Battletoads in Battlemaniacs (SNES)

Pub: Tradewest | Dev: Rare | June 1993 | 8 MEGS
Pub: Tradewest | Dev: Rare | June 1993 | 8 MEGS

The Super Nintendo in the early-mid ’90s was where all your old 8-bit favorites went on to become immortalized. Taking everything that made the 8-bit classics so great and adding some 16-bit horsepower to the mix often times made for an even better game. Sadly though, not all 16-bit sequels lived up to the hype. And in some cases, they even fell way short. But I’m getting ahead of myself. Let’s rewind the clock back to the summer of 1991…


No NES loving kid in the early '90s could ever forget this
No NES loving kid could ever forget this

When the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles cartoon hit airwaves back in 1987, it sparked a revolution. It wasn’t long before we saw other similar mutant animal factions sprout up overnight like a bad pimple [I see what you did there -Ed.] on prom night. The first time I laid eyes on the Battletoads box at Evergeeen Video one hot June afternoon in 1991, I was hooked. Instead of beating up foot soldiers, you took on mutant rats. Instead of playing as turtles, you played as some badass toads. The game immediately grabbed my attention. No sooner then did I take it to the counter for the old man to rent.

At the time my bro and I were obsessed with Double Dragon II
My bro and I were obsessed with Double Dragon II

Double Dragon II was our jam. My uncle bought us a copy and we played it to death. Back then there was nothing like kicking in skulls and cleaning up the streets with a buddy in tow. As far as my 7-year-old self was concerned, nothing could top that. A jump kick here. An uppercut there. I was a pig in mud.

So many nights spent glued to the TV screen...
So many nights spent…

Double Dragon II was the pinnacle of NES beat ‘em ups. So my brother and I were excited to try out Battletoads especially coming off the heels of the very disappointing Double Dragon III sequel (February 1991).

It was different...
It was different…

It didn’t match the sheer awesomeness of Double Dragon II, but we definitely had our fair share of fun with Battletoads. One has to give it some credit for being different. At its heart you have another beat ‘em up, but it did a few quirky things here and there that has stood out in my mind even 25 years later. Whoa, speaking of which, I just realized NES Battletoads turned 25 two months ago. Cue the obligatory “Damn do I feel old now” comment.

Stick it where the sun don't shine
Stick it where the sun don’t shine

Just look at this enemy. Very unconventional looking. Not only that but you can break its legs, take one and beat bad guys with said leg. It’s utterly ridiculous, but all part of that weird, unique Battletoads charm.

Good times. Hard times too
Good times. Hard times too

Unfortunately, Battletoads is also known for its gross difficulty, particularly that infamous air bike section. You know the one I’m talking about. Even to this day, it’s still referred to as one of the hardest sections a video game has ever seen. But hey, maybe in the 16-bit sequel they’ll reduce the difficulty, or get rid of it altogether, right? Right…

Battletoads in Battlemaniacs (U) [!]_00000

Things start out well enough. Unfortunately you can’t pick the toad you want to use. Player 1 always uses Pimple while Player 2 uses Rash. Zitz was captured in the game intro. Kind of a downer you couldn’t just select from any three, but whatever. It’s fun seeing Pimple transform his fist into a stone hammer the very first time.

Battletoads in Battlemaniacs (U) [!]_00008

As well as this. It starts out being quite comical, and satisfying. That is until more than one enemy shows up, and the time it takes to produce such exaggerated animations begin to cost you. Enemies can easily score cheap hits because of these overblown moves, and they’re no longer as fun to watch the 10th time. Which proves to me sometimes you just can’t beat good old fashioned efficiency and practicality. These are fun gimmicks, indeed, but not very effective ones in the long run.

Battletoads in Battlemaniacs (U) [!]_00011

I do like though how the run option requires no double tapping. Just hold left or right for a little bit and your toad starts sprinting. Very handy for sections such as these.

Battletoads in Battlemaniacs (U) [!]_00018

I love the exploding volcanoes in the backdrop of this stage. And all the excessive lava flowing around everywhere. It sets a pretty nice tone.

Battletoads in Battlemaniacs (U) [!]_00019

Ah, here’s something more practical for ya. Surrounded by enemies? Smash both of them away at the same time. Very efficient, and satisfying.

Battletoads in Battlemaniacs (U) [!]_00021

Shades of Golden Axe if you ask me! Try to knock these bozos off that little cliff there. Always a great feeling when you manage to pull it off.

Battletoads in Battlemaniacs (U) [!]_00023

Not a big fan of level design like this. You know, where certain sections of the landscape give way and you have to be in the clear or else lose a life. Always felt cheap to me and particularly unnecessary in a beat ‘em up. There’s just no place for it.

Battletoads in Battlemaniacs (U) [!]_00029

Love Pimple’s reaction there. The game definitely has a sense of humor to it, and I’m sure I would have enjoyed it more if the game was more sensible rather than annoyingly cheap and difficult, which later on it does become.

Battletoads in Battlemaniacs (U) [!]_00034

Speaking of annoying, be careful not to be squashed. If you are, you turn into a quivering pancake, and your sprite will wobble around the screen. Thankfully you can control it but you do run the risk of waddling right off the cliff and thus lose a life if you’re not careful. It just adds another point to the annoyance meter for me.

Battletoads in Battlemaniacs (U) [!]_00041

The final blow ends in a Michael Bay slow motion explosion. Quite dramatic and lovely. It’s a shame this first level is really the only true “beat ‘em up” level in the entire game. Yes, sad but true. This caught me off guard the first time. Stages 2-6 are all gimmicky bullshit that involves rides of one kind or another, and really take away from the enjoyment of the game. Honestly felt like I was duped. A classic case of bait and switch if I ever saw one before.

No kidding...
No kidding on the real challenge

Battletoads in Battlemaniacs (U) [!]_00051

And so it begins. Your descent into gimmicky rides galore. At first it was like “OK, cool, they’re switching it up for stage 2 for some needed variety.” But then you realize these gimmicky scrolling stages never stop, much to the detriment of the overall game enjoyment.

Battletoads in Battlemaniacs (U) [!]_00052

Another glaring flaw is when playing with two players, should any one of the players die, the game resets to the beginning of the stage. How is that fair? How is that a good idea? Answer: it’s not fair, and it’s not a good idea. It practically makes it unplayable with two because of that. Sigh, there’s just so much that they got wrong with this one.


This part was just BS, too. At first it’s manageable, but soon the screen speeds up and you essentially have no chance in hell but to experience a completely cheap death that relies mostly on luck. The screen scrolls way too fast and your sprite is way too big, leaving you little room to react as well as little wiggle room. A terrible combination that isn’t fun but rather incompetently designed. Stuff like this really detracts from the game.


The bonus stages are OK, though. I like riding across the reflective surface there. It’s got a cool look to it. And it’s fun trying to collect as many of the good pins as you can while avoiding the bad ones. I just wish there were more regular beat ‘em up levels.


The infamous air bike section is back. And it’s as hard as ever. I’m sorry but this just isn’t fun. It’s way too hard for its own good. I don’t mind a legitimately stiff challenge as long as it’s reasonably fair and well thought out. This is not. It’s just borderline over the top ridiculous.


Battletoads in Battlemaniacs received some amazing reviews when it came out over 23 years ago. EGM gave it scores of 9, 8, 8 and 8. GameFan rated it 94, 96, 99 and 99%. Wow. GameFan was notorious for handing out high scores like free condiments, and this is a pretty prime example of such. Two 99 scores for a game with its fair share of flaws — who knows what they were smoking back in the summer of ’93? Finally, Super Play Magazine scored it 80%.


Sorry, just not a fan...
Sorry, just not a fan…

Earlier this summer I finally sat down to play Battletoads in Battlemaniacs for really the first time. Sure, I’m certain I had played it here and there for five minutes back in the early-mid ’90s, but I don’t recall ever thoroughly playing it. Needless to say, being a fan of the NES original, I came into this with lofty expectations. Imagine my shock when this turned out to be one of the most disappointing Super Nintendo games I have ever played. It’s not the worst game. But in terms of disappointing? Sadly I have to say it ranks up there. After a decent first stage of good ol’ beat ‘em up action, the game decides for some absurd reason to turn into a scrolling gimmicky ride. I just want to move from left to right and punch anything that comes in my way.

At least it's two player...
At least it’s two player…

I can appreciate a game with a tough challenge. But when it crosses the line like it does here, it just feels wrong. This game simply didn’t sit well with me outside of its visuals and music. Honestly, this game reminds me of a sleazy bait and switch. I came in expecting NES Battletoads on steroids. And it starts out decently enough. But as soon as that bloody second level hits, the game takes off its mask and says, “HA! TRICKED YA! THANKS FOR THE FIFTY BUCKS, BITCHES!” I’ve played a ton of SNES games in the past quarter century. There are some bad games in that lot, for sure, but Battletoads in Battlemaniacs was the last game I expected to be this disappointing. Not sure if I would have liked it more back in 1993 (perhaps it’s aged very poorly), but this game is frustrating and broken. Not my idea of a good time or a game anywhere near deserving of a 99% or a 9 out of 10 score. If you like it, more power to ya. But this goes down as one of the most botched NES to SNES efforts I have ever seen. Oh well. Can’t win ‘em all. At least Battletoads & Double Dragon was somewhat playable and enjoyable…

Graphics: 8
Sound: 8
Gameplay: 4
Longevity: 4

Overall: 4.0

The Mask (SNES)

Pub and Dev: Black Pearl | Oct. '95 | 16 MEGS
Pub + Dev: Black Pearl Software | Oct. ’95 | 16 MEGS

It’s almost been 22 years since Jim Carrey’s The Mask hit theaters. It’s hard to believe it’s been that long. So many people remember the movie, but how many people remember the video game? Coming out toward the back end of the Super Nintendo’s life span, it came and went with little to zero fanfare. Is it a classic case of a game that has been wrongly overlooked, or is it an exhibit of a licensed effort that just isn’t very good? Let’s take a look and unmask the mystery [You’re fired -Ed.]


Jim Carrey could do no wrong in 1994
Jim Carrey simply could do no wrong in 1994

In 1994, Michael Jordan went to play baseball, Bill Clinton was accused of sexual harassment, and OJ Simpson killed his ex-wife and Ronald Goldman before taking off in a white Bronco down 91 Freeway [So not going there -Ed.]. And nobody could stop Jim Carrey. It was in ’94 that Carrey became a star with films such as Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, Dumb and Dumber, and THE MASK. He was Hollywood’s NEW golden boy, and the world was his oyster. Carrey’s 3 films grossed more than a total of 700 million worldwide. Most actors could only dream of half that success over an entire career, let alone one year! Of those films, The Mask is my favorite. Its wacky, over-the-top hero was perfectly portrayed and produced. And no one else could have brought the Mask character to life quite like Jim Carrey. My old gaming crew and I went to see the film in theaters on Saturday, July 30, 1994. I remember that fateful Saturday afternoon well. After all, when you’re 10, there’s nothing quite like seeing summer blockbusters with your best pals. It’s a childhood necessity as sure as riding roller coasters and navigating haunted houses.

Brings back nostalgic memories
Brings back nostalgic memories

When you were a kid, the words movie magic really meant something. There was a certain aura about going to the movies as a young child that can’t be replicated. You got swept up in the whole process. Of hopping into the old family van, staring at the movie titles gleaming on the marquee, gawking at the larger-than-life movie posters as you sidle over to the popcorn and candy section. Finally, entering the theater and seeing that humongous silver screen (remember how big it seemed when you were a kid?), and red plush seats that seemed to stretch on for miles and miles. It was all part of the magic of going to the movies.

Game is surprisingly faithful to the film
Game is surprisingly faithful to the film


A bit of interesting trivia: in the original comics, the Mask was created by an African tribe. But in the movie, it was made by Loki, the Norse God of mischief.

Damn, almost 22 years ago eh?
Damn, almost 22 years ago eh?
Jim Carrey plays mild-mannered bank clerk, Stanley Ipkiss
Jim plays mild-mannered bank clerk, Stanley Ipkiss
The film debut of Cameron Diaz (whew...)
The film debut of Cameron Diaz (whew…)
Every straight male's reaction
Every straight male’s reaction
I had a huge crush on the Pink Ranger BUT THIS...
I had a huge crush on the Pink Ranger BUT THIS…
Now that's what you call a bombshell. I was in love
Now that’s what you call a bombshell. I was in love
Tina Carlyle, you make my heart sing...
Tina Carlyle, you make my heart sing…
I was shakin' as much as Stanley was!
I was shaking as much as Stanley was!
Down on his luck, he's about make a grand discovery
Down on his luck, he’s set to make a big discovery
Many people live behind masks. Stanley literally
Many people live behind masks. Stanley, literally
It's no Jurassic Park but its CGI impressed me
It’s no Jurassic Park but its CGI impressed me


Hey this reminds me of something...
Hey this reminds me of something…
Goosebumps = the Harry Potter of the mid '90s
Goosebumps = the Harry Potter of the mid ’90s

Stanley turns into the Haunted Mask. Wait, no, sorry, that was Carly Beth. But true story, when I first saw the previews for the Mask, I thought it was a rip-off of R.L. Stine’s Haunted Mask. Little did I know then that the Mask started out as a comic book originally. If anything, Mr. Stine drew inspiration from the comic. Nevertheless, I LOVED me some Goosebumps back in the day!

As a kid the TV show gave me the heebie-jeebies
As a kid the TV show gave me the heebie-jeebies
Nor did Stanley turn into this. The '80s rocked
Nor did Stanley turn into this. The ’80s rocked


Make your way through Edge City's 7 levels
Make your way through Edge City’s 7 levels


The mallet is one of his many weapons
The mallet is one of his many weapons







And it’s been recreated perfectly here. Smash weak floors to open up new areas.

Or use it to crush things. It's equally satisfying
Or use it to crush things. It’s equally satisfying
How shall I approach this? Hmm...
How shall I approach this? Hmm…
Does this look like a face you can trust?
Does this look like a face you can trust?




OK… soooo… that didn’t work out too well. Hmm, let’s try a different strategy…

Brings back memories of DON'T WAKE DADDY!
Brings back memories of DON’T WAKE DADDY!
Low health? Don't wanna fight? Then tip-toe!
Low health? Don’t wanna fight? Then tip-toe!
Animation is a bit stiff
Animation is a bit stiff

The Mask has many special abilities. He can morph into a raging tornado, leap 20 feet in the air, or bust out his collection of firearms. The downside being that all of these special moves will quickly drain your Morph points. You’d do well to save them only for sticky situations. When faced against the regular bad guys throughout the game’s stages, you’ll most likely be punching them to oblivion. It doesn’t eat away at your Morph points, and it’s serviceable enough on the lower tier enemies. I wouldn’t dare suggest punching against the bosses though! The enemies as you can see here look a bit strange, and the animation is awkward.

[Yes, we all do. We ALL do... *looks at Steve* -Ed.]
[Yes, we all do. We ALL do… *looks at Steve* -Ed.]








Now to get around, besides breaking certain sections of the floor to create new playing space, you also move about through the usage of elevators and various teleport warps, like vents. The type of teleport depends on the stage’s theme. In the forest for example, you can teleport through the hollows in the trees.







I like the warping aspect. It puts a twist on things; this is definitely not your typical hop ‘n bop licensed platformer. Teleport points give the levels a decent maze-like feel. If nothing else, bonus points for attempting to be different.


You have 500 points for your health and Morph magic. Collect hearts to regain vitality. Collect M’s scattered throughout to boost back up your Morph points. Different special moves eat up a certain amount of points. Guns cost you 100, f’rinstance. Once you hit 0, it slowly replenishes to 50, similar to Earthworm Jim (Jim’s ammo crawls back to 100 after hitting 0). Nice of them to throw us a bone.

The game exaggerates this look even further
The game exaggerates this look even further
Cranky Shotgun Lady from the movie is the first boss
Cranky Shotgun Lady from the movie
Kids, do NOT try this at home
Kids, do NOT try this at home


They even capture his alien-like free fall look
They even capture his alien-like free fall look


[You might want to double check those lyrics... -Ed.]
[You might want to double check those lyrics… -Ed.]
What's in the bag there? Ever seen AUDITION...
What’s in the bag there? Ever seen AUDITION
Look, it's Milo the Wonder Dog!
Look, it’s Milo the Wonder Dog!
It definitely doesn't look like your typical SNES game
It definitely doesn’t look like a typical SNES game




It looks more like a Genesis game than SNES
It looks more like a Genesis game than SNES




It's nice to see GODZILLA making a special cameo!
Nice seeing GODZILLA make a special cameo!
See you later this month (SHIN GOJIRA 7.29.16)
See you later this month (SHIN GOJIRA 7.29.16)



Controversy reared its ugly head when Jim Carrey chose not to promote his role in the film Kick-Ass 2. With the recent Sandy Hook tragedy, Carrey felt the film was TOO violent and refused to promote it. It stirred some rumblings among his fellow cast members who had varying opinions on Carrey’s sudden change of heart. The movie certainly wasn’t too violent when he was getting paid big bucks for his role in the film. Needless to say, Carrey isn’t remembered for this particular masked role…

The Mask >>> Colonel Stars and Stripes
The Mask >>> Colonel Stars and Stripes


Film authenticity FTW. Well done, Black Pearl
Film authenticity FTW. Well done, Black Pearl






Electric grids must first be turned off by hitting a switch. Some of the switches are readily visible next to a grid while others are placed a ways away. In such cases, you have to hightail it. The switch is effective only for a short time. This requires precision and no wasted movement on your part.

Really, pal?  Well... THAT'S WHAT THEY ALL SAY!
Really, pal? Well… THAT’S WHAT THEY ALL SAY!
It eats up your Morph points in a hurry, though
It eats up your Morph points fast, though
Tasmanian Devil pillow easter egg FTW
Tasmanian Devil pillow easter egg FTW
We all know how this one ends for Bobby but Bobby
We all know how this ends for Bobby but Bobby
This boss is cheap as hell
This boss is cheap as hell




This level is not very fun. In fact, it’s kind of a pain. Multiple warp points during the long free falls will drive you mad, for instance. You know it’s bad when the game developers didn’t include a boss on this level — they knew just finding the exit was hard enough in and of itself. That’s really all you need to know…


Just like the film, the last fight takes place here
Just like the film, the last fight takes place here
Trying to squeeze into the vent can be maddening
Trying to squeeze into that vent can be annoying
Warp points gave the game a bit of a fun maze-like feel
Warp points gives it a bit of a fun maze-like feel
1994's most overused line. Thanks, MASK
1994’s most overused line. Thanks, MASK

“STANLEY! I knew you would come save me!”


“Yeah, alright, I know. Now quick, untie me!”

“I’m getting some funky ideas here, Tina…”

“WE CAN DO THAT LATER! But if Dorian –“









Game a little too hard for your liking? Wished you had infinite lives, health or morphing powers? Desire to skip stages? With this simple cheat, you can do all of that. SMOKIN’!


On his way to the top, Carrey collected fat stacks
Jim Carrey struck gold in 1994

The video game flew under the radar. EGM gave it scores of 6.5, 6.5, 6.5 and 7.5. The movie, however, was very well received. In 1994, The Mask became the second highest grossing superhero movie since BATMAN. Although it’s been outdone since ’94, The Mask remains a fan favorite among movie goers both young and old alike. Made on a budget of 23 million, it went on to gross more than 350 million worldwide. Siskel and Ebert gave it two thumbs up and listed it on their “Best of 1994″ list. That was a big year for Jim Carrey, as he starred in 3 films: Ace Ventura, Dumb and Dumber, and The Mask. But it was the latter that did the best both commercially and critically. The Mask launched Jim Carrey into superstardom, sending him through the stratosphere as a major Hollywood player. Along the way he collected a lot of big bucks. The Mask also launched previously unknown Cameron Diaz into a leading lady of the silver screen. She went on to have a huge film career for the next 20 years. Not bad, eh?



The movie: SMOKIN'! The SNES game: SO-SO!
The movie: SMOKIN’! The SNES game: SO-SO!

The Mask does a nice job of replicating the feel of the film. Some licensed titles take a lot of liberty, but that isn’t the case here. Because of this, the video game has a silly comic book like feel. It comes off very authentic, and you feel like you’re really “being” the Mask character, with all of his unique reality bending abilities. This is a major plus. However, on the downside, you have the visuals, which for a game released in late ’95, isn’t even up to 1992 SNES standards. THE MASK looks great and animates well, but the enemies are fugly and animate with the grace of a cardboard. I wish they spent more time on these characters as they clearly did with the Mask. The sound captures that cartoon-ish aspect of the Mask’s world nicely. The music is not anything to write home about.


The game plays decently enough, with some levels being executed better than others. It’s nice they tried something different other than the standard hop and bop that so many licensed games seemingly turn to. The Mask comes off as a weird hybrid of a beat ‘em up and an action platformer. The boss battles are limited, though, due to the IMMENSE size of the characters in the game. It doesn’t leave a lot of room for actual gameplay skills. It’s truly then just a matter of standing back and firing off all your special attacks until your Morph points hit 0. Using his boxing gloves is tough since he’s such a big target, plus the bosses have long ranged attacks. Thus, the boss battles are largely unsatisfying, and that’s a shame because some of the levels themselves can provide for a mindless hour of mild entertainment, with various warp points and being able to live out the Mask’s larger than life, over-the-top shenanigans. He’s a fun and charismatic creature to control. You could do far worse than The Mask as far as games on the Super Nintendo go, but there’s plenty better out there. All in all, this game is pretty much middle of the road. I wouldn’t go out of my way to actively look for a copy but if you come across it for 5 bucks or less, it’s not a bad add to your SNES collection… especially if you liked the film 20+ years ago.

Graphics: 5
Sound: 6
Gameplay: 5.5
Longevity: 5

Overall: 5.5


Yes Man (2008)
Yes Man (2008)

I wish you would step back from that ledge my friend.
You could cut ties with all the lies that you’ve been living in
And if you do not want to SEE ME AGAIN,
I would understand.

The angry boy, a bit TOO insane.
Icin’ over a secret pain.
You know you don’t belong.
You’re the first to fight; you’re way too loud.
You’re the flash of light on a burial shroud.
I know something’s wrong.
Well everyone I know has got a reason… to say,
I wish you would step back from that ledge my friend…
You could… cut ties with all the lies that you’ve been living in.
And if you do not want to SEE ME AGAIN…

[Wait just a damn second here. I saw this scene in a game before… -Ed.]

Nice role reversal
Nice role reversal

The Adventures of Hourai High (SNES)

Pub: J-Wing | Dev: Dynamite | April '96 | 8 MEGS
Pub: J-Wing | Dev: Dynamite | April ’96 | 8 MEGS

I fell in love with EarthBound after playing it for the first time back in November 2012. It was one of the best RPGs that I ever played. Wanting more, I searched online for similar titles. To my pleasant surprise, I discovered there was one on the SNES called The Adventures of Hourai High. It’s an obscure Japanese only RPG that can best be described as a mix of EarthBound and Final Fantasy V. Say no more. Take my money! Thankfully, the game’s dialogue has long since been fan translated from Japanese to English. Thanks to the effort of these good men, Westerners can now enjoy a visit to the wacky and nutty Hourai High School…


Earthbound fans will appreciate Hourai High's humor
EarthBound fans will appreciate Hourai High‘s humor

Just yesterday the Nintendo 64 and Mario 64 celebrated 20 years since both were first released in Japan. Dude, that just blows my mind. Where does the time go? Speaking of 20th Anniversaries, a couple months ago The Adventures of Hourai High turned 20 years old itself. I guess them crazy cats had their 20 year class reunion somewhere in Japan. Thinking about that makes me reminisce about my high school years. I just crossed the 15 year mark myself. Damn I’m getting old…

Its Final Fantasy V job system lets you join various clubs
Its Final Fantasy V job system lets you join many clubs


Ah, high school -- the formative years of our youth
Ah, high school — the formative years of our youth

Who doesn’t remember high school? From getting your driver’s license, your first job, or perhaps even your first girlfriend [or boyfriend -Ed.], those were the days of our youth. We formed friendships and learned life lessons. We also learned a little bit more about who we were going to be. Senior Prom, Grad Night, crappy group projects, the Senior Prank, cliques, clubs, crushes, awful school lunches, crappy teachers, cool teachers, and a whole lot of posturing to be cool and hip, especially with the “in-crowd.” High school now feels like ancient history to me, and while I feel college was a lot more important, it’s impossible to deny that high school has its place too. I was sort of a regular kid in high school. I wasn’t part of the “cool kids” group, but I wasn’t one of the dweebs that got bullied, either. I was good old Steve, the nice guy the girls liked (as their friend only, of course) and I hung out with other regular Joes who were right in the middle of the pecking order, so to speak. We had a good time, forged some good memories but when all was said and done, we sailed out into the sunset, never looking back sans the odd nostalgic moment here and there.

I'll never forget Judy -- my biggest high school crush
I’ll never forget Judy — my biggest high school crush

In terms of pecking order, I hit my peak during senior year. I started branching out from my friends, taking classes that interested me (such as creative writing and acting) which helped to develop my confidence. I also landed my first job at the local Blockbuster, and my employee perk of being able to get 5 free movies a week suddenly made little ole me a man in demand. Many nights I would see a lot of my cute senior classmates stroll in and I would take advantage of the opportunity by chatting with them as I rung them up. My biggest crush was easily Judy. She was the prom queen of our school. The girl was smoking hot. I always felt like we shared a great rapport. Somehow Lady Luck had it that we sat next to each other in a couple classes. I’d call Judy many nights to exchange class notes before talking about random topics for a little bit. This was back in the day when cell phones had yet to explode in popularity, so I had Judy’s house number. I wanted her email so I could directly connect with her — sometimes it felt a little awkward to have to talk to her mom or dad first. Unfortunately she was dating a jock at the time and so I was left daydreaming.

Steph was cool but jeez, I was quite the homework helper
Steph was cool. Hope she’s well wherever she is

Yearbooks were passed out the week of our Graduation. I remember that last week of my senior year fondly. Passing yearbooks around, signing them for your buddies and everyone feeling excited about the future. Many felt as though we had the world at the tip of our fingers. That youthful optimism that only comes when you’re 17 almost ready to graduate and head off to college. I had never told Judy how much I enjoyed our friendship. I decided to tell her in my yearbook signing. We exchanged yearbooks at lunch and I went to work. I hoped she’d somehow include her email in my yearbook. Finally, we exchanged again and I walked home anxious to read what she had wrote. I’ll never forget the feeling of butterflies soaring in the pit of my stomach when I cracked my yearbook open to read what Judy had written. Was she going to pour out her soul to me as well?

*fist pump*
*fist pump*

I never felt so high and light in my life before. My biggest high school crush read my mind. She not only gave me her email address but asked me to hang out with her as well. Life was good. Thanks for the memories, Judy.


I was lucky to buy these two just months before Timewalk folded
Their work was high quality indeed

Timewalk was a famous little fan company within the retro gaming community. They once sold beautiful repro games and some of them even had gorgeous boxes and manuals. Before they closed shop in early 2014 I was fortunate enough to buy the boxes and manuals of Gunman’s Proof and The Adventures of Hourai High. Man I’m glad I did. I always meant to buy more of their SNES box/manual sets but sadly never got around to it before they unexpectedly closed. Timewalk boxes nowadays go for a pretty penny as they’re now officially a limited quantity.

This "diary" manual was a bit... creepy
This diary manual was a bit… creepy

Timewalk’s products are amazing but the manual to Adventures of Hourai High deserves a special shout-out. Designed by member JM, this 44-page booklet was written in composition notebook form. It’s written from the perspective of the female protagonist. Recall that you can play as either a male or female. It makes sense that they chose to write the manual from a female perspective since high school girls are more prone to journaling. There are no how-to instructions in this diary. Instead, it’s a full-blown account of her times at Hourai High from the moment she arrives, April 1st, to nearly a year later on March 25th. The entries are written from a 16 year old female’s point of view — all of the dairy entries are downright emo. It totally fits and I commend JM for the incredible effort. Even more impressive, JM used actual facts from the game that players will quickly pick up on. It sort of adds another layer to the whole experience.

That drawing reminds me of something...
That drawing reminds me of something…


As does this...
As does this…


There's even a touch of the occult at Hourai High. Heebie-jeebies!
There’s even a touch of the occult at Hourai High
Kinda gives one the heebie-jeebies!
Kinda gives one the heebie-jeebies!



























Richard Vernon from the 1985 classic The Breakfast Club
Richard Vernon from The Breakfast Club (1985)



Best subtitle ever
Best subtitle ever
Choose between using a guy or girl
Choose between using a guy or girl
Here's a tip noob: Roku is the type to hold grudges
Here’s a tip: Roku is the type to hold grudges
[Hmm, I notice you do a lot of "research" -Ed.]
[Hmm, I notice you do a lot of “research” -Ed.]
The modern setting helps differentiate it from fantasy RPGs
The modern setting helps set it apart from most RPGs
What did I say about Roku eh?



He should be more upset about that stupid haircut!
He should be more upset about that stupid haircut!
It even apes EarthBound's font. A lovely touch indeed
It even apes EarthBound‘s font. A lovely touch indeed
Meet Daichi, your fellow comrade. At times a little TOO loyal
Meet your super loyal comrade, Daichi
High school urban legends? Check
High school urban legends? Check




And I shall call it... hmm, ah yes, WEIRD SCIENCE...
And I shall call it… hmm, ah yes, WEIRD SCIENCE









Dude, we just escaped an infested sewer!
Dude, we just barely escaped an infested sewer!
UM NO, nope... I h-haven't s-seen a-any gh-ghosts around here...
“Uh, I haven’t s-seen any gh-ghosts around here…”

[Lemme guess. Research again, right? -Ed.]
[Lemme guess. Research again, right? -Ed.]




You an carry guns and knives at Hourai High
You can carry guns and knives at Hourai High
I" said CRIPES. Jeez, just coz I'm black!"
“I said CRIPES. Jeez, just coz I’m black…”
Do NOT want to backtrack here. TRUST ME
Do NOT want to backtrack here. TRUST ME
Sure, why not. Robots at Hourai High too
Sure, why not. Robots at Hourai High too


Shin means new right? Good, coz you need a new haircut
Shin means new — good coz ya need a new haircut
The only SNES RPG to feature an African American
The only SNES RPG to feature an African American
[Chihaya, you're not the first lady to say that... -Ed.]
[You’re not the first lady to say that… -Ed.]
So girls can go to boys' dorm but not vice versa? Oh it's Hinako
Hinako is that girl you love to hate



OK, NOW I have officially seen it all
OK, NOW I have officially seen it all


"We're tryin' to attract 'em, not scare 'em away!"
“We’re tryin’ to attract ‘em, not scare ‘em away!”


Poor Hinako. She's such a good sport...
Poor Hinako. She’s such a good sport…
“Way to put me on the spot. Well, let’s see…”
Good call, Steve. Good call
Good call, Steve. Good call

What other SNES RPG celebrates your birthday eh?
What other SNES RPG celebrates your birthday eh?
Get a little BDAY boost!
Get a little BDAY boost!
"Stop coming into my room. It was only ONE night Hinako!"
“Quit barging in. It was only ONE night OK!”
Wait, is that same bitch who threw you out?
Wait, is that same bitch who threw you out?



Yeah, sometimes Daichi is TOO loyal...
Yeah, sometimes Daichi is TOO loyal…
Great idea! Let's split up. It always works in scary movies
Let’s split up. It always works in scary movies
[I need that tree -Ed.]
[I need that tree -Ed.]
Miss Adachi, your homeroom teacher, is quite the looker
Ms. Adachi, the homeroom teacher, is quite a looker
"Do you have a bridge I can buy too?"
“Do you have a bridge I can buy too?”
Whoa, some creepazoid be watching you sleep...
Whoa, some creepazoid watchin’ you sleep…
Well that escalated quickly
Well that escalated quickly


Save this unkempt savage and he'll join your team
Save this little savage and he’ll join the team
If you thought Mitsurin was odd, check out this guy!
Thought Mitsurin was odd? Check out this guy
He has a name and he also talks. OK...
He has a name and he also talks. OK…
There are no words to describe this
There are no words to describe this


Love the feeling of finding keys in an RPG
Love the feeling of finding keys in an RPG
What evil lies behind this door? Play it to find out
What evil lies beyond? Play it to find out…
Remember how satisfying it was gliding down these ropes?
The jungle chapter reminded me of this
A case of deja vu
Talk about a case of deja vu

The jungle is probably my favorite chapter in the game. I love how Hourai High uses a modern backdrop, but throws in more exotic locales such as this wild jungle. It’s similar to what EarthBound did to keep the journey fresh as well as exciting. Here in the jungle you’ll encounter all sorts of untamed savages ready to devour your party whole. I enjoyed all chapters of Hourai High but I like the jungle one most because it captures what the FIELD TRIP FROM HELL would be like. Good times. Or rather, bad times? Ah you get my drift.


Its sense of humor is sure to make you smile
Its sense of humor is sure to make you smile
New amusingly strict rules are declared every so often
New amusingly strict rules are posted every so often
I know we bonded on that Africa trip, but come on!
“I know we bonded on that Africa trip, but c’mon!”


Roku ain't letting it go
Roku ain’t letting it go



This robot reminds me of the one from Breath of Fire


Each new rule get crazier and crazier
Each new rule get crazier and crazier
Poor Daichi and his weak bladder. Kid is screwed
Poor Daichi and his weak bladder. Kid is screwed
"Ah sorry! Sometimes I take things literally..."
“Ah sorry! Sometimes I take things literally…”
In terms of oddness, only EarthBound can rival it
In terms of oddness, only EarthBound can rival it


Quit laughing! Don't you see this isn't funny. It's sick!
“Quit laughing! This isn’t funny — this is sick!”
Hell yeah, Hourai High shows that you can stick it to the man!
Hell yeah, stick it to the man!




Alright let's all calm down now
“Alright pal, let’s all calm down now…”
What the ...
What the …
Light-colored text reveals people's real thoughts
Light color text reveals people’s real thoughts
Ugh, you don't leave without getting an answer!
Ugh, you don’t leave without getting an answer!
Is that scotch I smell there, Santa?
Is that scotch I smell there, Santa?
There are many Santa workers; you have to suss out the right one
Imposters galore. But only one real Santa
I love how she loses her sanity more day by day, week by week...
Slowly losing her sanity day by day, week by week…


Secret of Mana (1993)
Secret of Mana (1993)
This is NOT how you treat a starfish! It is extremely unbecoming!
“NOT cool. It’s extremely unbecoming!”
What attending Hourai High for 6 months will do to ya
Yep, she’s lost it now
Ninjas... always ruining Christmas
Ninjas… always ruining Christmas
Click like, comment, subscribe, donate...
Click like, comment, subscribe, donate…
WHAT!?!  No, he doesn't. I mean, no, we've never.... YOU KNOW!
“WHAT!?! I have no recollection of this…”
Each month (chapter) ends with an interesting newspaper article
Each month ends with a newspaper article
On second thought, being with you kids... make that any second!
“Being with you kids… make that any second!”
Who knows what strange beasts dwell in these deadly caves?
What strange beasts dwell in these deadly caves?


That's just... wrong
That’s just… wrong

Looks serious. Could be a revolt!  [Or lunch -Ed.]
Looks serious. Could be a revolt! [Or lunch -Ed.]

"Uhhh guys... I have a bad feeling about this..."
“Uhhh guys… I have a bad feeling about this…”


Street Fighter II (1991)
Street Fighter II (1991)


Gamera vs. Zigra (1971)
Gamera vs. Zigra (1971)


Trilogy of Terror (1975)
Trilogy of Terror (1975)
The game's art style is loaded with character
The game’s art style is loaded with character
"There's a reason why we call you HIGH-nako..."
“There’s a reason we call you HIGH-nako…”





[Oops. But it’s OK, only like 6 people read this site -Ed.]













A childhood classic
A childhood classic

One of the best things about elementary school was receiving the latest book order. Remember circling all the book titles you wanted and getting your parents to buy most of them? It was a much easier sales pitch than a video game on account of being far cheaper and educational. Best of all, that magical morning you come into the classroom and find a stack of brand new books sitting atop your desk! Sure, it might not have been as wondrous as getting a video game on Christmas morning, but then again, as a kid what was? Seeing new books on your desk was still pretty damn cool. And while my love for the Goosebumps series has been well documented, one of my absolute favorites was easily Sideway Stories From Wayside School. It told the wacky tales of a zany school that was constructed 30 stories high! Featuring an evil teacher, Mrs. Gorf, each chapter highlighted a different student. The stories were beyond bizarre. My favorite was the chapter “Stephen.” Because it had my name (well, close enough) AND it was based on my favorite holiday as a kid: Halloween. Stephen also gets the best of Mrs. Gorf. I remember living vicariously through him. It was a reminder that even a little brave kid could stand up to a big mean adult.

As a kid I believed that Louis Sachar wrote this chapter for me
Louis Sachar clearly wrote this chapter for me
Subsequent inferior sequels followed and uh, 'jumped the shark'
Inferior sequels followed and jumped the shark…


Far from a perfect 4.0 GPA...
Far from a perfect 4.0 GPA…

There’s no denying the game’s humor and charm. However, a few key flaws keep it from being great. The biggest flaw? Equipping better armor and weapons seem to make NO difference at all. How Dynamite missed this is baffling, but this was the only game they ever developed, so take that for what it’s worth. So then this game is super hard right? Wrong. It’s actually very easy, even with this flaw. Your characters do level up, so their strength does increase, and that helps. You just can’t increase your strength by equipping a stronger weapon, so it makes armor and weapon buying useless, which is a shame as that’s part of the fun. So even though you can earn a variety of cool skills from all the various clubs you’ll join, it really doesn’t make a dent in the gameplay much in the end, as battles are so easy the only strategy consists of spamming the attack button (or use auto battle). The next major flaw: there are some game crashing bugs. I’ll highlight some below. Fortunately, on my playthrough, I avoided the bugs and thus was able to see the game through. Finally, the enemy encounter rate is ridiculously high. Sometimes you can’t take 4 steps it seems without a random battle occurring. Thus, it can drag the game down a bit. Thank God for that auto battle option.

It's a shame that buying new weapons and armor is not necessary
No need to buy new weapons and armor
Use Hinako's GUST skill at your own discretion...
Don’t use Hinako’s GUST skill. Just don’t
If you leave here and come back, the game may crash
If you leave here and come back, the game crashes
You get ridiculously bombarded by bad guys constantly
The enemy encounter rate is ridiculously high
Hmmm, I got a Senior Prank in mind...
Hmmm, I got a Senior Prank in mind…
Love the Lego Duplo look of the characters
Love the Lego Duplo look of the characters

Like I said, there are some flaws that one just cannot overlook. Having said that, now let’s talk about the positives. Visually, it’s got a very clean and unique look. The characters look great. Enemies and the various locales have a good deal of detail. The music is surprisingly well done for a company who only made one game. Lots of catchy tunes that range from frenetic and upbeat to soothing and relaxing, like a cool summertime breeze. There are many friends to make, many playable characters to try and many different clubs you can join to earn a myriad of offensive and defensive skills. You can partake in up to 3 clubs at once and you are free to switch out whenever you like.

There are so many people you can recruit!
There are so many people you can recruit!
The "Friend Point" was a neat little system
The “Friend Point” was a neat little system

You also earn Friend Points after a fight. Distribute it as you wish. After maxing out one’s Friend Points, that character becomes your best bud. You then unlock certain special skills and moves. Pretty cool stuff.

If you love (zany) RPGs, Hourai High is worth a visit
If you love (zany) RPGs, Hourai High is worth a visit



[Touché -Ed.]
[Touché -Ed.]
It took me 30 hours to beat this game. I will definitely play through it a second time at some point down the road, and use the female protagonist next time. I’d like to thank the translating crew over at Aeon Genesis, who made this fan translation possible. A job well done, AG!

EarthBound fans will likely enjoy this too
EarthBound fans will likely enjoy this game too


"Not exactly a welcome mat, is it?"
“Not exactly a welcome mat now, is it?”

Adventures of Hourai High will take you back to high school in some ways, but it’s also far beyond anything anyone ever experienced in high school. Yes, you’ll make buddies (even to varying degrees), join clubs and learn different skills, and even forge a few enemies but if it stopped there it’d be boring. Here, you’ll go on the adventure of a lifetime. Everywhere from rancid sewers to wild jungles to spooky demonic temples. Along the journey there’s plenty of charm thanks in large part to its amusing dialogue and all the wacky characters who inhabit its kooky world. It’s like high school, only taken to the very extreme, with a very peculiar Japanese touch that ONLY the Japanese can offer. If that sounds like a good time to you then I’m sure you’ll enjoy it — warts and all — like I have!


Adventures of Hourai High exudes charm and humor in spades. And that’s the best quality it has going for it. Where it falls short in execution, it excels in charming the pants off ya. All the strange characters that you meet, the diverse locales you’ll travel to and all the weird enemies you battle, not to mention the amusing dialogue, makes you press on in spite of its flaws. It’s one of the most endearing video games I’ve ever experienced. If you’re willing to look beyond the rough edges (high enemy encounter rate and broken weapon system), there’s a wonderful adventure lying underneath. This game made me smile constantly. It’s loaded with personality and heart. It’s too bad Dynamite didn’t iron out the kinks because this could have been a real gem. Still, it’s one of those rare games where in spite of its glaring flaws there’s something about it compels you forward. Who knew an RPG based around high school teenage life could be so addicting? If you can bear its missteps, this is one high school definitely worth visiting.

Graphics: 7.5
Sound: 8.5
Gameplay: 7
Longevity: 7

AwardOverall: 7.5
Bronze Award

EarthBound (SNES)

Pub: Nintendo | Dev: Ape | June '95 | 24 MEGS
Pub: Nintendo | Dev: Ape | June ’95 | 24 MEGS

One of the most notorious games from the vast Super Nintendo library is without a doubt EarthBound. Released 21 years ago, it stood out in the crowd of RPGs by having a contemporary setting, a zany sense of humor, and a very unique style. And as the years passed, the game grew in demand, popularity and reverence. So much that some people would even tell you that the game has been overhyped beyond belief. In 2012, I finally got to play through EarthBound. It was an adventure the likes of which I’ll remember FOREVER.


The SNES market has skyrocketed in recent years
The SNES market has skyrocketed in recent years

When I got back into the Super Nintendo scene 10 years ago in early 2006, the games were still quite cheap. I picked up titles like Ninja Gaiden Trilogy, Castlevania: Dracula X, Aero Fighters, Mega Man X³, and EarthBound each for $40 or less. No such luck doing that today! It boggles the mind how crazy expensive these old games are now. Back in 2006, EarthBound didn’t carry the mainstream reputation it would later gain in recent years. It was just another game I’d never played back in the day but was now interested in doing so. I never imagined in my wildest dreams that the game would become the monster that it is today. It makes me wonder how much these games will command 5 to 10 years from now. All I know for sure — I’m glad I got in when I did and got out before the market went sky high. Life is truly about timing, and a little lady luck never hurts too!



Ah, back when life was carefree and innocent
Nelly and I had our own version of Friday Night Lights

As a kid UFOs fascinated me. Alien beings that lived far above us in the outer reaches of space. The idea that intelligent (and possibly menacing) creatures living above us is mystifying. Growing up, I would scan the skies late at night with my binoculars hoping to see something, yet at the same time dreading the possibility that something might see me back. My best friend Nelson and I became obsessed; we even had the odd “sky stakeout” here and there. While it may sound a bit sad, there are worse ways to spend an evening than to hang out with your best friend shooting the breeze and scanning the skies while sharing a pepperoni pizza. We never saw anything, not even once, but I think Nelson and I both silently understood that we used it as an excuse to veg out on a Friday night after a long school week. About once a month we’d bust out the lawn chairs, set our piping hot Totino’s pizza on the little table outside, kick back and talk about our crushes on Jenny and Elaine, video games and anything monster-related while staring out at the beautiful early evening sky. Munching on cheesy carbs and sipping on fizzy soda, Nelly and I would gaze up at the sky talking the night away. We’d stay outside so late that his mom would flip the back porch light on. Those “stakeout” Friday evenings have stuck with me all these years later. Time marches on, but I still recall those lazy nights vividly.

They're out there...
They’re out there…

The best thing about UFOs for me was the idea that they could be anywhere. The Loch Ness Monster was confined to Scotland, Bigfoot could only lurk in the woods, but aliens could be anywhere. The idea that they could be watching you at any time was all part of the fun of believing in them as a kid. And the fact that aliens could be whatever you wanted them to be. Maybe friendly and precocious like E.T., or deadly and malicious, or just advanced and neutral. They were whatever you made them out to be. EarthBound is awesome for a myriad of reasons. One being they took a lot of my childhood interests and crammed them into one epic RPG. Nessie, Bigfoot, aliens, dinosaurs, zombies — EarthBound strikes a certain childhood chord with me no other video game ever has.

Goonies meets Peanuts meets The Wonder Years
GooniesPeanuts + The Wonder Years + Dragon Quest



An all-American kid living in an all-American town, Ness is proof that there lies a hero deep inside each one of us. He’s the kid next door, with a loving mom, a plucky sister and a workaholic but extremely generous dad. One minute Ness is living a basic ordinary life, but when the meteorite crashes, everything changes. An alien believes Ness to be the chosen one with the power to alter cosmic events. A nice all-around character with a good balance of speed, IQ, offensive power and psychic ability. His weapon of choice is a baseball bat. This journey will drain and test Ness at every step of the way. He enters it as a kid, but one way or another, he’s going to leave it a man.


Remember your Winnie Cooper growing up? You know, your biggest childhood crush? That’s kinda the role one might initially think Paula plays, but there’s so much more to her. Try incredible psychic powers and one mean frying pan. Paula loves to scramble eggs, if you get my drift. She doesn’t mind rolling up her sleeves and getting her hands dirty. Hailing from Twoson, her mother runs the Polestar Preschool. Paula’s the first one to join you on your epic quest, and you must rescue her from the clutches of an evil cult called the Happy Happy Village, led by Mr. Carpainter. Being one in touch with her spiritual side, Paula can pray in a pinch. I renamed her as Jenny, based on my own Winnie Cooper growing up.


No healthy childhood would be complete without the aid and presence of a best friend. While Jeff is not touted as Ness’ best pal, I like to think of him as such. The mechanical genius of the team, Jeff is son to a famous scientist. It shows, as he can use machines and gadgets that no one else on the team can. He also has a knack for repairing broken devices, which proves to be invaluable. While he doesn’t possess any psychic ability, Jeff makes up for it with his tremendous knowledge of being able to fashion great weapons out of broken items. He might be a little weak offensively, but his IQ is critical to the group’s success. I renamed him Nelly, in honor of my childhood best friend, Nelson.


The mysterious prince from the East (Dalaam to be precise) is the third and final friend to join you in your quest. Being the oldest member of the group, plus possessing that ever so mysterious charm of being from somewhere far, far away, Poo has great physical, mental and spiritual strength. One of his best talents is the magic ability to assume the shape of an enemy attacker (known as Mirror). Trained in ancient martial arts, this mystical fighter is a much welcomed addition when he finally enters the fray a decent way into the game. He is a bit of a ladies’ man, too, which gives his character an interesting layer to say the least. I renamed Poo to be Sushi-X, in honor of a family friend growing up who, much like Poo, was older than I was and had sort of a mythical aura about him. Everyone in my gaming group called him Sushi-X because he loved EGM and Street Fighter II.





Sunday, 2 PM, the first day of summer
Sunday, 2 PM, the first day of summer

It’s another idyllic sunny day in the small, sleepy town of Onett. Turning off your Super Nintendo, you grab your bike and head off for your weekly paper route. You’ve been working hard to save up enough to buy that new Super Nintendo RPG EarthBound. Hell, you’re so ambitious you even ride out as far as Twoson. You certainly don’t mind it, as there’s nothing like riding your 10 speed bicycle, the wind whipping against your face, that open road ahead. For that small window of time, you’re a free man. Riding out to Twoson was always a bit of an adventure. You could almost feel the whiskers kicking in. Times have changed now. Kids aren’t allowed to go out alone anymore… but back then… this was our life. Besides, it was in Twoson where your crush, Jenny, resides. You’ve stalked, uhhh, I mean, seen her working around the preschool whenever you passed by. You never had any houses on that block of town, but that never did stop you from willingly and happily taking the scenic route.


Having hand-delivered the odd paper or two to Orange Kid, you’ve developed a bit of a relationship with him. He is Twoson’s infamous inventor, well, one of the two. The other is Apple Kid but no one likes him. Orange Kid on the other hand is a chick magnet. After all, ya can’t compare apples to oranges… [har har -Ed.]. Being that you’re Steve, and NOT such a ladies’ man, you decide to stop by today for a bit of advice on how to win hearts and be more than just another sappy shoulder to cry on. Normally busy, Orange Kid is in a very giving mood today — he spends the better part of an hour divulging some insider tips that’s sure to make even Steve a certified G and a bonafide stud. Rejuvenated, you spend the next couple hours over at the flea market in Burglin Park and Twoson’s pride, MACH PIZZA. Sure, Onett’s Burger Barn is 5-star quality according to their 275 Yelp reviews and counting, but Onett’s not exactly known for its pizza. It’s just another reason why you never complain when it’s time to ride over to Twoson. But you never share this with Orange Kid, fearing that he just might laugh at you if he ever knew the real reason.

Seven hours later...
Seven hours later…

BLINK BLINK. Your eyes open slowly as you realize you fell asleep in Burglin Park. The once inviting sunshine has withered, giving way to a cold, bleak darkness. Mom’s probably worried but this is the mid ’90s when kids could get away with such things. Your bicycle still safely beside you, you hop on and bound homeward.

A cool breeze flows through your hair
A cool breeze flows through your hair

Good old home. It’s your haven. Even though your dad isn’t around, you have almost everything you could want. Sure, you got annoying neighbors, but hey nothing’s perfect. As you head out of Twoson and back to Onett, you beam ear to ear having learned some of Orange Kid’s secrets of the trade. There’s no way Jenny can resist you now.

On THIS night, something incredible is about to happen...
On THIS night, something incredible is about to happen…

By now the sleepy town of Onett has been entirely devoured by darkness. An eerie stillness settles over the suburb, sending a chill up your spine. What once stood as an assuring sight during the day has turned into something sinister in the night. But crime has always been so low that no one really pays mind to anything bad happening in this quaint quiet town. Of course, we all know that’s how it usually starts out…

Jenny I got your number! 867-5309...
Jenny I got your number! 867-5309…

Being an invincible kid ripe off acquiring the fortified knowledge of the players’ handbook, you’ve got not a single care in the world as you come bounding down the all too familiar sight of the suburbs. Closing your eyes and dreaming of your beloved crush, Jenny, you have no idea that a terrible terror is about to overtake your quiet, sleepy town. And thrust you toward a hellacious voyage that will see you ultimately fulfilling your God-given destiny…

They're here...
They’re here…

Meanwhile, somewhere in Onett, a woman wakes up in a pool of her own sweat. A loud bang outside her bedroom sends shivers down her spine. It’s coming from the den. Frightened, she clutches the blanket to her chest while listening in the darkness… silence. Then suddenly, RAP RAP RAP. Someone or SOMETHING wants in. Cautiously tip-toeing her way to the bedroom door, a dark, shadowy and twisty figure appears from behind her…









Time to do some investigating...
Time to do some investigating…
"Yes sir, going home pronto..."
“Yes sir, going home pronto…”
"What the hell!"
“What the hell!”

After “going home pronto” (AKA sneaking about), you find your annoying neighbor, Pokey, poking around in police business. Whatever’s happening here tonight has to be huge, and you’re not gonna miss it for the world.

OPD is clearly top of the line
OPD — clearly top of the line officers

“Officer, sir, if you don’t mind just letting me slip through here. I have a friend I need to check up on.”

“Sorry kiddo, no can do. I’ve been given strict orders from the chief not to let anyone pass through, and that especially includes punk kids such as yourself.”

“Okaaaay… how about this nice glazed donut, then?”

“GAH! Alright kid, you’ve got five minutes but ONLY five, you hear?!”


“Hey, who let this punk kid through?”

“Steve! Boy am I glad to see you. Something strange is going on…”

“Alright, enough! You bastards get on out of here!”

Atop the hill, as the police drag you away like a rag doll, you catch a glimpse of a fallen meteor. Rubbing your eyes in disbelief, you wonder if it’s just a dream.

Stagger to bed like Otis Campbell on a Saturday night
Stagger to bed like Otis Campbell on a Saturday night

Mom knows best. One look at your kisser and nothing else needs to be said. Still shaking, you saunter to your bedroom. But before you can replay the night’s events in your mind, your head hits the soft, cool pillow and you fall into a deep sleep…



Well I'll be damned. Or rather, oh my land!
Well I’ll be damned. Or rather, oh my land!






The boys set off…

“There’s my bro, Picky! Quick, Steve, save him! Or else my parents are gonna let me have it!”

“Wait, why am I helping you again?”

“Because you’re Steve, an all around good guy!”

“Oh, of course. Damn, it’s a curse to be this kindhearted and good looking.”

Buddy: Master, I don’t think Pokey said good looking but whatever


Upon arriving at the top they come within 15 feet of the meteor. The air is hot and humid; you can still see steam coming from its core…

“Umm, you go on ahead and grab him, Steve.”

“What! He’s your brother. You go fetch him.”

“No, I think I’m good. I’m with Buddy. Right here is good for me.”

“Fine. You pansy.”


A mysterious and booming voice suddenly fills the hot night air
A mysterious voice suddenly fills the hot night air
It’s the voice! “If you build it, he will come”

On their trek home, the boys are stopped dead in their tracks when Star Man Jr., one of Giygas’ nefarious henchmen, appears out of nowhere to confront the 3 boys. Luckily, Buzz Buzz, the source of the voice, is by your side. Protecting the crew with his psychic shield, our hero is able to defeat Star Man Jr. After which, Buzz Buzz warns them the worst is yet to come but he has faith. Legend has it 3 boys and a girl are destined to save the universe. Buzz Buzz believes you are one of those 3 brave, young warriors.





In his dying breath, Buzz Buzz gives our hero the Sound Stone. “To defeat Giygas, your own power must unite with that of earth.” Our hero sets off to visit 8 sanctuaries to record the sound of each with the Sacred Stone. First stop? The infamous Giant Step!

During the pilgrimage you will run across many interesting cats
During the quest you’ll meet many interesting cats
Growing up and a loss of innocence is one of the central themes
Growing up and lost innocence is a central theme
With its unique look and zany humor, it's one of a kind
With its unique look and zany humor, it’s one of a kind

It truly is. Combining a modern setting with your typical suburban town in Anytown USA, any kid who ever grew up in a sleepy suburb in America can instantly relate. From the moment the game began, I knew right away I was in for one magical, epic journey.

There’s been some major hate dumped on the crude visuals of the game… but I personally love the look. They are INTENTIONALLY retro-fied. I like to think of it as 12-bit… it’s not quite 8-bit NES yet it’s not quite 16-bit. It’s just EarthBound.

Right?! Brings back a fond childhood memory or two
Right?! Brings back a fond childhood memory or two
Wait a second, I've seen this somewhere in a movie...
Wait a second, I’ve seen this somewhere in a movie…
The Purge. Here's Fat Frank after DDP Yoga
The Purge. Here’s Fat Frank after DDP Yoga
And his creepy robot. Purge makers EarthBound fans?
And his creepy robot. Purge makers EarthBound fans?



While whimsical, it also carries some dark mature themes
While whimsical, it also carries some mature themes
[It's FUZZY PICKLES, damnit -Ed.]
[It’s FUZZY PICKLES, damnit -Ed.]
NPCs made exploring the various towns plenty of fun
NPCs made exploring the various towns very fun
Alright, let's see if they got the latest Goosebumps...
OK let’s see if they got the latest Goosebumps



“I’D BUY THAT FOR A DOLLAR!” -Bixby Snyder

EarthBound was meta before meta became chic
EarthBound was meta before meta became chic
[Someone say Street Sharks? JAWESOME -Ed.]
[Someone say Street Sharks? JAWESOME -Ed.]
It draws you in, like a good book or movie!
It draws you in, like a good book or movie!
You must beat TITANIC ANT to get the first Sound Stone
Beat Titantic Ant to get the first Sound Stone
Then record the first of 8 melodies with the Sound Stone
Then use it to record the first of 8 melodies


Breaking the 4th wall again :D
Breaking the 4th wall… again :-D
"Oh. did he have a mohawk?"  "Uh NO. But he wore a red hat"
“He had a mohawk?” “Uh NO. But he wore a red hat”


By the time I grab my books,
And I give myself a look,
I’m at the corner just in time to see the bus fly by!
It’s alright ’cause I’m saved by the bell!
If the teacher pops a test,
I know I’m in a mess,
And my dog ate all my homework last night,
Ridin’ low in my chair,
She won’t know that I’m there,
If I can hand it in tomorrow, it’ll be all right!
It’s alright, ’cause I’m saved by the bell!




It's refreshing to play an RPG so bonkers
It’s refreshing to play an RPG so bonkers

[On my favorite RPGs list I rank this at... #2... -Ed.]
[On my favorite RPGs list I rank this at… #2… -Ed.]


Evokes memories of Peanuts...
“Damn Google put me out of business!”  *grumbles*


Wait, who is Mr. X?!
A badass prince (and ladies' man) from a mountain village
More on Mr. X in a bit…
If your humor is offbeat, you'll be right at home
If your humor is offbeat, you’ll be right at home
It made the surroundings feel more intimate
It made the surroundings feel more intimate


Aliens, ghosts, zombies, Nessie AND dinosaurs?!  Yes
It appeals to the 10-year-old inside each of us



The "Cat Sewer Eyes" haunted my childhood...
The “Cat Sewer Eyes” haunted my childhood…

When we were kids, my parents used to drive me and my bro to the Gaming Crew’s neck of the woods. About an hour into the drive we would pass by these sewers covered by giant “cat masks.” It was big enough that my bro and I could spot it clearly even from the freeway hundreds of feet away. I’d always wondered what the hell they were doing there. The cats became a trademark sight that my bro and I would always point to anytime our parents drove us by. This part of EarthBound brought back buried memories of those bizarre giant sewer cat masks…





From suburbia to the far east we go thanks to some Magic Cake!
Magic Cake takes ya from suburbia to the far east
Poo completes your party, adding a certain mystique to the group
Poo adds a certain mystique to the group

You are introduced to the 4th and final player of your party, Poo, or in this case, Mr. X. He’s a smooth cat prince living in the palatial mountain village of Dalaam. Take X on a life-altering quest to gain the power of wisdom, valor and patience as you karate chop and decimate all obstacles blocking you from enlightenment. After all, you simply can’t beat a hideous alien force without the pivotal aid of a badass martial artist who hails from a far away land, can you? Well, maybe, but it sure as hell wouldn’t be nearly as fun.

I love the aesthetics of Dalaam
I love the aesthetics of Dalaam
Sushi-X was, purportedly, a ladies' man. Key word is purportedly
Sushi-X was, purportedly, a ladies’ man. Purportedly

Sushi-X was a cat that ran in my gaming group back in the day. He was older than most of us and he always walked around with this certain aura of mystique. In many ways I looked up to him as a kid growing up. We affectionately nicknamed him Sushi-X for his affection of EGM and Street Fighter II, just like the infamous Sushi-X persona on the old EGM review crew. Unfortunately the game didn’t allow me to fit in “Sushi-X” so I went for the next best thing: “Mr. X.”

Remember how satisfying it was gliding down these ropes?
It felt so satisfying gliding down these ropes!



Read "Summer of Imports" for more on Nelly
Read “Summer of Imports” for more on Nelly
Story of my life...
Story of my life…
No '80s child can ever forget LITE-BRITE
No ’80s child could ever forget LITE-BRITE
“LITE BRITE, LITE BRITE. Make a face to glow at night!”
All good things must come to a bittersweet end
All good things must come to a bittersweet end


Oh, of course. Steve is a gentleman of great probity [Riiight -Ed.]
Of course. Steve, a man of great probity [Riiight -Ed.]
We all had one major childhood crush...
We all had one major childhood crush…

Jennifer and Elaine were the two hottest girls in the 5th grade. Nothing could beat being in the same class with your best friend as well as the two cutest girls in school. Nelson favored Elaine while I preferred Jennifer. Sadly, my family moved in the middle of 7th grade and that was the last I saw of Jennifer… until 7 years later. One day during my sophomore year in college I was walking down this long hallway when a young beautiful lady walked right by. Instantly I got a huge whiff of 1994 and was suddenly transported back to my childhood. Could it be, was it — yes, it was Jennifer. Too paralyzed to say anything, I could only watch in silence as we went in opposite directions until she disappeared around the corner. I kicked myself for not saying hi, hoping that we’d bump into each other again. As fate would have it, not long after that, we did. I asked her if she remembered me from elementary school. She smiled warmly and said “Of course. I remember you suddenly left one day in junior high and that was that.” I nodded, the both of us soaking in the moment. Life was different back in the ’90s. We didn’t have Facebook or email to stay in touch. 7 years is a long time not to see or speak to someone but she remembered me. It meant a lot.

A long time ago I used to wonder what might have happened between me and Jennifer had I never moved. My imagination wandered to an alternate future where we’re happily married with two kids, a dog and a white picket fence. She’s now married with a kid. The last time I saw her was about five years ago. I was acting in a musical and she came out to support me. We exchanged pleasantries and hugs after the show in the lobby. And that was the last I ever saw of Jennifer — my childhood Winnie Cooper.

Well, are you, Jenny?
Hey now! What the hell...
Hey now! What the hell…
Wish the game had a drive-in theatre
A drive-in is the only thing EarthBound is missing


Mr. T hates how Mother was disrespected
Mr. T hates how Mother was disrespected

As many of you know by now, EarthBound is the 16-bit sequel to the 8-bit Famicom game MotherMother was released in Japan July 1989, and was set to come out in the US September 1990. But with the impending launch of the SNES, Mother was never released. There’s a pretty fascinating history behind this, and you can find out all the sordid details by way of a quick Google search. There are also some great YouTube history videos on this subject matter. The game has since been fan translated, and is known now as EarthBound ZeroEarthBound on the SNES is known as Mother 2 over in Japan. There was also a Mother 3 released in 2006 for the GBA, but it never left the land of the rising sun. EarthBound is the only Mother game ever to see an official US release. A crime if you think about it.

What would Ness do? Call his mama!
Mother 3 on the Game Boy Advance (2006)

Mother 3 has since been fan translated. To date, this has been the final game in the beloved Mother series. It’s sad that two of the games never left Japan. It’s a bit sad also that many gamers know of Ness via Super Smash Bros and not EarthBound, although his Smash outings have definitely stirred interest from people who came in knowing nothing about the Mother series. I guess that’s not a bad thing at least.


I was lucky to buy these two just months before Timewalk folded
Wacky Japanese high school + the weird west…

There are 2 SNES games I would highly recommend to EarthBound fanatics. Both of them are Super Famicom exclusives with English fan translations available. The first title is called Gunman’s Proof which is actually an action RPG along the lines of a Legend of Zelda: A Link to the Past. It’s got tons of charm and quirkiness and is simply a load of fun. Think Zelda meets the wild wild west with a dash of EarthBound thrown in for good measure. It’s one of the most criminally underrated SNES games out there. It’s on the short side but I can’t recommend it enough. The second is Adventures of Hourai High. Wacky and zany describes it best. It is like EarthBound meets Final Fantasy V. Taking place in a Japanese high school setting, you can join a wide variety of clubs — this is how you gain different skills. Its sense of offbeat humor is extremely reminiscent of EarthBound, and while it has its fair share of flaws, Hourai High is worth a visit.

Gunman's Proof is one of the best SNES titles that few talk about
One of the best SNES titles that few talk about

Gunman’s Proof is one of my personal favorites. I love the game’s humor, style, atmosphere and fun fast-paced gun slinging action. It’s too damn short (similar to The Twisted Tales of Spike McFang) but it’s a blast, pardon the pun, while it lasts. If you haven’t played it before, I highly suggest rectifying that.

It even apes Earthbound's font. A nice touch indeed
It even apes EarthBound‘s font. A nice touch indeed

Adventures of Hourai High is a unique RPG. You can play as a boy or girl. The dialogue is hilarious and almost as entertaining as EarthBound. Sadly, a few key flaws hamper Hourai High from being a notably nice game. The encounter rate is way too high, and there was a major screw-up: weapons and armor equipped do not change your stats. Somehow, the programmers botched this and so you only increase in stats by leveling up. In essence, you never have to buy new weapons or armor. I still recommend it to diehard EarthBound fans however, despite its glaring flaws.

Earthbound fans will appreciate Hourai High's humor
EarthBound fans will appreciate Hourai High‘s humor


"I am. Traded in my bat for a gun and my cap for a 10 gallon hat"
“I am. Traded in my bat and cap for a 10 gallon hat”


Super Play Magazine loved it
Super Play Magazine loved it

EarthBound is one of those interesting and fascinating cases of a game that got its fair share of love when it came out originally. But really it wasn’t until years later that it exploded in popularity. Curiously, EGM never did review it. GameFan did, however. They gave it scores of 85, 90 and 92%. Super Play Magazine scored it 88%. In a recent poll I asked the public to rate EarthBound on a scale of 1-10. One voter gave it a 1. Another gave it a 7. A few rated it an 8, but the majority of readers voted 9. Of course, there was a healthy smattering of fans who gave it the perfect 10 out of 10 score. Pretty much what I expected — lots of 9s and 10s with one vocal minority who gave it the lowest rating possible. Oh Earthbound, truly the polarizing RPG of our time.

Few RPGs divided gamers as much as this one
Few RPGs divided opinions as much as this one
Nintendo Power ranked it 60th best game of all time
Nintendo Power ranked it #60 on its top 100 list


EarthBound's awesome contemporary setting helps set it apart
I’ll always stop for pizza. Damn straight, son

I didn’t play EarthBound back in the day. When I started it up in November of 2012 it was an entirely fresh experience. Therefore, zero nostalgia goggles here. Two weeks and 30 hours later, I knew I’d just played one of the most engrossing and captivating games ever. From the refreshing and comforting sights of suburbia in the early stages of the game to the more exotic locales found later on, it took me on an incredible journey of youth, bravery, loyalty and adventure. I felt like I was playing an RPG that combined Goonies, The Wonder Years, Peanuts and Dragon Quest. Not a bad little recipe! If you love RPGs and you still haven’t played this, STOP whatever you’re doing. And go rectify this matter. Now.

It takes you back to your youth
It takes you back to your youth

EarthBound perfectly captures the sheer awe of childhood, combined with a longing desire to push one’s suburban limits to the very brink. Playing the game made me feel like a kid again. Like I was back in my old hometown haunts hanging out at the arcade, going around town to the local pizza joint and flipping through the latest Goosebumps book at the library. And that’s just the beginning of the game. Soon it all transforms into something much more, as you meet new friends and unlikely allies all in the name of stopping an implacable force known only as Giygas. The game opens with our hero in bed in his striped pajamas. It seems like any other ordinary night in the ol’ neighborhood of suburbia. You are then awoken — it’s great subtle symbolism because for the first time in your young prepubescent life, you’re truly awake. The many wacky, perilous and funny events to unfold all shape this tremendous coming-of-age adventure. You leave home and like any other epic story ever told, you embark on a journey that changes you from a boy to a young man. You’ll conquer many obstacles — both external and internal. Playing EarthBound was like being in a never-ending state of reverie, and I loved every damn second of it.

Few games have left such an memorable imprint
Few games left such an imprint

There’s a certain timeless, nostalgic quality about this game. It stirs the feeling of being a kid in Anytown USA who leaves home to voyage on the adventure of a lifetime. From your local 3-story mall to far away lands exotic, mysterious and menacing, EarthBound tugs on all the right notes to create an experience like no other. The music’s an eclectic mix that’s among the best you’ll hear on the SNES. The gameplay is fairly standard, but there are some nice ideas here like instant wins and a rolling health meter. But EarthBound is so much more than this. EarthBound is, quite simply, a quintessential tale of growing up and overcoming trials in a not so perfect world. It’s light-hearted yet serious when it needs to be. The many diverse locales are great and I find the visuals to be a bit underrated. Many like to dismiss it, but I love the style and can’t imagine the game any other way. There’s a reason why EarthBound has so many fervent fans. It was a work of art that resonated with our inner child, leaving us with a lasting and memorable impression. Indeed, the tale of Ness and his friends is one that has stood the test of time. And one that I believe will continue to do so for generations to come.

Graphics: 7.5
Sound: 10
Gameplay: 9
Longevity: 9

Overall: 10



Battle Cross (SFC)

Pub: Imagineer | Dev: A-Max | 12.9.94 | 8 MEGS

In the early-mid ’90s, few games matched the fun that Super Bomberman and Super Mario Kart provided. Ever wonder if someone was keen enough to sort of combine the two? A-Max did, at least, to some degree. Battle Cross is a 6-player single screen racer. It does an admirable job of cramming bits and pieces of Bomberman and Mario Kart. The air-bike is easy to control. Once you get in the zone, you’ll be screaming past tight corners, blowing up the competition, and scorching toward the finish line with dazzling flamboyance unseen since the glory days of Babylon.

Naturally, there are weapons and power-ups randomly strewn across the course at any given time. Nothing beats dropping a land mine under a hidden overpass… *evil grin*

Speaking of which, let’s take a look.


  • Laser (press R to shoot)

Unlimited. You could be on one side of the track and still hit someone on the other. It’s weak though… only stunning the victim for a split second (but enough to tick the tar outta ‘em, which is half the fun really).

  • Speed Up (automatic)

Increases your speed for that entire race. Collect a couple and you’ll blaze right through the competition.

  • Matchless (automatic)

Zipping at break-neck speed, anyone caught in your path will flip out. It’s just like the Star from Super Mario Kart.

  • Land Mine (Y)

My favorite. The more land mine icons you collect the more you can lay at a time. If you collect three or four as I once did, you’ll OWN that race!

  • Nitro (X)

Speed burst. If you’re on a track with steep hills, activate it at the bottom and watch your guy FLY!

  • Missile (R)

A one shot deal that, when released, darts around the track until it finds someone or burns out.

  • Weight (R)

Like the missile, a one time deal that sends a blue skeleton disc around the track until it finds someone or passes out. This causes the infected driver to go considerably slower.

  • Turn Over (R)

Evil in its purest form. Bolts a yellow skeleton disc around the track — if it finds a target, that driver will temporarily have his control REVERSED. On basic tracks the transition is usually no biggie. But on those with lots of turns, it’s a true you-know-what. Luckily, when infected, a fairy (!) appears carrying a first-aid kit. Touch her and instantly be healed. Love it. Odd and rather weird, but very cool!

The reason for different buttons? So you can drop a land mine WHILE shooting your lasers. As NBA Hall-of-Famer turned commentator Bill Walton would say: “Now HOW cool is THAT?”

Three game modes: Battle, Grand Prix and Practice.

In Battle you pick from 1-30 laps to win a course. 15 is the default; I like playing on 10 just to keep things moving. Pick from 1-5 match wins. You can even select a new track after each round! In Bomberman, you’re restricted to the SAME field until one player can win the designated amount. But here, say it’s 3 wins to the trophy; well, you can play on tracks 1, 2 and 8 if you wish. Brilliant!

Up to 5 human players can play, with a total of 6 maximum bikers. Any combo is possible: 1-on-1 race, or 4 bikers instead of 6. Go 7 laps, or 27. Adjust the AI from 1-5. It’s very user-friendly, just like Bomberman.

The Grand Prix follows a storyline, but like Bomberman the meat of Battle Cross is playing the Battle mode (and preferably with some buddies to truly enhance the experience).

Nine initial courses are available, with one being unlockable.  Let’s check ‘em out.



Just your basic first stage that helps you ease into things. The course itself has no special features. A volcano rests peacefully in the middle and a friendly chap in the ocean enjoys fishing while observing the race. Oh and um… a Godzilla-like creature plays in the sand pit there… those wacky Japanese. They’re at it again…



A couple puddles atop and a grumpy pirate who doesn’t like trespassers highlight this track. He launches a cannonball across the screen every five seconds or so. If you find yourself in the line of fire, don’t be a chump, jump!



The orange arrows operate as a speed burst. This is the first track to implement high and low drops. I really like the curve before the finish line — it’s the perfect opportunity to smoothly turn the corner and accelerate on through. And for some reason, I really dig the way the grass looks. It’s so lush. It’s the little things!



This course rocks. Leap over the wooden spikes and watch out for the rocket that comes screaming out of the hole. A little gate near the totem pole swings open periodically, allowing the precious possibility of a short cut. But if the gate closes as you go for it, the AGONY! The shrubbery at the bottom left obstructs the playing view. It’s ripe for mine-dropping. Overall this course has a good deal of strategy, making it one of my favorite courses in the game.



See that wolf peering over the cliff there? Nice! It’s the little things that make video games cool I always say. Here the slopes get very steep and if you got Nitro, use it at that bottom hill. Your momentum can propel you straight through the finish line! It’s similar to using a mushroom right before the jump bit on the very first iconic Ghost Valley track from Super Mario Kart.



Twice the hidden overpasses equals twice the potential danger of land mines. I love the corner where my red guy is at — making a smooth turn and having that long raceway to steam forward is pretty cool stuff.



Love this devious track. It’s wide open… til you get to the two red pillars. To make matters worse, they move randomly! It’s a short stage but very fun because of the chaos the red pillars can cause. Blue and yellow there did OK — green and purple not so much! As for me, red, oh you know.. you know… uh… overlapping them. *cough* Nothing beats cutting through those pillars unscathed. Not only will you probably be in the lead but you’ll look real cool too, oh yeah.



Those are some big animals! O_o Course gets a bit bumpy in the middle there. This is one of my least favorite tracks to be honest. It doesn’t seem as appealing as some of the others. Be sure to drop mines under that overpass, though…



Pinball-mania. Madness I tells ya. The 3 yellow bumpers move and are hard to avoid. Hit the bumpers as I did here, and you’ll be bouncing back and forth for a few. He who minimizes mistakes, will win.


-Graphics are nothing to write home about but as you can see are quite serviceable and for this type of game works

-Sound is OK, but I love the catchy course tunes

-Like Bomberman, it’s still decent enough fun to play alone, but the real treat is getting 4 other people to play… one of those games that’s perfect to play after a late night out

-Even your little brother or sister can play — there’s an option in Battle mode for “human-CPU” mode. Think of it like… auto-defense in baseball video games

-You won’t need to understand Japanese to enjoy this game, though the storyline in Grand Prix will fly over your head… but no biggie, ya know?

-Never a hint of slowdown

-The back cover of the manual has the best Engrish ever:

Thanks for what!
Those silly Japanese


Battle Cross is a fun party game. It possesses a unique charm and little things like the wolf and revolving gate, for example, add a sense of life to the game. The more I played Battle Cross the more I liked it. It’s well worth owning, especially if you have like-minded retro gaming friends. It’s a shame this game never came out in the US, but thankfully we can import it without any hassles as everything in the game is pretty much self-explanatory. Now, I do have to say this. I liked this game a lot more when I first played it in 2006, nearly 10 years ago. Similar to The Firemen, another Super Famicom title, I was really impressed a decade ago when this was a fresh novelty. In revisiting it years later, while I still like and recommend it, it’s not quite as awesome as I remembered it being. The gameplay is not as ‘meaty’ as Super Bomberman or Super Mario Kart. Don’t get me wrong, I still like Battle Cross, but perhaps temper your expectations at the door before diving in. Obviously it doesn’t hold a candle to either of those iconic Super Nintendo games, but hey, few games can. Battle Cross is a funky example of a game that’s both “worthy” yet somehow “somewhat disappointing, considering.”

Graphics: 7
Sound: 8
Gameplay: 7
Longevity: 8


Overall: 7.5
Bronze Award

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Tournament Fighters (SNES)

Pub: Konami | Dev: Konami | Dec. '93 | 16 MEGS
Pub: Konami | Dev: Konami | Dec. ’93 | 16 MEGS

Back in the early-mid ’90s fighting games ruled the scene. Street Fighter II launched a phenomenon that spawned clone after clone. Very few came close to the level of Street Fighter. Some were even downright ATROCIOUS. But once in a while, one came along that completely surprised you. One of those games was a Super Nintendo exclusive. It never came out in the arcades, but Konami could have fooled me. Its name… Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Tournament Fighters.

Last night a friend and I caught the latest TMNT movie, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Out of the Shadows. It was far better than I expected, especially since I didn’t like the 2014 version at all. I mean, it wasn’t great or anything, but I can genuinely say I wouldn’t mind the inevitable 3rd film in this Michael Bay series. Seeing the movie made me nostalgic for the Turtles from my childhood, and so it’s a perfect time to talk about one of the best fighting games the SNES ever saw.


"It's SF 2 Turbo with DEATH moves!"
“It’s SF 2 Turbo with DEATH moves!”

Those were the haunting, earth-shattering words of my brother’s friend, Kerwin, back in December ’93. According to him, he had just played this new amazing fighting game — one that he claimed had“Fatality” like moves during combat and one that actually played better than Street Fighter II Turbo. If I didn’t know any better, I’d have thought Kerwin worked for Konami himself. At that time I had never conceived of anything like the idea of death moves. These were essentially SUPER special moves that dealt out a TREMENDOUS amount of damage and could only be done when your 2nd bar was full. Just the idea of two energy bars blew my 10 year old mind, let alone the idea of a screen-filling, flashy, super special attack. Maybe there was another game that had already done this at the time, but alI I knew was, Tournament Fighters was my first exposure to the wonderful wacky world of super specials. It’s one of those epic memories you always carry with you, in your gaming heart. TMNT: Tournament Fighters would have been terrific even without their Ultimate Attacks but WITH them it makes for one truly amazing fighting game.

SF 2 Turbo with death moves? Mind blown
Street Fighter II Turbo with death moves? Mind blown

Since late 1993, death moves have become a key staple in the genre. Everything from looks to command (i.e. how to pull off a super special move) has only gotten crazier and crazier. By comparison, these ones may seem tame today… but man, back in the day, they were something else to behold!

I wonder if she's singing "Great Balls of Fire..."
I wonder if she’s singing “Great Balls of Fire…”

Tournament Fighters has two bars. One serves as your energy bar while the second fills up each time you land a blow, blocked or not. It’s a free flowing bar, meaning that if you are not on the offensive the bar swings back the other way slowly but surely. Thus, a great deal of emphasis is put on being aggressive, rather than defensive. Otherwise, you’ll find yourself compromised as your opponent unleashes his possibly two or even three times in a single round. When full, the bar ignites and you have three seconds to perform your super special. If you fail to execute your big move in that time frame, then the bar swings back the other way. Thankfully, it moves one smidgen at a time. Meaning if for whatever reason you couldn’t pull off your big move, just one or two more (blocked) attacks will see your bar refilled once more. It was a brilliant and innovative feature for its time. Back in December of 1993, none of my gaming crew nor I had ever seen anything like the Ultimate Attacks. And we loved them. It changed the dynamic of a typical fighting game match, and some of the screen-filling moves were truly awe-inspiring 20+ years ago.

Side effects include...
Side effects include…

However, there were some downsides to the Ultimate Attacks. Namely, since you only have about three seconds to unleash it… human opponents are very likely to block it. Though some can cause a good deal of damage even when blocked, it would be better if there was no time limit and the bar could remain full until you were ready to use it. It would have led to a bit more strategy. Instead, the game plays like a mad melee, which is not bad in its own right. Props for having these mega death moves at all.


Santa has a Tic Tac with your name on it, Mikey
Santa has a Tic Tac with your name on it, Mikey

Having hounded both my parents about Clay Fighter and with them knowing how disappointed I was that I didn’t get it or even a video game that Christmas, my mom allowed me to buy one video game in January of ’94. I had just rented Clay Fighter and was thankful I did (boy, was it disappointing). They took me to Good Guys and I bought Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Tournament Fighters. I had never played it before but it was #2 on my want game list that Christmas season, trailing only Clay Fighter. I grew up on the Ninja Turtles, and it looked like a terrific Street Fighter II clone. I loved the cover and will never forget seeing it at Good Guys looking all pretty in its wrapping. It seemed to call out to me. Right away I knew it was the one. My mom and dad took the game to the counter to pay for it while I stood there nearly quaking in my shoes. What a wonderful belated Christmas gift! It was the second SNES game my mom ever bought for me, just about one year after she’d bought me my first, King of the Monsters. It was one of the longest car rides home that I can remember. It was time to see if Kerwin was right or not — was this truly Street Fighter II Turbo but with death moves??




BLAH — I ordered extra pepperoni!
Suddenly the TV's been hacked
Suddenly the TV has been hacked

Mike:  Hey, who hacked our tube? This is SO NOT COOL, DUDES!
Raph: SHADDUP MIKEY! I wanna hear this…
Don:  Amazing, I wonder what kind of device they used to hack our streaming service?
Leo:  Guys, there could only be one villain behind this…


AH-HA! The rat has found his golden ticket
AH-HA! The rat has found his golden ticket
They don't call him MASTER Splinter for nothing!
They don’t call him MASTER Splinter for nothing!


Classic, VINTAGE Konami
Classic, VINTAGE Konami


COWABUNGA! [You're fired -Ed.]
COWABUNGA! [You’re fired -Ed.]
There's even a code for Hi-Speed 3
There’s even a code for Hi-Speed 3

I’ve always enjoyed the presentation / vibe of most Konami titles. They had a classic, basic yet sleek look to them. You could always count on Konami to deliver the goods :)

I was so sad SNES Martial Champion never happened
I was so sad SNES Martial Champion never happened

When I first saw this 20+ years ago, I instantly said to my brother, “It’s Martial Champion!” We liked it. It was different from most other fighting games which all seemed to have the same select screen. This one was different enough to be a bit of a stand out, however.

I remember picking Titi (AKA Chaos) first
I remember picking Titi (AKA Chaos) first

Martial Champion came out February 1993. It was one of a thousand Street Fighter II clones flooding the market at the time. I fell in love with it, but I was basically sleeping with every fighting game that came out during that golden age of 1992 to 1994 or so. It was colorful, outlandish and a bit different from your average SF II clone.

Loved Titi so much that I even drew a pic of him
Loved Titi so much that I even drew a pic

Titi (renamed Chaos in the US) was my favorite character. It looked like a cross between Freddy Krueger and a Chinese hopping vampire! Sold and sold! The game was unique thanks to its high jumps and how you could disarm your opponent and steal their weapon to use it against them. Looking back, it wasn’t a great fighting game or anything, but it was yet another fun entry in that epic era I fondly refer to as the ‘Fighting Game Golden Age.’

MARTRIAL Champions. Man, am I glad I learned how two spel..
MARTRIAL Champions. Man, glad I learned how two spel

Take a look and see for yourself! Yeah, I know. I couldn’t draw for jack but man… the memories of those fun and simple times. Running in those arcade halls with my old gaming crew, going from fighting game to fighting game. It was akin to a buffet lineup. A grand time those days were, indeed.


Oh we'll get to the Genesis version a little later on, believe me...
Oh we’ll get to the Genesis version a little later…
You really gotta use mouthwash, Mikey
You really gotta use some mouthwash, Mikey

Of the many things I love about this game the one I adore the most might be the stages. Just look at this one f’rinstance. First off, the idea of a duel to the death on a rooftop is appealing, but then you add in massive billboards and a pretty backdrop of some hotels and business buildings, including a nifty flashing neon Konami sign all set to an atmospheric night time hue, and what you have is a winner. Most of the stages in this game are chock full with detail, color (admittedly at times almost TOO much color), and oh yeah, cameos. You’ll see tons of familiar faces from the TMNT universe scattered throughout, from foot soldiers to Neutrinos to Rocksteady and Bebop (though they should have been playable fighters but I digress). You’ll battle it out everywhere, from shady back alleys to ancient ruins, sunken ships, raucous rock concerts, roaring trains and cafés filled with jukeboxes, neon signs and bloodthirsty spectators. The stages captured my imagination 20+ years ago, and to this day, in my book, they’re still some of the best backgrounds I’ve ever seen in a 16-bit fighter.

I also dig how you can spot the big set pieces in the little avatars
<3 how they show the big set pieces in the little shots

What’s a fighting game without some sort of stage select screen? I’ve always liked the one here… with the Statue of Liberty front and center, and the little light that searches for the next stage. The sound effects here, as can be expected, are top-notch and firmly embedded in my mind more than 20 years later.

Good God, this game brings back so many nostalgic memories...
Man, this brings back so many nostalgic memories



LEONARDO | 5’8″ | 170 lbs.

The leader of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, Leonardo is as straight-edge as they come. Focused and determined, his trusty katana blades often pushes him ahead of the competition. Not surprisingly, he plays like Ryu. Leo’s never been my favorite turtle, but he’s a solid all-around fighter, and an easy choice for beginning players. As expected, his swords provide him solid range. You can slice and dice to your heart’s content… something I always wanted to see in the old cartoon but never did for obvious reasons — but here you can fulfill those long forgotten childhood dreams.

Where's Jesse Pinkman when you need him?  [Getting high -Ed.]
Where’s Jesse Pinkman when you need him?
Hustlers, hookers and hoodlums litter this shady looking back alley. In an attempt to shed his choir boy, straight edge image, Leo invites his opposing rivals to meet him way out in this dilapidated part of town in the middle of the day, breaking the age-old ninja code of hiding in the shadows. Leo is ready, at last, to step outta his shell.

Beware slow recovery time
Beware slow recovery time
Millenium Wave!
Millenium Wave!
Tired of the shadows, Leo takes to the mean streets
Tired of the shadows, Leo takes to the mean streets

TMNTTF33RAPHAEL | 5’8″ | 170 lbs.

Though Mike was my favorite growing up, Raph is a very close second. It’s hard not to like him. He was part of the team but it always felt like he was one small misstep from snapping [A snapping turtle? -Ed.]. Raph was easily the edgiest turtle of the lot, always exuding this aura of coolness. Maybe it’s because he’s a quasi-rebel and a hard-ass, which deep down there’s a little bit of that in all of us. He didn’t use his sai much in the old cartoon, but makes plenty good use of them here, including a M. Bison torpedo-esque move that can be a pain in the neck to deal with. Just a shame Casey Jones isn’t around as that’s one fight I’d love to see!

Part of me half expects Marty McFly to barge in any second now
Part of me expects Marty McFly to come bumbling in

This was one of my most favorite fighting game backgrounds as a kid. It’s got the classic long counter you’d find at any diner worth half its salt, a jukebox, a colorful neon sign that lights up and what’s up with that strange looking cat in the middle there? He looks like an ape and for pete’s sake sir pull your shirt all the way down, son! Damn. Way to spoil one’s appetite, eh?

Smallest fireball ever
Smallest fireball ever
Sai-cho Crusher!
Sai-cho Crusher!
"Holy BALLS!" -Mean Gene Okerlund
Energy Spray!
The maverick of the group, Raph has got some SERIOUS BALLS
The maverick of the group, Raph’s got some serious balls

TMNTTF39DONATELLO | 5’8″ | 170 lbs.

Often referred to as the brains of the group, Donatello is usually busy working on his latest inventions. This time however, he’s taking a firm stand to show he can not only hold his own, but that he’s the most skilled fighter of his clan. His bo gives him good coverage and he’s just plain fun to use, especially with his Cranium Crusher that is exclusive only to him. Plus, his Ultimate Attack ranks as one of the most memorable — Donnie [Yen, apparently -Ed.] sends forth a ginormous dragon wave. It was jaw dropping back in ’93, and 20+ years later still puts a huge grin on my face whenever I see it. Donnie reminds us he’s more than just a brainiac.

This must be where Jesse's RV was dismantled [no spoilers! -Ed.]
This must be where Jesse’s RV was dismantled…
In a corner tucked far away from town lies a rundown scrapyard where the dirtiest of deeds go down. Classic characters from the cartoon, like the vigilante Casey Jones and mad scientist Baxter Stockman, make cameos here in a definite tip of the cap. When Donnie isn’t busy scouring the scrapheap for random parts to tinker with, he’s busy kicking some ass.

Great recovery on the Ground Claw
Dragon Wave!
Dragon Wave!
Summon the power of a dragon!
Summon the power of a dragon!

TMNTTF44MICHELANGELO | 5’8″ | 170 lbs.

Easily my favorite Ninja Turtle growing up, every kid I knew identified themselves with Mikey at one point or another — the classic fun-loving, pizza-craving party animal of the troupe. Mikey never really used his nunchucks in the old ’80s cartoon, so it’s a fan’s dream come true to see him swinging them here like no tomorrow. He plays like a tantalizing mix of Ryu and Blanka, with a cool arcing rolling attack and a deadly rising uppercut. Mikey’s also got the best stage in the entire game. To cap it off, his Ultimate Attack is a swift and sick 10-hit barrage known as the Dance of Fury.

Might be the best backdrop of any SNES fighting game I've seen
Gotta love the blatant shameless advertising

Hands down my favorite background of the game; hell, I’d put this up against any other fighting game stage on the SNES. The flashing Konami sign, the billboards on each side, the atmospheric city life with the bright lights — it’s a crime not to like this stage. I bet Mikey goes here after picking up a pizza and watches over the city as he munches away to his little heart’s content. Bless the lad, really.

If Blanka had a fireball...
If Blanka had a fireball…













Dance of Fury!
Dance of Fury!

TMNTTF50ARMAGGON | 8’0″ | 400 lbs.

This guy had to be every kid’s dream come true back in the day. At least he was for me. Who didn’t drool at the thought of being a mutant shark? At the time I thought he was a brand new character constructed just for the game, but he actually comes from the comic book universe of Ninja Turtles fame, like quite a few of the other characters found in this game. While I was initially disappointed in the lack of familiar faces from the cartoon, I always liked Armaggon. Everything from his look to the giant octopus sitting in the middle of his stage… he’s JAWESOME [You’ve jumped the shark -Ed.].

The eyes track your every movement. It's a little unsettling!
The eyes track your every movement. A bit unsettling

This stage creeped me out when I was a kid. If I were really fighting, I’d find it impossible to focus on my opponent with that grotesque abomination stalking my every move. Its eyes literally track you wherever you go. Talk about unnerving. But it’s also frigging awesome.

I love his alternative color
I love his alternative color
Fin Slicer has great range
Fin Slicer has great range
Just when you thought it was safe...
Where are the Street Sharks when ya need 'em?!
Where are the Street Sharks when ya need ‘em?!

TMNTTF56ASKA | 5’2″ | 110 lbs.

Okay, so I have a small confession to make. When I was growing up, female fighters were never really my cup of tea. I always wanted to pick either the Ryu clone, the “cool” Guile rip-off, or the freaks (stretch fighters, monsters and other assorted weirdos). Female fighters, bless their hearts, simply never moved my meter. Back then the only one I used to any degree was Janne from the World Heroes series. Well, here’s another rare like. I can’t put my finger on exactly why, but Aska’s always been cool in my book.

Rumors you could use the frog. Ah, pre-internet days...
Rumors you could use the frog. Ah, pre-internet days

In 1993 there was a very popular SNK fighter by the name of Samurai Shodown. This backdrop always made me think of that game. Noh is a classic Japanese drama dance show that surged sometime in the 14th or 15th century. The mutant frog which resides in the middle of the stage always intrigued me. I remember rumors circulating within my own gaming crew that the giant frog was a secret character you could use. Of course, it was just a BS rumor my friends and I formed — it was a sign of the times. The good old days…

Builds your meter fast
Builds your meter fast
Love that trailing butterfly effect
Tornado Blast!
Tornado Blast!
Did you know: she's based off Mitsu from 1993's TMNT III
Aska is based off Mitsu from 1993’s TMNT III film

TMNTTF62CHROME DOME | 5’10” | 200 lbs.

Considering how most of the roster consists of antagonists NOT from the cartoon universe, Chrome Dome was a very welcomed addition. I love how Konami gave the token “stretch fighter” the game’s biggest damage-inducing throw (outside of the bosses). It’s very cool as it’s just something you didn’t see in fighting games at all during that era. So in some ways, Chrome Dome felt like a slight mix of Dhalsim meets Zangief. He could stretch for defense and offense, and if you get too close to him, he could grab ya and take you on one SHOCKING ride.

With the Neutrinos hanging around, I'm sad Traag didn't show up
We get a Neutrinos cameo, but sadly no Traag

Who knew tin head was so artsy fartsy? With a penchant for the fine arts, the culturally cognizant Chrome Dome gets his kicks off on piledrivering his competition at the local art museum. Familiar cartoon faces make a spot cameo in the form of Mousers and the Neutrinos. ‘GROOVY!’ indeed.

Every SF II clone has a stretch freak
Stretch fighter? Check
Shades of Terry Bogard
Shades of Terry Bogard
He electrocutes them to boot
Piledriver ends in electrocution
Chrome Bomb!
Chrome Bomb!
Chrome Dome: an ass-kicking, culturally-hip kind of 'bot
Chrome Dome: so badass and underrated

TMNTTF69CYBER SHREDDER | 6’6″ | 280 lbs.

This ain’t your regular Shredder you remember bumbling around in the ’80s cartoon. No, far from that. Indeed, this is THE SHREDDER ON STEROIDS. This is Cyber Shredder, a walking weapon of destruction. Part of me wishes we got the ’80s version instead, for nostalgic reasons. I was saddened to hear about the passing of one, James Avery, in December 2013. Better known as Uncle Phil, Avery was the voice of the late ’80s and early ’90s Shredder. When I found that fun little factoid in the late ’90s or so, I never looked at Shredder the same way ever again.

No one speaks of it as they refer to it as the 'Wrong Side of Town'
Don’t get caught in the ‘Wrong Side of Town’

On the outskirts of town, there exists an iniquitous construction site that is rumored to have been taken over by the evil and nefarious Cyber Shredder and his Foot Clan. There are even whispers on the street, though apocryphal, that the police themselves dare not step foot onto the Cyber Shredder’s hot new territory. It’s considered a lost part of town and most have turned a blind eye in exchange for their own personal safety. All hail the mighty Foot!

Reflect opponent projectiles
Reflect opponent projectiles
It slices, it dices!
It slices, it dices!
Looks awkward, but is effective
Looks awkward, but is effective
Lightning Crusher!
Lightning Crusher!

TMNTTF76WAR | 8’0″ | 350 lbs.

A savage bipedal triceratops? Sign me up! Those were my sentiments when I first laid eyes on him 20+ years ago. Originating from the comics, he was one of the Four Horsemen — along with Death, Famine and Pestilence. A real shame then, considering the superb look and cool name. He goes down in fighting game history as one of the most disappointing fighters ever. He’s limited to two special moves that aren’t too hot. Thankfully, his stage stands out and his Ultimate Attack is a rip-roaring attention grabber. War hurls himself around the screen like a pinball of destruction, but even that can’t save him from feeling like a largely wasted roster space.

If only you could use Bebop and Rocksteady
If only you could use Bebop and Rocksteady

It’s a beautiful sunny day, with only a couple clouds hanging overhead. Your breath is taken away as you look around at all the beautiful sights, until you catch sight of your old bumbling rivals, Bebop and Rocksteady. You chuckle to yourself as a savage roar erupts nearby. A giant 8 foot tall armored monster leaps within 10 feet of ya, the sunshine shimmering off his razor sharp talons. And just as quick, your smile fades.

If Balrog were a dinosaur...
If Balrog were a dinosaur…
War Dynamic!
War Dynamic!
Someone needs a mani and pedi I'd say...
Someone needs a mani and pedi…

TMNTTF81WINGNUT | 6’0″ | 300 lbs.

I remember thinking to myself, “Why this bastard over a classic fan fave like Bebop or Rocksteady?” Wingnut appeared briefly in the ’80s cartoon series and had a much bigger role in the comics. He’s the very definition of an “unorthodox fighter.” It will take a highly skilled player to get the most out of his unusual offense. Possessing a somewhat awkward moveset, and considering how his Ultimate Attack can be a total flop, to his credit he’s got one of the coolest stages in fighting game history. What’s better than a rock concert while watching two combatants knock the stuffing out of each other?

It's the soundtrack of rock 'n roll and violence MASHED together
Music and violence — what more could ya want?

Wingnut, the master of soundwaves, is hardly a stranger to loud noise. Whereas it distracts and even causes damage to the ear drums of most mere mortals, Wingnut relishes on such raucous and frenzied environments. From the HEAVY METAL headbanging to the strobe lights to the t-rex twins, the ringing Thunder Dome produces a mad rocking atmosphere like no other. The audience is more than happy to pay top dollar for this BARBARIC MASHUP.

Even his fireball is weird as hell
Even his fireball is weird as hell
Mad Spectre!
Mad Spectre!
Best seat in the house
Best seat in the house


Whenever you see April, bad stuff happens
Whenever you see April, bad stuff happens
Rat King is a powerhouse. I prefer his classic cartoon look
I much prefer his classic cartoon look, though
Now that's the Rat King I love!
Now that’s the Rat King I know and love!

In the comics, Rat King had a telepathic super power where he could communicate with rats. In the ’80s cartoon series he had to use a flute. He’s always been a cool cat [rat? -Ed.] in my book, and I wish we saw more familiar faces from the cartoon than the comics. Although I realize by late 1993 the cartoon series was not nearly as popular as it once was. Still, how lovely would it have been to see the likes of Krang, Rocksteady, Bebop and Casey Jones?

At least the Japanese version made it slightly more interestin
At least the Japanese version made it more interesting

Studio 6 is where they film this game show format for Tournament Fighters. High school cheerleaders adorn the stage. A badly missed opportunity at a sewer-based stage. If you’re not going to give it to one of the turtles, then at least give it to the Rat King (AKA the King of the Sewers). This game has plenty of cool stages, but this one was rather dull. Can’t win ‘em all, I guess.

Shock Sphere!
Shock Sphere!
Looking more like the Mummy King...
Looking more like the Mummy King…
"Damn GURL, do you EVER have good news??"
“Damn GURL, do you EVER have good news??”
Karai is, hands down, one of the most annoying end bosses ever
Karai is one annoying final boss
Karai is now a very popular, well-known character in TMNT-dom!
Vernon Fenwick cameo woot woot

A duel to the death atop a screaming metro train. Mr. Vernon Fenwick from Channel 6 News captures the chaos for all to see from the comfort of their home. Perhaps Konami knew all along just how bloodthirsty humanity is…

Dark Thunder!
Dark Thunder!
I would have gone with Krang, myself
I would have gone with Krang, myself


Is... that... it?
Is… that… it?

The endings are rather disappointing. Each character ending has only two shots with hit-or-miss artwork and a few text messages. For as difficult as the computer opponents are, this is a major letdown.


If it ain't broke, don't fix it  [HA-HA. I see what you did there -Ed.]
If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it [I see what you did there -Ed.]
Like most fighting games of the early-mid ’90s, there lies breakable furniture in some of the stages. It’s a damn classic staple of the genre. The ones here are, admittedly, a bit ‘weak’ [I see what you did there -Ed.], but hey, they’re there.

I think it just speaks to a 10 year old boy's desire to DESTROY
It speaks to a 10 year old boy’s desire to DESTROY

Speaking of um, bonuses, check out probably my all-time most favorite fighting game bonus stage around. Destroying bank safes one after another? Sign me up!

Konami really made you believe it was real coins
The sound of coins falling sounds so realistic

I love the idea that someone was dropping these bad boys from the sky like a madman. They kept raining down, and you had to bust ‘em up until there were none left. It was extremely satisfying and I much rather play this bonus stage than any other.

See the $100 bills? That's EARTHBOUND money right there playa
Konami made you believe it was the real deal

Besides the concept and killer sound effects, I love this bonus round because unlike 90 to 95% of bonus rounds you come across in the genre, this one is actually quite challenging. You need a plan of attack rather than just mindlessly pound away. There were enough safes that ya barely had enough time, and it was SO cool how they can topple over (and knock you out, too).

Sure. I mean, leave it to Mikey to be the voice of reason, right?
Leave it to Mikey to be the voice of reason, eh?
My bad, yo. That's on me
My bad, yo. That’s on me


Only in Japan? Those 3 words have never been said before...
Only in Japan: such words have never been said before…

There a few notable differences between the American and Japanese versions of the SNES game. In Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Mutant Warriors (to give it its Japanese namesake), among the differences include Rat King’s extra stage bit, where combatants can be knocked through the wall revealing the control room of Studio 6.


The other difference is the censorship of Aska. In the Japanese version you can see her buttocks a bit, but they covered it up in the North American version.


Pros: It's Casey! Cons: Er, yeah...
Pros: It’s Casey! Cons: Er, yeah…

In what very well might be the first and ONLY time in gaming history, Konami released simultaneously three games of the same name on the NES, Genesis and SNES, but with very different game engines and rosters. While cool of them to diversify like that, it was clear SNES owners received the superior version. The Genesis version is broken and by comparison, crap. By late ’93, the Genesis was starting to look like the grandfather on the block while the SNES was just hitting its prime. With Tournament Fighters released across all three platforms, it was clear (at least in my mind) who the king of the jungle was. I was happy to own all three systems, but Super Nintendo was clearly KING in my household.

Props for even bothering to try...
Props for even bothering to try…

The 8-bit NES game is not even worth talking about from a gameplay standpoint; although, it does make for a fun water cooler topic as far as near final NES releases go. The NES was gasping its last breath by late ’93, so any title released was newsworthy, indeed. This was just a painful reminder though that my dear old friend couldn’t keep up with a changing of the guard. I love the 8-bit Nintendo and Sega Genesis, but I’m just calling it like I see it. When Tournament Fighters came out on all three systems, it was like a subtle declaration in my own heart which of those three systems reigned supreme.


The game was chock full of codes
The game was chock full of codes
But one code stood above the rest...
But one code stood above the rest…


And on a cold night in January '94, I somehow cracked the code!
And on a cold night in January ’94, I cracked the code
Well, it ends as legendary as it began...
Well, it ends as legendary as it began…

I sat there completely dumbfounded, my jaw on the ground. I had to do a double take. Right there in my friend’s room, I could play as the Rat King or Karai. I ran downstairs to tell my friends about it. I still remember the skeptical looks on their faces, and how they kept saying, “Dude, this better not be a hoax. I’m about to eat some KFC!” They followed behind me as I took the stairs 2 steps at a time. I stood at the doorway and stretched my hand out as to welcome them in. One by one they filed in and I stood there still in the doorway smiling when I heard the collective HOLY SHIT! cries. I can’t tell you how red my hand got that night because of all the high fives. They asked what the code was, and sadly, I had no clue. We left the game on the entire night just so we could play as the bosses. When we finally turned it off at 12 something in the morning, we turned it right back on so I could try the code again. No such luck. Whatever I punched in randomly before was now gone.

The very next month I saw this printed in the pages of EGM...
The very next month I saw this printed in EGM

The infamous boss code. Right there in all its glory. Looking back, it’s a fond memory for me. The thrill of cracking the code, the joys of sharing it with my friends, creating a lifetime memory. Back then, you couldn’t just log into damn GameFAQs for your hints and secrets, oh no. It was either through tip sections in gaming magazines like such, or plain discovering ‘em yourself through dumb luck. Discovering the boss code made me the man of my group for that one epic night, anyhow, and I recall with deep fondness just the sights, sounds and smells of that great night. The KFC aroma in the air, the thundering footsteps up the stairs, the tingling rush that I felt sweeping every fiber of my being when I saw Rat King and Karai on the select screen, the cries of sheer joy from my friends, as though we just collectively won the Mega Million Lottery, and the stinging high fives. Man, we must have played like 3 straight hours that night. Boss code, how I miss you and your simplicity. Boy, were things different back then. I’m very grateful I was lucky enough to have grown up when I did. When gaming with friends was all that mattered.

20+ years ago this all went down, eh? Oh my, I'm a dinosaur now
20+ years ago this all went down, eh? I feel old

Look, she’s taunting me! GRR! So, I discovered the most wanted code and could have won a free game from EGM, but I couldn’t remember the code anyway, so Konami giving it to EGM first was a moot point as it would turn out. I suppose that softened the blow for not being able to remember the damn code!


Konami serves up yet another SNES classic. LET'S KICK SHELL!
Konami with another SNES classic. LET’S KICK SHELL!

Tournament Fighters was received well by the press. It garnered high scores across the board and I can’t recall anyone ever having a bad thing to say of it. From the critics to regular gamers like you and me, the game was beloved and extolled by many. It is also widely regarded as one of the better fighting games on the SNES. EGM gave it scores of 8, 9, 9 and 9. GameFan rated it 85, 92, 96 and 96%. Super Play Magazine scored it 90%. It was not only one of the BEST fighting games of 1993, but one of the best games, period, that year. One play and it’s easy to see why the game had so many diehard supporters. It succeeds where most clones fail miserably: it’s fun, fast, fluid and to boot it’s the TEENAGE MUTANT f*ckin’ NINJA TURTLES!

Tournament Fighters joins the canonization of great SNES games
Tournament Fighters joins the ranks of great SNES titles
It built up a massive tidal wave of supporters [Ya had to huh -Ed.]
It built up a massive tidal wave of supporters…


20+ years later, this one hit wonder still awaits a proper sequel
20+ years later, this game still holds up well

Tournament Fighters is a fantastic fighting game. In fact I think it’s the best SNES-exclusive fighter. In an age where crap clones were slapped together and shipped out the door like no tomorrow, Tournament Fighters was groomed for success. It’s packed full of quality from top to bottom. Those graphics are bright, bold and classic mid ’90s SNES magic. The sound and music both hit the mark, with tunes you can rock out to. The fighting game engine just feels right. Jumps aren’t floaty. Physics don’t feel off. It’s extremely well polished. What can I say, I loved it 20+ years ago, and even still to this day I’ll play it for a round or two, or 50. It’s not better than Street Fighter II Turbo but came DAMN closer than most.

She asked for my snake, but I gave her the dragon
She asked for my snake, but I gave her the dragon

But best of all, how about the wild Ultimate Attacks, eh? Whether you prefer to call them desperation moves, super specials or death moves, there’s no denying they are a game changer. They added an extra layer to the battles, encouraging the player to be offensive-minded. For balance, the weaker your health, the easier it is to fill up your extra bar. Likewise, the stronger you are, the harder it is to fill it up. Tournament Fighters did a lot of cool things, but for me the Ultimate Attacks come to mind first. Whether it was a giant ass mythical dragon or a deadly tidal wave screaming across the TV, it was jaw dropping and all part of the fun. Like fine wine, the game has aged tremendously well. Konami delivered again, crafting a finely tuned fighting game that exudes meticulous care and is bursting with quality from every seam. Sure, a bigger roster including the likes of Rocksteady, Bebop, Krang, and Casey Jones would have been perfect, but the list of negatives are short and brief.


Konami sure did hit a home run here, as they often did back in the ’90s. There aren’t many home-grown fighting games on the SNES, and the only ones giving Tournament Fighters any run for its money are: Ranma ½: Chōgi Rambu Hen and Mobile Suit Gundam Wing: Endless Duel. Some other SNES-grown fighters include Tuff Enuff, WeaponLord and Double Dragon V. Of all of them, I’d happily play this game the most. To me it’s a LEGIT Super Nintendo classic. It’s a quality fighting game with an engine that stands the test of time well. I still break it out on occasion to pass the odd evening or two. I will forever harbor fond memories of this game, from Kerwin’s unbelievable stamp of approval to my parents buying it after Christmas to the night I randomly unlocked Rat King and Karai… DAMN, the nostalgic goodness just goes on and on. Tournament Fighters, I salute thee!

Rest In Peace James Avery. You will be missed. 11.27.45-12.31.13
Rest In Peace, James Avery. 11.27.45-12.31.13
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles IV: Turtles in Time... coming soon-ish
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles IV: Turtles in Time coming…

Graphics: 9
Sound: 9
Gameplay: 9
Longevity: 9

Overall: 9.0

Gold Award
Gold Award


NBA Give ‘N Go (SNES)

Pub: Konami | Dev: KCEO | Nov. '95 | 16 MEGS
Pub: Konami | Dev: KCEO | Nov. ’95 | 16 MEGS

One of the thrills of growing up during the mid ’90s were all the awesome arcade games just waiting for you to plop a quarter in. And the longing hopes and dreams that one day soon the spirit and essence of your favorite arcade title would receive a respectable enough translation on your 16-bit console of choice. They never captured the arcade original perfectly, but the best ports brought home a piece of the arcade. Sometimes you didn’t have to wait very long. Other times, it would be years later. Such was the case for NBA Give ‘N Go. Was it worth the wait? Strap on your squeaky sneakers and let’s take a look.


THE arcade game for basketball junkies
THE arcade game for basketball junkies

… there was Run ‘N Gun. It was loud, in your face and full of that early-mid ’90s arcade wonder. Walk into any arcade hall more than 20 years ago and you would be bombarded by dazzling lights and ear-crunching sound effects all vying for your quarter’s attention. Right in the thick of the Golden Fighting Game era, Konami released a basketball game that emphasized action and fun over strategy and simulation (although it certainly had some of that too, especially when compared to NBA Jam). My brother, friends and I immediately fell in love with it. And we were counting down the days until it would be ported over for either the Sega Genesis or the Super Nintendo. Our wish came true but unfortunately, no sooner than two plus years later.

Nothing like throwing down a monster jam
Nothing like throwing down a monster jam
The rich bold colors captivated me
The rich bold colors captivated me

My brother was a huge basketball nut back in 1993. Me? The sport was OK. I liked it reasonably well enough, but I didn’t go out of my way to catch the games when it came across the ol’ telly. To be honest, at 10 years old I was far more interested in playing video games or watching WWF wrestling. But my perspective on the game of basketball all took a turn on one particularly fateful day…


The day I became a basketball lover for life
The day I became a basketball lover for life

Monday, May 29, 1995 is a day I’ll never forget. Hard to believe the other day marked 21 years since that fateful day…

It was Game 4 of the Eastern Conference Finals which pitted the young uprising Orlando Magic vs. the Indiana Pacers. I was at the local mall walking past Radio Shack when I saw they had the game playing on 10 TV screens. There were 3 people standing there, watching in angst and talking in-between plays. I joined, making it a crowd of 4. The game was in the final 3 minutes, and as the drama unfolded, the crowd steadily grew from 4 to 8 to 12. Even the employees stopped what they were doing and joined our huddle.

These are the moments you live for as a sports fan (as I would come to find out), and to boot it was one of the greatest finishes EVER in NBA playoff history.

With under 15 seconds to go, this improbable sequence took place:

  • Brian Shaw’s 3 pointer gave the Magic the 1 point lead
  • Reggie Miller answered with one of his own, putting the Pacers back up by 2 causing the Indiana crowd to erupt in a frenzy
  • Mere seconds later the player many then believed would carry Jordan’s torch as well as the NBA into the new millennium, Anfernee “Penny” Hardaway, nailed a dramatic heart breaking 3, giving the Magic a 1 point lead with 1.3 seconds to go. It left the sold out capacity crowd in stunned silence
Penny in his prime was something special
Penny in his prime was something special

As the game went to its final commercial break there was a deafening buzz within Radio Shack’s small confines. I was right in the middle of it and the raw adrenaline was indescribable. I felt like I was at the game myself!

To this day I still can hear that classic NBA on NBC theme, being played on no less than TEN television monitors, in full blast stereo reverberating throughout the store and the entire mall itself. It’s one of those vivid childhood memories that haunts me to the core… even 21 years later.

Suddenly we were no longer just a bunch of strangers, no. This playoff basketball game magically banded us together. We were basketball fans, enjoying and living up the moment.

I saw basketball in a new light — the likes of which I hadn’t seen before. There was strategy, there were tactics. Beyond that, I started appreciating the concept of teamwork and five different people of varying size and skills working as one well oiled machine.

That day I developed a much deeper appreciation for basketball. It’s the moment I became a fan for life.

Fakes... shoots... HE HITS HE HITS HE HITS!!!
“Fakes, shoots and — HE HITS HE HITS!!”

Down 1 with 1.3 seconds left, the ball made its way to the dunking Dutchman, Rik Smits. He faked, shot and the ball ripped nothing but net as the buzzer sounded off. The place became unglued and the roof blew off. Radio Shack’s walls were shaking as we all screamed, jumping up and down in pure disbelief at what we had just witnessed on the 10 TV monitors that stood before us.

I was only 11 years old while everyone else around me in the store was probably 20 or older. Those 15 minutes or so catching the 4th quarter and cheering and booing madly at the TV screen with a bunch of folks I never met before… PRICELESS. I remember on the car ride home in the backseat I kept replaying the events in my head… thinking to myself that that was the coolest thing that ever happened to me so far in my young life. Ha! But the moment was nothing short of magic.

I think back 21  years ago… part of me can’t believe it, you know. It was the best NBA Playoff game I ever saw, and to this day, I have not seen a game better or more dramatic than the one that occurred on May 29, 1995 — the Memorial Day Miracle.

Memorial Day Miracle 2.0...
Memorial Day Miracle 2.0… nothing like witnessing heroics and an arena erupting

Yesterday brought back some goosebumps and fond memories for me… as the Golden State Warriors battled the Oklahoma City Thunder in a decisive Game 7… also on Memorial Day. 21 years later ALMOST TO THE DAY… it was a miracle that the Warriors were able to storm back and push the series to a 7th and final game, as they were down 3-1 but not only down — they looked completely out of it. Somehow, they dug deep and Steph Curry and Klay Thompson knocked down some ridiculous 3 point shots. It was a nice dramatic game but the Warriors eventually won 96-88. It’s hard to compare it to the Pacers-Magic game 21 years ago, but it certainly was special in its own unique way.

I just wish they would bring back that classic NBA theme regardless of which station the games emanate from. There’s nothing comparable to John Tesh’s amazing Roundball Rock score!


Why not try the Konami code here?
Why not try the Konami code here?
Up, up, down, down...
Up, up, down, down…
Gonna replicate the Memorial Day Miracle from '95
Gonna replicate the Memorial Day Miracle from ’95

All NBA teams and players are here, including that year’s All-Star selections. The Shooting Stars and Supreme Team are five player teams that consist of the best five players from each conference. Think of it as a Dream Team. You can also edit it to form your own fantasy team. More on this later.

Find out who's hot and who's not tonight
Find out who’s hot and who’s not tonight

Give ‘N Go has an interesting quirk where players are rated per stars. Three max. This changes from game to game randomly. It basically indicates how the player is “feeling” that game. The more stars, the higher chance he’ll have at making baskets. It’s a unique feature that factors in the “human” element of players’ feelings on a game by game basis. You can still have a good game with a guy who has zero stars, but it’s tougher. Hey, maybe his wife cheated on him that day, who knows! Like a box of chocolate, ya never know what you might get.

Hoping to see lots of stars was just part of the fun
This is an example of a time you want to see stars

I can’t think of any other 16-bit basketball game that gauges how a player is feeling on a game-to-game basis. It’s fun firing the game up and hoping to see many stars across the board. As it was randomly generated game by game, it added an extra element of spice.

Sometimes it would spur me to sit a starter for a bench player — say if the starter had zero stars and the capable bench player was feeling particularly spry with three stars. Good stuff.

C'mon, you know it's coming. Oh yeah...
C’mon, you know it’s coming. Oh yeah…
MODE 7 MADNESS!!! *Monster Truck Voice Guy*
A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away...
A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away…
The game nails it in the presentation department
The game nails it in the presentation department

Miller is cocked and ready to shoot [That's what she said -Ed.]
Miller, cocked, ready to shoot! That came out wrong
You gotta love how big the players are. There’s a nice ‘thickness’ to them [That’s what she said -Ed.] and they really do look like the actual stars themselves. Can you tell that’s Reggie Miller there? Quite easily, I’d wager. Look at the defensive stance of that bloke over there — very realistic eh? One hand guards the ball, the other guards the passing lane. Hey, I aced Beginning and Intermediate Basketball in my day, ya know? Picked up a few tricks along the way ;)

If it's Reggie, it's good. It's Miller Time
If it’s Reggie, it’s good. It’s Miller Time


Miller soars up with the greatest of ease as Nick Anderson is caught with sand in his shoes. Great visuals, eh? Now this is basketball! Player mechanics are accurately mimicked.

Nothing like the dramatic bounce of the ball...
Nothing like the dramatic bounce of the ball…
Gotta love those lucky bounces :)
Gotta love those lucky bounces :)
Run back to your invisible bench and coach
Run back to your invisible bench and coach
"The Pacers have to do a better job of converting those dunks"
“Pacers have to do a better job converting those dunks.”

“And after one it’s a real tight ball game we have here today, Bob.”

“Indeed. If this is a sign of things to come, fans I hope you’re all strapped in — it’s gonna be one heck of a ride!”

“What a great first quarter of action, Bob.”

“Can’t ask for much more on this beautiful Memorial Day, 1995!”

“It just may come down to a buzzer beating last second shot for one of these teams…”

Will the "Dunking Dutchman" live up to his name?
Will the “Dunking Dutchman” live up to his name?
Perhaps next time, then
Perhaps next time, then
Never know what these players are thinking or saying during the course of a game!
Never know what they’re thinking during the game


Pacers really surged ahead in that 2nd quarter
Pacers really surged ahead in that 2nd quarter
Speed depends on the player's actual FT % from that NBA season
Speed depends on the player’s free throw %
Damn, times are tougher than I thought!
Damn, times are tougher than I thought!
Not quite the Memorial Day Miracle barn burner, eh?
Not quite the Memorial Day Miracle barn burner, eh?

Life is like a hurricane
HERE IN… Duckburg
Race cars, lasers, airplanes
Might solve a mystery…
Or rewrite history!


Ahem, sorry… [You’re fired -Ed.]

Love seeing the stats at the end. Sorry no Shaq
Love seeing the stats at the end. Sorry no Shaq
A solid all-around team performance, with Miller leading the charge
Everyone contributed, with Miller leading the charge


NBA Give 'N Go_00009

Nothing humbles the opposition quite like a big time block. I love how that one Magic player is running back up the other side of the court… thinking his teammate has got the basket. Uh, I’ve got something to say about that…

This must be awkward...
This must be awkward…

NBA Give 'N Go_00000

Thankfully, NBA Give ‘N Go gives players an option. When going for a slam dunk, you can press the shoot button to change the dunk animation into a layup midway through!

Very handy indeed
Very handy indeed

It keeps the opposition honest, and because the game is so block friendly, this scoring alternative is a God send, especially in two player games with a buddy.

Pump fake...
Pump fake…
Hustle around...
Hustle around…
Cock the ball back...
Cock the ball back…
... and destroy that rim!
… and destroy that rim!
Few things are as satisfying
Few things are as satisfying
Rodman's liable to shoot from right there, the nut!
Rodman is liable to shoot from right there, the nut!

As I said earlier, players look like the real players. Here you see Dennis Rodman in all his crazy madness. Unfortunately though, the game does not account for the size differences. John Stockton is just as tall as Patrick Ewing. Shame about that, but oh well, what can ya do? [Play NBA Jam -Ed.]

Gotta love the Garden
Gotta love the Garden

One of the really neat things about Give ‘N Go is seeing all the different NBA arenas. Though they’re not as unique as, say, baseball parks, some of them definitely have their own sense of history and atmosphere. It’s one thing this game definitely has over any other SNES basketball title, such as the NBA Live and NBA Jam series.

This is my go-to court to play on
This is my go-to court to play on

But my absolute favorite is easily the All-Star court. With its brightly colored court, it just makes it fun to shoot at all odd corners of the floor. I don’t know what it is about that, but on this court, I just love pulling up for 17, 18 foot jump shots. Something about shooting on that solid purple floor is mighty addicting…

The two Dream Teams add some replay value to the game
The two Dream Teams add some extra replay value
Have at it and have it your way
Have at it and have it your way


North American owners got gypped!
North American owners got gypped!

Don’t know why but the Japanese version of this game is battery-backed, while the US version received a super crappy password feature to save the regular season games. Talk about absurd — look how long the password is!

"Um... I just got out of the pool. No really!"
“Um… I just got out of the pool. No really!”

HUH! Yep, sometimes players will shrink for a very brief period of time. It doesn’t affect gameplay — at least so far that I’ve been able to witness — it’s more of a sight gag if anything. I guess it’s just the SNES straining from the odd time to time. Give ‘N Go is no Killer Instinct or DOOM in terms of pushing the system to the limits, but it also wasn’t Super Tennis.

Look at the Pacers' 3 point percentage...
Look at the Pacers’ 3 point percentage — 3 for 17?!

It’s easy hitting 3 point shots in the 1st quarter. After that, oddly enough, it becomes hard even if you’re a 3 point specialist like Reggie Miller. Not saying it’s impossible to nail 3 point shots past the 1st quarter — it just becomes much harder. Why this is, I have no idea. But it does put a bit of a damper on the game. See, the Magic hit 1 out of 2, but I kept chucking threes into the 2nd half of the game, and I kept missing them (even with a dead-eye shooter such as Reggie). Not cool.


  • - Rim physics aren’t realistic (then again, it IS an arcade game)
  • - Whoever is running down court has a disadvantage. The rim on the bottom half of the court isn’t visible at all times
  • - Stat tracking leaves something to be desired. No assists — what?
  • - Guards are as tall as centers. Those who can’t dunk in real life can dunk in the game
  • - Alley oop system can be abused
  • - Gameplay is not as quick as NBA Jam or NBA Live. It may feel too slow for some folks. Personally, I think it still plays fine in spite of the less-than-stellar speed


  • + I gotta give PROPS to the announcer. He’s pretty wacky. “REBOUND AND JAAAM!”  (adds to the early-mid ’90s arcade feel of the game)
  • + Speaking of the sound, unlike many basketball games, Give ‘N Go actually incorporates music during the game. I found the upbeat melodies to be pleasant
  • + Visually, the game’s quite ace. Players are huge and easy to make out. Amazing little details like Dennis Rodman’s wild hair and Horace Grant’s goggles give the game a sense of “life” and personality. Plus the NBA courts are nicely detailed
  • + Another praise for the 0 to 3 star rank system. On any given night, any player can be a capable threat. Some nights your star players will feel like superstars. But on other nights however, perhaps your 10th man on the bench is feeling particularly spry. It’s all randomly generated and you never know who’s feeling hot (or not) on any given night. Cool feature if you ask me! It’s nice too that 0 star players can STILL have a big game for you… 3 stars only mean he’s THAT much more capable
  • + Rarely slows down. Impressive considering the size of ten big players running around
  • + Can edit your own Dream Team of stars and scrubs however you like
  • + Menus and game presentation is absolutely top-notch and crisp
  • + It’s RUN ‘N GUN on your SNES! Or at least, halfway close enough. 4-player games rock :)
  • + GameFan gave it scores of 84 and 86%. Super Play rated it 85%


There's a nice simple charm to this game :)
There’s a nice simple charm to this game :)

I still remember fondly the day I rented this game in late ’95 for me and my brother. Back in the day he always had me rent the games he wanted, but for a change, we both couldn’t wait to play this. We loved it. It was a long wait, but Give ‘N Go did not disappoint. It brought home the large colorful graphics, the squeaky sneakers, massive slam dunks, monster block shots and thrilling games that came right down to the final second. It’s not without flaws though: the game plays slower than other SNES basketball titles. It’s hard to make 3 point shots after the 1st quarter, the alley oop feature can be abused (though easily fixed by agreeing to have a “1 per quarter” limit or so), player sizes are all the same so Stockton can dunk (yeah right!) just as well as Shawn Kemp, and so on. But you know what, this was never the perfect basketball game to begin with. What it was — and as I found out recently — what it *IS*… is a damn fun basketball game with an impeccable arcade-like feel. In many ways I liken it to Super Baseball 2020. Taken for what it was intended to be, it does its job well. I have as much fun with NBA Give ‘N Go today as I did over 20 years ago. Anytime I can say that, that game’s all right by me. It’s not the first basketball title I pull off my shelf to play, but it’s a nice alternative to the NBA Lives and Jams of the world, for sure. Give ‘N Go does an admirable job of bringing the zany arcade experience home.

Can't wait for Warriors-Cavs 2.0!
Can’t wait for Warriors-Cavs 2.0!

Hard for me to believe it’s been 21 years now since that epic Memorial Day playoff game between the Pacers and Magic. It was the game that cemented me as a basketball fan for life. What a mad finish! And what a shot by Rik Smits!  From the classic NBA on NBC tune to the countless strangers huddled around that Radio Shack monitor cheering and booing, it was one hell of a way to kick off the final summer of my preadolescence. Some images, some sounds and some smells stay with you for a lifetime. May 29, 1995 was such a day for me :)

NBA Give ‘N Go is a fond reminder of the good old days. When times and things were a bit simpler. When you could walk into an arcade hall not five blocks from your house, smell the piping hot cheese and have your ears tickled by the innocent laughter of children. Not only is it a nostalgic blast, I find Give ‘N Go still holds up to this day. It plays on the slower side but it’s also presented in a light that makes it stand out compared to any other SNES basketball game. Better late than never? Yes. Or perhaps I should say, “YES SIR!” [Pack yer things -Ed.]

Graphics: 8.5
Sound: 7.5
Gameplay: 7
Longevity: 8.5

Overall: 7.5

Bronze AwardBronze Award


X-Men: Mutant Apocalypse (SNES)

Pub: Capcom | Dev: Capcom | Nov. '94 | 16 MEGS
Pub & Dev: Capcom | November 1994 | 16 MEGS

Yesterday saw the release of the latest X-Men movie: X-Men Apocalypse. As I sat in my seat waiting for the lights to dim and the first trailer to play, I couldn’t help but think back 20+ years to the time Capcom released X-Men: Mutant Apocalypse on the SNES. All in all, I enjoyed the movie but felt it was a bit disappointing. Is that foreshadowing for the game itself? But as always, I’m getting ahead of myself a bit. Let’s rewind the clock back some shall we…


A staple of many childhoods in 1991
A staple of many childhoods in 1991

If you were a child of the early ’90s, chances were you somehow got mixed up in the superhero subculture. It was simply a sign of the times. From trading cards to cartoons to toys to video games, superheroes and super villains dominated the scene. My brother, our friends and I used to hang out at this card shop, Triple Play. It was right next to the local library and a mom and pop rental shop. What a great time to be a kid! We spent hours of our childhood down at the card shop, buying the newest Marvel ’91 series and trading them. When we weren’t trading or buying them, we played the Street Fighter II arcade cab right in the store. It was just an amazing time to be a young kid.

Who didn't love the bar stats on the back?
Who didn’t love the bar stats on the back?

My favorite thing about the Marvel ’91 cards? Hands down the enticing stats on the back of the cards. This is where my obsession with numbers and ratings probably first developed, and a large reason (EGM is another factor) as to why I personally like to rate video games. To me numbers have always been a fun snapshot at things. I remember Fin Fang Foom’s stats were off the charts. He had something nuts like three 7’s. Fun times.

It's 'uncanny' how bad this game is
Uncanny how bad this game is

As a kid I remember thinking to myself how badly I wanted to play a really good superhero game, particularly at home. Uncanny X-Men (NES) definitely failed to deliver on that front.


NES Wolverine? Better than Uncanny X-Men, but nope.


NES Silver Surfer? Heavens no.


NES Captain America and the Avengers? Try again.

Remember wasting hours and quarters with this game?
Remember wasting hours and quarters with this game?

My wish for a good superhero game came true in 1991 with the arcade quarter muncher, Captain America and the Avengers. I was counting down until the inevitable Super Nintendo port. Unfortunately…

... we got this steaming pile of turd
We got this steaming pile of turd

When the port arrived, I nearly cried tears of sadness. It was such a watered down attempt and easily one of the most disappointing arcade ports to ever hit the SNES. My dreams were crushed. But a year later…

Now that's more like it!
Now that’s more like it!

The X-Men arcade game is one of the most iconic multiplayer arcade games ever created. When it hit the scene in 1992, it took everyone by storm, pardon the pun. I was eagerly anticipating the SNES translation but alas, it was never meant to be.

The cab was a monster. Unlike anything ever seen
The cab was a monster. Unlike anything ever seen

Just look at that hulking beast. Six player cabinet. It was truly worthy of the superhero name. My friends and I loved dumping quarters into this machine and we pumped hours into this one like none other. I always used Colossus. That was my guy!

One of the coolest cartoons ever
One of the coolest cartoon series ever

That same year, Halloween 1992 to be precise, the X-Men cartoon hit television screens the world over. And our Saturday mornings would never be the same again. There was only one thing missing: a proper Super Nintendo representation of the X-Men. Finally, two years later, X-Men: Mutant Apocalypse was announced for the SNES. Better yet, it was developed by ever reliable firm, Capcom. Surely the Big C wouldn’t let us superhero fanboys down, would they? Surely console owners would finally get a good superhero game? Well, for the most part anyway. Let us delve in, then…


X-Men - Mutant Apocalypse (E)_00000

Right off the bat you have the choice of using one of five different members from the X-Men force. Each mutant has his or her own unique mission to complete. Each level is designed with that mutant’s abilities well in mind. After you finish off the first five stages, the game allows you to select any mutant to use on the final handful of levels. I like that each mutant has his or her own unique mission to begin with, and I like how Capcom allows you to select them in whichever order you please. It’s very Mega Man-esque. Let’s begin with my favorite of the group…

Wolverine knows how to make an entrance
“Here’s Johnny!”

Wolverine always knew how to make one hell of a dramatic entrance, didn’t he? Things start off hot as the savage mutant comes bursting out of a elevated window. Now that’s what I’m talking about!

Ryu and Ken would be proud
Ryu and Ken would be proud

Each character has a few special moves that are executed via Street Fighter II-esque motions. As expected from a firm such as Capcom, the controls are tight and responsive. Pulling off special moves left and right is as easy as 1-2-3. I particularly love Wolverine’s Dragon Punch. I always thought to myself as a kid that it blows the real Dragon Punch out of the water on account of the flesh-cutting adamantium claws. Sorry Ken, not even your Burning Dragon Punch stands a chance.

Love the massive sprites
Love the massive sprites

This is a recurring mid-boss that you’ll encounter throughout the game. I was intimidated as hell when I first saw it as a kid, but it’s more bark than bite.

I'm a sucker for the red flash
“Come here, bub!”
Rock climbing must be a cinch for him
Rock climbing expertise

Wolverine can interact with his environment in the way of scaling tall walls. It’s not implemented as much as I would have liked, but the few bits you get to do it it’s undoubtedly satisfying.

OUCH, double whammy!
OUCH, double whammy!

Not only does that enemy get the worst of Wolverine’s claws, but he also got knocked into the razor-sharp robotic fingers for extra damage. Small moments like this delight — it’s a shame then that they’re too few and far between.

"Give me a hand will ya?"
“Give me a hand will ya?”

A giant pissed off Sentinel guards the end of Wolverine’s stage. Goons and cronies will come at you from both sides, so dispatch them quickly. The laser beams create a somewhat spooky look for the Sentinel. A nice, creepy touch.

Just another mantelpiece
Just another mantelpiece

Shades of Contra III

It felt so good zapping bad guys
It felt so good zapping bad guys

Cyclops, not surprisingly, is slower to control than Wolverine. He’s also a bigger target which makes avoiding hits a bit more difficult. But he has one thing on Wolverine: long distance attacks. His optic blast is basic, but effective.

Watch the background
Watch the background
And line yourself up accordingly
And line yourself up accordingly

Somehow, this never gets old :)

What goes up...
What goes up…
... must come down
… must come down
Let 'er rip: Cyclops is pure devastation
Let ‘er rip!
Shades of M. Bison's Scissors Kick
Shades of M. Bison’s Scissors Kick

Gambit’s long legs allow him to take out the opposition within a very generous radius. The coolest part is seeing two bad guys approaching you, from both sides, and knocking them out in stereo with the Scissors Kick.

Even cooler is attacking them from below
Mega Man Gambit ain’t

Even cooler is when you deliver death from below. You just can’t beat it.

What a lovely night
What a lovely night
I love the preview in the background
Lovely background
Shoot and slide
Shoot and slide
Love how he flinches!
Make that bastard flinch like hell!
You don't bring a gun to a card fight
Don’t bring a gun to a card fight
Imagine Beast teaming with Blanka
Shades of Blanka
Where have I seen this before...
Where have I seen this before…
It's a pretty epic fight while it lasts
You again, huh?

What makes Beast unique from the others is his ability to hang from ledges. It sort of makes the game feel a bit like Metal Storm, at least, for a few minutes anyhow. An interesting gimmick that isn’t fully fleshed out due to the shortness of this level (in fact, all the levels are criminally short).

You gotta go through 3 Sentinels
What’s worse than a Sentinel? 3
"A feat with my feet that could lead to your defeat!"
“A feat with my feet that could lead to your defeat!”
A nice foreshadowing for what's to come
Lovely foreshadowing…
Olivia Munn, I mean, Psylocke gets blasted out of the air
“Y’all done f*cked up now…”
Nice, Capcom. Nice
Nice, Capcom. Nice
"Hey bozo, over here!"
“Hey bozo, over here!”
Move it, Olivia Munn! Er, Psylocke
Sweet Jesus
Sweet Jesus

Who doesn’t love a good old fashioned screen-filling boss? We all have our own form of video game fetishes. For me it’s definitely towering end-level bosses and…

Paint the town red
… seeing them flash red like mad

I know. I need to seek professional help [Please, take all the time off you need… -Ed.]

Passwords are given once you get past the initial 5 stages
Passwords are given later on

You also get to use whichever character you want for the game’s remaining stages. Of course, different characters are more effective in certain stages. It’s fun to explore but I just wish the levels were longer.

Here comes the Brood...
Here comes the Brood…
The Brood debut 3 years after Alien
Brood debut 3 years after Alien
Atmospheric level this is
Atmospheric level this is
Say hello to the matriarch
Say hello to the matriarch

Shortest level ever [Har har -Ed.]
Shortest level ever [Har har -Ed.]
No seriously, it really is. Walk about 20 feet over and then it’s boss time. What the flipping heck, Capcom? Makes you wonder if development on this game was rushed for it to hit store shelves in time for the Christmas season push…

Of all mutants, TUSK!?
Of all mutants, TUSK!?

Some of the choices boggles the mind, but on the bright size, the Tusk sprite looks pretty damn awesome. Look at how he towers over Wolverine. Heck, you can even see his bulging muscles. Great attention to detail for an otherwise forgettable boss.

Yeah, don't stand underneath that
Yep, don’t stand underneath that

Speaking of bright sides, at least there are a few fun little gimmicks thrown in here. You can knock Tusk into the lava BUT do watch out for that falling lift!

"Come and get me, bub!"
“Come and get me, bub!”

Just for fun, I like scaling the wall and making the bastard try to reach me. It’s oddly entertaining but then, the little things tend to be that way, don’t they?

Wanted: DASH button
Wanted: DASH button

The next level forces you to move swiftly as a lava gives chase. This is where the game sure could have used a dash option. Thankfully each of the characters have some sort of dashing special move you can pull off as a substitute for a lack of a dash button, except for Cyclops (who I definitely don’t recommend you selecting here).

Is it just me or is it HOT?!
Is it just me or is it HOT?!

Get stuck in front of a pillar though and you’ll have to smash your way through. This can cause for some intense moments to say the least!

I'm sweating bullets over here...
I’m sweating bullets over here…
Thank God that's over with...
Thank God that’s over with…
"Oh for f*ck's sake!"
“Oh for f*ck’s sake!”
"Move it or lose it, bub!"
“Move it or lose it, bub!”
They never listen...
They never listen…
Cutting it way too close!
Cutting it way too close!
His Tornado Claw never gets old
His Tornado Claw never gets old
Meet Apocalypse...
Meet Apocalypse…
... wait, that's it?
… wait, that’s it?

For a big bad boss whose name is featured in the game title itself, the encounter with Apocalypse is a bit underwhelming to say the least. His special moves all sort of look weird and as it turns out, he’s not even the final boss. After defeating him you’re transported back to the Danger Room for more training. It’s a bit jarring… almost like Capcom said, “Oh crap, we need to throw in a little more shit because this game is way too short!”

Enter Omega Red
Enter Omega Red
And Juggernaut
And Juggernaut
Ugh, I hate this level...
Move it, Logan!
Exodus was such an annoying boss fight
Exodus can be VERY annoying

After this it’s off to face the final bad guy of the game: Magneto. Good luck.


EGM's biggest issue ever, December 1994
EGM’s biggest issue ever, #65, December 1994

I have fond memories of EGM issue number 65. It came right in time for the holiday season of 1994 (what I consider to be an epic year both personally and in terms of gaming) and clocked in at over a massive 400 pages! I always said EGM sold their souls to the devil… for EGM in my humble estimation was never the same again after producing this tree-killing monster of an issue. I remember the joke that this issue was bigger than some small towns’ phone books! And I believe that. It had a badass cover featuring X-Men: Mutant Apocalypse. The critics were not too kind to this game. EGM gave it ratings of 8, 8, 8 and 7. But GameFan, who was notorious for handing out high scores like free condiments, gave it shockingly “low” scores of 78, 75 and 70%. Super Play Magazine, who were much harder graders in general (not to mention they weren’t huge fans of the beat ‘em up genre) rated this game 52%. Public fan reception has been a little more positive though. Most gamers would agree that this is a pretty good game, especially by X-Men standards at that time.

Size matters
Size matters. Oh, how the mighty have fallen


It's fun to tear sh*t up

I enjoyed playing this game back in 1994, and revisiting it again this past week leading up to the new X-Men movie has been, for the most part, an enjoyable experience. It’s definitely not Capcom’s best effort and certainly feels rushed at times, but it’s still quite fun to play through the game using the various characters and utilizing their unique special moves. The graphics are big, bright and bold — it has that classic SNES look to it where you just know at a glance that it was made in the year 1994 (if that makes sense). It has a pretty rockin’ soundtrack to boot. Not in the same league as say a Mega Man X or a Donkey Kong Country but I dare say it more than holds its own. Control is tight and crisp, but the levels are way too short. Just as you’re about to sink your teeth into a stage, it ends. It leaves you with sort of an empty feeling. It’s fun while it lasts, but it never lasts long enough to kick the game playing experience into that extra gear that very good or great games have. Had Capcom spent a little more time fine tuning this aspect, this game could truly have been one of their many SNES classics. Instead, it’s simultaneously disappointing yet fairly solid in spite of its flaws.

Where's Colossus when ya need 'im?!
Paging Colossus…

I don’t mind single-plane beat ‘em ups, although I prefer more traditional “free roaming” ones such as Final Fight or Streets of Rage, but it works here. The inclusion of special moves done via Street Fighter II motions is pretty neat, and there’s a little more platforming here than seen in most typical beat ‘em ups. Instead of each mutant having a “clear all” attack that takes a little health off their health, each one has special mutant powers that can be executed without penalty or limit. I thought that was a pretty cool twist on the whole beat ‘em up trope. X-Men: Mutant Apocalypse feels like a bit of an amalgam of three classic genres: beat ‘em up, action platformer and in some cases, hints of a 2D one on one fighter. There were certainly instances (like the fight with Juggernaut) where I started daydreaming about this game actually being a legit Street Fighter II clone. Man, too bad Capcom didn’t incorporate a bonus mode where you can pick any of the superheroes and villains to duke it out, Street Fighter II style. Sure, it wouldn’t be terribly polished, but we got such bonus modes in NES Double Dragon and SNES Combatribes. Mutant Apocalypse would have done it better. Anyway, it’s not fair to criticize a game for not including a mode that thinks outside the box, but it is an indication that the game could have been more (generally speaking) and that Capcom didn’t let this one “cook to perfection” for one reason or another. Still, it’s a rock solid title that’s worthy of a spot in any Super Nintendo collection. It’s just a shame it wasn’t even better but hey, it’s hard to complain much when you see all the gems Capcom gave us during the vaunted SNES era.

Graphics: 8
Sound: 8
Gameplay: 7.5
Longevity: 6

AwardOverall: 7.5
Bronze Award


Doom (SNES)

Pub: Williams | Dev: Sculptured Software | 9.1.95 | 16 MEGS + Super FX2
Pub: Williams | Dev: Sculptured Software | 9.1.95 | 16 MEGS + Super FX2

By September 1995, the SNES was quickly entering the final stages of its life. Although game quality was at an all-time high in terms of what companies could now do with the system, it’s a given that every 4-5 years the new wave of next gen gaming takes over, and the older models quietly fade out in the background. This however did not stop the unlikely conversion of PC smash hit, DOOM. And on the first of September 1995, SNES owners had their own version of Doomsday.


Doom changed the very landscape of gaming
Doom changed the very landscape of gaming

I consider the early-mid 1990s as a very special time. Not only was I in the thick of my childhood, but those years cranked out some of the most iconic and groundbreaking video games around. While the whole Street Fighter II craze was sweeping the nation, in December 1993 a little violent game by the name of DOOM came out and took the nation by storm. Playing as a marine battling a horde of zombie soldiers and demons, Doom was the most intense action game of its day. It made your heart beat a little faster. Palms perspired. Those growls you hear around the corner… that ammo count dipping dangerously low… Doom produced an adrenaline kick like no other. Who could ever forget the first time you experienced Doom? It’s one of those things that you carry with you for life. Kind of like the first time you came across a Playboy Magazine. Doom was a transcendent gaming experience that turned boys into men and soiled more than a few underwears over 20 years ago. It is revered fondly for a good reason.


One year later, Doom II kicked our asses
One of the most anticipated sequels of the ’90s!

December 1994. One year after the epic release of Doom, we were given the sequel, Doom II. It was only a matter of time. While the clones rushed in and out the door (and backdoor, for that matter), the original king stood mighty, proud and tall and victorious over all comers. But now it was time for round two. A game with more weapons, monsters and mayhem. It did not disappoint! Doom II was a worthy sequel indeed and although my brother and I didn’t own it, we definitely found ways to experience it. Because it was simply something you just had to. No ifs, ands or buts here. Doom II was the SHIT.

Games weren't 'cool' in the mid '90s, but Doom II sure was
Games weren’t cool in the mid ’90s but Doom II was

How badass was Doom II? So badass that I put it on my 7th grade “All About Me” poster. I somehow found this pic here on a computer store ad, mighta been Comp USA (damn there goes a name from the past) or Fry’s Electronic. Cut it out and pasted it on my poster to show the whole 7th grade world. At that time gaming wasn’t considered cool, much. But not Doom IIDoom II broke barriers. You were proud to declare to the entire universe of its greatness. Keep in mind gaming in 1995 was a lot less mainstream and “accepted” than it is in today’s society.


It's a day I still vividly recall, even 20+ years later
It’s a day I still vividly recall… even 20+ years later

A few weeks before Doom II came out, my world changed forever. It was mid-November 1994. It was a cold and dreary, foggy Monday morning. I remember the fog being so thick I could barely see past my first neighbor’s house. I was walking to school with my good old best friend Nelson, and it was another week in the ol’ neighborhood. Little did I know, leaving my house that morning, that when I would return later that day, my innocence would be lost, ripped and shattered.

You never forget the first time you're robbed. It sucks
Bad days always seem to start out innocently enough

2:25 PM. The school bell rang and Nelson and I rushed out. We walked home laughing and talking up a storm, crunching the autumn leaves on the gavel beneath our shoes. We got to the fork where he went left and I went right. We bid farewell and I vividly remember to this very day how much I couldn’t wait to get home from school just so I could play Doom for the 1,000th time. Shoot, I was already daydreaming about firing the rocket launcher on the two Barons of Hell on the Phobos Anomaly map. Nothing was better than coming home from a long school day, tossing your backpack off, and wading over to the computer room where your most favorite video games resided. And I was deep in the middle of my daydreaming when I turned the corner and had the wind knocked out of me. There my house lied in the distance, with a police car parked in the driveway, and two policemen conversing with my mom. I ran over and my mom quickly embraced me, hugging me harder than she ever had in years, with tears streaming down her face. My eyes widened in terror when I looked straight ahead from the driveway, saw the front door wide open, and realized the mess that laid before us. We were robbed. They took nearly everything, including the computer and Doom. That day I didn’t just lose material things. That day I lost a large chunk of my innocence :(


My brother, on occasion, would do something really nice
My brother occasionally did something really nice

September 1995. As some readers may recall from my Memories of Renting article, back in the day I did 90-95% of the game renting, and most of those times that I did, I was forced by my older brother to rent the titles HE liked. Well, in September of ’95 my bro surprised me one weekend when he left the house and came back with SNES Doom. He thought I would be happy but I was actually pissed. Seeing it, although it did have a cool red shell case, only reminded me of that fateful day where I lost my innocence. After playing it I was DISGUSTED with it. I couldn’t help but constantly compare it to its PC original. And under those given circumstances, I hated the SNES version with a burning passion. So much that I vehemently refused to play it for the rest of the weekend that we had the rental copy. My bro never mentioned it, but I think he was a little hurt by it. He made a nice gesture, but instead of gratitude I showed him contempt and annoyance. And that was the last game I can ever recall him renting for me…


At the time I thought this was the greatest score EVER
At the time I thought it was the greatest score EVER

December 14, 1996. Two full years after the initial release of Doom II, my dad took me to Staples one night. Yeah, some dads take their kids to Disneyland. Other parents take their kids to Universal Studios. Mine took me to friggin’ Staples. Hey, I’ll give the old man credit. Because on this night I saw a deal that blew my mind. There it was, Doom II, for only $4.97. I rubbed my eyes not once, not twice but trice. I thought maybe there was a 2 in front, or at least, surely a 1. But just $4.97?!?! I grabbed the box, flipped it over and read front and back 10 times over. Was this shareware? Was this April Fools? No, you fool, I thought to myself. It’s December 14, damnit. Holy shit. It was the real deal AND for a real deal. I snatched it up quicker than OJ Simpson driving away in his Bronco, and of course, at less than the cost of a #1 Big Mac combo meal, there was no way my pops could deny me this one. Maybe the old man knew. My brother and I always wanted Doom II two years ago, but we never got it. Now we were vindicated. When I got home and my bro saw the receipt, he just about fell over. I have kept the receipt all these years later. Thing of beauty when an awesome deal drops unexpectedly into your lap. Look at that up there. “YOU SAVED $25.02″ — damn sick! $5.36 for Doom II in 1996? Hey, it happened. Moral of the story… screw Disneyland. Next time I’m taking my kids to motherfukken STAPLES, bitch.


Years later, I was greeted by an old friend...
Years later, I was greeted by an old friend…

In 1999, after being out of the gaming scene for a year or two, I came back STRONG with the Sega Saturn (check out the previous blog post if you don’t believe me). But it wasn’t until 2001 that I became a diehard Saturn fanatic. I amassed a huge collection, and by 2005 was pretty much done with my collecting. Then I took a chance on the Japanese version of Saturn Doom, seeing as how it was released months AFTER the US reject. I was hoping that maybe, just maybe, the frame rate on the Japanese version would be improved. And it was! I recall fondly making usenet posts way back in the day (late ’90s to mid 2000s) on the old newsgroup, spreading the news that the Japanese version was superior. Hell, I even created a YouTube account way back in December 2005 (yeah, when YouTube was just in its infancy) just to show off how improved the Japanese version’s frame rate was, compared to the lame version we received in the US. It was a discovery that no one had spoken of on the internet yet, and it felt like I was breaking some news there. I love the feeling of spreading obscure gaming knowledge. Man, those were the days… it’s amazing how different the internet has become in the last 10 years, but I digress.


It was a homecoming for me in more ways than one
It was a homecoming for me in more ways than one

On January 17, 2006, I returned to the SNES scene. I was a man on a mission. I was now a young adult longing for my childhood and to discover “new” gems I missed out on. I bought most of my wanted games in 2006; Doom was never on the original want list. I had some… ahem… sour memories of it you understand, and so never wanted to give it another shot. But finally, in 2010, I said what the hell. It’s time to face old demons [Well played for once -Ed.] and see what’s what. So I bought Doom, replayed it and did so this time with a clear open mind. And I was surprised to find out that I actually enjoyed it a good bit. I had a few four hour marathons with it where I tried my damndest to beat all of the 22 levels in one sitting (because they gave you no other choice). I’ll be damned. My opinion of SNES Doom did a complete 180. Taking it for what it is, I can’t help but marvel a bit at the fact that it’s even up and running on my Super Nintendo. It captures the essence and spirit of the original Doom pretty damn nicely, and that’s the bottom line. In many ways, I felt like I had come full circle with not only the SNES but with Doom as well.


A huge part of me refused to believe it. SNES Doom? HA!
I refused to believe Doom could run on the SNES…

Thankfully, by late 1995 the SNES’ kid friendly mantra of no blood had shifted. Games like Mortal Kombat II, released about one year prior, broke the mold. Doom without its grisly gore just wouldn’t be the same. The SNES port keeps the bloody mayhem intact at the very least. Because when you think of Doom, you instantly think of the carnage. Oh and…



FORMER SOLDIER: At one time you swapped war stories with this guy. Now he’s nothing more than a rotting, pistol-toting maggot. So waste this sucker without remorse. He stopped being your buddy a long time ago…


FORMER SERGEANT: Similar to above, but with more piss and vinegar. Packing a heavy duty shotgun, you best take these bald baddies out fast or they’ll do more than pelt you. Aim carefully, because if you miss that means you’re likely eating some damage. You need every last health point!


IMP: When you think of imps, you might think of a small hideously cute thing that is sneaky and mischievous. Think again! This bastard heaves fireballs down your throat and will claw the hell out of you up close. It’s time to find a shotgun.


DEMON: Yes, finally, an enemy with no long range weapon. That’s the good news. The bad news? It moves faster than you might think, and if it bites you, it’s gonna HURTA LOT. The chainsaw works well on these bad boy, and saves the ammo.


CACODEMON: This big red bastard takes a lot of bullets to go down. It’s time to upgrade from the shotgun if you haven’t already. Cacodemons make a loud, nasty screech when they first see you or hear of your presence. They launch fireballs that pack a more potent punch than the imp’s. A chaingun works well since the rapid firing bullets prevent this vile creature from sprouting fireballs off at your head.


LOST SOUL: Maybe the Doom makers were fans of Ghost Rider? It flies around. It screams. It scorches. And it dies with a few well-placed shotgun shells.


BARON OF HELL: Ah, here’s the man. Er, demon, rather, I suppose. Deman? Sorry. I can write and reminisce about this goat-legged horned menace all day long. His debut at the end of Episode 1 has got to rank in the top 10 of all time as far as boss entrances go. It’s an image that has been burned into my retina for over 20 years now. There was nothing like staring at the two pods knowing hell is coming.


CYBERDEMON: Remember the first time you ever laid eyes on this bastard? You thought the Barons of Hell were bad news. This guy is basically death on two legs. From his heavy stomps to his lightning-quick rockets coming straight for your head, the Cyberdemon is the stuff nightmares are made of. Before Resident Evil had the Tyrant, Doom had the Cyberdemon. He was a hulking weapon of mass destruction. ProTip: Shoot ’til it dies.


THE SPIDER MASTERMIND: Ever since I was a kid, I hated spiders. Just hate the buggers. They make my skin crawl. So when I first came across the Spider Mastermind, I probably screamed like a little girl [I have no doubt you did -Ed.]. Thank goodness for small favors — at least ol’ Spidey wields a chaingun and not the plasma gun. That’s one big motherfukken spider, indeed.

With such deadly demons and maniacal monsters milling about the hellhole, you’re going to need more than quick feet and wit to survive this apocalypse. You’re gonna need top-of-the-line artillery to give you even a snowball’s chance in Hell of winning. Which brings us to…


You start the game out with your fist and a standard military-issue pistol. You better find some upgrades quickly or you’ll become dinner even quicker!


CHAINSAW: Anyone who has ever seen the Texas Chainsaw Massacre will smile at the inclusion of this death instrument. Perfect for confined areas, the chainsaw will bring out the Leatherface in you. The only bad thing is it doesn’t actually slice demons in two. Guess you can’t have it all.


SHOTGUN: One of the most iconic and memorable weapons in video gaming history. Blowing away zombie soldiers and imps with the shotgun was immensely satisfying. From the sound effect to the reloading animation, the shotgun delivers the good.


CHAINGUN: Take your pistol’s puny bullets, and pump them out rapid fire, and suddenly you’ve got a formidable weapon of choice. Pull the trigger and watch the monsters of Hell do one hell of a dance number.


ROCKET LAUNCHER: Pure destruction. A specialty weapon in every respect of the word, this can either make your day, or make your grave. Few things rival the sheer joy of watching demons explode into a quivering bloody mess. Just make sure you’re not standing nearby!


PLASMA GUN: The “perfect” weapon. The plasma gun has it all: speed, strength and style. As an added bonus, it’s just strong enough to potentially blow the weaker enemies into tiny bloody bits — making this the preferred weapon of Doom 90% of the time.


THE BFG 9000: Here is the mother of all shooting game guns.. the BIG FUCKIN’ GUN. Excuse my language, but with a weapon this destructive, it simply cannot be censored or contained. It eats up a lot of ammo, but fire this baby and admire how it can take out an entire room of demons. Besides, any gun that can kill a Baron of Hell in one shot is definitely badass.


Much was sacrificed, but it’s still an admirable effort
Yeah, things get pixelated but what do you expect?
Yeah, things get pixelated but what do you expect?
The SNES port captures Doom's essence
The SNES port does a nice job capturing the essence
The nooks and crannies made me feel uneasy...
The nooks and crannies made me feel uneasy…
This part still gets to me to this day!
Even to this day, this has me on the edge of my seat
It adds a lot to the game's tense atmosphere
It adds a lot to the game’s tense atmosphere
Screw aiming up or down. If you can see it you can kill it
No aiming up or down. If you can see it you can kill it
It never gets old blasting an imp up close with a shotgun
It never gets old blasting an imp up close
Toxic barrels only added to the fun and chaos of Doom
Toxic barrels only added to the fun and chaos
What a way to let off some steam at the end of a long hard day!
Nice way to let off some steam after a long hard day!
Never forget the time I turned around and a demon was chomping on my face
Once I turned around and a demon bit on my face
Ol' pinky has gotten all of us at one point or another
Pinky has gotten all of us at one point or another
What they lack in style points they make up in survival %
They sure brighten up your day
... and after
… and after
Remember experiencing this for the first time? Incredible
Remember experiencing this for the first time?
You just had to be there in 1993. Amazing memory
You just had to be there in 1993. Good times
Remember gawking at your handiwork while admiring the computer's glow?
Who didn’t stop to admire their handiwork for a bit?
[Ya know... I was gonna say something but naaah -Ed.]
[Ya know… I was gonna say something but naaah -Ed.]
Demons lurk on both sides but you're more concerned with what lies ahead
This must be Hell’s version of the green mile…
Seeing this back in '93 made me nearly crap my pants!
Seeing this back in ’93 made me crap my pants!
Its design, its roar, its debut... thanks for the nightmares
Its design, its roar… thanks for the nightmares
... well, you know who. Love the Baron's death animation
You know who. Love the Baron’s death animation
The ending of Episode 1 always creep me out...
The ending of Episode 1 never failed to creep me out


Oh I sure hope you have more than a lowly pistol...
Oh I sure hope you have more than a lowly pistol…
An upside down cross in that demonic block looms ahead
Including an upside down cross — yikes!
The source of many jump scares over the years
Indeed, the source of many jump scares over the years
It's an adrenaline rush to kill 10 demons in as many seconds
It’s a rush to pump lead into a room full of monsters
Little details like this made Doom one memorable affair
Little details like this made Doom a memorable affair
You know it's bad when Barons start appearing regularly
You know it’s bad when Barons  appear regularly
You'll especially need it on Ultra Violence or NIGHTMARE
You’re gonna need it, soldier


Get this, not the US version
Get this version instead if you can

Years ago I happened to wonder whether the Japanese version of SNES Doom was any different than its US counterpart. The reasons being twofold. Number one: I recall fondly discovering that the Japanese version of Sega Saturn Doom was released later than its US version and had an improved frame rate. What really hampers SNES Doom in my opinion is the complete lack of a password or save system. At least Wolfenstein 3D gave us passwords level to level. That increases the likelihood that I’ll tinker with a game long after I’ve finished it. It’s always fun to go back to a random level and muck around, after all. Well, SNES Doom afforded you no such luxury. You had to beat the game in one sitting. All 22 levels. That’s a 3-5 hour task for most. It’s just too much. So when I found out the Japanese version of SNES Doom was released in March 1996, a full six months after the US release, I became real curious. Scouring the net for information, I read that the Japanese version does indeed have some noteworthy differences compared to the American version — making the Japanese version superior. Unfortunately, the frame rate remains much the same, but there were still some pretty cool differences. Here, let’s take a closer look at the two versions.

Choose your difficulty level on either US or Japanese version
Choice of difficulty level!
US version
US version
Japanese version
Japanese version

In a nutshell, the main difference between the Japanese and North American version is that the NA port restricts which episode you can start off in. Sure, you can start off in The Shores of Hell or Inferno on the NA port, but the game punishes you by forcing you to select Ultra Violence or Nightmare. And since you start off an episode with only your bare hands and a pistol, it’s essentially a suicide mission. You might as well forget about even trying.

The Japanese version, on the other hand, allows you to start on the last episode even on the easiest difficulty level (I’m Too Young To Die). Although it’s still lacking a save or password system, at least it helps to SOMEWHAT mitigate this glaring flaw of having to beat all 22 levels in one sitting. For this fact alone, the Japanese version is the one to get for diehard SNES fans who simply must have Doom in their 16-bit game library.


Doom has etched its mark in gaming lore. I love it to this day
Doom has etched its mark in gaming lore. I love it still

PC Doom needs no backing. Its place in gaming history has long been cemented, and it’ll be fondly remembered long after all of us are gone. But how did the Super Nintendo port fare? For the most part, people either backed it or they hated it. Gamers either cited the port as an incredible 16-bit effort and a small miracle, or bashed it, questioning the reasoning behind even bringing this over to the SNES as late in its lifespan as it did. EGM was in the latter camp, as they gave it mediocre scores of 5, 55.5, and 6. GameFan was plenty more generous and impressed, rating it 89, 92 and 95%. Super Play Magazine scored it 92% and ranked it as the 17th best SNES game in their Top 100 Best SNES Games list. SNES Doom was one of those love or hate affairs. You either get it for what it is, or hate it for what it isn’t.


Doom is a quintessential, seminal first person shooter for the ages
A quintessential first person shooter for the ages

As I sit here thinking of the times I’ve had with DOOM over the years, both good and bad, I can’t help but just smile. Doom blazed an amazing trail. It was the first game that really made me feel like I was the character himself. It was an intense, gripping and unrivaled experience. Doom always had me on the edge of my seat. The SNES version is one that I have grown to appreciate and genuinely like as time has gone on. When I first played it in ’95 I thought it was a steaming pile of horse crap. But when I revisited it years later as a young adult, I realized it’s no small programming feat, and when viewed entirely on its own, it’s actually quite good. It captures the spirit and essence of Doom nicely, and that’s what ultimately matters. Graphics took a hit, naturally, but are still serviceable. On the bright side, the music is stellar! It really adds to the tense atmosphere of the game.

Sometimes you learn to appreciate a game as time goes by
The SNES port captures Doom‘s bleeding heart

Other than the annoying few instances where you creep along a wall and get “stuck” to it, the game plays surprisingly well. It’s by no means the definitive version of Doom, but for the SNES it’s impressive. There seems to be two camps: those who enjoy SNES Doom, and those who hate it. It depends on whether you look at it for what it is, or if you look at it for what it isn’t. When I first played the SNES version in 1995, I was looking at everything it wasn’t, compared to the original PC king. But when I replayed it some 15 years later, I did so consciously from a posture of “Let’s see what it does do well rather than what it doesn’t.” And I found myself pleasantly surprised when approaching it from that angle. While I still prefer the SNES port of Wolfenstein 3D (it plays a bit more smoothly), I genuinely feel that this port of Doom doesn’t get the credit it deserves. Although I understand where the critics are coming from, I like to view it from this perspective: is Doom a quality Super Nintendo game or not? My answer to that is a resounding yes. Now if you’ll excuse me, it’s time to go blast some demon ass to Kingdom Come!

Graphics: 7
Sound: 9
Gameplay: 8.5
Longevity: 7

Award3Overall: 8.5
Double Silver Award

Nothing like playing Doom in the dark
Nothing like playing Doom late at night in the dark…

Lagoon (SNES)

Just when you thought it was safe to go into the water...
Just when you thought it was safe to go into the water…

There’s something special about the earliest SNES titles. That first wave of first generation games… games in which developers dipped their toes into 16-bit water for the very first time. Looking back at those early games is very nostalgic for me, as I remember the time well. The 8-bit NES was still alive and kicking in late 1991, and the SNES was just beginning its run here in the US. It was an interesting time of playing your dear old favorite NES while slowly exploring what the SNES could do. One of the earliest titles on the SNES was an action RPG by the name of Lagoon. Developed by Zoom and published by Kemco, Lagoon hit the 16-bit market in December of 1991. Now the last SNES game I reviewed was the epochal Legend of Zelda: A Link to the Past. Gamers in America didn’t get that one until April 1992. So, we had to make do with Lagoon, which was the first ARPG on the SNES North American market. And it came with mostly negative reviews, although there is a small camp of Lagoon backers. But I’m getting ahead of myself. Let’s rewind to the beginning…


The ad left a lasting impression on my eight-year-old being!
The ad left a lasting impression on my eight-year-old eyes!

At this point in time I wasn’t one for ARPGs or RPGs in general. Those genres were never my thing. My older brother enjoyed them, but I wanted more “immediate gratification.” I didn’t stray far from my platformers and beat ‘em ups. But upon seeing this ad in late 1991 in a GamePro Magazine, I actually wanted to play an action RPG for the first time in my life. I remember being drawn in by the various grotesque looking creatures and demons. The two in-game shots blew my eight-year-old mind. The green orbs seemed to bounce around in my mind and the ghoulish boss on the right was the stuff nightmares are made of. I was instantly intrigued. But of course, Lagoon became like about 300 other SNES games from my youth. As many titles as I played from 1991-1995 or so, there were so many more I always wanted to try out but never did.

One of the best things about this hobby is the ability to finally play all those games you were curious about from your youth. Even though Lagoon has a less than stellar reputation within the retro gaming community, I was still curious to check it out for myself. After all, you never know for sure how you feel about a game until you’ve played it yourself.


Lakeland. A peaceful kingdom, but not for long…
Two youths looking on in distress
Two youths looking on in distress
Who’s this geezer and what does he want?
A grand scrolling shot of the castle
A grand scrolling shot of the castle
Go Link, er, Nasir!
Go Link, er, Nasir!
One positive most can agree on: the music!
There’s something about first gen SNES titles
Off you go to solve the mystery
Off you go to solve the mystery


Lagoon (U) [!]_00013

Players start out in Atland. Gather some clues from the locals to figure out what’s next on the agenda. It’s very simple stuff, and an ideal ARPG for novices.

Lagoon (U) [!]_00017

An interesting aspect of Lagoon is how unlike many other games of the genre, when you enter a building here you don’t necessarily enter it. In most cases, there is no interior. You just get this type of scene. At first it was a little jarring, and I felt like I was getting robbed. This element gives off a vibe of low budget, but after a while I came to appreciate it. One could view this low budget move as a time saver and the game getting down to the nitty gritty. I came to actually not mind it, which isn’t a great compliment, but for this game and its world, it somehow works.

Lagoon (U) [!]_00024

The shop system is very straight forward and things never get too cluttered.

Lagoon (U) [!]_00026

Equipping weapons and armor is as easy as 1-2-3.

Lagoon (U) [!]_00023

Eventually you find your way to the Mayor’s house where he sheds some light to you. Which is ironic considering you’re the Champion of LIGHT, but I digress. Hey, we all need help on the journey of life (and saving kingdoms, of course). After a bit of chit-chat you realize that Giles is in trouble. His parents named him Giles after having nine months to think about it.

Lagoon (U) [!]_00019

I know, they had nine months to think of a name and…

Lagoon (U) [!]_00022

What’s up with demons and caves, anyway? Well, it’s a good thing we’re armed with a sword that would make Link and the Master Sword proud…

Lagoon (U) [!]_00027

Wait a second! Er, what the HELL is that? Yes, one of the biggest complaints about Lagoon is the incredibly pathetic butter knife you wield. Some sword, huh?

Lagoon (U) [!]_00031

Expect to see this a lot early on. You’ll try to swipe at the enemy, but instead it’ll miss and you’ll end up eating damage. It’s easy to stop here and say, “Man this game blows!” But stick with it a while and realize the trick is not to go on the offensive but rather, wait back and let them come to you.

Lagoon (U) [!]_00030

Once you do that, Lagoon becomes playable and actually somewhat enjoyable. Sure it’s a gameplay flaw, but nobody ever said this game was perfect. It’s just a different type of combat than what most folks are used to.

Lagoon (U) [!]_00032

If you can put up with the short length of Nasir’s “sword,” then Lagoon isn’t a bad game. The dungeons never get too big and confusing, and the game is a pretty simple straight forward ARPG.

Lagoon (U) [!]_00036

One of the best aspects about Lagoon is the ability to save the game anywhere. This makes it an ideal game to play for 15, 20 minutes right before bed. Before you know it, you will have beaten it. Not like it’s a long adventure to begin with, either.

Check out the level up system
Check out the level up system

It’s fun to keep an eye on your status. Leveling up increases all of your stats, and there’s a certain satisfaction in watching your character grow stronger by the step. In addition, if you’ve taken damage, simply stand still and Nasir will automatically recover. It’s a pretty cool feature that makes Lagoon that much easier to beat. His magic points will also recover in a resting state. Give it a chance and pretty soon you’ll be hitting a sweet little rhythm of waiting for enemies to run into your sword, resting if need be, checking your status on occasion and repeat. I found it oddly addicting.

Lagoon (U) [!]_00040

Tougher enemies soon appear, giving you more experience points when killed. There’s a definite simplicity to Lagoon that I appreciate.

Lagoon (U) [!]_00037

The best part of Lagoon is hands down the music. It’s the one aspect of this game that is almost always universally praised. It’s funny… in that sense it reminds me a lot of Final Fantasy: Mystic Quest. Both games have a poor reputation but it’s generally agreed upon that the soundtrack rocks. Although Mystic Quest has a slightly better reputation than Lagoon and is the better, more redeeming game.

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While the game is far from great, there IS a certain sense of satisfaction roaming the dungeons, killing the monsters, and rocking out to the awesome soundtrack.

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Ah, it’s nice to see the sky and smell the air again after being in that dank, decrepit dungeon. Go on to find Giles.

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I hope you found the Healing Pot prior. Otherwise you’ll have to do some backtracking and that’s never too fun.

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After rescuing Giles, you’re not done yet. You have to guide him back to Atland. This son of a bitch moves like a grandma. If you go too fast he might get confused and lost, so always keep him in the line of sight.

Lagoon (U) [!]_00050

Ah! Move it, you bastard! Thankfully, Giles can’t be hurt even if the enemies touch him. Weird. You would think then that he wouldn’t need you to save him. Shoot, if I were invincible too, the things I could do! Freaking Giles. This must be a rib or something.

Lagoon (U) [!]_00052

Yes, I’m interested in acquiring Little Samson for the NES. And yes, I know it’s a DEMON of a game on the ol’ wallet. Thanks for nothing, old lady!

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Now you can open the gateway to access Samson, the game’s first boss.

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Shoot, I’m not surprised. With all the crazy dollars that collectors are throwing at Samson these days, one would think he got a little too big-headed for his own good!

Lagoon (U) [!]_00055

Oh shit. You mean, you’re not Little Samson, as in the NES game? Heh, my bad. I’ll just head back out and close the door. Enjoy the rest of your Sunday, big red scary guy…

Lagoon (U) [!]_00058

Yeah, that’s just not a fair fight. God damn it… this is all messed up.

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Samson sheds his helmet once he’s weakened up some. And it’s not a pretty sight, folks. In fact, I dare call it an eyesore…

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Once conquered, Samson screams like an elephant, oddly enough. You get some fancy little explosion pixels going off all over him.

Lagoon (U) [!]_00070

For your troubles you get your very first magic spell: the Fire Crystal.

Lagoon (U) [!]_00079

This allows you to shoot fireballs, giving you a much welcomed long range attack. It eats up magic points but as I stated earlier, your MP recovers in a resting state. It definitely helps to flesh out the gameplay of Lagoon, making the pathetic short sword less annoying.

Lagoon (U) [!]_00072

Hey wait a damn second here… where have I seen you before…

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So you’re telling me there is a Princess, and she was kidnapped. Riiiight…

Lagoon (U) [!]_00075

After Atland you head to the town of Voloh. Here you’ll meet a strange cat by the name of Thor. He’ll enlist your help to find the tablets.


As you progress in the game it’s fun to see the length of your energy bar increase as you continually level up.


There are your typical fire and ice dungeons to navigate and work through. The graphics aren’t anything to write home about, even back in late 1991 when it came out, but they’re alright and serviceable enough.


One thing I’ve always been a sucker for in video games are the mini-bosses, or the regular bad guys that are bigger and tougher than the rest of the regular bad guys. They look intimidating, but aren’t TOO hard to defeat. And yet they’re always satisfying to kill every single time. Lagoon does a decent job of throwing small, medium and even big monsters your way.


The bosses were intimidating due to a combination of their size, their menacing sprite work, your puny sword and their massively long health bar. They might be tough at first, but nothing you can’t work around with a little persistence. It’s just a matter of finding their sweet spots. Although it should be noted that during boss battles you can’t heal or use your magic. This could lead to some frustrating moments.


By the end of the game your health bar should be as long as theirs. Speaking of which, it took me 11 hours to beat Lagoon on my first attempt. It’s a game one could probably beat in under 10 hours (I like to grind here and there). So it’s definitely on the shorter side, which isn’t necessarily a bad thing.


The game moves along at a brisk pace, much like Mystic Quest. In that way it never wears out its welcome. It’s an easy title to pick up and play. Saving anywhere is a big bonus, as you can always pace yourself rather than being at the mercy of having to go to an inn to save.


There are plenty of weird locales to hit up, and some entertaining NPC’s to interact with when you’re not bashing baddies and blowing through dungeons.


As an aside, I also remember Lagoon for being the first game I played following the Teacher’s Fair in March of 2012. At the time I was teaching part time and acting in a Broadway-esque play. My goal was to become a full time teacher. I gathered my portfolio earlier that morning, put on my best suit and shook hands all day long following a two hour morning rehearsal. It was a memorable time in my life as I was living out my passion (acting) while pursuing my real life goal of becoming a full time teacher. Later that night, with over 500 SNES games from which to choose, I picked Lagoon. The urge to finally quell this longstanding childhood curiosity overcame me at long last. So anytime I think of Lagoon, I’m instantly transported back to that exciting time in my life. And yes, I got a full time position thanks to attending that Teacher’s Fair. I’m still teaching at the same school, going on five years. Man, where does the time go?


Lagoon was not well received by the public. Most panned it, calling it a frustrating and boring Zelda clone. Super Play Magazine gave Lagoon a score of 56% when it hit the UK mindbogglingly late in May of 1993. On Youtube there are two excellent video reviews of this game which I highly recommend viewing. One is from The CG Dudes and the other is from Stop Skeletons From Fighting (formerly known as The Happy Video Game Nerd). Both video reviews pretty much sum up my feelings toward this game.



Lagoon is far from a hidden gem, but far from a dud as well. A lot of people dislike it, and they’re well within their bounds to do so. However, I feel a lot of the hatred toward this game is due to a lack of understanding rather than anything else, as the game itself is fairly manageable once you get the nuances down and operate within that world. Such qualifiers are signs of a flawed game, sure, but not an entirely wasteful effort. I’ve played plenty worse on the Super Nintendo. Once I understood the mechanics of the game and employed the best strategies, I had a pretty good time making my way through this early first generation SNES title.


The magic spells really open the game up, and make killing the monsters much easier. I didn’t have to worry about the puny butter knife so much, and shooting various projectiles at enemies across the screen became rather addicting. If you’re looking for something new on your SNES and you’ve already beaten the rest, give Lagoon a chance. It’s a quick action RPG that can hold you over for a week or two. It’s rather flawed, but not without some “first generation charm.”

Graphics: 5
Sound: 8
Gameplay: 5
Longevity: 5

Overall: 5.5

Give it a shot if you've overlooked it. It's not so bad...
Give it a shot if you’ve overlooked it. It’s not so bad…