you’re so inclined). Tough old school 16-bit platformers your thing? Then Sandra no Daibouken might be right up your alley.
Pub: Tecmo | Dev: Team Ninja | August 1995 | 12 MEGS
Ninja Gaiden originated in the arcades in 1988. It was a beat ‘em up akin to Double Dragon and it wasn’t too well received. The NES version came out later that same year and did a complete 180. Not only was it now a side-scrolling action platformer, but it was heralded at the time for being one of the best games in the entire 8-bit NES catalog. Two sequels were released on the NES in 1990 and 1991. When word of a Super Nintendo system surfaced in the early ’90s, NES fans worldwide began dreaming of their favorite 8-bit titles receiving a glorious 16-bit makeover. Castlevania, Contra, Mega Man, Metroid and so forth. Those games all received the SNES treatment while others were sadly left in the dust. The list of illustrious games snubbed includes Bionic Commando, Metal Gear, Rygar, and of course, Ninja Gaiden. But never fear, not all hope was lost. In the late summer of 1995, Tecmo gave SNES fans Ninja Gaiden Trilogy. Although not a proper 16-bit sequel, it gave us the three classic Ninja Gaiden NES hits on one cartridge, along with a brand new password feature. What could go wrong, right?
NINJA FEVER
The 1980s was the decade of excess. Ronald Reagan, Boy George, Milli Vanilli, and oh yeah, Ninjas R Us. Be it Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles or Shinobi, ninjas dominated the scene. Cartoons, movies, toys and video games were inundated with ninjas galore. I remember my gaming group raving about Ninja Gaiden in the late ’80s. It was definitely a cut above your average NES game. We rented it a handful of times and could never beat it. The Ninja Gaiden games are notorious for their insane difficulty. While Ninja Gaiden wasn’t my absolute favorite, I always wanted to see a souped up 16-bit sequel — a Super Ninja Gaiden, if you will. Sadly, it wasn’t meant to be. But hey, at least Tecmo gave us Ninja Gaiden Trilogy. But it wasn’t without some controversy…
Diehard fans of the NES trilogy have picked apart Ninja Gaiden Trilogy over the years, claiming that the NES originals are superior. But for me, the greatest tragedy is that by the time Tecmo released this game, I was starting to lose interest in SNES and gaming itself. Back in August of 1995, I was worried as hell about the first day of junior high, and it became harder and harder to enjoy video games with the same kind of zest as when you were a little kid. It was a time of change in my life, and the SNES and gaming in general began taking more of a backseat. If only Ninja Gaiden Trilogy came out in 1992 or 1993, and then we got Super Ninja Gaiden in 1994. Alas, it wasn’t meant to be.
Fast forward to early 2006. I experienced an epic SNES renaissance. It was a golden time as most people had yet to hop on the SNES bandwagon of nostalgia. I beat the crowd by a good couple years. Life is all about timing, right? It wasn’t long before I snatched up Ninja Gaiden Trilogy. More than a decade later, I was finally going to play it. Speaking of decade, fun fact: these screenshots you see in this review were taken just over 10 years ago in May of 2008. I’ve been meaning to write a review of this game for ages…
NINJA GAIDEN
Ninja Gaiden opens with this stellar cinematic intro
Ryu: “I WILL GET MY REVENGE!”
There’s something special about the first level in great games. Who could forget this classic first stage from Ninja Gaiden? Strike down bat wielding goons and use your deft ninja abilities to navigate your way through.
Graphics were advertised as being improved to the NES versions. While this may be true technically, the difference is disappointingly minimal. Don’t expect the kind of visual improvement as seen in Super Mario All-Stars. Tecmo could have beefed up the visuals but sadly they took the bare minimum route.
Remember hopping back and forth here in order to clear the top wall? Ah, that brings back the nostalgia…
Beware of those pesky boxers. Ah, who could forget the classic first boss fight in the bar? Good stuff.
Revered (in part) for its revolutionary cutscenes, Ninja Gaiden advanced its plot in a dramatic and memorable fashion.
Shooting someone (even if it’s an anesthetic) and then asking said victim to do you a favor? Whoever this lady is, she’s got BALLS. And a strange creepy looking statue that she wants you to have for whatever reason… that I’m sure is completely wholesome…
Similar to Castlevania, you can use various secondary attacks as long as you’ve collected enough ammunition. Long ranged attacks, such as the Shuriken, is a Godsend in such hairy situations.
Relaxing retreat on a timeshare this ain’t!
Secondary attacks range in effectiveness. It’s too bad you can’t collect them, switching off to the one you want as necessary. One of my favorites is the attack that allows you to jump and slash simultaneously, providing a sphere of precious protection around Ryu. It makes those unsettling platform jumps (i.e. the ones with a bad guy loitering at the edge) much more manageable.
Pumpkinhead rejects and various fiends greet you with foul intent.
Flying enemies — they’re the bane of many. Especially when your hero jumps back whenever hit. Machine gun toting mad men make your life a living hell. I hope you have an appropriate sub weapon!
Nintendo players back in the day were legit if they could beat Ninja Gaiden fair and square. It left its mark on many, and has certainly terrorized many a childhood in the best of ways.
NINJA GAIDEN II: THE DARK SWORD OF CHAOS
Thunder and lightning erupts over the land. Who’s the creepy guy in red?
Ashtar’s his name, and he’s looking to finish the job Jaquio could not from the first game.
Episode II: The Dark Sword of Chaos. Makes it feel epic like it’s from the Star Wars universe. One major improvement right off the bat is the ability to now climb walls. You had to hop back and forth in the first game but now you can scale various structures like a true ninja badass.
Visually, the game looks a lot better than its predecessor. Although I’m not a fan of the red button eyesores that serve as your sub weapon containers. The first game was a lot more creative, housing them in everything from flickering lights to even hummingbirds. But that’s just a minor gripe. The first boss is a generic mutant that loves to deliver shoulder tackles.
Innovative cutscenes helped made the original game so memorable, and Ninja Gaiden II kicks that up a notch.
Swerve City, USA! I had deja vu for a second there. Looked like poor ol’ Ryu Hayabusa was once again going to be subdued by some anesthetic but instead he’s saved by the bell bullet. I guess you owe Robert TS the favor after all.
Battling atop a boxcar train, you’ll have to fend off Jason Voorhees and friends. Watch the snow — the wind changes direction in three different ways. Jumping against the wind is a surefire ticket to an early demise.
Duplicate yourself and even up the odds a bit with your clone helper. Up to two clones can be used. Nice!
Arachnophobia? You won’t like this boss.
Another cool cutscene advances the plot and builds up the anticipation for the next level.
Disappointment (or relief, depending on one’s perspective) strikes in Stage 3-1. The original NES version had lightning flashes that made it more difficult and atmospheric, but for some strange reason, it was not duplicated in the SNES port. Many diehard fans have pointed out this omission over the years, citing it as the telltale sign of a lazy port job. Hey, at least we still get the ninja clones.
Hayabusa continues his quest, this time in some rather murky waters.
Things get a bit slippery here.
Hayabusa or Ashtar — who will prevail? Only you can decide that!
NINJA GAIDEN III: THE ANCIENT SHIP OF DOOM
Things open up blazing hot as Irene is seen being chased by… Ryu Hayabusa?! Wait, whaaaat?
Falling to her demise, can it truly be the same Ryu we all know and love? Surely not…
Framed — I knew it! [Sure ya did -Ed.].
Players have complained that the jumps in the third game are too floaty. It does take a while to get used to, especially if you’re hot off the heels of playing the first two games. Generally speaking, Ninja Gaiden III is considered to be the weakest entry in the trilogy. Not that it’s a bad game; it’s just the first two were so damn good.
There’s something about Ninja Gaiden III that I really like, though. The weird cybernetic atmosphere, for one. That and Ryu is a better climber here than he was in previous outings. I also like the extra long slash power up you can get. Able to hit enemies both high and low, it gives you excellent coverage for a short ranged attack.
Clancy tells you to head over to Castle Rock. You’re a little skeptical but you press on in the name of avenging Irene…
Quicksand has claimed many lives — move fast or you could be next! Better move fast too during the auto scrolling section. Death waits for no one!
Destroy enemy bullets with a well-timed strike. I love when games let you do that. The boss fits in perfectly with the game’s cybernetic theme.
Condescending? Check. Smug? Check. Good to see you again, Foster.
Acquiring the right power up at the right time is key. One of my favorites is the energy blast that goes up and down. It can prove to be quite useful.
Thankfully, the “jump back” when hit isn’t too bad in this game. Another reason why I like Ninja Gaiden III so much and don’t see it as the “black sheep” of the trilogy as some others do. The previous two games had some serious recoil action.
Hayabusa be like, “So… you’re Great Value Ryu, eh?”
Perhaps it’s just me but doesn’t Ninja Gaiden III have a slight Mega Man-esque look to it? Part of me almost expects to see some Mets flying in and out!
Nothing’s better than beating a boss with one measly life bar remaining. What a rush!
Overlooking Castle Rock, Ryu runs into Clancy once again. He tells you about a terrible monster named BIO-NOID. Coincidentally, the Biohazard plan Clancy has been working on is the same name as the Resident Evil franchise over in Japan. Clancy goes on to explain that there was an open seam between dimensions when the Demon died. Foster had rebuilt the fortress and was using it to conduct all sorts of transformation experiments with life energy. Bio-noids are super humans that have been transformed with life energy. He tells you that it was a Bio-noid that killed Irene and that you’re the only one strong enough to stop it.
Infuriatingly difficult platforming abounds. Thank God for the password feature.
Hayabusa confronts Foster but wait a minute — IRENE?!
Somehow, Irene survived after all. Screw you, Foster!
Remember the guy who framed Ryu? He turns into a super mutant only to be blasted by Irene. Show ‘im who’s boss!
Eventually you step in and tell Irene you got this. Now it’s you vs. the Creeper from Jeepers Creepers.
Spoiler… Clancy was the mastermind behind it all.
Explore more strange locales as you seek out to hunt down Clancy.
Hayabusa’s clone isn’t quite dead yet…
Shame this port wasn’t enhanced more visually. The SNES could do so much more with this background.
Unfortunately, you’re a bit too late. Clancy has already made the life energy his and rambles on about the dimensional warship’s power.
Thought the previous levels were hard enough? You ain’t seen nothing yet.
Precise and skilled platforming is the order of the day.
Genocide? Ryu ain’t down with that, Clancy. The time for talk is over.
Defending the fate of the universe, it’s up to you to put an end to this monster’s wicked plans.
Clancy’s true form is soon revealed…
Konami would be proud. Slash that sucker!
BLOODY HELL. You knew it couldn’t be that easy. Get ready for the final ultimate battle.
There’s screen-filling bosses and then there’s this guy. Holy shit. It doesn’t get any crazier than both life bars going down to the wire… with you barely winning out. On the final boss no less. Best feeling in a video game!
Sayonara, bitch!
Hayabusa dropping some knowledge there!
Regardless of how bad things may seem, never forget the darkest hour is just before the dawn.
REMEMBER WHEN…
I certainly was not alone. Many kids can fondly recall seeing Ninja Gaiden at Toys R Us back in 1989. We loved it even if it kicked our asses. Then when the SNES came out in 1991, we just assumed the inevitability of a souped up 16-bit version. Alas, it wasn’t meant to be.
Good-bye, dear old friend
Yes, I remember the days of scrolling down the game aisles at Toys R Us once upon a moon. The iconic toy store is currently closing for good in 2018. Kind of sad to think my future kids will never know what it’s like to walk up and down those magical aisles. Rest In Peace, TRU.
WHAT THE CRITICS SAID
Ninja Gaiden Trilogy was met with mixed reviews. Some liked it for having all three classic NES platformers on one cartridge and the brand new password feature, but others did not like the cuts or mostly lazy effort. Even to this day, it remains quite the polarizing SNES title. EGM gave it scores of 8.5, 6.5, 6.5 and 6.0. Nowadays it fetches for a fair penny, so it’s hard to recommend it at the going rate unless you absolutelyhave to play a Ninja Gaiden game on your SNES.
CLOSING THOUGHTS
I liked Ninja Gaiden Trilogy when I first played it back in 2006. I still like it even though the project could have been handled better. Whereas Super Mario All-Stars knocked it out of the park, Ninja Gaiden Trilogy is not the poster boy for how to properly present a compilation. But the three NES games included in this package are still playable and at their core, they’re still quality games. I love the password feature as it allows me to beat the game at my pace, and also encourages random revisiting throughout the years. The critics can hate on this game all they like — I still enjoy it very much and come back to it every so often.
Although sadly not the Ninja Gaiden sequel we wanted or even the A+++ port we deserved, the games are still good enough to make this a redeeming package. Should it have been more? For sure. A Ninja Gaiden game on the SNES should be in the pantheon of Super Nintendo greats. This is far from that but in the end, I’m grateful to have it in my collection. And I’m not talking from a monetary stance. I still like playing these three games and always will. Sometimes we can get hung up on what isn’t rather than simply enjoying what is. In the case of Ninja Gaiden Trilogy — despite being slightly butchered — better to have it on the SNES than not at all.
Avengers: Infinity War opened this past weekend (April 27, 2018) and grossed a whopping 640.9 million over its first weekend. Infinity War now holds claim to the biggest opening weekend in cinematic history, toppling The Fate of the Furious’ 541.9 million opening weekend by nearly 100 million. It also scored the biggest opening weekend in North America with 258.2 million, beating out the 248 million grossed by Star Wars: The Force Awakens. It’s crazy to think it was 10 years ago that the Marvel cinematic universe began with the epochal Iron Man (May 2, 2008). 10 years later, MCU kills it yet again with Avengers: Infinity War. Some people are sick of Marvel movies but as long as they’re this good, keep ‘em coming I say! The latest film centers around Thanos’ quest to acquire the six Infinity Gems. What a perfect time, then, to review Marvel Super Heroes: War of the Gems. Capcom’s second to last North American SNES release (Street Fighter Alpha 2 being their last), Marvel Super Heroes: War of the Gems is a curious and worthy follow-up to X-Men: Mutant Apocalypse.
MY FIRST EXPOSURE TO MARVEL
A staple of many childhoods back in 1991
If you were a child of the early ’90s, chances were you somehow got mixed up in the superhero subculture. It was simply a sign of the times. From trading cards to cartoons to toys to video games, superheroes and super villains dominated the scene. My brother, our friends and I used to hang out at this card shop, Triple Play. It was right next to the local library and a mom and pop rental shop. What a great time to be a kid! We spent much of our childhood down at the card shop buying the latest in the Marvel ’91 series and trading them. When we weren’t busy trading or buying Marvel ’91, we played the Street Fighter II arcade cab right in the store. It was a splendid time to be growing up in suburban America.
Who could ever forget the bar stats on the back?
My favorite thing about the Marvel ’91 cards? Hands down the enticing stats on the back of the cards. This is where my obsession with numbers and ratings probably first developed, and a large reason (EGM is another factor) as to why I personally like to rate video games. To me numbers have always been a fun snapshot at things. I remember Fin Fang Foom’s stats were off the charts. He had something nuts like three 7’s.
X MARKS THE SPOT, FINALLY
Back in the ’90s, superhero games were hit or miss. They were more of a miss on home consoles. It wasn’t until X-Men: Mutant Apocalypse that I felt things were starting to head in the right direction. I remember there was quite a bit of hype behind it. Seeing it grace the cover of the biggest EGM issue of all time definitely got our hopes up. Maybe we’ll finally get the X-Men game we always wanted…
Wolverine with a Dragon Punch? Take my money!
And although it has its shortcomings, X-Men: Mutant Apocalypse was a solid action game that was pretty fun to play. It wasn’t quite the epic superhero game we were all hoping for, but it was an admirable effort.
ROUND TWO FINAL ROUND, FIGHT!
Exactly two years later, EGM issue #89 arrived in my mailbox. This was a bittersweet issue for me. It highlighted 16-Bit’s “last hurrah” so to speak.
I can’t tell you how many times I read that article. Flashback to December of 1996. Although my brother and I still had our SNES, we were almost exclusively playing our PlayStation and N64. However, I never forgot all the great memories my dear old friend, the SNES, gave me over the years. So EGM’s article hit way too close to home. 1996 was indeed going to be 16-Bit’s last gasp and last “big” Christmas season.
I loved the whole presentation of it. The yellow background, the nice big title dramatically declaring 16-BIT’S LAST STAND… but the best part was the last batch of 16-bit titles EGM featured. In particular, one title really stood out and caught my eye…
My eyes popped when I saw Marvel Super Heroes: War of the Gems. It looked absolutely badass. The fact that Capcom was behind it was all I needed to know!
The previews had me droolingGotta love those classic EGM captions from the ’90sNot your crappy SNES Captain America and the Avengers!Never ever EVER mention that abomination againArcade version was GREATSNES port, not so much…The ad got me even more hyped
Yet despite all my interest and curiosity, I actually never got to play this game back in the ’90s. High school soon came calling in the late ’90s and I sort of fell out of gaming for a while there. Fast forward to January 2006, I experienced one crazy SNES comeback for the ages. It was a chance at gaming redemption. Marvel Super Heroes: War of the Gems was high on my list of SNES games I always wanted to play but never did.
I bought a mint copy at a local flea market on Saturday, February 25, 2006. I’ll never forget firing up War of the Gems later that same night. It was like finally meeting up with that ship that sailed by so many moons ago…
I chose the Incredible Hulk first and had one hell of a Saturday night smashing bad guys left and right. It’s not the greatest game but I thoroughly enjoyed it nonetheless.
THE STORY GOES…
Whoever collects all six Infinity Gems will become omnipotent and virtually unstoppable. Adam Warlock has enlisted the services of the Marvel Super Heroes to bring them back home safely.
Falling from the heavens above, the six Infinity Gems have been scattered throughout the world. Procuring them before they fall into the wrong hands is of the utmost importance. You’ll traverse many different places, from the Amazon River in South America to the frozen tundra in Alaska to the Boston Aquarium.
Capcom’s intros from that era always stood out, and this is yet another solid example. The world’s mightiest superheroes have assembled on your SNES — it’s time to wreck some shit up!
Wolverine gets intense like only he can. I’m hyped!
HOLDING OUT FOR A HERO
Standing 6’2″ and weighing 220 pounds, Captain America is the symbol of patriotism personified. Balanced in speed and power, Cap attacks with his trusty shield and charging shoulder tackles.
Standing 6’1″ and weighing 225 pounds, Iron Man is a bit on the slow side due to the nature of his suit (which puts him at 6’6″ and 425 pounds). However, he compensates for his lack of speed with the power and flight game. Able to double jump and briefly fly, Iron Man is the most versatile superhero in the game.
Standing 5’10” and weighing 167 pounds, Spider-Man is the fastest of the lot. But he’s also the weakest. Use his web slinging prowess to take out the trash. He can also cling to walls and climb to new areas that some of the others are unable to reach.
Standing 5’3″ and weighing 195 pounds (300 with Adamantium skeleton), Wolverine is a vicious and balanced fighter. He’s not as fast as Spider-Man or as strong as Captain America, but he’s stronger than Spider-Man and faster than Captain America. He plays exactly like how he did in X-Men: Mutant Apocalypse, and that’s fine by me!
Standing 7’6″ and weighing over half a ton, the Incredible Hulk is the bruiser of the group. He’s also the slowest. But when you just want to smash the crap out of everything, it’s hard to go wrong with Hulk.
Select your superhero and pick any of the four initial stages. Unlike X-Men: Mutant Apocalypse, any hero can be used on any level. It gives the game a little more replay value when the levels don’t force you to use a certain character. But some characters are more suited to certain levels than others. For example, Iron Man does really well at the Boston Aquarium. Sorry Cap — take a backseat!
Best sit this one out. Lemme show ya how it’s done
Always one to make, pardon the pun, a splashy entrance, Iron Man flies in on his jet boosters. It isn’t long before the glass shatters and the whole place becomes Waterworld.
Repulsor Beam does well to break down barriers. Even better, use his flying headbutt attack for multiple hits.
Deliver a sweet three hit combo in mid-air. Then battle the evil version of Vision.
Remember to keep an eye on your air gauge. Turn Tony Stark into Ryu with a nice Rising Uppercut.
Hawkeye you traitor you! Not really, that’s just his evil clone.
GODDAMN that was close…
Question: what’s worse than fighting one evil version of Iron Man? Fighting two of course. Scale the platforms for some fun cat and mouse play. Iron Man’s double jump works really well here.
Infinity Gem #1 secured! It’s on to the next…
Damn right, Collector (hello Benicio Del Toro)
Spider-Man swings into the Amazon like only he can.
Spider-Man’s ability to cling to walls and scale them makes him quite versatile. The boss of this stage is an evil version of Wolverine.
Beware the spikes. Landing on them will cause extra damage. Sadly, falling into the spikes doesn’t hurt the boss. Use Spidey’s swinging attacks to keep Wolvie on his toes.
Cap finds his shield buried in the ice…
Captain America slings his shield to perfection. Shoulder tackle Hawkeye before he even gets off a shot.
Versatile is Cap’s shield. Send it downward or upward to knock off unsuspecting fools. Some of the levels have barriers as seen here. Wolverine and Spider-Man are too weak to break them so they must scale up. Captain America and Hulk can’t jump high enough to access the upper area so they must smash through. Iron Man has the strength to bust through or double jump up. No wonder I like Iron Man the best.
Halfway through this stage, a group of evil Pucks serve as sort of a mid-boss. They can be very tough as they flank you like ants on sugar.
Where’s the Incredible Hulk when you need him?! Evil Sasquatch comes bursting out of the frozen wall like he was shot out of a cannon. Don’t get too close unless you like being dinner.
Nobody slashes up the competition quite like ol’ Wolvie. Unfortunately, he’s too weak (what?!) to bust through that thick wall there, or scale your way up.
Reminiscent, much? All his greatest hits from X-Men: Mutant Apocalypse is back.
Scaling Dr. Doom’s castle can be hazardous to your health. Speaking of the good doctor, watch out for his deadly energy beams. Thankfully, Wolverine is so short that they fly right over his head!
Unsurprisingly, Dr. Doom declares this isn’t the last you will see of him (and he’s right). After beating the first four stages, we learn Magus is holding one of the Infinity Gems on a giant orbiting battleship. Time to send the Hulk!
Shanghaied in Space?! “HULK SMASH!!!”
Godzilla vs. MechaGodzilla? Forget that, it’s Hulk vs. Evil Hulk! Hulk smashes walls like no one else.
“HULK NO WANT HOLD! HULK WANT SMASH!!”
Another mid-boss battle ensues. Hulk doing what he does best!
Position yourself on the edge so that the lasers just barely miss hitting you. Bash and repeat. Your reward is a classic SNES style explosion.
Nothing’s better than grabbing a goon and chucking him across the screen, taking out the entire crowd. As strong as Hulk is though, he’s not invincible. Don’t just stand there taking energy beams… even if it looks super cool.
Standing between you and the next Infinity Gem is the double tough Magus. He moves so fast (guess which Gem he has) that you can actually see his shadow trail. What a lovely visual touch!
Scoundrel! That Magus is a sneaky little bitch. Hulk be like “DAFUQ.”
Uppercut him into the air and follow up with a pulverizing double axe handle. So damn satisfying.
Defeating Magus opens up the next set of stages to conquer. You’ll face off with the likes of Black Heart and even the evil version of Thing.
Special cameos abound, as seen here with Doctor Strange. And as he promised earlier, Dr. Doom returns for a final battle.
Nebula! Nice to see her in the game, especially considering how popular she has become since Guardians of the Galaxy. Thanos is the final big bad.
Thanos vs. Hulk is a WrestleMania worthy main event. But the Hulk is the better man mutant on this night, and the Infinity Gems are now in safe hands.
Congratulations to our mighty superheroes! Nice shot there of the crew.
Helpful items can be acquired during your quest. For example, if you die on a stage then that character you were using is no longer available. However, you’re able to revive him and regain his services with the usage of the revival power-up.
EXTRA POWER
In addition, you can incorporate the various Infinity Gems to increase your powers. The Time Gem doubles your speed (give it to Hulk). The Power Gem increases your power (Spider-Man, who can strike up to six times, becomes quite the wrecking ball with it equipped). It’s fun to mix and match as you see fit. This versatility adds to the gameplay and gives it a leg up on X-Men: Mutant Apocalypse.
TRAINING DAY
There’s also a Training Room where you can fight random enemies 1 on 1. It’s too bad there wasn’t a 2 player option here. Granted, the moves are fairly limited being a beat ‘em up platformer, but this would have made for a nice bonus mode.
Remember fantasizing as a kid about what would happen if the Hulk and Thing ever came to blows? Sure, you could read the various comic books in which they clashed, but there’s something cool about deciding the outcome yourself in video game form.
Capcom should have spent a little more time on this. With a proper 2 player mode, War of the Gems would trulybe a gem.
THE ARCADE GAME
Capcom released Marvel Super Heroes in arcades back in October of 1995. Such a port to the SNES would have been impossible, combined with the fact that by 1996 the SNES was no longer a viable machine.
Marvel Super Heroes was loud, brash and in your face. Along with X-Men: Children of the Atom, these two games were the prototype for what would later become Capcom’s notoriously over the top VS. series.
A Super Nintendo port of this game in 1996 would have been doomed to fail, both due to the late release in the system’s lifespan and how butchered and watered down it would have been.
Instead Capcom gave the remaining loyal SNES fans Marvel Super Heroes: War of the Gems. Instead of being a 1-on-1 fighting game, it was a single plane beat ‘em up with some platforming elements integrated. As such, it worked fine for what it is. Capcom threw us a bone, and if nothing else, it’s a curious entry in Capcom’s longstanding SNES catalog.
In an alternate reality, it would have been interesting to see what this game would play like had Capcom gone the traditional Street Fighter II route instead. You already have Captain America, Spider-Man, Wolverine, Iron Man and Hulk. Magus, Blackheart, Nebula, Dr. Doom and Thanos makes the roster a nice round number of 10. Give each of them a handful of special moves and it could have been a solid fighting game exclusive to the SNES. There’s a part of me that wishes Capcom had done that. But I’m also fine with what we got because what we got is a solid game in its own right.
Siiiick
WHAT THE CRITICS SAID
Because it came out so late in the SNES’ lifespan, War of the Gems came and went with very little fanfare. It was not reviewed by either EGM or GameFan, and Super Play closed its doors a few months before the game could even come out. From my online travels around various gaming boards for the past 15+ years, more people seem to like it than not. Some prefer Mutant Apocalypse. Some prefer War of the Gems. Both games are worth playing (and owning). But for the record, I like War of the Gems better.
CLOSING THOUGHTS
It’s always nice to at long last knock a childhood curiosity off your to-play list. I liked War of the Gems a lot when I first played it over 12 years ago, and I still like it now. From its curiously late release to its amazing sprite work, there’s just something about this game that I really dig. Not to mention the five superheroes that made the cut (Captain America, Spider-Man, Iron Man, Wolverine and Hulk) are my top five superheroes of all time. They all look great (though poor Cap looks a bit funky) and their special powers puts you right in their shoes. I like that you can select the order of stages to tackle as well as the ability to pick any hero for any level. It was an improvement from Mutant Apocalypse which had predetermined stages for its roster. Also, the addition of the Infinity Gems is a game changer. Hulk too slow for your liking? Equip his big ass with the Time Gem and speed is no longer an issue. Spider-Man too weak? Give him the Power Gem and watch Hulk grow green (er… greener) with envy. It’s fun to experiment and definitely increases the game’s longevity.
The visuals are top-notch. They’re big, beefy and intricately detailed. Coming out so late, you would expect nothing less from Capcom, and they sure didn’t disappoint. It gets you in the proper ass-kicking mood. Unfortunately, the sound is nowhere as high in quality. Landing blows doesn’t sound as impactful as I would have liked, and the music isn’t anything to write home about. Another blemish is that the game plays a bit slowly due to the massive sprites, which may turn off some hardcore action aficionados but I personally did not mind. Also, the levels are short and the enemies can feel rather sparse. It’s definitely not an A+ effort by Capcom, but I never got the feeling that it was just a cheap attempt at a cash grab. The game is also on the short and easy side, but that may be viewed more as a positive than a negative depending on one’s perspective.
We salute thee, Stan Lee!
But one thing’s for sure, at least from where I sit, and that’s this: I had an absolute blast playing through War of the Gems. And I find myself revisiting it randomly throughout the years. For me it never gets old slicing up bad guys with Wolverine’s claws, or blasting bastards to Kingdom Come with Iron Man’s proton beams. Could Capcom have done more? Sure. But War of the Gems, while it may fall short of being a true gem, is still one hell of a swashbuckling time. It definitely left me wanting more, and is worthy of a spot in your Super Nintendo collection. Besides, let’s face it, at the end of a long hard day at work, sometimes you just wanna be the Hulk and smash shit up.
Graphics: 8.5 Sound: 7 Gameplay: 8 Longevity: 7
Overall: 8.0 Silver Award
Aw, thanks Tony! [Damnit Stark, don’t encourage him -Ed.]
One of the earliest SNES games released in North America, Ultraman owns the distinction of being the first 1-on-1 fighting game on the Super Nintendo. If you were around any game rental store back in late 1991, chances are you too came across a boxed copy of Ultraman: Towards The Future. To its credit, the box art is pretty snazzy, blasting your senses with its frenetic energy and seemingly hi-octane larger than life action. Back in those days, the box art was often your first impression of a game, and Ultraman certainly made a nice splash in that regard. Flipping to the back of the box revealed promising screenshots of a fighting game with monsters. What could go wrong, right? Sadly, as it turns out, much.
If you were a monster and video game lover like me in those days, then the box art of Ultraman and the description on the back undoubtedly had you sold. Taking the box to the counter, you handed it over to the clerk as you watched your old man plunk down the dollar ninety nine. You felt like the luckiest kid in the universe — Street Fighter II with monsters!? Is this real life? I would soon come to find out that mentioning Ultraman and Street Fighter II in the same breath was the gravest of sins…
MONSTER LOVER
The King of the Monsters
Some kids grew up with greats such as Cal Ripken Jr., John Elway or Michael Jordan as their idol. I, on the other hand, grew up on the 24-inch pythons of the immortal Hulk Hogan and the fire spewing, train chomping big guy himself, Godzilla. Thanks to my dad, Uncle Jimmy, some local mom and pop rental shops and the infamous Godzilla POWER HOUR, I rarely missed any of the big guy’s adventures. If someone was decked out in a rubber suit stomping around miniature cities, chances were I was probably there with a grin plastered across my kisser as cheesy as the monster movies of my youth itself.
While I loved all monsters small and big, my absolute favorite was without a doubt GODZILLA. Remember all those old box covers for the Godzilla movies? Most of them are seared into my retina, with Godzilla 1985 in particular sticking out. Who could ever forget that classic yellow golden border or the menacing up close money shot of Godzilla (complete with fangs and all) leering over Tokyo. A blurb by Joel Siegel “THE BEST GODZILLA IN 30 YEARS… HYSTERICAL FUN.”Good times.
I must have read the back of this box 50 times! Love that iconic shot of Godzilla looming over Tokyo
One Saturday night in 1989, my parents took me to this fancy mall. Being 20 minutes away from home and a little farther out than our neighborhood mall, this mall was less frequented and thus carried with it an extra air of mystique. It was like that exotic mall that truly had all the good shit. I can recall the excitement welling up in the pit of my stomach as my dad wrestled to find a parking spot on that hectic Saturday night. I still remember bypassing the escalator and running up the stairs to make my way to the inviting neon purple glow of the classic SAM GOODY logo. The sign seemed so huge as a kid — it looked like it stretched on for miles and miles.
Ah, the nostalgia…
It’s funny how as kids the simplest pleasures brought us such great satisfaction. For me, going to Sam Goody back in the late ’80s was one of those simple joys, especially at this particular mall that felt larger than life. I wasted no time making a beeline toward the SCI-FI section. I scoured over the Godzilla movies to see if there were any I had missed. Due to this mall having a certain mystique, in my head as a kid I rationalized that maybe it might carry exclusive Godzilla movies. Ahh, the innocence of being six or so!
After my disappointment of not seeing any new Godzilla films, I was ready to leave when I saw it… GAMERA VS. GAOS. My heart skipped a beat when I saw the distinctive VS. on the side of the box. I knew those two magical letters could only mean one thing: MONSTER MOVIE MADNESS!
I could hardly contain my excitement as I plucked out the VHS box to examine its glorious front and back cover. It was my first exposure to Gamera. Even at my young age I could tell Gamera was clearly a Godzilla ripoff, but it was the thrill of discovering something brand new in a genre you hold near and dear to your heart. I shoved the tape in my dad’s face. My old man whipped out the ol’ credit card and like so many times before, he made the magic happen. The rest of the evening I walked around the mall with my mom, dad and brother happily clutching the SAM GOODY bag, occasionally glancing inside to admire that cheesy yet glorious Gamera vs. Gaos box art.
Such an awesome back coverI recall gawking at this as we went through the mall
What can I say? I loved giant monster movies. Fast forward to 1992 where I would meet my latest daikaiju addiction…
ULTRAMAN: TOWARDS THE USA
January 1992. I was 8 years old and woke up every Saturday morning around 7 to catch all the latest cartoons. One Saturday I caught the first episode of Ultraman: Towards The Future. I didn’t know who Ultraman was at the time. But I knew the show featured giant monsters and that was good enough for me. I remember watching Ultraman fighting a nasty alien creature (Gudis) with limbs that would make Dhalsim green with envy. Best of all, his brain was on top of his head!
Gudis came back later revamped as Super Gudis
Ultraman, like Gamera, was no Godzilla but I cheered on Ultraman nonetheless. There were 13 episodes in all — the last one airing more than 25 years ago on March 28, 1992. I never missed an episode and loved the camp value.
The toyline was pretty damn badass
Ah… the memories (of what wasn’t). Dreamworks Toys released an Ultraman lineup in the spring of ’92 to go along with the US TV series. The figures were around 10 inches tall. Kerwin, my brother’s best friend at the time, asked me what I wanted for my 9th birthday. I told him I wanted Majaba. Kerwin assuredly told me, “You got it, Steve-O.”
Wait a second… Majaba that ain’t
Fast forward to the summer of 1992. Right off the bat I knew something was off when the wrapped present with Kerwin’s name on the tag was about 5 inches tall. I opened his gift and out came Launchpad McQuack. Now don’t get me wrong, I love me some Darkwing Duck and Launchpad’s a cool cat but he ain’t Majaba! Way to get a guy’s hopes up, eh? Nonetheless, in the end I was grateful for his generosity. After all, he was my brother’s friend. He wasn’t obligated to get me jack. Speaking of Kerwin, after my family moved in 1996 my brother lost touch with him. He managed to track him down around 2003 where we found out that Kerwin was in Las Vegas trying to earn his DJ stripes. Big guy, wherever you are out there, I hope you are in good health and peace of mind. Even if you got me Launchpad McQuack instead of Majaba as you promised me, you big fat bastard
EVERGREEN VIDEO
In the late ’80s and early ’90s my brother Kevin and I frequented a little mom and pop shop named Evergreen Video. Oh how I loved that place. I can still hear the little chime that rung each time you entered the hallowed halls of Evergreen Video. The smell of the oakwood shelves permeates to this day. As documented in Memories of Renting, Tom was the source that corrupted us. One day in early 1992 my dad and I made our traditional Saturday afternoon trek to rent the latest video game. Tom recently bought some SNES games to keep up with the changing of the guard. At that time we didn’t have the internet and I had yet to follow gaming magazines religiously. So imagine my shock and excitement when I saw Ultraman! I’ll never forget how it came with a HUGE blown up 8×11 black and white photocopied manual as opposed to the original booklet. I guess Tom was protective of his instruction manuals!
FRIDAY, MAY 16, 2008
Peering in the defunct remains of Evergreen Video
On this night (now nearly 10 years ago, damn) my cousin Vivian threw me a graduation dinner with the family. We ate at this Chinese restaurant that coincidentally just happened to be a couple stores down from where Evergreen Video once stood proudly. I hadn’t been to that area in eons. On my drive to the restaurant, I couldn’t help but reminisce about all the fond memories of my dad taking me there every Saturday to rent the latest NES game. The wave of memories came flooding back as I pulled into that parking lot. It was my first time being back in that plaza in a good decade or so. I decided to pay a quick visit to the defunct remains of Evergreen Video before heading inside the restaurant. It was sad standing there and seeing the place devoid of any sort of life. Tom’s friendly smile behind the register counter was long gone. As I stared through the glass door like a frozen statue, I couldn’t help but wonder where was Tom and his family — were they OK? Were they continuing to live the American Dream? My conscious stream of thought was shattered when my phone rang.
“Steve! Where are you? Only you would be late to your own party!” Vivian joked.
“I’m right outside. Be there in half a minute…”
Taking it all in one last time
After a scrumptious dinner celebrating my graduation from grad school, we found ourselves hanging out in the parking lot. It was good to see all of them again. Billy, Vivian’s crazy husband, enthusiastically shared his latest cash cow scheme with my brother and me as we made our way to our cars. Never change, Billy.My cousins invited me to movie night but I told them I’ll catch them in a few. First, I had some unfinished business to take care of: I wanted one final glimpse at my dear old friend. There was now only a glimmer of sunlight striking the top of all the stores’ windows in this plaza. It was surreal and felt like a scene right out of a Hollywood movie. I stole one last peek in the empty store where Evergreen Video once stood. Turning my back to the store, I stood there for a minute to take in the cool night air, reflecting and also thinking about the future.
Always sad to see your favorite stores go defunct
It was a very raw and exciting time in my life. I was 24 years old, I just earned my teaching credential and I was this close to realizing my dream of having my very own classroom of students to teach and positively impact. As the final shards of sunlight pierced the storefront, I decided that was enough pontification for one night. I placed my childhood memories back in the box, texted my cousins that I was on my way and fired up my old 1992 Honda Accord.
The night was still young… AND SO WAS I
BLOODY GOOD TIMES… LITERALLY
Originally written June 2008. Revived April 2018!
THE STORY GOES…
Not bad… pretty close!
Ultraman is fairly accurate to its source material. That’s good. Unfortunately, the gameplay is very stiff and limited. But hey, minor kudos for replicating the look, eh?
FINISH HIM!
Beating a monster for good is somewhat cumbersome. To do so, their energy bar must signal “finish” AND you must blast them with a Level 4 power shot. And because they can recover health, make sure they’re really “finished” before firing your L4 shot. Nothing’s worse than seeing them recuperate a smidgen of their health right as you fire your L4 beam — d’oh!
FANTASTIC FOUR
L1 sends forth the basic KNUCKLE SHOOTER. You also have the option of firing off four consecutive L1 shots if you’re at level L4.
L2 fires the moderately improved ARROW BEAM. You can emit two of these beams at L4 if you wish or one at L3 and then one L1. At least you get choices, right?
L3’s MAGNUM SHOOTER does quite a number but you’re so close to L4… why waste it in one single shot? I tend to use L3 the least.
L4’s BURNING PLASMA is Ultraman’s ticket home. “HADOKEN!”
MEET THE MONSTERS
And you thought Uncle Fred at Thanksgiving was bad
Gudis is an evil space virus determined to destroy and consume every life form in the universe. Once infected with the Gudis virus, the victim is unable to control itself and becomes part of Gudis’ plan. The power of Gudis continues to grow and multiply as it assimilates other creatures into itself. Stop the vile monster before it reaches the city!
ProTip: Avoid enemy projectiles“HI-YAH!”
Bogun is a gruesome genetic mutation. With a horrific head at each end of its sluglike body, Bogun defends itself and attacks you using its strong antenna. Unfortunately, Bogun has already infiltrated the city. Hurry up and exercise damage control!
THABTO. Shout out to Ghost Writer Just like me after Taco BellOh you wish
Degola is originally a God of the Australian Aborigines. In full force, Degola appears as a whirlwind, destroying everything in its path. This whirlwind, however, is merely to disguise the Gudis infected creature within. Whatever it is, one thing’s for sure: it’s a force to be reckon with that must be terminated pronto.
I always found Degola to be creepy disturbing as a kidI rest my case!“MWAHAHAHA!”Who’s finishing whom first? The drama…
The way monsters died in this game was pretty glorious
Barrangas, emphasis on the last three letters, can emit a toxic gas from its hideous body. I dig the quiet peaceful looking city backdrop. What a shame it’s actually anything but peaceful!
Just like me again…Aw damn, that ain’t cool“Quick — I’ve got less than two minutes!”
Look who’s back and uglier, stronger and deadlier than before! Super Gudis is a wormlike creature that slithers alarmingly quick. Make sure you leave his bloody carcass scattered in pieces across this miserable war torn land!
Didn’t I just say that?Damn straight! Another nail-biting finale
Zebokon is usually a lethargic lumbering monster who lives in the depths of the forest. But after being infected with the Gudis virus, Zebokon has gone mad and is now attacking anything that moves. He has one hell of a battering ram to boot. Dark and ominous thunder clouds decorate this atmospheric backdrop.
[Har har -Ed.]What is he — a Samoan wrestler?!Look all around, there’s nothing but blue skies. I can see clearly now…
Majaba, a giant pesticide-mutated grasshopper, is very quick and jumps really friggin’ high. Its razor-sharp claws will tear apart any metal known to mankind.
Kamacuras (AKA Gimantis) was one of the lesser monsters from Toho’s kaiju cannon. Majaba definitely takes some form of inspiration from Kamacuras.
He even finds time to work out in the heat of battle
Kodalar scared me as a kid. He even defeated Ultraman in the TV series finale and is the only monster able to claim that. Tough son of a bitch!
Major hang time
[Did Ultraman turn into Hacksaw Jim Duggan? -Ed.]
Kilazee comes from the darkest corner of the galaxy. He’s no King Ghidorah, but he is Ultraman’s final test.
Eat your heart out, Spider Man“HA-CHOO!”
Ultraman gives the universe a golden shower! [Um… nevermind… -Ed.]Ultraman no longer needed… for now…
ULTRA MISCELLANEOUS
“How dare you piss on our contract!” *rimshot*Without the slobber, pleaseSee? They’re not such a violent lot
Tainted love, tainted love. Don’t touch me, pleaseYou need someone to hold you tight. But I’m sorry I don’t pray that way!
WHAT THE CRITICS SAID
Flying straight to the trash bin
Ultraman: Towards The Future was critically panned. In fact, some even dubbed it Ultraman: Towards The Trash Bin. As bad as it is, it wouldn’t quite make my top 10 worst SNES games list. There’s a handful of crappy SNES games out there that are even more unplayable than Ultraman.
CLOSING THOUGHTS
DAT COVER THO
Ultraman captures the look of the TV series well and had the potential to be decent. Unfortunately, the execution was terribly flawed. You can only use Ultraman, there’s no two player mode, the moveset is limited and compounding that error is the stiff control. Ultraman moves around like he just crapped his pants. Where’s the agile karate kicking warrior as seen on the cover, eh? Sure, some monsters require small strategic changes but due to the limited amount of moves at your disposal that strategy is extremely marginal. Visually, the game fares a bit better. Though the graphics didn’t wow anyone even back in 1991, it’s got a certain rubber monster charm to it. The sprites could be bigger though, and the lack of animation is quite disappointing. On the plus side, the cheesy monster roars fit right in and some of the tunes are even a bit catchy. But it’s not a good sign when a game’s high point is the box art…
I hate when that happens
In spite of all its warts, there’s something oddly charming about Ultraman. I guess first generation SNES games have a certain charm to them. Of course, things were a lot different back then. My dad rented the game for $1.99, my brother invited all the kids on our block to our house and we played it like it was the last video game on Earth. If nothing else, I’ll always cherish those memories of a more innocent time in my young life. Ultraman was a victim of lazy programming but I’m proud it’s part of my SNES library due to the history I have with the game. It’s there purely for the nostalgia of a simpler time. Oh, and that badass cover art.
25 years ago this month, NBA Jam hit the arcade scene and became a worldwide phenomenon. It’s become embedded in the fabric of pop culture and remains as relevant today as it was back in April of 1993. Even to this day, people quote phrases such as “HE’S ON FIRE!” and “BOOM SHAKA LAKA!” Naturally, clones would soon appear following the smash success of NBA Jam. One of them was Barkley Shut Up and Jam. Let’s just say, there’s a reason why people fondly reminisce about NBA Jam even 25 years later and there’s a reason why many people have forgotten about Barkley Shut Up and Jam. But does that mean the game is completely without merit? Time to pump my Reebok sneakers and find out…
BATS, BOBCATS AND BARKLEY
My childhood Hollywood Video, taken January 2006
On a quiet rainy Monday evening of January 30, 2006, just two weeks into my Super Nintendo comeback, I stopped by my childhood Hollywood Video. That evening I drove to my old stomping grounds hopeful to add more games to my rapidly growing collection.
Bats, bobcats and Barkley indeed
Entering the giant store like I’d done so many times before more than a decade ago, I wasted no time in making a beeline straight for Game Crazy. Hell, not even the horror section could entice me on this night. I ended up getting six SNES games. While I was ecstatic to buy ActRaiser, the game that thrilled me most at the time was actually Barkley Shut Up and Jam. Aside from Bubsy, it’s the only game of the lot that I rented as a kid. I remember enjoying it with my brother and friends back in the summer of 1994, so I had a strong nostalgic connection to it. I was morbidly curious to see how it would hold up some 12 years later.
Hard to believe 2006 is now 12 years ago…What a fun time early 2006 was to get back into SNES
THE CHUCKSTER
The Round Mound of Rebound
Born and raised in Leeds, Alabama, Sir Charles Barkley averaged 19.1 points and 17.9 rebounds per game his senior year in high school. He played three years of college ball for Auburn University, averaging 14.1 points, 9.6 rebounds and 1.7 blocks per game. He declared for the NBA draft in 1984 where he was selected #5 by the Philadelphia 76ers, just two slots after Chicago took Michael Jordan. He averaged 14 points and 8.6 rebounds per game his rookie season. He gave the 76ers’ organization and fans eight tremendous years. His best years there included averages of 28.3 points and 11.9 rebounds per game. Another season he averaged 23 points, 14.6 rebounds, 4.9 assists, 1.8 steals and 1.5 blocks per game. Barkley was traded to the Phoenix Suns following the 1991-1992 season.
Barkley continued his reign of dominance in the Valley of the Sun. His first year there was arguably his best. Averaging 25.6 points, 12.2 rebounds and a career high 5.1 assists per game, Barkley led the Suns to a 62-20 record and was deemed MVP. The Suns made the NBA Finals that year (their first since 1976) but lost in six games to Michael Jordan and the Bulls.
Houston, we’ve got a problem
Barkley was shipped to the Houston Rockets on August 19, 1996. Now at the back end of his career, Barkley was joining a veteran team in hopes of finally capturing a Championship ring. Playing alongside Hakeem “The Dream” Olajuwon and Clyde “The Glide” Drexler, the Rockets were considered title contenders. In the ’96-’97 season, Barkley averaged 19.2 points and 13.5 rebounds per game. The Rockets made the playoffs several times but always came up short. Barkley’s last NBA game took place on April 19, 2000. He was 37 years old.
LIFE AFTER BASKETBALL
Charles Barkley has always been a magnetic character. Outspoken and brash, Barkley went on to become a key member of TNT’s award winning Inside the NBA post-game show.
Chuckster having a good time with Ernie and KennyThe 76ers retired his #34 jersey on March 30, 2001
SHUT UP AND JAM
Shut Up and Jam is 2-on-2 street basketball. Play by the clock (1, 3 or 5 minutes per quarter) or by points (first team to 21 or 50 wins). Select from single game, series or tournament. A password feature is implemented to save your progress. Barkley is the big boss in the tournament mode if you manage to make it to the Finals.
SWEET 16
Select from 16 players, including Barkley himself and 15 street legends. As you would expect, each one has different strengths and weaknesses.
Turbo meter similar to NBA Jam. Watch your balls…Each game begins with a tip-off from the heavensAnd ends with stats. Whew, that was a close oneLike NBA Jam, no rules — let the bodies hit the floor!By any means necessary
POWERFUL JAMS
Dunks aren’t quite as outlandish as NBA JamI love the thunderous two-handed reverse FLUSH
Ah, the glory days of the NBA Slam Dunk ContestAlright, I see you, Gerald Green. I see you *golf clap*
PLAYERS
Sir Charles BarkleyNote: All ratings are out of 8
The round mound of rebound, Barkley is arguably the best player in the game. A fierce rebounder and competitor, Barkley is the king of trash talking.
Chilly
Two words: rebound specialist. Sans Barkley, no one can touch Chilly when it comes to pulling down boards. He’s got great speed, he can shoot twos and he can jam. Match him up with anyone who can shoot the three to create a potent 1-2 punch. Why is he called Chilly? Don’t piss him off and you’ll be lucky never to find out why.
D-Train
There’s nothing wimpy about D. This dude will swat it if you pull up in the lane. He’ll rip your head off if you get in front of him for a rebound. Combine his speed and defensive ability with a guy who can shoot the rock and you’ve got a blacktop team to reckon with.
Dane
Scouts drool over Dane. A jack of all trades, Dane has made a name for himself on the blacktops. Many believe he could not only play in the NBA but dominate it. But Dane isn’t about the travel life. He’s content being a legend in his own backyard where all the little kids look up to him. He’s not the greatest dunker around, but he does everything else very well to great.
Fly By
One of the worst 3 point shooters on the circuit, he didn’t earn his name for marksmanship. But if you want spectacular speed and slam dunks, Fly By is your guy.
Funky D
At the three point arc, this cat is LIGHTS OUT. Sure, he can’t dunk for diddly. And he bricks badly on the occasional 15 footer. Yeah, he gets bounced around inside like a rag doll. But if it’s bombs you want, it’s bombs you’ll get with the Funkster. Oh and you gotta love how he rocks that mini fro.
Gunner
Gunner earned his nickname for being the best damn shooter around. Sure, he can’t jam for shit, but who cares when you’ve got a guy who can hit from anywhere, is quick as hell and rebounds like a mad man.
Newts
Scouts don’t know whether to offer him an NBA tryout or call the FBI. Pure destruction down low, rumor has it Newts once broke a guy’s arm just for looking at him funny. Even Barkley is a little cautious around this certified nut job.
Sarge
There’s nothing flashy about Sarge, but no one ever outworks or outhustles him. Not the best talent on the streets, but he’s respected for his sheer tenacity and will to win.
Smoothy
Smoothy is quicker as a hiccup. Many have tried to knock off his shades but none have been successful — he’s just too damn fast! Aside from minor rebounding issues, he’s a dynamic little bastard.
Spike
While not the most talented player on the circuit, Spike is a legitimate double threat. Crowd him at half court and he’ll blow by you. Give him too much space and he’ll be hitting bombs from downtown.
Stonewall
A monster on the boards, Stonewall guards the paint like it were his booze. Big on intimidation, low on finesse. The battles for rebounding supremacy between him, Chilly, D-Train, Barkley and Newts are legendary.
Sweet Pea
If you like the long ball, Sweet Pea is your man. He practically knocks down threes in his sleep. He can also high rise with the best of them. A true showoff, Sweet Pea always puts on a show and has developed a cult following. He’s blessed with NBA talent but chooses to keep it in the streets.
T-Bone
If Barkley is the best of the 16, then T-Bone is definitely #2. Essentially the improved version of Dane, who in his own right is a jack of all trades, T-Bone is a KINGof all trades. The only player in the game with at least a six out of eight rating in every single category, T-Bone could walk onto an NBA court today and instantly be a top 3 player. His legend grows with each passing day. His battles with Dane are legendary as the two battle to be the LeBron James of street basketball.
Wildman
Gifted with blinding speed and a tremendous ability to dunk the basketball, he’s earned the moniker of Wildman because that’s the only way to describe his game. He may look like that one unskilled guy you played ball with growing up who could only hustle and jostle, but Wildman is a better shooter than one might think.
Xaos
A poor man’s Wildman, Xaos has trouble hanging with the big boys. He’s not bad, especially if speed and dunking is your thing. But everything he can do, Wildman does as well or better. If you like underdogs, Xaos is your guy.
BALLIN’ ALL OVER THE STATES
There are eight locations to choose from. Aside from Phoenix, they all take place in the streets. Let’s take a quick tour, then, shall we?
SEATTLE
This rooftop blacktop has seen many battles and bruises throughout the years. Those living in the apartment nearby get quite the view.
OAKLAND
Better bring your A-game, or you’ll quickly join the heap of trash.
WATTS
Watts is a residential district in southern Los Angeles. Hoop it up in the schoolyard at night, where a single street lamp oversees the intense action. Don’t bitch about how you can’t see — just shut up and jam.
HOUSTON
Players duke it out in this abandoned warehouse. The best players come here every weekend to stake their claim. For them, it’s the perfect way to spend a Saturday morning. Or any other morning for that matter.
MIAMI
It’s always a good time in Miami, unless you’re getting your ass kicked on this beautiful court. The ladies here like to size up the best of the best. While some will play to win their affection and adoration (among other things), others just want to win the game.
BROOKLYN
It’s not quite the fabled Rucker Park (of Harlem fame), but this court is famous in its own right. Word on the street is Michael Jordan honed his craft here a time or two. There’s always a big rowdy crowd on hand. Can’t handle the intensity? Best go back to your driveway, rook.
CHICAGO
Play by the infamous L Train in the shadow of the Windy City. This is yet another famous blacktop where the toughest and roughest have etched their name in the annals of street ball history.
PHOENIX
Last stop of the grand tour is the Valley of the Sun where you’ll go up against the great Sir Charles Barkley himself. Few street ballers have earned the right to play ball here and nobody, NOBODY, has ever beaten Barkley in his own building. Can you be the first to rewrite history? [Or solve a mystery… WOO HOO! Ahem, sorry… -Ed.]
Be sure and tell ‘em STEVE sent ya! AH-HA-HA-HA-HA!
Hope y’all enjoyed the grand tour. Be sure to stop by the gift shop and tell ‘em… ah, you know the rest!
WHERE AMAZING HAPPENS
Just another day at the office for the Funkster
Wildman doing what he does best: throwing down!
Smoothy slams it home and keeps his shades onSweet Pea with the killer windmill jam
Sweet Pea is nearly automatic from outsideAnd he doesn’t mind trash talking to boot!Spike gets so high his Mohawk nearly touches the skyThat Dane is money all day, all nightT-Bone knows that is goodTo the T-Bone fans out there, relax. He’ll get hisT-Bone: The LeBron James of the streetsT-Bone is so damn smooth and goodT-Bone gets major airThe wind up…And the signature stamp
GODZILLA VS. BARKLEY
The year was 1992. I was watching TV on a random Saturday night when I first saw the commercial for Godzilla vs. Charles Barkley. As a huge Godzilla fan, I couldn’t believe it. At the time I had no idea about the Heisei series (Godzilla films were still being cranked out in the early ’90s on a yearly basis). With no internet back then, the last I saw Godzilla was in Godzilla 1985. So to say that I lost my shit would be a gross understatement. The Big Guy was back!
I drew this some five years later in 1997
I even drew a picture of the fight for an art class in junior high. I can’t draw to save my life, but I had a blast drawing this all the same. Good times.
This made me the coolest kid in elementary school
I actually thought when I first saw the commercial in 1992 that they were going to turn this into a movie. My mom even bought me the t-shirt, which made me the coolest kid at school. My friends and classmates loved reading the profiles for Barkley and Godzilla. I recall Barkley’s favorite meal being mom’s home cooking!
Over 25 years ago now!
Bigger than King Ghidorah! Deadlier than MechaGodzilla! It’s… Charles Barkley?!
Never forget
CHARLES BARKLEY INTERVIEW
As I blew the dust off my old drawing, the wheels started to turn. What if, somehow, I could show Chuck this? And in the process, score an interview with the Round Mound of Rebound? I also asked if I could interview Barkley about his SNES video game. I sent out an email to Barkley’s PR people just over 10 years ago in 2008. Imagine my shock and disbelief when I saw the following in my email box…
From: Charles Barkley’s PR people
Sent: Tue 3.18.08 9:05 AM
To: Steve
Your Godzilla vs. Barkley drawing was sent to Charles, in addition to your request for an interview for his old video game. It was well received. We can set something up for next week. Charles is very busy but he said he can swing 10 minutes.
As a result, I found myself interviewing Charles Barkley on March 26, 2008!
Me: I know you’re busy, so thank you for taking the time.
CB: You gonna give my game a good score, right?
Me: Sure. Of course… so, have you ever heard of RVG Fanatic?
CB: Never in my life.
Me: Real quick, what was the Godzilla gig like?
CB: Fun as hell. The Japanese people love me, and who can blame them?
Me: Do you mind fielding a few general basketball questions before we get to the video game?
CB: Fire away.
Me: You’ve played against both Michael Jordan and Kobe Bryant. Many think Kobe is this generation’s Michael Jordan. How wide is the gap between the two?
CB: I think Kobe’s great, he fantastic, all of that. But people who think he as good as Michael was, they must never have seen Michael. Because if they did, they would say no such thing. But for 2008, Kobe is as close as you gonna get. And I like Kobe, he’s a tremendous talent, but Michael? Come on now!
Me: You’ve had such a wonderful career. Ever wake up in the middle of the night and get that itch?
CB: I used to, you know. But now it’s mainly an itch from a bug bite or something *chuckles* Yeah, those days are long gone. I’m happy where I’m at. Life is good for the Chuckster.
Me: I love your work on TNT with Ernie and Kenny. What is it like being on that show?
CB: It’s great, aside from the lousy pay and some jackass studio people who think they know it all. But man, lemme tell you something, I get to work only one day of the week, I have some good people looking out for me, and best of all, sitting next to two losers like Kenny and Ernie makes me look really good! *chuckles*
Me: Good ol’ Kenny. You gotta love that little Tar Heel bastard. What’s it like working with Kenny?
CB: Like a gawd damn root canal. Naw, working with Kenny is interesting. He always makes me laugh… whenever I look at that ugly ass mug of his *chuckles*
Me: I remember that time you guys played that little joke on Kenny about Justin Timberlake hitting a jumper in his face…
CB: Oh yeah he had that coming. They always trying to clown the Chuckster so any chance I get, I’ll get him. As long as I’m around, he’ll never live that down.
Me: What about Ernie? What’s it like working with him?
CB: Ernie who? Oh you mean that middle-aged white boy riding my coat tails? Oh OK, that Ernie. Naw, Ernie is just wonderful. People stop me on the street all the time to ask me if Ernie is black or white.
Me: And you tell them… ?
CB: That he white as hell. White as Wonder Bread *chuckles*
Me: He keeps you and Kenny in check, eh?
CB: That he does. Naw listen, he’s one of the best in the business. I’m really happy for his success. Couldn’t happen to a nicer guy.
Me: I know your time is precious, so let’s jump to the game now. What are your memories of it?
CB: I was never a big game player, even then, but I saw an opportunity to get involved with a basketball game that I wanted to have my style of play on it. Physical, fast, no rules.
Me: Were the 15 street ballers real? Your partner in the game was Dane. Was he legit?
CB: Most were real, others based off players I seen on the streets. Dane was real. He and I used to play ball growing up. There was nothing the kid couldn’t do. He could have made the NBA but he made some bad choices along the way. You see kids like him in the ‘hood all the time. All the talent in the world but then they get caught up in something that ruins them. Or they simply get caught at the wrong place and wrong time.
Me: That’s too bad. Any others you have a story about?
CB: Every ‘hood has a Chilly. He’s the guy you don’t mess around with. Hell, I think there should be more guys like Chilly in the suburbs. Kids these days too damn soft!
Me: My bro’s favorite player was Sweet Pea. What’s the lowdown on him?
CB: Sweet Pea was real. Ton of talent, big heart. The bigger the crowd the better he played. He used to steal kisses with the honeys on the sideline as he dribbled the ball up. I ain’t never seen that before. Hey, more power to him.
Me: My favorite was T-Bone. Was T-Bone real?
CB: I haven’t thought about T-Bone’s ass in years. So my main man Dane was great, but man, T-Bone was special. He was ahead of his time. He was like the T-Mac of the streets. 6’8″ and there was nothing he couldn’t do. The best player I ever saw who never made it to the NBA.
Me: To bring the interview to a close, I’m going to mention some names of the people who worked on the game with you. Feel free to say something if a name strikes your fancy.
CB: Shoot.
Me: Thanks Sir Charles, it was a real honor.
CB: You got it. Good luck with JVG Fanatic.
Me: RVGFanatic.
CB: Whatever *chuckles*
Note: This Q&A was conducted back in March 2008
April FOOLS!Sorry I couldn’t resist. But seriously, not to leave you feeling totally cheated, here’s a LEGIT design session held with the Chuckster from back in the day.
SHUT UP AND JAM! DESIGN SESSION
“So this is what you people do? What’s the world coming to?” Thus, amid much laughter, did Charles Barkley start his visit to Accolade. When the day was done, Barkley’s style and personality were part of the product and the design team was happy to have met such an individual who cuts through the “image is everything” athletic Public Relations bull. Refreshing.
The morning began with an overview of competing products. While Barkley is not a big video game player, he already knew what he wanted.
“I think it would be great to be different,” said Barkley. “You don’t want the same old boring thing.”
The basic premise put forward by the design team was a two-on-two game, and within a tournament, a number of games played around the country in different locations. The games would be played in the streets and it was this point that Barkley emphasized.
It was immediately clear that the NBA star felt very strongly that the roots of basketball are in the neighborhoods and playgrounds of America, not in the $200 courtside seats of the NBA. “Basketball is a playground game,” he told the game designers. “It’s where I got my start and it’s where the game of basketball originated.” He told them about players in his old neighborhood who had as much or more talent than guys playing in the NBA, but just didn’t have the breaks or the bucks to make it.
“The level of talent is just tremendous,” he said. “It’s more passionate on the street and people just play because they love the game. We used to play all day in the streets. It’s tremendous basketball, because you have to compete at such a high level. With 10 guys on the side you knew if you lost you wouldn’t get to play for a long time.”
“Basketball has gotten away from its roots,” Barkley explained. “I love the street game. LOVE IT. When you go to the neighborhoods there are legends — people just known by their nicknames.”
Teamwork was another item Barkley mentioned. “It’s important to work as a team. You have to have teammates to help each other. The street game is more passionate. This game will be based off of my personality. I play physical. I play hard. I play aggressive. I want the players to work together. I want the game to be fun.”
Each of these suggestions, along with basic Barkley moves such as the thunder dunk have been incorporated into this game. Interestingly, Barkley had no burning desire to beat other celebrity endorsed products. “I just want to put out a good game.”
HOOK IT UP
Shut Up and Jam! takes advantage of the SNES multitap, allowing for up to four players to partake. The computer is a real pushover, so the real fun lies in playing this game with three others (provided you can find three pals who would be willing to play this over NBA Jam…)
My brother and I, along with our friends from the neighborhood, used to play four player Shut Up and Jam! before competing in some real life 2-on-2 in my backyard. Ah, those were the days. We squeezed lots of fun out of the game, even if it wasn’t very good.
WILT WHO?
What an insane game! (I was Fly By)WILT WHO?! 106 points, baby!
TRASH TALK
The ads for Shut Up and Jam! matched the trash talking intensity of one, Sir Charles.
This photo ain’t blurry.
It’s just how you’re
gonna see me
after I knock
your sorry self
to the blacktop
and dunk
on your head
ten times.
WHAT THE CRITICS SAID
Yes, and we all know how those turn out…
Back in the ’90s, most games with the name of a professional athlete in its title usually sucked. It was like a cheap way of marketing a subpar game to the gullible masses of kids who looked up to these star athletes. Once in a while you got a gem like Ken Griffey Jr. Presents Major League Baseball. Or surprisingly decent efforts like Michael Jordan: Chaos in the Windy City.
But for the most part, games featuring a star athlete’s name in its title were pretty bad. Remember Bill Laimbeer’s Combat Basketball? Or how about…
Exactly…
Barkley Shut Up and Jam! was never reviewed by EGM, GameFan or Super Play. It doesn’t have a savory reputation, to say the least. It’s definitely closer to Shaq Fu than it is to Chaos in the Windy City, in terms of fan reception.
Well said, my friend
CLOSING THOUGHTS
Shut Up and Jam has more going against it than it does going for it. But that doesn’t mean it’s completely worthless. The gameplay felt a little funky at first and the roster isn’t the greatest, but Shut Up and Jam oddly grew on me after a while. Revisiting this game over a decade ago was an interesting experience. Believe it or not, I liked it quite a bit back in 1994. It was a fun alternative when my friends and I wanted a break from NBA Jam, even though we knew it had fundamental flaws. In spite of its numerous warts, I can still pop it in today for 10 minutes and have a decent time messing around with it.
Er, not even close
The graphics and sound are below average. The visuals look muddy, but in some respects I guess it reflects the gritty feel of street ball. The animation is extremely lacking and so players move a bit awkwardly. Despite some stiff animation, thank goodness the game plays fairly fast and tight. There are some digitized speech samples from Barkley, but you hardly notice it.
You shoot, slam, shove and swat. You can run over the opponent, or you can jump and knock their ass to the ground when they go for the big jam. It’s not meant to be taken seriously and when taken at face value, it can be oddly enjoyable. Trying out the different players and team combinations is part of the fun as well. Jump shots must be released at the peak of your jump or you can expect an airball, which happens more here than any other basketball game I’ve ever played. Annoying to say the least!
Although on the surface it may seem a lot like NBA Jam, it really does have its own feel, somewhat. Sans the one arena, I enjoy the blacktop gritty atmosphere the game generates. It’s just a bunch of dudes from the ‘hood balling to be the best. And even though Shut Up and Jam advocates the slam dunk, nothing beats weaving through the lane and then kicking it out to your wide open teammate for the sweet 18 foot jumper. That swish is music to my ears. Let the trash talking begin! And if you’re thinking of making any cheap excuses, just remember this one thing…
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