Steve | RVGFanatic

Contra III: The Alien Wars (SNES)

**Pub: Konami | Dev: Konami | April 1992 | 8 MEGS**

In the dying days of the 8-bit Nintendo, the SNES hype train was roaring along faster than even the Shinkansen. Not just by the months and weeks but seemingly by the days and hours. And every Nintendo geek had their own specific game they wanted to see through the wonders of 16-bit. Mario, Zelda, Gradius, Metroid, Castlevania, Mega Man, the list goes on and on. But for yours truly, and many others, Contra was right at the top of that highly esteemed list.

Commando wannabe geeks everywhere in the good ol’ US of A saw their wish come true when Contra III: The Alien Wars was unleashed in April of ’92. Yet ironically, it took me nearly FIFTEEN years later until I could finally call it my own. My SNES rebirth in January 2006 wasn’t merely a resurrection, it was also a chance at gaming redemption.

IN THE BEGINNING…

NES Contra ruled my world in 1988 — NES *Contra* ruled my world in 1988

While many kids grew up on Mario in the mid-late 1980s, and don’t get me wrong — I liked the Italian plumber too, it was really Konami’s CONTRA that cemented me as a video game fan for life. There’s something about being a machine gun strapped soldier blasting alien chunks set over highly atmospheric levels with some of the most memorable video game bosses of all time. Perhaps the best thing about it: you could do it with a buddy. My brother Kevin and I fell in love with Contra when we discovered it at a rental store in 1988. Uncle Jimmy, who then recently moved in, also fell prey to the wonders of this game. I can recall many nights where the three of us rotated turns per level with aid of the infamous Konami “30 MEN” code. A part of me can’t believe it’s almost been 30 years since the three of us stayed up late huddled around the small Sony TV, taking turns saving the universe. Contra was an awesome two-player game. This is not a case of looking back with rose tinted glasses — the 8-bit NES conversion still stands up remarkably well to this day, even nearly 30 years after its release.

In the jungle the lion sleeps... TO-NIGHT [... -Ed.] — In the jungle the lion sleeps… TO-NIGHT *[… -Ed.]*

From the very first level, that memorable jungle romp, you knew you were in for some kind of treat. Contra conjured quite the intense atmosphere that very few others could. And it paved the way for future run and gun greats like Metal Slug and Gunstar Heroes. It did a lot for gaming, and richly deserves its lofty spot in gaming history. Thank you, Konami, you bastards.

Contra spoke to boys in the '80s like none other — There was no other NES game quite like it

Though ironically, as much as we loved beating the game over and over, Uncle Jimmy never did buy it for us. We rented it several times and a close friend of ours loaned us his copy in exchange of Legendary Wings — a fair trade if there ever was one…

So perhaps it’s fitting I never owned Contra III back in the day either. I never played it extensively until 2008. My old friend Tommy had a copy that I’d play here and there back in ’92 but mostly I would watch our mutual friends Brian and Bryce play. So yeah, it’s a bit strange that I didn’t jump at Contra III back then despite it being at the top of my most wanted list. I guess one reason why — Uncle Jimmy moved out in the spring of ’92 when his wife was pregnant for the second time… the same time Contra III came out — maybe I thought it just wouldn’t be the same without him by our side hooting, hollering and having a good old time. Whatever the reasons were, in October 2008 I decided it was time to finally right a 16 year wrong…

THE STORY, WELL, SUPPOSEDLY…

“Here we are again bro… just you and me. Same kind of moon, same kind of jungle…”

“Real number 10 remember… whole platoon, 32 men chopped into meat… we walk out just you and me, nobody else. Right on top huh? Not a scratch… not a fuckin’ scratch. You know whoever got you, they’ll come back again. And when he does I’m gonna cut your name right into him.”

"I'M GONNA CUT YOUR NAME RIGHT INTO HIM!" — ***“I’M GONNA CUT YOUR NAME INTO HIM!”***

"Roger one, we got that, OVER" — *“Roger one, we got that, OVER”*

The year was 1987. In an undisclosed location in Central America, a special task force was called in to take care of mysterious enemies that hid in the dense and dark jungle. The soldiers assumed it was yet another typical mission but tragically, it was anything but.

No training could have prepared them for this

The band of soldiers searched the jungle but found no traces of the enemy, only the bones of the unlucky. At nightfall they split up in several mini-camps, keeping guard. As the men huddled around, an ominous chill filled the raw night air. A soldier’s sixth sense is well developed, and one in particular, Bill Rizer, knew something big was about to go down. His long time partner, Lance Bean, watched as the full moon continue its steady climb in the sky. At its zenith, the bloodshed began.

They were outnumbered, outgunned and outmatched — They were outnumbered. Outgunned. Outmatched

The soldiers were savagely attacked. All order and control went right out the window as many fled for their very lives. The vile creatures knew the jungle inside and out. The men were mice trapped in a snake’s cage. One by one, they were picked off by this invisible threat. The soldiers who did steal a glance saw a sight far too horrible for words.

Gunfire and screams of terror filled the jungle. The enemy was too fast, too smart and too cunning for the men to overcome. Those who stood their ground and fought head on were ripped apart, those who fled were gunned down and those who hid were hunted and swiftly destroyed.

The men were fighting against an enemy not of this earth. It attacked with an unrelenting fury. This force, this thing that lived inside of them came from a source too VIOLENT, too DEADLY for you to imagine. It grew inside them — contaminating their souls. And now these alien invaders have come to Earth… to kill.

But miraculously, two strong soldiers not only survived the menace — they destroyed it! These two elite soldiers were named…

The blast was so great that even the men, flying in from several cities over, could see it — The blast could be seen from miles and miles away

This became known as the Alien Wars — This became known as ***THE ALIEN WARS***

“Jesus Christ…”

“Jesus ain’t got nothing to do with this.”

“And we’re supposed to somehow KILL THAT?!”

“If it bleeds, we can kill it. No sweat.”

“I see you sweatin’ from over here!”

“I AIN’T GOT TIME TO SWEAT.”

contra3-title — The final war is at hand… WINNER KEEPS ALL!

FIREPOWER

And you sure need a whole lot of it! Thankfully, now even your default gun is on auto-fire. Some old favorites, like the classic spread gun returns, along with some new updated weapons thanks to the advent of the 1990s (or the 27th century, I suppose). You also have one powerful M-80,000 Helio Bomb per life to blow the aliens to Kingdom Come!

As mentioned above, at least your standard issue rifle is now automatic. It’ll get the job done in a pinch but you definitely want to make an upgrade soon. The laser cannon packs quite a wallop but it’s pretty damn slow.

Glad to see the spread gun back, but in my view it was much better in the NES game. The homing missiles definitely come in handy, though weak compared to others.

This is quite a powerful weapon, especially when you have it in both hands.

The flame thrower is very useful against certain enemies, and it earns cookie points for looking so damn cool.

You now have the ability to carry two different weapons at once! Plus, when you hold L and R, fire the trigger button to shoot both weapons at once like a mad man.

LEVEL ONE: NEO CITY

Where were you back in 1992? Do you remember the first time you fired this game up and anticipated the 16-bit wonders ahead? This stage set the stage!

... but I got some alien chunks to blow!" — *… but I got some alien chunks to blow!”*

I love being able to carry two guns at once

Weapon Wings appear high in the sky just like in the original and must be shot down. You can switch to your other gun, nab that spread shot and have that as your second gun. When you feel like you might die, switch to the less effective gun. That way, when you come back, you still have the good one. Nice! And here we see the smart bomb in its first phase of action. Players get one smart bomb per life. Unfortunately for you, they do not serve as invincible barriers so even a momentary lapse in attention can prove fatal. Smart bombs expand in a massive destructive arc and are best saved for the humongous bosses. The closer you are when you unleash this devastating force the better, as the victim will receive more damage from that extra bit of prolonged exposure.

They're like the turrets in the jungle from NES Contra — They’re like the turrets in the jungle from *Contra*

Watch out for these sucker guns bursting from out of the ground. And be sure to watch your back for incoming guards.

Enemies leap out of windows like a beat 'em up — Enemies leap out of windows like it’s a beat ‘em up

So much for man's best friend, eh? — So much for man’s best friend, eh?

Another advantage over the NES game is the ability to hold your ground while shooting in any of the eight directions. So now you can fire away anywhere you wish without having to worry about changing your position one iota! Gotta love that SNES controller

600 years later and they still haven't patched that up! — 600 years later and they still haven’t patched that up

One of the most iconic level one bosses ever

Who could ever forget the very first classic boss from NES Contra? It was so huge that it blew my little five-year-old mind away back in ’88. Talk about one imposing structure! It was a lot easier to kill than it looked but it’s got to be one of the most memorable level one bosses of all time. From the lone red sniper up top to the funky looking gumballs it spewed out, and the cool looking hi-tech square cover at the base there, man, Konami knew HOW TO WORK IT.

"HASTA LA VISTA, BABY!" — ***“HASTA LA VISTA, BABY!”***

And while it was a lot more intimidating in the original, it was still nice to see this base make a comeback. And since it’s not a boss, one can see why it’s a much smaller model than its big brother classic.

I love when companies acknowledge their prequels by resurrecting some of the more memorable baddies. It gives the sequel a certain touch of class and history.

Another satisfying explosion. Gotta love the flash flash. Simply classic stuff.

[Say a prayer, but let the good times roll.

In case God doesn’t shoooow…

And I want these words to make things right…

… but it’s the wrongs that make the words come to life.

“Who does he think he is?”

If that’s the worst you got, better put your fingers back to the keys!

One night, and ONE MORE TIME! Tanks for the memories, TANKS FOR THE MEMORIES! Even though they weren’t so great… ahem, sorry… -Ed.]

Some Weapon Wings contain a Barrier Shield, which conveniently turns red as it’s about to expire. It doesn’t last very long so better get a move on it.

Some six-armed mutant freak? A three-eyed dragon?

Nope, just a tank and a foot soldier reject. Kind of a wasted opportunity here at a really cool mid-boss but it’s all good. This guy’s OK and kind of a throwback to another Contra baddie…

Remember this heavy-duty tank rumbling toward ya in level five of NES Contra?

[How could I forget? It killed my guy every gawd damn time! -Ed.]

"COME AT ME, BRO!" — *“COME AT ME, BRO!”*

Some shades of that nightmare-inducing tank no? Too bad Jimbo doesn’t have his own tank here as well. That would have been too sick.

Difference is this tank was BRUTALLY HARD

"Seriously bro, the TechnoDrome's THAT-A-WAY!!" — *“Yo, the TechnoDrome is THAT-A-WAY!!”*

Whereas this tank, not so much. It barely puts up a fight.

"Now what kind of idiot would say that?" -Arnold — “Now what kind of idiot would say that?” -Arnold

Well Jimbo, most gamers agree this was epic — Sorry Jimbo, but most gamers agree this was epic

See? We knew gaming had just LEVELED UP! — See? We all knew gaming had just LEVELED UP!

This ain't your Uncle Jimmy's Contra — This ain’t your Uncle Jimmy’s *Contra*

The Homing Gun works wonders here — The homing gun works well here

It was truly mind-blowing back in '92 — It was truly mind-blowing back in 1992

Thank goodness for Jimbo's CrossFit training — Thank goodness for Jimbo’s CrossFit training

Crazy that this is still only the first level

The anticipation mounts to a fever pitch

At last you reach the end section. You knew it was boss time. You just didn’t know who or WHAT. But knowing Konami, you knew it was gonna be good…

One of the best looking level one bosses ever — One of the best looking level 1 bosses ever

Konami, never one to disappoint, certainly didn’t here. It’s the giant mutant turtle monster BEAST KIMKOH! Man, I thought the first boss from NES Contra was impressive. This guy is a true terror in every sense, especially in how realistically it seemed to twitch and pulsate.

Er, at least I think it's a he [You check -Ed.] — Er, at least I think it’s a he… *[You check -Ed.]*

Watch out for that horrible long neck of his. He also emits blue bullets from God only knows where…

[I'm gonna tell Kimkoh you said that -Ed.] — *[I’m gonna tell Kimkoh you said that -Ed.]*

When he's pissed like such, make sure you take the top platform — When he’s pissed, get to the top platform

That way you can avoid both his fire breath blast and his bullets. But on the ground? You’d be screwed because it cancels out the option of jumping. You develop lifesaving strategies as you go along and learn the finer points of the game. Good stuff.

Oh quit being dramatic — Oh quit being a drama queen

"ONE DOWN, FIVE TO GO" — *“ONE DOWN, FIVE TO GO!”*

Beast Kimkoh was such a memorable design. The way it pulsated and squirmed left a lasting impression, and pumped you up to see what horrors lay ahead…

LEVEL TWO: MARIA CALDERON HIGHWAY

[I once met a ho -- housewife -- named Maria Calderon... -Ed.] — *[I knew a ho — housewife — named Maria Calderon… -Ed.]*

With Neo City swept and cleared of all villains, it’s off to the Maria Calderon Highway. Now things are viewed from a top-down perspective. Your goal is to eliminate five Red Corporals hiding in domed manholes. All the while overgrown insects and mad guards hunt you down through this maze of elevated roadway and bridges.

Flashbacks of PlayStation Loaded, anyone?

Flamethrower should definitely be one of your two guns here if you can nab it.

When playing the 2 Player Mode A, you get a split screen for this overhead level. However, if you wish to play this stage in a single screen, select 2 Player Mode B. It’s the little things that help make a game (extra) special.

I like the overhead levels better than these ones

Level 2 in Contra III reminds me a bit of level 2 from NES Contra. It’s different from the traditional side scrolling stages. They are decent diversions to lend the game some variety. Interestingly enough, just as there were two of these “into the screen” levels, there’s two overhead levels in Contra III. Coincidence?

HINT: Each time it descends, the red spot rotates 90° from its last position. This mechanical spider-esque menace spins high above you before it comes crashing down. Keep moving to avoid being squashed like an ant.

The potent laser gun also works well against the Metallican — The potent laser gun also works well here

The flamethrower is a gem as it can reach the eye without being centered on; remember, it can go through objects to reach an enemy(‘s weak point)!

Shame on ya, Sully. Nowhere to be seen... — Shame on ya, Sully. Nowhere to be seen…

LEVEL THREE: THE OLD CYBER STEEL MILL

I remember seeing this damn stage every single freaking time I headed over to Tommy’s house back in ’92. I just love the atmosphere this stage brings. That dark smoggy sky, the brown depressing colors… playing this level particularly on a dark afternoon is rather surreal.

The evil forces of Red Falcon have taken over the last remaining functional steel factory in Neo City. The aliens use it as a landing pad for arriving allies. Be sure to equip yourself with a flamethrower — you’re gonna need it…

You see? These Gigaflies are toast. BURN BABY BURN!

With a bud you can cover both sides with a flamethrower — 2 players can cover both sides with a flamethrower

Say hello to ole Chrome Dome, and I’m not talking about the villain from the Ninja Turtles. He’s a cinch with the flamethrower as you can reach him from there. Otherwise you gotta grab hold of his “arms” and shoot his red eye as you go around in circles. Once killed, he’ll flip his arms wildly in one last ditch effort to take you down to hell with him.

Far be it for Konami to let you have a nice and easy climb, no, another mid-boss terror comes right after you. Shoot down those missiles.

Sure, stand in the searchlight why don't cha! — Sure, stand in the searchlight why don’t cha!

"I like my wings nice and fried!" — *“I like my wings nice and fried!”*

Going in deep now... — Going in deep now…

That "lock" option is a game changer — That “lock” option is a game changer

Running out of the pod, the wretched flock swoops down on our hero… like lambs to the slaughter!

Uh oh… glancing through the opening, you see clear as day what lies ahead. There’s no turning back now, Jimbo…

They're called BOB 1 and BOB 2. No joke — They’re called BOB 1 and BOB 2. No joke

I'm the real B.O.B. and I do not approve of BOB 1 or 2 — I’m the real B.O.B. and I don’t approve of BOB 1 or 2

Double your fun, double your pain... — Double your fun, double your pain…

AH-HA! The evil robots spring to life and war is waged. This is one of the coolest boss fights ever. Once disposed of both BOBs (remember their torsos flying around?)… it ain’t quite over yet…

Uh oh… you knew it couldn’t be THAT easy, and you were right! [I always am -Ed.]

It’s the ROBO-CORPSE!

I have fond memories of watching Brian and Bryce tackle this titantic tin of terror. Back in ’92 this literally blew our minds and EVEN today it still impresses.

This is one of the most memorable and classic sights from gaming history. It was stunning then and remains an epic experience even to this very day, nearly 25 years later.

"Hey buddy, ever heard of LISTERINE?" — *“Hey buddy, ever heard of LISTERINE?”*

Robo-Breath fires homing lasers from his eyes and also does one mean Godzilla impersonation. What a perfect boss — it was gorgeous yet grotesque!

Pelting him like no tomorrow is utterly satisfying. Watching his whole body flash and waiting until the last possible second to get the hell outta dodge. Climb to the top, drop down and repeat. It was as intense as it was epic. Konami FTW again.

When Robo-Corpse bites the dust, he REALLY bites the dust. The very thing that gave him “life” so to speak is the same thing that swipes his head clean off… a fitting end to an unforgettable boss encounter. Konami were freakin’ maestros in this domain, bar none.

"Would you like Gigafries with that?" — *“Would you like Gigafries with that?”*

LEVEL FOUR: THE BATTLE OF THE BLAZING SKY

No rest for the wicked, but thankfully you’re able to give your weary legs a break as you leap aboard a hovering motorcycle (like the speeder bikes from Return of the Jedi). Psycho Cyclers attempt to cut your quest short with a few well-placed grenades.

You’ll be attacked both on the ground and in the air. Thankfully you can leap above your motorcycle and not worry about becoming roadkill — they will automatically move under you because of their advanced rider-tracking system. It makes for one intense, fast-moving, action-packed level.

PS2's Contra: Shattered Soldier replicated this — PS2’s *Contra: Shattered Soldier* replicated this bit

A gigantic battleship flies just above you as it rains down a parade of laser beams. Lock your position and let ‘er rip! Later, a bomb is dropped that engulfs the entire road, so make sure to time your jump well. One split nanosecond off and you’re fried.

This strange looking mid-boss can be somewhat unpredictable, swinging his legs around wildly and even charging at our hero. The longer you let it live, the more erratic his pattern seems to grow.

After catching a lift on a helicopter, Slash comes to greet ya. He’s pretty tough, attacking with a sword and throwing shuriken-like blades.

... is right. Another epic boss battle in the books, folks — … is right. Another epic boss battle in the books

Once again Sully is nowhere to be found... — Once again Sully is nowhere to be found…

LEVEL FIVE: THE MUCHO GRANDE BADLANDS

I like how the overhead levels lets you pick where to start — I like how you can pick where your starting point is

The Mucho Grande Badlands (what a funky name) is a return in concept to level two’s Maria Calderon Highway. Players must gun down five enemy entrances while avoiding mutant insects and crossing precariously thin strips of land and collapsing bridges.

Shifting sand ain't bad -- it's the swirly ones I hate! — Shifting sand ain’t bad — it’s the swirly ones I hate!

On easy mode he can be finished with the laser gun in literally under 10 seconds. But on Hard… YEAH. Good luck…

LEVEL SIX: RED FALCON’S MAIN BASE

This is it. The last stand. The final whistle, if you will. Better stock up on bombs…

Awesome mini-boss. They don't make 'em like they used to! — Epic enemy. They don’t make ‘em like they used to!

Who could ever forget this monstrosity from the NES game? I used to call him the “Long Neck Alien Monster.” My brother, Uncle Jimmy and I loved killing this guy. When I think of Contra, this parasite here is always the very first bad guy that comes to mind. He blew our minds back in ’88 and he wasn’t even a boss! Remember how you stood at the edge of that wretched pillar there, blasting away at his jaw while your buddy took care of the shrimp? I know you do. I know I do. There are video game enemies that you remember for life. This is one of them.

LOOK WHO'S BACK, JACK! — LOOK WHO’S BACK, JACK!

In a true nod to the fans if there ever was one, Konami resurrected the nasty Para-Slug for Contra III, once more serving as Red Falcon’s “mini-boss” terror in the game’s final stage. He’s not quite as intimidating and menacing as he was in his first appearance, but he still looks pretty dang cool.

Konami no doubt loved the ALIEN films — Konami no doubt loved the *ALIEN* films

Speaking of knowing and appreciating one’s history, remember the last stage in the NES game? That decrepit alien lair littered with scorpion-spiders and abominable parasites? Let’s see how they do it 16-bit style…

Well it's very similar here -- only 10 times more intense! — It’s very similar here — only 10 times more intense!

Nearly 30 years and Contra's heartbeat still resonates — Nearly 30 years and *Contra*‘s heartbeat still resonates

Here’s another classic sight seared into our memory banks. It’s the final boss from NES Contra, that vile beating heart of Red Falcon! Nothing quite satisfied like pumping that organ full of lead until it exploded unmercifully! Ahhh, just thinking about it warms the heart (no pun intended). Really hard to fathom it’s almost been 30 years, no?

I love seeing the old memorable baddies from NES Contra resurrected for this 16-bit sequel. Although this is a neat design in its own right, the NES one I have to say was that much more memorable. Still, it’s a most welcomed sight indeed.

I love how the heart flashes with each shot it takes

Talk about a hell of a heart attack [Tsk tsk -Ed.] — Talk about a hell of a heart attack *[Tsk -Ed.]*

You thought at first you had saved the world but a pesky feeling kept gnawing at you as you stood there admiring your handiwork. And just up ahead the sinister path, you got your answer…

Suddenly the landscape changes to an even more rotten state. The ground rumbles madly and from the rubble comes forth a truly horrific monster!

"YOU ONE UGLY MUTHAFUCKER!" — ***“YOU ONE UGLY MUTHAFUCKER!”***

He’s easier than he looks. When he rushes you, be ready to jump onto his spider-like legs. You can even catch a lift up top. When he lets his guard down, aim for his face and don’t hold back.

Red Falcon's final line of defense — Red Falcon’s final line of defense

The fourth and final mini-boss, the Vicious Slave Hawk, can be a bit of a bitch if you don’t have the flamethrower.

You've hit the motherload, Jimbo — You’ve hit the motherload, Jimbo

Sometimes pictures are worth a thousand words. What a spectacular sight for sore eyes this was and still is.

You don't know what, but something bad is happening — *“This can’t possibly be good…”*

How astute an observation on your cunning part, Jimbo. Who needs college, eh?

Here are a few examples of his offensive attacks. The Russian Roulette manner is pretty neat. Never know what form you’ll get and it makes fighting this final boss slightly different each time.

"Oh damn, it's DEFINITELY a male..." — *“Oh damn, it’s DEFINITELY a male…”*

I like this one. It’s got a nice look. He moves pretty fast so don’t get too greedy in shooting him down. Pick your spots and move along accordingly with him so you don’t get squashed!

But wait a second, what's this? — All is clear and safe, right? Uh, sure…

WOO HOO, you saved the universe — job well done, soldier. Now… GET TO DA CHOPPA!

"SEE YA IN HELL RED FALCON!" — *“SEE YA IN HELL RED FALCON!”*

In typical classic sci-fi and horror movie style, the bad guy comes back for one last stand. This only happens on Hard, and it is only on Hard that you can get the real ending.

Good luck Donald Trump and America... — Good luck Donald Trump and America…

"Jimbo, let's blow his brains out!" [HA HA HA -Ed.] — *“Let’s blow his brains out!” [HA HA HA -Ed.]*

Some lovely black and white photos are shown in the real ending.

Mad Dog and Scorpion would have been proud — Mad Dog and Scorpion would be proud

CLASSIC KONAMI CHEAT? ON THE CONTRA-RY

Who could ever forget this? — Up up, down down, **LEFT RIGHT OUTTA THE GAME!**

Don’t bother looking for the infamous Konami code in the US version of Contra III because it doesn’t exist. If you really want to cheat, and I could understand why — the game’s blasted difficult as heck on Normal or higher, then you’ll need a Game Genie.

Game Genie Cheats:

Infinite Lives (on side-scrolling levels): 22BB-AD01
Infinite Lives (on top-down levels): 22BB-6F0B + 6DBB-64DB
Infinite Bombs (on side-scrolling levels): 2264-D760
Infinite Bombs (on top-down levels): 22B8-0766

DIFFERENCES BETWEEN US, JAPANESE AND PAL

For a change, the US cover is 10 times better

That is refreshing, indeed. The Super Famicom box art is infamous for sporting a very striking Arnold lookalike. The Super Famicom version is titled Contra Spirits and has a 30 lives code (but is not done in the traditional Konami fashion). Unlike other US conversions (such as Super Castlevania IV), not much has been censored to the best of my knowledge. The US effort is by and large the exact same game as the Japanese one, except the US version is a bit more difficult to say the least. Contra Spirits gives you infinite continues, plus you can see the real ending on Normal not Hard as it is with Contra III.

The UK called Contra III Super Probotector — The UK called *Contra III “Super Probotector”*

It's still relatively the same exact game... — It’s still relatively the same exact game…

... except the heroes are robots rather than humans — … except the heroes are robots rather than humans

I’M SO “AD” TO SEE YOU

And what's that, playa? — And what’s that, playa?

FROM THE BOOK OF KONAMI

Who could forget the Demon that guarded the top of the Waterfalls? — Who could ever forget this mechanical monstrosity?

Throughout gaming’s history we have seen some amazing, mind-blowing bosses. Screen filling demons and monsters that ruled our living room, leaving us speechless upon sight and utterly pleased as we watched them crumble after a hard fought battle. Indeed, few companies had the magic touch that Konami had. Their bosses are simply the stuff legends (and nightmares) are made of.

Thankfully, Contra III continued Konami’s masterful tradition. From the very first boss, that menacing mutant snapping turtle, bursting out of the bloody walls, you were sure of two things. One, you would never forget the image. And two, Konami still had it. They still had that magic touch. The first thing that comes to mind whenever someone mentions Konami are the many memorable bosses the firm has produced over the years.

The "Transformers" boss from NES Contra was a hell of a sight — The *“Transformers”* boss from NES *Contra* was sick

God I loved the ’80s…

The '90s were pretty rad, too — The early-mid ’90s was special, too

Thanks Konami for making those years extra memorable — Thanks Konami for making that time extra enjoyable

WHAT THE CRITICS SAID

#8 on EGM's Top 100 List issue #100 (Nov. 1997) — #8 on EGM’s Top 100. Issue #100 (November 1997)

Contra III: The Alien Wars was destined for instant classic status the moment it hit game stores nationwide back in good ol’ 1992. Fans of the previous games and game reviewers everywhere ate it up. To this day, with as many Contra incarnations as there are, many still cite Contra III as being the very best Contra game of all. Mighty high praise indeed, considering the franchise had more than its fair share of stellar games.

EGM: 9, 9, 9, 9

Super Play: 90%

CLOSING THOUGHTS

"DIE YOU SON OF BITCHES! YO JIMBO -- COVER ME!" — ***“DIE YOU SONS OF BITCHES! YO JIMBO — COVER ME!”***

From the very start players enter a post apocalyptic war torn universe overran with alien forces. From blowing up cars and towers to hitching rides on tanks and braving through a flame-engulfed section, the stage is set beautifully for one epic, intense action fest. The graphics are often impressive and at times they are truly spectacular. The music is brilliant, with an excellent mixture of metallic guitars and big orchestral pieces. The sampled grunts and screams complement the on screen mayhem. It’s everything you hope 16-bit Contra would be and more.

"I'M KINDA BUSY OVER HERE MYSELF, SULLY!" — **“HEY I’M A LITTLE BUSY OVER HERE MYSELF, SULLY!”**

Perhaps the best thing about Contra III is the same quality that made the first Contra so damn good. Crisp, smooth and intense action that lets you run and gun with a buddy. There’s something really cool (and fun) about strapping on your boots, teaming up with a pal and taking on evil forces that outnumber you by the hundreds. Contra III plays and controls like a dream. It is truly well deserving of all the hype and praise that’s been thrown its way over the past quarter century!

Konami delivers an instant 16-bit classic — Konami delivers yet another instant 16-bit classic

There are so many improvements over the NES game and that was already a great game to begin with! For starters, the smart bomb brings a certain back pocket security card to the table. Then you have the ability to carry two different weapons at once. The current weapon you’re holding is gone when you die. In a hairy situation you can even pause the game to switch! You can also fire both guns at once. In addition, they resurrected some old sights and baddies as a nod to the fans. There’s more strategy here than ever before. And let’s not forget about that handy lock feature. The different difficulty levels cater to players of varying skill. Contra III has got both style and substance.

The mind is a terrib -- terrific thing to waste! — The mind is a terrible, nay, TERRIFIC thing to waste!

The gameplay is still classic Contra, except now 10 times as intense. With two players it’s simply an unbeatable experience. I only wish it were a level or two longer. Breathtaking boss battles, memorable mini bosses, awesome set pieces, amazing atmosphere, smooth-as-hell run and gun gameplay, impressive graphics and sound to match — what more could you ask for? It’s a short game but I find myself coming back for more, and often. Contra III deserves all the hype it gets. A level or two short of perfection, this ain’t your Uncle Jimmy’s Contra — it’s even better. Now if you’ll excuse me, I gotta get back to saving the world and blasting some alien ass. BOO YAH!

Graphics: 9
Sound: 9.5
Gameplay: 9.5
Longevity: 9

Overall: 9.5

"We think we're a 10 but we'll take the 9.5!" — *“We think we’re a 10 but hey, we’ll take the 9.5!”*

“Thanks for the top score, mate!”

“Hey, we earned it!”

“I only have one last thing to say…

… GET TO DA CHOPPA!!!!!!!!!!”

Contra (NES)

It's the game that got me into games -- for life — An essential video game of the ’80s, *Contra* stands the test of time

For many kids growing up in the mid-late 1980s it was all about Mario and his chums. I was a fan myself, but the one game that really cemented me as a video game fan for life was Konami’s Contra. The gun-slinging, alien-shooting atmosphere was off the charts, with incredible graphics, sound and gameplay. And unlike Mario, two could play at once. In short, it was a senses-shattering, adrenaline-filled action thriller. It was the kind of game you talked to your buds about on the playground at recess. The kind you never get tired of beating again and again, provided you had a friend firing alongside you every step of the way.

Tonight we take a trip down memory lane, recalling along the way the memorable nasties, the unforgettable little moments, and why this game has stood the test of time.

A FREAKY COINCIDENCE

This tribute piece was originally written almost 10 years ago now, back on February 9, 2008. As I was writing it, I decided to search when Contra was first released on the NES. I kid you not, the date was *drum roll please* February 9, 1988. So exactly 20 years later, to the very day, I was commemorating Contra. It’s one of those freaky coincidences that prove there are indeed greater and mysterious forces at work here.

And although RVGFanatic is mainly a platform where I share my passion for all things Super Nintendo, I’m happy to occasionally honor games that didn’t appear on the SNES at all. Contra is the first game of a brand new section on the site entitled “Random Retro.” And I can’t think of a finer first game than this.

THE INFAMOUS KONAMI CODE

Ah the classic Konami code which gave you 30 men. Ask any serious Nintendo fan about the code and they’ll recite it for ya on cue (select, start for 2 players).

THE JUNGLE

The first stage is the very memorable jungle romp. Indeed, it was always amusing to us young kids how your guy was as big as the trees themselves!

One of the great things you first notice are all the convenient angles you can fire at. It made you never look at games where the hero could only shoot across quite the same ever again, yeah?

For some reason this silly mechanical bridge really captivated my imagination as a youth. My brother and I would often see who could cross it successfully, sort of a game-within-a-game type thing, yeah.

Uh, yeah, I meant to fall off that collapsing bridge. Of course I did…

Each time I saw him my mind would wander to such thoughts as “How did he luck out to get that hiding spot? It sure beats running in the wide open like some kamikaze soldier!” Ah, the thoughts we had as kids, eh?

Now THAT'S what I'm talking about — Now THAT’S what I’m talking about

I know I sure haven't — I know I sure haven’t

This first towering boss really set the tone for what the rest of the game would turn out to be. Contra simply tickles the imagination. It’s a world where massive monstrosities call home and where being a deft action megastar is the only ticket out alive.

At the end of the jungle lies this humongous base. I remember thinking what a huge boss it was at that time, and if I wasn’t sold yet, I was now. A sucker for any sort of elaborate Lego base or set, I was blown away by how cool this imposing structure appeared.

First order of business is to eliminate the entry soldier up top. Next, take out the two turrets, which spits out lovely red gumballs. Seriously, was I the only one who thought they looked like giant red gumballs?

Indeed. After clearing the two turrets, wipe the base plate out and proceed onto level two. What great horrors and thrills await you there?

BASE ONE

This scene blew my mind back in 1988. It was like nothing I had ever seen before on the ole 8-bit NES. Like all of the game’s levels, to this day I can hum level two’s theme.

Simply riveting stuff back in '88 — My imagination ran wild at the horrors laying ahead

Wow, this was mind blowing back in '88! — Wow, this was mind blowing back in ’88!

Boss number two is yet another awe-worthy gigantic structure. First you must blow away the pods. Once you do, look at the black screen for a good luck message… or at least yet another notable boss, anyhow.

Shades of Cobra from G.I. Joe! — Shades of Cobra from *G.I. Joe*!

Oh I know you can hear the music right about now, yes? Don’t deny it. You can even recall the sound that occurs every time you die, can’t you? Good stuff. Except that dying part, though.

We called this boss “Snakey” or “Snake Breath.” No explanation needed… just look at him! To this day I can see him zooming across his tiny black space back and forth, desperately spewing his venomous breath. This game was chalk full with memorable bosses. They stay with you even nearly 30 years later. Jeez!

WATERFALL

Stage three… gotta make your way up to the top of this treacherous mountain. Keep your eyes peeled and your guns ready.

The classic rocks-falling-down bit. Remember to keep pace with player 2
(if applicable). The bottom of the screen in 2-player mode acts as sort of an invisible pool of burning lava.

Another cool part. Those two small fires move back and forth while turrets and soldiers from above try their damnedest to take you out.

Thankfully you’ve got that invulnerable icon there…

Capitalizing on the Running Man trend of the late '80s! — Capitalizing on the Running Man phenomenon!

After a lengthy and arduous journey some 5,000 feet up this mountain top, you have to deal with the guardian from Hell…

YIKES! What a beast this guy is. Nobody could do bosses quite like Konami. That was their M.O., no? First you gotta take out his two limbs.

Then once that’s done, blow his gawd damn jaw off! You can actually position yourself where you’re able to hit him and he just misses you. An easy bloke, but a damn impressive and highly unforgettable one. He’s one of my favorite bosses of all time. I remember my reaction the first time my bro and I saw him: “WHOA!”

Beat him and proceed safely to level four. Wow, we’re not even halfway through and already this game is killing it! No wonder it’s one of the best games of all time.

BASE TWO

A reprise of level two, but a bit tougher and nastier. Don’t touch the electric ropes, and don’t stay in one spot for too long!

I just love that vast bleakness up ahead, as well as the little specks of red there. A really nice touch that makes it seem very ominous, indeed. Really accentuates the feeling of stepping into the great wide unknown…

Watch out for the dough rollers as I used to call it back in the day. Hey, that’s what they looked like to me!

Blackness peppered with ominous red... oooh — Blackness peppered with ominous red… oooh

This is what lies ahead! Just like the boss of level two, except now with two heads to contend with! Again, you must destroy the pods. Some Eagle Men (as we kids called them) swoop down upon you in the process.

This was a somewhat tough boss as the little bubble shots it spewed required impeccable skill to successfully dodge. In typical classic boss fashion, once weakened, it’ll start to flash red.

Damn right it reminded me of the Autobots and Decepticons. Man, you had Transformers, Nintendo and bloody Hulk Hogan all ruling the ’80s. What a time to be alive, eh?

Pretty damn similar, no? I liked how the red brain pulsated harder and harder the weaker it got. It made it more intense as if the thing was going to explode into a million bloody pieces!

SNOWFIELD

Brrr… you may not need a jacket but you will need lots of skill and luck.

Oh sure he seems harmless enough. But then factor in foot soldiers running up your back end [that sounds… painful -Ed.] and suddenly it’s not so easy now is it?

Not Yoda. Just only way to fit that text in, ha! — Not Yoda. That’s just so that the text can fit, ha!

Yah, you definitely need a potent firearm, or two players! — You definitely need a potent firearm, or two players!

We kids called this the UFO Boss. Creative, huh?

ENERGY ZONE

I like how each of the game’s locales has a slightly different look and feel. Aside from the two base stages, no two levels look alike. Gotta appreciate that.

Patience is required in level six due to these flames

Awesome set piece! Stay focused, or else…

Run through them like a knife through hot butter

Remember Larami Corp’s Super Soaker lineup? Very popular stuff circa 1992-’93. First there was the orange Super Soaker 50 if memory serves right, then the OMG ultra-cool Super Soaker 100 which EVERY kid on my block had to have. My bro was the first to buy one and of course, he became a legend within our circle of friends. Good times.

They don't make 'em like they used to — They don’t make ‘em like they used to

Little subtle touches like this tile floor changing colors right before a gigantic boss fight don’t go unnoticed. It’s the little details that make a game for me.

Nobody did bosses like Konami did. You could say that they were the boss of that domain… [You’re fired -Ed.]

Somebody's been eating their Wheaties — Somebody’s been eating their Wheaties

Good ole 1988-1989. The year I was in Kindergarten. At the table with the big white styrofoam blocks I would share my tales with my friends of the battles I had with the “50 foot tall purple and orange alien monster.” My friends looked on with eyes wide open, urging me to continue my story. Just imagine this little six-year-old story teller will ya!

On a side note, back in 2008 I visited my old Kindergarten classroom to help out for a day. The teacher, remarkably, in her old age still somehow remembered me: an impromptu 20 year reunion! It was simply surreal. I looked over at the corner and saw that 1989 scene replay in my head — where I was weaving magic by the campfire about this Contra baddie. Mmm. Some things just stay with you forever.

HANGAR

The imagery this level had was highly compelling to say the very least. Rolling mine carts, trident-esque hooks, hi-tech computer-y interior… there was just something about it that left a lasting impression.

I love the spiked walls that would pop out of the ground. Sometimes weapons may get caught in-between as well. It’s a small detail, but they really do add up.

[Psssst. Manute Bol FTW -Ed.] — *[Shoot. Manute Bol FTW. R.I.P. big man -Ed.]*

Remember, I made these pics back in 2008! — Remember, I made these pics back in early 2008!

Contra is one macho video game — Damn right it is!

You know, I think Konami might have been obsessed a little bit with stars. Almost every stage is outdoors and features stars. Red, orange, green, blue…

Foot soldiers come trampling out the door and from behind, all while the turrets below sprout up fireworks. Two players really come in handy here, believe that!

ALIEN LAIR

Ah yes, who could ever forget this epic mini-boss. We called him “The Long Neck Alien Monster” — catchy, huh? I remember not being able to eat shrimp for a while after seeing this monstrosity for the very first time!

Like I said, I made these pics back in 2008... — Like I said, I made these pics back in 2008…

This last level didn’t host very many baddies but they were all memorable due to their distinctly demented nature. As well as they should be, seeing as how the level takes place in an alien’s lair. It perfectly captures the foreboding mood of a giant mother alien waiting for you at level’s end…

This is it. The final stand, the last whistle. My brother and I always had to kill all four pods before attacking the heart; it’s much more fun that way. Destroy the Red Falcon‘s heart to restore peace to the universe.

"ONE OF US HAS TO DIE!!!" — ***“ONE OF US HAS TO DIE!!!”***

CLOSING THOUGHTS

Thanks for all the memories, Contra — Thanks for all the memories, *Contra*

NES Contra remains one of my all-time favorite video games. I credit it as the game that hooked me for life. I always enjoyed video games prior to playing Contra, but it was Contra that blew my mind in a way no other video game before it was able to do. My brother Kevin, my uncle Jimmy and I played it to death. Though oddly, as much as we loved it, we never bought it back in the day. But thanks to a mom ‘n pop shop called Evergreen Video, we must have rented it half a dozen times. Plus borrowing our friend’s copy, but of course we had to loan him our copy of Legendary Wings – a fair trade if there ever was one

Contra steamrolled its competition in 1988 — *Contra* steamrolled its competition in 1988

Each of the eight stages have their own unique quirks and little details you can’t help but fondly remember. It’s the sign of not just a great game, but one that somehow sticks with you for a lifetime. They are far and few between. Playing Contra is akin to going about your daily routine as usual, only to inhale a whiff of a comforting scent that takes you back to a certain period in your youth. A much calmer time when things weren’t so hectic and chaotic. A more innocent time if you will. Contra conjures memories of ’80s yore, and reminds you of why you love video games in the first place.

Where's Godzilla when ya need him?! — Where’s Godzilla when ya need him?!

Who could forget the sights and sounds? Konami were maestros. 25+ years later the tunes are still stuck in my head, and the bosses are firmly planted in my heart. Nobody could do bosses like Konami. They knew just how to spark your imagination, and really brought the enemies and end level guardians to life. Never have I played a game where we talked about the bosses as much as we did with Contra. They were awe-inspiring, gruesome and unforgettable. Killing them always felt so satisfying, and if you were anything like me, you shared “war stories” about it with your friends as if it were a genuine badge of honor. The game had, and still has, that special connection with gamers the world over. That is partly why we cherish it so, even nearly 30 years later.

Until we meet again, my friend... — Until we meet again, my friend…

From telling my friends in Kindergarten about my battles with the 50 foot tall purple and orange monster to the many nights my brother, uncle and I spent locked up in the gaming room blowing up alien chunks, I will never forget the fond memories I have of Contra. But it’s not just nostalgia talking. This is still a damn EXCELLENT game. One of the best on the 8-bit Nintendo in my humble estimation. Its gameplay fares well to this day, and it has a unique aura about it all its own. Mario? Yeah don’t get me wrong, the Italian plumber is cool and all, but here’s the game that made me a video game fan for life. Here’s the game that turned boys into men. And here’s the game that damnit, just might be my favorite NES game of all time.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I gotta get back to blasting some alien ass. Boo-yah!

Sutte Hakkun (SFC)

Quite possibly the last great SNES game released — Possibly the last great SNES game released

There are games you hear about and instantly know it’s right up your alley. But sometimes it seems too good to be true, and you find out the game was cancelled, never made available on physical cartridge or whatever. Sutte Hakkun was that to me — a game which I thought was an exclusive BS-X game (a type of Super Famicom downloading service in Japan). But then it achieved such positive word of mouth that Nintendo decided to release it on an actual Super Famicom cartridge on June 25, 1999. This is, quite possibly, the last great Super Nintendo game ever released.

I obtained my cartridge only copy through a mercenary I had living in Japan for $29 on October 11, 2006 (wow, 10 years fly by fast). Today cartridge only copies of Sutte Hakkun go for over $100 (which as ridiculous as that sounds is actually kind of surprisingly low considering how much some of these scarce highly sought after titles can fetch).

If you ever wanted a game based on this, here ya go!

Sutte Hakkun is a platform-puzzler. Taking command of a translucent creature resembling a dipping bird, your goal is to reach the rainbow orb(s) in each level. It sounds simple but of course, as you can predict, the later levels get quite tough.

Some levels have two orbs — Some levels have multiple orbs

The buttons are very simple. B jumps and Y pecks. By pecking, you can absorb helpers (i.e. blocks) and move them to new positions to help you reach the exit. There are also jars which contain red, yellow or blue paint. By pecking, you can suck the color out of a jar and transfer the paint to blocks, causing the block to move in a set pattern, depending on the color you’ve injected. Red goes up and down, yellow diagonally and blue horizontally. Of course they don’t travel the full length of the screen — there would be zero strategy if that were the case. Rather, the blocks travel a short distance back and forth.

LOOK AT WHAT I CAN DO

Reposition blocks (only after you absorb 'em) — This allows you to move a block

Red blocks travel up and down — You suck like a champ don’t cha

Sutte Hakkun translates to “Suck and Blow.” [We’re all mature enough here right? -Ed.] And that’s exactly what you’ll be doing a lot of. In this game, I mean. At least in this game. [Oi -Ed.]. You’ll spend a lot of time sucking paint and transferring them into the transparent blocks.

Of course you can freeze a block’s movement by sucking the paint out of them, and it’s by this method that allows you to change a block’s height to better suit your goal.

Observe:

Red causes that block to move vertically — Red makes blocks move vertically

Suck out the red and then put it back in — Suck it out, then put it back in

That block now travels higher based on where you’ve injected it. Nice!

As you can see, this is a rather unique puzzle action game. It’s quite creative and brilliant. You just can’t help but love it. Major props to Nintendo for breathing new life into a genre that has way too many similar games.

The beauty is there are multiple ways to solve a level. The method seen above is just one, but I’ve completed level 1 and some of the others in different ways. It’s really awesome to see how many different solutions there are but they all get you to your end goal — the next level.

And should you want to harmlessly dump a color for whatever reason, simply press down on the control pad.

LEVEL 2 AT A GLANCE

Hop on the "new and improved" block — Hop on again

There are many stages, with 10 levels in each stage. The further you advance the crazier they get. Trust me, the later ones are INSANE. Just be grateful there’s no time limit!

This coming from Nintendo and all, Sutte Hakkun is filled with nice little details. Look no further than the stone that goes from a smile to a frown the moment you hop on its head. It’s these little touches that just make you grin and appreciate the great effort from the fine folks over at Nintendo.

Press R to scan the level — later stages have a bigger layout so this comes in handy. Sometimes it helps knowing what lays ahead.

CLOSING THOUGHTS

A fine action puzzler that will last ages on account of the later stages being damn tough. I dare call it a must-have for every SNES owner who enjoys staring contemplatively at the screen until inspiration breaks through with the resolute “A-HA!” The last great Super Nintendo game ever released, Sutte Hakkun is a piece of history and a true piece of video gaming art. The Super Famicom received so many fantastic games that never saw the light of day here in America. Sutte Hakkun is another shining example of such. It’s a mind bender in every sense of the word, and puzzle fans are sure to eat this one up.

Puzzle’n Desu! (SFC)

One of the best Super Famicom games hardly anyone ever talks about

You know, there are a lot of “hidden gems” on the Super Nintendo. Many are no longer “obscure” because they’ve received their just due and praise over the course of the past decade or so. But there remains a few titles that I still see don’t get the kind of recognition that they so richly deserve. Puzzle’n Desu! is one such game. It’s truly one of the best games on the system that you might have yet to play, or even heard of before. There’s a reason why the box says “Ultimate Cool Puzzle Game.” Hey, them some bold words. But if any puzzle game can live up to such a high title, it’s this one.

Hell of a brain teaser, this one. You move the little guy on the left around a giant square arena, trying to match all the like colors. You can only push one block at a time, and it’ll travel until it’s stopped by a wall or block.

Three like colors, minimum, are required to make a successful match. Sometimes there are four instead of three, so you must connect all four. Match only three in this instance and you’ll fail (as there would be one block remaining).

Let’s take a look at the first few stages.

STAGE ONE

If you can’t figure out how to solve this first level…

STAGE TWO

I like the way the blocks disappear. The little visual effect is always a welcomed sight. Hey, it’s the small stuff, right?

The blue blocks are a cinch as you can see… but the pink ones… what to do…

There you go, now this pink formation is ripe for the pickings. Can you solve the rest? As you can imagine, the later puzzles become murderous.

Interestingly enough, this mode can be played with up to three friends. I believe this is the only Super Nintendo action puzzle game that allows you to do such a thing. Very cool stuff!

BUT WAIT! THERE’S MORE!

An ace 4-player battle mode is included! Much more than a mere afterthought, this can rival Bomberman believe it or not! The goal is simple. Squish your opponent(s) via block pushing. The winner is the sole survivor. And for good measure, you get 10 different stage designs, whose block placement is randomly generated, enabling countless variants! (similar to the map system of the beloved WORMS franchise).

B = push

A = moves a block around you

Note the “A” command is only valid in the battle mode, for obvious reasons. Also, even in this mode blocks will disappear when accidentally or purposely matched. Awesome continuity.

Here are the 10 battle zones:

BATTLE ZONE 1

It’s your typical no-frills, no gimmicks first basic stage.

BATTLE ZONE 2

Blue blocks with the % marks are immovable.

BATTLE ZONE 3

The ice blocks dissipate when pushed against a wall or block. I like this stage.

BATTLE ZONE 4

The arrows determine the path of destruction. It’s very Super Bomberman-esque.

BATTLE ZONE 5

Those arrows affect block AND player movement — nice!

BATTLE ZONE 6

The arrow blocks here can only be pushed in the direction they’re pointing. The numbered blocks travel their respective number (i.e. 3 spaces). Very interesting, and rather different!

BATTLE ZONE 7

Teleporters! Bomberman is rolling over in his grave

BATTLE ZONE 8

Great gimmick here. Arrows guide block movement. Easy to kill yourself if you don’t watch it. When walking on arrows, they act like butter, sliding you in their set direction.

BATTLE ZONE 9

The blocks here can be pushed despite touching each other. They fly across and through the screen disappearing whether they’ve crushed someone or not. Arguably the most chaotic stage due to its potential of numerous blocks zooming by at break-neck speed in all directions!

BATTLE ZONE 10

A veritable smorgasbord of the other battle arenas. Good stuff.

D’OH!

Unfortunately, this mode is restricted to human players. Why they didn’t allow computer opponents is a mystery. But it’s better than nothing. Like Bomberman, 2 to 4 can play, with the win total required for a stage adjustable from 1 through 10.

To cap things off, a create-your-own-stage option is available.

CLOSING THOUGHTS

Puzzle'n Desu! is an awesome little game — *Puzzle’n Desu!* is too sweet

I love this game. The ability for a 4 player mode in the regular game and a Bomberman-esque 4 player “free for all” mode really makes this game stand out from the crowd. These games possess a purity I can’t help but love. They’re simply brilliant and brilliantly simple (yet complex). If you love pitting your logic skills to the test, and especially if you have gaming buds, hunt this gem down. From what I understand though, it’s rather scarce.

It’s not perfect, though. I am not a big fan of the timer. I feel like these action puzzle games benefit greatly when you’re able to take your sweet time and start contemplatively at the screen until inspiration strikes with the resolute “AH-HA!” Also didn’t like the fact that the 4-player battle mode is exclusive to humans only. I mean, it would be lovely to be able to play this mode on a lazy Tuesday night when it’s just you and your Super Nintendo. But at the end of the day, at least the mode is there as an option.

All in all, Puzzle’n Desu! truly rocks. And deserves a little more recognition in the retro gaming community. Highly recommended!

Dossun! Ganseki Battle (SFC)

Before there was Puzzle Fighter... — Before *Puzzle Fighter*…

Dossun! Ganseki Battle is an awesome puzzle game. It feels like sort of a beta version of Super Puzzle Fighter II Turbo. Not as good but for its time it was a damn fine puzzler. Let’s take a closer look.

The game intro reveals a demon trying to conquer the land (supposedly). Jeez, don’t these demons have anything better to do? At any rate, there isn’t much Japanese but interestingly enough there is a fan translated version floating out there. Not that you need it but it’s there if you want the full English experience.

This game has a unique battle system. Two ways to claim victory:

The opposing player’s well fills up

Their energy bar hits rock bottom

Energy bar? In a puzzler? Say whaaaa??

Like Puzzle Fighter, the attacker sends over a spiffy, er, attack.

Eliminating 3 or more like pieces have varying results:

Green Rocks: Sends forth a dragon (see above)

Red Scrolls: Fireballs

Yellow Swords: Piercing swords

Blue Potion: Replenishes your health slightly (if needed)

Purple Squares: No effect whatsoever

ONE PLAYER MODE

The loser is paid a visit from ol' Grimsy — The loser meets ol’ Grimsy

TWO PLAYER MODE

Everyone is up for grabs — Every character is playable

TODAY’S SPECIAL

I like this cool effect (see the purple) — I like this cool effect

Most puzzle games have a special piece or power. Dossun is no different. When you have a special pellet stored, pressing R clears every purple square. Although the graphics could easily be confused for an early Mega Drive title, this visual effect is somewhat noteworthy.

DO A COMBO MEAL

Like fighting games, special moves are a good way to inflict damage but the best players utilizes devastating combos. The same applies here. While clearing 3 pieces at a time is fine and dandy, pulling off 3-plus chain reactions is the meal ticket. Diagonal matches yield the best results if you set yourself proper.

Observe this lethal chain. The green rocks match diagonally and disappear.

The yellow sword drops, connecting with 2 other swords.

The swords’ elimination drops the red scroll… forming a crushing 5-PIECE horizontal and diagonal red match to end the 3 hit chain.

PICK A FIGHT

After completing a big combo, the character enlarges and performs a fancy attack.

HANG IN THERE

Major attacks result in leaving the opposition hanging.

[By a moment! Desperate for changing, chasing after you… ahem, sorry -Ed.]

ANY REQUESTS?

There’s only one music theme throughout the entire game, and it can get tedious. When someone’s energy bar flashes, the music breaks into a frenzy, sounding much better and adding nicely to the tension. But the regular music is a bit “meh.”

CLOSING THOUGHTS

"It was ICE knowing ya!" — ***“It was ICE knowing ya!”***

It’s essentially COLUMNS with a medieval fantasy battle theme. Dossun! Ganseki Battle really grew on me; I found myself saying “one more game” several times. It’s amazingly addicting. Sure the graphics and music are nothing to write home about but the gameplay is largely enjoyable and that’s what it’s all about. Definitely one of the finer puzzle games you could play on the Super Nintendo and one that should be in your collection if you like the genre even an iota.

Sweet game!

Shadowrun (SNES)

**Dev: Beam Software | Pub: Data East | May 1993 | 8 MEGS**

As I write this it’s Halloween 2016. It brings back fond memories as exactly two years ago, I left work early Halloween 2014 due to being under the weather. That was a memorable day for a couple reasons. Number one, it marked 20 years since I experienced the greatest Halloween of my life (October 31st, 1994). And number two, it was the night I finally played Shadowrun. It’s been a game long on my to-play list, and on that rainy evening, with me being sick, I couldn’t think of a better game to start than Shadowrun. Even though it’s not a “Halloween” game in the vain of a Super Castlevania IV or Zombies Ate My Neighbors, it’s got a dreary and grim atmosphere that is great to play this time of the year. Prepare to immerse yourself in the morbid and sordid universe of Shadowrun.

YOU AWAKE ON A SLAB IN THE CITY MORGUE

Explosions are erupting all over the city.

It’s Seattle. The year is 2050. And civilization has devolved.

The game opens up with this rather intriguing bit. Two night shift workers load you, Jake Armitage, onto a slab in the city morgue. You’re apparently done for.

The slackers take off. Look, they didn’t even bother to shut the slab all the way in. What a bunch of assholes, eh? Just can’t find good help these days.

shadowrun_00050 — Shouldn’t have drank so much…

Shaking off the cobwebs, you don’t have any memories of who you are or where you came from. It’s a race against time and technology as you fight for your life.

Pulling up the menu you have all you need at your fingertips.

Fun building up Jake's skills — Fun building up Jake’s skills

The hand cursor helps you to explore your environment. Move it around the screen and place it on items of interest. A little note will appear if further action can be taken.

A really cool feature Beam Software implemented was the use of the shoulder buttons. Yeah you can click on a button which brings up a menu to give you further choices, or you can examine or pick up by simply pressing L or R respectively. It saves an extra button press and is just convenient and makes the overall playing experience much more smooth than having to press extra buttons unnecessarily.

Don’t forget to check and raid the fridge. That’s rule number one in life and video games. For sure.

It’s easy to miss small items like this. Every piece of information is integral to your success, so make sure to comb each playing area thoroughly.

What’s inside Warehouse number 5? Hmmm.

You fling the door open and scare the living daylights out of the night shift workers. It’s a fun little moment that just pulls you in. Very effectively done.

I appreciate the mood and atmosphere of Shadowrun. Its cyberpunk universe, the detailed visuals and the isometric view. Makes you wish there were more games like this on the Super Nintendo.

Each new playing area brings with it a new view. Some screens are full screen while others are smaller. I love this — it brings a quirky, unique sense of ‘flavor’ to the game.

Heading out of the city morgue, you run into a strange lad roaming the streets. You call out to him and the following conversation ensues…

I love the portraits of the characters in this game. They add perfectly to the seediness of Seattle 2050 as this game envisions it.

An interesting aspect of Shadowrun is that you have preset talking points and can select from a list of topics to ask the various NPCs that appear throughout the game. Sometimes you have to broach a topic in order to unlock new topics. It was quite a unique system and lends a sense of discovery and deduction.

If one topic doesn’t bring about any results, try the next topic. I like the dialogue in this game, by the way. Really gives off an air of shadiness and bleakness.

You know a game’s dialogue is top-notch when you look forward to talking to every single last NPC. Here is another fun little interaction.

In a hurry to do what, fella? Certainly not hitting the gym, are we?

Go through the list of preset topics. Rinse and repeat. It may seem repetitive but it quickly grew on me and it somehow works for this game. I can’t imagine it any other way.

Hmm, not sure I trust him. But whatever the case may be, he’s definitely low ranking in the grand scheme of things. Leave him be to his newspaper and find bigger fish to fry.

Yeah, this guy doesn’t look like a shady character whatsoever…

This guy is, literally, Shady Character — *[Someone say shady character? -Ed.]*

Speaking of shady, Longhorn Jack… what a gimmick name.

Hmmm. Very funny, Beam Software. Very funny

The NPC dialogue adds to the sense of dreadful urgency that runs rampant throughout Shadowrun. Very well done there, Beam Software.

The battles take place in real time. You aim a crosshair icon at a bad guy and fire away. Each hit either way brings a number point over the character’s head as to indicate the damage points incurred. Kill more bad guys to earn karma (think skill points in RPGs) and nuyen (money). The more karma you earn the better you can level up your skills and attributes.

Some battles take place inside buildings while other wars are waged in the middle of the street. As you run through the seedy streets of Seattle, you never know when some scumbag will pop out of nowhere to fire shots at your head. I love the battle music that plays for each gun fight.

Scumbags pop out of nowhere. From rooftops to dumpsters, you always have to watch your step. Love the way their carcasses litter the screen when you’re through with them!

I like these mini cut scenes whenever Jake travels. There’s one for a train, a chopper, an elevator, a boat, etc. It’s simple but an effective way to convey the feeling that you’re really traversing various parts of town.

I can’t imagine Shadowrun being anything but isometric. It just wouldn’t be the same if the perspective was, say, Link to the Past.

I just love how gritty and grimy the whole world of Shadowrun is. Really a nice little action adventure game to play at midnight with all the lights turned off!

This is an odd recurring character you will run into throughout to say the very least…

Upgrade your guns as you progress to stand a chance. There’s nothing like a dark alley gun fight, is there? Really gets the blood flowing… literally.

The game map isn’t too big, but is big enough to convey a real sense of being immersed in a dubious, underhanded world. You never really get too lost (at least I didn’t, anyhow) but there are enough interesting little nooks and crannies to be explored that really suck you into its twisted world.

Go to the bar to find out more information. You can also hire mercenaries! So even though you only control Jake, he can have up to 3 mercenaries trailing him at any point to help you in your quest. The computer AI on your mercenaries isn’t perfect, but it’s good enough to get the job done.

Hiring help is not mandatory but it sure helps Jake’s cause. They have some funky names too — my favorite name being “Dance With Clams.”

Love me the graveyard section! Zombies come crawling out the earth looking for a taste of human flesh. It’s slightly creepy and goes extremely well with this time of the year.

If you haven’t experienced playing Shadowrun at midnight with the lights turned off, you need to.

They tend to stay, eh? Nice subtle touch there!

My favorite occult-ish moment of the game is when you run into a nest of vampires. They’re hiding off in some big fancy house near a graveyard. Better come armed with some mercenaries in tow!

This key is difficult to spot, but critical to have

There are a few tricky moments here and there where if you miss a key item (pardon the pun) the game comes to a screeching halt. I always try to solve a game on my own first without resorting to a FAQ. It took me a while here until I realized there was a bronze key laying on the book shelf that was somewhat hard to make out at an initial glance. One of those “D’OH!” moments when you finally see it for the first time.

The boss battle with Dracula himself was a fun one, if not a little creepy. I hate the way he moves. It was unnatural and very stilted. Gave me the creeps…

Dracula's tough. If only I had a hint... — Dracula’s tough. If only I had a hint…

Oh great. This big bastard guards this night club. But you got to find a way to somehow bust through. Hmmm…

Love the small rooms. It reminds me of EarthBound because some of the rooms take up half the size of the screen, or even less!

Shadowrun will suck you right into its fascinatingly squalid world.

I suppose no seedy underworld is complete without an equally seedy junkyard.

Hobos litter the area as does gun-toting mad men. It’s quite the ruthless and dog-eat-dog world. By the way, is there nothing better than surviving a fight with next to zero health remaining? It never fails to get the heartbeat racing a bit as you scramble around to find a health kit refill, or the like.

Make your way through this giant boat. I love the way the screen is mostly black and the only thing that is detailed are the green stairways. It’s really quite an artistic little game.

You gotta appreciate a video game that does things to differentiate it from the crowd. Shadowrun is definitely a unique title in the vast ocean of SNES goodness.

Another thrilling section, you can feel the pressure kicking in as you slowly uncover bit by bit the Jake Armitage mystery.

Battle your way through some scummy sewers

sharun50 — You damn right it did. Shame I gotta kill ya…

Oh Shadowrun. You crazy thing you — Oh *Shadowrun*. You crazy game you

What did that one crazy guy say again... — What did that one crazy guy say again…

No one working the front desk. Bad sign... — No one working the front desk. Bad sign…

Let's ride the elevator up — Let’s ride the elevator up

Remember how you could shoot them? *wink*

Have a heart, Jake! — Clever little message. It was good for a chuckle

Don't let him escape! — Don’t let him escape!

GIT TO DA CHOPPA! — ***GET TO DA CHOPPA!***

You know a game is good when you're sad it ends — You know a game is good when you’re sad it ends

WHAT THE CRITICS SAID

Nintendo Power ranked it #48 on their Top 100 list

Shadowrun scored positive reviews with the critics. Well at least for the most part it did. EGM gave it scores of 7, 7, 6 and 6. GameFan rated it 89, 84, 80 and 80%. Super Play scored it 85%. It has a positive reputation within diehard SNES circles. It’s not your typical bright and cute Super Nintendo title, which is part of its appeal. There have been many talks over the years on which is better: the Genesis or SNES version of Shadowrun. Both play differently. I’ve never played the Genesis version myself, but I can say I love SNES Shadowrun. Not only is it a blast to play but I love the whole vibe of the game. There’s no teenage angst or love side story BS. It was just a man on the run fighting time, magic, monsters and unraveling the mystery of the puzzle piece by piece. Good stuff.

CLOSING THOUGHTS

*Shadowrun* plunges you into a dark seedy underworld

Two years ago — Halloween 2014. I left work early on a dreary late afternoon due to losing my voice. I was bummed I wouldn’t be able to head out that night for Halloween shenanigans, but it worked out OK. There was nothing I wanted to do more than finally at long last firing up Shadowrun and seeing what it was all about. It’s a game my brother played to death over 20 years ago. I have fond memories of that Halloween night exploring the first few hours of this game. It was raining and I made sure to wait until after 9 PM when the trick-or-treaters had all gone home. Now it was nothing but me, Jake Armitage and the crazy sordid universe of Seattle 2050. All things considered, it turned out to be a pretty good Halloween. And on a side note, the following week I told my brother I was finally going through the game for myself, and he grew very nostalgic at the mere mention. Next thing I know we’re talking about deckers and Drake. This may sound silly but that’s the magic of video games. You can go 20+ years without playing or even thinking of a certain game, but the second you recall it, you’re transported back to a more innocent and carefree time in your life. A time when it was just taking out the trash, doing your homework and playing the latest and greatest 16-bit games. Good times.

This intro NEVER gets old — Right away the game hooks ya!

I enjoyed upgrading Jake’s armor, guns and magic. I like how karma is awarded for kills which allows you to upgrade abilities such as shot accuracy and health. There is a bit of “farming” you can do in order to increase your karma. The gun sound effects are pretty weak but I love seeing the numbers pop up over their heads, letting me know how much damage I just inflicted. The visuals are not spectacular but I do like the little details and overall art style. I found myself getting lost a bit here and there, but it’s nothing too bad. Mainly I forgot to grab an item that forced me to be stuck. Each locale feels different from the other, and it’s fun to see what weird scene you’ll run into next. It’s a tight 15-20 hour adventure, so it’s just long enough to satisfy but not too long that it wears out its welcome. Combat isn’t the greatest as you just point the cursor and fire away, but it works for the game and serves its role. Shadowrun isn’t perfect by any stretch, but it really is rather one of a kind as far as Super Nintendo titles go. Cyberpunk, monsters, magic, mystery and noir! Hard to go wrong. Just remember, never ever cut a deal with a dragon.

Graphics: 7
Sound: 9
Gameplay: 8.5
Longevity: 8

Overall: 9.0

Sadly we never got Shadowrun II. Sigh — Sadly we never got Shadowrun II. Perhaps in the year 2050…

Clock Tower (SNES)

A night when evil roamed the streets... — ***“A night when pure EVIL roamed the streets…”***

Halloween is almost here. It’s one of my favorite days of the year. And this game is perfect to play on Halloween night. In the late ’90s I bought Clock Tower for the PlayStation and played it to death (pardon the pun). It was a few years later that I discovered the first Clock Tower originated on the Super Famicom. Thanks to the efforts of some diehard SNES fanatics, the game has long since been translated into English for the rest of us to enjoy. And enjoy it we did. One of the true Halloween staples in any video gaming collection, Clock Tower delivers one creepy and tense adventure the likes of which few SNES games can claim!

Clock Tower combined two things I absolutely love. It resembles a horror movie — I like its creepy villain, SCISSORMAN, almost as much as Michael Myers — and it’s on my favorite system of all time, the Super Nintendo. What more could I ask for, right? Unfortunately, the game never received a North American release. By the time it came out in Japan on September 14, 1995, the SNES was quickly losing steam as the 32-bit machines gained more and more momentum. That and, of course, there was no chance (even with the Play It Loud! movement) that Clock Tower was going to get approved by Nintendo of America! What a shame it never saw American soil because this is one of the most unique and original efforts on the Super Nintendo. But thanks to the fan translation scene, we can now experience this macabre game in all its gory glory.

Here comes the boogeyman... — Here comes the boogeyman…

Anyone who knows me knows how much I love the HALLOWEEN series. Uncle Jimmy let me rent the first one back in 1989. I spent more than half the movie hiding behind the sofa with one hand covering my eyes. I even had a nightmare of Halloween‘s iconic madman, Michael Myers, later that night. And I was hooked. Go figure. I dreamt about someone turning the Halloween concept into a video game. I mean, how awesome would it be to take control of a protagonist who is constantly being chased by a masked maniac? That every room you enter he could be lurking in the shadows… watching and studying your every move… waiting for the right moment to jump out and slit your throat wide open. Clock Tower delivers that sense of dread and drama in spades!

MY -FIRST FEAR- WITH CLOCK TOWER

My first exposure to Clock Tower was in 1997. I’ll never forget it. From the moment I read its splendid three page ad in EGM #97 (August ’97), I was hooked. Seriously the best advertisement ever. I knew I had to buy the game then, and it was the only PlayStation game I ever cared enough to buy! The ad is so awesome that I am going to replicate parts of it below.

CRIMSON FOUNTAINS OF GORE

A bright plume of warm crimson rain erupted as the giant scissors rent the flesh of his next victim… this is certainly not the game for the timid or weak of stomach! From corpses at your bedroom door to half eaten bodies in the restroom, ASCII has packed Clock Tower to the belfry with some of the most gruesome and spectacular graphics of the year! Watch in horror as the limping gait of the immortal Scissorman approaches your present hiding place — only to see the bright fountain of your own blood if he happens to find you! Any horror fan will quickly recognize the brilliance of the programmer’s virtuoso performance in the lighting, shadowing, angles, and sheer volume of gruesome content! Lots of animation and full 3D polygons were used to bring the bloody, murderous surroundings to life. This, in conjunction with the well detailed backgrounds and characters, will have you at the edge of your seat — praying that you make it through the night!

THE HORROR OF SILENCE

The chilling sound of the banshee’s scream itself couldn’t have been more dreadful than the sound of the sheering scrape of sharpened steel blades sliding past each other — not to mention the wonderful effect of pure silence in some of the most chillingly tense scenes of the game. There’s something terribly dreadful in the sound of your own two feet echoing through some of the most profoundly evil halls ever wrought, and I couldn’t agree more with the programmers when they spoke of the “Terror of Sound” which they labored for in this game! ASCII’s purpose in the sound scheme of this game is fairly easy to understand… with sounds that aren’t there when they should be, sounds in impossible places, the chilling music of the chase, and the haunting scrape of the Scissorman himself as he stalks you with inhuman determination… they want to scare you out of your skin!

Of course, the voice-overs and sound effects of the surrounding environments are a beautiful addition to the already impressive audio display. The tightly knit unison of background noise, voices, sound of movement, music and silence create a living auditory atmosphere that will draw you into the world of terror on the screen right before you.

RUN FOR YOUR LIFE

Talk about losing your head... — Talk about losing your head…

In a game where one false move could easily mean the difference between escape and grisly death, control is of paramount importance. This is another area where Clock Tower excels! From fleeing down dark corridors and hiding in shower stalls, to hurling chairs and brawling with your would be assailant, the full range of movement offered by Clock Tower will leave you breathless with the fight or flight instinct. For those who like to hide, just try to avoid hiding in the same spot too many times in a row. Scissorman has a limited IQ, but he’s not that stupid!

Also remember to check every nook and cranny for items that you may be able to use later. With a little help, you might just live to see the light of tomorrow.

A series of brutal murders have signaled the return of one of the most terrifying killers in the history of Romsdaaren, Norway — Scissorman! Terror gripped the hearts of the mixed party of ten as they finally reached the unholy walls of the Barrow’s family mansion in England. No one could have imagined the unspeakable horrors that lay behind the infamous Scissorman case when the malevolent butcherings had begun. Now, the dreadful search for the answers had culminated into a lynching party that brought them all here, to the very doorstep of Hell itself. Would they finally find the key to send this twisted soul back to the nether regions of death that had so maliciously spat him into their lives? Only time will tell…

EGM gave it scores of 8.5, 8.0, 8.0 and 6.0 in ish #98 — EGM gave it scores of *8.5*, *8.0*, *8.0* and 6.0 in issue #98

Supercuts: Employee of the Month — Supercuts’ Employee of the Month

I have such great and fond memories with this game. As I said it was the only PlayStation game I ever bothered to buy. For a while there in ’98 it was all that I played. I used it to scare the living daylights out of my then 10 year old cousin, David. Uncle Jimmy, the one who rented Halloween for me back in ’89, used to visit us a lot back in the late ’90s. David would always come to watch me play this, only to run out screaming whenever Scissorman gave chase. Ahhh, the good old days eh? So when I found out Clock Tower originated on the SNES, I simply had to get my hands on it.

THE STORY GOES…

For some reason that sentence gives me the creeps

"Oh Lotte, cant I admire the trees for a bitI?" — *“Oh Lotte, can’t I admire the trees for a bloody bit?”*

"Would I ever lie to you, Jennifer?" — *“Would I ever lie to you, Jennifer?”*

There’s something about the way her finger is pointing that inexplicably gives me the heebie jeebies. Ms. Mary definitely has the low key witch vibe about her…

And surprise surprise, one by one they perish — And surprise surprise — one by one they perish

This game mastered the art of creating tension

Your mom had 9 months and she chose Lotte?!

Clock Tower excels at building up the suspense — *Clock Tower* excels at building up the suspense

Yup... shit just hit the fan — Yup… shit just hit the fan

Use the cursor to check every inch of every room

What a demonic looking tree. Reminds me of Doom's trees — What a demonic looking tree. Reminds me of *Doom*

You might wanna think about saving yourself!

And a (terrifying) legend is born ^_^ — And a terrifying video game icon is born ^_^

Sometimes you can't help but feel you're being watched... — Sometimes ya can’t help but feel yer being watched

I mean, what's the worst that could happen, right? — I mean, what’s the worst that could happen, right?

The repeating "I'll get chu!" voice-over is pretty creepy — The repeating “I’ll get chu!” voice-over is pretty creepy

I hope PETA isn't reading this — I hope PETA isn’t reading this

These dreadful moments always bring me to the edge of my seat — These tense bits bring me to the edge of my seat

"... DAMN!" -Ron Simmons — ***“… DAMN!”*** -Ron Simmons

So fun playing this at 2 AM in the dark... — Who knew a 16-bit game could be so scary?

This is SO Jamie Lee Curtis-Michael Myers circa 1978! — This is SO Jamie Lee Curtis-Michael Myers circa 1978

Surely it will be a safe haven up there, no?

Aw poor Jennifer. She's pretty much screwed here — Aw poor Jennifer. She’s pretty much screwed here

If you're already in the red zone, you're in the dead zone — In the red zone? Then you’re in the dead zone

Then again, neither does hiding. Sometimes even then he'll get ya — Then again, hiding doesn’t always guarantee results

“Puzzles” in Clock Tower are quite elementary [Good thing for you! Ha! -Ed.]

No Jennifer. That's just bird poop — No Jennifer. That’s just bird poop, my dear

I seen a scary film or two. Hit the lights! — I’ve seen a horror movie or two. Hit the lights!

Dang that's quite a big pocket you got there Jenny! — Dang that’s quite a big pocket you got there Jenny!

Looks like some kind of meat locker, but what's that inside? — Looks like a meat locker, but what’s that inside?

Scissorman isn't the only threat in this accursed mansion... — Scissorman isn’t the only threat in this mansion…

Hmmm, you'll need a special item to kill the bugs... — Hmmm, you’ll need a special item to kill the bugs…

Something shiny can be seen at the bottom... — Something shiny can be seen at the bottom…

Could be worse. They say man's the biggest monster of all... — **1, 2… HE’S COMING FOR YOU…**

Ah, young naive Jennifer, bless her heart

Ms. Mary is a creepy old wretch in an effectively subtle way — She’s a creepy old wretch in an effectively subtle way

I knew something was wrong with that witch from the intro! — Girl don’t do it!

*[OH NO YOU DIH-ENT! *removes earrings* -Shaniqua]*

Yes Jennifer, take it AND SPLASH IT IN HER FACE! — Yes Jennifer, take it and SPLASH IT IN HER FACE!

[Uh, let's just return to the movie -Ed.] [MMMM-HM -Shaniqua] — *[Uh, back to our movie -Ed.] [MMMM HMM -Shaniqua]*

Ah Jenny. I sure hope you have a character arc like Laurie Strode did! — I hope Jen has a character arc like Laurie Strode did

Not two feet away from her sat a deranged and unkempt savage... — Not two feet away sits a deranged, unkempt savage

And could IT, whatever it is, be even WORSE than this guy?! — Whatever IT is, could it be even worse than this guy?!

One of the most cryptic messages in SNES history

I promise I'll never make fun of your name again! — I promise I’ll never make fun of your name again!

Lotte: Yeah, I saw a mad man limping around with HUGE shears! — I saw a mad man limping around with HUGE shears!

YES! FINALLY! JENNY'S CHARACTER ARC! — **YES! FINALLY! JENNY’S CHARACTER ARC!**

Laurie Strode, er, Jenny, has grown up before our very eyes *sniff* — Aw, Jenny has grown up before our very eyes *sniff*

[THAT'S WHAT I'M TALKIN' BOUT GIRL! -Shaniqua] — *[THAT’S WHAT I’M TALKIN’ BOUT GIRL! -Shaniqua]*

What happens next? Find out on your own! What secrets are tucked away in this mansion of unspeakable horrors? What’s the deal with Scissorman? Is someone pulling the strings? Was it Ms. Mary, or something far more demonic? Will you survive the grisly night to see the light of day? CLOCK TOWER awaits! Turn off the lights, crank up the sound and say a prayer…

WORKING THAT ROOM LIKE A PRO, BABY

Quick! Get that shoulder outta sight, Jen! Here comes the Scissorman... — Quick, hide that shoulder before Scissorman comes!

Not Halloween theme epic, but does its job well — Not *Halloween* theme epic, but does its job well

No other SNES game offers this kind of tension

Pray he doesn't find you — What a drama queen, that Scissorman

WHAT THE CRIT — FANS SAID

Normally this is where I’ll put the game’s scores according to the “Super Three” (EGM, GameFan and Super Play Magazine — if applicable). But with Clock Tower being a special fan translated repo, I’ll cite some fan comments instead. The following haunting stories come from various gamers who have encountered Scissorman’s wrath over the years…

Clock Tower creates an underlying wave of fear throughout the game’s course, and there are certain scenes in the game that may act as a proverbial moon to bring in this terrifying tide. Clock Tower doesn’t pull any punches, and the horrifyingly real atmosphere of the Barrows’ mansion had me paranoid for at least a week! In fact, one of my friends who I first played the game with noted that the scariest part of the game was that almost everything in it can easily be connected to real life. Compounding off this, my first playthrough of the game was at a small party I held for six or seven close friends, and with the exception of one (she’s oddly impervious to that sort of shock value), we were all scared out of our wits. Clock Tower is just cool that way -Amai Yuuwaku

Gloomy and ominous, Clock Tower is a wonderful experience for any fan of interactive horror, and well worth playing through whether as a longtime fan of the series or a wide-eyed newcomer -Tachibana Ukyo

After playing through it for only a meager half-hour, I know that I am never going back to it! I am a bit tense when it comes to Hitchcock movies, and I must say, this game has a lot of Hitchcock-esque horror elements. Clock Tower doesn’t make the game scary with blood and gore, no sir. It’s just the sounds and sudden happenings that cause you to psychologically snap (a lot like Hitchcock movies!) -Alain Garamonde

Clock Tower: the story of hope, betrayal and survival. The game revolves around Jennifer and a couple of her friends who get adopted by a family. They get to the mansion in the woods in hopes of a new, happy life. All seem well, until the group gets split up. That’s when they start to meet Scissorman. Instead of a happy life, what they got was a heart-pounding adventure. Their test was a test of wit and resourcefulness against the wrath of Scissorman -xTurksx

I’m never scared by any horror video games. Never ever. So my friend bet me $20 at my birthday party that I would be scared by this game. I took that bet and I definitely lost that bet. This game is absolutely scary -Windscar18

I didn’t know what to expect when I tried this game out. I found myself in control of a teenage girl all alone in a huge mansion, so I figured I was meant to go exploring. I went walking down the nearby hall, passing a couple of doors when all of a sudden this creepy music starts playing! Just like in a horror movie! So of course, like a total imbecile, I explored the door I was in front of when it began to play. I found myself in a hazy bathroom, and looked at the various fixtures. The only thing the cursor responded to was the closed shower curtains. So again like an imbecile, I went to look. The tub was full, but the person in it was hanging from her wrists from the shower curtain’s bar. Apparently it was one of the girl’s friends, but I didn’t have long to think about that. Suddenly this figure jumped out of the bathtub, brandishing a huge pair of scissors! It was a blue-skinned dwarfish being in a schoolboy’s outfit, with a four-foot-pair of scissors. This was the beginning of my Clock Tower experience… -The Manx

I hate this game. I can’t tell you how much I do. That may be misleading, but I hate this game in a I’m-too-scared-to-turn-it-on way, not the I-don’t-want-to-play way. I’ve played Clock Tower for PlayStation. Clock Tower for the SNES is 4 times as good. This game really messed with my mind, and it reminded me of Maniac Mansion in its control scheme, but that’s a good thing. The interface is easy to control and actually fun, as you run through rooms chased by the maniacal Scissorman, trying to find a place to hide, with his shears getting louder and louder as he dogs your steps, the clicking on objects getting more frantic as you realize he’s just one room behind you… and then SNAP! DEAD END! -Nevergrace

I type this as I look out my door on Christmas Eve. He’s coming. I can hear it. It’s been about two whole days since I’ve played the game, but I am still rather leery -Lord Flamingo

CLOSING THOUGHTS

Grisly and grim, Clock Tower hits all the right notes — Grisly and grim, *Clock Tower* hits all the right notes

My fellow gamers above said it best. I echo many of their sentiments. Have you ever had one of those special gaming experiences you’ll never forget? Perhaps it was, in addition to the game itself, the weather, the season in your own life, or the place where it happened. Christmas 2010. I was sleeping over at my parents’ huge two story house, and that was the first time I went through Clock Tower from start to finish. Playing til 4:30 AM, every bloody sound that emanated from either the game or the house had me on the edge of my seat and peeking over my shoulder with much trepidation. It’s been a long time since I’ve been a little kid, but that night Scissorman sure made me feel like one. With multiple endings, a sinister masked maniac and a simple yet compelling story, the game draws you in like few others and then spits you out leaving you feeling exasperated, a bit uneasy, and completely satisfied.

The perfect SNES game to play on Halloween night

Simply put, there is no other game quite like Clock Tower on the SNES. That alone makes it noteworthy. Throw in the fact how well it was executed and what you have here is one uniquely special game. Scissorman is easily one of the most memorable villains in SNES history. He waits in the shadows and pops out at the most (in)opportune moments. Grisly and horrifying deaths, high tension cat and mouse chase scenes, and not knowing for sure where Scissorman lurks makes Clock Tower great! The graphics are well done and give the game an ominous atmosphere. The sound will raise the hair up on the back of your neck. It’s not too long but the nine endings give incentive to replay. After that night at my parents’, I met up with my cousin David the following day. Yes, the same one I scared with PlayStation Clock Tower more than a decade ago. I told him how I spent much of last night playing the original Clock Tower on Super Nintendo and what an awesome experience that was, with the whipping rain outside, and I swear, just the mere mention of SCISSORMAN gave poor David a horrid flashback. Heck, I don’t blame him. Just saying Scissorman out loud gives me the heebie jeebies. Do what you gotta do to play this game and be sure to turn off the lights, lock your doors and pray for mercy!

Graphics: 8.5
Sound: 9
Gameplay: 8.5
Longevity: 7

Overall: 8.5

Double Silver Award

THE SCISSORWOMAN?!?!

In 2007 a Japanese horror film was released based on a rumor that ran rampant throughout early 1980’s Japan — the Slit (or Severed) Mouth Woman! This horrible disfigured lady apparently roamed the streets of rural Japan looking for children to answer her one simple, deadly question: “AM I PRETTY?” The wrong response was met with grave consequences. Through comic books and magazines this became a popular urban myth. It became such a hysteria that ALL students were forbidden to go home alone and groups were formed for safety. There was even an incident where a lady chasing some kids was struck by a car. Her mouth was revealed to have been slit from ear to ear! Was it the Slit Mouth Woman?

This mysterious and deranged woman wore a surgical mask to cover her scar. In addition, she wielded a giant pair of scissors similar to Scissorman. Was Clock Tower influenced in any way by the Slit Mouthed Woman urban legend of 1980’s Japan? We don’t know for sure, but I can tell you this, the 2007 movie is creepy as hell! I saw it with my cousins (again, poor David) and they could barely finish it! As most Japanese horror films tend to be, and much like Clock Tower the game itself, the movie is something of a slow burn. But once it gets going, shit hits the fan. Some of the scenes still haunt me to this day. Even I felt a little uneasy… there’s something about the movie that makes you feel terribly unsettled…

The movie is known as “Carved.” There was also a sequel. It wasn’t too bad for a sequel, but much like Halloween itself, the original will always be the best. I recommend this film to horror buffs. It’s sick, twisted and if you happen to love Scissorman as much as I do, this is the closest we might ever get to seeing Scissorman in movie form. Who doesn’t love a good old fashion ghost story urban legend? I don’t know why but any movie taking place in rural Japan is automatically 50 times scarier and creepier than any American horror film. Those Japanese artists have some sick minds. Carved is a solid slasher and the fact that it’s based off a real Japan urban legend “Kuchisake Onna” makes it all the more unsettling and spooky.

Not even the kids were safe in this film — Not even the kids were safe in this twisted film

"AM I PRETTY???" [Sweet dreams tonight eh? -Ed.] — ***“AM I PRETTY???”***

Click for more info on the Slit Mouthed Woman.

Warning: the following video is a bit creepy. Watch at your own discretion:

Sweet dreams indeed, eh?

Finally, looking for more Halloween-esque games to play on the SNES? I got you covered! Check out my SNES Halloween Special.

Goosebumps Memories

Going to the library as a kid was awesome

Growing up there weren’t many things better than going to the local library. Unlike a trip to the toy or video game store, with the library you knew you were never coming home empty-handed. A journey to the library meant wild adventures with seafaring pirates, chocolate factory crazed CEOs and magical phantom tollbooths. Your imagination had no limits and each book took you somewhere exciting and new. My childhood is filled with good memories of heading to the local library with my parents and my best friend, Nelson.

These books shaped a generation of readers

For kids growing up in the mid ’90s, GOOSEBUMPS was a phenomenon. It was a monthly horror series for kids. The books were not really scary but R.L. Stine found lightning in a bottle. Dark humor, twist endings and spooky happenings that was as addictive as it was macabre. Many kids in the mid ’90s became readers because of R.L. Stine’s tentpole series. Because of Goosebumps I came to love reading. Not only that but I became interested in writing as well. I am far from the only ’90s kid for which that rings true. 20+ years ago all the kids were reading them and discussing the latest chapter (excuse the pun) in the famed franchise out on the playground. The writing wasn’t Hemingway or Fitzgerald, and there was a certain cheesiness to them, but in a way, it was all part of the charm. And a sign of the times. It was more about the feelings that these books evoked. Seeing a new Goosebumps book on the shelf sent a quick shiver down your spine. Be it mutant worms or sinister scarecrows, the books gave kids a rush like few other books did.

THE BIRTH OF A MONSTER

This is where it all began... — *“Hear a knock on the door and the night begins…”*

It all began in July 1992. Right away the embossed title and spooky artwork grabbed my attention. At the time there really wasn’t anything else quite like it. WELCOME TO DEAD HOUSE. Oh wait, is it called Goosebumps, or Welcome to Dead House? And just who is that creepy bedraggled figure in the window there? So many questions raced through my mind. And so too for Amanda and Josh, the two protagonists of the story. Arriving at their new home in Dark Falls, they can’t help but feel a strange sense of dread about their neighborhood. Despite being the middle of July, there seems to be an artificial darkness created by massive, overhanging tree limbs. Dark brown leaves and shadows are everywhere. Just who is that ghost in the house that Amanda saw? And with this classic first entry, the cult series was off and running.

Looks like he took 'going green' a bit too seriously — Someone took going green too seriously

STAY OUT OF THE BASEMENT was its second entry in the series.

It’s a lovely warm winter day in California. Siblings Margaret and Casey Brewer are outside playing frisbee. Margaret flings the frisbee her dad’s way as he passes through the backyard. Mr. Brewer gruffly declines, stating he has too much work to do in the basement. But, what exactly does he do in the basement, anyhow? Neither Margaret nor Casey knows, but something is happening down there…

Ever since he got fired from PolyTech, their dad has buried himself away in the basement. Slaving away at all hours of the night, he’s been experimenting with plants. Once, Margaret tried to get a sneak peek at her father’s laboratory, only for him to fire her a stone cold glare, yelling STAY OUTTA THE BASEMENT!

MONSTER BLOOD is codename for MUTAGEN — *MONSTER BLOOD* is codename for MUTAGEN…

Goosebumps returned in September 1992 with its third entry, Monster Blood. It opens with 12 year old Evan Ross being dropped off at his creepy old aunt Kathryn’s for a few days. He soon bumps into Andy, a cute 12 year old girl in the neighborhood, who asks him to accompany her into town to pick up an early birthday present for her cousin. All too happy to oblige, Evan joins her as the two end up at a toy store in town called Wagner’s Novelties and Sundries. There they find a metal can with the words MONSTER BLOOD written on it. Naturally, the shopkeeper warns them not to buy it but they insist and pandemonium soon ensues.

Perhaps the most well known entry — An excerpt from *Night of the Living Dummy*

Kris rearranged her pillows, then glanced across the room to the window. The dummy’s face was half covered in shadow now. But the eyes glowed as if he were alive. And they stared into hers as if they were trying to tell her something. Why does he have to grin like that, Kris asked herself, trying to rub away the prickly feeling on the back of her neck. She pulled up the sheet, settled into the bed, and turned on her side, away from the wide, staring eyes. But still, even with her back turned, she could feel them gazing at her. Even with her eyes closed and the covers pulled up to her head, she could picture the shadowy, distorted grin, the unblinking eyes. Staring at her. Staring. Staring. She drifted into an uncomfortable sleep, drifted into yet another nightmare. Someone was chasing her…

I became a hopeless fanatic after reading this one

Goosebumps was quickly turning into a household name. Initially, I purposely avoided it. I was a quirky kid: if something became too popular and I was not there in the beginning as a fan, then I hated hopping on the bandwagon. So while everyone at my school was raving about Goosebumps, I stubbornly held out. That all changed one fateful day in late ’93. It was reading time in Mr. G’s 5th grade class. I chose The Girl Who Cried Monster. Figured it couldn’t hurt to read a few pages. A few pages turned into the entire book. It was a spin-off on the classic tale The Boy Who Cried Wolf. Lucy is obsessed with monsters. Late one night, in search of her roller blades, Lucy gets locked in when the librarian closes up shop. She never realized how spooky the library can be until she found herself shrouded in its dark, twisted corridors. That’s when she discovers a horrifying truth: Mr. Mortman is a monster!

Plucked it off the shelf and never looked back — Sometimes it pays to give into the hype

I’ll never forget standing there that day in 5th grade, staring at Mr. G’s books trying to pick one to read for silent reading time. I saw The Girl Who Cried Monster near the top of the shelf and finally succumbed. I never looked back.

My all-time favorite Goosebumps book — My all time favorite *Goosebumps* book

October 1993. In time for Halloween, The Haunted Mask is one of the greatest Goosebumps books of all time. It tells the tale of Carly Beth: a shy, overly trusting, reserved girl bullied by some guys at school. Carly Beth is often a target for torment. After being scared yet again by the bullies, Carly Beth decided it was time to deliver a little payback. Riding into town she heads for the local costume shop. Distraught that it’s closed for the evening, fate stepped in. The mysterious owner of the store opened the door, ushering her in. As the owner tends to his shop, Carly Beth stumbles into the backroom where she finds the most hideous and grotesque mask one could ever hope to see. The owner refuses to sell her the one she wants, but she throws her money at him and takes off. After racing home she puts the mask on. It feels horribly warm and flesh-like. Her voice changes as well as even her demeanor when adorning the foul mask. The more she put it on, the harder it became to take off. What follows is an unforgettable Halloween night of mischief, revenge and terror. Steve and Chuck get the scare of their lives, and Carly Beth relishes her ultimate conquest. However, Halloween is now over… and the mask just won’t come off. Packed with Halloween atmosphere, The Haunted Mask is arguably R.L. Stine’s finest work.

By December 1993 there wasn’t a single kid who didn’t have Goosebumps fever. The last entry that year was The Werewolf of Fever Swamp. One of the gnarliest covers in the series, the book opens with this chilling intro:

We moved to Florida during Christmas vacation. A week later, I heard the frightening howls in the swamp for the first time. Night after night, the howls made me sit up in bed. I would hold my breath and wrap my arms around myself to keep from shivering. I would stare out my bedroom window at the chalk-colored full moon. And I would listen. What kind of creature makes such a cry? I’d ask myself. And how close is it? Why does it sound as if it’s right outside my window? The wails rose and fell like police car sirens. They weren’t sad or mournful. They were menacing. Angry. They sounded like a warning.

You Can’t Scare Me opened up 1994 with a bang. The 15th entry in the franchise, it sported a strikingly creepy cover that you couldn’t help but stare long and hard at. The aesthetic of the design is perfect. From the embossed title to the memorable artwork to the cheesy little tagline, each book’s cover was special in its own way.

Courtney is a total show-off. She thinks she’s so brave and she’s always making fun of Eddie and his friends. But Eddie’s had enough. Eddie is going to scare Courtney once and for all. And he’s got the perfect plan. He’s going to lure her down to MUDDY CREEK. Because Eddie knows she believes in that silly rumor about the monsters. Mud monsters that live in the creek. It’s too bad Eddie doesn’t believe the rumors…

Come one, come all. Thrills, chills and spills... — Thrills, chills and spills…

#16, One Day At HorrorLand, still haunts me to this day. As a little kid I always fancied amusement parks and small town carnivals. It always spooked me to think… what if the attraction site holds a terrible secret… a secret no one is supposed to ever know. What if there was a bloody murder or mishap years ago that haunts the place? I mean, working in a carnival has got to drive one a bit nutty. Who knows what kind of death trap we could be stepping in? One Day At HorrorLand examines those childhood fears and more.

When the Morris family got lost trying to find Zoo Gardens Theme Park, they stumbled onto another amusement park instead. Never seen or heard of before, there are no lines, no crowds and no hassle at HorrorLand. It seems to be everything one could ask for: killer rides and none of the wait. But as the Morris family is about to find out, the rides are killer indeed. Because there’s something weird about the rides at HorrorLand…

Looking at the back cover was such good times

One of my favorite things about Goosebumps was reading the back cover. It always sported a lovely caption along with prose that made you want to read the whole book in one sitting right then and there. But the best part was down at the bottom. It actually revealed the title of next month’s entry! Why I’m Afraid of Bees, #17 in the series, is one I will never forget. My best friend Nelson received the book one cold morning. Nelly and I sat across the room from each other. I saw his jaw drop as he read the back cover. What could it be? Nelly showed me the back cover but being across the room I couldn’t quite make it out. That’s when Nelson flipped to the end of the book where there was a page with bigger text. And there I saw it.

At that point I knew about sequels in the world of movies and video games. But I never saw a sequel to a book before. Mind you I was 10 at the time and not the biggest book connoisseur, but yeah. It just blew my mind that R.L. Stine was penning a sequel to one of the most iconic books in his famed franchise. It gave Nelson and me great hope that there may be sequels for other greats in the months to come, such as Night of the Living Dummy and The Haunted Mask. (We got our wish, by the way).

Wasn't it facing the OTHER way a moment ago? — Wasn’t it facing the ***OTHER*** way a moment ago?

#20 in the series holds a distinct soft spot in my heart. I have always been big on round numbers and coming out in May 1994, it was the last book order of 5th grade. Heading into the summer with the latest Goosebumps entry sounded like a pretty bang up way to kickstart one’s summer. And one of the coolest things about these books was hoping and wishing that R.L. Stine would write one centered around a certain monster or nightmare you were particularly fond of. For me, it was scarecrows. I’d always been fascinated by them; the idea that evil spirits could possess them was a scary thought. With their hideous burlap faces and twisted bodies, scarecrows are the last thing I want to stand next to under a full moon. No thank you!

Not as great as the original, but an admirable effort — Not as great as the first, but an admirable effort

October 1995. The long awaited sequel to The Haunted Mask finally arrives, a full two years later. This time, Steve (the bully from the first book) finds a horrible mask and it latches onto him like a face hugger. Yeah, sure, it makes Steve the king of scares on this Halloween night, but the problem is, the longer Steve wears the decrepit mask, the older and older his body feels…

R.L. STINE BEFORE GOOSEBUMPS

These books were taboo to us back in the day — Taboo stuff to us back in the day

In the early ’90s it was a weekly tradition for my mom to take me and my best friend, Nelson, to our local library. On our way to the children’s section we had to pass by the aisle containing teen novels, displayed in movable glass panels. Their cover would stick out and you could see some of the books. One day in late ’92 Nelson and I were strolling by when we caught sight of a cover so incredibly disturbing and creepy that it would forever haunt us. A high school cheerleader, possessed by an evil spirit, clutches her pom pom. But there was something eerie and unnatural about the pom pom. We did a double take and realized there was a skull staring back at us. Nelson and I, in our typical exaggerated dorkiness, looked at each other, looked back at the book cover, then looked back at one another with our mouths wide open. We forced ourselves to creep toward the teen section to get a closer look. It stood high on the top glass panel as not to be touched. He dared me to read it. Naturally, I countered by double dog daring him. Finally, after some back and forth ribbing, we agreed to call it a tie. Maybe one day we’ll both read it, but for now, hey, we were only 9 years old…

One of those childhood images that haunts you — A haunting childhood image indeed

R.L. Stine’s teen horror novels from that point on became the stuff legends were made of. Nelson and I would peek at the covers whenever we went to the library, but neither of us dared to even pick one up. We definitely made them out to be scarier than they were, but it was all part of the fun of being a kid and being best friends with someone who also loved monsters and horror as much as you did. Throughout ’93 and ’94 it became sort of a running joke between the two of us to see who would read the first teen horror novel. Nelson and I both saw Stine’s teen novels as Goosebumps on steroids. While they scared me as a kid, that didn’t stop me from admiring the covers whenever I stopped by the book store or the library. One of the most gripping and memorable covers was CURTAINS. The image of the lady trying to stab the guy is one that has never left me. These teen novels seemed legitimately disturbing, especially when you were 9 or 10. Even more than 20 years later, most of their art covers are still firmly embedded in my mind.

To this day the covers remains embedded in my soul — To this day the covers remain embedded in my soul

THE NEXT LEVEL OF FEAR

Still waiting for someone to turn this into a movie!

Fall 1995. I just began the 7th grade. It was silent sustained reading (SSR) time in my language arts class. I thumbed through my teacher’s library of books, trying to find something decent to pass the time. That’s when I first stumbled upon The Babysitter. It’s actually one of the older books R.L. Stine wrote. The Babysitter tells the awful tale of a high school babysitter being stalked by a stranger in the night. Creepy stuff. The back had the best description:

From the minute Jenny accepted the Hagen babysitting job, she knew she had made a mistake. First there was the dark and disheveled Hagen house, moaning and groaning with her every step. Then the crank phone calls started. “Hey babe. Are you all alone? COMPANY’S COMING.” When Jenny discovered a creepy neighbor prowling in the backyard and a threatening note in her backpack, she realized this wasn’t just a harmless game. But who would want to hurt her? What kind of maniac wanted to scare Jenny… to death?

I love this book and actually reread it about six years ago. It holds up well; I believe it’s perhaps Stine’s finest work. Published in the summer of 1989, it also has the distinction of being one of his earliest efforts. The Babysitter made ya think twice, even thrice, about babysitting.

SEND IN THE CLONES!

Talk about shop 'til ya drop. Sheesh... — Talk about shop ’til ya drop. Sheesh…

As with anything else that catches fire, inevitably you’ll get some clones popping up in an attempt to get their own slice of the pie. Goosebumps inspired a string of horror novel series for kids. The first I can recall was Betsy Haynes’ Bone Chillers. Even the title was embossed! There was no shame. The Bone Chillers series opened with Beware the Shopping Mall and ran for a solid 20-plus entries. Of all the clones, I liked this one the most. I’m particularly fond of Frankenturkey. It’s as absurd as it is abominable. Like the other clones, I never chose Bone Chillers over Goosebumps, but they were a decent alternative whenever the latest Goosebumps book was checked out at the library. Hell, there was even a 13 episode run of Bone Chillers on ABC television in the mid-late ’90s. Not bad, Miss Haynes, not bad at all.

Shadow Zone's art is Mystery Theatre 3000 material — The art is Mystery Theatre 3000 material

Ah, Shadow Zone. My least favorite of the clones, it does hold a special spot in my heart, though. My mom took me and Nelson to the library as usual one day, and we saw Shadow Zone sitting there. Another clone, I thought to myself, and I know Nelson thought the same. There’s something unspeakably awesome about discovering something alongside your best friend. The books themselves weren’t very good. They seemed to lack the charm of Goosebumps. The artwork was also quite awful. The Goosebumps covers were more often hit than miss, but Shadow Zone had some terribly unappealing art Nevertheless, Shadow Zone was a sign of the times: a time when seemingly everyone and their brother was hopping on the youth horror novel bandwagon. If nothing else, it gave us plenty of choices to choose from.

"PRECIOUSSSSSSS..." — *“PRECIOUSSSSSSS…”*

Deadtime Stories. Again with the popular embossed letters, this series was written by the Cascone sisters. I felt it fell somewhere in-between Bone Chillers and Shadow Zone. It wasn’t bad, but it was not my favorite of the clones either. It was just… kinda there. They did have some pretty badass covers, though, so I’ll give them that much. The Faerie Tale one sticks out in mind… it was genuinely creepy to see back in the day, and even now it remains a bit unsettling to look at.

That's Chucky if I ever saw him. So bloody blatant... — That’s Chucky if I ever saw him. So bloody blatant…

Tom B. Stone. So hilariously b-movie bad that it's freaking EPIC — Tom B. Stone. So hilariously b-movie epic

Finally, we have Graveyard School. They were unique in the sense that all the stories revolved around the students of Graveyard School. It was cool to see some sort of connection from one book to the next. Plus, as a kid I got a huge kick out of the author’s fake name, Tom B. Stone. Oh Mr. Stone, you are a funny one, good sir. I was not a huge fan, though. Like Deadtime Stories it was just kind of there for me. Still, not a bad read from time to time when Goosebumps was checked out.

Tom was clearly 'stoned' writing it. Sorry — Tom was clearly ‘stoned’ writing it. Sorry

AND A SPECIAL SHOUT OUT TO…

The stuff nightmares were made of — The stuff nightmares are made of

I would be gravely remiss if I didn’t give a special mention to SCARY STORIES to Tell in the Dark. Published in 1981, it’s one of those infamous books we saw in bookstores growing up that we wanted to pick up but were too scared to. I finally read through it in the 4th grade. And simply put, it scared the shit out of me. The stories were as disturbing as the twisted artwork itself. It seemed like something that crawled straight out of hell. Those eerie black and white drawings are firmly embedded in my soul. If you grew up in the ’80s and ’90s, you probably have a memory of Scary Stories as well. It was just one of those infamous books that everyone knew about. It was damn near mythical.

Perhaps the most infamous image of them all — Perhaps the most haunting image of them all

The one story that haunts me most, as well as many others, is the one about the lady who got bit by a spider. A red spot appears on her left cheek. She thinks nothing of it. One day she begins scratching it because it’s so itchy. The spot pops and out comes crawling dozens of baby spiders. Ugh. The drawing still creeps me out to this day. This was the story my friends and I always referred to whenever we talked about Alvin Schwartz’s Scary Stories book. In fact, they’re making a movie about it. I’m excited to see how it turns out. If it’s half as disturbing as the book was, it will be a mega-hit! Do our childhood proud, Guillermo Del Toro!

Them good old days, eh? — Check out the trailer here!

CLOSING THOUGHTS

Goosebumps played a big role during my childhood. Not only did they cement me as an avid reader, but it grew my love for horror. Goosebumps came during a special period in my life. Right around 1993 and ’94 when the SNES, Saturday morning cartoons and toys were all running wild — what a great time to be a kid. My old best friend Nelson and I used to have friendly competitions where we’d see which one of us could read the latest book each month first. Then we would discuss our thoughts the next day out on the playground. It was all part of the fun. Talk to any kid who grew up during the mid ’90s and they’re sure to fondly recall Goosebumps. Yeah, it was a little cheesy. But there is no denying the success the franchise enjoyed and the profound impact it had on a generation of kids who are now grown adults. Thanks in big part to R.L. Stine, we came to love books and things that go bump in the night. Simply put, Goosebumps struck lightning in a bottle, and I’m lucky to have lived through that era. Looking back, it was truly a magical time.

It was nice reading all the books again 14 years ago

We'll never forget thee! — We’ll never forget thee!

Whoa! That's one sick mash-up — Whoa! That’s one sick mash-up

See more great mock covers here!

8 more days to Halloween, Halloween... — 8 more days to Halloween, Halloween…

Halloween Memories

A night of magic, wonder and scares — *“And the blackest eyes… the devil’s eyes…”*

Halloween. One of my favorite times of the year, October brings to mind so many fond memories. I love Halloween — the ghoulish sights and sounds, the trick or treating tomfoolery, the spooky atmosphere, watching horror movies on a rainy night in the dark, playing scary video games and so forth. I just love everything about it. Hell, Halloween is one of my favorite movies of all time. Tonight I’m proud to share three different stories all related to Halloween. So kick back, grab a cold one and enjoy…

But first, click here as the theme accompanies the text to follow:

THE NIGHT HE CAME HOME

In 1989 my uncle took me to a local mom and pop shop called Video Mart. The box art of HALLOWEEN captivated my six year old imagination. It was my favorite holiday. And I always had a thing for horror, even at six. My uncle was the cool, laid back type, so he obliged, renting the film thinking I could handle it.

I ended up watching the film largely behind my couch, and that night I had a nightmare of Michael Myers chasing me. I became a life long fan from that point on. Go figure.

There isn’t a Halloween that goes by where I don’t pop in at least one of the Halloween films. Besides, there’s something else that will forever connect me with the famed horror franchise…

So what is Halloween? For those living under a rock for the last nearly 40 years…

It's a freaking classic, that's what — It’s a freaking classic, that’s what

It always happens in a sleepy town... — It always happens in a sleepy town…

Made and released in 1978 on a shoestring budget, it went on to win the hearts of horror fans everywhere, plus critical acclaim. It had a classic mysterious villain, a great lead in Jamie Lee Curtis and took place in the fictional sleepy midwestern town of Haddonfield, Illinois. And in one night, Michael Myers turned Haddonfield into his own personal bloody playground.

He's there one second... — He’s there one second…

... and gone the next! — … and gone the next…

An unrelenting machine and force of nature — An unrelenting machine and a force of nature

The boogeyman haunted many of us growing up

... coz here comes MIKEY! — … the boogeyman cometh!

HUNTING THE SHAPE

Nelson and I were best buds from Kindergarten-7th grade. That’s when I moved. We reconnected in the 2000s. Over the years we’ve kept in touch and although we’re no longer best friends, we have history of over 25 years. It’s one of those things where we may go weeks or even months without contact, but whenever we get back in touch it’s like we never left.

Two months ago I decided to visit ole Nelly for the weekend so we could catch up and hang out. We set out to visit Disneyland since it was about 30 minutes away from his place. Yup, weekend at Nelly’s.

Driving on the way to Nelson’s, my heart stopped when I saw a striking neighborhood that rang some serious deja vu bells in my head. As my car rumbled on down the road I couldn’t help but burn a hole through my rear view mirror as I desperately tried to steal a glimpse at what I just drove by. Was it, could it be? No way… I passed a few traffic lights before finally pulling over. I just had to find out if my gut was right or not before heading to Nelson’s. Busted out my phone and typed into Google:

“HALLOWEEN 1978 FILMING LOCATIONS”

A website came up, and an address in South Pasadena was given. My hands were shaking as I punched said address into Google Maps.

HOLY SHIT.

“1.8 miles away.”

I had just drove by one of the iconic Halloween filming locations! HADDONFIELD IN THE FLESH! The Halloween super geek in me was coming out big time. What were the odds that my childhood best friend (who also loved the Halloween franchise) would turn out to live 3 miles away from “Haddonfield” ? It was a moment of true serendipity. I texted Nelson and said I’d be coming 30 minutes late. It was a personal pilgrimage I simply had to brave for myself solo first.

And this is what I found that fateful day…

Holy crap, there I stood, at the very location nearly 40 years later!

After geeking out (and possibly even vlogging the moment), I drove the 3 miles over to Nelson’s. I showed him the pictures (and possibly video) I took. He was marking out too. He moved to LA about 7 months ago, but had no idea he lived 3 miles away from “Haddonfield.” Next thing you know, we’re on an impromptu trip down memory lane as we drove all over South Pasadena looking for a ton of Halloween nostalgia live in the flesh.

This is what we found that day.

The Myers' house from 1978 — The Myers’ house from 1978

The house, now a business office, in 2016

Michael Myers’ house was demolished and moved to a new location. It now serves as an office. Despite the disappointment of that, Nelson and I still sat there in awe. Reminiscing and laughing about the good old days, that’s when we noticed a DirecTv satellite dish on the side of the house. We also could hear the loud humming of an air conditioner. It was a hot August day in Haddonfield… the dog days of summer, indeed. That’s when I said, “What the hell, Michael Myers watching Game of Thrones with the AC on? DUDE IS GETTING SOFT!” Nelson added in, “What’s Michael Myers doing browsing PornHub!?”

We probably shouldn’t have cracked up so hard, but we did. Nelson and I laughed up a storm until we were nearly teary eyed. Man, I hadn’t laugh that good in quite a while. A mere hour prior to this, we both just assumed we’d catch up a bit and find Mickey. Little did we know! Instead, we found ourselves reconnecting and hunting a boogeyman who has haunted us both since childhood. Suddenly, we were chasing a ghost from our past. A ghost with no face. “And the blackest eyes… the devil’s eyes.” (Rest in Peace, Donald Pleasence)

Each filming location foray brought me and Nelson closer to the edge of a bygone era. An age we both thought had all but disappeared. It was like slipping through the back door of a time machine. Suddenly, we were wide-eyed kids again. Unjaded and uncorrupted by the foul orders of life and growing up.

Another classic scene from the 1978 masterpiece

Wow. Standing there taking this pic sent goosebumps up and down my spine. The best part about this whole ordeal was the complete random unplanned nature of it all. We didn’t even know Haddonfield was right in Nelson’s backyard! It’s true — sometimes the best things in life are completely unexpected.

Laurie Strode's house — Laurie Strode’s house

The elementary school they used in the film

All in all, it was one of those epic weekends that stay with you long after the twilight of Sunday passes. Every once in a while you just need to get away from it all and have a good old fashioned adventure with your best buddy.

DOUG’S HALLOWEEN ADVENTURE

October 30, 1994 is a night I’ll always remember. Halloween Eve. On this night a cartoon episode entitled Doug’s Halloween Adventure aired. Little did I know then just how much my real life Halloween adventure THE VERY NEXT NIGHT would reflect what happened in this epic episode. But more on that later…

Doug was pretty much the cartoon version of The Wonder Years, and I absolutely loved it. This episode is the best one of the Doug show, and possibly of all shows. It just fits the Halloween mood perfectly and to me epitomizes the word “adventure.” I’m proud to present a retelling of this awesome tale. Enjoy.

It all started a LOOONG time ago, when the powerful Baron Von Hecklehoffer fell in love with a beautiful maiden. To win her love, he built a gigantic mansion. It took him seventeen looong years, but he did it.

Finally, on the day they got married, he brought his new bride to the house.

He swept her into his arms and ran up the steps

Then he pushed the door open for the first time — He pushed the massive door open for the first time

He stepped on to the threshold and -- SPLAT! — He stepped across the threshold and — SPLAT!

He forgot to put in a floor.

And ever since they plunged to their horrible bloody deaths there’s been a CURSE on the house.

And few have dared to enter it. OH SURE, there were people who said they didn’t believe in haunted houses, at least until they crossed…

THE THRESHOLD OF DEATH!

Let’s just say — they never stayed too long…

That is… no one living…

… Until one day, a scary hooded guy, whose face nobody ever saw, decided to put the house to better use…

And right in the middle of the park is the scariest ride ever – a ride through a real haunted house — BLOODSTONE MANOR! MWAHAHAHAHA!

“And tonight is the grand opening, and you and I are going in! Cool, huh?!”

“Y-Y-Y-eah, great.”

You know, Halloween is usually my most favorite holiday.

Free candy, spooky pumpkins and costumes, but this year was a little different. This year Skeeter was making me go to the grand opening of the scariest ride ever made.

I was hoping maybe I wouldn’t be TOO scared, because I was going as somebody really great — RACE CANYON.

“HA! I made it. The infamous Bloodstone Manor!”

“Not so fast, Doctor Canyon. Are you ready to cross the Threshold of Death?”

*Doug whips a rope around the neck of the hooded guy*

“What’s the matter, big boy? You look… whipped!”

“Nice going, Doug!”

“No problem, Doctor Canyon.”

“Oh, and nice outfit.”

“Why thanks!”

*Doug slides down the stairs*

“DUM-DA-DUM-DUM! DUM-DA-DUM!”

“Awww, is little Dougie dressed up to go twick-or-tweeting?”

“No Judy, I’m going to Bloodstone Manor. You get in free if you wear a costume.”

“Bloodstone Manor?!? I hear that’s unbelievably terrifying!”

“It’s just a ride, Judy. How scary can it be?”

"So, you think you're brave, do you? — *“So, you think you’re brave, do you?*

Find out tonight at Funky Town when Bloodstone Manor opens its doors to give you the scare of your life — or DEATH! Wear a costume and get in free. But once you cross the Threshold, there’s NO turning back!

MWAHAHAHA!”

"So Skeet, uh, you ready to go trick or treating?" — *“So Skeet, uh, you ready to go trick or treating?”*

“Trick or treating? But Doug, I thought we were going to ride Bloodstone Manor?”

“You’re not gonna pass up free candy, are ya, man?”

“But there’s gonna be HUGE lines if we don’t get to Funky Town early! We might NOT get on!”

“That’d be terrible… well, I guess we better get started trick or treating.”

“Uh, Doug, don’t you think we’re a bit too old for trick or treating?”

“Naw, you’re never too old for free candy.”

“8 o’clock! C’mon man! Let’s get to Funky Town! We only got two hours!”

Two hours? How much longer could I stall? We already been around the neighborhood twice.

"Oooooh, who chopped off my head? Ooooh" — *“Oooooh, who chopped off my head? Ooooh”*

“Hey Roger.”

“I told you we’d scare the pants off them! You should have seen your faces. So, who are you two supposed to be? A hobo and a bath tub?”

“No, man. I’m a spaceship from Space Munks, you know, the video game! And he’s Race Canyon.”

“HA! Oh brother! YOU’RE Race Canyon? More like… Race CHICKEN!”

“Hey Roger, let’s see how brave Race Chicken is!”

“Yeah, he can be the first one to TP Mr. Bone’s house!”

“C’mon Race, let’s see you in action.”

“But Roger, we can’t do this.”

“Chicken! Chicken!”

“I am not chicken, it’s just — ”

“Then DO IT why don’t cha?”

"... C'mon Skeeter, let's go" — *“… C’mon Skeeter, let’s go”*

"Great! We're just in time for the show! Hurry!" — *“Great! We’re just in time for the show! Hurry!”*

Who was I kidding? How was I gonna cross the Threshold of Death when I didn’t even have the nerve to TP a house?

“C’mon Doug we gotta go!”

“I can’t, Skeeter. I’m sorry but…”

“What do I need that hat for anyhow? I’m no Race Canyon.”

"That's OK... we can always go some other time..." — *“That’s OK… we can always go some other time…”*

Doug's crush -- Patti Mayonnaise — Doug’s crush — Patti Mayonnaise

“Hey guys, whacha doin’? Trick or treating?”

“Naw uh! No way, no, nope, no…”

“Yeah, me neither. My dad’s taking me to Bebe’s costume party. Cool costumes. Are you some sort of spaceship, Skeeter?”

“And you, Doug, you look like — ”

“I know, I know. A hobo.”

Doug is about to "level up" — Doug is about to “level up”

“Actually I was going to say Race Canyon, but without the hat.”

“You really think so?”

“Yeah! If you were a little taller, I’d say you were the spitting image!”

*Doug daydreams*

“I’ll handle this. BEAT IT!”

"Ohhh Race. Yer mah hero!" — *“Ohhh Race. Yer mah hero!”*

“Say Patty, I don’t suppose you and your dad could drop us off at Bloodstone Manor? Gotta cross the Threshold of Death.”

“All right, man!”

*GET YOURSELF TO FUNKY TOWN!*

“I can’t believe it. You guys are going to Bloodstone Manor, and you’re not scared?”

“Of course not.”

“Well I am! I’d never go on it after what happened to those two guys.”

“Well, you can’t let a little — two guys, what two guys?”

“Yeah, they say when they were testing it, two workers rode in, but the only thing that came out… were THEIR SHOES! MWAHAHAHAHA!”

“Daddy! Stop it.”

“Well, you can’t believe everything, who told you this?”

“Skeeter. See ya!”

“What’s this about shoes?”

“Oh they’re just rumors, man. Like that stuff about the maniac.”

“Maniac?! What do you mean, maniac!?”

“Well they say the guy in the hood, you know the guy who bought the house and brought it here, some people think he’s STILL in there.”

*Doug gasps*

“You can’t believe every — oh maaan! Look at that line. Eight-thirty. Oh that’s just great!”

*75 minutes later*

“Nine forty-five. Fifteen minutes til it closes. We’re almost there!”

“Step all the way into the strange realm of the supernatural. Abandon all ye food or drinks”

“What’s happening?! Can you see!?”

“Well, if it ain’t Chicken Boy and Bath Tub, thanks for saving my place!”

“We didn’t — ”

“Attention everybody, the park is now closing.”

“WHAT?!?!”

“Hey, we still got fifteen minutes!”

“Why don’t you go to the gift shop. I’m outta here!”

memhall61 — *“I can’t believe it, after we waited all this time!”*

“Hey look!”

“You guys thinking what I’m thinking?”

“Roger, the guy says they’re closed.”

“Who, that loser? We still got fifteen minutes. We’re within our legal rights.”

“I dunno, Roger…”

“Chicken, chicken!”

“He’s right, man. We still have fifteen minutes before the park closes up.”

“Alright then. Let’s do this….”

“Welcome. I have a special treat in store for… TRESPASSERS. As you can see, there’s no way out of this room, except for…

... STRAIGHT DOWN! BWAHAHAHA!" — *… STRAIGHT DOWN! BWAHAHAHA!”*

“Ooooh man, now what are we gonna do?”

“Oh no!”

"Kind of a short ride, isn't it?" — *“Kind of a short ride, isn’t it?”*

"Wait, look! It's a trick, mirrors or something!" — *“Wait, look! It’s a trick, mirrors or something!”*

“Cool!”

“Yeah, c-c-cool…”

“Easy, Roger. There’s nothing to be — ”

“You’ve crossed the Threshold of Death. There’s no turning back now.

I see you found the dining room…

*TICK TOCK TICK TOCK*

And I see by the grandfather clock it’s time to eat. Sit down, SIT DOWN! You don’t want your food to get cold, do you?”

“I’m not so sure I feel hungry…”

“I thought you might enjoy a small salad!”

"Look out look out!" — *“Look out look out!”*

*Ride comes to a screeching halt*

“HUH?”

“Hey! What’s going on?”

“Uh oh…”

“What is it, Skeet?”

"It's 10 o'clock, man... they're closing the park!" — *“It’s 10 o’clock, man… they’re closing the park!”*

“HEEEEELP!”

“Wait a minute, Roger. I’m sure we can find a way out somewhere if we just don’t panic.”

“Hey man, it looks like there’s some stairs leading down!”

“NO WAY, I ain’t going NOWHERE!”

“Oh c’mon Roger, quit kidding.”

“Wait, Doug! Don’t leave!”

“What is it, Roger?”

“Did you hear something? I thought I heard something.”

“We’re getting outta here. We’ll find somebody to get this ride going again.”

*Doug and Skeeter set off while Roger stays back*

*10 minutes later*

“That must be Roger over there, c’mon Doug!”

“I think I may be scared now…”

“HELP ME! DOUG! SKEETER!”

“What are we gonna do, Doug?”

“Where IS everybody? You thinking what I’m thinking?”

“Run away?”

“Right…”

“HEEEEEEELP MEEEEE!!!!”

“No Skeeter. We can’t leave Roger behind. We gotta go back.”

“I was afraid you’d say that.”

"AH! ... Boy, they sure make these things look real, don't they?" — *“They sure make these things look real, don’t they?”*

"WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE??" — *“WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE??”*

“AHHH! W-W-We were just looking for our friend, sir, and we think… he might be here in your… lovely home?”

“Your friend is NOT here. GET OUT!”

“Yes sir. Thank you sir. C’mon Doug. You heard the nice maniac… Roger’s not here.”

“C’mon guys! This way!”

“Skeet! That’s Roger!”

“No, man! It just sounds like him. C’mon!”

What was I doing? Running away like a little chicken, just like before. Leaving Roger at a time like this.

“Doug! What are YOU doing?”

“Excuse me, sir, we’re not leaving without Roger.”

“THIS WAY…”

“Over here, you morons! Alright, when I see them coming I’ll shout TRICK or TREAT, and then you guys CREAM them, got it?”

"Got it! Heh heh heh" — *“Got it! Heh heh heh”*

“Roger’s outside, but how?”

*Maniac hits rewind*

“Those goons. I bet they think I’m a chicken. AH HA! Well, we’ll JUST see who’s the chicken!”

“That weasel…”

“So he tricked us!”

“… That rat! We go through all this trouble and now we get EGGED.”

"HAHAHA... NOT NECESSARILY... HAHAHAHAHA!" — *“HAHAHA… NOT NECESSARILY… HAHAHAHAHA!”*

“I’m f-f-f-freezing…”

“Hey! Can it! They’ll be out soon. I wonder what’s taking those guys so long?”

“ROOOGER! WIIIILLY!”

“Shut up Boomer!”

“I didn’t say anything, Roger.”

“Then who…”

"IT WAS ME.... LOOK WHAT YOU DID TO US, ROGER!" — *“IT WAS ME… LOOK WHAT YOU DID TO US, ROGER!”*

“What the — ! Y-Y-Y-You’re….”

“WE’RE GHOSTS, THAT’S WHAT!”

"AND NOW WE'RE GONNA HAFTA HAUNT YOU FOREVER... I guess" — *“And now we’re gonna haunt you forever… I guess”*

"WHERE ARE YOU GOING? YOU'RE NOT CHICKEN, ARE YA?!" — *“WHERE ARE YOU GOING? Yer not chicken are ya?!”*

“You got that right! Ch-ch-chicken! Don’t haunt me, Doug! I’ll do anything!”

“IT WAS ROTTEN OF YOU TO TP ALL THOSE HOUSES.”

“We’ll clean them up, honest! All of them!”

“Oh yeah, I mean, don’t worry about that. We’ll clean them up!”

“TONIGHT?!”

“Yeah sure sure, whatever you say!”

"ALRIGHT THEN. OH, AND ROGER, ONE MORE THING..." — *“Alright then. OH, AND ROGER, ONE MORE THING…”*

"NEXT TIME -- YOU MAY NOT BE SO LUCKY!! MWAHAHAHA!" — *“NEXT TIME YOU MAY NOT BE SO LUCKY! MWAHAHA!”*

"AHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!" — *“AHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!”*

“Did you see their faces?”

“Yeah man, I don’t think I’ve ever seen them run so fast!”

“Boy, and we couldn’t have done it without you, sir.”

"I have something that may belong to you" — *“I have something that may belong to you”*

"A Race Canyon hat... — *“A Race Canyon hat…*

... MY Race Canyon hat!" — *… MY Race Canyon hat!”*

"But where did you -- how did you -- WHO ARE YOU?!" — *“But where did you — how did you — WHO ARE YOU?!”*

"Just call me... BARON VON HECKLEHOFFER!" — *“Just call me… BARON VON HECKLEHOFFER!”*

"BARON VON HECKLEHOFFER?!?!" — *“BARON VON HECKLEHOFFER?!?!”*

“… W-W-Wha’d’ya say we head home, Skeet?”

“S-S-Sounds good, man.”

Tonight, I think I did Race Canyon proud. Not only was I brave enough to cross the Threshold of Death, but I even went back to save Roger.

I wonder if Race Canyon ever had to run all the way home?

STEVE’S HALLOWEEN ADVENTURE

The very next night I experienced the Halloween of a lifetime. It’s a true story that I’ve shared probably over 100 times. It was one of the greatest nights of my life. A storybook-like Halloween that not even Hollywood could script any better.

Growing up I never met a single kid who didn’t look forward to this particular night. It’s the time of the year where the days grow short, and the nights grow LONG. A night where goblins roam the streets, where the moon reigns supreme, and where the clamor of sneakers crunching the gravel can be heard in the passing of the howling wind.

As a kid I had a dream. It was a simple dream. I was a simple boy. I always dreamt of having one memorable Halloween for the ages. Now I don’t know what I did to piss off the Halloween gods, or druids, but for Halloween ’91, ’92 and ’93 I was sick to the point that I couldn’t go out. Thus, I missed out on Halloween when I was 8, 9 and 10 years old. Time was running out. I still had yet to experience THAT ONE Halloween I could call my own. So that year, 1994, I didn’t care if I came down with Malaria. Not even Mother Nature’s wrath could stop me THIS year.

Nothing like counting down the days til Halloween — I was counting down the days to Monday night

My best friend, Nelson, spent the past three Halloweens with his cousins. Me getting sick around Halloween time had become… tradition. So every year I told Nelson to forget about me and go crazy. That backfired in ’94 when I realized he had already made plans with his cousins out of town. He invited me, but believe it or not, I declined my best friend’s offer. Why?

THE neighborhood to be on Halloween night — This was ***THE*** place to be on Halloween night

My cousins lived in a grand neighborhood. It was full of two story houses shoulder to shoulder — a never ending army of steamrollers. Houses decked to the nine. The Halloween atmosphere in this neighborhood was off the chain. I remember it well from 1990 — the last time I was able to go trick or treating. I was determined to return to that majestic neighborhood for Halloween 1994. It was a strong feeling in my gut — I just knew I HAD to be there. I didn’t know what would happen. I just knew I needed to be there on that night.

HALLOWEEN NIGHT 1994

My cousin Vivian picked me up and drove me to her place. There I met her cousin, John. Like me, he was 11, so we hit it off quickly. And with an air of mystique in the, er, air, and the moon out in full force… it was grounds for a perfect night of Halloween mischief.

Gotta love that cool crisp October night air, ahhh... — Gotta love that cool crisp October night air, ahhh…

All of my cousins had Halloween parties to go to, so they left me and John to our own devices. It was 8 PM. The night was young. And the night was now ours to rule.

I still remember it was Monday Night Football

The first house an old man opened the door and in the background I heard:

Dun dun dun dun… DUNT DUNT… DA DUNT!

His living room was lit only by the glow of the television, whose flickering images made shadows dance against the wall like primitive tribal warriors.

The old man dropped Snickers and Skittles into our Halloween bags. “My Packers kickin’ some butt tonight. You two have a good one now, you hear.”

A couple houses later, we were walking up the steps casually when a flying corpse blindsided us from out of nowhere! John and I jumped back as we watched the corpse swing back and forth. A laugh came from behind the black curtain, which draped the entire porch. A man in his late 20s peered out from behind the curtain and waved to me and John. “GOTCHA!” He grabbed his corpse on a rope and reset it to its original starting point.

He showed us the small hole he’d cut in the black curtain to prey on poor unsuspecting trick or treaters. Said we were his first victims of the night. We shared a hearty laugh while he passed out the candy. Then he spotted some new blood quickly approaching.

“Alright boys, if you don’t mind, I best be getting back to my command center! Thanks for… dropping by! MWAHAHAHA!”

I watched as he ran up the steps and behind the thick black curtain, which was impossible to see from far away in the dark of night. I remember smirking to myself thinking that’s certainly ONE way to stay young! And that meeting him was like meeting a zany Wizard of Oz or rather, a Wizard of Halloween Town.

STEP RIGHT UP…

This night was turning out better than I hoped... — This night was turning out better than I hoped…

John and I were just trick-or-treating and having a good time being carefree kids on this most mystical of nights.

We made sure to point out all the macabre decorations, of which, ON THIS NIGHT, in this neighborhood, there were hundreds. Once again this neighborhood lived up to the hype. It WAS Halloween Town. Part of the fun of trick or treating is seeing all the houses decorated to the nine. And we were not disappointed on that night.

A shrill scream sent shivers up and down my spine — We could hear kids screaming around the bend

An hour flew by. It was now 9 PM. We were standing here when, suddenly, we heard a scream in the not too far distance. “The hell is that!” I said excitedly. We ran the next block over with great hope. There we found a cul-de-sac.

John and I power walked toward the source... — John and I power walked toward the source…

At the very end of the court stood a towering 2-story house that looked like it jumped out of a horror movie. John and I looked at each other in bewilderment as we made our way to the ghostly abode. Upon reaching the driveway, I heard something I’d never forget…

“AIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!!!!!!”

John and I gathered at the end of the line — John and I gathered at the end of a long line

The blood curling shriek sent a chill up and down my spine. Next to me stood a monstrous executioner. “What is this?” We pointed to the line of kids just ahead of us on the driveway.

“Welcome to the Johnsons’ Haunted House!!!” he bellowed, his shiny ax gleaming on his broad shoulder in the faint glow of the street lamp. “Free of charge but beware… once you go in… there’s NO GOING OUT! MWAHAHAHA!”

John and I grinned at one another and hi-fived. Wow, a haunted house! And free, too! Neither of us had been to one before, and I’d always wanted to. This was turning out to be THE perfect night…

As we waited in line my imagination ran away. I thought back to last night — Doug’s Halloween Adventure. Was this a ride? No, it’s only a 2-story house, silly. My mind was racing a million miles a minute. I never felt so alive before.

Moments later, I glanced up. One window was lit under the glow of the moon. More screaming came from the garage. It was so intensely atmospheric, and to an 11-year-old, it was pure Heaven! There was a raw rush of adrenaline flowing throughout my body, and you could cut the anticipation in the air. All of us kids standing in line there that night were psyched to the gills!

Finally we found ourselves at the very start — We had no choice but to press on…

8 minutes later John and I found ourselves at the gate. The night was so pitch black I couldn’t even make out my own hand in front of my face. The gate door creaked open with a loud sound effect. A light mist splashed its way into my eyes. In the near distance a loud chainsaw was buzzing. I wondered, “If I take four steps forward, would my head get chopped off?”

… sweeeet!

We forged on ahead, spider web tangling in our hair. Taking a turn on our left to the garage door entrance, we followed an S curve. Strobe light hit us from every which angle, and horror movie icons flashed in the darkness at all turns! Freddy, Jason, Michael Myers and big ol’ Leatherface all on hand! And they were authentic. The knife Myers held was real, as was the chainsaw wielded by Leatherface.

Near the end a large trash can lid had a note scribbled across it…

“WARNING: REMOVE THIS LID AND DIE!!!”

John gave me the honors. So then, in the strobe-lit madness, with a ghoulish soundtrack playing loudly in the garage, I popped the lid open and out jumped a werewolf! For amateurs, the whole setup was unbelievable, full of first rate costumes, props and creativity. BRAVO, JOHNSONS!

Finally we made our way through the garage door, leading to their living room, which led to the front entrance where the haunted house trip concluded with candy. John and I were absolutely THRILLED. We thanked the Johnsons for their awesome efforts. Never in a million years did I ever imagine anything like this would happen…

ONE FINAL THRILL

John and I were high on Halloween spirit

John and I were walking the streets now, trick-or-treating some more and talking excitedly about what we just went through. Did we pick the right neighborhood or what! And just when I thought it couldn’t get any more eventful… IT DID.

All of a sudden all the houses went DARK... — All of a sudden all the houses went DARK…

It was 9:45 now and the streets became incredibly dark. Everyone was gone. No more trick-or-treaters in sight. I looked up at the huge 2 story houses that lined the streets like an army of steamrollers. All the lights were now switched off. It was odd. It was… eerie. Like a ghost town. The mist started to roll in… it was getting to be that kind of night…

A showdown like back in the wild old west

John and I were walking down this long dark street when, out of the mist, came these five taller and older boys. They must have been 13 or 14 years old.

Looking back, we probably should have turned the other way, but that night of Halloween 1994 we didn’t. Both parties kept walking toward one another… until we came face-to-face. The one in the middle was evidently the leader as he walked slightly ahead.

He stepped up to me and John. The five of them stared the two of us down.

Then, without warning, the leader snatched John’s candy bag!

The bullies laughed, hi-fived one another and jogged off into the dark night.

I’ll never forget that look on John’s face. A look of hopelessness, a look of devastation.

Two hours’ worth… gone. Like that *snap fingers*

Something deep inside me SNAPPED — I did the great, late Jesse Owens **PROUD**

I peered down that long dark street into the mist. By now the bullies were getting smaller and smaller until I could barely make them out.

I stared back at John once more. He was still frozen in a state of dead shock. Then, without saying a word, I dropped my bag and sprinted after the bullies. I snapped. I didn’t really think about it, but between seeing the violated look on his face, the adrenaline coursing through my body, and the INJUSTICE of it all, something inside me SNAPPED.

And the weirdest thing happened as I ran. Everything around me blurred. I became the only concrete object amidst an army of gorgeous 2 story houses. I saw myself running in third person… saw the moment happening from BEHIND MY BACK.

I had an out-of-body experience.

As I closed in on the unsuspecting bully, I swiped back John’s bag. I stood there with the bag firmly in my grasp as the lead bully whipped around to face me.

Another staredown ensued. It lasted 20 seconds, but felt more like 20 nights.

By now his goons came over and it was five of them all glaring at me. I didn’t know what was going to happen, quite frankly, at that moment I didn’t care. All I knew was, I wasn’t going to be the first one to blink. I stood my ground. Stared back at them. Come hell or high water, I wasn’t about to back down.

I matched him eyeball for eyeball. His painted pirate-y face against my cheap Walgreens $1.99 white skeleton mask. And when it was over, only one glare was left standing, and it wasn’t his.

Easing off, he signaled for his cronies to follow suit… and they left. Not a single word was ever exchanged between us.

The greatest Halloween I could ever hope for — It was a magical night. A night for the ages

I watched them disappear into the mist of the night as John caught up to me, huffing and puffing.

I handed him his bag. We didn’t say anything. Not because we had nothing to say, but because we knew nothing needed to be said. We just stood there, two 11-year-old boys, in the middle of one of the blackest nights I’d ever seen.

There isn’t a Halloween that passes where I don’t think back to that fateful night in ’94. I remember it vividly today as though it happened just last month. Finally, I experienced the Halloween I always wanted. But in my wildest dreams growing up, I never imagined it’d be what it turned out to be. It was the greatest Halloween a kid could ever ask or hope for.

EPILOGUE + THE SEQUEL (HALLOWEEN 1995)

The ole neighborhood. Thanks for the memories — The ol’ neighborhood. Thanks for the memories

My cousins moved from that great neighborhood many years ago… about 20, in fact, circa ’97. It was pretty much my second home growing up. In 1995 I met up with John again, both of us looking to reclaim the magic of the Halloween before. We had a blast in ’95. It was my second favorite Halloween and a worthy sequel indeed. We trick or treated in the same neighborhood, but sadly the Johnsons were not able to do their traditional haunted house this year. Something about their sons not coming home from college in time, I recall. Still, John and I told the parents how much their haunted house last year meant to us. In turn, they told us they did it for kids like us… that they were only doing what they could to make Halloween extra special for at least one kid. Hey… I can think of at least two. And I’m sure the Johnsons have created fond Halloween memories for dozens and dozens of lucky young trick-or-treaters. God Bless them. More on them a bit later.

After we circled the neighborhood once or twice, my cousins took us to the local haunted house. It was my first taste of the “REAL” thing. What a HIGH that proved to be. When you’re 12, it’s Heaven. We were a group of seven. Going down one dimly-lit hallway, out of nowhere Michael Myers appeared and chased us down the hallway and into the next room before disappearing back in the shadows. Being stalked by my all-time favorite villain was a nightmare come true. The first time I saw the original Halloween in 1989, I dreamt that night Myers was stalking me. Six years later, 1995, that nightmare became reality!

Halloween ’95 was a worthy sequel indeed, but as great as it was, the original (’94) was that much better.

In October of 2003 I shared my Halloween ’94 adventure in college for my public speaking class. My professor loved my story and speaking style so much that she asked me to share that same story later that month at a night workshop for beginning storytellers. I gladly obliged, and had a blast sharing my story with a room full of freshmen. Because it was at night and closer to Halloween, it made my story that much more effective. In all, I’ve probably shared my Halloween ’94 story at least 50 times, easily.

H10 — HALLOWEEN ONE DECADE LATER

It was the night *I* came home... — It was the night *I* came home…

Halloween 2004…

TEN YEARS LATER… I returned to that same ole neighborhood. I went trick or treating with my (at the time) girlfriend, and guess what I discovered…

The Johnsons STILL live there and they STILL do the Halloween haunted house! Every year, in fact. I nearly ran up to the end of the line! I felt like a little 11-year-old kid again (I was 21 at the time).

It was surreal going through it ten years later. As Mr. and Mrs. Johnson handed me a Snickers bar at the exit, I told them I was a 11 year-old-kid 10 years ago who loved it so much. They almost fell over! We talked for 10 minutes. About the haunted house, about how the S-curve was first implemented in 1994, about the neighborhood… about LIFE.

It was SO good to know some things in life stay the same. In an era where people move often and stop doing traditions — those damn Johnsons still live in that gorgeous neighborhood… and every Halloween… they recreate the magic for kids… kids like John and me… kids who I hope will experience the kind of night we did on that fateful Halloween of ’94.

Six years went by. It was now 2010. On a whim, I decided to take a trip to Kenya for a missions trip. I was passing out pledge letters and decided what the hell, I’ll stop by the old neighborhood and see if the Johnsons are still there. They were, but Bill had passed away due to cancer. I didn’t know him per se, but the news crushed me. On the bright side, Becky and I got to reconnect, and we keep in touch even to this day. Most recently, she retired after over 30 years of teaching, and we met up for lunch this past summer to catch up and talk about life, Bill, Halloween and such. There isn’t a Halloween that passes where I don’t think of Bill and Becky. I’m grateful our paths crossed.

CLOSING THOUGHTS

Halloween will always bring the kid out in me

I will always love this time of the year. The crisp cool October night air. The falling leaves. The days growing shorter and the nights growing longer. Halloween will always hold a very special spot in my heart. It’s given me some great memories over the years, and who doesn’t enjoy snuggling up with a bowl of popcorn and a horror movie on a rainy night?

This year marks the 22nd anniversary of one of the greatest nights of my life. Life is crazy. The lady in the haunted house — Becky Johnson — who knew meeting a random stranger on a night 22 years ago would lead to a lifelong friendship? One of these days Becky and I have to recreate the haunted house. In the memory and honor of Bill Johnson. Perhaps Halloween 2017.

Whatever you end up doing this year, I hope you have fun, stay safe and create some fond memories. Oh, and one more thing…

HAPPY HALLOWEEN Y'ALL! MWAHAHA! ^_^ — HAPPY HALLOWEEN Y’ALL! MWAHAHA! ^_^

SD F-1 Grand Prix (SFC)

If Super Mario Kart met Chuck E. Cheeses... — If *Super Mario Kart* met Chuck E. Cheese’s…

If that sounds like an enticing combination to you (we can’t be friends if it isn’t) then SD F-1 Grand Prix is right up your alley. Sure, we never got the Super Mario Kart 2 on SNES as we desired back in the mid ’90s, but Video System released this clone on October 27, 1995 (nearly 21 years ago as I write this on October 23, 2016). It’s no Super Mario Kart (2) but it’s a decent alternative — hell, even an adequate companion piece to Super Mario Kart. Let’s examine and see why.

BLAST FROM THE PAST

They scared and fascinated me all at once

If you grew up in the late ’80s and early ’90s in America then you probably have fond memories of hitting up Chuck E. Cheese’s as a kid. I know I sure did. It was the cheap pizza (which at the time felt like Heaven to a kid), the festive atmosphere and the ARCADES. It was an epic place for a kid to be. A place where a kid could truly be a kid. But I think we can also agree on this… those old school animatronics left us with an eerie memory or two! Just look at them. They’re so robotic and stiff, it’s a bit unnerving to watch them “sing” when you were a little kid. But we all have memories of it (for better or for worse). Chuck E. Cheese’s, I salute ya. Thank you SD F-1 Grand Prix for reminding me of a simpler time in my life. Perhaps that’s one contributing factor to why I like you so much.

WHERE HAVE I SEEN THIS BEFORE

Right away you can tell what the tone of this game is. It’s not serious. It’s cute, and fairly charming. I like how they give you stats for each racer. Even though the racers in Super Mario Kart had their pros and cons, it’s nice seeing it spelled out explicitly.

It's a case of deja vu all right — It’s a case of deja vu all right

Recharge your health. Hmmm... — Recharge your health. Hmmm…

Thought I saw that somewhere before — Thought I saw that somewhere

Similar to Battle Racers, you have a health bar that’s reduced any time you fall in a pit, ram into barriers or blasted by the opposition. Unlike Battle Racers though, instead of finding health refills inside capsules, SD F-1 has a healing strip along the beginning of each track much like F-Zero.

Battle Racers (Banpresto, 1995) — *Battle Racers* (Banpresto, 1995)

BUT DON’T LOOK DOWN ON THIS GAME

Bird eye's viewpoint — Bird eye’s view point

Sure it rips some things off from Super Mario Kart and F-Zero, but those aren’t bad games to get inspired by. There are different camera angles to pick from. The default is Mario Kart style. But one allows you to make SD F-1 look just like the earlier F-1 Super Famicom games… that being from a bird eye’s view point.

1 player games include:

GP Mode: first you race around a bare track for 2 laps to be awarded a starting position (1-10). Then you start the race at your designated spot against 9 rivals. Icons litter the course, collect enough to fill a bar and gain a temporary speed burst

Crash Mode: None of this 2 laps positioning nonsense. Start at #10 and instead of speed-bar-filling-up icons you get regular weapon icons (projectiles, etc.) I personally prefer this traditional Mario Kart mode over GP

Time Trial: Keeps track of best lap and overall times

2 player game (besides obvious GP and whatnot):

Dog Fight: Pick one of (surprise surprise) four specific battle arenas, and fight to the death. The goal is to zap other driver’s energy to zero by blasting him or her with any means necessary. Groovy

Now let’s look at some random tracks.

The classic, essential, bare bones first stage to acclimate the player to the mechanics of the game. To say it conjures memories of the first race track from Super Mario Kart would be a gross understatement.

Some tracks contain helpful arrows, such as this one. Maybe it’s just me but this course reminds me slightly of Bowser’s.

Lovely beach track. One of my favorites. Yeah it’s a total ripoff but it’s still sweet. The super jump bit is very cool, reminiscent of Ghost Valley 1.

Northern Lights! The ice has nice detailing as well. Another one of my favorites, this frozen lake course is actually cooler looking than the frozen courses found in Super Mario Kart. Just my opinion of course, but it’s the little details in the ice as well as the Northern Lights that gives SD F-1 Grand Prix the edge.

The lava track has a super jump section much like the beach one. I have to say graphically it is superior to Super Mario Kart but that’s kind of expected as one came out in 1992 and the other in 1995.

I love how you can see this course unwind far into the distance. Lovely!

Remember GamePro Magazine? That’s a classic ProTip they would have said. My favorite to this day was the ProTip about the CyberDemon. ProTip: Shoot at it.

I love the wide range of locales you race in — the visuals are pleasant to the eye and really makes you want to race each of the courses.

CLOSING THOUGHTS

Super Mario Kart meets a cast of Chuck E. Cheeses rejects. In a nutshell, that’s what SD F-1 Grand Prix is. What it also is… is a damn fine racing game. It’s loads of fun with a few different ideas to differentiate it enough from Super Mario Kart. Don’t get me wrong, it’s a most blatant clone, but it’s a well made one. It’s not as smooth playing as Super Mario Kart, but visually it’s better and I really like some of its tracks. If you love kart racing games then you really owe it to yourself to get this one. SD F-1 Grand Prix is yet another great Super Famicom exclusive title. Pick up a copy if you can — you probably won’t regret it.