SNES Reviews | RVGFanatic

Ultraman (SNES)

***Pub: Bandai | Dev: Nova | October 1991 | 4 MEGS***

One of the earliest SNES games released in North America, Ultraman owns the distinction of being the first 1-on-1 fighting game on the Super Nintendo. If you were around any game rental store back in late 1991, chances are you too came across a boxed copy of Ultraman: Towards The Future. To its credit, the box art is pretty snazzy, blasting your senses with its frenetic energy and seemingly hi-octane larger than life action. Back in those days, the box art was often your first impression of a game, and Ultraman certainly made a nice splash in that regard. Flipping to the back of the box revealed promising screenshots of a fighting game with monsters. What could go wrong, right? Sadly, as it turns out, much.

If you were a monster and video game lover like me in those days, then the box art of Ultraman and the description on the back undoubtedly had you sold. Taking the box to the counter, you handed it over to the clerk as you watched your old man plunk down the dollar ninety nine. You felt like the luckiest kid in the universe — Street Fighter II with monsters!? Is this real life? I would soon come to find out that mentioning Ultraman and Street Fighter II in the same breath was the gravest of sins…

MONSTER LOVER

Some kids grew up with greats such as Cal Ripken Jr., John Elway or Michael Jordan as their idol. I, on the other hand, grew up on the 24-inch pythons of the immortal Hulk Hogan and the fire spewing, train chomping big guy himself, Godzilla. Thanks to my dad, Uncle Jimmy, some local mom and pop rental shops and the infamous Godzilla POWER HOUR, I rarely missed any of the big guy’s adventures. If someone was decked out in a rubber suit stomping around miniature cities, chances were I was probably there with a grin plastered across my kisser as cheesy as the monster movies of my youth itself.

While I loved all monsters small and big, my absolute favorite was without a doubt GODZILLA. Remember all those old box covers for the Godzilla movies? Most of them are seared into my retina, with Godzilla 1985 in particular sticking out. Who could ever forget that classic yellow golden border or the menacing up close money shot of Godzilla (complete with fangs and all) leering over Tokyo. A blurb by Joel Siegel “THE BEST GODZILLA IN 30 YEARS… HYSTERICAL FUN.” Good times.

I must have read the back of this box 50 times! ove that iconic shot of Godzilla looming over Tokyo — I must have read the back of this box 50 times!
Love that iconic shot of Godzilla looming over Tokyo

One Saturday night in 1989, my parents took me to this fancy mall. Being 20 minutes away from home and a little farther out than our neighborhood mall, this mall was less frequented and thus carried with it an extra air of mystique. It was like that exotic mall that truly had all the good shit. I can recall the excitement welling up in the pit of my stomach as my dad wrestled to find a parking spot on that hectic Saturday night. I still remember bypassing the escalator and running up the stairs to make my way to the inviting neon purple glow of the classic SAM GOODY logo. The sign seemed so huge as a kid — it looked like it stretched on for miles and miles.

Ah, the nostalgia... — Ah, the nostalgia…

It’s funny how as kids the simplest pleasures brought us such great satisfaction. For me, going to Sam Goody back in the late ’80s was one of those simple joys, especially at this particular mall that felt larger than life. I wasted no time making a beeline toward the SCI-FI section. I scoured over the Godzilla movies to see if there were any I had missed. Due to this mall having a certain mystique, in my head as a kid I rationalized that maybe it might carry exclusive Godzilla movies. Ahh, the innocence of being six or so!

After my disappointment of not seeing any new Godzilla films, I was ready to leave when I saw it… GAMERA VS. GAOS. My heart skipped a beat when I saw the distinctive VS. on the side of the box. I knew those two magical letters could only mean one thing: MONSTER MOVIE MADNESS!

I could hardly contain my excitement as I plucked out the VHS box to examine its glorious front and back cover. It was my first exposure to Gamera. Even at my young age I could tell Gamera was clearly a Godzilla ripoff, but it was the thrill of discovering something brand new in a genre you hold near and dear to your heart. I shoved the tape in my dad’s face. My old man whipped out the ol’ credit card and like so many times before, he made the magic happen. The rest of the evening I walked around the mall with my mom, dad and brother happily clutching the SAM GOODY bag, occasionally glancing inside to admire that cheesy yet glorious Gamera vs. Gaos box art.

I remember gawking at this as we went through the mall — I recall gawking at this as we went through the mall

What can I say? I loved giant monster movies. Fast forward to 1992 where I would meet my latest daikaiju addiction…

ULTRAMAN: TOWARDS THE USA

January 1992. I was 8 years old and woke up every Saturday morning around 7 to catch all the latest cartoons. One Saturday I caught the first episode of Ultraman: Towards The Future. I didn’t know who Ultraman was at the time. But I knew the show featured giant monsters and that was good enough for me. I remember watching Ultraman fighting a nasty alien creature (Gudis) with limbs that would make Dhalsim green with envy. Best of all, his brain was on top of his head!

Gudis came back later in the series revamped as Gudis II — Gudis came back later revamped as Super Gudis

Ultraman, like Gamera, was no Godzilla but I cheered on Ultraman nonetheless. There were 13 episodes in all — the last one airing more than 25 years ago on March 28, 1992. I never missed an episode and loved the camp value.

Ah… the memories (of what wasn’t). Dreamworks Toys released an Ultraman lineup in the spring of ’92 to go along with the US TV series. The figures were around 10 inches tall. Kerwin, my brother’s best friend at the time, asked me what I wanted for my 9th birthday. I told him I wanted Majaba. Kerwin assuredly told me, “You got it, Steve-O.”

Wait a second... Majaba that ain't — Wait a second… Majaba that ain’t

Fast forward to the summer of 1992. Right off the bat I knew something was off when the wrapped present with Kerwin’s name on the tag was about 5 inches tall. I opened his gift and out came Launchpad McQuack. Now don’t get me wrong, I love me some Darkwing Duck and Launchpad’s a cool cat but he ain’t Majaba! Way to get a guy’s hopes up, eh? Nonetheless, in the end I was grateful for his generosity. After all, he was my brother’s friend. He wasn’t obligated to get me jack. Speaking of Kerwin, after my family moved in 1996 my brother lost touch with him. He managed to track him down around 2003 where we found out that Kerwin was in Las Vegas trying to earn his DJ stripes. Big guy, wherever you are out there, I hope you are in good health and peace of mind. Even if you got me Launchpad McQuack instead of Majaba as you promised me, you big fat bastard

EVERGREEN VIDEO

In the late ’80s and early ’90s my brother Kevin and I frequented a little mom and pop shop named Evergreen Video. Oh how I loved that place. I can still hear the little chime that rung each time you entered the hallowed halls of Evergreen Video. The smell of the oakwood shelves permeates to this day. As documented in Memories of Renting, Tom was the source that corrupted us. One day in early 1992 my dad and I made our traditional Saturday afternoon trek to rent the latest video game. Tom recently bought some SNES games to keep up with the changing of the guard. At that time we didn’t have the internet and I had yet to follow gaming magazines religiously. So imagine my shock and excitement when I saw Ultraman! I’ll never forget how it came with a HUGE blown up 8×11 black and white photocopied manual as opposed to the original booklet. I guess Tom was protective of his instruction manuals!

FRIDAY, MAY 16, 2008

Peering in the defunct remains of Evergreen Video

On this night (now nearly 10 years ago, damn) my cousin Vivian threw me a graduation dinner with the family. We ate at this Chinese restaurant that coincidentally just happened to be a couple stores down from where Evergreen Video once stood proudly. I hadn’t been to that area in eons. On my drive to the restaurant, I couldn’t help but reminisce about all the fond memories of my dad taking me there every Saturday to rent the latest NES game. The wave of memories came flooding back as I pulled into that parking lot. It was my first time being back in that plaza in a good decade or so. I decided to pay a quick visit to the defunct remains of Evergreen Video before heading inside the restaurant. It was sad standing there and seeing the place devoid of any sort of life. Tom’s friendly smile behind the register counter was long gone. As I stared through the glass door like a frozen statue, I couldn’t help but wonder where was Tom and his family — were they OK? Were they continuing to live the American Dream? My conscious stream of thought was shattered when my phone rang.

“Steve! Where are you? Only you would be late to your own party!” Vivian joked.

“I’m right outside. Be there in half a minute…”

After a scrumptious dinner celebrating my graduation from grad school, we found ourselves hanging out in the parking lot. It was good to see all of them again. Billy, Vivian’s crazy husband, enthusiastically shared his latest cash cow scheme with my brother and me as we made our way to our cars. Never change, Billy. My cousins invited me to movie night but I told them I’ll catch them in a few. First, I had some unfinished business to take care of: I wanted one final glimpse at my dear old friend. There was now only a glimmer of sunlight striking the top of all the stores’ windows in this plaza. It was surreal and felt like a scene right out of a Hollywood movie. I stole one last peek in the empty store where Evergreen Video once stood. Turning my back to the store, I stood there for a minute to take in the cool night air, reflecting and also thinking about the future.

Always sad to see one of your favorites go bye bye — Always sad to see your favorite stores go defunct

It was a very raw and exciting time in my life. I was 24 years old, I just earned my teaching credential and I was this close to realizing my dream of having my very own classroom of students to teach and positively impact. As the final shards of sunlight pierced the storefront, I decided that was enough pontification for one night. I placed my childhood memories back in the box, texted my cousins that I was on my way and fired up my old 1992 Honda Accord.

THE NIGHT WAS STILL YOUNG... AND SO WAS I — The night was still young… ***AND SO WAS I***

BLOODY GOOD TIMES… LITERALLY

Originally written June 2008. Revived April 2018!

THE STORY GOES…

Not bad... pretty close! — Not bad… pretty close!

Ultraman is fairly accurate to its source material. That’s good. Unfortunately, the gameplay is very stiff and limited. But hey, minor kudos for replicating the look, eh?

FINISH HIM!

Beating a monster for good is somewhat cumbersome. To do so, their energy bar must signal “finish” AND you must blast them with a Level 4 power shot. And because they can recover health, make sure they’re really “finished” before firing your L4 shot. Nothing’s worse than seeing them recuperate a smidgen of their health right as you fire your L4 beam — d’oh!

FANTASTIC FOUR

L1 sends forth the basic KNUCKLE SHOOTER. You also have the option of firing off four consecutive L1 shots if you’re at level L4.

L2 fires the moderately improved ARROW BEAM. You can emit two of these beams at L4 if you wish or one at L3 and then one L1. At least you get choices, right?

L3’s MAGNUM SHOOTER does quite a number but you’re so close to L4… why waste it in one single shot? I tend to use L3 the least.

L4’s BURNING PLASMA is Ultraman’s ticket home. “HADOKEN!”

MEET THE MONSTERS

Crappy game but I do love the art style! — And you thought Uncle Fred at Thanksgiving was bad

Gudis is an evil space virus determined to destroy and consume every life form in the universe. Once infected with the Gudis virus, the victim is unable to control itself and becomes part of Gudis’ plan. The power of Gudis continues to grow and multiply as it assimilates other creatures into itself. Stop the vile monster before it reaches the city!

PROTIP: Avoid — **ProTip:** Avoid enemy projectiles

Bogun is a gruesome genetic mutation. With a horrific head at each end of its sluglike body, Bogun defends itself and attacks you using its strong antenna. Unfortunately, Bogun has already infiltrated the city. Hurry up and exercise damage control!

THABTO. Shout out to Ghost Wrtier ;) — **THABTO**. Shout out to *Ghost Writer*

Degola is originally a God of the Australian Aborigines. In full force, Degola appears as a whirlwind, destroying everything in its path. This whirlwind, however, is merely to disguise the Gudis infected creature within. Whatever it is, one thing’s for sure: it’s a force to be reckon with that must be terminated pronto.

I always found Degola to be a bit intimidating as a kid — I always found Degola to be *creepy disturbing* as a kid

Whos finishing whom first? The drama... — Who’s finishing whom first? The drama…

The way monsters died in this game was pretty glorious

Barrangas, emphasis on the last three letters, can emit a toxic gas from its hideous body. I dig the quiet peaceful looking city backdrop. What a shame it’s actually anything but peaceful!

Just like me again... — Just like me again…

Aw damn, that ain't cool — Aw damn, that ain’t cool

"Quick, Ive got less than two minutes!" — *“Quick — I’ve got less than two minutes!”*

Look who’s back and uglier, stronger and deadlier than before! Super Gudis is a wormlike creature that slithers alarmingly quick. Make sure you leave his bloody carcass scattered in pieces across this miserable war torn land!

Didnt I just say that? — Didn’t I just say that?

Damn straight! Another nail-biting finale

Zebokon is usually a lethargic lumbering monster who lives in the depths of the forest. But after being infected with the Gudis virus, Zebokon has gone mad and is now attacking anything that moves. He has one hell of a battering ram to boot. Dark and ominous thunder clouds decorate this atmospheric backdrop.

What is he -- a Samoan wrestler?! — What is he — a Samoan wrestler?!

Look all around, there's nothing but blue skies. I can see clearly now... — Look all around, there’s nothing but blue skies.
I can see clearly now…

Majaba, a giant pesticide-mutated grasshopper, is very quick and jumps really friggin’ high. Its razor-sharp claws will tear apart any metal known to mankind.

Kamacuras (AKA Gimantis) was one of the lesser monsters from Toho’s kaiju cannon. Majaba definitely takes some form of inspiration from Kamacuras.

He even finds time to work out in the heat of battle

Kodalar scared me as a kid. He even defeated Ultraman in the TV series finale and is the only monster able to claim that. Tough son of a bitch!

*[Did Ultraman turn into Hacksaw Jim Duggan? -Ed.]*

Kilazee comes from the darkest corner of the galaxy. He’s no King Ghidorah, but he is Ultraman’s final test.

Ultraman gives the universe a golden shower... [Um... yeah... -Ed.] — Ultraman gives the universe a golden shower!
*[Um… nevermind… -Ed.]*

Ultraman no longer needed... for now... — Ultraman no longer needed… for now…

ULTRA MISCELLANEOUS

"How dare you piss on our contract!" *rimshot* — “How dare you piss on our contract!” *rimshot*

See? They're not such a violent lot — See? They’re not such a violent lot

Tainted love, tainted love. Don't touch me, please — Tainted love, tainted love. Don’t touch me, please

You need someone to hold you tight. But I'm sorry I don't pray that way! — You need someone to hold you tight.
But I’m sorry I don’t pray that way!

WHAT THE CRITICS SAID

Ultraman: Towards The Future was critically panned. In fact, some even dubbed it Ultraman: Towards The Trash Bin. As bad as it is, it wouldn’t quite make my top 10 worst SNES games list. There’s a handful of crappy SNES games out there that are even more unplayable than Ultraman.

CLOSING THOUGHTS

Ultraman captures the look of the TV series well and had the potential to be decent. Unfortunately, the execution was terribly flawed. You can only use Ultraman, there’s no two player mode, the moveset is limited and compounding that error is the stiff control. Ultraman moves around like he just crapped his pants. Where’s the agile karate kicking warrior as seen on the cover, eh? Sure, some monsters require small strategic changes but due to the limited amount of moves at your disposal that strategy is extremely marginal. Visually, the game fares a bit better. Though the graphics didn’t wow anyone even back in 1991, it’s got a certain rubber monster charm to it. The sprites could be bigger though, and the lack of animation is quite disappointing. On the plus side, the cheesy monster roars fit right in and some of the tunes are even a bit catchy. But it’s not a good sign when a game’s high point is the box art…

In spite of all its warts, there’s something oddly charming about Ultraman. I guess first generation SNES games have a certain charm to them. Of course, things were a lot different back then. My dad rented the game for $1.99, my brother invited all the kids on our block to our house and we played it like it was the last video game on Earth. If nothing else, I’ll always cherish those memories of a more innocent time in my young life. Ultraman was a victim of lazy programming but I’m proud it’s part of my SNES library due to the history I have with the game. It’s there purely for the nostalgia of a simpler time. Oh, and that badass cover art.

Graphics: 4
Sound: 5
Gameplay: 3
Longevity: 3

Overall: 3.0

Dragon: The Bruce Lee Story (SNES)

Pub & Dev: — **Pub: Acclaim | Dev: Virgin | July 1995 | 8 MEGS**

Although he lived a tragically short life, Bruce Lee did more in his 32 years than most folks do in an entire lifetime. The founder of Jeet Kune Do (established on July 9, 1969), Bruce Lee was a beloved martial artist and action movie star that left us far too early. Sure, we all love Jackie Chan, Jet Li and Donnie Yen, but there was NO ONE quite like Bruce Lee. Similar to Michael Jackson, he was an iconic figure who had an over abundance of rare talent and charisma that comes around only once ~~in a generation~~. Recognized the world over by people of all ages, Bruce Lee’s legacy rages on today. A biographical film, Dragon: The Bruce Lee Story, was released 25 years ago based on the life and times of Bruce Lee. It was fairly well received by most critics. Two years later, Virgin Interactive made a video game based off that film. Let’s see if Virgin was able to do the man, the myth and the legend proud.

PAYING MY RESPECTS

This past Spring Break, my girlfriend and I headed to Seattle, Washington. We stopped by Lake View Cemetery to pay our respects to Bruce Lee and his son, Brandon Lee. It was quite surreal standing here, especially seeing as how the 25th anniversary of Brandon Lee’s untimely passing was just two weeks ago.

25 years ago, Brandon Lee died after an accidental shooting on the set of The Crow. Set to be his big break that would launch the 28 year old into movie stardom, it instead became Brandon Lee’s final and most memorable film.

March 31, 1993. 25 years now... wow. Rest in Peace — March 31, 1993. 25 years now… wow. Rest in Peace

The rumor and innuendo is that the Lee family suffered from a curse. Personally, I’m not one to believe in hexes and vexes but there’s no denying there is some eerie similarities surrounding the deaths of Bruce and Brandon Lee. Of course, as I write this, it’s Friday the 13th. Go figure.

Zoom in if on mobile. Click if on desktop to see better

A metaphorical (and perhaps literal if you’re so inclined to believe) phantom was said to stalk the Lee family, casting a shadow of darkness over their lives. This phantom was highlighted in the 1993 biopic, Dragon: The Bruce Lee Story.

In the film’s closing moments, viewers watch as Lee dismantles the phantom demon that has haunted him throughout his life. The phantom attempts to hurt Bruce’s son, Brandon, before Bruce comes flying to the rescue. Considering all that happened with Bruce and Brandon, the phantom character carries eerie weight. Even if you don’t believe in that stuff, it’s still pretty creepy.

Dragon: The Bruce Lee Story was released on May 7, 1993, a little over a month following Brandon Lee’s death. It received mostly positive reviews. It’s hard to believe the film turns 25 years old in less than a month from now.

Props to Jason Scott Lee for his portrayal of Bruce Lee

THE GAME

Watch your life meter but also keep an eye out on your Chi meter. After crossing the first marker you can activate Fighter Mode. You can’t block in this mode but your attacks are faster and more potent. Reach the second marker and you can activate Nunchaku Mode.

Eat your heart out, Mikey — Eat your heart out, Michelangelo!

It's quite faithful to the film — It’s quite faithful to the film

But that doesn't necessarily make it automatically good — Faithful to the film, sure. But good? Well…

But hey, if you want to whup this guy's ass... — But hey, if you want to whup this guy’s ass…

Dragon: The Bruce Lee Story opens up with this creepy cutscene. It plays into the whole curse thing and the metaphorical phantom that stalks Bruce Lee.

Nightmarish and ominous, things are off to a decent start.

Nothing spells trouble quite like being at a Lantern Festival Dance with a less than savory sailor. So much for that decent start — Popeye is yanking your chain!

OUCH!!! But ever the thespian, Bruce lets everyone know he’s OK when he is seen doing a massive split kick only moments later.

Gussie Yang’s Kitchen is full of scoundrels, but the toughest is the Chef. The fight starts out in the kitchen area before spilling out into the alleyway where he calls upon his ~~clone~~ twin for assistance.

University Gymnasium of Seattle is where you’ll battle Scott. Show him who’s boss with the deadly nunchucks.

Beware Scott’s deadly jump kick and his novel variation of the Heimlich Maneuver.

Johnny Sun greets you with malice at the George Wu Gymnasium in Oakland.

Sadly, it looks a lot better in still shots than it does in motion.

Encounter your worst nightmare, the Phantom Demon, in stage 10. He dies just like how he does in the movie. Nice.

VERSUS MODE

Outside the Story Mode, you can play the VS. mode. Unfortunately, you can only control Bruce Lee. None of the computer opponents are available. Not that it would have made a huge difference but still.

“BOARDS DON’T HIT BACK”

Tackle Pete the Dummy in the bonus round to acquire Chi and points. Can you make the Top 8 power rankings?

WHAT THE CRITICS SAID

Dragon: The Bruce Lee Story came out two years after the film was released. In the summer of 1995, there wasn’t much demand for a Bruce Lee video game on the SNES. It was mostly panned by critics and arrived with very little fanfare, especially considering that it was a game based off the legendary Bruce Lee. But it came out two years too late to capitalize on the success of the biopic it was based upon. Both its ill-timed release and awkward clunky gameplay did it zero favors. It was doomed to fail from the start. Like a chain was tightly wrapped around its neck, dragging it down…

CLOSING THOUGHTS

The most intriguing aspect of Dragon: The Bruce Lee Story, other than playing as the iconic Bruce Lee, is its 3-player mode. With a multitap and two friends in tow, three players can duke it out for martial arts supremacy. Sadly, the game is a bit clunky even when the game speed is set to Turbo. There’s a bit of a learning curve which I don’t mind, but the game never feels fluid no matter how much I try. Something about it feels off and it’s a very disappointing game, all things considered. The graphics are pretty bad — there are few frames of animation and background characters look like cutout cardboards. The sound doesn’t fare much better, as whacks and smacks sound unconvincing and lackluster. And why does Bruce Lee sound like a cat? It’s not entirely unplayable; it’s kind of fun to beat up on the computer with a friend by your side in the Two Player Story Mode, but this is no proper tribute. Bruce Lee deserves better and so do SNES fans. Avoid and pop in Enter the Dragon for the 10th time instead.

Virgin, you failed to do this — Virgin failed to do this. Shame!

Graphics: 4
Sound: 4
Gamplay: 4
Longevity: 4

Overall: 4.0

Bruce Lee's statue in Hong Kong — Bruce Lee’s statue in Hong Kong

Barkley Shut Up and Jam! (SNES)

***Pub & Dev: Accolade | June 1994 | 16 MEGS***

25 years ago this month, NBA Jam hit the arcade scene and became a worldwide phenomenon. It’s become embedded in the fabric of pop culture and remains as relevant today as it was back in April of 1993. Even to this day, people quote phrases such as “HE’S ON FIRE!” and “BOOM SHAKA LAKA!” Naturally, clones would soon appear following the smash success of NBA Jam. One of them was Barkley Shut Up and Jam. Let’s just say, there’s a reason why people fondly reminisce about NBA Jam even 25 years later and there’s a reason why many people have forgotten about Barkley Shut Up and Jam. But does that mean the game is completely without merit? Time to pump my Reebok sneakers and find out…

BATS, BOBCATS AND BARKLEY

My childhood Hollywood Video, taken January 2006

On a quiet rainy Monday evening of January 30, 2006, just two weeks into my Super Nintendo comeback, I stopped by my childhood Hollywood Video. That evening I drove to my old stomping grounds hopeful to add more games to my rapidly growing collection.

Entering the giant store like I’d done so many times before more than a decade ago, I wasted no time in making a beeline straight for Game Crazy. Hell, not even the horror section could entice me on this night. I ended up getting six SNES games. While I was ecstatic to buy ActRaiser, the game that thrilled me most at the time was actually Barkley Shut Up and Jam. Aside from Bubsy, it’s the only game of the lot that I rented as a kid. I remember enjoying it with my brother and friends back in the summer of 1994, so I had a strong nostalgic connection to it. I was morbidly curious to see how it would hold up some 12 years later.

Hard to believe 2006 is now 12 years ago... — Hard to believe 2006 is now 12 years ago…

What a fun time early 2006 was to get back into SNES

THE CHUCKSTER

Born and raised in Leeds, Alabama, Sir Charles Barkley averaged 19.1 points and 17.9 rebounds per game his senior year in high school. He played three years of college ball for Auburn University, averaging 14.1 points, 9.6 rebounds and 1.7 blocks per game. He declared for the NBA draft in 1984 where he was selected #5 by the Philadelphia 76ers, just two slots after Chicago took Michael Jordan. He averaged 14 points and 8.6 rebounds per game his rookie season. He gave the 76ers’ organization and fans eight tremendous years. His best years there included averages of 28.3 points and 11.9 rebounds per game. Another season he averaged 23 points, 14.6 rebounds, 4.9 assists, 1.8 steals and 1.5 blocks per game. Barkley was traded to the Phoenix Suns following the 1991-1992 season.

Barkley continued his reign of dominance in the Valley of the Sun. His first year there was arguably his best. Averaging 25.6 points, 12.2 rebounds and a career high 5.1 assists per game, Barkley led the Suns to a 62-20 record and was deemed MVP. The Suns made the NBA Finals that year (their first since 1976) but lost in six games to Michael Jordan and the Bulls.

Houston, we've got a problem — Houston, we’ve got a problem

Barkley was shipped to the Houston Rockets on August 19, 1996. Now at the back end of his career, Barkley was joining a veteran team in hopes of finally capturing a Championship ring. Playing alongside Hakeem “The Dream” Olajuwon and Clyde “The Glide” Drexler, the Rockets were considered title contenders. In the ’96-’97 season, Barkley averaged 19.2 points and 13.5 rebounds per game. The Rockets made the playoffs several times but always came up short. Barkley’s last NBA game took place on April 19, 2000. He was 37 years old.

LIFE AFTER BASKETBALL

Charles Barkley has always been a magnetic character. Outspoken and brash, Barkley went on to become a key member of TNT’s award winning Inside the NBA post-game show.

Chuckster having a good time with Ernie and Kenny

The 76ers retired his #34 jersey on March 30, 2001

SHUT UP AND JAM

Shut Up and Jam is 2-on-2 street basketball. Play by the clock (1, 3 or 5 minutes per quarter) or by points (first team to 21 or 50 wins). Select from single game, series or tournament. A password feature is implemented to save your progress. Barkley is the big boss in the tournament mode if you manage to make it to the Finals.

SWEET 16

Select from 16 players, including Barkley himself and 15 street legends. As you would expect, each one has different strengths and weaknesses.

Turbo meter similar to NBA Jam. Watch your balls…

Each game begins with a tip-off from the heavens

And ends with the stats. Whew that was a close one — And ends with stats. Whew, that was a close one

Like NBA Jam, no rules! Let the bodies hit the floor! — Like *NBA Jam*, no rules — let the bodies hit the floor!

POWERFUL JAMS

Dunks aren't quite as outlandish as NBA Jam — Dunks aren’t quite as outlandish as *NBA Jam*

Nothing like a thunderous two-handed reverse FLUSH! — I love the thunderous two-handed reverse FLUSH

Ah, the glory days of the NBA... — Ah, the glory days of the NBA Slam Dunk Contest

Alright, I see you, Gerald Green. I see you *golf clap*

PLAYERS

The round mound of rebound, Barkley is arguably the best player in the game. A fierce rebounder and competitor, Barkley is the king of trash talking.

Two words: rebound specialist. Sans Barkley, no one can touch Chilly when it comes to pulling down boards. He’s got great speed, he can shoot twos and he can jam. Match him up with anyone who can shoot the three to create a potent 1-2 punch. Why is he called Chilly? Don’t piss him off and you’ll be lucky never to find out why.

There’s nothing wimpy about D. This dude will swat it if you pull up in the lane. He’ll rip your head off if you get in front of him for a rebound. Combine his speed and defensive ability with a guy who can shoot the rock and you’ve got a blacktop team to reckon with.

Scouts drool over Dane. A jack of all trades, Dane has made a name for himself on the blacktops. Many believe he could not only play in the NBA but dominate it. But Dane isn’t about the travel life. He’s content being a legend in his own backyard where all the little kids look up to him. He’s not the greatest dunker around, but he does everything else very well to great.

One of the worst 3 point shooters on the circuit, he didn’t earn his name for marksmanship. But if you want spectacular speed and slam dunks, Fly By is your guy.

At the three point arc, this cat is LIGHTS OUT. Sure, he can’t dunk for diddly. And he bricks badly on the occasional 15 footer. Yeah, he gets bounced around inside like a rag doll. But if it’s bombs you want, it’s bombs you’ll get with the Funkster. Oh and you gotta love how he rocks that mini fro.

Gunner earned his nickname for being the best damn shooter around. Sure, he can’t jam for shit, but who cares when you’ve got a guy who can hit from anywhere, is quick as hell and rebounds like a mad man.

Scouts don’t know whether to offer him an NBA tryout or call the FBI. Pure destruction down low, rumor has it Newts once broke a guy’s arm just for looking at him funny. Even Barkley is a little cautious around this certified nut job.

There’s nothing flashy about Sarge, but no one ever outworks or outhustles him. Not the best talent on the streets, but he’s respected for his sheer tenacity and will to win.

Smoothy is quicker as a hiccup. Many have tried to knock off his shades but none have been successful — he’s just too damn fast! Aside from minor rebounding issues, he’s a dynamic little bastard.

While not the most talented player on the circuit, Spike is a legitimate double threat. Crowd him at half court and he’ll blow by you. Give him too much space and he’ll be hitting bombs from downtown.

A monster on the boards, Stonewall guards the paint like it were his booze. Big on intimidation, low on finesse. The battles for rebounding supremacy between him, Chilly, D-Train, Barkley and Newts are legendary.

If you like the long ball, Sweet Pea is your man. He practically knocks down threes in his sleep. He can also high rise with the best of them. A true showoff, Sweet Pea always puts on a show and has developed a cult following. He’s blessed with NBA talent but chooses to keep it in the streets.

If Barkley is the best of the 16, then T-Bone is definitely #2. Essentially the improved version of Dane, who in his own right is a jack of all trades, T-Bone is a KING of all trades. The only player in the game with at least a six out of eight rating in every single category, T-Bone could walk onto an NBA court today and instantly be a top 3 player. His legend grows with each passing day. His battles with Dane are legendary as the two battle to be the LeBron James of street basketball.

Gifted with blinding speed and a tremendous ability to dunk the basketball, he’s earned the moniker of Wildman because that’s the only way to describe his game. He may look like that one unskilled guy you played ball with growing up who could only hustle and jostle, but Wildman is a better shooter than one might think.

A poor man’s Wildman, Xaos has trouble hanging with the big boys. He’s not bad, especially if speed and dunking is your thing. But everything he can do, Wildman does as well or better. If you like underdogs, Xaos is your guy.

BALLIN’ ALL OVER THE STATES

There are eight locations to choose from. Aside from Phoenix, they all take place in the streets. Let’s take a quick tour, then, shall we?

This rooftop blacktop has seen many battles and bruises throughout the years. Those living in the apartment nearby get quite the view.

Better bring your A-game, or you’ll quickly join the heap of trash.

Watts is a residential district in southern Los Angeles. Hoop it up in the schoolyard at night, where a single street lamp oversees the intense action. Don’t bitch about how you can’t see — just shut up and jam.

Players duke it out in this abandoned warehouse. The best players come here every weekend to stake their claim. For them, it’s the perfect way to spend a Saturday morning. Or any other morning for that matter.

It’s always a good time in Miami, unless you’re getting your ass kicked on this beautiful court. The ladies here like to size up the best of the best. While some will play to win their affection and adoration (among other things), others just want to win the game.

It’s not quite the fabled Rucker Park (of Harlem fame), but this court is famous in its own right. Word on the street is Michael Jordan honed his craft here a time or two. There’s always a big rowdy crowd on hand. Can’t handle the intensity? Best go back to your driveway, rook.

Play by the infamous L Train in the shadow of the Windy City. This is yet another famous blacktop where the toughest and roughest have etched their name in the annals of street ball history.

Last stop of the grand tour is the Valley of the Sun where you’ll go up against the great Sir Charles Barkley himself. Few street ballers have earned the right to play ball here and nobody, NOBODY, has ever beaten Barkley in his own building. Can you be the first to rewrite history? [Or solve a mystery… WOO HOO! Ahem, sorry… -Ed.]

Be sure and tell 'em STEVE sent ya! AH-HA-HA-HA-HA! — ***Be sure and tell ‘em STEVE sent ya! AH-HA-HA-HA-HA!***

Hope y’all enjoyed the grand tour. Be sure to stop by the gift shop and tell ‘em… ah, you know the rest!

WHERE AMAZING HAPPENS

Just another day at the office for the Funkster

Wildman doing what he does best: throwing down!

Fast and compact, Smoothy jams it home — Smoothy slams it home **and** keeps his shades on

Sweet Pea is nearly automatic from outside

And he doesn't mind trash talking to boot! — And he doesn’t mind trash talking to boot!

Spike gets so high his Mo almost touches the sky — Spike gets so high his Mohawk *nearly touches the sky*

To the T-Bone fans out there, relax. He'll get his — To the T-Bone fans out there, relax. He’ll get his

T-Bone: The LeBron James of the Streets — T-Bone: The LeBron James of the streets

GODZILLA VS. BARKLEY

The year was 1992. I was watching TV on a random Saturday night when I first saw the commercial for Godzilla vs. Charles Barkley. As a huge Godzilla fan, I couldn’t believe it. At the time I had no idea about the Heisei series (Godzilla films were still being cranked out in the early ’90s on a yearly basis). With no internet back then, the last I saw Godzilla was in Godzilla 1985. So to say that I lost my shit would be a gross understatement. The Big Guy was back!

My drawing I drew some five years later in 1997 — I drew this some five years later in 1997

I even drew a picture of the fight for an art class in junior high. I can’t draw to save my life, but I had a blast drawing this all the same. Good times.

This made me the coolest kid in elementary school

I actually thought when I first saw the commercial in 1992 that they were going to turn this into a movie. My mom even bought me the t-shirt, which made me the coolest kid at school. My friends and classmates loved reading the profiles for Barkley and Godzilla. I recall Barkley’s favorite meal being mom’s home cooking!

Over 25 years ago now!

Bigger than King Ghidorah! Deadlier than MechaGodzilla! It’s… Charles Barkley?!

CHARLES BARKLEY INTERVIEW

As I blew the dust off my old drawing, the wheels started to turn. What if, somehow, I could show Chuck this? And in the process, score an interview with the Round Mound of Rebound? I also asked if I could interview Barkley about his SNES video game. I sent out an email to Barkley’s PR people just over 10 years ago in 2008. Imagine my shock and disbelief when I saw the following in my email box…

From: Charles Barkley’s PR people
Sent: Tue 3.18.08 9:05 AM
To: Steve

Your Godzilla vs. Barkley drawing was sent to Charles, in addition to your request for an interview for his old video game. It was well received. We can set something up for next week. Charles is very busy but he said he can swing 10 minutes.

As a result, I found myself interviewing Charles Barkley on March 26, 2008!

Me: I know you’re busy, so thank you for taking the time.

CB: You gonna give my game a good score, right?

Me: Sure. Of course… so, have you ever heard of RVG Fanatic?

CB: Never in my life.

Me: Real quick, what was the Godzilla gig like?

CB: Fun as hell. The Japanese people love me, and who can blame them?

Me: Do you mind fielding a few general basketball questions before we get to the video game?

CB: Fire away.

Me: You’ve played against both Michael Jordan and Kobe Bryant. Many think Kobe is this generation’s Michael Jordan. How wide is the gap between the two?

CB: I think Kobe’s great, he fantastic, all of that. But people who think he as good as Michael was, they must never have seen Michael. Because if they did, they would say no such thing. But for 2008, Kobe is as close as you gonna get. And I like Kobe, he’s a tremendous talent, but Michael? Come on now!

Me: You’ve had such a wonderful career. Ever wake up in the middle of the night and get that itch?

CB: I used to, you know. But now it’s mainly an itch from a bug bite or something *chuckles* Yeah, those days are long gone. I’m happy where I’m at. Life is good for the Chuckster.

Me: I love your work on TNT with Ernie and Kenny. What is it like being on that show?

CB: It’s great, aside from the lousy pay and some jackass studio people who think they know it all. But man, lemme tell you something, I get to work only one day of the week, I have some good people looking out for me, and best of all, sitting next to two losers like Kenny and Ernie makes me look really good! *chuckles*

Me: Good ol’ Kenny. You gotta love that little Tar Heel bastard. What’s it like working with Kenny?

CB: Like a gawd damn root canal. Naw, working with Kenny is interesting. He always makes me laugh… whenever I look at that ugly ass mug of his *chuckles*

Me: I remember that time you guys played that little joke on Kenny about Justin Timberlake hitting a jumper in his face…

CB: Oh yeah he had that coming. They always trying to clown the Chuckster so any chance I get, I’ll get him. As long as I’m around, he’ll never live that down.

Me: What about Ernie? What’s it like working with him?

CB: Ernie who? Oh you mean that middle-aged white boy riding my coat tails? Oh OK, that Ernie. Naw, Ernie is just wonderful. People stop me on the street all the time to ask me if Ernie is black or white.

Me: And you tell them… ?

CB: That he white as hell. White as Wonder Bread *chuckles*

Me: He keeps you and Kenny in check, eh?

CB: That he does. Naw listen, he’s one of the best in the business. I’m really happy for his success. Couldn’t happen to a nicer guy.

Me: I know your time is precious, so let’s jump to the game now. What are your memories of it?

CB: I was never a big game player, even then, but I saw an opportunity to get involved with a basketball game that I wanted to have my style of play on it. Physical, fast, no rules.

Me: Were the 15 street ballers real? Your partner in the game was Dane. Was he legit?

CB: Most were real, others based off players I seen on the streets. Dane was real. He and I used to play ball growing up. There was nothing the kid couldn’t do. He could have made the NBA but he made some bad choices along the way. You see kids like him in the ‘hood all the time. All the talent in the world but then they get caught up in something that ruins them. Or they simply get caught at the wrong place and wrong time.

Me: That’s too bad. Any others you have a story about?

CB: Every ‘hood has a Chilly. He’s the guy you don’t mess around with. Hell, I think there should be more guys like Chilly in the suburbs. Kids these days too damn soft!

Me: My bro’s favorite player was Sweet Pea. What’s the lowdown on him?

CB: Sweet Pea was real. Ton of talent, big heart. The bigger the crowd the better he played. He used to steal kisses with the honeys on the sideline as he dribbled the ball up. I ain’t never seen that before. Hey, more power to him.

Me: My favorite was T-Bone. Was T-Bone real?

CB: I haven’t thought about T-Bone’s ass in years. So my main man Dane was great, but man, T-Bone was special. He was ahead of his time. He was like the T-Mac of the streets. 6’8″ and there was nothing he couldn’t do. The best player I ever saw who never made it to the NBA.

Me: To bring the interview to a close, I’m going to mention some names of the people who worked on the game with you. Feel free to say something if a name strikes your fancy.

CB: Shoot.

Me: Thanks Sir Charles, it was a real honor.

CB: You got it. Good luck with JVG Fanatic.

Me: RVGFanatic.

CB: Whatever *chuckles*

Note: This was conducted back in March 2008 — Note: This Q&A was conducted back in March 2008

April FOOLS! Sorry I couldn’t resist. But seriously, not to leave you feeling totally cheated, here’s a LEGIT design session held with the Chuckster from back in the day.

SHUT UP AND JAM! DESIGN SESSION

“So this is what you people do? What’s the world coming to?” Thus, amid much laughter, did Charles Barkley start his visit to Accolade. When the day was done, Barkley’s style and personality were part of the product and the design team was happy to have met such an individual who cuts through the “image is everything” athletic Public Relations bull. Refreshing.

The morning began with an overview of competing products. While Barkley is not a big video game player, he already knew what he wanted.

“I think it would be great to be different,” said Barkley. “You don’t want the same old boring thing.”

The basic premise put forward by the design team was a two-on-two game, and within a tournament, a number of games played around the country in different locations. The games would be played in the streets and it was this point that Barkley emphasized.

It was immediately clear that the NBA star felt very strongly that the roots of basketball are in the neighborhoods and playgrounds of America, not in the $200 courtside seats of the NBA. “Basketball is a playground game,” he told the game designers. “It’s where I got my start and it’s where the game of basketball originated.” He told them about players in his old neighborhood who had as much or more talent than guys playing in the NBA, but just didn’t have the breaks or the bucks to make it.

“The level of talent is just tremendous,” he said. “It’s more passionate on the street and people just play because they love the game. We used to play all day in the streets. It’s tremendous basketball, because you have to compete at such a high level. With 10 guys on the side you knew if you lost you wouldn’t get to play for a long time.”

“Basketball has gotten away from its roots,” Barkley explained. “I love the street game. LOVE IT. When you go to the neighborhoods there are legends — people just known by their nicknames.”

Teamwork was another item Barkley mentioned. “It’s important to work as a team. You have to have teammates to help each other. The street game is more passionate. This game will be based off of my personality. I play physical. I play hard. I play aggressive. I want the players to work together. I want the game to be fun.”

Each of these suggestions, along with basic Barkley moves such as the thunder dunk have been incorporated into this game. Interestingly, Barkley had no burning desire to beat other celebrity endorsed products. “I just want to put out a good game.”

HOOK IT UP

Shut Up and Jam! takes advantage of the SNES multitap, allowing for up to four players to partake. The computer is a real pushover, so the real fun lies in playing this game with three others (provided you can find three pals who would be willing to play this over NBA Jam…)

My brother and I, along with our friends from the neighborhood, used to play four player Shut Up and Jam! before competing in some real life 2-on-2 in my backyard. Ah, those were the days. We squeezed lots of fun out of the game, even if it wasn’t very good.

WILT WHO?

What an insane game... I was Fly By — What an insane game! (I was Fly By)

TRASH TALK

The ads for Shut Up and Jam! matched the trash talking intensity of one, Sir Charles.

This photo ain’t blurry.

It’s just how you’re

gonna see me

after I knock

your sorry self

to the blacktop

and dunk

on your head

ten times.

WHAT THE CRITICS SAID

Yes, and we all know how those turn out…

Back in the ’90s, most games with the name of a professional athlete in its title usually sucked. It was like a cheap way of marketing a subpar game to the gullible masses of kids who looked up to these star athletes. Once in a while you got a gem like Ken Griffey Jr. Presents Major League Baseball. Or surprisingly decent efforts like Michael Jordan: Chaos in the Windy City.

But for the most part, games featuring a star athlete’s name in its title were pretty bad. Remember Bill Laimbeer’s Combat Basketball? Or how about…

Barkley Shut Up and Jam! was never reviewed by EGM, GameFan or Super Play. It doesn’t have a savory reputation, to say the least. It’s definitely closer to Shaq Fu than it is to Chaos in the Windy City, in terms of fan reception.

CLOSING THOUGHTS

Shut Up and Jam has more going against it than it does going for it. But that doesn’t mean it’s completely worthless. The gameplay felt a little funky at first and the roster isn’t the greatest, but Shut Up and Jam oddly grew on me after a while. Revisiting this game over a decade ago was an interesting experience. Believe it or not, I liked it quite a bit back in 1994. It was a fun alternative when my friends and I wanted a break from NBA Jam, even though we knew it had fundamental flaws. In spite of its numerous warts, I can still pop it in today for 10 minutes and have a decent time messing around with it.

The graphics and sound are below average. The visuals look muddy, but in some respects I guess it reflects the gritty feel of street ball. The animation is extremely lacking and so players move a bit awkwardly. Despite some stiff animation, thank goodness the game plays fairly fast and tight. There are some digitized speech samples from Barkley, but you hardly notice it.

You shoot, slam, shove and swat. You can run over the opponent, or you can jump and knock their ass to the ground when they go for the big jam. It’s not meant to be taken seriously and when taken at face value, it can be oddly enjoyable. Trying out the different players and team combinations is part of the fun as well. Jump shots must be released at the peak of your jump or you can expect an airball, which happens more here than any other basketball game I’ve ever played. Annoying to say the least!

Although on the surface it may seem a lot like NBA Jam, it really does have its own feel, somewhat. Sans the one arena, I enjoy the blacktop gritty atmosphere the game generates. It’s just a bunch of dudes from the ‘hood balling to be the best. And even though Shut Up and Jam advocates the slam dunk, nothing beats weaving through the lane and then kicking it out to your wide open teammate for the sweet 18 foot jumper. That swish is music to my ears. Let the trash talking begin! And if you’re thinking of making any cheap excuses, just remember this one thing…

Graphics: 4
Sound: 4.5
Gameplay: 4.5
Longevity: 5

Overall: 4.5

Combatribes (SNES)

**Pub & Dev: Technos | March 1993 | 12 MEGS**

We all have those special games that aren’t necessarily great but that we cherish for one reason or another. The memories forged with that game through the years stands the test of time. For me, The Combatribes is that game. The North American SNES port turned 25 years old this month. I have so many nostalgic memories of The Combatribes. I rented it 7 times spanning a period of 6 years at 5 different rental stores. Just last weekend, I beat the game for the first time in 20 years when a friend and I took to the means streets of the Big Apple. It’s still as fun today as I remember it being 25 years ago. In many ways, The Combatribes is a relic from a bygone era. A reminder of when things were simpler. They just don’t make games like this anymore. It’ll always have a special place in my gaming heart.

FLASHBACK TO DECEMBER 1992

It’s been well documented on here that Power Moves was the first import I ever rented. One Saturday in late 1992, I happened to discover a brand new rental store. GAME HUNTER. It was the stuff legends were made of. Nothing but video games. Plastered from wall to wall. Best of all, they had a section devoted entirely to imports. Back in late ’92, this was absolutely mind-blowing.

The following week, January 1993, my dad took me back to Game Hunter. This time my brother accompanied me along, something he rarely did back in those days. But I had hyped up Game Hunter so much that he wanted to see it first hand. It was on that fateful day that we came across The Combatribes. The back of the box sold me with its big colorful sprites and Double Dragon-esque atmosphere. We played it to death that weekend and loved it!

The North American version of The Combatribes landed three months later. I remember seeing it at a mom and pop store named Video Mart. Man, I loved Video Mart. It was the epitome of mom and pop shops. It was stationed in a small lot next to Target. Right across the street you could see the much bigger Hollywood Video. In fact, that picture above is my actual childhood Hollywood Video store. That means right next to that Target sign is Video Mart (sadly not pictured). Anyway, I rented The Combatribes for a second time and my brother and I still loved it.

As the years went on, I rented Combatribes five more times. Back in those days, my brother shipped me out each weekend to rent his game of choice. Half of those Combatribes rentals were on account of my brother’s request. I had a freebie the other half and somehow I always came back to it. It was my comfort food. My mac and cheese, my burger, my pizza. The Combatribes was my special little game. It never failed to put a smile on my face. After all, it’s impossible to swing a thug by his heels, taking out his delinquent buddies in the process, and NOT grin.

Honestly, I don’t know why we never bought the game, seeing as how we rented it so much. But I do remember the last time I rented The Combatribes. It was the summer of 1997. I was feeling nostalgic on this particular Saturday night as an insatiable urge to visit my old stomping grounds overtook me and refused to let go. I guess my dad was in a similar mood because that night he and I made the trek back to our old home town. For what turned out to be the last time, we entered the hallowed halls of Video Mart. The store owner has known me since I was six when I first came trampling through Video Mart in 1989. That was the infamous night where Uncle Jimmy allowed me to rent John Carpenter’s Halloween, but that’s another story for another day.

Thanks, Video Mart and one crazy cool uncle :P — Thanks Video Mart and one crazy cool uncle

The store owner dropped everything he was doing when he saw me walking through his door once more. He looked like he just saw a ghost. And for all intents and purposes, to him perhaps I was. My family moved in early 1996 and it’d been a year and a half since I last visited. He asked me where I’d been. It was like catching up with a long lost uncle you hadn’t seen in ages. Ah, the Video Mart man. And suddenly, all was right again in my innocent young world.

He held the latest for me. He was the greatest

He used to hold a lot of video tapes for me back in the early-mid ’90s. Many nights he’d make a house call. Whether it was for the latest WWF extravaganza or a horror movie, I could count on him to supply me with what I needed. For some reason, I vividly remember a house call he made in 1994. “Hi Steve, Leprechaun 2 just came back in. It’s here on hold waiting for you.” It’s so strange that I remember that phone call conversation to this day, nearly 25 years later.

As I stood there that night, I could hear his accent ringing in my head again. Of course, he was speaking to me in the flesh then and there, y’see.

“Wow! Where have you been?”

Before I could answer, DING DING. I glanced over my shoulder and saw my dad stepping in the small dimly lit store. The two of them greeted as though they were long lost friends. We caught up for a while before I made my way to the corner where all the wrestling and horror tapes sat. Right beside that was a small wooden shelf adorned by about two dozen SNES boxes. It was July 1997 and he was still only renting out SNES games. No PlayStation, no Nintendo 64 or even Saturn. God Bless Video Mart. A flood of memories swept over me like a star streaking through the night sky as I gazed at the 24 or so SNES boxes. My eyes caught sight of The Combatribes. Oh my gosh… this was the same copy I rented over four years ago back in 1993. Sentimental value overtook me as I figured I would give it one last hurrah.

Saving the Big Apple one last time.. — Saving the Big Apple one last time…

My brother couldn’t believe I came home that night with The Combatribes in tow. After all, it was ’97 and we had pretty much made the jump over to the PlayStation and N64. But for that one magical weekend, we turned back the clock. We beat the game three times before my dad and I headed back the very next night to return it. The Video Mart man greeted me with a huge grin and wished me the best of luck in high school. He also told me to please come back and visit. I said I would…

But sadly I never did.

High school happened. Life happened.

When I finally stopped by again in the late ’90s, Video Mart was gone. It was a sad day for me, and it made me wish that I’d visited earlier and kept my word. It’s a sad ending but I’ll never forget all the memories Video Mart gave me. Wherever that family may be today, I hope that life is treating them well.

Whenever I play this, I can't help but think of Video Mart — *Whenever I play this,* *I can’t help but think* *of Video* *Mart*

NO COMBATRIBES DIATRIBE HERE

This marks my third and final review for The Combatribes. I submitted my first review of it to some random gaming site back in 1999. I wrote my second review for The Combatribes on March 30, 2007. Today — March 30, 2018 — marks 11 years since I wrote that review. This is as much a review as it is a loving look back on my nostalgic memories of the game.

My summary of Combatribes in an SNES book — The “RF” is short for RVG Fanatic

My buddy Jeffrey Wittenhagen recently published a massive Super Nintendo book summarizing all 700+ North American SNES games. Several retro gamers contributed to the project; I was honored and lucky to be one of them. I wrote about nine game, including EarthBound and The Combatribes.

BEST ADVERTISING EVER

Oh God no! I'm not talking about THIS ad! — Oh God no! I’m not talking about THIS ad!

Oh definitely not! Look at poor Bullova there looking like f*cking Teen Wolf! They even switched his colors with Blitz’s. Speaking of Blitz, he looks like a Native American zombie! His in-game model does not look like that at all. The arcade version didn’t have such a hot ad but the SNES version definitely did.

Now if that isn’t the best SNES ad ever, I don’t know what is! 25 years later and I still remember it word for word. That closing remark is downright Schwarzeneggerian – “CYBORGS AIN’T LADIES!!” That’s just f*cking gold.

I liked the two in-game shots they chose, too. The blurbs were vintage early ’90s. I remember wanting to “blast the blazin’ Slash Skaters under the strobe lights of the Lexington Disco.” There was even a 1-on-1 VS. mode that tried to capitalize on the whole Street Fighter II rage. The mode wasn’t really good but hey, home bonuses!

THE STORY GOES…

I love how New York City is deemed “the center of all evil in the United States.” Good one, Technos…

Blitz: Sup with you, Bullova? — Blitz: *What’s up with you, Bullova*?

Berk: Oh boy. Its gonna be a long night... — Berzerker: *Oh boy. I see it’s gonna be a long night…*

THE COMBATRIBES

Power: ** Speed: ** — Power: **
Speed: **

I’m not sure why they changed the spelling of his name from Berserker in the arcade to Berzerker (maybe they were trying to go for that “cool” early ’90s ‘tude thing), but as you might guess, Berk is the all-around fighter of the group. He’s got decent power and speed. His swing has two revolutions.

Ah, Bullova. He was my guy from DAY ONE. The powerhouse of the group, Bullova can sustain the most damage of the trio. Slower than a snail but stronger than an ox, his swing sees a whopping four revolutions.

Not surprisingly, Blitz (as in Blitzkrieg) is the fastest of the group, but also the weakest. He incurs the most damage of the three but he’s quick enough to evade the carnage in some cases. Because he’s the weakest, his swing only gets one revolution. Poor guy.

And there’s the arcade shot. Not sure why they changed the height and weight, but the arcade version is super questionable. Berserker is 7 foot tall but only 176 pounds? Who is he — Manute Bol?!

THE MOVES OF DOOM

What resonated with me so much 25 years ago was all the killer moves you could do to inflict pain and punishment on the bad guys. My favorite one was the giant swing. Grab a thug by his heels and spin him round, knocking out anyone caught in his path of whirling destruction. It was brilliant and made me think, “Why hasn’t a beat ‘em up done this before?!”

Gather round now... — Gather ’round now…

Sadly censored but them the breaks — Sadly censored but not that big a deal

As satisfying as it is disturbing... — As satisfying as it is disturbing…

Again sadly censored but them the breaks

SAVING THE BIG APPLE

Bullova, meet the Motorcycle Nuclear Warheads. Warheads, meet Bullova’s fist.

Bullova, ever the well-rounded Samaritan and not one to discriminate, shows off his lethal kicks as well.

Warheads are led by a fat slob that goes by the name of Fats. How appropriate! Before the big battle, he tells you he’ll give you a taste of his “lumber.” Hmm, just another typical night in the Big Apple, eh? Shouldn’t have wore that lipstick, Bullova…

Swinging a bad guy makes you invincible for the duration of your swing. It comes in real handy! I love Fats’ lumber — wait whoa! That didn’t come out right. But look at the amazing amount of detail on that sucker. I guess that’s what 12 MEGS of hot arcade action will get ‘cha back in good old 1993. Keep whacking his lumber [Er… -Ed.] and eventually Fats will lose his meal ticket.

Whatever you do, don’t try to throw Fats. He’s too big and will shove you hard to the canvas. Great attention to detail by Technos!

Speaking of attention to detail, look at the pain etched on Fats’ face as Bullova sends his fat ass flying to the ground. The SNES version added in some basic cutscenes between levels where the defeated boss offers some tips to our victorious heroes.

Making your way to Coney Island, you’re greeted by the Demon Clowns. The clowns are agile and somersault to safety if you attempt to throw them. Some even come drifting down from the sky on balloons. Gotta love that! But yeah, if you see Pennywise and the Joker, you’re not alone.

Technos with some major balls. First the Joker and now Karnov! Salamander is a big bad dude who carries a torch. He breathes fire and would be a hell of a smash hit at your local summer barbecue.

Remember Karnov from the arcade and later the NES? Damn, Technos…

Salamander will lose his torch after enough damage is inflicted. Watch out for his tricky leg kick when he’s down on the ground.

Bullova defeats Karnov, I mean, Salamander, and the dude squeals. I hope you like disco, because that’s where we’re headed!

LEXINGTON KING, HERE WE COME! Greet the Slash Skate Screamers with a meaty fist to the face. Swing them round and round over the flashing disco lights. Make it a night they’ll never forget… or remember…

“GIMME, GIMME, GIMMIE A MAN AFTER MIDNIGHT! Won’t somebody help me chase the shadows away?“ I can almost hear ABBA’s classic 1979 disco song blaring in my head as I dish out justice and show these bozos what a real Saturday night in New York looks like!

Appropriately named Trash, this guy is a handful. He always takes me a continue or two to beat.

Swinging the skaters offers you temporary protection. After a long and grueling war, Trash clues you in to the next turf. Who’s up for a little baseball?

Nothing completes a quality beat ‘em up quite like a bad guy with a Mohawk. But don’t get caught up admiring it for long, unless you like being stabbed!

Throwing a bad guy into his buddies never fails to satisfy. The same can be said for a well placed uppercut that sends a bald mofo sailing in the air.

Windwalker carries a vicious Tomahawk, and he isn’t afraid to use it.

Bullova fights valiantly, but Windwalker’s Tomahawk proves to be too much.

Bodyslamming bald bastards may be a riot but it can leave you wide open for a vicious shoulder tackle. Luckily, Bullova gets the last laugh. Is there anything better in a beat ‘em up than clearing a stage with barely any health remaining?!

Windwalker is oddly admirable. Before the fight he promises to reveal everything you need to know should you be successful in defeating him, which he claims no one has done before. After losing to our heroes, Windwalker honors his word. See? There’s a decent soul underneath all that war paint and savagery.

Ground Zero Headquarters is at 1991 GZ Avenue, eh? How creative. Speaking of creative (or not), The Combatribes does what many beat ‘em ups from that era did… a boss rush on the final stage! Normally, I’m not a fan of the boss rush, but it’s actually not too bad here thanks to the fact that your health bar is refilled after each boss.

Shouldn’t you have learned your lesson last time, Fats? [I could ask you the same, Bullova… -Ed.]. Touche!

Elevator scenes are a classic staple in beat ‘em ups, but for me The Combatribes by far did it best! Double noggin knocker FTW!

There’s just too much subtle black humor in this game. I love it!

Karnov, I mean, Salamander… is back for more. He’s not so hot without his torch. Sorry…

Beware Trash’s gimpy leg attack. But if you position yourself correctly, you can safely squash the punk bastard!

Windwalker, I thought we were good, yo?! Nevermind, I take back what I said about you earlier being honorable and decent. DIIIIIIE!!!!! Hey, one of us has to, and it ain’t gonna be me! I got better things to do tonight than die.

Finally we make it to the top floor. You’re greeted by gun-toting enforcers. Lucky you! Fortunately, their long bodies are great for swinging and taking out their buddies.

Unfortunately, they’ll snipe yo ass if you let them.

Swinging protects you from even bullets. Whew! No time to admire the gorgeous night view — Bullova is too busy serving knuckle sandwiches!

Before you can exit to the rooftop, M. Bison, I mean, M. Blaster comes after you like the friggin’ T-1000 from Terminator 2: Judgment Day.

Enforcers prove to be real pesky. If they’re not busy nailing you with the butt of their rifles, they be sniping yo ass!

Bullova is so strong that simply running into bad guys will knock them over! No punch required, although it certainly adds to the fun. But just when you think you got things in order, M. Blaster reveals a f*cking gun from his chest. Who does he think he is — MechaGodzilla?!

There’s no loyalty left in this world. Martha Splatterhead, we comin’ for you!

Martha is a bitch. It takes me at least two continues to beat her, if not three or four. On an interesting side note, the name Martha Splatterhead was taken from an ’80s punk band, The Accüsed, who had a zombie mascot by the same moniker. Technos with the shout out!

Splatterhead is lightning quick. She’s got that M. Bison psycho power shit going for her. You feel quite lucky when you do manage to get your licks in.

Technos back in those days had an affinity for making the final blow happen in slow mo. It makes delivering that last attack so damn satisfying.

Martha reveals she can’t control herself and that you were the only one who could put an end to her terrible reign. It’s actually quite sad. I even felt a little sympathetic for her. She was a cyborg programmed for evil. She couldn’t help herself, even if she wanted to. I always felt this made her stand out from the typical “I want to rule the world!” type of final boss we would see in similar games from that era.

There’s a strange mix of melancholy and triumph in the closing shots. Martha Splatterhead was once a part of The Combatribes unit, but went rogue. Still, there will always be that inexplicable bond shared between the four of them. Thus, the boys set out to give Martha a proper burial. It’s interesting to note that in the arcade, Martha Splatterhead has no backstory and she shows up at the end as the true big bad with no explanation. I like how the SNES home port humanized her. Well, as much as one can humanize a cyborg, anyhow!

STREET FIGHTER II — NOT REALLY

Remember the home port of Double Dragon on the NES? It contained a special home bonus: a 1-on-1 fighting game mode. It was very basic though but hey, it’s hard to complain about anything that is a bonus.

Technos does it again! At the end of each stage, a password is given. This password isn’t to skip stages, though. It’s used rather to unlock the bad guys in the 1-on-1 mode. Select from one of three stages. The first two stages contains hazards similar to the Death Matches from World Heroes. The third stage takes place in a single plane field.

Insert the code of 9207 and it gives you access to all 16 fighters! Now before you get too excited — no SNES fighting game gave you 16 characters until 1994’s Super Street Fighter II — it is pretty limited in terms of moves and overall fluid control. Still, it’s a notable home bonus and certainly a novelty that’s worth checking out at least once if not a few times. It’s definitely better than the Double Dragon one.

Curious to see who would win between Fats and Salamander? Wonder no more! This mode answers all your burning questions. I love the animation of Fats “running.”

There’s a subtle sense of black humor to this game, as seen here. Fats may appear to be safe but in actuality he’s quite screwed.

Hilarious! My brother and I used to just dick around on this mode back in the day. Like I said, it’s mostly a novelty but it can kill 10 minutes or so.

Fascinated to try one of the low-tier bums? You can! It’s interesting to note that their health starts out lower than the bosses and protagonists, and rightfully so. These fighters are pretty much useless but it quells the morbid curiosity.

Bullova channeling his inner HADOKEN! This special move is exclusive to this mode. Nice to see Technos put some effort into it.

Surrounding hazard will harm you if touched. This probably looks ho-hum now but back in early 1993 it was rather memorable and impressive.

Martha Splatterhead or M. Blaster? You can finally settle that score once and for all…

This mode makes me think of Street Combat for some reason — VS. mode reminds me of *Street Combat* for some reason

Gonzo. Now there's a word in need of a comeback! :P — **Gonzo**. Now there’s a word in need of a comeback!

ARCADE VS. SNES COMPARISON

*Big. Beefy!* Up to 3 players can play at once

Not as big. Beefy-ish — Just 2 here but that was the norm

I do like the bald bastards though! — I do like the bald bastards though

Sadly just visual props in the SNES port :( — Sadly they’re just visual props in the SNES port

Notice the store name -- Burgers and Brew — Notice the store name *Steak & Brew Burger*

Changed to Steak and Shake — Changed to *Steak & Shake*

They now have Kunio's face! — They now have Kunio’s face!

No scaffold in SNES version — No scaffold in the SNES version

It’s interesting to note, concerning the differences in stage two, that a picture was used for the SNES port in the February 1993 issue of EGM that depicted said scaffold. Whether this was a beta shot of the actual SNES port or not, we’ll never know.

The graphics suggest it's an early SNES beta and not arcade — Graphics suggest an early SNES beta and not arcade

It had funky images on the TV screens — Funky images flashed on the TV screens

And different bad guys other than the skaters — Different bad guys other than the skaters

Only skaters and no weird imagery on the TV screens

[I dont think thats how the song goes... -Ed.] — *[I don’t think that’s how the song goes… -Ed.]*

Though I much prefer SNES! — I much prefer the look of this!

Battle M. Blaster on the rooftop in the arcade — Battle M. Blaster on the rooftop

You battle him here in the SNES port — But you battle him here in the Super Nintendo port

But in the arcade version... — And you fight Martha Splatterhead on the rooftop

Theres a sixth stage! — … there’s a sixth stage ***and*** a mob boss!

Whoa, no wonder they cut him out of the SNES port... — Whoa, no wonder they cut him out of the SNES port…

Fight Splatterhead on the docks in the arcade — Splatterhead wants you all to herself!

Super Famicom version had blood — Super Famicom port had blood

American version censored — American version was censored

CHEAT CODES

On controller 2, hold X, A, and L and reset the game. Release the buttons when the title screen appears. 10 Credits

On controller 2, hold L , R and Select and reset the game. Release the buttons when the title screen appears. 30 Credits

On controller 2, hold X + Y on it, and reset the game. Release the buttons when the title screen appears. 5 Round Match in VS. Mode

Hold L, R, and Up on controller 2 then reset the game. Double your life

On controller 2, hold A + B on it, and reset the game. Release the buttons when the title screen appears. One Round Match in VS. Mode

On controller 2, hold A+B+L+R and reset the game. Release the buttons when the title screen appears. Super Difficulty Level

WHAT THE CRITICS SAID

The critics were not too kind to The Combatribes. GameFan gave it ratings of 48, 56, 69 and 69%. Super Play rated it 57%. But among retro gamers on the internet it seems to have a decent fan following. It’s definitely not for everyone, but I enjoyed it a lot 25 years ago and I still do to this day.

CLOSING THOUGHTS

As you can tell from this extensive rundown of my history with The Combatribes, it has a special place in my gaming heart. While it isn’t the smoothest playing beat ‘em up on the SNES (that honor goes to Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles IV: Turtles In Time), it’s an absolute blast playing this with a like-minded friend. In my experience, more fun than most other 2-player SNES beat ‘em ups. In fact, it’s a completely different experience (and animal) when playing with a buddy in tow. Double the swinging and double the smashing makes a bonafide difference. There are some beat ‘em ups that I can have fun playing alone but The Combatribes was designed for two players in mind. Yes, it’s a little clunky and rough around the edges, but there’s so much brutality and subtle black humor that I can’t help but love it. Jumping on a goon’s back before smashing his face in the canvas, or swinging him by his heels to takes out any compadres within arm’s length… this is the epitome of what it feels like to be a brooding badass! The visuals were very good for its time. Colors are bright and bold, and I swear it isn’t TOO far off from the 1990 arcade original. Even today, there’s a certain charm to the graphics. Animation is a bit suspect occasionally but the character sprites and backgrounds are all high in quality. The music can be catchy and the sound effects are rather convincing. Every crunch and smack sounds satisfying.

But as I mentioned, the gameplay has its share of blemishes. For all that it does uniquely (the giant swing being perhaps most notable), there’s a lot of genre staples sadly missing. This includes no weapons, no health refills, no jump option and a lack of throws and combos. But these are small gripes I can put up with. One flaw that many others have stated over the years is the length of the stages, or rather, the lack thereof. Each stage is more like a short area or zone. The levels don’t stretch on and on as most other beat ‘em ups do. But I rationalized this as kid as it being a legitimate turf war. Since Martha Splatterhead controls the gangs of New York, they each own a little slice of the Big Apple. They’re not rulers of entire countries. Instead, they own a very small turf. And it’s your job to invade it and take it back. In a weird way, this added a sense of “realism” to the game for me. Er, nevermind the fact that you’re playing as cyborgs beating up hordes of clones!

The small nature of the stages also added to the atmosphere. It sort of has that quaint “small town feel” going for it. Also, due to the short length of the five stages, the game can be beaten in around half an hour or so. It’s quick to pick up and play. Some beat ‘em ups can go on for 45 minutes or even close to an hour. The Combatribes is over before it wears out its welcome. Look, I understand this game isn’t for everyone, and my general sentiments about this game may be a bit baffling to some. But it’s a game I’ve cherished for 25 years now, and it’ll always be one of my personal pet favorites in spite of the fact that it’s not necessarily great. Hey, we all have those games we connect with that resonates with us that not everyone will get. The Combatribes will forever have a special place in my heart. It’s a relic from the halcyon days of gaming. It hearkens me back to an era where saving the Big Apple with a buddy made for the perfect Saturday night. And if you’re not down with that, WE GOT THREE WORDS FOR YA!!!

Graphics: 8.5
Sound: 8.5
Gameplay: 7.5
Longevity: 7

Overall: 8.0
Silver Award

Just this past weekend, my friend and I had a blast beating The Combatribes. It was my first time beating it in over 20 years

Lennus II (SNES)

***Pub: Asmik | Dev: Copya Systems| July 1996 | 32 MEGS***

Ah, sequels. You gotta love them. Well OK, if not the execution then at least the idea of what a good sequel should be. After all, no matter how bad a sequel might turn out, at least we’ll always have the original. But in some cases, the sequel is vastly superior. Lennus II is the little known sequel to Paladin’s Quest (known as Lennus in Japan). Paladin’s Quest had much potential but fell short in a few key areas. Lennus II is definitely an upgrade in many ways. It’s everything the original should have been. Don’t get me wrong, it’s not in the elite class of top flight SNES RPGs, but it more than holds its own. There’s also a charm to it being so obscure and the game itself being very weird in general. It’s got that Japanese flare to it and if you thought Paladin’s Quest was a bit off the beaten path, you haven’t seen anything yet…

THE FIRST LENNUS — PALADIN’S QUEST

My previous review was for Paladin’s Quest, the prequel to Lennus II. It is a flawed RPG but there was some merit to it. Namely the mercenary system, its unique usage of magic skills and a bizarre dystopian universe. Unfortunately, the battles were a bit plodding, the control awkward, and character development lacking. A sequel was released (in Japan only) during the summer of 1996 under the name of Lennus II. It basically takes everything intriguing about the original and improves upon it. If you liked Paladin’s Quest then you’ll likely dig the sequel. A fair warning: the following review contains a ton of (late) in-game shots. While I don’t necessarily reveal any major spoilers, you may want to finish Lennus II before reading the rest of this review. But if you don’t mind, by all means read on… ^_^

THE ADVENTURE CONTINUES

Lennus II opens up rather auspiciously. Our hero is awakened in a strange cryptic world and is being heralded by the locals as some sort of SAVIOR. Everyone is counting on you to retrieve four hidden treasures. This must be done in order to unlock the “Great Union.” Hmmm…

The question is what happens after you find all four... — The question is what happens after you find all four…

Classic RPG fetch quest fashion, innit? — Classic RPG *fetch quest* fashion, innit?

With great power comes great responsibility... — With great power comes great responsibility…

Opening those item shells makes a satisfying sound

This makes Lennus II a great pick-up-and-play RPG — This makes *Lennus II* a great pick-up-and-play RPG

It truly does. Whereas most RPGs you can only save when finding an inn or even select save points in a long dungeon, Lennus II allows you to save anywhere at any time. So you really can play this game for 15 minutes before bed and not have to worry about finding an inn. It’s not only convenient — it’s super inviting, too.

Um, I don't know how accurate the fan translation is... — Um, I don’t know *how accurate* the fan translation is…

But it sure makes for some laughs here and there! — … but it sure makes for some occasional laughs!

Once again, you can hire the mercenaries you want

Master these eight spells in order to beat the game

Proof that SIZE MATTERS! No puny dinky beds here — Proof that SIZE MATTERS! No puny, dinky beds here

*None of the bosses will win any sort of beauty contest*

The bosses are much improved for the sequel. They’re bigger, badder and much more satisfying to kill. Just seeing their sprites on the map is quite a sight to behold. Whereas I had some complaints about the boss battles from the first game, I have none here. Copya Systems definitely made up for the first game’s boss shortcomings.

You'll meet some strange wacky NPCs along the way — You’ll meet some strange wacky NPCs along the way

Part of the fun of playing RPGs is interacting with all the quirky non-playing characters. Of which Lennus II has in no short supply. The fan translation is a joy to read and made me want to push on to see what weird new NPCs I might run into next…

One treasure down. Getting closer to this "Great Union" — One treasure down. Getting closer to the *Great Union*

Um, no comment here. Moving on, then... — Looks like this couple is *making their own Great Union*

Some basic but fun sequencing sections come into play — Some basic but fun sequencing sections soon appear

Search every nook and cranny for far-out items

Who's this cryptic Zordon wannabe -- Bryan Cranston?! — *Who’s this cryptic Zordon wannabe — Bryan Cranston?!*

I love RPGs with ridiculously high HP and money stats — Love RPGs with ridiculously high HP and money stats

He's a magic spirit. Defeat him to gain his services — Defeat this magic spirit in order to gain his services

Igles is a friendly giant. Hmm, a case of deja vu... — Igles is a friendly giant. Hmm, a slight case of deja vu

The Stone Golem from Breath of Fire — The Stone Golem from *Breath of Fire*

Almost there... just one hidden treasure left to attain... — Almost there. Just one hidden treasure left to attain…

... but you knew it wouldn't come so easily, didn't cha? — … but you knew it wouldn’t come so easily!

I have a bad feeling about this... — I have a bad feeling about this…

“You did it Steve!”

“Of course. Now what?”

“Place each one in its proper slot, and see”

“You promise nothing bad will happen?”

“Oh but of course…”

Not the brightest bulb in the pack, is he?

Told you there was something fishy about this fetch quest farce. You knew the game couldn’t end after securing the four artifacts. In fact, it is only just beginning.

Gotta love how some try to convince you of their worthiness — Some try to convince you of their worth

Part of the fun lies in deciding which mercenaries to recruit. Some are better than others in certain areas. Who will you pick and invest in? Who will you let go of? Character development is still a little thin but it is better than Paladin’s Quest.

*WINCES* Don't mess with Myra — ***WINCES*** Don’t mess with Myra

Especially since she's 1337 — Especially since she’s 1337

Lennus II: The Legend of the Seven Stars, er, Seals... — *Lennus II: The Legend of the Seven Stars*, er, Seals…

After securing the four artifacts and unleashing the Great Union, it’s up to you to right your wrong by collecting seven seals. It’s not called Lennus II: The Apostles of the Seals for nothing.

No judgment here Tara. Do your thang, girl — No judgment here Tara. ***Do your thang, girl***

Some dodgy fellows there. Guess where the pee goes — *Some dodgy fellas there*. I wouldn’t pee in front of ‘em

This fan translation has its fair spot of (subtle) humor — So that’s where the urine goes. Yum…

Ah, the slums. One of the best parts of Lennus II

Lennus II contains moderate religious overtones — *Lennus II* contains moderate religious overtones

In the spring of 2013, I played the Blind Man in a major Easter musical. 10,000+ people came to watch our show over the course of two weekends. I minored in Theatre Arts in college so acting has always been something I’ve enjoyed. It was a great experience and a blast to get healed by Jesus every night. After which, I’d run around the stage screaming “I CAN SEE! I CAN SEE!” So when I came across this scene in Lennus II, you bet your ass it brought back fond memories!

There are some quirky side quests along the way

Haha is that so... WAIT WHAT?! — *laughs* Is that so… ***WAIT WHAT?!***

Lennus II was ahead of its time. It knew the future — *Lennus II* was ahead of its time. It knew the future

I don’t know about you but where I live libraries are reducing hours drastically. Book stores are rapidly becoming rare. There’s even talk that one day libraries might even cease to exist. What a shame that would be. It’s bad enough that Toys R Us are going out of business, but libraries? That better NEVER happen. I’ll be damned should that day ever come! *shakes fist* My childhood was built on library and book store visits. And I want my future children to experience the same joys I did when I was a kid.

Zaygos was the villain in Paladin's Quest. Nice callback — Zaygos was the villain in *Paladin’s Quest*. Nice callback

Some deep questions are posed... awaiting answers... — Some deep questions are posed and *await answering*

Come on, I don't want to be in Paranormal Activity 13! — Come on, I don’t want to be in Paranormal Activity 13!

I love how the translation breaks the fourth wall

It makes me chuckle when I think about how I used to blindly detest RPGs back in the ’90s. It wasn’t until 2003 that my mindset toward RPGs did a complete 180. All the credit goes to the epochal Sega Saturn Magazine (the best gaming magazine of all time in my humble opinion). SSM championed the RPG genre like no other, and their overwhelming passion quickly won me over as I read through their issues. Glad I got over my youthful ignorance. 15 years, eh? Here’s to another 15 years!

Hearkens you back to Harry Potter a bit, doesn't it? — Hearkens you back to *Harry Potter* a bit, doesn’t it?

Keep a notepad nearby to jot down critical notes

I love archiving and always recommend the like-minded to keep some sort of log. It pays to keep a record of things. And games like this are perfect for keeping a list of notes on.

Uh, I usually pay, but YOU wanna pay? OK then.... — Uh, I usually pay, but **YOU** wanna pay? OK then….

I know how he feels. I like staring at my collection too :) — I know how he feels. I like admiring my collection too

Where have I seen this before? Feels like deja vu... — Where have I seen this before? Feels like deja vu…

From Breath of Fire II. What a strange coincidence... — Ah yes, from Breath of Fire II. Eerily similar, innit?

This scene reminds me of Black Friday. One of my favorite gaming memories was Black Friday 2010. Having partaken in the fiasco the year before, I decided to ditch the festivities in 2010. Rather than shopping with my cousins and wading through the masses, I went home to begin my trek through Terranigma. A most glorious evening, to say the least

Lord Steve, eh? I can get used to that... [Please -Ed.] — Lord Steve, eh? I can get used to that…

Props to these good folks for translating this game!

Nasty bosses guard each one of the seven seals

That's true for ALL women. Did I say that out loud? :P — That’s true for *ALL* women. Did I say that out loud?

Being kind pays off. What comes around goes around — Being nice pays off. *What goes around comes around*

Give Goltork the belt to unearth another seal — Give Goltork the belt to reveal one of the seven seals

Oh Lord. Some people just never learn their lessons... — Damn, some people never learn from their mistakes…

This part conjures some painful memories

It’s a flashback to the first game’s most difficult section. This version, however, is thankfully a cakewalk. Whew.

Don't even start.... — Don’t even start…

*[Steve tends to have that charming effect on people -Ed.]*

Come on, what am I, Donald Trump?! *rimshot*

Items, experience points and a world of pain lie ahead... — Items, experience points **and** lots of pain lie ahead…

You don't want to know what's lurking behind that... — You don’t want to know what’s lurking behind that…

I love it when RPGs feature ridiculously high statistics

Another thing I appreciate about Lennus II is that stat increments across the board are shown when leveling up. Not all RPGs do this and it’s always annoying when that’s the case.

Wait, eight seals?? I thought there were only seven... — Wait, eight seals?! I thought there were only seven…

Castle of Illusion Starring Midia Mouse? Ahem, sorry... — *Castle of Illusion Starring Midia Mouse*? Ahem, sorry…

Lennus II does a splendid job of referencing back to Paladin’s Quest from time to time. It isn’t necessary to play through Paladin’s Quest first, though it doesn’t hurt if you want to know the entire backstory.

Did somebody mention Castle of Illusion... :D — Did somebody mention *Castle of Illusion*?

This racing bit adds some diversity to the proceedings — Sure, why not

I love those Rita Repulsive looking ears back there — I love those Rita Repulsa looking ears back there

Lennus II continues the unique looking visuals from the first game. But now they’re significantly improved from the 8-bit looking predecessor. Speaking of which, did you know Paladin’s Quest originally started as a Game Boy game? But due to the rising popularity of the SNES in 1992, the Game Boy vision went up in flames. Although the visuals of Lennus II aren’t up to par with some of the RPGs that came before, they get the job done. I like this part in particular. The clouds zoom by in the background at a breakneck speed, creating a nice atmospheric scene.

Steve has unlocked 1337 status [It's only a game -Ed.] — Steve has unlocked 1337 status [It’s only a game -Ed.]

More than a passing reference, Midia shows up!

Place the dragon statues over those red dots

Aww. Good ol' Midia was always the sentimental type — Awww. Good ol’ Midia — always the sentimental type

To truly discover yourself, take the path less traveled — To ***truly*** discover yourself, take the path less traveled

What lies inside? You hope it's worth the hunt and hassle! — What lies inside? You hope it’s worth the hunt…

I don’t know about you but I tend to have OCD when it comes to RPGs. I must explore every last nook and cranny so as not to miss any key items. It irks me when there are multiple routes and I happen to select the one that leads to a boss. And there goes my chance of finding any treasure! There’s nothing better than finding treasure on your first try when there are multiple routes.

Some items are stashed away in obscure locations

Shades of the Runaway Five from EarthBound! Lennus II features its own musical group and it’s up to you to locate their five missing instruments. Nothing bad happens should you fail to secure them all. It’s just a silly little side quest for the OCD gamers out there, like myself!

Kick mercenaries to the curb as you please

I love Chest's last remark. Don't hold your breath! — I love Chest’s last remark. Don’t hold your breath!

Better get in line, toots. And it's a long line [Riiight -Ed.] — Better get in line toots. *And it’s a long line* *[Riiight -Ed.]*

Movement is not as slow as it was in Paladin's Quest — Movement is not as slow as it was in *Paladin’s Quest*

I like the overworld map. Your hero looks a lot like a SD (Super Deformed) character. Later in the game you can move around the map by riding that funky looking animal there, or via airship.

Ain't that a cold slice of truth, Nel. Preach it, bro! — Ain’t that a cold slice of truth, Nel. Preach it, bro!

I love when RPGs hit close to home with comments like this. They are thought-provoking and it’s always gratifying when a game makes you ponder for a moment about life itself.

Enter the theatre and bear witness to a masterful montage of Lennus’ history. Moments like this helps to sweep you away to a far away land of awe and wonder.

Translators having a bit of fun here, me thinks

Only you know for sure why. BIG being the key word! — Only you know for sure why. ***BIG*** being the key word!

Unearth all sorts of weird items throughout your quest — Unearth all sorts of weird items during your journey

A rather touching and heartfelt moment :) — A touching and heartfelt moment. Poignant, even

More cool references to the first game abound later on — More cool callbacks to the first game appear later on

Chezni is a beloved and revered hero in Lennus — Chezni is a beloved and revered folk hero in Lennus

Yes, Chezni embarked on a quest... Paladin's Quest :P — Yes, Chezni embarked on a quest… *Paladin’s Quest*

Which path to take first? Hope you don't miss any items! — Which path to take first? My OCD is already kicking in

Don't you hate it when you get blue blobs... O_o — Damn blue blobs… always stopping a good time, eh?

This cave is pretty rough. Those annoying blue blobs follow you around like a lost puppy. You’ll have to fight them if enough flies follow. Sure they look small and weak on their own, but they’re a sight for sore eyes when they combine together to form one huge blue blob of destruction.

Love this part! Fan translation is super self-aware

You gotta play this game on the real SNES hardware :) — You gotta play this game on the real SNES hardware!

This boss guards not one but two seals. Double tough! — This boss guards not one but **two** seals. Double tough

Some battle zones, like this one, seem to drag on — Some battle zones, like this one, seem to drag a bit

One seal left! But a grumpy geezer blocks your path

Lots of diverse locales to explore, including Lennus

Can you make it to the last boss? Can you survive the finale? — Behold, the instrument of **death**. Can you save Andel?

Steve offers sage advice to comfort this lost lass

This guy is HILARIOUS! We all know one in real life... — This guy is ***HILARIOUS***. We all know one in real life…

[Whoa Steve! So much for "blue blobs"... -Ed.] — *[Whoa Steve! So much for “blue blobs”… -Ed.]*

[I guess a tiger can't change its stripes after all -Ed.] — *[I guess a tiger can’t change its stripes after all -Ed.]*

WHAT THE CRITICS SAID

16 MEGS? Try doubling that. 32 MONSTER MEGS! — 16 MEGS? Try doubling that. **32 MONSTER MEGS!**

Lennus II was never officially released in North America due to the simple fact that Paladin’s Quest didn’t exactly set the SNES world on fire. Also, the 16-bit era was all but dead by the summer of 1996. An English translation would have pushed a potential release date into late ’96 and there was no chance in hell of that even being considered. Lennus II is fairly obscure and not often talked about. After scouring the net for information on this game, I can count the total number of Lennus II reviews on one hand. But here are some of the comments I managed to dig up: “Truly fantastic” and “One of the best sequels ever.” While I wouldn’t go so far, Lennus II is definitely a solid and worthy sequel.

Classic ol' Super Play — Credit Yousuke Kato and Keisuke Goto for the design

CLOSING THOUGHTS

Superior to its predecessor, Lennus II is a solid sequel — Superior to its predecessor, *Lennus II* is a solid sequel

Lennus II is a sensible example of how to do a sequel right. The first game had potential but ultimately fell short in several categories. The sequel improves on every aspect while continuing the storyline and unique artistic style of Paladin’s Quest. It’s just simply a competent RPG in every respect. It doesn’t do any one thing in particular to knock your socks off, but it does it all in a quietly satisfying manner. Visually, it’s much improved over the first game. That’s to be expected though since Lennus II came out nearly four years following Paladin’s Quest. If you compare Lennus II to other SNES RPGs that came out around the same time or even a little before, it is admittedly a bit visually lacking by comparison. But it still gets the job done. The music is pretty good. It’s very ambient, which helps to set a striking mood. Most importantly though, the game plays much better than the first one did. It flows better than Paladin’s Quest. Movement is a lot smoother as are the battles. Those were two parts that hampered the first game big time. Thankfully, Copya Systems got it right second time around.

You'll be greeted by some fascinatingly bizarre sights! — You’ll be greeted by some *fascinatingly bizarre* sights!

So what stops Lennus II from being great? Similar to the first game, the characters never feel fully fleshed out. The mercenaries come and go, some with very minimal development. Also, as with the first one, I felt the last third of the game started to dragged a bit. It took me 46 and a half hours to beat. I definitely took my sweet time, but it’s on the longer side when talking about RPG length from that era. On the bright side, the translation is entertaining as hell and there are plenty of fun NPCs to interact with. In addition, there’s the occasional side quest thrown into the mix to keep things relatively fresh, like building your own house. This was 20+ years before The Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild did it — in your face, Link! There are some truly memorable moments to witness such as Jubal’s sordid fate. I loved all the references to Paladin’s Quest, especially anything involving Midia. I had fun collecting all the various spells and building them up in strength. When you beat the game and finally save Andel, you’re treated to a nice long 15 minute ending. You travel the world of Andel to catch up with several characters you’ve met along the way. These interactions run the gamut, ranging from silly and amusing to thought-provoking and poignant. It’s easily one of the best endings I’ve ever seen in a Super Nintendo game. Lennus II is a fun, simple and quirky RPG that does most things competently but not any one thing really well. If you’re an RPG buff (especially of the 16-bit era), Lennus II is worthy of a playthrough.

Graphics: 7.5
Sound: 7.5
Gameplay: 7.5
Longevity: 7.5

Overall: 7.5
Bronze Award

Love the game's unique style — Nope, definitely not a cult or anything…

Lennus II is full of religious overtones. Also expect the following: big ugly bosses, magic spells galore, sacrifices, deceit, exploitation and dear old friends, among others. Not to mention the brilliant feature of being able to save your game at ANY point at ANY time. This means you won’t need to locate a blasted inn or statue to save. You can even save anywhere inside a dungeon for goodness sake! You’re in control of how long you play rather than being “held hostage” to locate the next save point. The save anywhere anytime system will spoil your ass as much as it will make you wish every other RPG did it too. In an ever increasing world of adult duties and less time to game, it’s really cool because you can play Lennus II in small 15 minute chunks each night before going to bed. So strap on your healing boots and explore the bizarre dystopian world of Andel… if you dare.

Now THAT'S the good life! :D — Now **THAT’S** the good life!

Paladin’s Quest (SNES)

**Pub: Enix | Dev: Copya Systems | October 1993 | 12 MEGS**

Known in Japan as Lennus: Kodai Kikai no Kioku (subtitle translated to Memories of an Ancient Machine), Lennus was first released in the Land of the Rising Sun on November 13, 1992. It was one of the earliest RPGs on the SNES. Nearly a year later, Enix picked it up for distribution throughout North America in November of 1993. The title was changed to Paladin’s Quest. This is, at the very least, a rather quirky and interesting game. While never thought of as one of the Super Nintendo’s finest, Paladin’s Quest isn’t without some merit if you can overlook some of its flaws. Truth be told, I didn’t give a damn about the RPG genre as a kid. However, I was always fascinated by the lesser touted titles. I remember seeing the ad for Paladin’s Quest during the holiday season of 1993 and being semi-curious about it despite the fact that I didn’t care for RPGs back then.

My taste in gaming thankfully matured over the years as the RPG genre became one of my favorites. One of the best things about this hobby as an adult is the ability to quell longstanding childhood curiosities. Five years ago in 2013, that’s exactly what happened for me with Paladin’s Quest.

PARTY LIKE IT’S 1994

Best part of this might be the SUPNES abbreviation! — Best part of this might be the **SUPNES** abbreviation!

I first bought Paladin’s Quest (cart only) on February 13, 2006. I bought a second copy complete in box with instruction manual and map charts in 2010. It was cheap enough ($22.48) and I was trying to complete my boxed SNES collection. What a lovely surprise when I realized the game was being passed down to me from its original owner, receipt and all! So many thoughts raced through my mind as the receipt fell out of the box upon arrival. He bought it right after lunch on January 1, 1994. Paladin’s Quest was released about three months prior. Did he want it for Christmas? Did he have to save up in order to buy it? Did his parents buy it for him? How old was he? In my head I picture a hardcore RPG nut power walking to Babbage’s after eating a Big Mac combo meal at the food court, determined to purchase Paladin’s Quest on the first day of the new year. On second thought, he probably didn’t eat at McDonald’s. Look at him busting out a crisp Benjamin Franklin on the spot like a big baller. Yup, he definitely had Black Angus for lunch.

One of the coolest things about RPGs back then was that many came packaged with all sorts of neat maps and charts. Paladin’s Quest had some nifty ones as you can see here.

Sure there were many palette swaps but it was still an impressive roster of monsters.

Some of the abbreviations were annoying but having this chart certainly helped.

He paid $67.59 in 1994 and I paid $22.48 in 2010. A differential of $45.11. Such is the life and fate of old video games.

PALADIN’S QUEST BEGINS

The game opens up with a little peer pressure

Our hero succumbs to pressure and chaos ensues

Be ready for loads of cut off letters and abbreviations

Paladin's Quest is extremely methodical to a fault — *Paladin’s Quest* is extremely methodical to a fault

Battles with six or more bad guys can get a little drawn out to say the least. You’ll need a healthy dose of patience to plow through this game.

The battle menu is pretty cool. Select commands simply by pressing the D-Pad.

Let’s say you click on weapon. This opens up a variety of options, from attacking to healing. Theoretically, you could play with one hand. The other hand you can use to… well, nevermind.

The good duke, er… Duke, follows you up the Tower of Gabnid. If only you knew beforehand what you’re about to discover…

Truth or Dare, a supernatural horror movie, hits movie theatres next month (April 2018). As you can surmise from the title, it’s about lies and dares that go terribly wrong. You ever had a dare go REALLY wrong before? Well, our hero is about to experience just that!

You just activated DAL GREN: Destroyer of Worlds. Good job, Steve.

There’s nothing you can do as Dal Gren automatically punishes you.

Despair. Destruction. Desolation. Doomed. Damn — Despair. Destruction. Desolation. **Doomed**. ***DAMN***

One little dare gone wrong and you’re partially responsible for having wiped out your own land. Talk about a rough day.

Sad but true. The hero moves at a snail-like pace with no run option in sight. It’s enough to possibly turn away potential players for good. I wasn’t kidding when I called Paladin’s Quest a more methodical RPG than the norm.

See that liquor bottle sign there? That signals the local tavern. It is here that you can recruit mercenaries for hire. There are many different mercenaries as you traverse the game. Upgrading and managing your allies is part of the key to success. Keep in mind that some allies are not always what they seem…

Look up their stats and abilities prior to plopping down the cash. Choose and manage your allies wisely. Thankfully, you can freely swap them out as you please. Well, most of them anyhow…

It’s standard RPG fare. You know what you’re getting. Despite Paladin’s Quest being slow as hell, it has its moments too.

What did I say about feeding 'em after midnight? — What did I say about feeding them after midnight?!

Ah, Gremlins. Loved that movie back in the ’80s. There’s three of them here but they’re not too difficult. Dispose of them quickly and leave before the house burns to a crisp.

“Hey, how about we crash this place?”

“Looks like a shady part of town to me…”

*GROWL*

“Did you hear that?! That wasn’t my stomach…”

“Don’t be such a pussy cat! Let’s set up camp here.”

“I guess beggars can’t be choosers but… f*ck my life.”

With fairly being the operative word here. Random enemy encounters. They play such a notable role, pardon the pun, in role playing games. Have too many battles and you risk suffocating the player. Have too few and the player waltz through. In the case of Paladin’s Quest, the random enemy encounter varies greatly. Sometimes it feels like you can walk a decent distance without a random battle. But other times it seems like you can’t take four steps without a group of enemies attacking you. This can make collecting “way out there” items a pain in the ass.

Alornso is no cake walk. You’ll need to make every battle turn count, especially since your party is sitting at only two members up to this point.

Be sure to develop your hero’s spells. Unlike most other RPGs where leveling up means your magic ability increases, here in Paladin’s Quest you can only level up your spells BY USING THEM. There is no MP count. Using spells takes points away from your HP. It may feel funky at first but to me at least it soon became second nature.

Everyone's a critic — Everyone’s a critic

Gotta love that Midia. She’s the type to go to the ends of the earth for ya.

Paladin’s Quest possesses a certain weird quirky atmosphere, thanks in no small part to its abundant strange looking towns and villages. Although the visuals are somewhat lackluster, the creativity behind them isn’t completely lost. The pastel-like colors has a way of transporting you into a fascinatingly odd world that’s reminiscent of a bizarre nightmarish dream after eating a leftover five-layered burrito a few days past its expiration date.

It’s always a thrill clicking on shelves and cabinets and then hearing the sound effect that plays whenever an item is discovered. Love that feeling (and sound)!

The added points are random. It’s always nice when you come out on the higher end like Steve does here, adding four points to his total.

I hope you're not afraid of heights... — I hope you’re not afraid of heights…

Ominous unsettling scenes are the order of the day

What, me, cynical? Never... — What, me, cynical? Never…

The most annoying and infuriating part. GAH! — The most annoying and infuriating part. ***GAH!***

This must have drove everyone who played this game back in the ’90s crazy. Nowadays we have YouTube to show us the way. Some may call it “cheating” but just try solving this for 10 minutes before you too inevitably say “Man, f*ck this shit.” Some puzzles just aren’t worth the pain of trying to figure out on your own. Life is too short. When you get to this part, just remember my words…

THE SEQUEL TO PALADIN’S QUEST: LENNUS II

Did you know that Paladin’s Quest saw a sequel on the SNES? It only came out in Japan, though. Lennus II was released on July 26, 1996. Thanks to the efforts of hardcore translators, those who can’t read Japanese can now enjoy and play through “lost games” such as Lennus II. I went through Lennus II after beating Paladin’s Quest, and I’m happy to say that it improves upon the original in pretty much every way. It’s no Chrono Trigger but hey, what is? RPG lovers will enjoy Lennus II. It even makes several references back to the first game. For example, take a look at the picture above that mentions Midia. It isn’t necessary to beat Paladin’s Quest first but it helps since that will give you the complete backstory. However, some may find Paladin’s Quest too off-putting, so you might want to skip straight to Lennus II if that’s the case. Lennus II won’t rock your world but it’s not a bad way to spend a couple weeks with.

WHAT THE CRITICS SAID

I’ve always been a fan of the box art which does a stellar job of conveying a magical adventure in the making. Unfortunately, the game itself isn’t quite so magical. And the critics of the time agreed. The game received mostly middling scores. EGM gave it ratings of 5, 6, 6, 8 and 8. Super Play rated it 62%. GameFan completely overlooked it, which suggests that they didn’t think much of it. Otherwise, they would have been thrilled to promote and champion Paladin’s Quest. You know it’s a bad sign when GameFan (who handed out high scores like they were free condiments going out of style) completely ignores covering a game back in those days.

... is for diehard SNES RPG warriors only — … is for diehard SNES RPG warriors only

Not only does it have a cool cover but it also has one of the best looking SNES title plates you’ll ever see. Well, at least it has that going for it, eh?

CLOSING THOUGHTS

The SNES is blessed with an amazing library. In particular, the RPG genre is well represented. Some of the very best of all time resides on the Super Nintendo. As someone who fell in love with the genre moreso as a young adult, I’m experiencing gaming redemption left and right. Playing through the likes of Secret of Mana 2, Tales of Phantasia, Terranigma and Treasure Hunter G has been an absolute blast. I’ve been on a quest since 2006 to play through all of the Super Nintendo RPGs that I own. Paladin’s Quest is one that has always intrigued me, even back in 1993 when I didn’t care for the genre. Its off-the-beaten path vibe and unique art style made me hopeful that it might turn out to be something of a sleeper hit. After investing over 30 hours during the span of three and a half weeks, I can safely say that Paladin’s Quest resides somewhere in the middle of the SNES RPG pack. It’s by no means great but it’s not without some merit, either.

Let’s start with the good. The first thing that jumps out is no doubt the pastel-like visuals. It’s not for everyone but I personally dug it. It helps to give the game a rather distinct style. There aren’t many RPGs with the kind of look that Paladin’s Quest employs. Secondly, there’s the unique mercenary system where you can recruit allies to aid you in battle. It gives the game some strategy and even serves as sort of an in-game difficulty buffer. Looking for a tougher challenge? Then pay off the weaker fighters to join your crew. Looking for the least path of resistance? Then select the most ruthless and powerful assassins. Variety is the spice of life. It’s a double-edged sword, though. Because you can add to and subtract your party members as you go, there’s never much of a cohesive “team story” here as you’d see in most other RPGs, but having fresh characters come and go keeps you on your toes.

However, the story does mainly circulate around Chezni (or Steve or whatever name you decide to give the main hero). Therefore, I never felt robbed of a team story as this is Chezni’s quest. The back of the box spells it out for you pretty clearly so at least there is no false advertising. Besides, there are hundreds of RPGs that follow the traditional typecasting of RPG party members. So at the very least, Paladin’s Quest offers something a little different with its notable mercenary system. Yes, the mercenaries are underdeveloped and thus come off feeling a little soulless, but if you really think about it, that’s a mercenary to a tee. It’s all just a matter of perspective!

Now that the positives have been highlighted, let’s look at the negatives. Chezni moves like he just shitted in his pants. With no run option to offset this, this is a very slow moving RPG. To further accentuate that, battles tend to drag especially when dealing with up to eight (!) enemies at a time. Bosses are disappointingly weak. Random enemy encounters can linger on unbearable at times. The battle system is a bit awkwardly constructed. There are some pretty good tracks but the music isn’t all that memorable. What you’re left with then is a decent RPG. Paladin’s Quest does have its share of ardent fans so who knows, you might end up being in that camp. But for me, it was just alright. The first half was definitely the most enjoyable while the second half began to drag a bit too much. There’s groundwork for a solid RPG here but the execution left something to be desired. Paladin’s Quest isn’t unplayable but you can certainly find better ways to spend 25-30 hours on your SNES than this. The Super Famicom only sequel, Lennus II, is a far better and more satisfying effort. Try that one if you can!

Graphics: 6
Sound: 7
Gameplay: 6
Longevity: 6

Overall: 6.0

Shout out to Brock and Repros for the love! — Shout out to Brock Landers and repros4lyfe for the love!

While transferring over my Paladin’s Quest review from my original website to this WordPress, I found out literally yesterday that I was given some love on the SNES Reddit when a guy posted asking about Paladin’s Quest on October 30, 2016. Brock Landers gave my site, RVGFanatic, a personal recommendation. Pretty cool stumbling across this yesterday while fixing up my original review and doing some additional research. Didn’t expect to see that Reddit post but it totally made my day. Thanks guys!

Ahhhhh yes… this classic bit of dialogue. @ repros4lyfe, those two text boxes are some of my favorites from the game too!

Super Bomberman 2 (SNES)

**Pub: Hudson | Dev: Produce | September 1994 | 8 MEGS**

Super Bomberman was one of the big SNES hits of 1993. Its 4-player free-for-all mode made it THE party game of its generation. To no one’s surprise, Hudson Soft released a sequel exactly one year later. In theory, sequels are supposed to capitalize on the success of its predecessor. It should be more fun, more polished, bigger and better. The good thing about the Bomberman games is that for the most part, there’s almost no such thing as a bad Bomberman game, especially when you’re talking about pre-N64 entries. After all, it’s hard to screw up the classic formula of four friends duking it out for bombing supremacy. It’s kind of like pizza — even a mediocre pie is more than edible and it’s even better when enjoyed with a couple friends. So it’s not a question of if Super Bomberman 2 is any good but rather is it better than the classic original? Let’s see…

BOOM GOES THE DYNAMITE

Super Bomberman was considered by many as the ultimate party game back in the day. The sequel had a lot to live up to.

The Normal Mode now scrolls multiple screens as opposed to the first game’s single screen affair. However, in a head-scratching decision, the 2-player co-op option was mysteriously dropped.

But as we all know, most people don’t play Bomberman for the Normal Mode. No, people play for the Battle Mode! Add three friends to the mix and a good time is sure to be had by all.

Brand new to the sequel is the tag team mode. This is especially handy for when you have two skilled players and two casual players. It’s also good for when it’s just you and the girlfriend or wife. My girlfriend and I enjoy this mode as it allows us to play co-op against two computer opponents ~~rather than me always kicking her butt.~~

Speaking of new, each of the Bombermen now have their own colored bombs. Now you’ll always know exactly who killed you. This allows for vows of vengeance and clear cut rivalries to develop. It’s a nice touch.

ICONS GALORE

Some icons have been added.

Another look…

And here’s a more in-depth look.

The Power Glove works a little differently from the Boxing Glove. In the first game, you could only punch bombs. But now you can carry bombs and toss them as you please. I like the Power Glove’s added versatility.

Ah, the classic good old skates. My girlfriend thought it was a car at first.

WHEEL OF FORTUNE

New to this sequel is the G-Bomber option. When activated, the winner plays roulette at the end of a match. Whichever item procured is then granted to the winner for the next match. Not all items are beneficial. The Geta (Japanese sandals) will slow you down big time. The winner also adopts a golden hue. This makes the reigning champion an easy target as temporary alliances are quick to form!

BATTLE ZONES

It’s not a proper Bomberman game without the classic basic stage. Battle Zone 1 ensures a pure and fair fight. The gimmicks start rolling with Battle Zone 2 where players struggle to maintain their footing as they slide all over the slippery ice. Hitch a ride through one of the underground tunnels to escape the heat of battle… but beware that you don’t land right in the middle of an explosion!

Battle Zone 3 is unique because it’s the one stage where you can actually push the competition. Normally you can just pass through one another like you’re ghosts. But not so here. It’s fun because you can impede your opponent’s progress and set them up for an explosive finish. This stage in particular is best experienced in the tag team mode. Hell, there are even four different exit points thrown in for good measure. Battle Zone 4 has a neat gimmick where explosions touching the belt causes the entire belt to ignite. You definitely don’t want to be standing there when it does!

What would a Bomberman game be without some sort of tunnel stage? Super Bomberman has one of my favorite tunnel stages in the franchise. Unfortunately, I can’t say the same for Super Bomberman 2. The roofs occasionally pop open to reveal the playing area. I’m not a fan of that. To me that just kind of ruins the whole gimmick. I’m also not a fan of the aesthetic of Battle Zone 5. It looks rather drab especially when compared to the first game’s classic colorful pipes and blue blocks.

Battle Zone 6 contains four warp points. It’s a decent map but not one of my favorites. Battle Zone 7 incorporates a speed (or lack thereof) gimmick.

Much like the tunnel stage, it wouldn’t be a proper Bomberman title without some sort of conveyor belt and arrow gimmick. Bombs laid on the conveyor belt in Battle Zone 8 bob along until they explode. The arrows in Battle Zone 9 dictate the direction in which kicked bombs travel.

A peculiar stage, this one. Mushrooms are only temporarily destroyed before resurrecting. You can also freely hop around, which is exclusive to Battle Zone 10. Be careful you don’t land on a flame!

There are two secret stages in this game. The first is a wrestling ring where players are pretty much maxed out from the start. Bounce off the ropes for two seconds of invulnerability.

Use the trampolines but beware of the land mines!

WHAT THE CRITICS SAID

GameFan gave it ratings of 72, 76 and 78%. It should be noted that these ratings were based during a funky period where GameFan switched its rating system from 100 points total to 50 instead, and rather than giving the game an overall score, they simply tallied up the scores in their five categories (graphics, music, control, play mechanics and originality). Well, a game like this won’t (and didn’t) score well in graphics so that hurt its final score. The ratings look low but I know if GameFan had done their original style of rating games, Super Bomberman 2 would easily have scored in the 90s.

GameFan's crappy new ratings system — GameFan’s crappy new ratings system

Sometimes a game’s whole is greater than the sum of the parts. Super Bomberman 2 is a shining example of this but such a ratings scale as above will not reflect that properly.

Thank God they went back to this a few months later — Gotta love this rating style as well as *Demon’s Crest*

There’s an old saying that rings true in this case: if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it. GameFan’s old ratings system was based on a 100 point scale. The final score was based on the reviewer’s overall opinion rather than simply tallying up the total in the five rated categories. While their reviews were never known for a large amount of text, at least there was some meat on the bones.

Ugh — This, on the other hand, had no meat

I hated this new ratings system and was happy they killed it after two issues. EGM had the 10 point rating scale and GameFan had the 100 point scale. It was perfect that way. The 50 scale and adding up the individual scores was downright lazy and not indicative of a game’s true ranking. There’s also hardly any text to describe why a game received the score that it did.

Super Play rated it 91% and ranked it #49 on their Top 100 Best SNES Games list. For the record, they listed Super Bomberman 3 at #39 and the original Super Bomberman #22.

CLOSING THOUGHTS

Super Bomberman 2 is a worthy sequel indeed. Although I enjoy its predecessor that much more, I do have some fond memories with this one (albeit not as much as I have with the first game). My fondest memory dates back to Christmas of 2010. My cousins from Texas flew over for the holidays and I busted out my newly bought PowerPak. That night my cousins and I played Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles IV: Turtles in Time and Super Bomberman 2 like there was no tomorrow. It was a really good time and playing those old games with my family brought back a lot of nostalgic memories of playing those two games way back in the day. Good times.

I like that the sequel introduced colored flames to let you know who killed you. This always made the following round that much more intense when you know without a shadow of a doubt who got you. The tag team mode is a solid added feature as it brings about a different dynamic. The Boxing Glove is now the Power Glove, which allows you to hold and carry bombs (much improved upon the old punching one). Hell, they even improved the story mode — it now features a scrolling screen rather than a single screen. Although sadly, they now made that mode a one player affair. However, it’s all about the Battle Zones. There are some quality maps here but some of that magic from the first game is missing a bit here. It’s still a great game and a whole lot of fun but it’s just not as charming or fun to play as the first game was. I prefer the Battle Zones and atmosphere of the original. So while there are notable improvements made in a few areas, there’s just something about that IT factor that Super Bomberman possessed in spades that Super Bomberman 2 doesn’t have as much of. Still one hell of a sequel though and a game I won’t ever turn down to play with three other friends.

Graphics: 7
Sound: 7
Gameplay: 9
Longevity: 9

Overall: 9.0
Gold Award

Super Bomberman (SNES)

***Pub: Hudson Soft | Dev: Produce | September 1993 | 4 MEGS***

One of my favorite Super Nintendo games of all time is Super Bomberman. It’s been nearly 25 years since it came out. Hard to believe it was almost a quarter of a century ago that my friends and I would lock ourselves in a room to play this game on countless Saturday nights in Sacramento. GAWD DAMN. Super Bomberman was a revolutionary title. It was the first 4-player SNES game I can remember playing. Super Bomberman in my eyes at least forever changed the landscape of multiplayer gaming. Speaking of which, here’s a cheap plug to an article I wrote about notable SNES party games…

A BLAST FROM THE PAST

Growing up, I was lucky enough to have a local best friend, Nelson, in addition to having a tight-knit band of brothers and sisters who lived two hours away. The birth of this connection all started during the Vietnam War. That’s where our dads met on the battlefield. Thankfully, they all survived and then continued their bond post-war. They each went on to marry, start a family and they stayed in touch through it all. Our countless family friend sleepovers during the late ’80s to mid ’90s were legendary. Staying up until 2 AM, the adults would be downstairs laughing up a storm — dancing the night away, singing cheesy karaoke songs and reminiscing about the good old days. Meanwhile, upstairs, a group of young boys and girls were busy hanging out, filming silly home videos, playing Nerf wars and playing video games galore. Those were easily some of the greatest times of my childhood. So many epic sleepovers and events that took place whenever my Gaming Crew got together. A memoir devoted to those special times is long overdue and something I’ve been meaning to do for over a decade now. I loved my out-of-town Gaming Crew. It’s impossible for me to think about my childhood without those guys and gals coming to mind. Good times.

My Gaming Crew and I loved playing the SNES

If I could somehow travel in time back to any random Saturday night in 1993 or ’94, chances are, I’d find myself playing Super Bomberman with my Gaming Crew. We spent much of those two years bombing Saturday night away. The winner would play on while the three losers would switch off. It was some of the most fun I’ve ever had gaming. Even to this day, once in a blue moon I still reminisce back to those days with a real deep fondness. Times were simpler and more innocent back then for sure!

No feeling was sweeter than decimating your friends… unless you happen to kill two at the same time. This leads to major trash talk as well as those two victims ganging up on you for the next round. Is it worth it? You damn bet your ass it is!

BOMBS AWAY!

Super Bomberman came packaged with a new multitap adapter. This allowed up to four players to play and paved the way for home console multiplayer gaming. It’s just you, three friends, four tangled controllers and some soon-to-be-severely bruised egos. Whether you form temporary alliances to gang up on another player or you play it every man for himself, a good time is sure to be had for all.

Oh and here’s an alternative art style of the box. Shame we didn’t get this cool looking anime-like box in North America, eh? We got the stubby chunky looking Bombermen instead. I want my Bombermen with Super Deformed heads! Ahem…

ICONS OF DESTRUCTION

Here are just some of the icons you can pick up. My favorites being the boxing glove and the kicking one. Punching a bomb from one side to the other is a riot. And not all icons were good by the way. Look no further than the poison skull! My friend used to call it AIDS, since you could pass your disease on to others simply by touching them. One of my favorite memories was how he would get poisoned on purpose and then run around the field trying to tag everyone while screaming “AIDS!”

Each battle zone contains different icons. For example, in this stage you can collect the icon that increases your blast radius to cover the entire length of the field.

With this icon, set a bomb down and you can detonate it at any time. Otherwise, you have to wait the usual three or so seconds it takes for a bomb to explode. You can leave a bomb lying there for 20 seconds even, and then BANG! at the right moment. Or detonate it one second after dropping a bomb. (Just make sure you get out of the way first). It’s a game changer!

NORMAL MODE

Look at this creepy ol thing! — Look at this creepy ol’ thing!

Thats not disturbing at all... — That’s not disturbing at all…

BATTLE MODE

This was the ultimate party game experience back in 93 — It was the *ultimate party game experience* back in 1993

Adjust from four human players to even four computer players if you so wish. You can even sideline two of the bombers and make it a strictly 1-on-1 affair. Difficulty level of computer opponents can be adjusted from 1 to 10. Even if you have no one around to play with, you can still blow up three computer opponents to smithereens. Good stuff.

BATTLE ZONE ONE

Classic basic stage. Each player starts off on the side. Blow up blocks in hopes of unearthing goodies to increase your chances of survival. It’s the ultimate single screen kill-or-be-killed party game! I like how this stage layout prevents those lame “I lost because of X gimmick” excuses.

Remember collecting post-match icons in slow mo?

In the final minute of each round, blocks start falling from the sky until it encloses the remaining players in a very tight space. Nothing matches the thrill of being the last (bomber)man standing and the taunting that ensues over the course of the next 10 or so seconds.

BATTLE ZONE TWO

This isn’t called the Western Battle Zone for no reason! Things start out hot and wild as all four players are dumped right smack in the middle as the opening bell rings. Be careful or you could embarrass yourself right off the bat like the black bomberman does here. You’ll never hear the end of it if you mess up like such…

What makes this stage so intriguing is how intense it is. Four player Bomberman is intense enough bu you usually start out the first 20 or so seconds fairly safe on your own “island.” Not the case here! This is where quick thinking and deft movement makes the difference between glory and agony.

Whenever a bomber bites the dust, any icons he has secured during his time of play will be randomly strewn across the map. Grabbing as many as you can may very well decide the final outcome of that round. Be ready!

BATTLE ZONE THREE

Be careful not to stand near one of the dead ends, or it just may become one.

Blue bomber will hate my guts in 3, 2, 1... — Blue bomber will hate my guts in 3, 2, 1…

All’s fair in love and Bomberman. It’s a blast, pardon the pun, to lie in the wings and then go pick someone off who isn’t paying attention to the finer details…

BATTLE ZONE FOUR

The Jump Zone has trampolines that send you skyward and landing God knows where. I find the trampolines to be detrimental because they put you in harm’s way more than they benefit you. Get too cute here and it could come back to haunt you.

BATTLE ZONE FIVE

Wow, that was easy! — Wow, that was easy

The conveyor belt slows down bombers who walk on them the opposite way. The conveyor belt also transports bombs until detonation. Strategy is varied as you can do lots of different things, which makes the Belt Zone one of my personal favorites.

BATTLE ZONE SIX

Still one of my favorite maps of all time to this day

The epic classic Tunnel Zone. Nearly 25 years ago this was the stage we most often waged war on. Not only did it have the best look of all 12 stages but it consistently produced the most intense Bomberman battles, time in and time out.

Now thats a B-Movie title in the making! — Now that’s a B-Movie title in the making!

THIS STAGE. Such good memories. Our choice map probably 20% of the time, the amount of chaos and confusion it created was off the chain. The various pipes made bombing that much more intense. Lots of devious and cunning shenanigans were at play whenever we battled on this map.

Bomberman is a great test of your hand-eye coordination. Your multi-tasking skills are put to the test as you scan the entire playing field at all times. Add to this formula a bunch of vision obstructing pipes and suddenly you have Bomberman on steroids.

BATTLE ZONE SEVEN

The Duel Zone is another one of my favorites. Everyone starts out scrunched in the middle. Avoid death early on and then it’s a mad rush to see who can grab the most icons first. The one who does usually wins.

BATTLE ZONE EIGHT

The Flower Zone has always been a bit meh to me. My Gaming Crew also didn’t care much for it either back in the day.

BATTLE ZONE NINE

The Light Zone produced the most excuses. Two spotlights illuminate the playing field. It’s very difficult to keep track of where all the bombs are laid. It’s a very gimmicky map that I never much cared for.

Red thinks he's safe — Red thinks he’s safe

BATTLE ZONE TEN

It sure is. No stinking blocks to blow up here. No icons to collect. Because everyone starts out powered up to the max. Instant chaos!

BATTLE ZONE ELEVEN

Warp exits transport you randomly from one hole to the next but you never know exactly where your end destination may be, or if you’ll pop up in the middle of a blast. It’s best to avoid using them unless you have no other choice.

BATTLE ZONE TWELVE

Remember how back in the day some fighting games had codes for increased game speed? You don’t need no stinking codes here — the Speed Zone puts everyone at max speed. The excuses are bound to come in fast and heavy.

VICTORY!

While there is an option to play against one, two or three computer opponents, you have to experience this with three friends. There’s nothing quite like the unpredictability of human players and the pure joy of sitting around a TV talking smack with your buddies. Super Bomberman took couch co-op to the next level!

A COOL “LITTLE” SECRET

This code added even more wrinkles to the game. It’s especially ideal for maps like Tunnel and Light Zone.

SEND IN THE CLONES!

Similar to Street Fighter II and Doom, it didn’t take long before Bomberman clones started infiltrating the market (at least in Japan anyway). Some were downright terrible while most were actually more than competent. The most disappointing one is Bakuto Dochers. I remember seeing it featured within the pages of EGM and wondering as a kid if it might be a hidden gem. I finally played it some 12 years later in 2006 and it freaking sucks. Can’t win them all

Super Tekkyu Fight! is the most different of the clones. There’s an energy bar and players attack with long ranged chain balls rather than dropping bombs. It’s certainly a unique take on the old Bomberman formula.

Spark World is the most blatant of the clones, although it does do a few things differently from Bomberman (two hit system for example). It’s still a fun alternative even if it’s very derivative.

Otoboke Ninja Colosseum is the best of the clones for my money. One of the best hidden gems on the system that barely anyone ever talks about.

NEVER ENDING SEQUELS

Super Bomberman 2 was released the following year in September of 1994. While that was the last release America saw, the series didn’t end there on the SNES. Super Bomberman 3 came out in Europe and Japan in 1995. Super Bomberman 4 and Super Bomberman 5 were both released exclusively in Japan (April 1996 and February 1997 respectively). The biggest difference between the first two games and the last three? A fifth bomber was added to the latter three sequels. Other new options include the mad bomber, new rosters (no longer were you relegated to selecting different colored Bombermen) and arguably the biggest change of all: animal friends known as Louies. Louies gave you a specialized power and an extra life. Each year Hudson Soft just kept cranking out new Bomberman sequels like they were Friday the 13th or Nightmare on Elm Street. Super Bomberman 5 is my favorite of the three. But given the choice to play any one of the five, I still prefer the classic original. Perhaps that’s my nostalgia goggles talking but I’m a firm believer that the first one just felt and played the best.

WHAT THE CRITICS SAID

Seemingly everyone loved the ever living hell out of Super Bomberman. It won EGM’s Game of the Month honors, earning scores of 9, 9, 9 and 9. GameFan gave it ratings of 70, 84, 90 and 90%. Super Play rated it 92%. In Super Play’s Top 100 Best SNES Games list, Super Bomberman ranked #23. Just about everyone agreed that it’s one of the best party games around, especially for its time. I have yet to meet one person who does not enjoy the four player mode with three friends in tow. It’s multi-player gaming at its finest. Sorry but I have to say it… this game’s DA BOMB.

CLOSING THOUGHTS

Super Bomberman is synonymous with the term party game. You could lock four friends in a room for 24 hours with only a Super Nintendo and a copy of this game and they would probably come out 24 hours later still pretty happy. Probably. It’s one of those brilliant simple games that anyone can pick up and enjoy. The concept is pure and timeless: drop some bombs, scurry around the corner, hope for the best, pick up icons, look for opportunities to trap the competition and gloat like hell when you do. For my money it’s the most fun single screen four player game ever made. Before the series became inundated with animal pals, mad bombers and such, there was Super Bomberman. By comparison it may look a little bare bones but oh did those bones have meat on them! I still prefer this game over any of the four SNES sequels, although Super Bomberman 5 is a close second.

My Gaming Crew and I poured so many hours into this game that the battle tune is forever embedded in my soul. I’ll never forget my friend’s infamous “L-Maneuver.” Dropping bombs in an L-formation, he would scurry away trash talking and hoping for the best. I can still hear his maniacal laugh and shouts of “L-Maneuver!” to this very day. So many late Saturday nights were spent in his room bombing the night away. There was something magical about it. It was a time in our lives where we were free to just be kids. Not a single worry about school or doing homework and chores. On those epic Saturday nights in Sacramento, all we concentrated on was being the last man standing. Playing for hours on end with losers switching off, those were some of the best gaming memories of my youth. Super Bomberman will always hold a special place in my gaming heart. While subsequent sequels added in mad bomber options, animal friends and even up to 10 players (Saturn Bomberman), I still prefer Super Bomberman by a hair. To me it had the most appealing battle zones, a purity that later sequels lost (I’m not a huge fan of the animal pals) and the nostalgia definitely does not hurt. Super Bomberman is a classic party game every Super Nintendo fan should have in their SNES collection.

Graphics: 7
Sound: 8
Gameplay: 10
Longevity: 10

Overall: 10

A classic quintessential party game that holds up well to this day. Its frenetic and fast-paced gameplay is video gaming magic personified. Super Bomberman is best experienced with three friends in tow. Easily one of the best 4-player games on the Super Nintendo!

"Damn, the black guy always has to die first eh?" — **“Damn, the black guy always has to die first, eh?”**

Bust-A-Move (SNES)

***Pub & Dev: Taito | March 1995 | 4 MEGS***

I love puzzle games. The good ones are fun, colorful, competitive and addicting as hell. I love how puzzle games appeals to even the most casual of gamers. There’s something about the genre that’s really satisfying and pure. And they’re the perfect type of games to introduce to your special lady friend for some quality couple gaming sessions. Lately, my girlfriend and I have been pouring hours into Tetris Attack, which I consider the best puzzle game on the SNES hands down. But there are plenty of worthy and honorable mentions. For example, look no further than Bust-A-Move. Known as Puzzle Bobble in Japan, Bust-A-Move is an offshoot of Taito’s 1986 arcade classic, Bubble Bobble. Taito struck gold once more as the Bust-A-Move series went on to become some of the most beloved and popular puzzle games of the ’90s.

LET’S START AT THE BEGINNING

Bust-A-Move originally came out in the arcades over 20 years ago in 1994. I didn’t have any memories of it until around 1996. It all started with my cousin Vivian. Growing up, she was the older sister I never had but always wanted. In late ’96, she embarked on a wild goose hunt to find a copy of PlayStation Bust-A-Move 2. I recall watching her walk a groove in her living room one late Fall afternoon as she called up one local gaming store after another. But no store carried this game and at the time we hadn’t yet been fully exposed to the power of the internet. She was never really a big gamer but Bust-A-Move 2 was her absolute favorite game. Somehow, it’s a memory that has stuck all these years later.

She eventually found a second hand copy later that year, and I recall all the crazy bubble bursting competitive fun we had that winter. It was a sentimental time for me as Christmas 1996 marked the last Christmas we spent at Vivian’s classic childhood home — they moved in 1997 so that Christmas proved to be the end of an era. Bust-A-Move 2 was such an excellent game with its simple bright colorful graphics and its mighty addicting bubble busting antics. It was the last time I remember gaming with Vivian, her brother Vince and my brother Kevin. We never really played another game after Bust-A-Move 2… not that I can recall. Good times they were. I can’t think of the Bust-A-Move series without thinking about those special times from a bygone era.

The ole neighborhood. Thanks for the memories

Coincidentally, my next memory of the Bust-A-Move series came nearly five years later. My gaming fandom came full circle in January of 2001…

I saw a Sega Saturn lying on the ground at my buddy’s house when I came over to study for a huge physics exam. Keep in mind that the PlayStation was all the rage back then and by 2001 the Saturn was a long afterthought.

“Hey, you’re the first person I know who has one too,” I said, pointing to his Saturn.

“Oh yeah? I didn’t know you had a Saturn, too. To be honest with you, I haven’t touched that thing in years.”

What’s this? I noticed Street Fighter Alpha 2 and Bust-A-Move 2 beside the system. Both games were looking real pretty in their big bulky American cases. Seeing all that triggered something deep inside of me that I thought was long dead. Suddenly I felt very excited about gaming again in a way I had not felt in some time.

“I still play my Saturn, but it’s been a while too,” I told my friend.

“If you want some of the games, go ahead. Take some. It’s cool.”

I nearly fell over. “Wow. But I can’t do that, man.”

“No, go for it. Really. I don’t play them anymore. Plus I never even bought any of them to begin with.”

“I can’t, really, but thanks…”

“You sure?”

“… I’ll just take these two,” I said quickly as the moment overtook me. I lured Street Fighter Alpha 2 and Bust-A-Move 2 out of the pile. I remember seeing BUG! but not caring enough about it. I just wanted some Street Fighter and BAM 2 action!

I found it difficult the rest of the study session to focus on atoms or Murphy’s Law, and who could blame me. The moment of truth arrived when I came home and fired the games up one by one. I cheered for every successful Dragon Punch, and I cringed for every “NO, I AIMED THE FREAKIN’ BUBBLE OVER THERE, NOT THERE!” moment. And it was freaking GLORIOUS.

Street Fighter Alpha 2 blew me away. It played so smoothly and had the right mix of style and substance. Playing Bust-A-Move 2 was like being back at an arcade hall, plopping a quarter into a simple but delightful puzzle game to tide me over until the line for the latest fighting game died down a bit. Ah, good times.

It was an amazing arcade-like experience I had that fine evening. I felt like I was right back in the arcades. It made me think about what other gems the Saturn has to offer. As they say, the rest is history.

HOW TO PLAY

Anyone can play this! — *Anyone* can play it!

Link 3 or more together — Link up 3 or more

MEET OUR HEROES

MODES OF PLAY

There are four different ways to play. You have the single player quest where you’re given 100 levels of set bubbles. It’s your job to burst them all before the ceiling comes crashing down on ya. In this mode there are three special kind of bubbles, in addition to the eight normal different colored bubbles. Bubble Bobble fans will find these special bubbles familiar…

It converts others... — It converts others…

... to the same color — … to the same color

This mode offers 100 levels of mayhem. A password is given when you lose all of your 7 continues. It’s always fun to see what the next stage might bring. Some of the designs are rather creative. Take this octopus stage for example!

How far can you go before losing all your continues? It starts out easy but quickly becomes a house of horrors. The password feature is a huge help since it lets you finish the game at your own pace.

Next up we have the Challenge Mode. Play on a single screen until you bust. The total amount of bubbles you burst is tracked. This is a simple and nice little mode when you’re in that endurance mood.

Next up is the VS. CPU mode. Perfect for when you want some competition but no one is around to play with.

But the best mode is 2 player versus. It’s super competitive and has that “just one more match” magic. This can suck hours from your life. It’s so cute and fun that anyone can play this and have a good time, even the most casual of gamers.

You damn right it is

AGONY AND TRIUMPH

Part of the agony of Bust-A-Move is the ill-aimed bubble. You’ll try to squeeze it through but ultimately to no avail. It doesn’t get any more frustrating than that. One misplaced bubble can change the tide of battle. For example, I just missed connecting with the four yellow bubbles there.

... bubbles off the wall — … bubbles off the wall

WHAT THE CRITICS SAID

Bust-A-Move was well received. EGM gave it scores of 7, 7, 8 and 9. Super Play Magazine rated it 84% and ranked it as the 48th best SNES game back in their April 1996 issue. Speaking of Top 100 lists, Nintendo Power ranked it as the 96th best game in their 100th issue. While the ad obviously uses hyperbole to market the game, Bust-A-Move is nothing short of being highly competitive and addicting. It’s kind of a shame that I rarely see this game being talked about much even in SNES circles, but I guess that’s because most people would rather play one of the later renditions. But that doesn’t change the fact that the original is still a winner.

CLOSING THOUGHTS

Bust-A-Move is one of those rare games that I can pick up and play at any time. I can go at it solo for 20 minutes or battle a buddy for 2 hours. Aiming the bubbles to align correctly is crazy addictive and it’s awesome when you get locked in the zone. Some people feel the gameplay involves too much luck for their own liking, especially with the wall shots, but there’s definitely a need for skill. There’s more luck involved here than a puzzle game such as Puyo Puyo but that’s part of what makes it different and unique. No matter how good you get, you can always misfire a bubble and lose by the smallest margin of error. It keeps the matches exciting and unpredictable.

While this admittedly isn’t the best rendition of the series you could play, it’s still pretty awesome. I enjoy the Sega Saturn sequel even more, but this game certainly has a place in my SNES library. It has that classic “one more game” quality to it. Few games can match the intensity that Bust-A-Move provides. This is the type of game that will never go out of style and will always entertain. Thank you, Taito, for giving SNES owners a small taste of bubble busting glory.

Graphics: 6
Sound: 6
Gameplay: 9
Longevity: 9

Overall: 9.0
Gold Award

"SEE YOU NEXT GAME!" — ***“SEE YOU NEXT GAME!”***

Tetris Attack (SNES)

**Pub: Nintendo | Dev: Intelligent Systems | August 1996 | 8 MEGS**

Tetris, released in the summer of 1984, is the most classic puzzle game ever created. Hell, EGM deemed it the best video game of all time (issue #100, November 1997). More than a decade later, Tetris Attack redefined the puzzle genre. Originally released on October 27, 1995 in Japan as Panel de Pon, the game received a Yoshi’s Island makeover for its North American localization in the summer of 1996. It was also granted the Tetris name to further increase its appeal, even though technically it has nothing to do with the Tetris formula. Regardless, Tetris Attack effortlessly worked its way into our hearts and stands as arguably the greatest 16-bit puzzle game of all time.

ATTACK OF THE FLEA MARKET
-Saturday, February 4, 2006-

*beep*

*Beep*

*BEEP*

*BEEP! BEEP! BEEP!*

Staggering out of bed like Otis Campbell on a Saturday night, I shifted my way through the darkness to put an end to the madness. The thought of crawling back in bed was nearly as tempting as Jessica Alba herself. The idea, however, went quickly as it came.

After brushing my teeth and helping myself to a bowl of cereal, I found the dawn just breaking between two white buildings. The sky was mostly gray but a streak of white stretched itself from the end of a flagpole. By the time I finished breakfast, the sky was lighter than it had been when I woke up — the streak of gray broadening into a patch of brilliant day.

I was a man on a mission. Three weeks into my SNES rebirth (1.17.06), I was gearing to embark on my first flea market voyage since 2002. With a wish list the size of Rosie’s waistline and a wallet jammed full of dead presidents, I headed off into that cool early morning, the light February breeze brushing against my face. As I pulled into the parking lot something told me today was going to be a good day. Maybe even a great one. I gazed at the box office where I saw the growing crowd purchasing their tickets. Just think, I thought to myself… beyond that building there… lies a part of my childhood.

My first flea market haul 2.4.06) — My first flea market haul (2.4.06)

I remember the morning rather well; the smell of apricot in the air, the bustling crowds all jabbering for bargains, and at long last — the lady with the game stand parked over at the far end. I dove head first into the SNES bin like Rickey Henderson stealing third base. All her games were wrapped. I eagerly waded through each one, picking out Final Fight, Dino City, Battletoads in Battlemaniacs, Flashback and Tetris Attack.

What a FLASHBACK to my youth... — What a *FLASHBACK* to my youth…

Each of those games ran me $5 except for Tetris Attack. Some of these games I hadn’t played in 12, 15 years! There’s nothing quite like the rush of rediscovering games from your youth on a brisk, early Saturday morning. There’s just something awesome about it. It’s hard to look back on one’s early collecting days and not break out a nostalgic smile. It was the rush and the feeling of getting back into the fandom after so many years, acquiring games left and right… those are some sacred memories right there!

The vendor was a nice elderly lady in her 50’s. I showed her each game that I wanted as she sprouted off, “Five dollas, five dollas,” but she paused when Tetris Attack came up. Somehow, I knew she would.

There was no way in HELL I was getting Tetris Attack for a measly five bucks…

She grabbed the game from me and squinted long and hard at it. Oh boy, I thought to myself, here it comes. $20, maybe $25. Yup, Steve-O, you can kiss this bargain goodbye. She burned a hole through Tetris Attack before finally saying…

".... MMMM... seven dollas" — *“… MMMM… seven dollas OK?”*

I wanted to jump in the air and pump my fist. But I kept my cool and told the lady in a calm voice, “Sounds good.” All in all, it was $27 well spent! Crazy to think this happened just over 12 years ago now… (read more about my Flea Market Memoirs).

CHAIN GANG

As is the case with most puzzle games, the name of the game is chaining together combo hits to quickly derail the competition.

Don’t worry, there’s even a handy tutorial to acclimate new players.

Eliminate all 10 panels with one simple switch.

Switch the gray block over which drops the red heart. This leads to all 18 panels being cleared.

Combos are nice but chains are deadly. Check out this three hit chain reaction.

Recently I introduced a friend to Tetris Attack. We took time to view the combo tutorial. She kept saying, “Yeah right, like that shit ever happens.”

Speaking of improbable, skill chains are crazy. All this time and I have still yet to pull off one of these bad boys in actual versus competition.

GAME MODES

There’s plenty of 1-player modes to keep you busy even if you’re going at it solo. Let’s check out the VS. mode first.

Clearing four or more panels will drop a garbage block on your opponent’s screen.

Clearing three shock panels (the gray blocks with the white ! marks) drops a Shock Block on your opponent’s screen. Shock Blocks prevents any garbage blocks or other Shock Blocks on top of it from being cleared. Match four shock panels to send two Shock Blocks, match five shock panels to send three Shock Blocks and so forth.

Rather than being your typical falling piece puzzler, you move a cursor around the screen and switch pieces around. Part of the fun comes in clearing out one group and quickly yanking out another piece to cause another combo, as seen above. Tetris Attack favors the swift.

Computer opponent is almost done for. Apply the finishing touch by switching those two pieces there. Six piece combo!

Unfortunately there is no battery backed memory here. Just passwords. Yoshi liberates those that he beats.

Computer gets its revenge with a sick 3-hit chain attack, followed up by a 6-piece combo for good measure.

Dropping loads of garbage blocks is the name of the game. After you liberate the eight main characters, you face four bosses.

Hookbill the Koopa and Naval Piranha are the first two bosses you’ll face.

Magikoopa Kamek and Bowser are the final two.

OTHER MODES

There’s plenty of modes to pick from in the 1-player game. Puzzle Mode gives you a limited amount of moves to clear all the pieces.

Things start out easy but fools rushing in can easily get tripped up.

Another mode is Stage Clear. Clear all the panels above the special clear marker to beat the stage and move on. In addition to the VS. CPU mode, there’s also a Time Trial and Endless mode.

WHAT THE CRITICS SAID

Tetris Attack fared extremely well with the critics. It was widely beloved by most that played it. EGM gave it scores of 7.5, 8.0, 8.5 and 9.0. Super Play rated it 90%. Nintendo Power ranked it the 17th best game in their 100th issue. EGM placed it #16 on their own Top 100 list.

CLOSING THOUGHTS

It’s fitting I’m writing this on Valentines Day because I freaking love Tetris Attack. Its main appeal is that it’s competitive and fun as hell. It’s also very accessible — literally almost anyone can play it and enjoy it. The handicap options ensure that everyone has a fighting chance to win, especially with a little practice under their belt. Few things are as intense as a match that goes down to the wire with both screens about to hit critical mass. It’s just a shame that it was released so late into the Super Nintendo’s lifespan. Alas, the old cliché rings ever true: better late than never.

Whereas most puzzle games depend on random falling blocks and a fair bit of luck, Tetris Attack stands out by letting you move a cursor around to rearrange the blocks as you see fit, creating your own combos and chains. It’s easy to pick up and play but difficult to master — the mark of a truly terrific puzzle game. The visuals are simple but bright and pleasing to the eye. There are some catchy tunes as one might expect but ultimately it’s the addicting gameplay that is the main draw of the game. 20+ years and counting and Tetris Attack still finds itself frequently occupying the slot of my SNES. For my money, it’s the best puzzle game on the system and easily one of the Super Nintendo’s top 20 games. Very few games can you constantly play and not get sick of. Tetris Attack belongs in that elite fraternity.

Graphics: 8
Sound: 7
Gameplay: 9.5
Longevity: 10

Overall: 9.5