Steve | RVGFanatic

Remembering 9/11 and Coach Butler

15 years... wow. 15 years — 15 years… wow. 15 years

Today is 9/11. September 11, 2016. 16 years ago there was no significance to September 11. But that all changed 15 years ago when terrorists attacked the Twin Towers and changed American history forever. My heart and prayers go out to all the brave men and women who ever served or is currently serving our country. And to all the families who were affected by the 9/11 tragedy.

Below is a detailed experience of my weeks leading up to September 11, 2001, the day itself, and the day after. In short, it could be summed up by the following:

Some days you’ll always remember.

Some teachers you never forget.

PROLOGUE

2001 was a thrilling and pivotal year for me. The first half saw the final days of my high school career. Senior Prom, Picnic, Mosh Pit, Grad Night, Graduation, etc. Exciting times. Meanwhile, I was awaiting college with bated breath. The second half of 2001 I began my freshmen year at University, ecstatic to break away from the chains of my high school past, ready to turn the page and start a new chapter.

I’ll never forget freshmen year, but in particular, I’ll never forget that first semester.

One day changed that semester for the worse.

But one man changed it for the better.

TUESDAY, AUGUST 28, 2001

My brother Kevin is two years my senior. We carpooled, arriving on campus bright and early at 7:30. He showed me around — the buildings my classes were in, the library, and all the other ‘hot spots.’

The buzz in the air on campus that morning was incredibly palpable. To THIS day I can still feel it rattling in my bones. The frat boys were out in full force already scanning the masses for new recruits. A sea of humanity stretched on as far as the eye could see. The freshmen were easily discernible from the others. I was not the exception to the rule. We were fresh meat; wide-eyed newbies either anxious or eager, maybe both, to get the ball rolling.

My very first class was Beginning Acting 8:30 sharp. My four other classes were Beginning Basketball, Public Speaking, English and Math.

I loved all my classes, but one rose above the rest: Beginning Basketball. Mondays and Wednesdays 10:30 to 11:45.

WEDNESDAY, AUGUST 29, 2001

First day of basketball class I showed up 15 minutes early. Two guys were already chilling up in the bleachers, one of whom I hadn’t seen since junior high — 5+ years! Alex introduced me to his buddy Jon, and while Alex and I caught up on the past half decade of our lives, more bodies started filling the bleachers.

It wasn’t long before everyone was settled in, talking excitedly about getting our game on, about how we would take the other to school. Break ankles with the killer crossover. The tallest guy in the class joked about how he’d dunk on each of us before the semester was over. Michael Jordan, on the verge of his second NBA comeback, was also the talk of the town. We were simply a bunch of basketball-loving 18, 19 year old puppies. Other than two girls, it was a total sausage fest. Everyone was living the moment up, except for this mysterious guy off in the corner — hood draped over his head, ball in hand. You could tell ballin’ was his life. For some reason, it was an image that stuck.

Everyone was talking about what an easy class this would be. Oh how wrong were we…

Then, at 10:30 sharp, the double doors swung open violently. A tall, lanky fella-in-a-suit with a whistle wrapped around his neck, made his way to the center of the court. He walked with a hardened purpose and swagger, conveying the thought that this was one bad apple not to be messed with. Although most of us had piped down, a few guys were still yappin’.

The clamor was interrupted by a loud, sharp, sudden whistle sound that cut through the entire gymnasium. You could hear a pin drop as a thunderous silence fell over the entire gym.

He froze us with his icy stare, scanning each of us as if to make quick mental notes. His eyes looked like burning coals, darting from student to student like a thief running in the night. We sat there quietly anticipating his next course of action, like wounded animals astutely watching the voracious lion’s every move.

And his first proclamation came as swiftly as the whistle went.

I almost shot up out of my seat! Some were slow to get down, as if to play it cool. When we all finally congregated at the center of the basketball court, with us on one side, him on the other, I figured it must have looked like a scene out of a hoops film.

My imagination had already ran away, y’see.

That's what Coach Butler really said — That’s what Coach Butler really said

Alex shot me a glance as if to say, “Is this fool for real?”

None of us had any idea what we got ourselves into.

“So gentleman,” Coach paused in recognition of the two girls obscured in the crowd. “And ladies…”

He paused and waited. Those 10 seconds felt like 10 weeks. Coach had completely marked his territory. This guy was unlike any professor I’d ever had, ever.

Finally he glanced at his watch.

“10:35,” he announced. “Leave your bags here, the gym will be locked. Let’s take a little stroll outside.”

As he led the way, we quietly shuffled along. After that crazy speech, who knew what was in store for today, or the rest of the semester for that matter.

And on that chilly Wednesday morning, Coach ordered us to start running. Who does this guy think he is? But I knew better, so I kept my trap shut. But not Alex’s friend Jon, who had the nerve and gall to ask “For how long?”

5 minutes in, Coach had put his iron-clad stamp on the semester.

A few groans broke out as we reluctantly began a light jog. All around us students were walking to class, grabbing a bite to eat, or chilling on the benches by the trees. I initially felt like a victim. But then I came to realize, running around campus on just my second day of college, what a SURREAL experience this was. I always try to see the glass half-full, y’see. But my side started to ache not before long, and just as soon, my epiphany began to fade.

Finally, thankfully, mercifully, he whistled us in. We walked over, many of us panting and gasping for air. “I see it’s gonna be a long semester,” Coach said despondingly. “Get used to this. We’re gonna run run run RUN RUN. And then we’re gonna… by God, run some more! Alright, everyone back to the gym!”

Back inside, he passed out the course sheets. “In your hands you now hold the ten commandments of Beginning Basketball. If you cannot meet these standards, I suggest you drop my course pronto. Starting Monday, the REAL class begins. You thought today was tough?” He shook his head. “Get some rest, boys and girls.”

And just like that, he walked out of the gym. POOF.

We were left stranded, holding his “contract” in a state of both exhaustion and trepidation. And that’s when the quote of the year was uttered by the tallest player in the class:

I laughed. And then thought to myself: “Yeah, and we’re the Brown Shirts.”

Suddenly, I was no longer laughing.

MONDAY, SEPTEMBER 3, 2001

10:20 AM. Sitting in the bleachers waiting for Hit, er, Coach, I noticed class was smaller today. It turned out six people dropped, including one of the two girls.

At precisely 10:30, Coach Butler came power walking in the gym. This time he had with him a clipboard. And not one soul was yappin’.

Coach blew his whistle.

Coach had us start out on defense, explaining the proper defensive stance, ball and body whistle drills and the like.

“Move your feet! Bend those knees! One hand guards the passing lane, the other protects the crossover dribble!”

After a grueling workout, he lined us up against the wall. I knew this could only mean one thing and one thing only…

Son of a bitch. Burpee's cousin — Son of a bitch. Burpee’s cousin

Run up to each marker one at a time, bend over and touch the line with your finger, run back, touch that line again, and progress to the next marker. Repeat until the entire gym is covered.

We never touched a basketball that morning. After class in the locker room, a few of the guys were bitchin’.

“What the fuck, I didn’t sign up for aerobics!”

“How long is he gonna keep this up? When are we gonna play some games?”

“This shit ain’t funny. We suppose to be playing BASKETBALL, not fucking run!”

Deep down I respected Coach for his toughness. In a way, I even admired him. But you pick your battles, and I didn’t see any good to play devil’s advocate for Coach, so I quietly changed as they jawed back and forth. I left to English class on two very sore legs.

WEDNESDAY, SEPTEMBER 5, 2001

Today we ran and practiced our defense again. Then, Coach added in some teamwork drills. We formed four teams of six. The objective? Repeatedly throw a basketball off the backboard and never let it touch the ground. The catch? Everyone had to be constantly running in motion. The jumping, the running, and the TIMING — the ability of your teammates to give you a good bounce, as well as vice versa, plays a huge role in how much success your team will have.

Then we ran a “weaving motion pass” system. Four lines with one person in each row weaving in their two lanes, passing the rock back and forth. Relatively easy, right? Sure… ’til Coach demanded it be done at breakneck speed! MADNESS.

One full week in the semester, we hadn’t played one lousy game yet, let alone take one stinkin’ shot. Even I was starting to wonder when could we get some games going. Before we left the gym that day Coach seemed to have read our minds.

“Starting Monday, we will begin playing basketball games.”

We let out a semi-mock celebratory cheer.

And once again he left the gym, leaving us alone to chew over the magnitude of another infamous proclamation.

MONDAY, SEPTEMBER 10, 2001

We started the day off with suicides, did a motion-weave pass drill, and then the games were finally on. 24 players in all, four teams of six. 5-on-5 games, so each team had a sub. The schedule was simple: run and work on drills for the first half hour. The final 45 minutes were spent playing three games 15 minutes a piece.

Remember that mysterious hooded baller? Coach selected random captains today — of which I was one. I had the 1st “draft pick” and selected Denny, “the mysterious baller.” He was one of the top three overall players in the class. He dribbled like a Globetrotter, passed like Magic Johnson and was quick like Allen Iverson.

Alex was my 3rd round pick. Bros before hos! Actually, that one girl was pretty damn good. I mean, FOR A GIRL.

[Oh no you dih-ent! -Ed.]

Seriously, she had game. She was taken before Alex!

It was a great day. Our conditioning was improving, and now we were finally playing some ball. My legs were adjusting to the rigorous routine and no longer ached after a class as they did before.

I loved all my classes, especially Beginning Acting and Basketball. So far, college was sweet. I broke away from my high school crowd. I made new friends. Classes were cool. Girls were cute. Life was good.

But less than 24 hours later, that would all change in the blink of an eye.

TUESDAY, SEPTEMBER 11, 2001

Just a mere two weeks after I started college, the joy and excitement of a new beginning took a backseat to the most horrific tragedy to hit the US in recent memory.

I remember waking up, going downstairs and turning on the TV. The Twin Towers were engulfed in flames. Endless billows of smoke devoured the morning sky. At first I thought it was a movie, but then I spotted the news logo on the screen. This was no movie. This was real.

That morning Kevin and I drove solemnly to school, listening to the radio. We heard the cries and the chaos unravel. It was unlike anything I had ever experienced before.

We arrived on campus around 8 and went straight to the University library; to the floor where they had a television playing the morning news. Everyone was watching the horrific tragedy unfold. I remember just looking around the room and seeing the horrified faces, sad ones and angry ones… images you can’t ever forget.

My first class that fateful morning was Beginning Acting with Laura Smith at 8:30. We didn’t act that day.

It was a small class (only 13 students). One of them was missing. It was Becky, who moved from New York the previous summer. Amber, a close friend of Becky’s, informed us that her family was directly affected. It hit me like a ton of bricks. It reminded how our small problems are really just that: small. While we’re fussing over a bad date last Friday night, or how we were sniped on eBay, the Becky Slaters of the world had family dying in New York.

Laura sat in front of us staring at the ground in dead silence… we waited for what seemed like an eternity. Finally she looked up at us, shook her head and we spent the entire period talking about 9/11.

Math was next, and it was more of the same. We didn’t work, we talked.

Around noon, the entire University cancelled all classes for the remainder of that day. It was sheer chaos as suddenly the campus was ransack with students all rushing to the parking lots. Some acted as though our campus was next in line for terrorist attack. It was surreal as hell… an unforgettable scene… the kind you wake up to on certain mornings.

2 weeks into college, things were going about as well as you could hope for. But in one morning, the world was turned upside down.

WEDNESDAY, SEPTEMBER 12, 2001

When I entered the gym that morning, I found the bleachers already filled with my classmates. It was a somber scene. Some were reading the paper, others were talking in a very subdued manner. We were still confused, still angry, and still trying to cope in our own ways. I went over to Alex and Jon, who were both silently staring down at the gym below them. I looked over at Denny. No basketball in hand. No one was in the mood to play ball at a time like this, not even him.

I remember sitting the 3rd row up, seat number 130. It was now 10:31. No sign of Coach yet. I couldn’t help but stare at the entrance, waiting for Coach to come through. He’s ALWAYS on time — 10:30 sharp. Maybe 10:29. But right now, no one knew where he was.

We waited and waited. 10 minutes went by. Still no Coach. I kept staring at the double doors, waiting… hoping… for Coach to walk through.

Now it was 10:42. No sign of Coach. Uncharacteristic of the man, we started speculating. I pondered whether or not Coach had any family in New York. For that matter, did he have a family at all? What did I know about Coach, anyway? I realized: Nothing. Coach was like a robot. We knew nothing of his personal life, and only knew of him as the black Adolf Hitler.

I was lost in my thoughts until the doors flung open at 10:45. A hush fell over the crowd. Coach came in with a whistle tied around his neck and clipboard in hand. He showed no emotion other than his usual stern self. He walked over to the cabinet, removed a set of keys from his pocket, unlocked the cabinet and brought out a rack of basketballs. Then he walked to the center of the court, looked up at his players sitting high in the bleachers above him, and waited.

10 very tense seconds of silence commenced…

Up in the bleachers we looked at each other, all curious what Coach would say first. How would he address the tragedy? Why was he 15 minutes late? I remember thinking, “We’re about to finally see a human side to Coach.”

All eyes were on him. We waited for him to say something… anything. But he only stared back at us, a blank slate devoid of any emotion.

Finally, Coach broke the silence.

And like the voice of God raining down on us, all twenty four Beginning Basketball players stood up and lumbered on down. Descending the stairway, my mind was racing. What’s going to happen? By the time I reached the court I decided on one thing:

Hey, cut Coach some slack.

He just wants us face-to-face, coz he’s a straight shooter like that.

He’s going to address the 9/11 tragedy right here, right now.

He never did.

“Rios, Westbrook, Adams and Myers — you’re leaders,” he bellowed. He jotted some notes on his clipboard. His expression didn’t change from the stoic look that he always wore.

And that was that. Fresh off the tragedy of 9/11, how could anyone play basketball at a time like this? Staring blankly at one another in disbelief, none of us budged. Had Coach no heart? Had the man no soul? I looked at him in stony silence. Busy scribbling notes on his clipboard, he carried on as if nothing ever happened. What’s his problem? I was searching desperately for a reason to justify his actions, or lack thereof. The guy I respected, admired and even believed in. Perhaps the others were right. Coach was nothing more than a cold-blooded ruthless power drunk bastard.

Seeing our reluctance to start, Coach applied just the right touch of care and incentive:

And for the next hour we played basketball. No one went full-speed. How could we? Our minds and hearts were elsewhere. A place with more pressing matter than a silly game of a round bouncing ball.

But then… a funny thing happened.

To call it a miracle would be a definite stretch of the imagination. Or maybe not. But it was nothing short of a magical feeling that morning.

About halfway through the games, we started having fun. The simple execution of a give and go. The satisfaction of swishing a 3. The feeling of joy off assisting your teammate with a perfectly timed wrap-around pass.

Suddenly we played harder. We shouted out basketball team terminology like “Screen left!” and “I got ball!” We ran as though our lives depended on it. We shared the rock and switched from zone defense to man-to-man. The games became competitive. Fast. Furious.

And as we ran up and down the court that morning like a bunch of carefree ten-year-olds, I looked up at the bleachers and saw Coach sitting there.

I saw something I would never forget.

And then it hit me.

I understood now.

Everyone deals with tragedy and grief in their own unique way.

Some people eat.

Some focus on material possessions.

Some cry and mourn.

Others play basketball.

Every professor I had that semester took the day after 9/11 off, but not Coach Butler. Rather, he did things his own way.

Looking back… I’d say… it was the right way.

EPILOGUE

That morning I came to realize playing basketball with your friends can be therapeutic. In the locker room that afternoon (as it came to be), the mood was less somber, despite the reality of the situation being very much the same. You can’t always change the reality, but you can ALWAYS choose how to REACT to it. Indirectly, or maybe directly, Coach taught me that.

It was the first time I saw Coach smile. It was also one of the very few times. He never did bring up 9/11, and I’m sure he had his reasons. The rest of the semester proceeded exactly how we started. He was the boss. We the grasshoppers. He accepted nothing less than max effort, he was rough, and he was tough. And for that I have mad respect for him.

I aced the class and finished with a 3.871 GPA that semester.

A year later, Fall 2002, I returned to the same gym I’d poured buckets of sweat on. It was the first week of school. I was a sophomore now, and although I wasn’t registered for Beginning Basketball, I thought I check it out anyway.

Coach was surprised to see me that morning.

“I thought I got rid of you. You’re coming back for more?”

Coach was friendlier with me than before. I chalked it up to my passing his course, and possibly, in the process earning his respect man to man. I made three “special guest appearances” during that first month. I did the same drills, ran around campus and I played ball with those new guys. Just for fun. But once my school work load piled on, I never went back.

In the Spring of 2003, I was walking through the crowd on campus when I noticed a man on a bicycle quickly coming my way. It was Coach Butler! I figured he wouldn’t notice me, or if he did, that he wouldn’t bother to say hello. Imagine my surprise when he called me out in the crowd. We talked for 5 minutes. It made me proud to know that I had, without a shadow of a doubt, earned his respect.

The next time I ran into Coach it wasn’t long thereafter.

It was the very next semester in fact. Fall 2003. My tradition was every Friday I went to the University gym to play pickup ball. One day who else but Coach Butler and his friends were playing. Coach told me to join in. Next thing I know, I’m in a 5-on-5 game with and against Coach and his friends. His friends were YOKED. Talk about being thrown into the fire!

At the end of a hard fought game, Coach came up to me, shook my hand and told me something I’ll always remember:

“Nice game. You held your own.”

Noting the gleam in his eye, like that of a proud uncle, I simply nodded as we shook hands.

Then, we parted ways.

And that was the last time I ever saw him.

COACH CARTER THE MOVIE

Many years later I caught in theatres COACH CARTER, starring Samuel L. Jackson, with a guest appearance by the lovely Ashanti. It surprised me how eerily similar the movie was to my own experience with Coach Butler.

CLOSING THOUGHTS

Beginning Basketball with Coach Butler was one of the best classes I ever took. At the time, I thought he was merely teaching the fundamentals of basketball. Nothing more. It was only later that I realized… all along he was teaching me about life.

Rendering Ranger: R2 (SFC)

One expensive mutha... — One expensive mutha…

On September 7, 2006, I acquired a cart only version of Rendering Ranger: R2 for a “measly” 90 dollars. I say measly because today, more than 10 years later, a cartridge only copy goes for well over $500. In fact, there is a copy on eBay right now with a Buy It Now of $950, damn. A boxed copy goes in the thousands. Why? This game is really rare. In fact, the R2 might not stand for Rendering Ranger but rather “really rare.” Rumor has it there were only a few thousand copies released.

Rendering Ranger was developed by a man named Manfred Trenz (Turrican creator). R2 originally started out as a pure horizontal space shooter. Some time during development they worked in run ‘n gun stages due to the popularity of the genre. They felt a pure space shooter wouldn’t sell real well. R2 is a mixture of Contra (or Turrican) and R-Type. The game was in development for nearly 3 years.

It’s a visual tour-de-force. “This is the Super Nintendo?!” was my reaction multiple times. In certain sections I even thought, “You could pass this for a Sega Saturn title!” Even when the screen is swarmed with countless sprites, there’s no slowdown… none!

Let’s take a closer look at the action.

STAGE ONE

Lots of planes and debris zip by in the background. Mid-way through a huge plane crashes in Mode 7, destroying half the tracks. These flying foot soldiers make up the bulk of the enemy line in level one. It’s fun to watch them flash before exploding.

Stay underneath and away from the flaming pod. These suckers sure take a licking.

STAGE TWO

A quick jaunt outside before entering the enemy base.

Take the lift down. As you descend, flames and drillers attack. Make your way deeper in the base. Doors fall down (reminds me of the classic HANGAR stage in NES Contra). Blow ‘em up. Stationary machines hang from the ceilings and threaten with their deadly flame throwers. No boss here. Board the space ship…

STAGE THREE

Enter the giant asteroid field and mow down anything that moves. Be careful — the big ones segment into four smaller pieces when shot at.

This guy has two forms, the bugger! There’s one of your bomb options on display. I like this particular one because of the wide range it covers.

STAGE FOUR

Trekking deeper in the outer reaches of space, there’s no turning back now. To call the graphics here “mind blowing” would be a gross understatement. My goodness… this is the *16-BIT* Super Nintendo, right?

Huge fleets of ships attack at all times. You really have to see it running to comprehend how amazingly fluid this game moves, without a hint of slowdown in sight. It’s truly remarkable!

STAGE FIVE

After a spirited battle in the air we’re back at it on foot. More doors await to be blown to bits. There’s something oddly satisfying about the flashing effect. It takes me back to the good ol’ 8-bit NES era. Rocksteady from TMNT II, anyone?

This particular gun works extremely well in tight confined spaces such as this.

STAGE SIX

Back to those so-called “friendly” skies. Intimidating fortresses must be dissected section by section. Stage 6 really reminds me an awful lot of SENGOKU BLADE (Sega Saturn).

STAGE SEVEN

Best stage intro ever. An ominous swirly almost mirage-like image of a gargantuan crimson demon skull fades in and out… foreshadowing? My lips are sealed…

This dip from outer space to the metropolitan city at night is mind-blowing. “This is the Super Nintendo!?” rang through my head for the umpteenth time.

STAGE EIGHT

This is where the game decides to knock you down, kick you, then point and laugh. An evil descent sends you through a lengthy force-scrolling section with VERY tight turns and small openings.

IT SCROLLS REALLY FAST. Even the most clairvoyant gamer will find himself at the Game Over screen in no time. Those stones make matters even worse — if you have weak guns fudgetabudit. Suffice it to say…. GOOD LUCK!

MISCELLANEOUS NOTES

Whether on foot or in the air, you can take 5 hits before losing a life (3, 5 or 7 lives)

8 character passwords are provided after each level is completed

3 bars allow you to use 3 bombs. The bars are regenerative and slowly refill once used

Each gun has its own unique bomb (i.e. wave, sphere, etc.) Some are more effective than others

Various container units hold invaluable power-up goodies or energy refill

There’s not a lick of Japanese, though there may be in the ending

Not really difficult… until stage 8, where things just get crazy

When you lose a life, the gun you were last holding will be downgraded. So if you have a weak level 1 weapon, make sure you switch to that when your health is really low

Did I mention the graphics are really amazing?

CLOSING THOUGHTS

The first stage is kind of dull, but it really picks up after that. It’s not a masterpiece (sans graphically of course) but it’s very playable and the bosses are great fun to dismantle bit by bit. The password feature is nice since the levels are REALLY long. Mostly thanks to the fact that some of the bosses take FOREVER to kill. Only you can answer the question for yourself whether this game is worth the enormous price tag or not. It’s impressive to watch this game in motion. Zero slowdown as dozens and dozens of sprites are flying your way at breakneck speed. All in all, Rendering Ranger is a solid game but definitely geared toward collectors. I appreciate the effort to split this game into two different genres, but there are better run and gun games and better SHMUPS on the SNES than what you get here. At the price it commands you might be a little disappointed that it doesn’t cook breakfast! Or at the very least, be in the upper echelon of Super Nintendo gaming.

Mickey Tokyo Disneyland (SFC)

I was blessed with a great childhood, full of rich memories. But if I could go back and change two things however, I would have: 1. owned a puppy and 2. went to Disneyland. Yeah, I never went to Disneyland as a youth. I missed out on the “Happiest Place on Earth” [Sure, tell that to the Pink Poodle -Ed.]. It wasn’t until my senior year in high school… SENIOR GRAD NIGHT. For the fee of $100 per person, we had the park closed off to the Class of 2001 from midnight to 6 AM — it was ours to run… and ours to rule *maniacal laughter*

My friends and I immediately hitched on the first ride we could — the Pirates of the Caribbean. I can still remember vividly going under the cave for the first time… that WHOOSH sound echoing through the crisp cool night air as the darkness devoured us all. Awesome.

I remember the park being lit up… the dance room bumping with carefree to-be high school graduates… the free food… all the rides you could go on. By 4:30 AM many couples were passed out on the benches. But not my group… no, we were wide awake and determined to squeeze the park for all it was worth.

This next game definitely brings back memories of that night. It’s not by Capcom, but GRC, makers of the Genesis cult favorite Trouble Shooter. Despite less-than-stellar control which makes the game harder than it should be, Mickey Tokyo Disneyland is a nice little platformer featuring a timeless icon.

In order to rescue his friends captured by the evil Pete, Mickey must conquer each section of the park. Pete guards the end of each section, and in between there’s all manner of traps and minions to thwart your progress.

Water balloons good. The standard kind is flicked horizontally and, if you hold the button down, can be made bigger. The other kind is heaved upward, or if held down will send Mickey in the air. A decreasing meter indicates how long until the balloon pops.

While in mid-air, press forward and Mickey will be shot in said direction. In certain areas this is mandatory. You can even do a diagonal downward/upward dive.

Hold Y and kneel down. Mickey will set a water balloon on the ground. From here he can jump off it for an added boost. Or use it to create a weight Indiana Jones style!

Or it can be used to pick off enemies below. Sweet. I love it when games allow items to serve multiple purposes

Alright, a quick look at some of the levels below.

STAGE ONE

The first stage is basic and eases you in. The look of the game immediately reeled me in. I like Mickey’s representation; it’s much more traditional Mickey than seen in the Capcom games.

Absolutely gorgeous. But before you can enjoy it for long the treasure chests (all but one) come alive.

[Seriously? You’re FIRED… -Ed.]

You can almost take it all in, can’t cha? OK, maybe just me, then.

This bastard tosses food in the water to attract the biting fish as you swim by.

Like Sonic, you’ll need to come up for a breather. Here’s a nice spot to do that.

Jump over the barrels and spray him. Wait, that came out kinda wrong.

Look at Pete doing his best damn impersonation of, er, Damnd, from Final Fight.

Well I'll be damnd... — Well I’ll be “damnd”…

STAGE TWO

Usually brown is a bland color in games but GRC made it look exceptional here.

STAGE THREE

STAGE FOUR

STAGE FIVE

It’s just like you’re at Disneyland… if there were evil monks running around trying to kill you, that is.

STAGE SIX

This spooky ghost face greets you early on in level 6. It’s an easy sitting target though with no attacks, so it’s simply there for decoration. I love these little festive touches. Really brings a game to life when I see little details like such.

CLOSING THOUGHTS

A fun game to pop in on a lazy, rainy day

I had quite a bit of fun with Mickey Tokyo Disneyland. I liked how they incorporated the theme park into the game’s stages. Although Mickey is a bit rigid on the controls, I had a blast making my way through the dark side of Disneyland. It’s definitely not as good as the Capcom Mickey games, but it’s a decent alternative when you’re in the mood to dispose of bad guys via water balloons rather than blocks. Put it this way, I’m glad all these different variations of Mickey games exist on the SNES — you can’t go far wrong with any of them.

I must warn you though. Remember how easy the Capcom Mickey games were? Not the case here. Thankfully, Mickey is not a one hit wonder. On easy you have 8 health bars (in the form of balloons), medium 5 and hard 3. The control may cramp your style but it can be worked around, and if you’re looking for a Mickey game that is challenging for a change, this one does the job. Perfectly suitable game to kill a couple hours with on those dark Fall rainy Sunday afternoons!

Fighter’s History: Mizoguchi Kiki Ippatsu!! (SFC)

I grew up loving fighting games. Being born in 1983, I was around 8-11 right when it was the “Golden Age of Fighting Games” (circa 1991-1994). I ate up the Street Fighter II clones that popped up overnight like a bad pimple on prom night. One of my favorites was Data East’s Fighter’s History (1993). The first time I saw its colorful, comic-book like cabinet, it was instant love. The game has a mixed bag reputation (leaning more toward “below par”) but I’ve always liked it.

One of my fondest gaming memories involves the summer of 1994. That was a summer for the ages. It was…

It’s a true story that was featured in Rob Strangman’s 2014 book “Memoirs of a Virtual Caveman” (which can be found on Amazon.com, cheap plug).

On one epic June morning, my old best friend Nelson and I came across three imports in the flesh that were months away from their US release. It was, in a word, glorious.

I have fond memories of playing Super Famicom Fighter’s History that hot summer day at Nelson’s. We would switch off and it was an awesome time to be a carefree kid growing up in suburbia.

This image is seared into my memory bank even 22 years later:

Conjures such nostalgic memories for me!

Takes me right back to Nelson’s living room on a hot June afternoon of 1994. Such amazing memories. On a side note, the SNES Fighter’s History port doesn’t get enough credit. It’s one of the best arcade-to-SNES translations I have played. Really well done by Data East.

Fighter’s History Dynamite came out in arcades in 1994. It is also known as Karnov’s Revenge.

But did you know there was a THIRD Fighter’s History game? And believe it or not, of all systems it was released ONLY on the Super Famicom February of 1995. Its full name is Fighter’s History: Mizoguchi Kiki Ippatsu!!

It’s a fascinating little footnote in Data East history. It included the two new characters of Fighter’s History Dynamite (Yungmie and Zazie) but unfortunately did away completely with these cats:

Of course, those five guys (heh, Five Guys…) happen to be my personal favorites of the series. Go figure. Instead, here is your roster:

Stripped down to 8, it seems like a massive step back. Especially considering the 1993 original had 9 characters to begin with, and the 1994 sequel had 13 characters. To go down to 8 in 1995 seems like a waste. Therefore, it feels like a weird remix of the first two games. Had it included all the characters, this would easily have been the definitive Fighter’s History game.

The game opens with a nice intro, at least. We’re (re)introduced to Data East’s Chelnov character, who appeared in Atomic Runner.

We’re also treated to the titular star’s special moves.

Of all people, why bring back Lee? Why? I miss Ray and his “BAKED POTATO!”

The game introduces mostly new backgrounds. Sadly, they’re not as memorable as the ones found in the first game. I always enjoyed the first game’s backgrounds. They weren’t flashy, but had a quiet solid quality backing them. By comparison here is Ryoko’s original stage below.

I love the basic simplicity of the original backgrounds — I love the look of the original backgrounds

Back are the weak points. Knock these weak points off and the characters become dizzy. I remember as kids we were all curious and excited wondering what Fei-Lin would look like after her top came off. Oh how we were disappointed. A sign of the times it was indeed. 1993, oh I miss thee…

Hate his stage's music — Hate his stage music

I loved Clown from the first game. There was a sinister element to him from the first game that is missing in this game. I can’t quite put my finger on it, but he doesn’t feel the same. Almost like it’s an imposter of the first Clown. Huh. Maybe it’s just me being weird. Good bet.

Zazie is one of two new fighters from Fighter’s History Dynamite. I never liked him much.

And Yungmie is the other one. Never liked her either. It’s a shame these two characters made the cut and that Ray, Matlok, Samchay, Jean and Marstorius were left on the cutting room floor.

Karnov’s stage from Fighter’s History Dynamite is recycled. Not bad. I’ve always liked this background. A rare instance in which I prefer the sequel’s background to the original version. Here’s Karnov’s bare bones boring stage from the original game below.

"Not so damn fast!" — “Not so damn fast!”

Here’s the cheat code to use him in certain modes:

Press Down, Down, Up, Up, Right, Left, L, R at the title screen after the opening intro.

Yes, the goofy announcer is back. “MIZOGUCHI… LOSES!”

It's a battle of the 'Novs! — It’s a battle of the ‘Novs!

TAG MODE: FOUR PLAYER FIGHTER’S HISTORY

The game’s most interesting feature is undoubtedly its FOUR player tag mode. Yes, up to four human players can plug up and play. Not at once, mind you, but it’s pretty impressive for an early 1995 fighting game. Early shades of X-Men vs. Street Fighter and the like!

As far as I know, it’s the only “4 player” fighting game on the SNES. For that alone, it’s gotta be considered at the very least, “noteworthy.” Also throw in the fact that this is the only “sequel” to an arcade game that came out exclusively on the SNES. Data East breaking all sorts of ground with this game.

See the touch sign there? Simply hit select at those points to switch out to your tag partner. There is a slight half second delay but all things considered it’s not bad, especially for 1995 16-bit standards. Quite frankly, it was pretty innovative stuff.

Two different practice modes are also available. In addition, a survival mode rounds out the extra bonuses. Nice job, Data East. Still, these cool modes don’t quite make up the difference for gutting your roster. There’s no doubt the SNES could have handled those 5 fighters. Weird, and lazy!

CLOSING THOUGHTS

I have mixed feelings about this game. The sound is pretty dang awful, but it’s nice to hear that wacky announcer return. The tag mode is an awesome feature, but on the flip side cutting those 5 characters really drag it down. Also, being a big fan of SNES Fighter’s History, this game doesn’t quite possess the same physics as that game. I can’t quite describe it but play it and you’ll notice the difference(s). I much prefer the gameplay and physics of the original.

As much as I want to like this quirky fascinating footnote of a game, there is just too much about it that I don’t particularly like that I can’t wholeheartedly recommend it. If it had the entire Fighter’s History crew I wouldn’t hesitate to call this a definite “hidden gem.”

As is, it’s only for the hardcore fighting game fans out there or for those of you who are fascinated by the idea of playing a Super Nintendo fighting game with three buds at the “same time.” All in all, it’s hit and miss. It certainly doesn’t play poorly, and the tag feature is undeniably dope, but that roster is way too thin and the sound is difficult to stomach at times. I’m glad I got a copy but it’s disappointing to think about how much better this game could have been and should have been. Oh well, can’t win ‘em all. Just ask Capcom when they tried to sue Data East in 1994 for copyright infringement

The Lost Weekend

Note: This article was originally written on my original site (RVGFanatic.com) two years ago on September 1, 2014. It was the weekend I *finally* organized my SNES collection. Being that today is Labor Day (September 5, 2016), I’d like to honor the memory of that epic weekend two years ago by re-posting this story

The lost weekend is a phrase used to describe an epic drunk weekend that begins Friday night and ends early Monday morning. As much as I love what I do for a living, there’s nothing like Friday when you’ve checked off your last to-do item on the list. An uncaged animal, you now have the next 50 or so hours to return to the comforts of your esteemed sanctuary, game cave or even make a random trip out of town. There are few things I relish more in this world than the feeling I get every single Friday evening when I make the drive home from a long, grueling work week. Rolling down the windows, undoing your tie, blasting the radio and taking in a good whiff of that sweet Friday night air. You know the weekend is here, and you know good times lie ahead. Whatever happened earlier that week is washed away as the weekend promises a respite. Punching out on a Friday is simply priceless!

Oh, the night is my world... — Oh, the night is my world…

City light painted girl.
In the day nothing matters.
It’s the night time that flatters.

Sorry, tangent!

Some Friday nights I like to hit the town and check out what’s going on. Other times I simply like cruising around with no destination in mind… letting the road take me wherever it shall. I’ve always been a night owl. My energy kicks in right when many prefer to sleep. I’m not as outgoing in my old age as I once used to be, but I do still like to get out there every once in a while to sample a bit of the night life. Lately though, after an exhausting work week, I’ve found driving straight home to relax and unwind to be slightly more appealing. Being a night owl, there’s something magical about those 11 PM to 2 AM hours on a late Friday night/early Saturday morning. Sometimes I’ll throw in a movie. Or play the next SNES game on my queue. Other times I’m working on a review or just hanging out with some pals. Whatever I end up doing, there’s something precious about those late hours. A nice calm and quiet serenity to it all.

Sometimes the best weekends are unplanned

Then Saturday morning comes. I just love to hang around town, or even stay in and take care of some projects around the house. More often than not, I’m usually chilling at home. No shame. I love those quiet early Saturday mornings… where it feels like the world is standing still for a brief moment or two. It’s even better during the fall season where you get weather like you see here. It’s so atmospheric — sometimes it’s great to hang out around the house chilling like a bum with no plans whatsoever.

Rock on, Super Nintendo — Saturday mornings and SNES? Sign me up!

Sometimes I’ll stay in and play the next game on my queue. It’s a joy to explore my SNES library. I acquired most of these games in early 2006, yet still there remains hundreds I have yet to play. It’s the system that keeps on giving. Once in a special while, you have a weekend you will never forget. This past Labor Day weekend (2014) was one such time for me. I decided it was time to finally set up and display my complete in box SNES collection. A project LONG overdue!

It puts my 8½ year SNES run into perspective :) — Puts my 8½ year SNES run into perspective

For years they were all over the place... — For years they were all over the place…

For over 8 years I’ve kept my Super Nintendo stuff tucked away in bins and boxes. Until recently I was inspired to finally set it up. I was inspired by a video on YouTube that showed movie critic Chris Stuckmann’s N64 games in badass box protectors. They looked über shiny and glossy. I knew right away that I had to do the same for my SNES collection. I contacted Dan of retroprotection.com and purchased 200 box protectors for $142. That may seem like a lot, but at 71 cents a pop, I believe it’s more than worth the investment, especially given how flimsy SNES boxes are. And like I said, it adds a nice classy sleek look.

Thanks Chris for the inspiration ^_^ — Thanks Chris for the inspiration

Highly recommended — Can’t go wrong with Dan the Man

I bought 200 tray inserts off eBay. Most of my SNES boxes didn’t come with an insert. They help prevent the cartridges from rattling and are a must for your boxed games.

The lost weekend began Friday night as I dug out my boxes and manuals in preparation for Saturday’s one man assembly line. Seeing the goods out in full force reminded me of how lucky I was that the nostalgia bug bit me back in January 2006, and not years later as the market would then explode. The prices these babies now command are insane. I was fortunate enough to beat the crowd. 2006 was a golden time to be a diehard SNES buyer as many items were cheap still.

Right place, right time... — Right place, right time…

Had this set up but it was time for an upgrade

Saturday morning, 9:15 AM. A beautiful morning, the floor was littered with cartridges, manuals and boxes. One at a time I began to put the pieces together. My goal was to get the first 200 games boxed. As I assembled it, I listened to quite a few wrestling podcasts. It was fun listening to Jim Ross shooting the breeze with Stone Cold Steve Austin. Also listened to Drax the Destroyer Dave Bautista talking to Chris Jericho about a variety of topics and learned a thing or two sitting under the learning tree of one, Paul Heyman. It help made the tedious one man assembly line a lot more fun, plus flipping through the various manuals and reading the back of boxes kept me entertained. It ended up being a lot more enjoyable and memorable than I imagined it would be. I felt like a kid all over again seeing my childhood resurrected, coming back to life one game, one box and one manual at a time ^_^

Wow. My jaw dropped as I stood back to admire my collection in half its glory. With another 200 or so games to piece together and display, this is ‘only’ 204 boxed SNES games. Wiping the sweat off my brow, I stood there for what felt like 30 minutes to admire the beauty of it all. I should have done this years ago! I love the SNES boxes. They’re flimsy but there’s something cool about them. They are, essentially, fragments of memories from my childhood!

CLOSING THOUGHTS

One guy put it best when he said years ago, “I feel like I’m fulfilling my childhood dreams.” There’s something to be said about walking into a room only to be met by hundreds and hundreds of boxed video games. As a child I remember gawking at the endless Super Nintendo titles on hand at the local SOFTWARE ETC. or Toys R Us. I could only dream of one day owning even a small fraction of all those games. Yet as of today, my collection rivals the stores I saw in my youth. Even surpassing them. It’s a trip. That’s one Labor Day weekend I’ll never forget. Finally I’d put together a bulk of my SNES collection. As I did, a flood of memories came roaring back, ranging from how I acquired a game to my childhood memories of playing a certain game to death. It was a weekend for the ages. Indeed, I have fulfilled my childhood dreams

I love the small pleasures in life. And one of them is definitely coming home to your game room. Gazing at those gorgeous boxes and knowing you can pick to play any one of them at any time is an incredible feeling. On lazy weekends, I enjoy playing games I’ve yet to play and have been curious about for years on end. Now that my collection is displayed, I feel all the more fortunate to own all the games that I do. The offering of choices is endless and playing the rest of the games still left on my to-beat queue is a lifetime project. You know what I absolutely love? You know how sometimes you’ll get the strangest, most random urge to play a certain game? Like it just hits you between the eyes out of the blue. The feeling I get from going through my work day and then you head home with that game still on your mind. You can’t shake it. You enter your game room, find it on the shelf, take it down and pop it in. Good stuff. It’s part of what makes gaming so much fun. I love movies, but to me there’s nothing like retro gaming. They’re bundles of nostalgia and wonder.

Hey, is it Friday night yet?

They're like a mini time machine ^_^ — They’re like a mini time machine ^_^

I apologize in advance for the low quality of the video. My camera two years ago was quite crap

My Super Nintendo Genesis

The Super Nintendo celebrates its 25th birthday here in the US! Released in late August of 1991, it’s hard to believe it’s been a quarter century since the SNES has dazzled and delighted an entire generation of gamers. In honor of this grand milestone, I figure now’s as good a time as any to share my first experience with the SNES nearly 25 years ago. The following story was published originally in Rob Strangman’s Memoirs of a Virtual Caveman (2014).

Enjoy! -Steve

Honored to have 5 stories published! — Thanks Rob for publishing my stories!

***

MY SUPER NINTENDO GENESIS

IT’S BEEN SAID that every gamer, regardless of the generation they were born in, recollects back fondly on their gaming childhood. There’s a certain sense of wonder, awe and magic when you combine quality video gaming and the pure innocence of a child. While I love gaming now as an adult, there are pros and cons to gaming as a kid, and gaming as an adult. Although I feel I’ve matured in my gaming tastes over the years, nothing can ever recapture the pure adulation of video game discovery through the impressionable eyes of youth. There was also the fact of perusing through glorious 400 page video game magazines, renting games every weekend and having excess time to game that today is no longer viable, for the most part. So, while every gamer will claim their generation had it best… for me, I can’t think of a better year I’d rather be born in than good ol’ 1983.

Being born in ’83 meant that I grew up, literally, with the classic 8-bit Nintendo. Living with my game loving uncle growing up, he bought a Nintendo for my brother (Kevin) and me circa 1987. I was four years old at the time, and the NES was just beginning to hit its stride and complete domination of the video game market. There was a mom and pop rental shop down the road called Evergreen Video that my dad would take Kevin and me every Saturday afternoon. It was thanks to Evergreen Video (and our local neighborhood friends) that we got to experience such classics like Contra, Mega Man 2, Battletoads, Double Dragon II, TMNT II: The Arcade Game, and Beetlejuice. Wait, no, scratch that last one. Point being, it was a glorious time to be a carefree kid, living in suburban America, enjoying the prime of the 8-bit NES with my brother, our friends and our crazy Uncle Jimmy.

Gotta love the late '80s — Gotta love the late ’80s

But, like all good things in life, it had to come to an end at some point. Even at 7 years old, back in 1990 I could see the writing on the wall for my dear old friend when my uncle bought a Sega Genesis. Sega’s 16-bit monster absolutely blew me away. I remember before Uncle Jimmy bought it I saw it in action for the first time at my friend’s house. Denny showed me the box to Altered Beast, and it was love at first sight. As a staunch lover of all things monster-related, Altered Beast’s sleek box art displaying a savage wolf man amidst a barren wasteland instantly won me over.

“How big do you think the cartridge is?” Denny asked me, with a big grin on his kisser.

“Um, bigger than Nintendo?” I figured since Genesis was clearly a leap in technology that the cartridge needed more room to fit it all in.

Imagine my shock when Denny opened the clamshell to reveal a tiny little cartridge. He plugged the game in. Not 30 seconds later, I had to scrape my jaw off the floor. What I saw that day blew my mind; I knew the future of video gaming had arrived. It’s always hard to see a dear old friend slowly fading away. While my brother and I kept the NES alongside the Genesis, the 8-bit NES went from being my virtual best friend to something of a semi-dust collector. 1990 was definitely the year of the Sega Genesis.

But then, 1991 came. My friends began whispering around late summer of that year about a new Nintendo system coming out. They were touting how it would be the NES on steroids. Hence the name SUPER Nintendo, and that it was going to battle the Sega Genesis for video game supremacy. There seemed to be, in those days and at least in my young 8 year old eyes, a shroud of mystery and mystique surrounding the impending arrival of the SNES. If it truly was going to be the NES to the 10^th power, then heads were going to roll. They say you never forget your first time. I can certainly agree with that.

It was a trip for the ages... — It was a trip for the ages…

December 1991. For Christmas vacation my family drove Kevin and me to Lake Tahoe. Along with four other families, we were going to sleep over together in a gigantic cabin that the parents rented out. Now there’s something you need to understand. This was my gaming crew back in the day. Between the five families you had 16 kids ranging from 5 to 13 years old, and we all shared a love for one another and video gaming. You had the brothers, Tommy and Denny. Denny was the one who first introduced me to the Genesis and Altered Beast. These were the cats that owned all the latest gaming shit you could only dream of having, too. All our parents got along like best friends, and it just so happened that the kids liked each other a lot, too. I could go on and on about those cats that I ran with back in the late ‘80s to late ‘90s. It had to be some of the most legendary sleepovers in the history of mankind. Imagine 10 parents and 16 kids thick as thieves. The parents would talk, reminisce about their glory days, laugh, karaoke and dance up a storm downstairs while the kids would be upstairs gaming or making random silly home videos past the witching hour. I remember times where we even stayed up until 2 AM. Whenever I think of my childhood, I can’t help but think of those gaming brothers and the countless epic memories we forged.

But I digress. Back to that fateful day of late December 1991. We all checked in, put away our things and began scoping out the humongous 3-story cabin. I remember it was freezing. My best friend in the group, Zack, and I were going to share a room with the brothers, Brian and Bryce. I was closest to these three. Within the whole group you had three different sub-groups. I was sort of the “leader” of my sub-group, due to age. My group was the 1983-1986 kids. The other group composed of the kids born from 1978-1981. And then you had the girls in one entirely separate sub-group. I was unpacking my clothes when Zack’s older brother walked in.

I have to pause here and provide a little context on Zack’s older brother. In the years to come following this weekend get away, pretty much everyone in our group affectionately referred to him as Sushi-X. It was due to his fervent love for EGM. Also, he was the best damn Street Fighter II player we ever saw.

He played a mean Ryu. Rarely was he beaten — He played one hell of a Ryu. Rarely was he ever beaten

So enter Sushi-X. He started telling us how our room was haunted. Now, mind you, I was 8 years old at the time and very impressionable. While I loved ghost stories and all that, I never wanted to experience one for real! Sushi-X, you have to understand, was sort of the unspoken ring leader of the group. Everyone respected him; at 13 he was the oldest at that point in time. I always sort of looked up to him as a gaming sensei and a life expert, just because, well, he was 13 and like I said, I was a very impressionable 8 year old child. Sushi-X began telling us this tale of an old lady who once lived in this cabin, and how she slept in the very room that I was going to sleep in that night. He said she committed suicide right here, right where we stood unpacking our clothes. I remember all four of us – myself, Brian, Bryce and Zack – staring at each other in wide-eyed terror. Sushi-X spoke in such a matter-of-fact tone that I think we actually bought his BS lies. Again, the pure innocence of being that young!

He earned that nickname! — He certainly earned that nickname!

Thankfully, Tommy was also sort of an alpha male, and he always matched Sushi-X in stature within the group. Tommy ended the ghost story madness when he rushed into our room and cryptically declared, “Hey guys, if you’re ready to be blown away, come to the living room.”

I remember Sushi-X looking at me like, “Whoa, this gotta be good. Forget this ghost crap, deuces y’all!”

Good old Tommy. He saved the little guys as Sushi-X was the first one to bolt for the door. I breathed a heavy sigh of relief as Zack asked me, “Do you think my brother is telling the truth about that ghost lady?” It was all I could think about as the four of us followed behind Tommy and Sushi-X to the living room. As exciting as Tommy’s tease was, I was too preoccupied thinking about whether or not the room I would be sleeping in later that night was, indeed, truly haunted.

Once in the living room, I saw everyone sitting there. In front of us all was a TV and a black zipped bag. All eyes were fixed on Tommy and that bag which conspicuously sat beside him. Like a good brother, Denny was right next to Tommy, with the same big fat grin on his kisser that I had seen the year before when he revealed to me the cartridge size of Altered Beast. Suddenly, I forgot all about the ghost lady as a sensational feeling of excitement raged through every fiber of my being. I knew whatever this announcement might be that it was going to be monumental. Indeed, it would be a historic moment in time for this gaming group and a classic tale to be retold in the generations to come (wink).

“Well, now that everyone is here,” Tommy began, scanning the room and pausing for dramatic effect. He was always such a pro at being a showman. “Denny and I are proud to share with the group what we have brought. It’s inside this bag right here.” Tommy looked down and pointed to the black bag. He was surely milking this moment for all it was worth.

“While we’re still young!” interjected Nathan, the group’s token comedian. Everyone laughed. You could feel the palpable buzz and energy in the room as the moment of truth neared.

“Everyone’s a critic,” Tommy responded. I always admired him for his quick wit and repartee. Plus he certainly was always a straight shooter, never making up scary ghost stories just to rib on others. I’m looking at you, Sushi-X! “Alright, alright,” he continued. “Denny, if you would, bro.”

All 30 eyeballs in the room now shifted to Denny, who leaned over to unzip the bag. He looked at all of us, smiling, as he reached in. “What is it, what is it?!” he joked, as he held his hands in the bag for a solid 10 seconds. Like his brother, Denny knew how to milk a moment! Finally, after all the hoop-la he pulled out the brand new 16-bit Super Nintendo. Gasps erupted from the group along with shouts of joy and shock. No one in our group had yet to own the SNES, and now we just found out that Tommy not only owned one, but it was RIGHT HERE in the flesh ready to be played! The girls rolled their eyes as if to say, “That’s the big deal? Yuck.” They left while the rest of us crowded around the machine, as though we were fawning over a new born baby. We all wanted to be first to hold this new bundle of joy. It was an instant classic. A grand slam. The SNES completely, pardon the pun, changed the game.

What followed were hours and hours of F-Zero and Final Fight being played to death. Since I was in that second sub-group, and as these were single player games (prolonging the wait even further), there was an unspoken pecking order. Classic group dynamite, you understand. Thus, I never got to play either game that night, as the alpha males in the first sub-group (1978-1981) rotated turns. Even my brother got his licks in, and I remember thinking to myself what a miscarriage of justice it all was. Finally, nightfall came. After dinner we did some channel surfing. We came across Godzilla vs. Mothra. I’m a HUGE Godzilla fan, but our token comedian Nathan was doing his best Mystery Science 3000 Theatre impersonation that night, making all of us, including me, laugh our butts off. We had another late night as the group was infamous for, before finally crashing early in the wee morning hours.

Godzilla and SNES -- a great tag team — One of Godzilla’s most memorable reveals

The cabin groaned as I opened my eyes. I sat up and noticed my roommates Zack, Brian and Bryce were nowhere to be found. I chuckled to myself, figuring that they probably woke up early in order to make a beeline for Tommy’s Super Nintendo. I would have done the same if only I hadn’t slept like a hibernating bear. Opening the door, a cold chill instantly swept over me sending shivers up and down my spine. It felt like someone took electrical wires and brushed it across my back. I looked down the hallway, which was cloaked in an eerie darkness. It suddenly resembled a demonic hallway from a horror movie. I called out to my family and friends. No response. I had a Home Alone flashback. Was I, for the first time in my life, home alone? I shouted out again. Silence, except for the odd noises the old cabin was emitting. I began tip-toeing downstairs, making my way to the kitchen. Maybe everyone was at the breakfast table. Somehow, before I even reached the bottom step, I knew it was a false sense of hope. Sure enough, in the kitchen all I found was a note taped to the refrigerator.

I found a note on the fridge... — I found a note on the fridge…

Steve,
Everyone left for brunch. We will be back soon. Sorry, I didn’t want to wake you up. You had a late night and I wanted you to get the extra rest. Make some Honey Nut Cheerios, and don’t watch too much TV.

Love,
Mom

Fantastic. Now I was trapped all by myself in this… this… THIS CABIN FROM HELL! I opened the fridge to take out the milk and spotted a cold can of 7 Up. Being my favorite soda, I wanted nothing more than to down that sucker right then and there, but I realized if I did I might have to use the restroom, and there was no way I was heading down that demonic looking hallway! Ah, the dilemma of my youth. I relinquished my grip of the can and closed the fridge with milk in hand. The cabin continued hissing, making all manner of strange noises. Boy, it’s so much more amplified when you’re all alone. I suddenly thought of the ghost lady Sushi-X told me about the day before. Damn you, Sushi-X. But, even at 8 years old, I was a fairly resourceful kid. See, I had this theory. Ghosts and spirits would never mess with you if you had the radio or TV on. Any kind of noise would repel them. Hey, I was 8, OK? I made my way over to the living room and immediately turned the TV on. I came across one of my favorite wrestlers, Hulk Hogan, on a WWF show. I always had an affinity for pro wrestling. I loved the larger than life characters and the in-ring artistry and mayhem. Seeing the Hulkster ramble on in one of his classic pre-taped backstage interviews, talking about praying, training and eating your vitamins was more than enough to make me forget about my current quandary: I was the lone prisoner stuck inside the cabin from hell.

I felt a grim presence that dreary morning... — I felt a grim presence that dreary morning…

But then, without warning, the show came to a close. I immediately felt unnerved by the dreadful atmosphere of the cabin. Have you ever felt a PRESENCE in the room with you? That someone, or SOMETHING, was watching you from the shadows? That’s exactly how I felt on that cold and dreary December morning of 1991. And then, it happened. My eyes spotted Tommy’s Super Nintendo lying on the floor. Of course! I was shaking but this time, it wasn’t because of the freezing temperature or my fear of what might have lurked in the shadowy cabin corridors. I was shaking because this was a historic moment, a monumental moment of firsts: first time being home alone, and first time experiencing the almighty Super Nintendo for myself in ALL its glory. Hey, it’s true what they say… you never forget your first time.

Powering up F-Zero, I was instantly transported to Mode-7 Heaven. Every single racing track blew my mind. I couldn’t believe how fast it played, and how AMAZING the game looked. And that MUSIC… oh man, it would haunt me forever in a way that would make any spirit of that cabin, if there were any at all, extremely jealous. F-Zero led me from thinking about ghosts to obsessing over intergalactic racing warfare! Later I plugged in Final Fight and found myself saving the good citizens of Metro City one jaw-dropping stage after another, as I smeared the streets with the blood of the hooligans from the Mad Gear Gang. I had never seen such state-of-the-art arcade-like graphics before. The characters were unbelievably HUGE and at times I found myself wondering, “WHERE THE HECK IS THE COIN SLOT?!”

The visuals blew me away back in '91 — The visuals blew me away back in ’91

I played both F-Zero and Final Fight with a grand deal of euphoria until my family and friends came back. Yes, part of me was ecstatic to no longer be alone in the cabin from hell, but something funny happened during my inaugural play through with the Super Nintendo. It made me forget about malicious ghosts and evil spirits. Instead, it transported me to the future of video gaming, where you could snap a bastard’s neck in two and soar 200 feet across a race track suspended high above a futuristic city – all in stunning graphics and sound. The new generation of gaming had officially arrived, and it was nothing short of awesome. I never looked back.

Now, nearly 25 years later since that epic and infamous family-friend weekend to Lake Tahoe, I still remember certain aspects of the trip as if it happened only yesterday. I remember the big snowball fight we waged against one another. And how Zack, Brian, Bryce and I got a SMALL measure of revenge on Sushi-X when we caught him off guard and pelted him with four lumpy snowballs in stereo. I remember trying to ski and falling on my ass, making me look like that which I fell on. I recall how freezing and creepy the cabin was, especially during the night time and how you would get chills up and down your spine whenever crossing one of its various “cold spots.” Hell, I remember being ditched for breakfast! But most of all, I will always remember, with great affection, a real deep fondness of the first time I ever experienced the Super Nintendo. It’s a precious memory that will remain embedded in my gaming heart even decades from now, long after the Tahoe snow has faded.

I still keep in touch with the old gaming crew, but like many things in life, it’ll never be like how it was once upon a time. I guess that’s why many fondly refer to those halcyon days as the good old days. But, rather than weeping over times that have long passed, I rejoice that I was fortunate enough to be there when it happened. As I said at the beginning, most folks like to claim their generation as the best because each person’s childhood is unique and precious to them. Likewise, I can say beyond a shadow of a doubt that the years 1987 to 1995 was a special time growing up in suburban America. I basically grew up alongside the 8-bit Nintendo, the 16-bit Sega Genesis AND the Super Nintendo. It was a spectacular period in gaming’s history, and there’s a reason many fondly refer to that time as the “Golden Age of Gaming.” All in all, I considered myself pretty dang lucky.

***

Happy 25th birthday, SNES. Thank you for supplying us with an epic quarter century of awesome games and even better memories. Here’s to another gawd damn 25 years!

Battletoads in Battlemaniacs (SNES)

**Pub: Tradewest | Dev: Rare | June 1993 | 8 MEGS**

The Super Nintendo in the early-mid ’90s was where all your old 8-bit favorites went on to become immortalized. Taking everything that made the 8-bit classics so great and adding some 16-bit horsepower to the mix often times made for an even better game. Sadly though, not all 16-bit sequels lived up to the hype. And in some cases, they even fell way short. But I’m getting ahead of myself. Let’s rewind the clock back to the summer of 1991…

LEAN, MEAN AND GREEN

No NES loving kid in the early '90s could ever forget this — No NES loving kid could ever forget this

When the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles cartoon hit airwaves back in 1987, it sparked a revolution. It wasn’t long before we saw other similar mutant animal factions sprout up overnight like a bad pimple [I see what you did there -Ed.] on prom night. The first time I laid eyes on the Battletoads box at Evergeeen Video one hot June afternoon in 1991, I was hooked. Instead of beating up foot soldiers, you took on mutant rats. Instead of playing as turtles, you played as some badass toads. The game immediately grabbed my attention. No sooner then did I take it to the counter for the old man to rent.

At the time my bro and I were obsessed with Double Dragon II — My bro and I were obsessed with *Double Dragon II*

Double Dragon II was our jam. My uncle bought us a copy and we played it to death. Back then there was nothing like kicking in skulls and cleaning up the streets with a buddy in tow. As far as my 7-year-old self was concerned, nothing could top that. A jump kick here. An uppercut there. I was a pig in mud.

So many nights spent glued to the TV screen... — So many nights spent…

Double Dragon II was the pinnacle of NES beat ‘em ups. So my brother and I were excited to try out Battletoads especially coming off the heels of the very disappointing Double Dragon III sequel (February 1991).

It didn’t match the sheer awesomeness of Double Dragon II, but we definitely had our fair share of fun with Battletoads. One has to give it some credit for being different. At its heart you have another beat ‘em up, but it did a few quirky things here and there that has stood out in my mind even 25 years later. Whoa, speaking of which, I just realized NES Battletoads turned 25 two months ago. Cue the obligatory “Damn do I feel old now” comment.

Stick it where the sun don't shine — Stick it where the sun don’t shine

Just look at this enemy. Very unconventional looking. Not only that but you can break its legs, take one and beat bad guys with said leg. It’s utterly ridiculous, but all part of that weird, unique Battletoads charm.

Unfortunately, Battletoads is also known for its gross difficulty, particularly that infamous air bike section. You know the one I’m talking about. Even to this day, it’s still referred to as one of the hardest sections a video game has ever seen. But hey, maybe in the 16-bit sequel they’ll reduce the difficulty, or get rid of it altogether, right? Right…

Things start out well enough. Unfortunately you can’t pick the toad you want to use. Player 1 always uses Pimple while Player 2 uses Rash. Zitz was captured in the game intro. Kind of a downer you couldn’t just select from any three, but whatever. It’s fun seeing Pimple transform his fist into a stone hammer the very first time.

As well as this. It starts out being quite comical, and satisfying. That is until more than one enemy shows up, and the time it takes to produce such exaggerated animations begin to cost you. Enemies can easily score cheap hits because of these overblown moves, and they’re no longer as fun to watch the 10th time. Which proves to me sometimes you just can’t beat good old fashioned efficiency and practicality. These are fun gimmicks, indeed, but not very effective ones in the long run.

I do like though how the run option requires no double tapping. Just hold left or right for a little bit and your toad starts sprinting. Very handy for sections such as these.

I love the exploding volcanoes in the backdrop of this stage. And all the excessive lava flowing around everywhere. It sets a pretty nice tone.

Ah, here’s something more practical for ya. Surrounded by enemies? Smash both of them away at the same time. Very efficient, and satisfying.

Shades of Golden Axe if you ask me! Try to knock these bozos off that little cliff there. Always a great feeling when you manage to pull it off.

Not a big fan of level design like this. You know, where certain sections of the landscape give way and you have to be in the clear or else lose a life. Always felt cheap to me and particularly unnecessary in a beat ‘em up. There’s just no place for it.

Love Pimple’s reaction there. The game definitely has a sense of humor to it, and I’m sure I would have enjoyed it more if the game was more sensible rather than annoyingly cheap and difficult, which later on it does become.

Speaking of annoying, be careful not to be squashed. If you are, you turn into a quivering pancake, and your sprite will wobble around the screen. Thankfully you can control it but you do run the risk of waddling right off the cliff and thus lose a life if you’re not careful. It just adds another point to the annoyance meter for me.

The final blow ends in a Michael Bay slow motion explosion. Quite dramatic and lovely. It’s a shame this first level is really the only true “beat ‘em up” level in the entire game. Yes, sad but true. This caught me off guard the first time. Stages 2-6 are all gimmicky bullshit that involves rides of one kind or another, and really take away from the enjoyment of the game. Honestly felt like I was duped. A classic case of bait and switch if I ever saw one before.

No kidding... — No kidding on the real challenge

And so it begins. Your descent into gimmicky rides galore. At first it was like “OK, cool, they’re switching it up for stage 2 for some needed variety.” But then you realize these gimmicky scrolling stages never stop, much to the detriment of the overall game enjoyment.

Another glaring flaw is when playing with two players, should any one of the players die, the game resets to the beginning of the stage. How is that fair? How is that a good idea? Answer: it’s not fair, and it’s not a good idea. It practically makes it unplayable with two because of that. Sigh, there’s just so much that they got wrong with this one.

This part was just BS, too. At first it’s manageable, but soon the screen speeds up and you essentially have no chance in hell but to experience a completely cheap death that relies mostly on luck. The screen scrolls way too fast and your sprite is way too big, leaving you little room to react as well as little wiggle room. A terrible combination that isn’t fun but rather incompetently designed. Stuff like this really detracts from the game.

The bonus stages are OK, though. I like riding across the reflective surface there. It’s got a cool look to it. And it’s fun trying to collect as many of the good pins as you can while avoiding the bad ones. I just wish there were more regular beat ‘em up levels.

The infamous air bike section is back. And it’s as hard as ever. I’m sorry but this just isn’t fun. It’s way too hard for its own good. I don’t mind a legitimately stiff challenge as long as it’s reasonably fair and well thought out. This is not. It’s just borderline over the top ridiculous.

WHAT THE CRITICS SAID

Battletoads in Battlemaniacs received some amazing reviews when it came out over 23 years ago. EGM gave it scores of 9, 8, 8 and 8. GameFan rated it 94, 96, 99 and 99%. Wow. GameFan was notorious for handing out high scores like free condiments, and this is a pretty prime example of such. Two 99 scores for a game with its fair share of flaws — who knows what they were smoking back in the summer of ’93? Finally, Super Play Magazine scored it 80%.

CLOSING THOUGHTS

Sorry, just not a fan... — Sorry, just not a fan…

Earlier this summer I finally sat down to play Battletoads in Battlemaniacs for really the first time. Sure, I’m certain I had played it here and there for five minutes back in the early-mid ’90s, but I don’t recall ever thoroughly playing it. Needless to say, being a fan of the NES original, I came into this with lofty expectations. Imagine my shock when this turned out to be one of the most disappointing Super Nintendo games I have ever played. It’s not the worst game. But in terms of disappointing? Sadly I have to say it ranks up there. After a decent first stage of good ol’ beat ‘em up action, the game decides for some absurd reason to turn into a scrolling gimmicky ride. I just want to move from left to right and punch anything that comes in my way.

At least it's two player... — At least it’s two player…

I can appreciate a game with a tough challenge. But when it crosses the line like it does here, it just feels wrong. This game simply didn’t sit well with me outside of its visuals and music. Honestly, this game reminds me of a sleazy bait and switch. I came in expecting NES Battletoads on steroids. And it starts out decently enough. But as soon as that bloody second level hits, the game takes off its mask and says, “HA! TRICKED YA! THANKS FOR THE FIFTY BUCKS, BITCHES!” I’ve played a ton of SNES games in the past quarter century. There are some bad games in that lot, for sure, but Battletoads in Battlemaniacs was the last game I expected to be this disappointing. Not sure if I would have liked it more back in 1993 (perhaps it’s aged very poorly), but this game is frustrating and broken. Not my idea of a good time or a game anywhere near deserving of a 99% or a 9 out of 10 score. If you like it, more power to ya. But this goes down as one of the most botched NES to SNES efforts I have ever seen. Oh well. Can’t win ‘em all. At least Battletoads & Double Dragon was somewhat playable and enjoyable…

Graphics: 8
Sound: 8
Gameplay: 4
Longevity: 4

Overall: 4.0

The Mask (SNES)

Pub and Dev: Black Pearl | Oct. '95 | 16 MEGS — **Pub + Dev: Black Pearl Software | Oct. ’95 | 16 MEGS**

It’s almost been 22 years since Jim Carrey’s The Mask hit theaters. It’s hard to believe it’s been that long. So many people remember the movie, but how many people remember the video game? Coming out toward the back end of the Super Nintendo’s life span, it came and went with little to zero fanfare. Is it a classic case of a game that has been wrongly overlooked, or is it an exhibit of a licensed effort that just isn’t very good? Let’s take a look and unmask the mystery [You’re fired -Ed.]

“SOMEBODY STOP ME!”

Jim Carrey could do no wrong in 1994 — Jim Carrey simply could do no wrong in 1994

In 1994, Michael Jordan went to play baseball, Bill Clinton was accused of sexual harassment, and OJ Simpson killed his ex-wife and Ronald Goldman before taking off in a white Bronco down 91 Freeway [So not going there -Ed.]. And nobody could stop Jim Carrey. It was in ’94 that Carrey became a star with films such as Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, Dumb and Dumber, and THE MASK. He was Hollywood’s NEW golden boy, and the world was his oyster. Carrey’s 3 films grossed more than a total of 700 million worldwide. Most actors could only dream of half that success over an entire career, let alone one year! Of those films, The Mask is my favorite. Its wacky, over-the-top hero was perfectly portrayed and produced. And no one else could have brought the Mask character to life quite like Jim Carrey. My old gaming crew and I went to see the film in theaters on Saturday, July 30, 1994. I remember that fateful Saturday afternoon well. After all, when you’re 10, there’s nothing quite like seeing summer blockbusters with your best pals. It’s a childhood necessity as sure as riding roller coasters and navigating haunted houses.

When you were a kid, the words movie magic really meant something. There was a certain aura about going to the movies as a young child that can’t be replicated. You got swept up in the whole process. Of hopping into the old family van, staring at the movie titles gleaming on the marquee, gawking at the larger-than-life movie posters as you sidle over to the popcorn and candy section. Finally, entering the theater and seeing that humongous silver screen (remember how big it seemed when you were a kid?), and red plush seats that seemed to stretch on for miles and miles. It was all part of the magic of going to the movies.

Game is surprisingly faithful to the film

A bit of interesting trivia: in the original comics, the Mask was created by an African tribe. But in the movie, it was made by Loki, the Norse God of mischief.

Jim Carrey plays mild-mannered bank clerk, Stanley Ipkiss — Jim plays mild-mannered bank clerk, Stanley Ipkiss

The film debut of Cameron Diaz (whew...) — The film debut of Cameron Diaz (whew…)

Every straight male's reaction — Every straight male’s reaction

I had a huge crush on the Pink Ranger BUT THIS... — I had a huge crush on the Pink Ranger BUT THIS…

Now that's what you call a bombshell. I was in love — Now that’s what you call a bombshell. I was in love

Tina Carlyle, you make my heart sing... — Tina Carlyle, you make my heart sing…

I was shakin' as much as Stanley was! — I was shaking as much as Stanley was!

Down on his luck, he's about make a grand discovery — Down on his luck, he’s set to make a big discovery

Many people live behind masks. Stanley literally — Many people live behind masks. Stanley, literally

It's no Jurassic Park but its CGI impressed me — It’s no Jurassic Park but its CGI impressed me

Hey this reminds me of something... — Hey this reminds me of something…

Goosebumps = the Harry Potter of the mid '90s — *Goosebumps* = the *Harry Potter* of the mid ’90s

Stanley turns into the Haunted Mask. Wait, no, sorry, that was Carly Beth. But true story, when I first saw the previews for the Mask, I thought it was a rip-off of R.L. Stine’s Haunted Mask. Little did I know then that the Mask started out as a comic book originally. If anything, Mr. Stine drew inspiration from the comic. Nevertheless, I LOVED me some Goosebumps back in the day!

As a kid the TV show gave me the heebie-jeebies

Nor did Stanley turn into this. The '80s rocked — Nor did Stanley turn into this. The ’80s rocked

MAPQUEST

Make your way through Edge City's 7 levels — Make your way through Edge City’s 7 levels

LEVEL 1: STANLEY’S APARTMENT

And it’s been recreated perfectly here. Smash weak floors to open up new areas.

Or use it to crush things. It's equally satisfying — Or use it to crush things. It’s equally satisfying

How shall I approach this? Hmm... — How shall I approach this? Hmm…

Does this look like a face you can trust?

OK… soooo… that didn’t work out too well. Hmm, let’s try a different strategy…

Brings back memories of DON'T WAKE DADDY! — Brings back memories of DON’T WAKE DADDY!

Low health? Don't wanna fight? Then tip-toe! — Low health? Don’t wanna fight? Then tip-toe!

The Mask has many special abilities. He can morph into a raging tornado, leap 20 feet in the air, or bust out his collection of firearms. The downside being that all of these special moves will quickly drain your Morph points. You’d do well to save them only for sticky situations. When faced against the regular bad guys throughout the game’s stages, you’ll most likely be punching them to oblivion. It doesn’t eat away at your Morph points, and it’s serviceable enough on the lower tier enemies. I wouldn’t dare suggest punching against the bosses though! The enemies as you can see here look a bit strange, and the animation is awkward.

[Yes, we all do. We ALL do... *looks at Steve* -Ed.] — *[Yes, we all do. We ALL do… *looks at Steve* -Ed.]*

Now to get around, besides breaking certain sections of the floor to create new playing space, you also move about through the usage of elevators and various teleport warps, like vents. The type of teleport depends on the stage’s theme. In the forest for example, you can teleport through the hollows in the trees.

I like the warping aspect. It puts a twist on things; this is definitely not your typical hop ‘n bop licensed platformer. Teleport points give the levels a decent maze-like feel. If nothing else, bonus points for attempting to be different.

You have 500 points for your health and Morph magic. Collect hearts to regain vitality. Collect M’s scattered throughout to boost back up your Morph points. Different special moves eat up a certain amount of points. Guns cost you 100, f’rinstance. Once you hit 0, it slowly replenishes to 50, similar to Earthworm Jim (Jim’s ammo crawls back to 100 after hitting 0). Nice of them to throw us a bone.

The game exaggerates this look even further

Cranky Shotgun Lady from the movie is the first boss — Cranky Shotgun Lady from the movie

They even capture his alien-like free fall look

LEVEL 2: THE MEAN STREETS OF EDGE CITY

[You might want to double check those lyrics... -Ed.] — *[You might want to double check those lyrics… -Ed.]*

What's in the bag there? Ever seen AUDITION... — What’s in the bag there? Ever seen *AUDITION*…

Look, it's Milo the Wonder Dog! — Look, it’s Milo the Wonder Dog!

It definitely doesn't look like your typical SNES game — It definitely doesn’t look like a typical SNES game

LEVEL 3: THE MEAN STREETS IN ANOTHER PART OF TOWN

It looks more like a Genesis game than SNES

LEVEL 4: PARK PLACE

It's nice to see GODZILLA making a special cameo! — Nice seeing GODZILLA make a special cameo!

See you later this month (SHIN GOJIRA 7.29.16) — See you later this month (*SHIN GOJIRA* 7.29.16)

Controversy reared its ugly head when Jim Carrey chose not to promote his role in the film Kick-Ass 2. With the recent Sandy Hook tragedy, Carrey felt the film was TOO violent and refused to promote it. It stirred some rumblings among his fellow cast members who had varying opinions on Carrey’s sudden change of heart. The movie certainly wasn’t too violent when he was getting paid big bucks for his role in the film. Needless to say, Carrey isn’t remembered for this particular masked role…

Film authenticity FTW. Well done, Black Pearl

LEVEL 5: JAILHOUSE ROCK

Electric grids must first be turned off by hitting a switch. Some of the switches are readily visible next to a grid while others are placed a ways away. In such cases, you have to hightail it. The switch is effective only for a short time. This requires precision and no wasted movement on your part.

Really, pal? Well... THAT'S WHAT THEY ALL SAY! — Really, pal? Well… THAT’S WHAT THEY ALL SAY!

It eats up your Morph points in a hurry, though — It eats up your Morph points fast, though

We all know how this one ends for Bobby but Bobby — We all know how this ends for Bobby but Bobby

LEVEL 6: SUCKY SEWERS

This level is not very fun. In fact, it’s kind of a pain. Multiple warp points during the long free falls will drive you mad, for instance. You know it’s bad when the game developers didn’t include a boss on this level — they knew just finding the exit was hard enough in and of itself. That’s really all you need to know…

LEVEL 7: CLUB COCO BONGO

Just like the film, the last fight takes place here

Trying to squeeze into the vent can be maddening — Trying to squeeze into that vent can be annoying

Warp points gave the game a bit of a fun maze-like feel — Warp points gives it a bit of a fun maze-like feel

1994's most overused line. Thanks, MASK — 1994’s most overused line. Thanks, *MASK*

"SPEAK OF THE DEVIL!" — *“SPEAK OF THE DEVIL!”*

“STANLEY! I knew you would come save me!”

“S-S-S-S-SMOKIN’!”

“Yeah, alright, I know. Now quick, untie me!”

“I’m getting some funky ideas here, Tina…”

“WE CAN DO THAT LATER! But if Dorian –“

CODEBREAKER

Game a little too hard for your liking? Wished you had infinite lives, health or morphing powers? Desire to skip stages? With this simple cheat, you can do all of that. SMOKIN’!

WHAT THE CRITICS SAID

On his way to the top, Carrey collected fat stacks — Jim Carrey struck gold in 1994

The video game flew under the radar. EGM gave it scores of 6.5, 6.5, 6.5 and 7.5. The movie, however, was very well received. In 1994, The Mask became the second highest grossing superhero movie since BATMAN. Although it’s been outdone since ’94, The Mask remains a fan favorite among movie goers both young and old alike. Made on a budget of 23 million, it went on to gross more than 350 million worldwide. Siskel and Ebert gave it two thumbs up and listed it on their “Best of 1994″ list. That was a big year for Jim Carrey, as he starred in 3 films: Ace Ventura, Dumb and Dumber, and The Mask. But it was the latter that did the best both commercially and critically. The Mask launched Jim Carrey into superstardom, sending him through the stratosphere as a major Hollywood player. Along the way he collected a lot of big bucks. The Mask also launched previously unknown Cameron Diaz into a leading lady of the silver screen. She went on to have a huge film career for the next 20 years. Not bad, eh?

"YOU LOVE ME! YOU REALLY LOVE ME!" — *“YOU LOVE ME! YOU REALLY LOVE ME!”*

CLOSING THOUGHTS

The movie: SMOKIN'! The SNES game: SO-SO! — The movie: SMOKIN’! The SNES game: SO-SO!

The Mask does a nice job of replicating the feel of the film. Some licensed titles take a lot of liberty, but that isn’t the case here. Because of this, the video game has a silly comic book like feel. It comes off very authentic, and you feel like you’re really “being” the Mask character, with all of his unique reality bending abilities. This is a major plus. However, on the downside, you have the visuals, which for a game released in late ’95, isn’t even up to 1992 SNES standards. THE MASK looks great and animates well, but the enemies are fugly and animate with the grace of a cardboard. I wish they spent more time on these characters as they clearly did with the Mask. The sound captures that cartoon-ish aspect of the Mask’s world nicely. The music is not anything to write home about.

The game plays decently enough, with some levels being executed better than others. It’s nice they tried something different other than the standard hop and bop that so many licensed games seemingly turn to. The Mask comes off as a weird hybrid of a beat ‘em up and an action platformer. The boss battles are limited, though, due to the IMMENSE size of the characters in the game. It doesn’t leave a lot of room for actual gameplay skills. It’s truly then just a matter of standing back and firing off all your special attacks until your Morph points hit 0. Using his boxing gloves is tough since he’s such a big target, plus the bosses have long ranged attacks. Thus, the boss battles are largely unsatisfying, and that’s a shame because some of the levels themselves can provide for a mindless hour of mild entertainment, with various warp points and being able to live out the Mask’s larger than life, over-the-top shenanigans. He’s a fun and charismatic creature to control. You could do far worse than The Mask as far as games on the Super Nintendo go, but there’s plenty better out there. All in all, this game is pretty much middle of the road. I wouldn’t go out of my way to actively look for a copy but if you come across it for 5 bucks or less, it’s not a bad add to your SNES collection… especially if you liked the film 20+ years ago.

Graphics: 5
Sound: 6
Gameplay: 5.5
Longevity: 5

Overall: 5.5

I WISH YOU WOULD STEP BACK…

I wish you would step back from that ledge my friend.
You could cut ties with all the lies that you’ve been living in
And if you do not want to SEE ME AGAIN,
I would understand.

The angry boy, a bit TOO insane.
Icin’ over a secret pain.
You know you don’t belong.
You’re the first to fight; you’re way too loud.
You’re the flash of light on a burial shroud.
I know something’s wrong.
Well everyone I know has got a reason… to say,
PUT THE PAST AWAY.
I wish you would step back from that ledge my friend…
You could… cut ties with all the lies that you’ve been living in.
And if you do not want to SEE ME AGAIN…

[Wait just a damn second here. I saw this scene in a game before… -Ed.]

The Tale of the Lonely Ghost

There’s nothing like a good old fashioned ghost story on a cool summer night. It’s a time-honored tradition to tell spooky ghost tales by the campfire — macabre stories of things that go bump in the night. It takes us right back to our childhood. Be it Bloody Mary or vengeful spirits, a great scary story is sure to leave a mark… hopefully only figuratively and not literally…

Asked to link my ample fascination with anything supernatural, I can trace it back to one man: Uncle Jimmy. Back in the late ’80s and early ’90s when he lived with us, he was full of energy and full of life. On many weekend nights we camped out in our backyard. Uncle Jimmy pulled out three lawn chairs that folded out like makeshift beds. Along with my brother Kevin, the three of us would lay back and take in the nice warm summer night air, admiring the stars blinking in the night sky. Uncle Jimmy wove grandiose tales ranging from random anecdotes, fables, and my personal fave, his infamous stories of the supernatural. No one told ghost stories quite like Uncle Jimmy. Hey we’re talking about the same guy here who introduced me to John Carpenter’s HALLOWEEN when I was only six years old! For at least a solid hour, if not two, we hung onto every last word that came out of his mouth. You can never get those serene and idyllic summer nights back, no matter how much you want to…

My bro and I were haunted by an old witch in our dreams — My bro and I were haunted by a hag in our dreams

Uncle Jimmy’s twisted ghost tales never ceased to scare the heebie jeebies out of me. Long before creepy ladies with long flowing hair became a staple in the horror movie genre, Uncle Jimmy was king of that domain. Almost all of his stories featured a creepy lady. It’s no wonder one of my recurring nightmares as a young child involved a decrepit old woman always stalking me. The scary thing — my brother had the same nightmares of the very same hag. Sometimes I woke up in the middle of the night drenched in sweat — the nightmare always ending right as the old lady had my arm in a vice-like grip. I turned on the light, only to find a mark on my arm. (Of course, I slept on my arm, but I was too young to know any better). You would think I’d tell Uncle Jimmy to stop telling us his spooky stories, but it was an addiction. Eventually, the old lady disappeared from my nightmares for good. I guess I was finally able to beat the beast. My brother and I randomly talk about the old lady in our nightmares once in a blue moon to this day. The description of her and the scenarios we found ourselves in in the nightmares always frighteningly mirrored each other. Freddy Krueger? Please. Freddy can’t hold a candle to the hag that often haunted the nightmares of my youth. Hmmm, come to think of it, she was a lot like the creepy old woman from Insidious 2. I’m getting goosebumps now, so let us move on…

One of the most classic shows of my childhood

Imagine my sheer joy when Are You Afraid of the Dark? debuted on Nickelodeon on a summer night of 1992. Uncle Jimmy moved out in the Spring of ’92, so I was missing my weekly supernatural supplement. This show did more than well to fill that void. In fact, and don’t tell my dear ole uncle Jimmy this, between you and me, at times it was even better. Sure, it’s fun to use your imagination to form pictures in your head as a storyteller weaves his or her tale, but you know, sometimes, you just can’t beat the effectiveness of picture and sound. Are You Afraid of the Dark? became a hit show among young viewers. It became an instant hit cult classic overnight in my small little town. Everyone was raving about it, and anyone who was anyone watched it religiously. Yes folks, before Nickelodeon became crap, it was once legendary. And shows like Are You Afraid of the Dark? were among the main reasons why.

The show's intro haunts me to this day — The show’s intro haunts me to this day

You remember the unsettling intro, don’t cha? The swish-swoosh of a single abandoned rowboat against a soft eerie glow… with that infamous theme creeping into your living room…

The spooky swaying of the empty swing set... — The spooky swaying of an empty swing set…

A loose shutter banging loudly against an upstairs window... — A loose shutter banging loudly…

... and the creepy evil grin of a dummy in the attic — … and the creepy evil grin of a dummy in the attic

"I JUST VANT TO BE FRIENDS!" — *“I JUST VANT TO BE FRIENDS!”*

Oh yeah, the show spooked more than just a few kids. And that’s why we loved it so much. For a kid show, they sure could have fooled us! Many a sleepless nights came courtesy of this little gem of a show. Each week there was a new half hour spooky episode to sink your teeth into. From phantoms to Nosferatu, the show did not discriminate against any vengeful spirit of the occult family.

I’m not ashamed to admit that on more than one occasion, the show absolutely scared the crap out of me. For a kid show, some of the visuals, like that screaming girl being swallowed underneath her bed, sent unspeakable shivers down your spine and left a lasting image in your head. I still remember to this day my bro and I screaming when this floating specter appeared in the window. That night we slept in our parents’ room! No shame at all, hey, we were kids!

As a kid I always wanted to join the Midnight Society — As a kid I always wanted to join the *Midnight Society*

And the show could have just been simple ghost stories each week but no. It was more than that. It featured a cast of young teenagers (teenagers you could find on any block in America) who met up once a week in an undisclosed location deep in the woods to swap ghostly tales by the crackling of a campfire. They were called the Midnight Society, and each week a different member shared their story. Amazingly, for the little air time they received, each character managed to carve out a distinguishable personality for viewers to pick their favorites. They even had story themes that were somewhat unique to their style. There was your tall and tough guy, the geeky ring leader that was the “glue” of the group, the tomboy, the “princess” girl, and so on.

It was a simple, effective set up each week

I love the way they opened up each episode, talking up their story dramatically before fading to the really good stuff. There were even subplots to the Midnight Society characters; crushes and pseudo rivalries, just like any dynamic you would find with any group of teenagers. The show made you feel like you were sitting by the campfire as well. It just had a personable touch to it that grabbed you and didn’t let go — even long after it went off the air. Tonight, I’m proud to bring you one of my favorite episodes from the Dark vault. It’s the third episode, originally aired on August 29, 1992… it’s called… The Tale of the Lonely Ghost.

Enjoy

“AHHH!”

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you.”

“DAVID! Don’t do that!”

“Sorry, I just wanted to catch you before the meeting… to uh, UH –“

“To what?”

“Happy Birthday.”

“David, how did you know my birthday’s next week? I don’t know what to say — thank you. Um, we’re late, I’ll open it after the meeting OK?”

“OK.”

“JERK! I could have choked!”

“Go ahead, take your best shot.”

“Come on guys, lighten up.”

“Sorry I’m late.”

"Start fast, the natives are restless" — *“Start fast, the natives are restless”*

“My story’s got to do with… two kids… who don’t get along, because they’re so different from each other. And a love… that is SO strong, it can survive anything… even DEATH.”

“Submitted for the approval of the Midnight Society, I call this story…”

It was the beginning of summer vacation, and every kid in town was psyched. Every kid, except Amanda Cameron that is.

Her mom and dad were some kind of scientists, who had to travel up north to study Inuit stone carvings. So, Amanda was shipped off to her Aunt Dottie’s place for the summer.

“We’re here, everybody out!”

“Oh shoot. Sweetie, what in the world did your mother put in here?”

“Books.”

“Books? Feels like you’ve got a whole set of encyclopedias!”

“Beth! Beth lovely! Your cousin Amanda is here! Could you give us a hand?”

“She must be on the phone again. We’ll just do this ourselves.”

Unfortunately for Amanda, spending a whole summer with Cousin Beth was going to be even LESS fun than staring at a bunch of old rocks with her mom and dad for two months.

“What was that?!”

“What was what?”

“That banging, coming from OVER THERE!”

“Ohhh, not that place sweetie, no one’s been in there for years. I should know, I’m the real estate agent. I can’t even get people to look at the place. I just wish it would…”

“Sometimes I think this house just doesn’t want to be SOLD! Come on, let’s get you inside and unpacked.”

“You should see what she’s wearing. My mom better not expect me to babysit that dweeb all summer.”

*knock knock*

“She’s here, I gotta go.”

“Look who’s here, honey. Come on in Mandy.”

“Hi Beth.”

“You’ll be sharing Beth’s room so the two of you can stay up all night giggling and talking. This is where Nanny used to sleep when Beth was little. Well, I’ll leave you two alone to get reacquainted. Have fun!”

*Aunt Dottie leaves*

“I suppose she told you we’re going to do all sorts of fun stuff together.”

“WROOONG! If you think I’m gonna hang with you all summer, yer NUTS.”

“I don’t think she means for you to hang with JUST me; we could do stuff with your friends.”

TotLG36 — *“You don’t even know my friends”*

“They can get to know me.”

“Why? It’s not like just ANYONE can hang with us. You have to prove you’re not a zeeb.”

“How does one prove that they’re not a zeeb?”

“OK look, you wanna hang with us? You gotta follow the rules.”

“What rules?”

“OK, first off, I don’t even wanna know that you’re here. That means putting all of my animal collection back every day in the exact right places. IN FACT, I don’t feel like having my room look like a disaster all day, SO DO IT NOW. And you can’t go crying to mom or Nanny EVER, no matter what happens. Got it?”

“Fine, I’ll put every thing back in the right order every day and I won’t snitch. Easy!”

TotLG39 — *“Then there’s the most important thing…”*

“What’s that?”

“The initiation.”

“Initiation?”

“OH YEAH. Anyone who wants to hang out with us… has to spend the night alone… in the place next door… it’s HAUNTED.”

“Dear Mom and Dad, I hope you’re having a good time. I am, too.”

"You must be Amanda..." — *“You must be Amanda…”*

“NOOOO! If you touch her contaminated wrinkly old hand I’ll never let you touch my things again!”

*creepy frenetic music as Nanny scurries away*

"DON'T YOU EVER TALK TO HER!" — *“DON’T YOU EVER TALK TO HER!”*

“Who is she?”

“My nanny, and I want her gone!”

“Why?”

“Because I’m TOO old for a nanny, and she’s SO weird — I hate how she’s ALWAYS watching me!”

"She seems kind of sad to me..." — *“She seems kind of sad to me…”*

“She’s crazy, REALLY crazy. I know for a fact there’s something funny with her and the haunted place next door. I heard my parents talking once. I think she must have been driven insane by the ghost… which reminds me, there’s a pool party at Sally’s on Saturday, I suppose you wanna come.”

“Don’t get too excited, you can’t come unless you go through the initiation.”

“The night in the haunted house?”

TotLG56 — *“You got it. Tomorrow night. **Pleasant dreams**“*

"You dropped this" — *“You dropped this”*

“Is that Beth’s laundry?”

“Oh that’s OK, it won’t take me long.”

“Don’t worry, I won’t tell anyone.”

“SHE’S SO WEIRD, and I’m too old for a nanny. Why doesn’t she just leave?“

“I’m not gonna argue. I told you before. She has nowhere to go, I wish she did but she doesn’t.”

“There you are honey! Sleeping in? Now Beth, I don’t want to hear any more rudeness. See you girls later.”

*Aunt Dottie exits*

“I’m going roller skating. DON’T TOUCH MY STUFF… oh, and don’t forget… tonight’s the night.”

*fade to commercial*

Time for a quick word from our sponsors…

"Why does everyone think it's haunted anyway?" — *“Why does everyone think it’s haunted anyway?”*

“They DON’T THINK it’s haunted, they KNOW it’s haunted… and this is why. A long long time ago, there was a little girl who lived there. All the kids made fun of her, because she couldn’t talk.”

“Why couldn’t she talk?”

“… I dunno. She just… couldn’t.”

“Maybe she was deaf?”

“It doesn’t matter, JUST LISTEN!”

“Sorry.”

“Anyway, one day… her mom got a letter… from her dad… who was away in the war… had gotten sick. So she sent the little girl to go stay with her grandmother while she went away to take care of him. Only the little girl didn’t make it to her grandmother’s… because on the way, some mean kids surrounded her, and teased her.”

“She ran back home to get away from them, and they followed her… followed her RIGHT into her very own home. They locked the little girl in her bedroom…”

“What happened?”

“No one knew she was there. Her mother didn’t come back for weeks, and her grandmother didn’t even know she was coming. When they found her, she was DEAD.”

"And that's where you have to go: her BEDROOM" — *“And that’s where you have to go. Her BEDROOM”*

"We'll know you're in there by the light, from this" — *“We’ll know you’re in there by the light, from this”*

"The keys to the front door" — *“The keys to the front door”*

“Won’t Aunt Dottie miss them?”

“No way… no one ever calls to see the place… it’s just… TOO scary…”

*Amanda hesitates*

“You… COULD turn chicken… if you rather spend the whole summer alone… reading.”

“No… I’m going in. I don’t believe in ghosts anyway.”

“Neither did we… until we spent the night in there…”

“What a dweeb! She really thinks we all did this!”

*The girls run off giggling*

"Very funny y-you guys..." — *“Very funny y-you guys…”*

“I know that’s just you t-trying to s-scare me…”

"It's backwards.... HELP ME??" — *“It’s backwards…. HELP ME??”*

***Amanda takes off running and screaming***

"Where did Beth go?" — *“Where did Beth go?”*

“Beth went to Sally’s for the whole night. Aunt Dottie was working late.”

"That means Amanda was home alone with Nanny..." — *“That means Amanda was home alone with Nanny…”*

“She should have stayed with the ghost. Now she’s alone with a LUNATIC.”

“Nanny isn’t a lunatic. Beth just told Amanda that to scare her, but you PROBABLY didn’t get that… did you?”

“Guys, come on. So what happened, Dave?”

“When Aunt Dottie came home, Amanda told her everything that happened.”

“I’m VERY disappointed in you girls. I don’t know who did the writing on the wall.”

“I didn’t.”

“And I don’t want to know. You two girls are gonna go over there and scrub it off before I get back.”

“Will you come with us?”

“I will not. I have two open houses today and also a closing at six. If you two girls went over there last night then surely you can go over there now.”

"Aunt Dottie, there's a ghost living there..." — *“Aunt Dottie, there’s a ghost living there…”*

“Oh PLEASE! You can do better than that. Now come on, let’s go.”

*The girls head next door*

“This is ALL YOUR FAULT. You’re such a chicken!”

“I’m not, and I don’t want to be in your lame ole group any more.”

"Good, I WASN'T GONNA LET YOU ANYWAY" — *“Good, I WASN’T GONNA LET YOU ANYWAY!”*

“And you’re a snitch too. You’re a chicken AND a snitch. I COULDN’T STAND BEING YOU.”

*Amanda hesitates to go upstairs*

“Gimme a break! It’s not even dark. You CAN’T be scared now!”

“One thing’s for sure, I’m never inviting you to do anything with my friends ever again… HELL-LOOOO?!“

“… Wow, no wonder mom was so mad. You did this just to get me in trouble didn’t you?”

“I didn’t do it… it wasn’t like this last night…”

“Yeah right! Well if you think I’m gonna clean up the mess that YOU made…”

"Beth! Come on, let's go!" — *“Beth! Come on, let’s go!”*

“Woooow, look at all the dolls and stuffed animals. What an AWESOME collection, it’s even bigger than mine…”

"OH MY GOD OPEN THE DOOR! LET ME OUT!" — *“OH MY GOD OPEN THE DOOR! LET ME OUT!”*

"LEAVE ME ALONE! LEAVE ME ALONE!" — *“LEAVE ME ALONE! LEAVE ME ALONE!”*

"Who are you? ... Wait a second... it's Nanny!" — *“Who are you? … Wait a second… it’s Nanny!”*

"... Your... your MOTHER? Nanny's your mother?" — *“… Your… your MOTHER? Nanny’s your mother?”*

“Help me? Help you? I- I can help you, yes, please open the door and I can help you. I’ll get her, I will.”

*door creeps open*

“Thank you… I’ll get her.”

“NO DON’T GO AMANDA! HELP ME! I’M STUCK IN THE MIRROR! AMANDA CAN’T YOU SEE ME?!?! HOW AM I GONNA GET OUTTA HERE!?! AMANDAAAAA!”

"Nanny! Where are you?!" — *“Nanny! Where are you?!”*

"NANNY!? Oh no, Nanny no! NOOO!" — *“NANNY!? Oh no, Nanny no! NOOO!”*

“NANNY WAIT! Please don’t go! You have to come with me!”

“What? What are you saying?”

“Over there, come on!”

“No, I’m not going THERE, too many bad memories. You girls can go play your jokes on someone else.”

“No it’s not a joke, please!”

“No, I’m leaving. I’m not wanted here anymore.”

“YES YOU ARE!”

"Wh-where did you get this?" — *“Wh-where did you get this?”*

"No, nooooo, no! I can't! It's too hard!" — *“No, nooooo, no! I can’t! It’s too hard!”*

“My baby! My poor baby… I didn’t know you were here, all this time. Nothing bad will ever happen to you again.”

*points to mirror*

“Yes, yes! I’ll go with you!”

"Amanda help me! I'm stuck in the mirror!" — *“Amanda, help me! I’m stuck in the mirror!”*

*Beth’s friends enter room*

“Amanda, where’s Beth? Your aunt said that you guys were both over here.”

"Please Amanda, help me!" — *“Please Amanda, help me!”*

“Are you gonna stop bossing me around?”

“Yes!”

“Are you gonna stop bossing your friends around?”

“Yes!”

“Well, OK, I’ll let you out.”

*opens door, Beth tumbles out*

“You know Beth, I think we’re gonna have to make some changes in this group…”

*Beth’s friends giggle*

"So what happened with Amanda and Beth?" — *“So what happened with Amanda and Beth?”*

“Amanda had a great summer. She even let Beth hang with the group.”

“Good story, Dave. I now declare this meeting of the Midnight Society closed. Until next week, everyone.”

"C'mon zeeb. I'll buy you a soda to cool you off" — *“C’mon zeeb. I’ll buy you a soda to cool you off”*

“Ow ow ow OW.”

“Yeah?”

“Aren’t you going to — ?”

“Oh the present! Oh I’m sorry Dave, your story was so good.”

“That’s OK.”

"A locket like in your story!" — *“A locket like in your story!”*

“You like it?”

“I love it, it’s beautiful but… you shouldn’t have gotten this.”

"What do you think?" — *“What do you think?”*

“Perfect… I knew it would be.”

"I'll think of you every time I wear it... forever" — *“I’ll think of you every time I wear it… forever”*

EPILOGUE

The Lonely Ghost episode epitomizes what the show was all about: spooks and thrills, yes, but also with plenty of heart. Are You Afraid of the Dark? was a small but special ingredient during my childhood years. Every week I joined in at the campfire and it made me feel like Uncle Jimmy never left. The haunting images and stories from the show resonates with a part of my being. They are forever etched in my memory bank.

The old lady in my recurring nightmares as a lad actually looks a lot like Nanny does here. That whole scene gave me the chills! I remember when I first saw this episode in ’92, I thought,“It’s the old lady from my nightmares!” However, Nanny proved to be harmless… and I don’t know if that had any lingering subconscious effects on me or not, but soon thereafter I stopped having those recurring nightmares of the hag stalking me everywhere in the dream world. Then again, maybe it had to do more with the fact that Uncle Jimmy recently moved out and was no longer available to tell me ghost stories involving old, twisted, demented ladies. Nothing creeps me out quite like old ladies dressed in black with frizzy hair who meanders around in an unorthodox manner. Good work, Nanny. It was one of the best scenes from the Are You Afraid of the Dark? legacy! Well done, Sheena Larkin. I still get goosebumps whenever I think about that scene…

There are things from our childhood that we cherish and reminisce fondly upon. Sometimes, they don’t quite hold up. But Are Your Afraid of the Dark? definitely does, and I hope to one day share this classic series with my own children. I have so many fond memories of watching this show at night with my brother over 20 years ago. The show was well written and executed and still holds up to this day.

WHERE ARE THEY NOW?

Now 37, Laura is still involved in the acting world. She is also an instructor at Biz Studio where she teaches kids and teens about TV acting. Looking good, Laura! And way to give back to the youth

Her mean cousin Beth, played by Laura Levin, is now a professor of theatre and performance arts, where she passes the joy of acting to a new generation. In 2005, Laura Levin was named one of 200 “everyday heroes” who had enriched undergraduates’ lives. The theatre professor was completing her doctoral studies at the time and had taught courses in acting and performance and directed several undergraduate student theatre productions.

“Laura Levin is really the best thing that has happened to me in my college career,” said the anonymous student who singled out Levin on the undergraduate experience survey. “As cliché as it sounds, she believes in me,” wrote Levin’s admirer. “That is honestly what every student needs. They need primarily to believe in themselves and their abilities. But, to also have someone who will fight with you just to affirm that they believe in you, can be enough to inspire a student to move forward.”

“It meant a lot to me to read this student comment,” said Levin, who received news of her citation near the end of her first teaching term. “In the midst of end-of-first-year-junior-professor-exhaustion, it’s nice to know that my teaching can make a difference.”

It’s always lovely to see people from your childhood, whether you knew them personally or not, doing well in the game of life.

As for Nanny and the Ghost, to this day still they reside happily together in the mirror.

The Adventures of Hourai High (SNES)

Pub: J-Wing | Dev: Dynamite | April '96 | 8 MEGS — **Pub: J-Wing | Dev: Dynamite | April ’96 | 8 MEGS**

I fell in love with EarthBound after playing it for the first time back in November 2012. It was one of the best RPGs that I ever played. Wanting more, I searched online for similar titles. To my pleasant surprise, I discovered there was one on the SNES called The Adventures of Hourai High. It’s an obscure Japanese only RPG that can best be described as a mix of EarthBound and Final Fantasy V. Say no more. Take my money! Thankfully, the game’s dialogue has long since been fan translated from Japanese to English. Thanks to the effort of these good men, Westerners can now enjoy a visit to the wacky and nutty Hourai High School…

20 YEAR REUNION

Earthbound fans will appreciate Hourai High's humor — *EarthBound* fans will appreciate *Hourai High*‘s humor

Just yesterday the Nintendo 64 and Mario 64 celebrated 20 years since both were first released in Japan. Dude, that just blows my mind. Where does the time go? Speaking of 20th Anniversaries, a couple months ago The Adventures of Hourai High turned 20 years old itself. I guess them crazy cats had their 20 year class reunion somewhere in Japan. Thinking about that makes me reminisce about my high school years. I just crossed the 15 year mark myself. Damn I’m getting old…

Its Final Fantasy V job system lets you join various clubs — Its *Final Fantasy V* job system lets you join many clubs

MEMORIES OF SENIOR YEAR

Ah, high school -- the formative years of our youth — Ah, high school — the formative years of our youth

Who doesn’t remember high school? From getting your driver’s license, your first job, or perhaps even your first girlfriend [or boyfriend -Ed.], those were the days of our youth. We formed friendships and learned life lessons. We also learned a little bit more about who we were going to be. Senior Prom, Grad Night, crappy group projects, the Senior Prank, cliques, clubs, crushes, awful school lunches, crappy teachers, cool teachers, and a whole lot of posturing to be cool and hip, especially with the “in-crowd.” High school now feels like ancient history to me, and while I feel college was a lot more important, it’s impossible to deny that high school has its place too. I was sort of a regular kid in high school. I wasn’t part of the “cool kids” group, but I wasn’t one of the dweebs that got bullied, either. I was good old Steve, the nice guy the girls liked (as their friend only, of course) and I hung out with other regular Joes who were right in the middle of the pecking order, so to speak. We had a good time, forged some good memories but when all was said and done, we sailed out into the sunset, never looking back sans the odd nostalgic moment here and there.

I'll never forget Judy -- my biggest high school crush — I’ll never forget Judy — my biggest high school crush

In terms of pecking order, I hit my peak during senior year. I started branching out from my friends, taking classes that interested me (such as creative writing and acting) which helped to develop my confidence. I also landed my first job at the local Blockbuster, and my employee perk of being able to get 5 free movies a week suddenly made little ole me a man in demand. Many nights I would see a lot of my cute senior classmates stroll in and I would take advantage of the opportunity by chatting with them as I rung them up. My biggest crush was easily Judy. She was the prom queen of our school. The girl was smoking hot. I always felt like we shared a great rapport. Somehow Lady Luck had it that we sat next to each other in a couple classes. I’d call Judy many nights to exchange class notes before talking about random topics for a little bit. This was back in the day when cell phones had yet to explode in popularity, so I had Judy’s house number. I wanted her email so I could directly connect with her — sometimes it felt a little awkward to have to talk to her mom or dad first. Unfortunately she was dating a jock at the time and so I was left daydreaming.

Steph was cool but jeez, I was quite the homework helper — Steph was cool. Hope she’s well wherever she is

Yearbooks were passed out the week of our Graduation. I remember that last week of my senior year fondly. Passing yearbooks around, signing them for your buddies and everyone feeling excited about the future. Many felt as though we had the world at the tip of our fingers. That youthful optimism that only comes when you’re 17 almost ready to graduate and head off to college. I had never told Judy how much I enjoyed our friendship. I decided to tell her in my yearbook signing. We exchanged yearbooks at lunch and I went to work. I hoped she’d somehow include her email in my yearbook. Finally, we exchanged again and I walked home anxious to read what she had wrote. I’ll never forget the feeling of butterflies soaring in the pit of my stomach when I cracked my yearbook open to read what Judy had written. Was she going to pour out her soul to me as well?

I never felt so high and light in my life before. My biggest high school crush read my mind. She not only gave me her email address but asked me to hang out with her as well. Life was good. Thanks for the memories, Judy.

TIMEWALK TRIBUTE

I was lucky to buy these two just months before Timewalk folded — Their work was high quality indeed

Timewalk was a famous little fan company within the retro gaming community. They once sold beautiful repro games and some of them even had gorgeous boxes and manuals. Before they closed shop in early 2014 I was fortunate enough to buy the boxes and manuals of Gunman’s Proof and The Adventures of Hourai High. Man I’m glad I did. I always meant to buy more of their SNES box/manual sets but sadly never got around to it before they unexpectedly closed. Timewalk boxes nowadays go for a pretty penny as they’re now officially a limited quantity.

This "diary" manual was a bit... creepy — This diary manual was a bit… creepy

Timewalk’s products are amazing but the manual to Adventures of Hourai High deserves a special shout-out. Designed by member JM, this 44-page booklet was written in composition notebook form. It’s written from the perspective of the female protagonist. Recall that you can play as either a male or female. It makes sense that they chose to write the manual from a female perspective since high school girls are more prone to journaling. There are no how-to instructions in this diary. Instead, it’s a full-blown account of her times at Hourai High from the moment she arrives, April 1st, to nearly a year later on March 25th. The entries are written from a 16 year old female’s point of view — all of the dairy entries are downright emo. It totally fits and I commend JM for the incredible effort. Even more impressive, JM used actual facts from the game that players will quickly pick up on. It sort of adds another layer to the whole experience.

That drawing reminds me of something... — That drawing reminds me of something…

There's even a touch of the occult at Hourai High. Heebie-jeebies! — There’s even a touch of the occult at Hourai High

THE WACKY STORY GOES…

Richard Vernon from the 1985 classic The Breakfast Club — Richard Vernon from *The Breakfast Club* (1985)

Here's a tip noob: Roku is the type to hold grudges — Here’s a tip: Roku is the type to hold grudges

[Hmm, I notice you do a lot of "research" -Ed.] — *[Hmm, I notice you do a lot of “research” -Ed.]*

The modern setting helps differentiate it from fantasy RPGs — The modern setting helps set it apart from most RPGs

He should be more upset about that stupid haircut!

It even apes EarthBound's font. A lovely touch indeed — It even apes *EarthBound*‘s font. A lovely touch indeed

Meet Daichi, your fellow comrade. At times a little TOO loyal — Meet your super loyal comrade, Daichi

And I shall call it... hmm, ah yes, WEIRD SCIENCE... — And I shall call it… hmm, ah yes, *WEIRD SCIENCE*…

Dude, we just escaped an infested sewer! — Dude, we just barely escaped an infested sewer!

UM NO, nope... I h-haven't s-seen a-any gh-ghosts around here... — *“Uh, I haven’t s-seen any gh-ghosts around here…”*

*[Lemme guess. Research again, right? -Ed.]*

You an carry guns and knives at Hourai High — You can carry guns and knives at Hourai High

I" said CRIPES. Jeez, just coz I'm black!" — *“I said CRIPES. Jeez, just coz I’m black…”*

Sure, why not. Robots at Hourai High too

Shin means new right? Good, coz you need a new haircut — Shin means new — good coz ya need a new haircut

The only SNES RPG to feature an African American

[Chihaya, you're not the first lady to say that... -Ed.] — *[You’re not the first lady to say that… -Ed.]*

So girls can go to boys' dorm but not vice versa? Oh it's Hinako — Hinako is that girl you love to hate

"We're tryin' to attract 'em, not scare 'em away!" — *“We’re tryin’ to attract ‘em, not scare ‘em away!”*

Poor Hinako. She's such a good sport... — Poor Hinako. She’s such a good sport…

*“Way to put me on the spot. Well, let’s see…”*

What other SNES RPG celebrates your birthday eh?

"Stop coming into my room. It was only ONE night Hinako!" — *“Quit barging in. It was only ONE night OK!”*

Wait, is that same bitch who threw you out?

Yeah, sometimes Daichi is TOO loyal... — Yeah, sometimes Daichi is TOO loyal…

Great idea! Let's split up. It always works in scary movies — Let’s split up. It always works in scary movies

Miss Adachi, your homeroom teacher, is quite the looker — Ms. Adachi, the homeroom teacher, is quite a looker

"Do you have a bridge I can buy too?" — *“Do you have a bridge I can buy too?”*

Whoa, some creepazoid be watching you sleep... — Whoa, some creepazoid watchin’ you sleep…

Save this unkempt savage and he'll join your team — Save this little savage and he’ll join the team

If you thought Mitsurin was odd, check out this guy! — Thought Mitsurin was odd? Check out this guy

He has a name and he also talks. OK... — He has a name and he also talks. OK…

Love the feeling of finding keys in an RPG

What evil lies behind this door? Play it to find out — What evil lies beyond? Play it to find out…

Remember how satisfying it was gliding down these ropes? — The jungle chapter reminded me of this

A case of deja vu — Talk about a case of deja vu

The jungle is probably my favorite chapter in the game. I love how Hourai High uses a modern backdrop, but throws in more exotic locales such as this wild jungle. It’s similar to what EarthBound did to keep the journey fresh as well as exciting. Here in the jungle you’ll encounter all sorts of untamed savages ready to devour your party whole. I enjoyed all chapters of Hourai High but I like the jungle one most because it captures what the FIELD TRIP FROM HELL would be like. Good times. Or rather, bad times? Ah you get my drift.

Its sense of humor is sure to make you smile

New amusingly strict rules are declared every so often — New amusingly strict rules are posted every so often

I know we bonded on that Africa trip, but come on! — *“I know we bonded on that Africa trip, but c’mon!”*

Roku ain't letting it go — Roku ain’t letting it go

Hourai126 — This robot reminds me of the one from *Breath of Fire*

Poor Daichi and his weak bladder. Kid is screwed

"Ah sorry! Sometimes I take things literally..." — *“Ah sorry! Sometimes I take things literally…”*

In terms of oddness, only EarthBound can rival it — In terms of oddness, only *EarthBound* can rival it

Quit laughing! Don't you see this isn't funny. It's sick! — *“Quit laughing! This isn’t funny — this is sick!”*

Hell yeah, Hourai High shows that you can stick it to the man! — Hell yeah, stick it to the man!

Alright let's all calm down now — *“Alright pal, let’s all calm down now…”*

Light-colored text reveals people's real thoughts — Light color text reveals people’s real thoughts

Ugh, you don't leave without getting an answer! — Ugh, you don’t leave without getting an answer!

There are many Santa workers; you have to suss out the right one — Imposters galore. But only one real Santa

I love how she loses her sanity more day by day, week by week... — Slowly losing her sanity day by day, week by week…

Secret of Mana (1993) — *Secret of Mana* (1993)

This is NOT how you treat a starfish! It is extremely unbecoming! — *“NOT cool. It’s extremely unbecoming!”*

What attending Hourai High for 6 months will do to ya — Yep, she’s lost it now

Ninjas... always ruining Christmas — Ninjas… always ruining Christmas

WHAT!?! No, he doesn't. I mean, no, we've never.... YOU KNOW! — *“WHAT!?! I have no recollection of this…”*

Each month (chapter) ends with an interesting newspaper article — Each month ends with a newspaper article

On second thought, being with you kids... make that any second! — *“Being with you kids… make that any second!”*

Who knows what strange beasts dwell in these deadly caves? — What strange beasts dwell in these deadly caves?

That's just... wrong — That’s just… wrong

Looks serious. Could be a revolt! [Or lunch -Ed.] — Looks serious. Could be a revolt! *[Or lunch -Ed.]*

"Uhhh guys... I have a bad feeling about this..." — *“Uhhh guys… I have a bad feeling about this…”*

Street Fighter II (1991) — *Street Fighter II* (1991)

Gamera vs. Zigra (1971) — *Gamera vs. Zigra* (1971)

Trilogy of Terror (1975) — *Trilogy of Terror* (1975)

The game's art style is loaded with character — The game’s art style is loaded with character

"There's a reason why we call you HIGH-nako..." — *“There’s a reason we call you HIGH-nako…”*

Hourai173 — *[Oops. But it’s OK, only like 6 people read this site -Ed.]*

SIDEWAY STORIES AT HOURAI HIGH

One of the best things about elementary school was receiving the latest book order. Remember circling all the book titles you wanted and getting your parents to buy most of them? It was a much easier sales pitch than a video game on account of being far cheaper and educational. Best of all, that magical morning you come into the classroom and find a stack of brand new books sitting atop your desk! Sure, it might not have been as wondrous as getting a video game on Christmas morning, but then again, as a kid what was? Seeing new books on your desk was still pretty damn cool. And while my love for the Goosebumps series has been well documented, one of my absolute favorites was easily Sideway Stories From Wayside School. It told the wacky tales of a zany school that was constructed 30 stories high! Featuring an evil teacher, Mrs. Gorf, each chapter highlighted a different student. The stories were beyond bizarre. My favorite was the chapter “Stephen.” Because it had my name (well, close enough) AND it was based on my favorite holiday as a kid: Halloween. Stephen also gets the best of Mrs. Gorf. I remember living vicariously through him. It was a reminder that even a little brave kid could stand up to a big mean adult.

As a kid I believed that Louis Sachar wrote this chapter for me — Louis Sachar clearly wrote this chapter for me

Subsequent inferior sequels followed and uh, 'jumped the shark' — Inferior sequels followed and jumped the shark…

GLARING FLAWS

Far from a perfect 4.0 GPA... — Far from a perfect 4.0 GPA…

There’s no denying the game’s humor and charm. However, a few key flaws keep it from being great. The biggest flaw? Equipping better armor and weapons seem to make NO difference at all. How Dynamite missed this is baffling, but this was the only game they ever developed, so take that for what it’s worth. So then this game is super hard right? Wrong. It’s actually very easy, even with this flaw. Your characters do level up, so their strength does increase, and that helps. You just can’t increase your strength by equipping a stronger weapon, so it makes armor and weapon buying useless, which is a shame as that’s part of the fun. So even though you can earn a variety of cool skills from all the various clubs you’ll join, it really doesn’t make a dent in the gameplay much in the end, as battles are so easy the only strategy consists of spamming the attack button (or use auto battle). The next major flaw: there are some game crashing bugs. I’ll highlight some below. Fortunately, on my playthrough, I avoided the bugs and thus was able to see the game through. Finally, the enemy encounter rate is ridiculously high. Sometimes you can’t take 4 steps it seems without a random battle occurring. Thus, it can drag the game down a bit. Thank God for that auto battle option.

It's a shame that buying new weapons and armor is not necessary — No need to buy new weapons and armor

Use Hinako's GUST skill at your own discretion... — Don’t use Hinako’s GUST skill. Just don’t

If you leave here and come back, the game may crash — If you leave here and come back, the game crashes

You get ridiculously bombarded by bad guys constantly — The enemy encounter rate is ridiculously high

Hmmm, I got a Senior Prank in mind... — Hmmm, I got a Senior Prank in mind…

Love the Lego Duplo look of the characters

Like I said, there are some flaws that one just cannot overlook. Having said that, now let’s talk about the positives. Visually, it’s got a very clean and unique look. The characters look great. Enemies and the various locales have a good deal of detail. The music is surprisingly well done for a company who only made one game. Lots of catchy tunes that range from frenetic and upbeat to soothing and relaxing, like a cool summertime breeze. There are many friends to make, many playable characters to try and many different clubs you can join to earn a myriad of offensive and defensive skills. You can partake in up to 3 clubs at once and you are free to switch out whenever you like.

There are so many people you can recruit!

The "Friend Point" was a neat little system — The “Friend Point” was a neat little system

You also earn Friend Points after a fight. Distribute it as you wish. After maxing out one’s Friend Points, that character becomes your best bud. You then unlock certain special skills and moves. Pretty cool stuff.

If you love (zany) RPGs, Hourai High is worth a visit — If you love (zany) RPGs, *Hourai High* is worth a visit

FAST TIMES AT HOURAI HIGH

It took me 30 hours to beat this game. I will definitely play through it a second time at some point down the road, and use the female protagonist next time. I’d like to thank the translating crew over at Aeon Genesis, who made this fan translation possible. A job well done, AG!

EarthBound fans will likely enjoy this too — *EarthBound* fans will likely enjoy this game too

CLOSING THOUGHTS

"Not exactly a welcome mat, is it?" — *“Not exactly a welcome mat now, is it?”*

Adventures of Hourai High will take you back to high school in some ways, but it’s also far beyond anything anyone ever experienced in high school. Yes, you’ll make buddies (even to varying degrees), join clubs and learn different skills, and even forge a few enemies but if it stopped there it’d be boring. Here, you’ll go on the adventure of a lifetime. Everywhere from rancid sewers to wild jungles to spooky demonic temples. Along the journey there’s plenty of charm thanks in large part to its amusing dialogue and all the wacky characters who inhabit its kooky world. It’s like high school, only taken to the very extreme, with a very peculiar Japanese touch that ONLY the Japanese can offer. If that sounds like a good time to you then I’m sure you’ll enjoy it — warts and all — like I have!

Adventures of Hourai High exudes charm and humor in spades. And that’s the best quality it has going for it. Where it falls short in execution, it excels in charming the pants off ya. All the strange characters that you meet, the diverse locales you’ll travel to and all the weird enemies you battle, not to mention the amusing dialogue, makes you press on in spite of its flaws. It’s one of the most endearing video games I’ve ever experienced. If you’re willing to look beyond the rough edges (high enemy encounter rate and broken weapon system), there’s a wonderful adventure lying underneath. This game made me smile constantly. It’s loaded with personality and heart. It’s too bad Dynamite didn’t iron out the kinks because this could have been a real gem. Still, it’s one of those rare games where in spite of its glaring flaws there’s something about it compels you forward. Who knew an RPG based around high school teenage life could be so addicting? If you can bear its missteps, this is one high school definitely worth visiting.

Graphics: 7.5
Sound: 8.5
Gameplay: 7
Longevity: 7

Overall: 7.5
Bronze Award