RVGFanatic Retrospective

RVGFEx13

It was on a cold and rainy Sunday night 12 years ago that RVGFanatic first opened its doors. As cliché as it may sound, I remember it like it was only yesterday. January 7, 2007. As I write this, it’s January 7, 2019. Wow. RVGFanatic is 12 years old. Come next January, it’ll officially be a teenager! That’s crazy, but I digress. I remember thinking two years ago what a huge milestone the 10 year anniversary was. Very few gaming fan sites last a few years, let alone a decade or more. For a myriad of reasons — whether the webmaster burns out, loses interest or both — this kind of longevity is rare. As you may well know, I can be very sentimental and nostalgic. With that in mind, there’s no better time than now to reflect back on the past 12 years and the history of RVGFanatic.

GOING BACK… WAY BACK

goosebshelf

I fell in love with Goosebumps on a fateful late afternoon in the fall of 1993. We had to write book reports. Once completed, your classmates could then read your thoughts on any given book. My classmates would often tell me how much they loved reading my reviews. The reviewing craze began…

THE INTERNET AGE

RVGRetro

I first used the internet in 1996. Remember AOL? [LOL -Ed.]. I grew up on horror films so one of the first things I did online was sign up to post on the forums over at horrormovies.com. It wasn’t long before I joined video gaming forums. I always had a blast sharing my thoughts with random strangers. It paved the way for what would eventually become RVGFanatic.

THE BIG VIDEO GAME COMEBACK

Not an uncommon sight on any given day back in 2006
Not an uncommon sight on any given day back in 2006

The late ’90s saw a departure from video games for me. But I came roaring back in early 2001. That began my run with the Sega Saturn — I amassed 350 Saturn games through the summer of 2005. Then in early 2006 I returned home to the Super Nintendo. Receiving packages of games left and right from various places all over the internet, I was a man on a mission to reclaim bits and pieces of my childhood. I had a burning desire to preserve the memories for myself, and hopefully one day my future children.

7YearIt4

I had plans to create an all-encompassing Saturn topic on various forums featuring pictures, reviews, related stories and memories. But I burned out on the Saturn in the summer of 2005 and the topic was never meant to be. So when I began my SNES resurgence in January of 2006, it was a chance at redemption! I regretted not tallying a record of my Saturn buys: dates of purchase, prices and any interesting stories. My SNES comeback gave me a chance to do things right second time around. I charted every SNES purchase and had plans to launch a topic in the near future detailing my SNES reviews, memories and stories.

You live and learn
You live and learn!

By the summer of 2006, roughly 6 months into my SNES renaissance, I had acquired 400 (!) SNES games. There was just SO much to play. The timing to launch my SNES topic didn’t feel right but still I wanted scratch that itch and create a series of SNES-related impressions in one fashion or another. Thinking back to how much fun I had writing about obscure Sega Saturn imports earlier in the decade, it hit me like an ACME 16-TON weight.

NGSteve

And so I launched a topic dedicated to reviewing obscure Super Famicom games that came out only in Japan. It was a win-win. The topic gave me a creative outlet and served as a stopgap, giving me time to play through my SNES library on my own terms rather than feeling rushed.

RVGFEx31

Furthermore, what I didn’t realize at the time was that the obscure Super Famicom project was the impetus to launching RVGFanatic. The insane amount of unique content I had ready to go was key in spurring me along. It’s always harder to start from scratch than it is to have a bunch of content already waiting in the wings.

TAMING THE BEAST

GodzKD

Launched on September 8, 2006, my obscure Super Famicom topic became a bigger hit than I anticipated. It stirred a ton of retro gaming discourse. Originally I’d planned for my topic to go no further than Halloween 2006. But I kept buying more obscure Japanese games and the thread became so popular I didn’t want the ride to end. Around October someone suggested I compile everything and put it on a site. I didn’t give it much thought at the time as I was content posting my reviews on various forums. But then came the fateful evening of December 16, 2006. Digit Press member Pete Whitley had these inspirational words for me.

PeteWhit

For some reason, those string of magical words resonated deeply with me. I didn’t know anything about designing a site. Posting on message board forums was easy and good enough for me. But Pete Whitley made a damn good point. I spent hours gathering hundreds of screenshots and reviewed so many obscure games that a website — something more permanent and prominent than a message board topic that was bound to fade to obscurity over time — made perfect sense. With that firmly in mind, I spent that holiday season of 2006 tinkering around until finally deciding Pete Whitley was right. But there was only one problem left: what the HELL do I name this sucker?!

NAMING THE BEAST

RVGJWBest

I was stumped on what to call my pending site so I asked around. My buddy JVGFanatic had 3 suggestions. The first was Retro Fire. It had a nice little punch but it didn’t quite gel for me. His second was Obscuretro. I initially thought it was a clever mashup of “obscure” and “retro.” But thankfully I slept on it and decided not to. The spelling was funky and although my site would be heavily built around obscure Super Famicom impressions, I knew the main bulk would eventually consist of SNES reviews. Super Metroid isn’t exactly obscure! His final suggestion was tongue-in-cheek but right away it clicked. JVGFanatic, AKA Japanese Video Game Fanatic, suggested RVGFANATIC (Retro Video Game Fanatic). Done!

LAUNCHING THE BEAST

GodzillaKDCT

Opening on January 7, 2007, the first day had a little note welcoming readers. The next day I posted my first review in the form of Godzilla: Kaijuu Daikessen. It was only fitting since that was the first game I highlighted in my obscure Super Famicom topic. After clicking on PUBLISH, my dad called to ask if I could drive him down to the auto repair shop to pick up his car. There was a light rain that Monday night as I recall the vigor of knowing that someone somewhere was viewing my content and among the first visitors to do so. I was floating on cloud 9 as I drove my dad on that wet drizzling freeway. It’s a moment in time that I remember fondly to this day, even 12 years later.

My first ever site banner!
My first ever site banner!
Second banner
Second banner

RELAUNCHING THE BEAST

RVGFEx32

RVGFEx2

Spread the word around. Guess who's back in town!
Spread the word around. Guess who’s back in town!

BEASTLY DIFFERENCES

The last lost review!
The last lost review! Blackthorne on October 15, 2015

My original site had text that would wrap around the pictures. I was always fond of that, but my OCD often kicked in and I kept editing reviews and articles until they aligned perfectly with the margins. That I do *NOT* miss! I’m a lot less OCD with WordPress :)

RVGFEx27

BYE BYE TEXTING

RVGRetro6

I did a lot of text-embedded shots on my old site. They were fun but it took a lot of extra work. Once I moved to WordPress I was able to use PNG images instead of JPG. It saves me a ton of time and while part of me misses the text-embedded shots, ain’t nobody got time for that!

RVGRetro6b

The quality difference between JPG and PNG images is stark.

JPG. Colors all washed out. Ew
JPG. Colors all washed out :(
Wow, it's not even close
PNG. Night and day difference!

RVG’S DIGEST
~THE BEST OF RVGFANATIC~

7YearIt13

Everything I’ve written since 2007 has meant something to me in some way, but certain ones have resonated more with me than others. With over 300 reviews and articles written over the past 12 years, narrowing it down to just 35 favorites wasn’t easy…

ADVENTURES OF HOURAI HIGH

EarthBRe130

Laced with some of my most memorable high school memories, this isn’t just a review of an obscure Japanese RPG but rather an inspired look back at our formative years. Sometimes you hit lightning in a bottle and Adventures of Hourai High is a classic example of everything coming together just right.

BRET “THE HITMAN” HART

BretHartHoF

One of my childhood heroes, I honored Bret Hart on his 60th birthday by recapping his unforgettable 2006 Hall of Fame speech. Join us for a magical evening where Bret will regale you with legendary tales from a bygone era. From epic stories involving Mr. Perfect, Owen Hart and Stone Cold Steve Austin, Bret’s speech is more than a celebration of wrestling — it’s a celebration of the indomitable human spirit.

CHRISTMAS MEMOIRS

fifight118

When you’re a kid, video games and Christmas just go hand in hand. I’ve had some great experiences through the years that I recollected here.

COLLECTION Q&A

BoF2col

I answer questions about my collection as well as share some old war stories from the early days of hunting and what buying SNES games back in 2006 was like.

CONTRA

contrashot15

The game that cemented me as a gaming fan for life, I can’t count the number of times my brother, uncle and I alternated turns to save the universe by blasting alien scum to Kingdom Come. Growing up in the late ’80s was a glorious time thanks to iconic hits like Contra.

CONTRA III: THE ALIEN WARS

7YearIt6

Few sequels ever live up to the hype, but this one does. Featuring a reimagined plot inspired by 1987’s Predator, Contra III proves that if it bleeds we can kill it.

CORRIDOR 7: THE ALIEN INVASION

NewCorr7

From the Alien Wars to the Alien Invasion we go. A Wolfenstein 3D clone, Corridor 7 was a guilty pleasure childhood game and likely would have found more success had Doom not come out months prior. I was lucky enough to score an interview with the game’s programmer, Les Bird, and ask him some burning questions I had been curious about for nearly 25 years.

EARTHBOUND

SPTop100-40

Whimsical and profound, EarthBound is one of the best experiences I ever had on the SNES. Expressing my thoughts in a way that would do even a modicum of justice to this coming-of-age adventure was a tall task. Fortunately, I felt I somehow captured the game’s essence and spirit. There’s a certain je ne sais quoi to it that makes it my favorite review of all time.

FOR WHOM THE BELCH TOLLS

Nelson64

Have you ever had a best friend that you just grew apart from? Find out what happens when Stu Cutler, Tim Taylor’s old best buddy from college 15 years ago, hits town for an impromptu reunion. Will the good times roll on, or will the past be the only remaining bond?

GOOSEBUMPS

Goose-B4

Goosebumps cemented my love for literature and things that go bump in the night. This article highlights my journey with R.L. Stine’s best selling series and all the fun spooky memories forged along the way.

GUNMAN’S PROOF

gunproo187

One of my favorite SNES games that doesn’t get enough love, this review was a massive labor of love and came out better than I could have hoped for. Gunman’s Proof is what you’d get if you merged EarthBound with the Wild West.

HALLOWEEN

IconicHall12

Halloween is an iconic franchise and easily my favorite horror movie (series) of all time. Join me for a nostalgic jaunt down memory lane where the Boogeyman could be lurking behind any corner…

HALLOWEEN MEMORIES

memhall111

This article highlights some of my fondest Halloween memories. From a nod to John Carpenter’s Halloween to a full breakdown of Doug’s Halloween Adventure to one of the greatest nights of my life… Halloween 1994.

HARLEY’S HUMONGOUS ADVENTURE

harlpick

As far as SNES action platformers go, this one is just alright. But as far as reviews I’ve written go, this is hands down one of the most memorable. That’s thanks in large part to Brian Greenstone, who programmed Harley’s Humongous Adventure and was kind enough to answer some questions.

HUNTING THE BOOGEYMAN
ADVENTURES WITH MY BEST FRIEND NELSON

MeNelly1

Nelson and I were best friends growing up and have known each other for 30 years. This article highlights our various adventures through the years, including that fateful weekend I spent at Nelly’s in the summer of 2016. Our hope was to catch up and hang out at Disneyland with Mickey Mouse. Instead, in a moment of pure serendipity, we unexpectedly found ourselves a boogeyman — THE BOOGEYMAN — as we ran around Haddonfield (AKA South Pasadena) chasing a ghost from our past.

JESSE’S GIRL

JessGirl116

Women. For thousands of years these perplexing and complex beings have mystified many. Since the dawn of time man has struggled to find the right partner in the game of life. This classic tale from the early days of Full House epitomizes man’s search for such; full of wonder, hope and heartbreak.

MEAN GENE OKERLUND

MeanGeneHOF51

For anyone who grew up with the WWF during the late ’80s to early ’90s, Mean Gene Okerlund was an iconic fixture and a comforting voice in our lives. Recently, Mean Gene sadly passed away at the age of 76. To honor and commemorate his life and legacy, I transcribed his 2006 Hall of Fame speech.

MY SNES COLLECTION

stevesnesco

Celebrating RVGFanatic’s big 10 year anniversary (January 2017), this article features an in-depth and comprehensive look at my Super Nintendo library. It’s full of stories, recommendations and so much more. This is my favorite piece ever written (so far) in the 12 year history of RVGFanatic.

MY SNES COMEBACK

SNESArt

January 17, 2006 was the day I bought a Super Nintendo and began my SNES resurrection. I had one in the ’90s so this was a homecoming for me. 12 years later, here I highlight those early days of 2006 and what it was like to get back into the fandom. Spoiler alert: it was fucking glorious :)

NIGHTCRAWLER

NightCraw94

X-Men: The Animated Series ruled the ’90s. Sure the animation was a little awful at times but it had serious heart. Perhaps nowhere was that more apparent than the surprisingly-deep-for-a-Saturday-morning-cartoon episode of Nightcrawler, where Wolverine encounters not only the titular mutant but his own faith as well.

OF MASTODONS AND MEN

OMAM64

My favorite TV show of all time, this Wonder Years episode is all about identity. Being self-aware in whatever stage of life you are is the key to growth, peace and happiness. Relationships can be a beautiful thing… provided that both parties are ready and compatible. Kevin Arnold and his newly minted girlfriend, Julie Aidem, finds out the hard way that sometimes… LOVE HURTS.

REMEMBERING 9/11 AND COACH BUTLER

butler42

In the face of tragedy, everyone grieves in their own unique way. Some people eat. Some focus on material possessions. Some cry and mourn. Others play basketball. This is a harrowing account of my experiences surrounding 9/11, the day after and one unforgettable teacher that left a lasting imprint.

SNES HALLOWEEN SPECIAL

KOD3

Halloween and Super Nintendo are two of my favorite things, so mashing them together only makes sense. The SNES is often perceived as a “kiddy” system with very few dark and mature titles. I attempt to bust that myth by highlighting 35 SNES games that, although some are more kid friendly than others, are all perfectly suitable to play during the month of October.

SNES PARTY GAMES

stevecoll154

Back in the old days there was nothing more thrilling than huddling around a TV playing video games with some of your best friends. The SNES is home to a plethora of party games. From the usual suspects to the more obscure, I hope this list inspires you to try out a new game or two the next time you have some buddies over.

SUPER MARIO KART

sumaka59

A true classic through and through, Super Mario Kart is one of the best 2 player games on the SNES. The added text in the screenshots turned out really well too, which is something I used to do during the earlier days of this site.

SUPER MARIO WORLD

HateWhen

Originally published on “Me-Mario Day” 2012, Super Mario World was an intensive labor of love. It took me painstaking hours to embed all the text into the game’s screenshots, but it was worth it. Because in the end you have a quirky and unique review of a masterpiece that has been reviewed a thousand times over. I always try to make my work stand out from the pack. After all, have you ever been coinblocked before? It’s the pits, really.

SUPER PLAY’S TOP 100 SNES GAMES

superplayset

Super Play Magazine was a British publication (1992-1996) dedicated solely to covering all things SNES. Essentially, it’s sort of like the “SNES Bible.” In issue #42 they listed their top 100 SNES games. I replicated that list so that everyone could read it. And apparently everyone did; this is one of the most popular links here.

THE LEGEND OF ZELDA: A LINK TO THE PAST

alinktothepast-rain

Originally published in May of 2007, The Legend of Zelda: A Link to the Past was one of my earliest and biggest reviews. Much like the timeless game itself, this review (I dare say) has stood the test of time. On cold nights if you listen quietly enough, they say it’s still raining something fierce in Hyrule…

THE MODE 7 YEAR ITCH

Combatribes-Swing

Last January I celebrated RVGFanatic’s 11th anniversary by reposting this from my first site. It details 7 reasons why I love the SNES now as much as I ever did at any point in history. How the hell did I avoid burning out these past 13 years? Besides being mental, this article perfectly explains why I still love the SNES so much even to this day.

THE SUMMER OF IMPORTS

FHNelly

The summer of 1994 was one for the ages. Particularly that one innocent weekend in June where my best friend Nelson and I discovered some amazing Super Famicom imports. The rest, as they say, is history.

THE TALE OF THE LONELY GHOST

TotLG48

Are You Afraid of the Dark? (I wasn’t until I watched this show, thanks Nickelodeon!) is one of my all-time favorite TV shows. This is a spooky tale about a prank gone horribly wrong and the sins that trap us. But what can set us free is L-O-V-E. The Tale of the Lonely Ghost is as much terrifying as it is touching.

TOP 50 OBSCURE SUPER FAMICOM GAMES

ImpGH

As September 2016 was rapidly approaching, it dawned on me that my topic about obscure Super Famicom games was about to turn 10 years old. To honor the occasion I decided to rank my top 50 favorite obscure Super Famicom games. I had a blast doing this and received a ton of positive feedback. This is the most viewed link on RVGFanatic!

WOLFCHILD

Wolfchild89

Similar to Harley’s Humongous Adventure, Wolfchild is a classic case of average SNES game but memorable review. This is thanks to Simon Phipps, Wolfchild mastermind, for participating in an exclusive interview I was lucky enough to conduct.

WWF MEMORIES

WWF78

It’s no secret that I’m a huge wrestling fan. Or as I like to joke with my girlfriend, I’m just a slight fan. I grew up watching the WWF and looked up to larger-than-life icons like Hulk Hogan and the Ultimate Warrior. Throughout my life, wrestling has always been there for me in one fashion or another. I’ve been a fan for over 30 years now, and although the product fluctuates in terms of quality, I’ll be a fan for life. This article delves into my epic WrestleMania 31 weekend, my top 10 favorite wrestlers and my favorite wrestling moments of all time.

YOUR FRIENDLY NEIGHBORHOOD NINTENDO MAN

NESFamily

The late ’80s was such a different and innocent time. I’ll never forget all those weekends my dad took me out to rent the latest video games. My go to spot was classic Evergreen Video. It was the quintessential mom and pop shop. Tom, the owner of Evergreen, was like an uncle to me and my brother. Tom lived the American Dream until one day he, along with Evergreen Video, mysteriously vanished. But I’ll always have the memories. Tom, I hope you’re doing well, wherever you are.

FEEDBACK OVER THE YEARS

RVGFEx10

Thank you Allistair for advocating for me! It means a lot and I am humbled. I’m not as well known as HG101 or Sega-16, but I think I did pretty well these past 12 years.

JANUARY 10, 2007

Love the site Steven! You’re gonna drive me to the poor house trying to find all these obscure games, lol.
~Pete Whitley

My man, Pete! Thanks for the inspiration to start this site. I might have never done it if it weren’t for your encouraging words back in December 2006.

RVGFEx7

Ah yes, the Sega Saturn Saga. Thanks for the support William!

JANUARY 24, 2007

Hey Steven, nice place you put up here. Once I get the OPCFG back up and running, I’m definitely linking to you. Nice work!
~Rob Strangman

Rob! Thanks for inspiring me with the OPCFG. That was one of the earliest gaming fansites I can remember and it left an impression on me for sure.

RVGFEx8

Why thank you, Lis. Glad I was able to open you up to some of the “forgotten” games of the vast SNES library, such as Brandish and Hook. As long as I keep writing, I’ll maintain the passion!

FEBRUARY 14, 2007

I just wanted to drop you a line and tell you that I think your work so far is amazing. Your reviews are refreshingly free of laziness, even if the game isn’t particularly deserving of such overwhelming effort. Further, real life blog-ish entries like Jessie’s Girl and the second half of Santa Haas are truly touching. It’s always one of the highlights of my day when I can come home from work and find a juicy update or two.

Keep it up and please try to not get bored.
~Mercatfat

Brother, it’s now been 12 years. Guess I didn’t get bored after all ;)

RVGFEx5

Thank you Rich for the heartfelt message. I’m glad you’re able to relate and that so much of RVGFanatic resonates with you. I think there’s a bunch of us who grew up during the late ’80s to mid ’90s who share similar childhood memories. Ah yes, my Memories of Renting article was one of the earliest articles I wrote (March 2007) and remains a popular one to this day. Good times indeed.

MAY 10, 2007

Hi. Not sure how I stumbled across this site but bloody hell I’m glad I did. Kinda reminds me of a time in gaming when magazines like Mean Machines and Super Play were big, and sarcasm and humor played a big part of gaming journalism, before the 32-bit boom when everything started to get all serious. Good times. Anyways, rad site dude. Got it bookmarked.

Cheers.
-Butane Bob

I’m bloody hell glad you did as well ;)

RVGFEx6

Wow Mike. Bro, you and I go way back. Your sincere and genuine praise means a lot because I know you’re one that’s hard-pressed to impress. I’m glad RVGFanatic resonates so deeply with you. As I’ve found out through the years, although these stories are mine, many others have had similar experiences that helped to shape who they are as well. Rock on, brother.

JULY 28, 2008

I don’t know if I told you how much I love RVGFANATIC, but I’ll say it again if I hadn’t before. Even though they are your stories and memories, they really do evoke the nostalgia of my own SNES experiences. Thanks and keep the site going!
~Garin

Thank you Garin. I feel like we all had that one best friend, that one crazy uncle, or that one classic mom and pop shop where we rented games each weekend. Writing about such memories helps to keep them alive for not only myself and my readers but future generations as well.

RVGFEx21

Nice, a shout out from London! Ah yes, the long lasting summer evenings of childhood. There’s something profoundly serene about those magical nights from long ago. I’m glad my work is able to capture some of that!

RVGFEx23

Appreciate the kind words, Will. I’ll try to update even more frequently in 2019!

RVGFEx24

Hearing that my work reminds people of the glory days of EGM brings a virtual tear to my eye. I loved EGM and those old gaming magazines. If my work encapsulates even just a TINY bit of that ’90s magic, then mission accomplished!

RVGFEx22

I’m flattered. Thank you. Your compliments read just like an Amazon review! :P

RVGFEx19

We made it, Rob! 10 years, now 12 and counting. Where does the time go? It’s nuts that RVG is older than the 2009 photo challenge going around!

RVGPra2

VKC, you’ve been my biggest advocate (especially on Reddit) and I appreciate your support. It’s one thing to amuse and entertain, but it’s another to lift someone up. I can’t believe my gaming stories and memories have the power to do that for you but I am so happy that they do. Keep on trucking, bro!

RVGDale

RVGDale2

Thanks Dale for the amazing support! I’m glad RVGFanatic resonates with you and I’m humbled that you ranked it 9th on your top gaming highlights of the year.

CLOSING THOUGHTS

PlayMario

12 years in the game and counting — it’s been an incredible ride! So what’s next? The obvious answer is more SNES reviews and articles! I’m hoping to add some Switch reviews in 2019. I also want to write some more reviews for the Genesis, Saturn and Dreamcast even. But as always, the vision remains the same: commemorate the SNES by sharing my reviews and remembrances. The ultimate goal is launching my own personal SNES top list. It’s been 13 years in the making and I see myself hopefully getting that done in the next couple years or so. I’m really excited because it’s been my longest term project to date and has been my biggest goal with RVGFanatic since day one. I can’t wait to eventually share it. I also want to write more SNES articles in 2019 and beyond as those are always fun to write and read back. Here’s to another 12 years of RVGFanatic, and here’s to an awesome 2019 :)

SNES Classic Edition

It's happening
It’s happening

Yesterday news broke that Nintendo would indeed be releasing their SNES Classic Edition starting on September 29, 2017. Last year they released their NES Classic Edition for $60 and it was a smash hit. Rumors began swirling immediately that the SNES Classic Edition wouldn’t be far behind and sure enough, it’s almost here. For the low price of $80 here’s what you get:

  • HDMI support
  • SNES (super) mini
  • Two classic SNES controllers
  • 21 classic SNES games preloaded into the system

SNESClassic

Let’s take a closer look at all 21 games, in alphabetical order.

1. CONTRA III: THE ALIEN WARS

stevecoll200

One of the most intense action-packed 2 player SNES games ever made. Contra III is classic run and gun mayhem. Best experienced with a friend in tow, there’s nothing like blasting alien scum to Kingdom Come as you navigate your way through some of the most memorable moments in 16-bit gaming.

2. DONKEY KONG COUNTRY

dkc-iceagealley

There were three DKC games released on the SNES, with many citing the second (Donkey Kong Country 2: Diddy’s Kong Quest) as their favorite. I actually prefer the first one. Call it nostalgia but it was fresh, mind blowing for its time and the difficulty was just right. A little on the easy side at times, but it cranked it up when it needed to. Mainly, I enjoyed using Donkey Kong in all his glory. Don’t forget those amazing tunes, either!

3. EARTHBOUND

stevecoll190

Take The Wonder Years, Peanuts, Doug, The Goonies, Dragon Quest and put them all in a blender. You’d probably get something like EarthBound. Whimsical, unique and different, EarthBound is charming and captivating as hell. But there also lies some sneaky mature themes throughout, such as the loss of innocence in a corrupt world. A classic RPG any SNES fan should play through before all is said and done.

4. FINAL FANTASY III

stevecoll33

Arguably the greatest 16-bit RPG ever made, Final Fantasy III is an epic adventure. It took me nearly 50 hours to beat back in 2008 when I experienced it for the first time, and I loved every second of it. Memorable characters, plot twists, haunting music… it has it all. It’s too bad the almost-just-as-good Final Fantasy II isn’t also included, though. But if you had to pick just one, they made the right choice here.

5. F-ZERO

fzero-sandocean

It may seem a little outdated today, especially to F-Zero virgins, but this blew our minds back in 1991. It still holds up well, although it is a bit bare bones. Still a good choice. The music is awesome. You could say that for most of these games, quite frankly.

6. KIRBY’S DREAM COURSE

stevecoll68b

Of all the games featured on the SNES Classic Edition, this is the most surprising. I don’t say that disparagingly! Kirby’s Dream Course combines the best of Kirby and golf. It’s a blast to play and addicting as hell. Glad this made the cut. It doesn’t get the props it deserves. Now a larger audience will get to experience this for the first time. As well as SNES fans from the ’90s who somehow missed out on this back in the day. A definite dark horse candidate for “Game I Didn’t Expect To Sink So Many Hours On.”

7. KIRBY SUPER STAR

stevecoll68c

Rather than one grand adventure, Kirby Super Star is a compendium of nine standalone games. It’s vintage Kirby, and it’s loads of fun.

8. THE LEGEND OF ZELDA: A LINK TO THE PAST

alinktothepast-rain

A no-brainer. One of the best SNES games ever, nay, one of the best video games of all time. A masterpiece in every sense, this adventure will forever remain timeless and quintessential. Who could ever forget the first time they saw that rain come whipping down?

9. MEGA MAN X

stevecoll213

The best Mega Man game on the SNES. Never before could the Blue Bomber move around like he does here. The ability to scale walls, ride armored machines and even throw a Hadoken made Mega Man X one unforgettable journey.

10. SECRET OF MANA

stevecoll120

The first ever 3-player action RPG, Secret of Mana was a marvel for its time. It’s a great game but one that I do feel is slightly overrated. Still, the ability to play it with two friends made it something special. It’ll be interesting to see if Nintendo releases a multitap for the SNES Classic Edition. 2-player Secret of Mana is still awesome but it’d be a shame not to be able to experience it as a 3-player affair. On a side note, I much prefer the Super Famicom-only sequel, Secret of Mana 2 AKA Seiken Densetsu 3.

11. STAR FOX

stevecoll132b

Star Fox was pretty amazing back in 1993. It’s a little rough around the edges today in 2017, but hopefully people will be able to overlook the dated visuals which were considered fairly groundbreaking for its time.

12. STAR FOX 2

StarFox2Classic

The biggest news of this SNES Classic Edition is the inclusion of never before officially released Star Fox 2. This game was programmed back in the mid ’90s but never saw the light of day as the N64 was looming over the horizon. Of course the repro of this game has been available for many years now, but it’ll be nice to have an official release (especially HDMI-supported).

13. STREET FIGHTER II TURBO

stevecoll152

Some people argue Super Street Fighter II is better, but I’ll take Street Fighter II Turbo. Street Fighter II created a revolution, but it was Turbo that refined it. For my money this is hands down the best fighting game on the SNES. So many sore thumbs and even more sore egos courtesy of this game back in 1993. Good times.

14. SUPER CASTLEVANIA IV

stevecoll155

It’s a little slow and the visuals are a bit outdated by today’s standards, but this was the definitive Castlevania game for many folks prior to Symphony of the Night. Being able to swing Simon’s whip in all directions made controlling him a breeze and loads of fun. There’s a beautiful simplicity to this game. Besides, who doesn’t enjoy taking down Count Dracula?

15. SUPER GHOULS ‘N GHOSTS

GNG4

Probably the hardest game of this list, Super Ghouls ‘n Ghosts suffers from some slowdown but still provides one hell, pardon the pun, of a romp through some ghastly levels. I’m glad this game made the list. It’s a classic but often slightly overlooked in lieu of some bigger names such as Super Metroid and Contra III. Well deserved, Sir Arthur. Well deserved. You’ll terrorize a whole new generation of gamers. Congrats, good sir.

16. SUPER MARIO KART

stevecoll158

The Mario Kart franchise is one of the most beloved of all time. It’s so good that it attracts even the most casual of gamers. There’s something very likable about the characters from the Mario universe, the various weapons and imaginative course designs that constantly bring people back for more and more. This is where it all started — it’s the granddaddy of all Mario Kart games. Still playable after all these years!

17. SUPER MARIO RPG: LEGEND OF THE SEVEN STARS

stevecoll159

Mario in an RPG? Nuts. Bowser as a playable good guy? Even more nuts. Yet it all works, to no one’s surprise. Super Mario RPG brings timing to the RPG party as well as some wacky, lovable characters. A good time for sure.

18. SUPER MARIO WORLD

supermarioworld-iggyscastle

Released on the Super Famicom’s Launch Day of November 21, 1990, Super Mario World is still as playable today as it was nearly 30 years ago. Shigeru Miyamoto knows how to make a damn good video game, and his fingerprints are all over this one. Great visuals, amazing music and smooth gameplay. Can’t ask for much more.

19. SUPER METROID

supermetroid-crateria2

If there were a Super Nintendo Mount Rushmore, anyone who doesn’t include Super Metroid automatically has their list disqualified. You just can’t talk about the very best SNES games without mentioning this 24 MEG GEM. Adventure, atmosphere, gun slinging, exploration, Super Metroid has it all. And that is all.

20. SUPER PUNCH-OUT!!

SupPOCrit3

Mike Tyson’s Punch-Out!! was one of the best NES games ever made. Its sequel, Super Punch-Out!!, is also an excellent arcade-like take on the sport of boxing. It’s all about patterns, timing, memorization and execution. While the new boxers here may lack the personality of the NES game, it’s still one of my favorites and I’m happy to see it made the list.

21. YOSHI’S ISLAND

stevecoll160

Aside from baby Mario’s incredibly annoying crying whenever he’s dismounted, Yoshi’s Island is a daring and brilliant deviation from the standard Mario game formula. It’s not everyone’s cup of tea but I find it equally as splendid as Super Mario World — just in slightly different ways.

TOP NINE SNUBS

The NES Classic Edition had 30 games, but the SNES Classic Edition only carries 21. However, the 21 games here are obviously much lengthier than the ones found on the NES edition. While the 21 games represented are great choices, there are a few glaring omissions. Whether due to licensing or whatever, here are nine great SNES games (in alphabetical order) that are conspicuous by their absence.

Oh, and before we begin, I will refrain from including the following two titles due to the simple fact that it doesn’t look like we’ll be getting any sort of multitap with the SNES Classic Edition. While both these games are still great as 2-player games, the real magic comes with a room of 4.

NBA Jam T.E.
NBA Jam T.E.
Super Bomberman
Super Bomberman

1. ACTRAISER

stevecoll

An early first generation title and a classic one at that. ActRaiser switches seamlessly between side-scrolling levels of good old hack and slash platforming and a simulation mode where you must help build the land and protect the people. It’s a little simplistic but it didn’t need to be complex.

2. CHRONO TRIGGER

stevecoll16

Perhaps the most glaring omission of all, some believe Chrono Trigger to be the best SNES game ever created. Quite a loss, then, not to have one of the very best titles ever made in 16-bit history. Although I do understand at least a little bit since Nintendo already packed in three RPGs. Still, it’s tough losing out on this one.

3. DONKEY KONG COUNTRY 2: DIDDY’S KONG QUEST

dkc2-gustyglade

Although I prefer the original Donkey Kong Country, I’ll concede that this does play slightly better. If you had Yoshi’s Island to go along with Super Mario World, you probably should have added this as well. Alas, poor Diddy and newcomer Dixie Kong are left hanging… [HAR HAR -Ed.]

4. THE LEGEND OF THE MYSTICAL NINJA

stevecoll71

Another classic 2-player SNES game from the system’s early days. Perhaps this was a little too offbeat for Nintendo to include for the mainstream, however. If that is the case, that’s a shame because the gameplay shines through and speaks for itself. Note: This game is included in the Super Famicom Classic Edition as Ganbare Goemon.

5. POCKY & ROCKY

stevecoll104

Hard as nails, but also super fun with a friend right alongside ya! It’s too bad this got snuffed… it would have exposed Pocky & Rocky to a brand new generation of gamers.

6. SUNSET RIDERS

stevecoll153

Vintage glorious 2-player gun slinging action. ‘Nuff said.

7. TEENAGE MUTANT NINJA TURTLES IV: TURTLES IN TIME

stevecoll164b

Next to Chrono Trigger, this is the biggest glaring omission. Not to mention it would have been the only beat ‘em up on the SNES Classic Edition. That makes its absence all the more egregious. No beat ‘em ups represented?! That’s a crime! But I totally understand it might have been a licensing issue and Nintendo simply not wanting to pay the extra cost for the Ninja Turtles brand. Whatever the case may be, it’s a shame. This defined many of our 16-bit childhoods and is arguably the finest beat ‘em up on the SNES.

8. TETRIS ATTACK

stevecoll162

No puzzle games are represented either, and Tetris Attack is the best as far as I’m concerned. This inclusion would have provided endless hours of cutthroat competitive play, and it saddens me that it didn’t make the cut. Well, at least for the American release. The Super Famicom Classic Edition does include this game but under its Japanese title of Panel de Pon.

9. ZOMBIES ATE MY NEIGHBORS

stevecoll178

Come on, Nintendo. This is another classic childhood game for many of us who grew up in the early ’90s. Every kid played this game to death that holiday season of 1993. Sure, it may be a little overrated but it’s freaking ZOMBIES ATE MY NEIGHBORS! Nintendo, you could have even tweaked it to make it better. Think about an easier difficulty setting, a strafe button, etc. A missed opportunity any way you slice it.

10. KEN GRIFFEY JR. PRESENTS MAJOR LEAGUE BASEBALL

stevecoll62

This is my honorable mention. I love this game and it was also published by Nintendo. I see why it wasn’t included, though. Fake player names, outdated rosters and so forth. But damn is this game fun. Many people, even non baseball fans, still play it to this very day. It would also have been the only sports title featured in the package.

SUPER FAMICOM CLASSIC EDITION

I THINK I AM TURNING JAPANESE...
“I THINK I AM TURNING JAPANESE…”

In Japan, the system will include Panel de Pon (Tetris Attack)Fire Emblem: Mystery of the EmblemGanbare Goemon: The Legend of the Mystical NinjaSuper Soccer, and Super Street Fighter II. These titles replace EarthBoundKirby’s Dream CourseStreet Fighter II Turbo, Super Castlevania IV, and Super Punch-Out!! from the US model.

Super Punch-Out!! was never released in Japan. Strange but true. I guess they’re keeping true to form 20+ years later…

CLOSING THOUGHTS

Welcome back, dear old friend
Welcome back, dear old friend

For $80 this is an insane bargain. Having 21 classic SNES titles, with HDMI support, in one tiny system is greatly appealing particularly to those who don’t already own these classics. You’re talking less than $4 a game, and that’s not including the system. Sadly, the NES Classic Edition suffered from lack of production and over demand, causing scalpers to swoop in and take advantage. Preorders for the SNES Classic Edition are going fast and resellers are everywhere posed to capitalize. $300 markups would be a safe bet. Of course, when you consider some of these games sell TODAY for close to $300 individually, $300 might still seem like a good deal for 21 games. And it is, at less than $15 a game. But it would be a shame to pay $300 for something that is retailing for just $80. As always, it’s a call only the individual can make. I already own all these games so I’d pass if the asking price is $300, but at $80 I would probably bite. But what are the odds I’ll be able to find one for $80? Probably not high.

stevecoll141

But on a more happy note, I’m just ecstatic that my favorite console, the Super Nintendo, is back in the mainstream spotlight. I expect a ton of nostalgia to overcome young adults in their 30s who see this package and go “Oh wow, I haven’t played these games in 20, 25 years!” It just makes me happy knowing the SNES will once again bask in the glow of the spotlight. Nintendo plans to stop production of these Classic Editions at the end of 2017, so the spotlight will be short-lived, but it’s nice knowing come September a lot of casual people will be buying a Super Nintendo in 20-freaking-17. And who knows, it may lead to something bigger. At the very least, exposure never hurts and it thrills me that younger generations of gamers will have a chance to play and appreciate these classics. That’s a definite win in my book!

stevecoll216

EXTRA EXTRA! READ ALL ABOUT IT!

Speaking of SNES comebacks...
Speaking of SNES comebacks…

By the way, it recently came to my attention that BS Shockman is getting an official Super Famicom release June of 2017! Wow! The SNES scene is booming right now in a way we haven’t seen in a long time. BS Shockman is also known as BS Kaizou Choujin Shubibinman Zero. Check out my review for more info.

Fun 2-player game worth checking out
Fun 2-player game worth checking out

Rock on, SNES. Rock the f*ck on.

Gunman’s Proof (SNES)

Gunman's Proof packs a mighty punch
Pub: ASCII | Dev: Lenar | January 1997 | 24 MEGS

By 1997 the SNES was a long afterthought. The 32-bit era had taken over and most gamers had already jumped ship. Yet this didn’t stop Lenar, a company not known for its epic titles, from crafting one last great Super Nintendo game. Gunman’s Proof is a fast-paced, quirky action RPG that’s loaded with charm, humor, AND personality. So strap on your cowboy boots and throw on your 10 gallon hat — we’re off to the Wild West! As a PSYcho once sang… OPPA GUNMAN STYLE!

Gunman's Proof is a blend of this
Gunman’s Proof is a blend of this
And this!
And this!
Best Western SNES game. Sorry, Sunset Riders and Wild Guns
And for good measure throw in the old west, too!

THE STORY GOES…

gunproo2

gunproo3

gunproo4

gunproo5

Strange World but also very fun
Strange World but also very fun

gunproo7

gunproo8

gunproo9

gunproo10

gunproo11

gunproo12

gunproo13

gunproo14

gunproo15

gunproo16

gunproo17

gunproo18

gunproo19

gunproo20

gunproo21

gunproo22

gunproo23

gunproo24

gunproo25

gunproo26

gunproo27

gunproo28

gunproo29

gunproo31

gunproo32

gunproo33

gunproo34

gunproo35

gunproo36

gunproo37

gunproo38

gunproo39

gunproo40

gunproo41

gunproo42

gunproo43

gunproo44

gunproo45

But more on this later...
But more on this later…

gunproo47

The peculiar Colobutch character will talk your ear off all night...
The peculiar Colobutch will talk your ear off all night…

gunproo49

gunproo50
“A ghost IS blocking my path… how ‘cha know?”

gunproo51

Maybe I could turn these lyrics into a top 40 song...
Maybe I could turn these lyrics into a top 40 song…
DAMN RIGHT I DO
DAMN RIGHT I DO

gunproo54

gunproo55

Like a drifter I was born to walk alone. An' I've made up my mind
Like a drifter I was born to walk alone

gunproo57

gunproo58

gunproo59

gunproo60

gunproo61

gunproo62

gunproo63

gunproo64

gunproo65

[I C WAT U DID DERE. I'm bustin' a rib laughing over here... -Ed.]
[I C WAT U DID DERE. I’m bustin’ a rib over here… -Ed.]
gunproo67

Eat your heart out, Thomas Wolfe. HA, you CAN go home again!
Eat it, Thomas Wolfe. You CAN go home again
OK... perhaps Mr. Wolfe had a point after all... who am I to judge
Perhaps Mr. Wolfe had a point after all…

gunproo70

gunproo71

gunproo72

gunproo73

gunproo74

gunproo75

gunproo76

gunproo77

gunproo78

gunproo79

gunproo80

"AHHHHHHHHH!"
“AHHHHHHHHH!”
So very embarrassing
So very embarrassing

gunproo83

gunproo84

gunproo85

gunproo86

gunproo87

gunproo88

Was it a homage from Lenar? I like to think so
Was it a homage from Lenar? I like to think so

gunproo90

Sorry Garo. I haven't uhh, fully mastered the boy yet
“Sorry. I haven’t uhh, fully mastered the boy yet…”

gunproo92

gunproo93

gunproo94

gunproo95

gunproo96

gunproo97

gunproo98

gunproo99

gunproo100

gunproo101

gunproo102

gunproo104

gunproo105

gunproo106

gunproo107

gunproo108

gunproo109

gunproo110

gunproo111

gunproo112

gunproo113

gunproo114

gunproo115

gunproo116

gunproo117

gunproo118

gunproo119

gunproo120

gunproo121

gunproo122

gunproo123

gunproo124

gunproo125

gunproo126

gunproo127

Robaton was Donkey long before Donkey was Donkey
Robaton was Donkey long before Donkey was Donkey

gunproo129

gunproo130

gunproo131

gunproo132

gunproo133

gunproo134

gunproo135

gunproo136

gunproo137

gunproo138

gunproo139

gunproo140

"Sumthin queer about him... like he's possessed..."
“Sumthin’ queer about him… like he’s possessed…”
Love especially the bazooka and burner gun
Love especially the bazooka and burner gun

gunproo143

gunproo144

gunproo145

gunproo146

gunproo147

gunproo148

Robaton's music is catchy as all hell
Robaton’s music is catchy as all hell

gunproo150

gunproo151

gunproo152

gunproo153

gunproo154

gunproo155

Love the Dragon Punch. Link never had anything like this!
<3 the Dragon Punch. Link never had anything like this!
New skills learned opens up previously inaccessible areas
New skills learned opens up previously closed areas
A little Castlevania fare here
A little Castlevania fare here
All of the dungeons have a simple but enticing look to 'em
All of the dungeons have a simple but enticing look
It's not as puzzle oriented as Link to the Past, though
It’s not as puzzle oriented as Link to the Past, though
I love the decal preview showcasing the big bad bosses
I love the decal preview showcasing the big bad bosses
The dungeons never overwhelm
The dungeons never get too overwhelming
There's a smoothness to it that makes it really fun
There’s a smoothness to it that makes it very fun
Resident Evil deja vu, anyone?
Resident Evil deja vu, anyone?
A haunted house complete with windows blowing open
The windows blow open here. Love the little details
Bazooka cannon is BADASS
Bazooka cannon is BADASS
Brings back memories of Short Round and Indy
Brings back memories of Short Round and Indy
Tenkai, Gantetsu's brother, helps you learn new skills
Tenkai, Gantetsu’s brother, helps you learn new skills
The Burner Gun says you better get the hell outta the way
My burner gun says you best get the hell out the way
Hmm, why does this seem so familiar? *rubs chin*
Hmm, why does this seem so familiar? *rubs chin*
Ah yes, the Pond of Happiness
Ah yes, the Pond of Happiness
Hook, line and sinker
Hook, line and sinker
"I am. Traded in my bat for a gun and my cap for a 10 gallon hat"
“Traded in my bat for a gun. My cap for a 10 gallon hat”
Gunman's Proof never takes itself TOO seriously
Gunman’s Proof never takes itself TOO seriously
WHO YA GONNA CALL?
WHO YA GONNA CALL?
Sadly it can be beaten in around four hours
Sadly it can be beaten in around four hours
To save, use the bed in his house back in Bronco Village
To save, use his bed back in Bronco Village

gunproo180

gunproo181

God bless English fan translations
God bless English fan translations
Why Peggy, I think you nailed it. Super indeed
Why Peggy, I think you nailed it. Super indeed

CLOSING THOUGHTS

Loaded with humor, charm and firearms, this game rocks
This game is loaded with humor, charm and firearms

1880. A pair of streaking meteors befalls Strange Island. This unleashed a horde of terrible monsters. In hot pursuit of these vile Demiseed creatures were a couple of space sheriffs. Meanwhile, a young boy, often castigated by his very own father, yearns for something bigger. Hungry for adventure, fate steps in when this young boy and two cosmic space sheriffs cross paths. This is where our peculiar story begins. Along the way you’ll earn the respect of your old man, gain powerful skills from an eclectic group of island ragtags, and blast the holy hell out of various baddies while exploring a haunted house, dungeons, mines and more. It’s over way too soon but it’s one memorable and fun-filled ride while it lasts. It’s one of the best “hidden gems” on the Super Nintendo and it makes me wanna shout, OPPA GUNMAN STYLE!

An amazing game that still flies under the radar
An amazing game that still flies under the radar

From its likable characters to its odd sense of humor, Gunman’s Proof delivers a hellacious trek through the old Wild West. The visuals are bright and vibrant, with decaying dungeons and a unique art style. The music is quite catchy, especially that giddy Robaton theme, but the bulk of the game is blasting hordes of minions to kingdom come utilizing everything from a shotgun to a bazooka cannon. It is one of those games that’s perfect to play after a long day at work. Forget about swords and axes because you don’t bring a knife to a gunfight. I do wish however the game were a bit longer but there’s something to be said about its simplicity and the fact that you can beat it in one (four hour) sitting. Gunman’s Proof is one of the best SNES games you’ve probably yet to play… and I highly suggest you go rectify this. Strafing and incinerating bad guys never felt so good. If you’re looking for a quirky and fun action RPG, then be sure to check out Gunman’s Proof. Like the last cowboy riding out of town at dusk, it just might be the last great Super Nintendo game ever made.

'NUFF SAID!

Graphics: 8.5
Sound: 8.5
Gameplay: 9
Longevity: 8

Overall: 9.0

Gold Award
Gold Award

 

The Adventures of Hourai High (SNES)

Pub: J-Wing | Dev: Dynamite | April '96 | 8 MEGS
Pub: J-Wing | Dev: Dynamite | April ’96 | 8 MEGS

I fell in love with EarthBound after playing it for the first time back in November 2012. It was one of the best RPGs that I ever played. Wanting more, I searched online for similar titles. To my pleasant surprise, I discovered there was one on the SNES called The Adventures of Hourai High. It’s an obscure Japanese only RPG that can best be described as a mix of EarthBound and Final Fantasy V. Say no more. Take my money! Thankfully, the game’s dialogue has long since been fan translated from Japanese to English. Thanks to the effort of these good men, Westerners can now enjoy a visit to the wacky and nutty Hourai High School…

20 YEAR REUNION

Earthbound fans will appreciate Hourai High's humor
EarthBound fans will appreciate Hourai High‘s humor

Just yesterday the Nintendo 64 and Mario 64 celebrated 20 years since both were first released in Japan. Dude, that just blows my mind. Where does the time go? Speaking of 20th Anniversaries, a couple months ago The Adventures of Hourai High turned 20 years old itself. I guess them crazy cats had their 20 year class reunion somewhere in Japan. Thinking about that makes me reminisce about my high school years. I just crossed the 15 year mark myself. Damn I’m getting old…

Its Final Fantasy V job system lets you join various clubs
Its Final Fantasy V job system lets you join many clubs

MEMORIES OF SENIOR YEAR

Ah, high school -- the formative years of our youth
Ah, high school — the formative years of our youth

Who doesn’t remember high school? From getting your driver’s license, your first job, or perhaps even your first girlfriend [or boyfriend -Ed.], those were the days of our youth. We formed friendships and learned life lessons. We also learned a little bit more about who we were going to be. Senior Prom, Grad Night, crappy group projects, the Senior Prank, cliques, clubs, crushes, awful school lunches, crappy teachers, cool teachers, and a whole lot of posturing to be cool and hip, especially with the “in-crowd.” High school now feels like ancient history to me, and while I feel college was a lot more important, it’s impossible to deny that high school has its place too. I was sort of a regular kid in high school. I wasn’t part of the “cool kids” group, but I wasn’t one of the dweebs that got bullied, either. I was good old Steve, the nice guy the girls liked (as their friend only, of course) and I hung out with other regular Joes who were right in the middle of the pecking order, so to speak. We had a good time, forged some good memories but when all was said and done, we sailed out into the sunset, never looking back sans the odd nostalgic moment here and there.

I'll never forget Judy -- my biggest high school crush
I’ll never forget Judy — my biggest high school crush

In terms of pecking order, I hit my peak during senior year. I started branching out from my friends, taking classes that interested me (such as creative writing and acting) which helped to develop my confidence. I also landed my first job at the local Blockbuster, and my employee perk of being able to get 5 free movies a week suddenly made little ole me a man in demand. Many nights I would see a lot of my cute senior classmates stroll in and I would take advantage of the opportunity by chatting with them as I rung them up. My biggest crush was easily Judy. She was the prom queen of our school. The girl was smoking hot. I always felt like we shared a great rapport. Somehow Lady Luck had it that we sat next to each other in a couple classes. I’d call Judy many nights to exchange class notes before talking about random topics for a little bit. This was back in the day when cell phones had yet to explode in popularity, so I had Judy’s house number. I wanted her email so I could directly connect with her — sometimes it felt a little awkward to have to talk to her mom or dad first. Unfortunately she was dating a jock at the time and so I was left daydreaming.

Steph was cool but jeez, I was quite the homework helper
Steph was cool. Hope she’s well wherever she is

Yearbooks were passed out the week of our Graduation. I remember that last week of my senior year fondly. Passing yearbooks around, signing them for your buddies and everyone feeling excited about the future. Many felt as though we had the world at the tip of our fingers. That youthful optimism that only comes when you’re 17 almost ready to graduate and head off to college. I had never told Judy how much I enjoyed our friendship. I decided to tell her in my yearbook signing. We exchanged yearbooks at lunch and I went to work. I hoped she’d somehow include her email in my yearbook. Finally, we exchanged again and I walked home anxious to read what she had wrote. I’ll never forget the feeling of butterflies soaring in the pit of my stomach when I cracked my yearbook open to read what Judy had written. Was she going to pour out her soul to me as well?

*fist pump*
*fist pump*

I never felt so high and light in my life before. My biggest high school crush read my mind. She not only gave me her email address but asked me to hang out with her as well. Life was good. Thanks for the memories, Judy.

TIMEWALK TRIBUTE

I was lucky to buy these two just months before Timewalk folded
Their work was high quality indeed

Timewalk was a famous little fan company within the retro gaming community. They once sold beautiful repro games and some of them even had gorgeous boxes and manuals. Before they closed shop in early 2014 I was fortunate enough to buy the boxes and manuals of Gunman’s Proof and The Adventures of Hourai High. Man I’m glad I did. I always meant to buy more of their SNES box/manual sets but sadly never got around to it before they unexpectedly closed. Timewalk boxes nowadays go for a pretty penny as they’re now officially a limited quantity.

This "diary" manual was a bit... creepy
This diary manual was a bit… creepy

Timewalk’s products are amazing but the manual to Adventures of Hourai High deserves a special shout-out. Designed by member JM, this 44-page booklet was written in composition notebook form. It’s written from the perspective of the female protagonist. Recall that you can play as either a male or female. It makes sense that they chose to write the manual from a female perspective since high school girls are more prone to journaling. There are no how-to instructions in this diary. Instead, it’s a full-blown account of her times at Hourai High from the moment she arrives, April 1st, to nearly a year later on March 25th. The entries are written from a 16 year old female’s point of view — all of the dairy entries are downright emo. It totally fits and I commend JM for the incredible effort. Even more impressive, JM used actual facts from the game that players will quickly pick up on. It sort of adds another layer to the whole experience.

That drawing reminds me of something...
That drawing reminds me of something…

Hourai11

As does this...
As does this…

Hourai13

There's even a touch of the occult at Hourai High. Heebie-jeebies!
There’s even a touch of the occult at Hourai High
Kinda gives one the heebie-jeebies!
Kinda gives one the heebie-jeebies!

THE WACKY STORY GOES…

Hourai16

Hourai17

Hourai18

Hourai19

Hourai20

Hourai21

Hourai22

Hourai23

Hourai24

Hourai25

Hourai26

Hourai27

Hourai28

Hourai29

Hourai30

Hourai31

Hourai32

Hourai33

Hourai34

Hourai35

Hourai36

Hourai37

Hourai38

Hourai39

Hourai40

Richard Vernon from the 1985 classic The Breakfast Club
Richard Vernon from The Breakfast Club (1985)

Hourai42

Hourai43

Best subtitle ever
Best subtitle ever
Choose between using a guy or girl
Choose between using a guy or girl
Here's a tip noob: Roku is the type to hold grudges
Here’s a tip: Roku is the type to hold grudges
[Hmm, I notice you do a lot of "research" -Ed.]
[Hmm, I notice you do a lot of “research” -Ed.]
The modern setting helps differentiate it from fantasy RPGs
The modern setting helps set it apart from most RPGs
What did I say about Roku eh?

Hourai51

Hourai52

He should be more upset about that stupid haircut!
He should be more upset about that stupid haircut!
It even apes EarthBound's font. A lovely touch indeed
It even apes EarthBound‘s font. A lovely touch indeed
Meet Daichi, your fellow comrade. At times a little TOO loyal
Meet your super loyal comrade, Daichi
High school urban legends? Check
High school urban legends? Check

Hourai57

Hourai58

Hourai59

And I shall call it... hmm, ah yes, WEIRD SCIENCE...
And I shall call it… hmm, ah yes, WEIRD SCIENCE

Hourai61

Hourai62

Hourai63

Hourai64

Hourai65

Hourai66

Hourai67

Hourai68

Dude, we just escaped an infested sewer!
Dude, we just barely escaped an infested sewer!
UM NO, nope... I h-haven't s-seen a-any gh-ghosts around here...
“Uh, I haven’t s-seen any gh-ghosts around here…”

[Lemme guess. Research again, right? -Ed.]
[Lemme guess. Research again, right? -Ed.]
Hourai72

Hourai73

Hourai74

Hourai75

You an carry guns and knives at Hourai High
You can carry guns and knives at Hourai High
I" said CRIPES. Jeez, just coz I'm black!"
“I said CRIPES. Jeez, just coz I’m black…”
Do NOT want to backtrack here. TRUST ME
Do NOT want to backtrack here. TRUST ME
Sure, why not. Robots at Hourai High too
Sure, why not. Robots at Hourai High too

Hourai80

Shin means new right? Good, coz you need a new haircut
Shin means new — good coz ya need a new haircut
The only SNES RPG to feature an African American
The only SNES RPG to feature an African American
[Chihaya, you're not the first lady to say that... -Ed.]
[You’re not the first lady to say that… -Ed.]
So girls can go to boys' dorm but not vice versa? Oh it's Hinako
Hinako is that girl you love to hate

Hourai85

Hourai86

OK, NOW I have officially seen it all
OK, NOW I have officially seen it all

Hourai88

"We're tryin' to attract 'em, not scare 'em away!"
“We’re tryin’ to attract ‘em, not scare ‘em away!”

Hourai90

Poor Hinako. She's such a good sport...
Poor Hinako. She’s such a good sport…
“Way to put me on the spot. Well, let’s see…”
Good call, Steve. Good call
Good call, Steve. Good call

What other SNES RPG celebrates your birthday eh?
What other SNES RPG celebrates your birthday eh?
Get a little BDAY boost!
Get a little BDAY boost!
"Stop coming into my room. It was only ONE night Hinako!"
“Quit barging in. It was only ONE night OK!”
Wait, is that same bitch who threw you out?
Wait, is that same bitch who threw you out?

Hourai99

Hourai100

Yeah, sometimes Daichi is TOO loyal...
Yeah, sometimes Daichi is TOO loyal…
Great idea! Let's split up. It always works in scary movies
Let’s split up. It always works in scary movies
[I need that tree -Ed.]
[I need that tree -Ed.]
Miss Adachi, your homeroom teacher, is quite the looker
Ms. Adachi, the homeroom teacher, is quite a looker
"Do you have a bridge I can buy too?"
“Do you have a bridge I can buy too?”
Whoa, some creepazoid be watching you sleep...
Whoa, some creepazoid watchin’ you sleep…
Well that escalated quickly
Well that escalated quickly

Hourai108

Save this unkempt savage and he'll join your team
Save this little savage and he’ll join the team
If you thought Mitsurin was odd, check out this guy!
Thought Mitsurin was odd? Check out this guy
He has a name and he also talks. OK...
He has a name and he also talks. OK…
There are no words to describe this
There are no words to describe this

Hourai113

Love the feeling of finding keys in an RPG
Love the feeling of finding keys in an RPG
What evil lies behind this door? Play it to find out
What evil lies beyond? Play it to find out…
Remember how satisfying it was gliding down these ropes?
The jungle chapter reminded me of this
A case of deja vu
Talk about a case of deja vu

The jungle is probably my favorite chapter in the game. I love how Hourai High uses a modern backdrop, but throws in more exotic locales such as this wild jungle. It’s similar to what EarthBound did to keep the journey fresh as well as exciting. Here in the jungle you’ll encounter all sorts of untamed savages ready to devour your party whole. I enjoyed all chapters of Hourai High but I like the jungle one most because it captures what the FIELD TRIP FROM HELL would be like. Good times. Or rather, bad times? Ah you get my drift.

Hourai118

Its sense of humor is sure to make you smile
Its sense of humor is sure to make you smile
New amusingly strict rules are declared every so often
New amusingly strict rules are posted every so often
I know we bonded on that Africa trip, but come on!
“I know we bonded on that Africa trip, but c’mon!”

Hourai122

Roku ain't letting it go
Roku ain’t letting it go

Hourai124

Hourai125

Hourai126
This robot reminds me of the one from Breath of Fire

Hourai127

Each new rule get crazier and crazier
Each new rule get crazier and crazier
Poor Daichi and his weak bladder. Kid is screwed
Poor Daichi and his weak bladder. Kid is screwed
"Ah sorry! Sometimes I take things literally..."
“Ah sorry! Sometimes I take things literally…”
In terms of oddness, only EarthBound can rival it
In terms of oddness, only EarthBound can rival it

Hourai132

Quit laughing! Don't you see this isn't funny. It's sick!
“Quit laughing! This isn’t funny — this is sick!”
Hell yeah, Hourai High shows that you can stick it to the man!
Hell yeah, stick it to the man!

Hourai135

Hourai136

Hourai137

Alright let's all calm down now
“Alright pal, let’s all calm down now…”
What the ...
What the …
Light-colored text reveals people's real thoughts
Light color text reveals people’s real thoughts
Ugh, you don't leave without getting an answer!
Ugh, you don’t leave without getting an answer!
Is that scotch I smell there, Santa?
Is that scotch I smell there, Santa?
There are many Santa workers; you have to suss out the right one
Imposters galore. But only one real Santa
I love how she loses her sanity more day by day, week by week...
Slowly losing her sanity day by day, week by week…

Hourai145

Secret of Mana (1993)
Secret of Mana (1993)
This is NOT how you treat a starfish! It is extremely unbecoming!
“NOT cool. It’s extremely unbecoming!”
What attending Hourai High for 6 months will do to ya
Yep, she’s lost it now
"BAH HUMBUG!"
“BAH HUMBUG!”
Ninjas... always ruining Christmas
Ninjas… always ruining Christmas
Click like, comment, subscribe, donate...
Click like, comment, subscribe, donate…
WHAT!?!  No, he doesn't. I mean, no, we've never.... YOU KNOW!
“WHAT!?! I have no recollection of this…”
Each month (chapter) ends with an interesting newspaper article
Each month ends with a newspaper article
On second thought, being with you kids... make that any second!
“Being with you kids… make that any second!”
Who knows what strange beasts dwell in these deadly caves?
What strange beasts dwell in these deadly caves?

Hourai156

That's just... wrong
That’s just… wrong

Looks serious. Could be a revolt!  [Or lunch -Ed.]
Looks serious. Could be a revolt! [Or lunch -Ed.]
Hourai159

"Uhhh guys... I have a bad feeling about this..."
“Uhhh guys… I have a bad feeling about this…”

Hourai161

Street Fighter II (1991)
Street Fighter II (1991)

Hourai163

Gamera vs. Zigra (1971)
Gamera vs. Zigra (1971)

Hourai165

Trilogy of Terror (1975)
Trilogy of Terror (1975)
The game's art style is loaded with character
The game’s art style is loaded with character
"There's a reason why we call you HIGH-nako..."
“There’s a reason we call you HIGH-nako…”

Hourai169

Hourai170

Hourai171

Hourai172

Hourai173
[Oops. But it’s OK, only like 6 people read this site -Ed.]
Hourai174

Hourai175

Hourai176

Hourai177

Hourai178

Hourai179

Hourai180

Hourai181

Hourai182

Hourai183

SIDEWAY STORIES AT HOURAI HIGH

Hourai184

Hourai185

A childhood classic
A childhood classic

One of the best things about elementary school was receiving the latest book order. Remember circling all the book titles you wanted and getting your parents to buy most of them? It was a much easier sales pitch than a video game on account of being far cheaper and educational. Best of all, that magical morning you come into the classroom and find a stack of brand new books sitting atop your desk! Sure, it might not have been as wondrous as getting a video game on Christmas morning, but then again, as a kid what was? Seeing new books on your desk was still pretty damn cool. And while my love for the Goosebumps series has been well documented, one of my absolute favorites was easily Sideway Stories From Wayside School. It told the wacky tales of a zany school that was constructed 30 stories high! Featuring an evil teacher, Mrs. Gorf, each chapter highlighted a different student. The stories were beyond bizarre. My favorite was the chapter “Stephen.” Because it had my name (well, close enough) AND it was based on my favorite holiday as a kid: Halloween. Stephen also gets the best of Mrs. Gorf. I remember living vicariously through him. It was a reminder that even a little brave kid could stand up to a big mean adult.

As a kid I believed that Louis Sachar wrote this chapter for me
Louis Sachar clearly wrote this chapter for me
Subsequent inferior sequels followed and uh, 'jumped the shark'
Inferior sequels followed and jumped the shark…

GLARING FLAWS

Far from a perfect 4.0 GPA...
Far from a perfect 4.0 GPA…

There’s no denying the game’s humor and charm. However, a few key flaws keep it from being great. The biggest flaw? Equipping better armor and weapons seem to make NO difference at all. How Dynamite missed this is baffling, but this was the only game they ever developed, so take that for what it’s worth. So then this game is super hard right? Wrong. It’s actually very easy, even with this flaw. Your characters do level up, so their strength does increase, and that helps. You just can’t increase your strength by equipping a stronger weapon, so it makes armor and weapon buying useless, which is a shame as that’s part of the fun. So even though you can earn a variety of cool skills from all the various clubs you’ll join, it really doesn’t make a dent in the gameplay much in the end, as battles are so easy the only strategy consists of spamming the attack button (or use auto battle). The next major flaw: there are some game crashing bugs. I’ll highlight some below. Fortunately, on my playthrough, I avoided the bugs and thus was able to see the game through. Finally, the enemy encounter rate is ridiculously high. Sometimes you can’t take 4 steps it seems without a random battle occurring. Thus, it can drag the game down a bit. Thank God for that auto battle option.

It's a shame that buying new weapons and armor is not necessary
No need to buy new weapons and armor
Use Hinako's GUST skill at your own discretion...
Don’t use Hinako’s GUST skill. Just don’t
If you leave here and come back, the game may crash
If you leave here and come back, the game crashes
You get ridiculously bombarded by bad guys constantly
The enemy encounter rate is ridiculously high
Hmmm, I got a Senior Prank in mind...
Hmmm, I got a Senior Prank in mind…
Love the Lego Duplo look of the characters
Love the Lego Duplo look of the characters

Like I said, there are some flaws that one just cannot overlook. Having said that, now let’s talk about the positives. Visually, it’s got a very clean and unique look. The characters look great. Enemies and the various locales have a good deal of detail. The music is surprisingly well done for a company who only made one game. Lots of catchy tunes that range from frenetic and upbeat to soothing and relaxing, like a cool summertime breeze. There are many friends to make, many playable characters to try and many different clubs you can join to earn a myriad of offensive and defensive skills. You can partake in up to 3 clubs at once and you are free to switch out whenever you like.

There are so many people you can recruit!
There are so many people you can recruit!
The "Friend Point" was a neat little system
The “Friend Point” was a neat little system

You also earn Friend Points after a fight. Distribute it as you wish. After maxing out one’s Friend Points, that character becomes your best bud. You then unlock certain special skills and moves. Pretty cool stuff.

If you love (zany) RPGs, Hourai High is worth a visit
If you love (zany) RPGs, Hourai High is worth a visit

FAST TIMES AT HOURAI HIGH

Hourai201

[Touché -Ed.]
[Touché -Ed.]
It took me 30 hours to beat this game. I will definitely play through it a second time at some point down the road, and use the female protagonist next time. I’d like to thank the translating crew over at Aeon Genesis, who made this fan translation possible. A job well done, AG!

EarthBound fans will likely enjoy this too
EarthBound fans will likely enjoy this game too

CLOSING THOUGHTS

"Not exactly a welcome mat, is it?"
“Not exactly a welcome mat now, is it?”

Adventures of Hourai High will take you back to high school in some ways, but it’s also far beyond anything anyone ever experienced in high school. Yes, you’ll make buddies (even to varying degrees), join clubs and learn different skills, and even forge a few enemies but if it stopped there it’d be boring. Here, you’ll go on the adventure of a lifetime. Everywhere from rancid sewers to wild jungles to spooky demonic temples. Along the journey there’s plenty of charm thanks in large part to its amusing dialogue and all the wacky characters who inhabit its kooky world. It’s like high school, only taken to the very extreme, with a very peculiar Japanese touch that ONLY the Japanese can offer. If that sounds like a good time to you then I’m sure you’ll enjoy it — warts and all — like I have!

EarthBRe130

Adventures of Hourai High exudes charm and humor in spades. And that’s the best quality it has going for it. Where it falls short in execution, it excels in charming the pants off ya. All the strange characters that you meet, the diverse locales you’ll travel to and all the weird enemies you battle, not to mention the amusing dialogue, makes you press on in spite of its flaws. It’s one of the most endearing video games I’ve ever experienced. If you’re willing to look beyond the rough edges (high enemy encounter rate and broken weapon system), there’s a wonderful adventure lying underneath. This game made me smile constantly. It’s loaded with personality and heart. It’s too bad Dynamite didn’t iron out the kinks because this could have been a real gem. Still, it’s one of those rare games where in spite of its glaring flaws there’s something about it compels you forward. Who knew an RPG based around high school teenage life could be so addicting? If you can bear its missteps, this is one high school definitely worth visiting.

Graphics: 7.5
Sound: 8.5
Gameplay: 7
Longevity: 7

AwardOverall: 7.5
Bronze Award

EarthBound (SNES)

Pub: Nintendo | Dev: Ape | June '95 | 24 MEGS
Pub: Nintendo | Dev: Ape | June ’95 | 24 MEGS

One of the most notorious games from the vast Super Nintendo library is without a doubt EarthBound. Released 21 years ago, it stood out in the crowd of RPGs by having a contemporary setting, a zany sense of humor, and a very unique style. And as the years passed, the game grew in demand, popularity and reverence. So much that some people would even tell you that the game has been overhyped beyond belief. In 2012, I finally got to play through EarthBound. It was an adventure the likes of which I’ll remember FOREVER.

WHEN PRICES WERE DOWN TO EARTH

The SNES market has skyrocketed in recent years
The SNES market has skyrocketed in recent years

When I got back into the Super Nintendo scene 10 years ago in early 2006, the games were still quite cheap. I picked up titles like Ninja Gaiden Trilogy, Castlevania: Dracula X, Aero Fighters, Mega Man X³, and EarthBound each for $40 or less. No such luck doing that today! It boggles the mind how crazy expensive these old games are now. Back in 2006, EarthBound didn’t carry the mainstream reputation it would later gain in recent years. It was just another game I’d never played back in the day but was now interested in doing so. I never imagined in my wildest dreams that the game would become the monster that it is today. It makes me wonder how much these games will command 5 to 10 years from now. All I know for sure — I’m glad I got in when I did and got out before the market went sky high. Life is truly about timing, and a little lady luck never hurts too!

EarthBRe2

ALIENS FROM ANOTHER PLANET

Ah, back when life was carefree and innocent
Nelly and I had our own version of Friday Night Lights

As a kid UFOs fascinated me. Alien beings that lived far above us in the outer reaches of space. The idea that intelligent (and possibly menacing) creatures living above us is mystifying. Growing up, I would scan the skies late at night with my binoculars hoping to see something, yet at the same time dreading the possibility that something might see me back. My best friend Nelson and I became obsessed; we even had the odd “sky stakeout” here and there. While it may sound a bit sad, there are worse ways to spend an evening than to hang out with your best friend shooting the breeze and scanning the skies while sharing a pepperoni pizza. We never saw anything, not even once, but I think Nelson and I both silently understood that we used it as an excuse to veg out on a Friday night after a long school week. About once a month we’d bust out the lawn chairs, set our piping hot Totino’s pizza on the little table outside, kick back and talk about our crushes on Jenny and Elaine, video games and anything monster-related while staring out at the beautiful early evening sky. Munching on cheesy carbs and sipping on fizzy soda, Nelly and I would gaze up at the sky talking the night away. We’d stay outside so late that his mom would flip the back porch light on. Those “stakeout” Friday evenings have stuck with me all these years later. Time marches on, but I still recall those lazy nights vividly.

They're out there...
They’re out there…

The best thing about UFOs for me was the idea that they could be anywhere. The Loch Ness Monster was confined to Scotland, Bigfoot could only lurk in the woods, but aliens could be anywhere. The idea that they could be watching you at any time was all part of the fun of believing in them as a kid. And the fact that aliens could be whatever you wanted them to be. Maybe friendly and precocious like E.T., or deadly and malicious, or just advanced and neutral. They were whatever you made them out to be. EarthBound is awesome for a myriad of reasons. One being they took a lot of my childhood interests and crammed them into one epic RPG. Nessie, Bigfoot, aliens, dinosaurs, zombies — EarthBound strikes a certain childhood chord with me no other video game ever has.

Goonies meets Peanuts meets The Wonder Years
GooniesPeanuts + The Wonder Years + Dragon Quest

OUR HEROES

EarthBRe6

An all-American kid living in an all-American town, Ness is proof that there lies a hero deep inside each one of us. He’s the kid next door, with a loving mom, a plucky sister and a workaholic but extremely generous dad. One minute Ness is living a basic ordinary life, but when the meteorite crashes, everything changes. An alien believes Ness to be the chosen one with the power to alter cosmic events. A nice all-around character with a good balance of speed, IQ, offensive power and psychic ability. His weapon of choice is a baseball bat. This journey will drain and test Ness at every step of the way. He enters it as a kid, but one way or another, he’s going to leave it a man.

EarthBRe7

Remember your Winnie Cooper growing up? You know, your biggest childhood crush? That’s kinda the role one might initially think Paula plays, but there’s so much more to her. Try incredible psychic powers and one mean frying pan. Paula loves to scramble eggs, if you get my drift. She doesn’t mind rolling up her sleeves and getting her hands dirty. Hailing from Twoson, her mother runs the Polestar Preschool. Paula’s the first one to join you on your epic quest, and you must rescue her from the clutches of an evil cult called the Happy Happy Village, led by Mr. Carpainter. Being one in touch with her spiritual side, Paula can pray in a pinch. I renamed her as Jenny, based on my own Winnie Cooper growing up.

EarthBRe8

No healthy childhood would be complete without the aid and presence of a best friend. While Jeff is not touted as Ness’ best pal, I like to think of him as such. The mechanical genius of the team, Jeff is son to a famous scientist. It shows, as he can use machines and gadgets that no one else on the team can. He also has a knack for repairing broken devices, which proves to be invaluable. While he doesn’t possess any psychic ability, Jeff makes up for it with his tremendous knowledge of being able to fashion great weapons out of broken items. He might be a little weak offensively, but his IQ is critical to the group’s success. I renamed him Nelly, in honor of my childhood best friend, Nelson.

EarthBRe9

The mysterious prince from the East (Dalaam to be precise) is the third and final friend to join you in your quest. Being the oldest member of the group, plus possessing that ever so mysterious charm of being from somewhere far, far away, Poo has great physical, mental and spiritual strength. One of his best talents is the magic ability to assume the shape of an enemy attacker (known as Mirror). Trained in ancient martial arts, this mystical fighter is a much welcomed addition when he finally enters the fray a decent way into the game. He is a bit of a ladies’ man, too, which gives his character an interesting layer to say the least. I renamed Poo to be Sushi-X, in honor of a family friend growing up who, much like Poo, was older than I was and had sort of a mythical aura about him. Everyone in my gaming group called him Sushi-X because he loved EGM and Street Fighter II.

THE REAL HERO

EarthBRe13

THE STORY GOES…

EarthBRe10

Sunday, 2 PM, the first day of summer
Sunday, 2 PM, the first day of summer

It’s another idyllic sunny day in the small, sleepy town of Onett. Turning off your Super Nintendo, you grab your bike and head off for your weekly paper route. You’ve been working hard to save up enough to buy that new Super Nintendo RPG EarthBound. Hell, you’re so ambitious you even ride out as far as Twoson. You certainly don’t mind it, as there’s nothing like riding your 10 speed bicycle, the wind whipping against your face, that open road ahead. For that small window of time, you’re a free man. Riding out to Twoson was always a bit of an adventure. You could almost feel the whiskers kicking in. Times have changed now. Kids aren’t allowed to go out alone anymore… but back then… this was our life. Besides, it was in Twoson where your crush, Jenny, resides. You’ve stalked, uhhh, I mean, seen her working around the preschool whenever you passed by. You never had any houses on that block of town, but that never did stop you from willingly and happily taking the scenic route.

EarthBRe21

Having hand-delivered the odd paper or two to Orange Kid, you’ve developed a bit of a relationship with him. He is Twoson’s infamous inventor, well, one of the two. The other is Apple Kid but no one likes him. Orange Kid on the other hand is a chick magnet. After all, ya can’t compare apples to oranges… [har har -Ed.]. Being that you’re Steve, and NOT such a ladies’ man, you decide to stop by today for a bit of advice on how to win hearts and be more than just another sappy shoulder to cry on. Normally busy, Orange Kid is in a very giving mood today — he spends the better part of an hour divulging some insider tips that’s sure to make even Steve a certified G and a bonafide stud. Rejuvenated, you spend the next couple hours over at the flea market in Burglin Park and Twoson’s pride, MACH PIZZA. Sure, Onett’s Burger Barn is 5-star quality according to their 275 Yelp reviews and counting, but Onett’s not exactly known for its pizza. It’s just another reason why you never complain when it’s time to ride over to Twoson. But you never share this with Orange Kid, fearing that he just might laugh at you if he ever knew the real reason.

Seven hours later...
Seven hours later…

BLINK BLINK. Your eyes open slowly as you realize you fell asleep in Burglin Park. The once inviting sunshine has withered, giving way to a cold, bleak darkness. Mom’s probably worried but this is the mid ’90s when kids could get away with such things. Your bicycle still safely beside you, you hop on and bound homeward.

A cool breeze flows through your hair
A cool breeze flows through your hair

Good old home. It’s your haven. Even though your dad isn’t around, you have almost everything you could want. Sure, you got annoying neighbors, but hey nothing’s perfect. As you head out of Twoson and back to Onett, you beam ear to ear having learned some of Orange Kid’s secrets of the trade. There’s no way Jenny can resist you now.

On THIS night, something incredible is about to happen...
On THIS night, something incredible is about to happen…

By now the sleepy town of Onett has been entirely devoured by darkness. An eerie stillness settles over the suburb, sending a chill up your spine. What once stood as an assuring sight during the day has turned into something sinister in the night. But crime has always been so low that no one really pays mind to anything bad happening in this quaint quiet town. Of course, we all know that’s how it usually starts out…

Jenny I got your number! 867-5309...
Jenny I got your number! 867-5309…

Being an invincible kid ripe off acquiring the fortified knowledge of the players’ handbook, you’ve got not a single care in the world as you come bounding down the all too familiar sight of the suburbs. Closing your eyes and dreaming of your beloved crush, Jenny, you have no idea that a terrible terror is about to overtake your quiet, sleepy town. And thrust you toward a hellacious voyage that will see you ultimately fulfilling your God-given destiny…

They're here...
They’re here…

Meanwhile, somewhere in Onett, a woman wakes up in a pool of her own sweat. A loud bang outside her bedroom sends shivers down her spine. It’s coming from the den. Frightened, she clutches the blanket to her chest while listening in the darkness… silence. Then suddenly, RAP RAP RAP. Someone or SOMETHING wants in. Cautiously tip-toeing her way to the bedroom door, a dark, shadowy and twisty figure appears from behind her…

EarthBRe11

EarthBRe12

EarthBRe27

EarthBRe29

EarthBRe30

EarthBRe31

EarthBRe32

EarthBRe33

Time to do some investigating...
Time to do some investigating…
"Yes sir, going home pronto..."
“Yes sir, going home pronto…”
"What the hell!"
“What the hell!”

After “going home pronto” (AKA sneaking about), you find your annoying neighbor, Pokey, poking around in police business. Whatever’s happening here tonight has to be huge, and you’re not gonna miss it for the world.

OPD is clearly top of the line
OPD — clearly top of the line officers

“Officer, sir, if you don’t mind just letting me slip through here. I have a friend I need to check up on.”

“Sorry kiddo, no can do. I’ve been given strict orders from the chief not to let anyone pass through, and that especially includes punk kids such as yourself.”

“Okaaaay… how about this nice glazed donut, then?”

“GAH! Alright kid, you’ve got five minutes but ONLY five, you hear?!”

"GET! ALL OF Y'ALL! GEEET!"
“GET! ALL OF Y’ALL! GEEET!”

“Hey, who let this punk kid through?”

“Steve! Boy am I glad to see you. Something strange is going on…”

“Alright, enough! You bastards get on out of here!”

Atop the hill, as the police drag you away like a rag doll, you catch a glimpse of a fallen meteor. Rubbing your eyes in disbelief, you wonder if it’s just a dream.

Stagger to bed like Otis Campbell on a Saturday night
Stagger to bed like Otis Campbell on a Saturday night

Mom knows best. One look at your kisser and nothing else needs to be said. Still shaking, you saunter to your bedroom. But before you can replay the night’s events in your mind, your head hits the soft, cool pillow and you fall into a deep sleep…

EarthBRe40

EarthBRe41

Well I'll be damned. Or rather, oh my land!
Well I’ll be damned. Or rather, oh my land!

EarthBRe44

EarthBRe45

EarthBRe46

EarthBRe47

EarthBRe48

EarthBRe49
The boys set off…

“There’s my bro, Picky! Quick, Steve, save him! Or else my parents are gonna let me have it!”

“Wait, why am I helping you again?”

“Because you’re Steve, an all around good guy!”

“Oh, of course. Damn, it’s a curse to be this kindhearted and good looking.”

Buddy: Master, I don’t think Pokey said good looking but whatever

EarthBRe50

Upon arriving at the top they come within 15 feet of the meteor. The air is hot and humid; you can still see steam coming from its core…

“Umm, you go on ahead and grab him, Steve.”

“What! He’s your brother. You go fetch him.”

“No, I think I’m good. I’m with Buddy. Right here is good for me.”

“Fine. You pansy.”

EarthBRe51

A mysterious and booming voice suddenly fills the hot night air
A mysterious voice suddenly fills the hot night air
EarthBRe53
It’s the voice! “If you build it, he will come”

On their trek home, the boys are stopped dead in their tracks when Star Man Jr., one of Giygas’ nefarious henchmen, appears out of nowhere to confront the 3 boys. Luckily, Buzz Buzz, the source of the voice, is by your side. Protecting the crew with his psychic shield, our hero is able to defeat Star Man Jr. After which, Buzz Buzz warns them the worst is yet to come but he has faith. Legend has it 3 boys and a girl are destined to save the universe. Buzz Buzz believes you are one of those 3 brave, young warriors.

EarthBRe54

EarthBRe55

EarthBRe56

EarthBRe57

In his dying breath, Buzz Buzz gives our hero the Sound Stone. “To defeat Giygas, your own power must unite with that of earth.” Our hero sets off to visit 8 sanctuaries to record the sound of each with the Sacred Stone. First stop? The infamous Giant Step!

During the pilgrimage you will run across many interesting cats
During the quest you’ll meet many interesting cats
Growing up and a loss of innocence is one of the central themes
Growing up and lost innocence is a central theme
With its unique look and zany humor, it's one of a kind
With its unique look and zany humor, it’s one of a kind

It truly is. Combining a modern setting with your typical suburban town in Anytown USA, any kid who ever grew up in a sleepy suburb in America can instantly relate. From the moment the game began, I knew right away I was in for one magical, epic journey.

There’s been some major hate dumped on the crude visuals of the game… but I personally love the look. They are INTENTIONALLY retro-fied. I like to think of it as 12-bit… it’s not quite 8-bit NES yet it’s not quite 16-bit. It’s just EarthBound.

Right?! Brings back a fond childhood memory or two
Right?! Brings back a fond childhood memory or two
Wait a second, I've seen this somewhere in a movie...
Wait a second, I’ve seen this somewhere in a movie…
The Purge. Here's Fat Frank after DDP Yoga
The Purge. Here’s Fat Frank after DDP Yoga
And his creepy robot. Purge makers EarthBound fans?
And his creepy robot. Purge makers EarthBound fans?

EarthBRe66

EarthBRe67

While whimsical, it also carries some dark mature themes
While whimsical, it also carries some mature themes
[It's FUZZY PICKLES, damnit -Ed.]
[It’s FUZZY PICKLES, damnit -Ed.]
NPCs made exploring the various towns plenty of fun
NPCs made exploring the various towns very fun
Alright, let's see if they got the latest Goosebumps...
OK let’s see if they got the latest Goosebumps

EarthBRe72

EarthBRe73

“I’D BUY THAT FOR A DOLLAR!” -Bixby Snyder

EarthBound was meta before meta became chic
EarthBound was meta before meta became chic
[Someone say Street Sharks? JAWESOME -Ed.]
[Someone say Street Sharks? JAWESOME -Ed.]
It draws you in, like a good book or movie!
It draws you in, like a good book or movie!
You must beat TITANIC ANT to get the first Sound Stone
Beat Titantic Ant to get the first Sound Stone
Then record the first of 8 melodies with the Sound Stone
Then use it to record the first of 8 melodies

EarthBRe82

Breaking the 4th wall again :D
Breaking the 4th wall… again :-D
"Oh. did he have a mohawk?"  "Uh NO. But he wore a red hat"
“He had a mohawk?” “Uh NO. But he wore a red hat”

EarthBRe85

By the time I grab my books,
And I give myself a look,
I’m at the corner just in time to see the bus fly by!
It’s alright ’cause I’m saved by the bell!
If the teacher pops a test,
I know I’m in a mess,
And my dog ate all my homework last night,
Ridin’ low in my chair,
She won’t know that I’m there,
If I can hand it in tomorrow, it’ll be all right!
It’s alright, ’cause I’m saved by the bell!

[MY OFFICE — RIGHT NOW -Ed.]

EarthBRe86

EarthBRe87

It's refreshing to play an RPG so bonkers
It’s refreshing to play an RPG so bonkers

[On my favorite RPGs list I rank this at... #2... -Ed.]
[On my favorite RPGs list I rank this at… #2… -Ed.]
EarthBRe90

EarthBRe91

Evokes memories of Peanuts...
“Damn Google put me out of business!”  *grumbles*

EarthBRe93

EarthBRe94
Wait, who is Mr. X?!
A badass prince (and ladies' man) from a mountain village
More on Mr. X in a bit…
If your humor is offbeat, you'll be right at home
If your humor is offbeat, you’ll be right at home
It made the surroundings feel more intimate
It made the surroundings feel more intimate

EarthBRe98

Aliens, ghosts, zombies, Nessie AND dinosaurs?!  Yes
It appeals to the 10-year-old inside each of us

EarthBRe100

EarthBRe101

The "Cat Sewer Eyes" haunted my childhood...
The “Cat Sewer Eyes” haunted my childhood…

When we were kids, my parents used to drive me and my bro to the Gaming Crew’s neck of the woods. About an hour into the drive we would pass by these sewers covered by giant “cat masks.” It was big enough that my bro and I could spot it clearly even from the freeway hundreds of feet away. I’d always wondered what the hell they were doing there. The cats became a trademark sight that my bro and I would always point to anytime our parents drove us by. This part of EarthBound brought back buried memories of those bizarre giant sewer cat masks…

EarthBRe103

EarthBRe104

EarthBRe105

EarthBRe106

From suburbia to the far east we go thanks to some Magic Cake!
Magic Cake takes ya from suburbia to the far east
Poo completes your party, adding a certain mystique to the group
Poo adds a certain mystique to the group

You are introduced to the 4th and final player of your party, Poo, or in this case, Mr. X. He’s a smooth cat prince living in the palatial mountain village of Dalaam. Take X on a life-altering quest to gain the power of wisdom, valor and patience as you karate chop and decimate all obstacles blocking you from enlightenment. After all, you simply can’t beat a hideous alien force without the pivotal aid of a badass martial artist who hails from a far away land, can you? Well, maybe, but it sure as hell wouldn’t be nearly as fun.

I love the aesthetics of Dalaam
I love the aesthetics of Dalaam
Sushi-X was, purportedly, a ladies' man. Key word is purportedly
Sushi-X was, purportedly, a ladies’ man. Purportedly

Sushi-X was a cat that ran in my gaming group back in the day. He was older than most of us and he always walked around with this certain aura of mystique. In many ways I looked up to him as a kid growing up. We affectionately nicknamed him Sushi-X for his affection of EGM and Street Fighter II, just like the infamous Sushi-X persona on the old EGM review crew. Unfortunately the game didn’t allow me to fit in “Sushi-X” so I went for the next best thing: “Mr. X.”

Remember how satisfying it was gliding down these ropes?
It felt so satisfying gliding down these ropes!

EarthBRe112

EarthBRe113

Read "Summer of Imports" for more on Nelly
Read “Summer of Imports” for more on Nelly
Story of my life...
Story of my life…
No '80s child can ever forget LITE-BRITE
No ’80s child could ever forget LITE-BRITE
"LITE BRITE, LITE BRITE. MAKE A FACE TO GLOW AT NIGHT!"
“LITE BRITE, LITE BRITE. Make a face to glow at night!”
All good things must come to a bittersweet end
All good things must come to a bittersweet end

JENNIFER — MY CHILDHOOD WINNIE COOPER

Oh, of course. Steve is a gentleman of great probity [Riiight -Ed.]
Of course. Steve, a man of great probity [Riiight -Ed.]
We all had one major childhood crush...
We all had one major childhood crush…

Jennifer and Elaine were the two hottest girls in the 5th grade. Nothing could beat being in the same class with your best friend as well as the two cutest girls in school. Nelson favored Elaine while I preferred Jennifer. Sadly, my family moved in the middle of 7th grade and that was the last I saw of Jennifer… until 7 years later. One day during my sophomore year in college I was walking down this long hallway when a young beautiful lady walked right by. Instantly I got a huge whiff of 1994 and was suddenly transported back to my childhood. Could it be, was it — yes, it was Jennifer. Too paralyzed to say anything, I could only watch in silence as we went in opposite directions until she disappeared around the corner. I kicked myself for not saying hi, hoping that we’d bump into each other again. As fate would have it, not long after that, we did. I asked her if she remembered me from elementary school. She smiled warmly and said “Of course. I remember you suddenly left one day in junior high and that was that.” I nodded, the both of us soaking in the moment. Life was different back in the ’90s. We didn’t have Facebook or email to stay in touch. 7 years is a long time not to see or speak to someone but she remembered me. It meant a lot.

A long time ago I used to wonder what might have happened between me and Jennifer had I never moved. My imagination wandered to an alternate future where we’re happily married with two kids, a dog and a white picket fence. She’s now married with a kid. The last time I saw her was about five years ago. I was acting in a musical and she came out to support me. We exchanged pleasantries and hugs after the show in the lobby. And that was the last I ever saw of Jennifer — my childhood Winnie Cooper.

EarthBRe121
Well, are you, Jenny?
Hey now! What the hell...
Hey now! What the hell…
Wish the game had a drive-in theatre
A drive-in is the only thing EarthBound is missing

KNOW YOUR MOTHER. TREAT HER RIGHT

Mr. T hates how Mother was disrespected
Mr. T hates how Mother was disrespected

As many of you know by now, EarthBound is the 16-bit sequel to the 8-bit Famicom game MotherMother was released in Japan July 1989, and was set to come out in the US September 1990. But with the impending launch of the SNES, Mother was never released. There’s a pretty fascinating history behind this, and you can find out all the sordid details by way of a quick Google search. There are also some great YouTube history videos on this subject matter. The game has since been fan translated, and is known now as EarthBound ZeroEarthBound on the SNES is known as Mother 2 over in Japan. There was also a Mother 3 released in 2006 for the GBA, but it never left the land of the rising sun. EarthBound is the only Mother game ever to see an official US release. A crime if you think about it.

What would Ness do? Call his mama!
Mother 3 on the Game Boy Advance (2006)

Mother 3 has since been fan translated. To date, this has been the final game in the beloved Mother series. It’s sad that two of the games never left Japan. It’s a bit sad also that many gamers know of Ness via Super Smash Bros and not EarthBound, although his Smash outings have definitely stirred interest from people who came in knowing nothing about the Mother series. I guess that’s not a bad thing at least.

FUN EARTHBOUND CLONES

I was lucky to buy these two just months before Timewalk folded
Wacky Japanese high school + the weird west…

There are 2 SNES games I would highly recommend to EarthBound fanatics. Both of them are Super Famicom exclusives with English fan translations available. The first title is called Gunman’s Proof which is actually an action RPG along the lines of a Legend of Zelda: A Link to the Past. It’s got tons of charm and quirkiness and is simply a load of fun. Think Zelda meets the wild wild west with a dash of EarthBound thrown in for good measure. It’s one of the most criminally underrated SNES games out there. It’s on the short side but I can’t recommend it enough. The second is Adventures of Hourai High. Wacky and zany describes it best. It is like EarthBound meets Final Fantasy V. Taking place in a Japanese high school setting, you can join a wide variety of clubs — this is how you gain different skills. Its sense of offbeat humor is extremely reminiscent of EarthBound, and while it has its fair share of flaws, Hourai High is worth a visit.

Gunman's Proof is one of the best SNES titles that few talk about
One of the best SNES titles that few talk about

Gunman’s Proof is one of my personal favorites. I love the game’s humor, style, atmosphere and fun fast-paced gun slinging action. It’s too damn short (similar to The Twisted Tales of Spike McFang) but it’s a blast, pardon the pun, while it lasts. If you haven’t played it before, I highly suggest rectifying that.

It even apes Earthbound's font. A nice touch indeed
It even apes EarthBound‘s font. A nice touch indeed

Adventures of Hourai High is a unique RPG. You can play as a boy or girl. The dialogue is hilarious and almost as entertaining as EarthBound. Sadly, a few key flaws hamper Hourai High from being a notably nice game. The encounter rate is way too high, and there was a major screw-up: weapons and armor equipped do not change your stats. Somehow, the programmers botched this and so you only increase in stats by leveling up. In essence, you never have to buy new weapons or armor. I still recommend it to diehard EarthBound fans however, despite its glaring flaws.

Earthbound fans will appreciate Hourai High's humor
EarthBound fans will appreciate Hourai High‘s humor

EarthBRe130

"I am. Traded in my bat for a gun and my cap for a 10 gallon hat"
“I am. Traded in my bat and cap for a 10 gallon hat”

WHAT THE CRITICS (AND YOU) SAID

Super Play Magazine loved it
Super Play Magazine loved it

EarthBound is one of those interesting and fascinating cases of a game that got its fair share of love when it came out originally. But really it wasn’t until years later that it exploded in popularity. Curiously, EGM never did review it. GameFan did, however. They gave it scores of 85, 90 and 92%. Super Play Magazine scored it 88%. In a recent poll I asked the public to rate EarthBound on a scale of 1-10. One voter gave it a 1. Another gave it a 7. A few rated it an 8, but the majority of readers voted 9. Of course, there was a healthy smattering of fans who gave it the perfect 10 out of 10 score. Pretty much what I expected — lots of 9s and 10s with one vocal minority who gave it the lowest rating possible. Oh Earthbound, truly the polarizing RPG of our time.

Few RPGs divided gamers as much as this one
Few RPGs divided opinions as much as this one
Nintendo Power ranked it 60th best game of all time
Nintendo Power ranked it #60 on its top 100 list

 CLOSING THOUGHTS

EarthBound's awesome contemporary setting helps set it apart
I’ll always stop for pizza. Damn straight, son

I didn’t play EarthBound back in the day. When I started it up in November of 2012 it was an entirely fresh experience. Therefore, zero nostalgia goggles here. Two weeks and 30 hours later, I knew I’d just played one of the most engrossing and captivating games ever. From the refreshing and comforting sights of suburbia in the early stages of the game to the more exotic locales found later on, it took me on an incredible journey of youth, bravery, loyalty and adventure. I felt like I was playing an RPG that combined Goonies, The Wonder Years, Peanuts and Dragon Quest. Not a bad little recipe! If you love RPGs and you still haven’t played this, STOP whatever you’re doing. And go rectify this matter. Now.

It takes you back to your youth
It takes you back to your youth

EarthBound perfectly captures the sheer awe of childhood, combined with a longing desire to push one’s suburban limits to the very brink. Playing the game made me feel like a kid again. Like I was back in my old hometown haunts hanging out at the arcade, going around town to the local pizza joint and flipping through the latest Goosebumps book at the library. And that’s just the beginning of the game. Soon it all transforms into something much more, as you meet new friends and unlikely allies all in the name of stopping an implacable force known only as Giygas. The game opens with our hero in bed in his striped pajamas. It seems like any other ordinary night in the ol’ neighborhood of suburbia. You are then awoken — it’s great subtle symbolism because for the first time in your young prepubescent life, you’re truly awake. The many wacky, perilous and funny events to unfold all shape this tremendous coming-of-age adventure. You leave home and like any other epic story ever told, you embark on a journey that changes you from a boy to a young man. You’ll conquer many obstacles — both external and internal. Playing EarthBound was like being in a never-ending state of reverie, and I loved every damn second of it.

Few games have left such an memorable imprint
Few games left such an imprint

There’s a certain timeless, nostalgic quality about this game. It stirs the feeling of being a kid in Anytown USA who leaves home to voyage on the adventure of a lifetime. From your local 3-story mall to far away lands exotic, mysterious and menacing, EarthBound tugs on all the right notes to create an experience like no other. The music’s an eclectic mix that’s among the best you’ll hear on the SNES. The gameplay is fairly standard, but there are some nice ideas here like instant wins and a rolling health meter. But EarthBound is so much more than this. EarthBound is, quite simply, a quintessential tale of growing up and overcoming trials in a not so perfect world. It’s light-hearted yet serious when it needs to be. The many diverse locales are great and I find the visuals to be a bit underrated. Many like to dismiss it, but I love the style and can’t imagine the game any other way. There’s a reason why EarthBound has so many fervent fans. It was a work of art that resonated with our inner child, leaving us with a lasting and memorable impression. Indeed, the tale of Ness and his friends is one that has stood the test of time. And one that I believe will continue to do so for generations to come.

Graphics: 7.5
Sound: 10
Gameplay: 9
Longevity: 9

Overall: 10

FUZZY PICKLES!

PLATINUM AWARD