Super Nintendo | RVGFanatic

Clay Fighter (SNES)

***Pub: Interplay | Dev: Visual Concepts | November 1993 | 16 MEGS***

Many fond memories come to mind when I think of Christmas. So much so that I even wrote a special article dedicated to just that. There are certain things that I’ll always associate Christmas with, for better or for worse. For me, Clay Fighter will always be linked with Christmas. Released 25 years ago (damn where does the time go), this Street Fighter II parody is but a minuscule footnote in the annals of SNES lore. But to me, Clay Fighter represents something beyond that, even if the final product isn’t all that good. It represents a time of true innocence, a time of allegiances and a time of change. Not to mention learning how to navigate expectations and disappointments even in the smallest of ways. Indeed, Clay Fighter was one of my childhood games. As such, I’ll never forget it. Especially whenever Christmas comes rolling around…

ONCE UPON A TIME…

It was the summer of 1993. 2D fighting games were all the rage, and seemingly everyone and their brother were getting in on it. From Kaneko to Konami, everyone wanted a piece of the pie. It was the fighting game era, and 1-on-1 brawlers was a booming business. One idyllic summer day in ’93, my mom took me to the local grocery store. As per usual, I browsed the VHS rental section while my mom bought food. I remember seeing cheesy horror movies like Leprechaun (oh Jennifer Anniston…) and Critters 4 (oh Angela Bassett) before making my way to the magazine section. It was there that I picked up a GamePro issue and first laid eyes on Clay Fighter. It was love at first sight.

There was just something special about growing up in the late ’80s to early-mid ’90s. From cheesy horror movies (with badass memorable box art) to hundreds of fun 8 and 16-bit video games, it was the perfect time to be a gamer who loved horror movies to boot. I miss those halcyon days where my mom would drop me off at a store and I would just spend a good 30 to 45 minutes browsing the various boxes and back covers of horror movies and the latest video games. Truly a special time in our lives (for those lucky enough to have lived it).

But I digress. As the months went on, the Clay Fighter hype train gained more steam. Gaming magazines previewed the hell out of it, and the comedic aspects of the game really appealed to a 10 year old kid. It promised to be WACKY!, WEIRD! and WILD! I mean, what more could you want?

The fighters had their own unique charm.

Not only was it a parody of Street Fighter II but it was also a parody of many other things such as Elvis, The Blob and The Headless Horseman among others. Clay Fighter was Parody City.

The unique claymation graphics made it stand out in a crowded genre. I couldn’t help but be drawn to its unique look, even if the aesthetics were a bit sloppy. Hey, it was 1993 and I was 10. Clay Fighter looked super cool in my book back then!

And then came the ads. And boy, were there a TON of ads. Clay Fighter had one of the most robust and memorable ad campaigns in 16-bit history.

They mocked a lot of famous fighting games

One of my fondest memories came in the Fall of 1993 when I stayed home from school due to being sick. I remember just hanging out in my room, playing a demo song on a Casio keyboard a relative recently gifted me and gawking at that Clay Fighter ad above and flipping through the preview. There’s nothing like looking at a few blurry screenshots and letting your imagination run wild. The possibilities were endless and more often than not, your imagination made the game way better than the actual end product. Still, it was all part of the fun of gaming back in those days.

Huge 2 page blow out ads introduced us to the fighters

Filled with puns galore, I couldn’t help but love it.

They really made the characters feel special

Just a sign of the times — I even submitted my own #1 reason why!

They even went after my precious World Heroes — They even went after my precious *World Heroes*

Damn, Tiny even took M. Bison's cap. NO MERCY! — Damn, Tiny even took M. Bison’s cap. NO MERCY!

THE CHRISTMAS GIFT THAT NEVER WAS

December 1993. One fateful evening my cousin called me asking what I wanted for Christmas. I didn’t hesitate to tell her all about Clay Fighter. By the end of the phone call I was assured that Clay Fighter would be mine come Christmas morning. Alas, for whatever reason, it wasn’t meant to be. My cousin got me something else (I can’t even recall what she got me). My Clay Fighter dream went up in smoke. POOF.

THE DAY AFTER CHRISTMAS 1993
~RENTAL REDEMPTION~

Noting my abundantly obvious disappointment the night prior, my old man decided to take me to The Wherehouse to rent Clay Fighter as a consolation prize. I wanted to buy it instead, but I happily settled on renting it. I remember running to the game section, seeing the box on the shelf and taking it down from its resting place nestled up top. I admired the front cover and couldn’t get enough of how cool I thought it looked. Bad Mr. Frosty coming right at ‘chu as Tiny stretches poor Taffy (oh the irony). It fit in perfectly with the times we were living in… that whole attitude era of the early-mid ’90s.

I then flipped it over where I must have stood there for 5 minutes reading over the back cover and being completely convinced that Clay Fighter would only be a tier below Street Fighter II, in terms of gameplay.

I love how 16 MEGS was considered a big deal back in 1993. I miss when meg count was a thing and people got hyped partially because a game contained a certain amount of megs. There was something charming to that. Even though we knew game quality wasn’t based on a game’s given meg count, it always served as fun playground chatter with your friends. It brings back memories of the Neo Geo and their fighting games containing 100+ MEGS, as well as the 16-bit console war. Wait, Super Street Fighter II on the SNES only has 32 MEGS while the Genesis copy boasts 40 MEGS?! Good times.

I got a kick too out of the humongous 1 OR 2 PLAYERS graphic. It just added a certain pizzazz to the back of the box and it’s been burned into my memory bank. I can still see that giant logo in my mind to this day. The whole package just hit all the right notes. I handed the game off to my dad who then walked to the counter to make the magic happen. I was only a 5 minute car ride away from finally experiencing Clay Fighter.

On the ride home I admired the beautiful color instruction manual. The artwork was pretty banging, and I studied that little booklet for all it was worth. That was part of the fun of renting video games back in the ’90s: combing over the instruction manual on the way home.

I was convinced Clay Fighter was going to be ace — I was convinced *Clay Fighter* was going to be ace

I remember being a little worried when I got to the character bios. They looked great and I loved the detailed description of their special moves but one thing greatly bothered me. At a glance, it seemed as though you had to press all three punch buttons to do projectile-based attacks. I thought to myself “Please don’t let this be” and “Damn what a terrible decision if so.” Thankfully, it turned out not to be the case. The colored buttons there simply depict either of those buttons would suffice.

The coolest Ryu type clone in fighting game history — The coolest Ryu clone in fighting game history

THE DISAPPOINTMENT

After popping the game in for the very first time, it took me less than 5 minutes to realize Clay Fighter was a bit of a dud. A dud in the sense that it came nowhere NEAR my level of expectation. It wasn’t unplayable, but it wasn’t very good. I remember thinking thank God I didn’t waste one of my few precious video game buys on this. Thankfully I rented it instead and picked out Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Tournament Fighters to buy the following week. COWABUNGA!

THE GAME

The lit bomb acting as a timer was creative. I liked that it wasn’t just another typical countdown from 99 seconds as was the case for most fighting games back then.

I love when companies cross over their games. Those little critters come courtesy of Claymates — I love when companies cross over their games!
Those little critters come courtesy of *Claymates*

Once a mild mannered snowman, this devious spawn of winter lives for the icy cold of the far north. The good manners of snowmen no longer mean anything to Bad Mr. Frosty. He believes in the cold of winter and little else. He lives to see an eternal winter, where the snow never melts; and enjoys sharing his keen weather sense with all those around him.

This malleable clay fighter really goes for the clay. Once a simple glob of salt water taffy, he has been transformed into a mean spirited ball of solid sugar. Emerging from the sugary goo which spawned him, Taffy took an oath, “The Circus will be mine, and every clay fighter will require new fillings when I get there.” Taffy’s stretchable body allows him to make long range attacks. These moves can surprise opponents who believe they are out of his reach.

The buffest of the clay fighters, Tiny works out whenever he isn’t pounding the clay out of the other players. A member of the WCWA (World Clay Wrestling Association), he truly loves to wrestle and fight. He is not very bright, so he relies on his massive strength to win. He is proud of his physique and will smash anyone who laughs at him.

Once the meteor was done mutating the clay fighters into their present forms, there were bucket fulls of radioactive clay left over. Not wanting to be thrown away like common garbage, the clay rolled itself into one elastic mass. The ball of clay developed intelligence quite quickly and named itself Blob. Studying goojitsu, Blob has become a force to be reckoned with among the clay fighters.

The radioactive clay meteor has given this middle aged circus freak delusions of grandeur. Once a respected member of the circus, his great arrogance has turned the rest of the world against him. Believing that he is the king of rock and roll, he croons to the masses from his porcelain throne; sickening many and scarring the rest. Taking time off from his busy movie career, he has joined in the fight to control the circus. When not doing battle he focuses much of his time on his hair. To him there is nothing cooler than his groovy doo.

Every circus has its share of ghost stories; the lion handler who didn’t train his cats enough, or the clown who never came out of the little car. The coming of the clay meteor brought one of these haunts back from the ethereal plane and gave him substance. The circus ghost, Ickybod Clay, has come to rule the circus for those who are halfway between our world and the next. While existing in our world, Ickybod Clay is able to tap the ethereal plane for power.

From the far north, this Viking woman has earned the title of Valkyrie from her people. She is looking for another arena in which to compete and is planning to take control of the circus. With her Viking heritage has come special powers from the gods. Thor and Odin have granted her abilities no other clay fighter could even hope of mastering. Many of these abilities are to offset her one vice; eating. She lives to eat, and often has a hard time breaking away from a clay salad sandwich.

A previous employee of the circus, Bonker was caught sleeping under the Big Top when the meteor landed. Once a friendly clown, Bonker has become as hard as clay. His other motto is to keep them laughing as he pounds them into the ground. This has turned many of his old clown tricks into dangerous attacks. What may have been hilarious to a 4 year old now brings other clay fighters to their knees.

HOMECOMING

I remember it like it happened yesterday... — I remember it like it happened yesterday…

January 26, 2006. I just recently got back into all things Super Nintendo. On that fateful Thursday night I decided to revisit the town I grew up in. It marked 10 years since I moved from my childhood home. 10 years. I wanted to swing by the old crib and also check out the Game Crazy hub inside my childhood Hollywood Video, which still stood at the time. Being less than two weeks into my SNES resurrection and having a wish list of over 200 games meant there was a good chance I was going to find at least one game to add to my ever growing collection.

My childhood Hollywood Video, taken January 2006

Early 2006 was a good time to get back into the SNES scene. Prices had yet to explode and real life stores like Game Crazy (a chain tucked inside Hollywood Video locations) actually carried a decent selection of SNES games. So many times as a kid my dad took me to this very Hollywood Video location and I would spend hours browsing the SNES and horror section. There was nothing like admiring the art work on the front covers and reading the description on the back of the boxes. It’s a shame that kids of today will never know what that feeling is like.

That evening I bought Art of Fighting, Mortal Kombat II, Super Baseball Simulator 1.000 and got Clay Fighter for free. These games represent the crux of my SNES comeback to a tee; two games I liked playing as a kid and two I always wanted to play but never did. But now I could. Such is the beauty of the hobby. In a lot of ways, retro gaming is the closest thing to a time machine.

Clay Fighter came free because Game Crazy used to run a Buy 2 Get 1 Free promotion for retro games. Early 2006 was a glorious time to be buying SNES games. I beat the nostalgic train by several years and was able to scoop up all these old titles for bargain basement prices. Great times they were

How fitting it was to get Clay Fighter free on the day of my 10 year anniversary since I moved from my childhood home. With another bag full of old childhood favorites and curiosities, I made a beeline toward my old house. There was no way I was ending this 10 year reunion trip without seeing my old house live in the flesh.

It was more than just a Super Nintendo comeback... — It was more than just a Super Nintendo comeback…

Exiting the premises of Hollywood Video around 6:30, my hometown had been devoured by darkness. As I drove back to my old neighborhood where I grew up, I took full inventory of all the sights, sounds and smells that assaulted my senses. I remember those roads. That old street corner. The little hill where my brother, our friends and I used to play tag and flag football. The smell of the crisp cool night air. The soothing sounds of the grass and leaves swaying gently in the calm of a quiet January evening. It was a little slice of paradise.

At last I spotted my house. Memories came flooding back like a tidal wave crashing over me. It was an ordinary house, like any other house in America, in a suburban neighborhood just like any other. But it was home. My home. Or at least, it once was, anyhow. Somewhere in the depths of my heart though, it will always be to some degree. I turned off the engine and radio. I sat there for a quiet minute, admiring my house from across the street in the dead still of the night. Has it really been 10 bloody years?! Gawd DAMN.

I ended up going inside and talking with the lady who now lives there. Crazy shit. It was one of those serendipitous moments. After 10 minutes of being back in my childhood home, I slipped back in my car. I took a quick glance at my new SNES games resting on the passenger seat, turned down the windows, cranked up the radio and put the pedal to the metal. It was one of the best drives of my life.

WHAT THE CRITICS SAID

Clay Fighter earned good to great reviews. It’s one of those weird games that got rated really high at its time of release but such glowing praises have since been rescinded over time. EGM scored it 8, 8, 7 and 7. GameFan gave it ratings of 97, 92, 90 and 90%. Super Play rated it 85% (very high by their strict standards). The reviews at the time cemented in my mind even more that Clay Fighter must have been can’t miss. Sadly, if only that were the case.

Perfect example of GameFan overrating games

Even Super Play gave it a rather glowing review

It sold well enough to earn two sequels on the SNES... Well if you count this pseudo sequel Tournament Edition — It sold well enough to earn two sequels on the SNES…
Well, if you count this pseudo sequel *Tournament Edition*

They mocked Capcom with the HYPER tagline and refusal to number up this pseudo sequel. Nice!

Clay Fighter 2 however was a legitimate sequel featuring a slew of brand new characters (although sadly they did away with many of the original fighters). I like how it played off the title T2: Judgment Day. Even though C2: Judgment Clay was several years late to truly capitalize on this marketing ploy, you gotta give them credit for creativity.

It got rid of Ickybod Clay and Taffy though. BOO!

CLOSING THOUGHTS

Can’t believe it’s been 25 years since I was obsessed with Clay Fighter. From studying the magazine previews to asking my cousin to buy it for me, I certainly have quite the storied history with this game. There’s a ton of nostalgia but when it comes down to it, it’s all about how well a game plays. And I’m sad to say Clay Fighter does not play very well. The characters are way too big for their own good, the physics feel off and the characters have a strange weight to them. It’s kind of hard to explain but it’s one of those things that you immediately recognize the second you play it. In a nutshell, Clay Fighter tries to get by on flash and style, but underneath the fancy coats of paint, there just isn’t much substance. It’s very much a product of its time. There are so many better fighting games you can play on the SNES instead. This one is strictly for collectors and those with nostalgic memories.

Don’t get me wrong, it’s not unplayable. Some enjoyment can be had but it’s very lightweight and even if you approach it with the proper mindset, its novelty act grows old fast and you’re left with a mediocre fighting game, at best. Clay Fighter just doesn’t scratch my fighting game itch. Play one of the Street Fighter games or SNK brawlers instead. That said, there will always be a place in my gaming heart for Clay Fighter. It just takes me back to a place and space where a one page colorful ad with a few rinky dink screenshots could blow your mind. Where seeds of hope are harvested and then later realized, or crushed, by reality through renting, borrowing or blind buying. It was all part of the magic back then. So here’s a toast to Clay Fighter, who did more with its 15 minutes of fame than most other average games. ~~Happy~~ Taffy 25 years!

Graphics: 8.5
Sound: 8
Gameplay: 6
Longevity: 6

Overall: 6.0

Ranma ½: Hard Battle (SNES)

***Pub: DTMC | Dev: Atelier Double | November 1993 | 12 MEGS***

Street Fighter II, with its revolutionary gameplay and intense competitiveness, launched the fighting game boom of the early 1990s. It was to no one’s surprise, then, that this movement would follow suit on the SNES with everyone and their dog cranking out fighting games left and right. Enter Ranma ½: Hard Battle, which was released in North America on the Super Nintendo 25 years ago this month. Unlike many other SNES fighters, Ranma ½ wasn’t based off an arcade game. Based off a famous anime and manga series, I remember Ranma ½ being something of a big deal in my gaming group 25 years ago. It was the first “really Japanese” SNES game I can recall that made it stateside mostly unaltered. That alone blew our minds back in November 1993 — an era that saw many Japanese games westernized for the worse. But that alone doesn’t guarantee a quality product if the gameplay is less than solid. It does, however, at the very least make for a memorable effort.

This was originally released in Japan on Christmas of '92 — This was originally released in Japan on Christmas 1992

Street Combat, anyone? Yeah I didn't think so — *Street Combat*, anyone? Yeah I didn’t think so

THE STORY GOES…

Remember when 12 MEGS was considered pretty big? — Remember when **12 MEGS** was considered pretty big?

This was a big deal for us 25 years ago!

MEET THE FIGHTERS

REVISITING RANMA

I have some fond memories of playing this game with my gaming crew back in the day. Therefore, I was super excited to revisit it 10 years ago in 2008. It had been a good 15 years since I last played this game. I forgot a lot of things about it during that time. For example, jump is set to the button X by default rather than simply pressing up (as it is in most fighting games). Thankfully, you can change the buttons in the option menu to make jump the up button. Secondly, the controls are a bit awkward. In order to perform special moves, one must hold down a button and then press the d-pad in the proper motion. That just feels clunky and unnatural. And it certainly makes for a bit of an unpleasant fighting game experience. The fighters are also a strange bunch and may not be very appealing unless you’re a huge fan of the property.

Each character gets their own plot to explain why they’re fighting.

It’s neat how the game is offbeat by virtue of the source material itself being quirky. For example, some of the fighters couldn’t care less about being the best in the world. They just want to wiggle out of taking their exams!

For its time, Ranma ½: Hard Battle sports some bright and colorful graphics. It looks best in screenshots. Unfortunately, it’s nowhere as impressive in motion as the animation is a little on the lacking side.

My gaming crew and I liked this game quite a bit when we rented it 25 years ago in the fall of 1993. We played the hell out of it that weekend. I remember thinking that it was a fun silly little fighting game that didn’t take itself seriously (at all).

We sure did. It featured some pretty cool looking special moves for its time and was a nice break from Street Fighter II, or so we thought as kids.

Unfortunately, I realized after revisiting the game that it was better off left in the past. It’s significantly hampered by an awkward control scheme (holding attack buttons and then pressing the D-Pad is no way for a fighting game to be), and a lack of real intricate strategy (only two attack buttons and a lack of special moves are on hand). I was majorly disappointed after revisiting it years later as an adult. I guess some fond childhood memories are merely a product of the time coupled with the innocence of being a kid who doesn’t know any better!

The best Ranma fighting game on SNES is the Super Famicom exclusive, Ranma ½: Chougi Ranbu Hen. It is way better than the previous two editions, with a fun combo system, super special moves and even a tag team mode.

It’s pretty plodding and slow, however. But if you can look past its flaws, it’s actually a decent little fighting game.

But for those playing this game here’s a big tip to maximize your pleasure. Change the shoulder buttons to be a power attack. That way you can strike with one special move (i.e. Y + B) while unleashing R + Back then Forward. It’s making the best of a flawed control scheme. Also, if you want to battle the computer in 2 player or Team mode, simply hold R + L and select with Y. This slightly increases replay value as the 2 player mode allows you to use different characters and pick different backgrounds as you wish. Team mode is 5 vs. 5, non-elimination style.

ProTip: EGM is way better than GamePro ever was — **ProTip:** EGM is way better than GamePro ever was

WHAT THE CRITICS SAID

EGM gave it very respectable scores of 7, 7, 8, 8 and 8. GameFan gave the import version ratings of 84, 84, 84 and 89% in their February 1993 issue. GameFan later scored the North American version in their December 1993 issue with marks of 65, 75, 78 and 80%. Super Play rated it 71%. I think many SNES owners got some enjoyment out of this title 25 years ago, but it has aged rather poorly ever since.

CLOSING THOUGHTS

One of the great things about video games is the ability to revisit old childhood favorites. Sometimes they play just as well as you remember them. Other times, you wonder what in the blue hell you were thinking as a kid. Before I revisited this game, I recalled to myself how much fun my gaming group and I had with it back in 1993. The bright, colorful graphics. The unique character roster. The groovy special moves. But after revisiting the game I was left wondering what we were smoking as kids. I guess part of the charm of being a kid is sometimes you just don’t know any better. And that you were resourceful enough to fill in the gaps where needed and make the most out of any situation.

It’s a shame any time your memories of a game doesn’t live up to the actual quality of the game. I’m not trying to insinuate that Ranma ½: Hard Battle is a stinker. More like strictly average. And, with so many good games available on the SNES, it’s not worth your while to play Ranma ½: Hard Battle. Awkward control scheme and a lack of special moves makes it a cumbersome fighting game that, license aside, is better left in the past. The character balance is very poor; some fighters are at a major handicap. I can’t recommend this game, not even for huge fans of the manga or anime. Again, if it’s a Ranma ½ fighting game you want on your SNES then make sure it’s Ranma ½: Chougi Ranbu Hen. Ranma ½: Hard Battle is ho-hum and ultimately forgettable. It’s a shame but that’s the thing about revisiting old childhood favorites. Some hold up remarkably well while others simply sink. Ranma ½: Hard Battle is not a stinker, just a sinker. Sometimes, it really is best to leave the memories alone.

Graphics: 6.5
Sound: 4
Gameplay: 5
Longevity: 4.5

Overall: 5.0

The Addams Family (SNES)

Pub & Dev: Ocean |March 1992 | 8 MEGS — ***Pub & Dev: Ocean | March 1992 | 8 MEGS***

They’re creepy and they’re kooky.
Mysterious and spooky.
They’re all together ooky.
The Addams Family.
*snap snap*

Released roughly half a year after the Super Nintendo launched in North America, players take control of patriarch Gomez as he madly searches for his missing family members throughout the mansion’s innumerous nooks and crannies. It’s blatantly clear early on that Ocean drew much inspiration from Super Mario World. But hey, if you’re going to copy someone, you might as well copy the best. But that doesn’t automatically equate to a great game. Let’s see if The Addams Family warrants a visit this Halloween.

SAVE YOUR FAMILY MEMBERS

His daughter Wednesday (shout out to Christina Ricci) — His daughter Wednesday *(shout out to Christina Ricci)*

And of course, among others, his wife Morticia

"Ayyyy... why did I have such a big family??" — *“Ayyyy… why did I have such a big family??”*

It’s enough to drive Gomez bonkers, the poor sap. Rest In Peace, Raúl Juliá.

Thankfully, at least you don’t have to find Thing. In fact, Thing even aids you by providing little tips and clues throughout your quest. Talk about giving you a hand… [SMH -Ed.]

CHOOSE YOUR PATH

A: Game Room
B: Portrait Gallery
C: Kitchen
D: Music Room
E: Old Tree
F: Conservatory
G: Front Door
H: Pugsley’s Den

One of the nice things about this game is that it’s non-linear, unlike many other SNES platformers. Players have the choice of picking their battles by choosing any door at any time. The only initially inaccessible door is the Music Room. That’s where Morticia is held captive and she must be rescued last. Other than that, it’s your choice. Behind each door and world awaits a boss. Defeating a boss either grants you an extra heart or releases a family member. Good luck!

Beginning the game outside the Addams’ residence, you’re free to either enter inside or patrol these ghastly grounds.

Yep, The Addams Family is yet another hop ‘n bop on the SNES. Not that that’s a bad thing you see, especially if you enjoy a good old platformer as much as I do.

Power-ups are scattered about, such as the Fezi-copter. Be sure to grab them as they will aid you in your quest.

Santa Claus had no clue what he was facing here... — Santa Claus had no clue what he was facing here…

It’s a rather difficult game but you’re given plenty of 1UPs.

Ah, that helpful Thing. Pay close attention to the clues — Ah, that helpful Thing. Pay close attention to clues

To say this game has some, ahem, striking similarities to Super Mario World would be quite an understatement.

Part of the fun is finding all the secret hidden rooms

Yes, pity the control. But more on that later

No shame in Ocean's game. Oh well, at least it's fun — No shame in Ocean’s game. Oh well, at least it’s fun

Hey, that’s just like the flower power attack in the Mario games…

I prefer the sword over the golf ball. What it lacks in range the sword makes up for in consistency. The golf ball sometimes doesn’t come out as fast as I would like it to, but the sword always delivers and never misses a beat. Power-ups also allow you to take an extra hit without losing a heart, which can prove to be invaluable.

You looking real classy and stylish there, Gomes

Although you can tackle the game in any order, you really ought to clear this stage first.

DYK: In other versions of this game, the bird will actually try to shit on Gomez. No joke. But of course, Nintendo of America wouldn’t have it so bird pooping was sadly censored. Bummer.

It’s a HEART BONANZA, but you only get one. What a tease.

Ocean was well aware of this fact, apparently

This is easily one of the most generous early game secrets in gaming history. You know a game’s tough as nails when they supply you with 30 1UPs from jump street.

Gomez not the sharpest knife in the drawer — Gomez isn’t the sharpest knife in the drawer

You won't hold on to that sword for very long... — You won’t hold on to that sword for very long…

At the end of this hell hole lies an extra heart. To make sure you don’t get it, this world is filled with insane jumps that require the utmost precision and skill (along with some luck). And should you manage to make it all the way to the end, deadly centipedes await your arrival with bated breath.

Don't like the title of this scene, Money SPIDER... — Don’t like the title of this scene, ***Money SPIDER***…

Where have I seen those fire spewing plants before?

I wonder if anyone ever got a crazy score like 64,000?

And Jim Carrey thought HE had a penguin problem! [What is this, 2011?! -Ed.] — And Jim Carrey thought HE had a penguin problem!
*[What is this, 2011?! Mr. Popper’s Penguins -Ed.]*

Maybe heading off to the Conservatory so quickly wasn’t the best idea, eh? So let’s try the Kitchen instead. This room is appropriately titled Penguin Problems.

Not exactly Super Mario World, is it? [Touché -Ocean] — Not exactly *Super Mario World*, is it? *[Touché -Gomez]*

The controls are a touch slippery enough on their own. Combine that now with ice and well, you know the rest.

Those silly, crazy architects... — Those silly, crazy architects…

This secret room can only be accessed by sliding through. This game encourages you to goof around as you never know where or when you might unlock a hidden room stocked full of goodies.

There are a ton of hidden rooms. Be on the look out

The boss of this stage is the cleverly named Snowman. He may seem hard at first but he’s quite easy after you figure out his pattern. ProTip: you can bounce off the snowballs. Defeating the Snowman will earn you an extra heart.

Now we enter the Portrait Gallery where Uncle Fester is held captive by the evil witch.

Don't you DARE think it! No turning back now [Oh yeah? Just watch me -G] — Don’t you **DARE** think it! No turning back now
*[Oh yeah? Just watch me -G]*

Hook is a slow but solid SNES action platformer — *Hook* is a slow but solid SNES action platformer

Live by the sword, die by the sword... — Live by the sword, die by the sword…

Those knights are tough. They toss their swords around like vicious boomerangs.

Hmmm, what if I jump? — Hmmm, what if I jump here?

Hmm, MAYBE family *IS* overrated.... — Hmm, ***MAYBE*** family ***IS*** overrated…

This part is pretty brutal. First, you have to rush since the power-up lasts for roughly 15 seconds. On top of that, you must contend with some evil tight spaces. There’s very little room for error here.

Nothing beats spotting an exit after a particularly hard bit. Whew!

Look, it’s a bookworm. Geddit? A worm. On a book. Alright, I’ll see myself out.

"Glad I didn't eat that bacon cheeseburger!" — *“Glad I didn’t eat that double bacon cheeseburger!”*

The train rumbles along as deadly floating spikes force you to either duck or jump.

Clearing it definitely puts a smile on your face

Looks like a reject from The Wizard of Oz

This is a unique boss fight in that you must team up with your brother to attack the evil witch. Pretty cool stuff.

Thanks for the password, bro! — These precious passwords are much needed

After rescuing your brother Fester, the old bloke urges you to go rescue your wife. Gee thanks. Didn’t think of that one, buddy!

Only after rescuing all family members can you then save your wife, Morticia. Other than that, the game allows you to pick whichever path you wish. Find the best one! By the way, couldn’t big Lurch break the wall there instead of playing the piano? C’mon fella!

The Games Room leads you to Pugsley, the fat lad. — The Games Room leads you to Pugsley, the fat lad

At this point can't say I blame you at all, Gomes... — At this point can’t say I blame you at all, Gomes…

PASSWORD GOOF-UP, OOF!

CONTROL THAT TEMPER OF YOURS…

I’ve played some hard games over the decades and I don’t mind a challenge. But it really irks me when a game is overly difficult due to its control, which I feel is sadly the case here. The control could use some work; it’s a bit too loose for my taste. Gomez slips and slides a bit too much which can often lead to cheap hits and early deaths. Some sections require you to jump at the very last second. Failure to do so results in Gomez’s head bumping the platform above him. This could lead to you falling into a pit. Now thankfully falling into a pit doesn’t equal automatic death (it takes off just one energy bar). They had mercy there, but some of those pixel perfect jumps are just flat out annoying.

"How about a little help here, eh?" — *“How about a little help here, eh?”*

If you really need help, these Game Genie codes are handy.

Invincibility: 3CA7-A467
Infinite lives: DDA1-A4A7

"Maybe I'll just find me a new family instead..." — *“Maybe I’ll just find me a new family instead…”*

WHAT THE CRITICS SAID

The Addams Family has a fair smattering of supporters who often cites its non-linear approach and stiff challenge as the game’s highlights. EGM gave it scores of 7, 7, 6 and 5. Super Play rated it 82%. The Addams Family has a pretty good reputation, especially when talking about license video games. Keep in mind that license games were often more miss than hit back in the early ’90s, and this game managed to rise above the muck.

CLOSING THOUGHTS

Having read quite a few glowing reports on The Addams Family over the years, I was pretty excited when I booted it up for the first time back in 2011. I was expecting a very competent and well balanced platforming adventure. In the end, it was something of a mixed bag for me. I’m just not that big a fan of games where you have to wrestle with the control almost as much as you do with the enemies themselves. For all the cool little moments the game presents, the sloppy control left a slightly sour taste in my mouth. If only Ocean had tightened up that aspect, The Addams Family could have been a nice little gem. Of course, your mileage may vary. There are many supporters of this game, but I just couldn’t get into it as much as I was hoping to. But it’s very clear Ocean put forth a good effort that just lacked a little polish.

Yet as much as the control irked me, I enjoyed the rest of the game for the most part. It’s extremely satisfying to knock off the latest boss and earn an extra heart or rescue yet another family member. The last world sports the best graphics in the game. Boss battles are fairly interesting and you could tell Ocean put some thought into this one, rather than it being an afterthought. The final boss is a bit of a joke though, but getting to him is certainly no laughing matter. Thankfully passwords are available along with many lives. One can certainly work through the control issues with a bit of practice and persistence. There is definitely a decent game here, but I’d only recommend it to hardcore platforming fiends. If the idea of lengthy levels, taxing difficulty, freedom to roam around and random secrets galore appeal to you then there’s a solid chance you’ll dig this game. Oh and double everything I said of course if the idea of playing as Gomez gets you all wet with anticipation. Hey, I don’t judge. So yeah, decent game but could have been better. It’s a fun but frustrating Super Mario World clone starring The Addams Family. You could do a whole lot worse than that. Happy Halloween!

Graphics: 6.5
Sound: 8.5
Gameplay: 6.5
Longevity: 6.5

Overall: 6.5

To each his own. Try it out for yourself and see — To each his own indeed

Addams Family Values is flawed but fairly interesting — *Addams Family Values* is flawed but fairly interesting

Uncle Fester Link to the Past style! — Uncle Fester *Link to the Past* style!

First Samurai (SNES)

Pub: Kemco | Dev: Vivid Images | July 1993 | 4 MEGS — ***Pub: Kemco | Dev: Vivid Image | July 1993 | 4 MEGS***

When I got back into all things Super Nintendo in early 2006, one of the reasons was the desire to play longstanding childhood curiosities that I never rented. Among those 100+ curiosities was an odd little action title by the name of First Samurai. Coming out in the summer of 1993, it largely flew under the radar. But I’ll never forget seeing it previewed in an EGM issue in early ’93. Its dark and dreary screenshots left a mark on me, and I always wondered if it was as decent as my imagination had made it out to be. First Samurai originated on the Amiga in 1991 and it earned some rave reviews. In fact, Amiga Power rated it 91%. The success of their action platformer inspired little known developer Vivid Image (who also made Street Racer) to convert First Samurai to the 16-bit powerhouse SNES. Kemco picked up its publishing rights and we’re off the races, right? Not quite. The summer of 1993 saw a GLUT of Super Nintendo games being released, and First Samurai didn’t carry with it much press or clout. As such, it quickly faded from memory. But not mine. When I got back into the SNES in early 2006, First Samurai was actually the 7th game I played, and I had a choice of over 50 games to pick from. It was one of those strange childhood games I just had to finally play. So, is it any good, or does it deserve to stay obscured in the shadows? Let us endeavor to find out.

Amiga? No thanks. Oh what, 91%? I'm listening... — Amiga? No thanks. Oh what, ***91%***? I’m listening…

BUT FIRST, A HISTORY LESSON

One of my favorite EGM issues of all time

EGM issue #43 (February 1993) was one for the ages. It featured a badass 59-page preview of upcoming SNES games, and I devoured every bit of it as a 9 year old kid. Many of the game previews had me intrigued, but one in particular really caught my eye: FIRST SAMURAI. Most SNES games at the time were bright and bold but First Samurai was different. It was dark and foreboding… the kind of game perfect to play leading up to Halloween. Indeed, there’s a reason why I put First Samurai on my list of SNES games to play during Halloween season.

I must have read this 100 times over and then some!

LATE NIGHT WRASSLIN’ AND GAMES

Nothing beats quelling a childhood curiosity at last!

There’s something special, for me at least, about watching a live special wrestling event late in the evening (or early in the morning, depending on your view). These special shows don’t happen often and you can feel the excitement welling up as the show nears. But you’ve got some time to kill leading up to it. And I find a perfect time killer is finally playing a childhood curiosity that I have been wondering about for over 20 years. I have fond memories of playing Harley’s Humongous Adventure for the first time as I was waiting for WWE Beast in the East (emanating from Japan) to come on at 2:30 AM.

Nothing like live wrestling at 3 in the bloody morning! — *The Beast in the East* special took place on July 4, 2015

BEAST in the EAST, indeed — Nothing like watching wrasslin’ live at 3 in the morning

Fast forward over 3 years to October 6, 2018... — Fast forward over three years to October 6, 2018…

History has a funny way of repeating itself. This past Saturday morning, I found myself staying up late to catch the first hour of WWE Super Show-Down. Around 1 I decided to revisit First Samurai. Now I had played it briefly back in early 2006, but I never sat down with it thoroughly. With October now here, I wanted to review it as part of my Halloween lineup. It brought back fond memories of Beast in the East and playing Harley’s Humongous Adventure beforehand.

Just too bad Super Show-Down kind of... sucked :P — Just too bad *Super Show-Down* kind of… sucked

Oh well. You can’t win ‘em all, I suppose. Nonetheless, I still had a good time revisiting First Samurai. It is indeed like a mash-up of Castlevania and Ninja Gaiden. Now it’s not nearly as awesome as that sounds, but you can see traces of both classic games implemented throughout First Samurai. Not too shabby.

The exploration aspects of First Samurai help to differentiate it a bit from the packed crowd of action platformers on the SNES. The above shot is a good idea of what a typical level looks like. You’ll run around killing tons of demons and monsters while hunting down key artifacts and Mystic Runes. All under the veil of a quasi-Asian demonic underworld. Come on, how bad can that truly be, eh?

Not as bad as the European ad for First Samurai! Yikes — Not as bad as the European ad for *First Samurai*! Yikes

Samurai Shodown had a badass samurai, Haohmaru — *Samurai Shodown* had a badass samurai, Haohmaru

Whereas First Samurai went for a more rugged vet — Whereas *First Samurai* went for a more rugged look

In a way, you have to admire the interpretation Vivid Image went with. Sure, he’s not nearly as cool as Haohmaru. He’s not as flashy or aesthetically pleasing. Instead, he’s a grizzled vet full of scars. You can tell he’s been through some shit. And I mean homeboy HAS BEEN THROUGH SOME SHIT. Just look at that kisser and try to tell me that’s someone to mess with. He will FUCK YOUR SHIT UP.

THE STORY GOES…

Immediately, the young Samurai falls to the Demon’s magic.

Overwhelmed, the Demon King escapes to the future.

Hellbent on slaying the Demon King, the Samurai, with his Sensei’s magic sword, hunts the Demon King through all of time and space.

Difficulty-wise, First Samurai can be tricky and tough at times. There are only 5 stages but they fluctuate in difficulty. Passwords are nonexistent but thankfully there is a level select cheat code that allows you to skip previously beaten levels if you wish not to play through the whole thing again.

At the Options screen:

1-2: Hold L + R + X + A and press right
2-1: Hold L + R + X + A and press down
2-2: Hold L + R + X + A and press left
3-1: Hold L + R + X + A and press up

Witness the slowest stage title crawl in 16-bit history. I could almost make and eat a sandwich in the time it takes for the words “STAGE 1″ to appear.

Welcome to the ravaged battlefield. The year is 1730 and your hunt for the Demon King begins in a foul land that’s been corrupted by evil and disease. I like how each stage opens with the Wizard Mage floating eerily around the screen (which you can speed up with the press of a button). It’s accompanied fittingly so by a creepy sound effect that haunts my ears to this day. It really sets the somber mood proper, making this an ideal candidate to play during Halloween season. After the samurai finishes meditating, the Sensei’s magic sword comes flying to our hero. I love when games allow you to hop on trees. It’s the small stuff, y’kno?

Looming over the samurai is a huge dilapidated statue. You feel a chill in the air as you push forward toward the beastly growls. You’ll come across a Warp Lantern (these allow you to warp to different parts of the level provided that you’ve activated one of the magic pots) as well as your very first Mystic Rune. You must collect all 5 Mystic Runes on each stage before you can fight the boss.

Monsters of various sizes greet you at nearly every step of the way. Looks like someone’s a fan of the Alien films. Early on, the game provides you with helpful messages. But this goes away after the first stage and it all becomes intuition afterwards. Pretty cool.

Speaking of cool, it’s possible to strike down enemy projectiles with a well-timed swipe of your Sensei’s Katana.

Whenever you collect treasure or gobble up food, you’ll hear “HALLELUJAH!” Bizarre but so damn satisfying. This game has some crazy sound samples and it’s all part of the cheesy charm.

Summon the Wizard Mage to help clear the path by collecting Magic Bells. I marked out the first time I saw this. The crack of lightning in the background, along with the whipping rain and thunder sound effects, really makes this super atmospheric. I mean, it’s no Legend of Zelda: A Link to the Past rain but gawd damn, seeing this in the dead of the night with all the lights turned off was pretty damn neat.

Samurai’s ability to scale and climb walls reminds me of Ninja Gaiden II a bit. Grab the Mystic Rune lying there as well as the axe sub-weapon. It lets you attack from a safe distance just like the Castlevania games. First Samurai has some neat tricks up its sleeve!

Whenever you lose your first life bar, the sword goes away and your force bar regenerates some of your life bar, but your force bar goes to zero. Kill enemies to collect force energy. After your force bar reaches 70%, the sword returns to you. So the only way to die is to lose BOTH your life and force bar. Enemies respawn too, so it gives you a chance at farming. That is, if the respawning enemies don’t outright kill ya!

Summoning the Wizard Mage reveals the path. But first you must have a Magic Bell. Sometimes they’re hidden in tricky places…

Nothing’s better than seeing a double whammy. In this case, a Warp Lantern and a Mystic Rune. But beware of the fire breathing dragon statues. First Samurai also features option helpers, similar to Gradius III, in the form of spinning shurikens.

Where’s the rain, you ask? See, here’s the quirky (and cool) thing about First Samurai. The effects in which the Wizard Mage clears your path is never the same. It’s always fun to see what tricks he will perform next!

Similar to Castlevania, food can sometimes be tucked away in obscure hidden places. Always experiment! A mutant frog blocks your path. No need to summon the Wizard Mage, it’s time to slice and dice. Hope you like frog legs!

Scattered throughout the stages are magic pots. They basically serve as save points but you’ll need to first activate them by way of meditation. And in First Samurai, meditating means kneeling for 2 seconds. Activating a magic pot does eat up some of your force bar, so keep that in mind. But should you die, being whisked to the closest point before a boss battle is a lifesaver. I wouldn’t activate every single magic pot on a stage, but definitely do so if you feel death knocking on your door. Trust me, you don’t want to start back at the beginning of a level.

Remember, you cannot fight the boss until you’ve procured the 5 Mystic Runes AND come to the appropriate boss area. Later stages switch it up where the boss battle isn’t always at the right of the level. This gives the game more of an exploratory feel than most other SNES action platformers.

Everyone needs a pet for companionship and in the case of the Demon King, assassin-related purposes. Meet Akai-Ryu and Aoyi-Ryu, AKA the Red Dragon and the Blue Dragon. The Demon King’s dragon twin pets voraciously defend the Mountain Realm in his absence.

Beware, the red one spits out 3 slower shots while the blue one emits multiple fireballs at a much faster clip.

Sometimes, namely whenever you’re out of force energy, you’re… er… forced to fight with just your bare fists and feet! It’s not ideal especially against the bosses but this samurai is one tough son of a bitch that refuses to go down without fighting to the very bitter end. When the dust settles, you’re oddly elongated as you teleport to the next stage.

Wizard Mage transports you onto the time travel express train. You stand awestruck at the wondrous train and its magical ability to travel through time. Suddenly a warning from the Wizard Mage pierces the samurai’s mind. “I’ve discovered that the Demon King built this device and one other to aid him in his time travels. Seize control of the time train from his minions to help lock the Demon King in his future domain!”

Chrome Dome has traveled through time apparently to make an unexpected cameo. Hmm, makes you wonder if Hamato Yoshi (Splinter) ever trained with the First Samurai.

Wizard Mage to the rescue once again. This time you get a gnarly purple effect.

Somewhere E. Honda is rolling over in his grave. I really like this level. The fast zooming space background lends itself well to the time traveling aspect. There are tons of roofs you can break open to jump down below or out of. Eventually you head to the front of the train but there’s nothing there. Hmm, where could that 5th and final Mystic Rune be? Expect there to be a bit of this when you play First Samurai.

Wizard Mage’s having way too much fun with his job.

Originally released in 1991, it seems like this second boss (Obakeh) was inspired, at least in part, by the T-1000 in Terminator 2: Judgment Day — the legendary summer blockbuster of ’91.

Finally, after two levels, we officially arrive at Stage 2. There goes that creepy Wizard Mage bastard again. With the destruction of the time train, our hero finds himself in the decaying hulk of a monstrous city. In the year 1999 the Demon King’s hordes descended upon the metropolis, and without the Master Sensei to defend it, the city fell. Now lawless chaos reigns and you must fight again to restore order and free mankind from the Demon King’s evil grasp.

Welcome to Tokyo in the year 1999. Back in 1993, I’m sure ’99 felt like eons away. Now, as I write this review in the year 2018, 1999 was almost 20 years ago. Yikes. This is another pretty cool stage. I like the aesthetics here with the yellow buildings and breakable windows. Hell, you can even crack open the manholes to enter an underground passage full of deranged demons.

Question: why does every video game that features Tokyo always depicts Tokyo at night? Answer: no matter what, it always has a great atmosphere.

Wouldn’t have the same effect if this were held in the daytime instead. But at night? OOOOH, AHHHH.

Sometimes a demon will try to ambush you following your act of vandalism. Other times, you’ll find food hidden away. It’s fun to shatter the windows and see what you get.

ProTip: Blast Laura Branigan’s Self Control while playing this stage.

Heading underground doesn’t prove any less safe as hordes of creatures appear in full force. And, pray tell, why are there floating jellyfish out of water? Who knows, this game is an acid trip!

Seriously, First Samurai reminds me of one of those trippy horror action Hong Kong flicks that I watched during my childhood in the late ’80s and early ’90s. It’s just bizarre and nightmarish. Perfect for Halloween, indeed.

Wizard Mage, did you go on to become Zordon?

Walking around barefoot with all those shards of glass can’t be good. Love that Japanese Pagoda which lights up intermittently. Lovely stuff.

Summon the boss Gyakusatsu by offering up the 5 Mystic Runes. Ooze drips from this disgusting, octopus-tentacled creature of the Netherworld. Slightly reminiscent of Medusa from Castlevania, it’s unsettling how it heaves demon heads at you and crawls in and out of the walls. Creepy…

Remember how the time train was only one of the Demon King’s two devices that can span the eons? This next level, the time elevator, is the second. When your mystic blade disables the central guidance computer, the final battle will be at hand. I like climbing the chains and breaking the boxes open to find goodies.

Vengeance awaits. You now find yourself in the Demon Palace. The year is 2245. You can almost taste his blood on your blade.

Breakable nooks and crannies, containing invaluable goodies, are scattered throughout the Demon Palace. It’s really tough sledding here without your sword — his limbs are too damn short!

Zordon, I mean, Wizard Mage comes through again.

Twisted and demented, this is the perfect level to play on a cold dark October night.

Always nice seeing Magic Bells and Mystic Runes for the taking!

Security is pretty tight in Hell, I see. But nothing will stop me from hearing that glorious “HALLELUJAH!” voice sample.

Wizard Mage, you never cease to make me smile.

Graphically, for the most part First Samurai isn’t anything special. But once in a while, whether it’s a pleasant rain effect or this flashing scene, First Samurai surprises you.

Beware, the Tengu demon is on the loose and very lethal. Try keeping a safe distance and throwing knives at it.

Can you put an end to the vile Demon King?

With horror, the First Samurai remembers the Demon King’s hideous visage. Now, he must face the evil king alone…

THE FIRST FIRST SAMURAI

As previously stated, First Samurai originated on the Amiga in 1991.

Including a whopping 91 from Amiga Poweer — Amiga Power rated it a whopping ***91%***

SECOND SAMURAI

In 1994, a sequel was released called Second Samurai (naturally). It appeared on the Amiga and Sega Mega Drive (the name of the Sega Genesis in regions outside of North America). I find it interesting that it never came out in North America or on the SNES for that matter. Then again, I always thought it odd that the Genesis never received First Samurai. Perhaps Vivid Image was trying to make up for it with Second Samurai. Whatever the case may be, the sequel is even more obscure than its predecessor.

Second Samurai incorporates the same time travel theme. This time our hero travels back in time to the prehistoric era. Yup, he’s still on a quest to defeat the Demon King.

It features a 2 player co-op mode and Sega-16.com writer Sebastian Sponsel rated it a solid 7 out of 10, calling it the best Amiga port he’s ever played on the Genesis.

Can you kill the Demon King once and for all?

HELPFUL TIPS

If there is an obstacle you cannot seem to get past, try using a Magic Bell to summon the Wizard Mage. Perhaps he will help you. Keep in mind that you must be in the precise spot to call upon his spirit, or else nothing will happen. Also make sure you have a Magic Bell. If you don’t, better go find one!

Keep your force meter high at all times by defeating many smaller demons. They respawn so farm if you need to. Remember, you only die if both your life and force meters are fully depleted.

Sometimes walls, floors and ceilings are weak. Try to break them with fist, foot or steel to open a blocked passage or find a hidden item.

Once you have collected all 5 Mystic Runes, look for the boss’ lair to summon a Demon Overlord to battle. Their lair is not always located at the far end of a stage, so some exploring may be necessary. Never call to battle the Demon King or any of his Demon Overlords without the great Katana in hand. Whenever you lose your sword, the First Samurai screams out loud, “OH NO, MY SWORD!” It’s rather comical, but charming in its own unique way.

"OH NO, MY SWORD!" makes me think of "My word!" Thanks, Laxia, for demonstrating the usage — ***“OH NO, MY SWORD!”*** makes me think of *“My word!”*
Thanks, Laxia, for demonstrating the usage (*Ys VIII*)

WHAT THE CRITICS SAID

Super Play, notorious for their harsh grading, was actually pretty impressed by First Samurai. Unfortunately, First Samurai didn’t receive much press in North America. Neither EGM or GameFan reviewed the game and as such, it was doomed to fly under the radar. Super Play rated it a solid 80%.

Pretty impressive for a port of a 1991 Amiga game, eh?

CLOSING THOUGHTS

I’m not as high on this game as Super Play was. I do like it, and in some ways, I like it a lot. But that’s the sentimental me talking. Technically, it falls a little short. But more on that in a bit. Let’s cover the positives first. There’s no denying that First Samurai is a unique game in the massive SNES catalog. There really aren’t too many games like it. The atmosphere is refreshingly dreary and foreboding as opposed to the majority of SNES games that are “cute” and colorful. First Samurai is particularly fun to play around Halloween season. Its quasi-Asian motif and ghoulish enemies help to make it stand out in a packed crowd, despite the game not being as competent as one might hope.

The samurai’s ability to climb pillars and such is reminiscent of Ninja Gaiden II. And dueling with dastardly demons hearkens one back to Castlevania. Our hero can also jump very high and control is generally very good. I also like all the little tricks the game presents: Magic Bells to summon sorcery, Warp Lanterns that transport you to a certain section of the level, Mystic Runes that must be collected before fighting the boss, finding the boss lair itself, sub-weapons that allow you to attack from a safer distance and the unique usage of the life and force meter. First Samurai has a slight exploratory feel to it that not every SNES action platformer has. This definitely helps to increase the game’s appeal. Unfortunately, the gameplay has its share of flaws. While he can jump high, jumps are floaty. But the biggest flaw in my opinion is his pathetic sword swipe. It doesn’t nearly cut the swath you would hope or imagine, and this does lead to a lot of unnecessary damage. It’s a similar flaw to Lagoon, but at least in Lagoon there are tricks to work around this flaw. Not really the case in First Samurai. Besides, he’s supposed to be a badass samurai! But maybe because he’s the first of his kind, he’s still learning how to hone and perfect his craft.

Look like a light saber but it sucks — **“OH NO, MY SWORD… SUCKS!”**

Whatever the case may be, his disappointing sword swiping almost single handedly removes First Samurai from “hidden gem” contention. His upward swipes are fine, and striking at a downward angle isn’t too shabby either. But my God, his normal sword swinging, the one which you’ll do most of, leaves a lot to be desired. Worse yet, it makes the game far more difficult than it should have been if this simple mechanic wasn’t botched in the first place. I will say this, though. I do enjoy how his sword looks more like a light saber. Now if only he swung it like how Luke Skywalker did…

But there’s enough to like and appreciate about this game. The graphics, while nothing spectacular, remind me fondly of an 8-bit NES game from 1990. Even though the character sprites are a bit squabby and somewhat aesthetically unpleasing, there’s an odd charm to the visuals of the game (even though they’re not great by any stretch of the imagination). Some of the color schemes used stick out in my mind for some reason, like the level that depicts Tokyo in the year 1999. The sound effects are muffled but you gotta love the “HALLELUJAH!” and “OH NO, MY SWORD!” speech samples. Music is pretty decent as well. Just too bad the rest of the sound effects are on the lower end of quality. The game presents a pretty tough challenge but like I said, that’s mainly due to the hero’s lack of attacking range. But First Samurai can be fun despite it all. And it really does personify the very meaning of “guilty pleasure.” So in the end, I wouldn’t go out of my way to buy or play this, but it’s definitely got a place on my Halloween game list. And because of my history with it, First Samurai will always, oddly, occupy a space within my gaming heart.

Graphics: 6
Sound: 6
Gameplay: 6
Longevity: 6

Overall: 6.0

The Incredible Crash Dummies (SNES)

Pub: LJN | Dev: Gray Matter | October 1993 | 9 MEGS — **Pub: LJN | Dev: Gray Matter | October 1993 | 8 MEGS**

There are a ton of action platformers on the SNES, and there are a lot of licensed games. Some you wholeheartedly expect like Alien³, Mighty Morphin Power Rangers and Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles IV: Turtles in Time. But some licenses were rather unexpected and downright bizarre. Enter The Incredible Crash Dummies. EGM agreed, “awarding” it with the title of “Strangest License” in 1992. But never judge a game by its cover or title, right? After all, some of those games actually turn out to be pretty decent, such as Cool Spot. Do The Incredible Crash Dummies pass the test or do they simply crash and burn?

Believe it or not, I actually had a vested interest in the Crash Dummies. Not only was I a fan of its action figure lineup, but the game legitimately had me intrigued. I remember seeing it at The Wherehouse 25 years ago. My older brother made all the renting choices back then but I asked him would it be OK if I rented Crash Dummies provided his choice title wasn’t there? Surprisingly, he said yes. As fate would have it, his game of choice was rented out and I brought home The Incredible Crash Dummies that afternoon. It was pretty underwhelming to say the least but I recently fired it up to give it a second chance 25 years later. Was it just as bad as I remember it being? But first…

REMEMBER WHEN?

A public service announcement campaign was launched in the mid ’80s to advocate the usage of seat belts to potentially prevent fatalities in car crashes. Using crash test dummies as a model, we were inundated with commercials of said dummies crashing through walls, barriers and objects throughout the mid to late ’80s. In early 1991, the world was introduced to Larry and Vince. They were the OG’s of the Crash Dummies lineup that would soon follow.

A whole new generation was launched — Say hello to the new generation

In late 1991, Larry and Vince were replaced by Slick and Spin. Throughout 1992, we were introduced to a myriad of other friends and foes. A toy lineup was launched by Tyco and its unique novelty found a niche in the toy market.

New blood, the aptly named Spare Tire — The aptly named Spare Tire

One of the evil doers — Did you catch the title change above?

Notice that the packaging above went from Vince & Larry to The Incredible. Of course, with a brand new lineup of toys hitting toy shelves in 1992, Tyco had to bring some evil doers to the fold. Because every cartoon series or toy lineup has to have its own version of Shredder, Skeletor or Mumm-Ra.

Not nearly as iconic as Shredder or Skeletor :P — Not nearly as iconic as Shredder or Skeletor

No relation to Junk Man from Mega Man 7 1995) — No relation to Junk Man from *Mega Man 7* (1995)

I always had a fond spot for Spare Tire, the goofy lad

The quirky gimmick of the Crash Dummies was what drew me in as a kid back in 1992. The figures often had two buttons you could press. The top one sent their arms flying out and the bottom one, their legs. It fit in perfectly with the Crash Dummies PSA campaign and it was just a lot of fun making them implode at will.

No one was immune, not even the little ones

The Batmobile has got nothing on this :P — The Batmobile has got nothing on this

Shout out to Trj22487 from Nintendo Age!

The Crash Dummies lineup was an oddly memorable relic from days gone by. The packaging made it stand out on the shelf: its snazzy neon colors immediately drew my eyes in each and every single time. God I miss the early ’90s.

Trj22487 has a mighty impressive collection

CONFESSIONS OF A DUMMY

Spin stole my heart. In turn, I stole him from the store

We all stole something as kids, right? Be it a Snickers bar, a small action figure or even just some gummy worms from the local grocery store in those clear containers you could open and close at will, I like to think in a weird way it’s almost like some sort of rite of passage. Of course, stealing in any capacity is wrong. But kids mess up and learn from their mistakes. I was no different. For me, it was Crash Dummy Spin. One look at him and I had to have him. Unfortunately for me, my mom wasn’t having it that day… so I took matters into my own hands. Literally.

A relic from a bygone era... — A relic from a bygone era…

Remember Pay Less way back in the ’90s? No, not the shoe store (which still stands today) but rather Pay Less Drug Store. It was similar to CVS, Walgreens or Rite Aid. My mom used to take me there all the time. One day in 1992, after my mom refused to buy me Spin because I already had enough toys according to her, I fell victim to the voice of temptation. I ripped the package open and put Spin in my pocket. I remember my heart was racing a mile a minute as my mom and I walked out of Pay Less that fateful day. I kept hearing the alarm ringing in my head and seeing police officers escorting me off to the backseat of a police car. But alas, as I crossed the threshold of death, with my teeth gritted and Spin securely lodged in my pocket, I breathed a sigh of relief when all was calm and quiet. However, my conscience took over when I was suddenly washed with regret and a guilty conscience. I took Spin out of my pocket and showed my mom my sordid act of defiance and delinquency. I’ll never forget the mortified expression she had frozen on her face that day. It was like I had shattered a piece of my innocence. But I also remember her being proud of me because she knew I could have easily gone on lying. Instead, I recognized the errors of my way and quickly corrected it.

Thanks for the memories, Pay Less. R.I.P.

Together, my mom and I trudged back into Pay Less to inform the cashier about what I had done. I remember expecting to be banned from Pay Less for life, but the clerk was amazingly understanding. He was firm about how what I did was very wrong, but he too was proud I did the right thing in the end. My mom apologized profusely and all was forgiven. I did some extra chores at home and about a month later, my mom took me back to Pay Less and this time we paid for Spin. It’s one of those childhood lessons and memories that has always stuck with me.

Dont be a dummy. Stealing is never right — Good times

CONFESSIONS OF A DUMMY PART II

The Incredible Crash Dummies made their presence known in toy aisles around the nation in 1992. That same year Tyco released Crack Ups — giant 20 inch plush action buddies of Spin and Slick that had detachable limbs held on by Velcro. They sold for $19.99 and I wanted one so bad. My mom eventually caved in, but sadly for me, Spin was sold out. I didn’t want to take my chances that my mom would change her mind, so I ended up settling for Slick.

It reminded me a lot of Chucky from the Good Guys. Child’s Play is an iconic horror film from the late ’80s, and I remember wanting a Good Guy. The Crack Ups were the closest thing to it.

It was a brilliant idea. And it fitted the Crash Dummies gimmick to a tee. A match made in Heaven, as it were.

Once Slick got home, my brother and I went to town on the poor thing. We ripped off his head, arms and legs like savages. We performed every conceivable wrestling move in the book on poor old Slick. And each time, we would patch him back up and send him through the ringer again. After the 100th time, you might think we would have grown tired. Nope. We continued bashing the snot out of him until my mom decided to return Slick the following week. She was growing concerned that we were too violent. I’m sure she wasn’t the only mom who returned a Crack Up.

Fast forward a year. I was at KB Toys on December 23, 1993, when I spotted Spin in the clearance aisle. Marked down to a remarkably low price of just $9.99, I begged my mom to buy it. A year had passed since she witnessed our violent antics on Spin’s pal, Slick. I guess she knew it would make a perfect cheap Christmas gift so she caved in.

On the ride home I remember clutching that big neon box and just staring at my new buddy, Spin. It was weird but I felt an odd connection to the plush action buddy. Maybe it was my Pay Less trial with Spin a year prior or maybe it was because I sort of saw him as my imaginary fake pet, but once I got home and took Spin out of the box, the last thing I wanted to do was give it Jake the Snake’s DDT. Instead, I sort of adopted it as my own. The thing and I quickly bonded, and miraculously, my older brother was able to respect my wishes not to “hurt it.” Although he did whenever he was pissed off!

I had a little spare bed in my room where Spin slept — I had a little spare bed in my room where Spin “slept”

I even draped a blanket over him. Dont ask — I even draped a blanket over him. Don’t ask

I know it was weird but I didnt care. I liked Spin — I knew it was weird but I didn’t care. I liked Spin

Rarely did I ever "crack him up" like such — Rarely did I ever “crack him up” like such

Though that didnt stop some of my friends... — Though that didn’t stop some of my friends…

One in particular did Jaxs arm ripping Fatality — One in particular did Jax’s arm ripping Fatality

That same friend also did Jaxs head crushing Fatality — That same friend also did Jax’s head crushing Fatality

It happened on the one weekend he came over when I forgot to hide Spin. Once he spotted Spin in my room, I knew it was over. My friends took turns abusing Spin while I helplessly watched on. I knew if I asked them to stop that I would reveal myself as a freak. So I stood by wincing as they passed poor Spin around.

We all have weird childhood stories. Spin was definitely one of mine. I remember thinking how cool it would be if he could walk and talk. Ah, to be an innocent kid again.

And hey, at least Spin wasnt creepy like these two! — Annabelle who?

As you can see, my history with the Crash Dummies goes way back. Because of that, the SNES game by the same name had me intrigued 25 years ago. It turns 25 years old this month, so I figured now is a good time to revisit it and review it. Sadly, not every story has a happy ending…

THE STORY GOES…

Remember the legendary cutscenes of Ninja Gaiden? Yeah, no one ever credited Crash Dummies for raising the bar. Nevertheless, we find out Junkman must be stopped before he figures out the secret.

Dummies Slick and Spin try to reassure the good doctor.

Junkman comes barreling through!

SPLAT! goes the dummies as Junkman confronts and captures Dr. Zub.

Expect your fair share of puns and cheesy humor.

Literally, he needs a hand. Good one.

Incredible Crash Dummies at least does a good job of explaining why it’s a 1 player game and not 2 players. I guess one has to give it credit for that at least. I always knew Spin was the smarter one of the two. Yeah sure, have fun getting killed, Slick!

Dreaded LJN logo appears. Yikes. LJN was infamous for their “bad” games back in the day. But they only published it. The developer was actually Gray Matter, who made B.O.B. previously. That was a pretty good game. I wish I could say the same for Crash Dummies…

Madness… Mode 7 madness! So this game is pretty tough. These two cheat codes help. Invincibility and infinite ammo: L, R, B, L, R, A, L, R, A at the title screen. Level select: L, R, B, L, R, A, L, R, X.

Platformers plagued by slippery and loose control is never a good thing.

Typical scene in Crash Dummies. “Oh, this is an easy jump.” NOT.

Enemies come flying at you fast. If you do manage to escape the initial onslaught, watch out for the flying debris that can nick you all the same. This is partially what makes this game so damn tough. Each time you’re hit, you lose a limb.

Losing limbs can lead to hopping around on one foot or even bouncing around on just your torso. This adds a bit of black humor to the game which is amusing at least for the first 10 minutes or so before the novelty wears off.

Previously, I had reviewed Plok. Plok is another game where you can lose all your limbs and be forced to bounce around on your torso. Plok came out a month before The Incredible Crash Dummies and both games just celebrated 25 years. But it’s amazing to see the difference in quality between the two. Plok is one of the better platformers on the SNES whereas Crash Dummies is rightfully forgotten and relegated to the scrap heap, pieces and all.

Screwdrivers replace the last limb you lost. Wrenches add three to your wrench count which serves as your projectile weapon. You can also bounce on enemies’ heads to kill them but I wouldn’t trust the game’s hit detection if I were you.

Beware of cars crashing from high above.

WHEW!! Cutting it close there, pal. Hit the spring to be taken to the next stage.

Springs also send Slick flying from Point A to Point B.

Hazards abound such as electric pits and crashing light bulbs.

Sliding underneath saves you from losing a limb. Speaking of which, seeing a screwdriver hanging around while you’re on your torso is such a relief.

Throwing wrenches at enemies is the safest route, although wrenches can grow scarce, so use them wisely. No lawn bowling, eh? More like “GIT OFF MAH LAWN!”

Edward Scissorhands flashback, anyone? The first boss rides a giant whisk machine. Yeah, it’s about as strange as the license itself.

Avoiding obstacles by jumping over them is the name of the game here.

Another “groundbreaking” cinematic cutscene plays out.

There’s definitely a comical touch of dark humor backing this game. Spin shouts “NO! NO! LOOK BOTH WAYS!” but to no avail.

D’OH!!!

They’ll never learn, will they?

Construction site is the, er, site of the next stage. Jump over cement critters.

Beware of rusty spikes. Whew, a much needed screwdriver!

Encounter all manner of strange creatures. Later on you’ll be able to inflate yourself into a floating balloon of sorts, but avoid the buzz saws!

DID YOU KNOW?

The Super Famicom version, for some reason, was released nearly a year later. While it came out in North America in October of 1993, it didn’t arrive in Japan until September 30, 1994. By then, the Crash Dummies were pretty much dead in terms of toy presence, so it’s a mystery why this came out in Japan so late. But did you know the artist for the Crash Dummies box, Marc Ericksen, had his fingerprints on over 90 video game art covers?

Bad Dudes was one of his notable ones — *Bad Dudes* was one of his notable illustrations

WHAT THE CRITICS SAID

The Incredible Crash Dummies did not fare well with the critics of the time. EGM gave it a 4 and Super Play rated it 41%. They both agreed that there was some potential but the finicky control ruined whatever small chance the game had at being decent.

The one time anyone ever said anything positive!

CLOSING THOUGHTS

I remember being pretty disappointed in Crash Dummies 25 years ago when I rented it in October of 1993. Fast forward 25 years later, I popped the game back in my SNES hoping that maybe, JUST MAYBE, I might be able to appreciate something about it that I couldn’t as a kid back then. Nope. It’s pretty close to being a dud. It’s not unplayable and it’s certainly not one of the worst games on the SNES. But it’s well below par and only a hardcore Crash Dummies fan will find ANY sort of value from this game.

The graphics are poor and aren’t pleasant to look at. The sound is equally as unpleasing. There are a few moments of gameplay where you start to get in a bit of a rhythm and for a split second you’re able to enjoy yourself a little bit. But then enemies come flying out of nowhere that you can barely avoid. It’s just not fun having to memorize where enemies come zooming in or having to throw your wrench way before they appear on screen. That’s poor design, period. Thankfully, there is a level select code since there is no password option. There’s also an invincibility and infinite ammo code if you just want to dick around and see the game all the way through. These two cheats help to increase the game’s longevity a little bit but really, this game is only for nostalgic hardcore fans of the Crash Dummies franchise. And even then, you’re sure to be disappointed.

The Incredible Crash Dummies has its fleeting moments, but the novelty quickly wears off, the loose control is too much to overcome and the level design is forgettable. All in all, you have a subpar licensed effort that should be avoided unless you’re a collector.

Graphics: 4
Sound: 4
Gameplay: 4
Longevity: 4

Overall: 4.0

Now you tell me?! — I wish I looked before I rented!

The toys were much better — The toys were so much better

Plok (SNES)

***Pub: Tradewest | Dev: Software Creations | September 1993 | 8 MEGS***

PLOK! (henceforth referred to simply as Plok) is the epitome of the early-mid ’90s. Developed by Software Creations (John and Ste Pickford designed the concept), Plok was a colorful mascot platformer that followed the “attitude” set forth by the likes of Sonic the Hedgehog. Back in 1993, side scrolling platformers starring a mascot with ‘tude was all the rage, and the Pickford brothers were not about to be left out in the cold. The 16-bit age brought with it hopes of new IPs that would flourish and launch brand new tentpole franchises that would satiate both gamers and those who made them. Plok was another in a long line of such. Did it manage to rise above the muck? For the most part, yes. But sadly, despite its good press and mechanics, Plok never quite caught on. Such is the life and fate of video games, eh?

The Japanese cover is bonkers — **ALL CAPS AND ! BECAUSE ATTITUDE!**

25 YEARS AGO…

Like so many SNES games that eluded me back in the ’90s, Plok was one of those games I saw sitting pretty on the shelf every Saturday while out renting games with my old man. As readers of Memories of Renting may recall, my older brother made all the executive decisions when it came to renting. And sadly, Plok was never high on his want list. So it became one of countless SNES games I always wanted to play back in the day but never did.

Even the back cover looked great — Even the back cover had me intrigued

I would always grab the box off the shelf, admire the front cover and then flip it over to the back. It was full of attitude and bright yellow text — exactly the sort of stuff that would attract any 10 year old boy.

One of the greatest things about gaming back in the ’90s was picking up the latest gaming magazine and reading it front to back. Some of those old previews and reviews are burned into my soul. Plok had great press and it looked so good on paper.

Of course, part of the appeal was the weird name and design. PLOK was just too fun to say as a 10 year old kid. Magazines took advantage of this “pun” and found clever ways to incorporate it. It was cheesy but that only added to the quirky charm of the character and game.

And then came the ads... — And then came the ads…

Gaming ads were also part of the fun of anticipating a brand new title back in 1993. While this particular ad wasn’t memorable or special, the comic strips were!

Click if on desktop or zoom if on mobile

There was just something so damn cool about the Plok ads that still resonate with me 25 years later. Yes, that lovable strange little critter turned 25 earlier this month! In a day and age where so many of our 16-bit favorites are celebrating 25 year anniversaries, it’s sad that this one flew under the radar. Though, I suppose that’s only fitting.

Happy 25th, PLOK! — Happy 25th, ***PLOK!***

We havent forgotten! Be happy, dont worry! — We haven’t forgotten!
Don’t worry, be happy!

WHOA. OK, that escalated quickly — **WHOA**. OK, that escalated quickly

Here, your flag. See? Its all good — Here, your flag. Cheers!

Its your birthday and you can punch if you want to! — ***“It’s my birthday and I can punch if I want to!”***

UM... alrighty then — **UM…** alrighty then. This party’s getting freaky!

THE STORY GOES…

*[Can I get this in simple picture form? -Ed.]*

Courtesy of the almighty Super Play :) — Courtesy of the almighty Super Play

Its a silly plot but hey, its all about the gameplay! — It’s a silly plot but hey, it’s all about the gameplay!

WHAT THE PLOK!?

Eat your heart out, Rayman! — Eat your heart out, *Rayman*!

Rayman, originally released in September of 1995 (2 years after Plok), is another character that fires his fist. But Rayman has gone on to enjoy a rather notable franchise with his latest hit being the critically acclaimed Rayman Legends. Oh what could have been. Plok Legends, perhaps? Alas, it wasn’t meant to be. Sorry, Plok! [Take your unwanted sympathy and go PLOK yourself -Plok]

Plok can even turn himself into a buzzsaw or collect presents to reveal a mystery power suit! It’s slightly reminiscent of Magical Quest: Starring Mickey Mouse, but the big difference is the power suits in Plok are temporary.

I wish you could switch back and forth but reducing their usage time does make it feel a thousand times more powerful and precious when you do get one.

I like how they incorporated a movie theme

Remember when instruction manuals were cool? Definitely one of the joys of gaming in the 90s — Remember when instruction manuals were cool?
Definitely one of the joys of gaming back in the ’90s!

Definitely one of joys of gaming back in the 90s! — The little guy can even ride various vehicles!

This was nearly 25 years before Super Mario Odyssey! — This was nearly 25 years before *Super Mario Odyssey*!

Talk about being ahead of the times! — Talk about being ahead of its time!

Hmmm... déjà vu indeed — Hmmm… déjà vu indeed

True, Yoshi's Island (October 1995) did it, too... — True, *Yoshi’s Island* (October 1995) did it too…

Plok still came out 2 years earlier — *Plok* still came out 2 years earlier

Granted, Plok had nothing like this :P — Granted, *Plok* had nothing like this

But Mario inspired Plok so yeah. Fair trade-off — But Mario inspired *Plok* so yeah. Fair trade-off

GOOD OLD DAYS…

Don't adjust your TV -- Plok goes black and white! It speaks to the game's unique charm and quirkiness — Don’t adjust your TV — *Plok* goes black and white!
It speaks to the game’s unique charm and quirkiness

PLOK THIS AND PLOK THAT!

There’s a hint of Tequila Song mixed in with a harmonica here that makes the opening title screen a very cool and memorable one.

Leaving his homeland of Akrillic, Plok hops on a raft to make the sojourn to Cotton Island. Maybe whoever took his flag took it there. Only one way to find out!

Picturesque and made entirely of soft fabrics, Cotton Island is famous throughout Poly-Esta for its gorgeous sunsets. Plok has some cool moves. For example, holding down while on a slope allows him to slide. Fire his limbs to take care of the pesky Shprouts.

Beware of wild rolling logs! They come at you fast and furious. His regular jump barely clears the hurdle.

Somersault to safety. It allows you to catch way more air. On the downside, you can’t attack in this state but it’s great for leaping over enemies and obstacles. Each stage ends with a flagpole. OK, so much for talking trash about Super Mario Odyssey copying Plok…

Recurring gag in the form of anything but his flag being raised! It’s good for a grin. Plok is filled with bits of humor.

Touching that icon turns our little hero into an indestructible spinning ball of steel, whizzing across the islands of Poly-Esta at breakneck speeds for a few short seconds. Anything caught in his path is turned into Shish Kebab.

Occasionally, you’ll see presents laying around. These bad boys turn our hero into a really bad boy.

Hiding in little nooks and crannies can be a lifesaver. Just make sure you don’t press down here or else Plok will slide off! Although there’s no way to preview what lies ahead by scrolling the screen up or down, the collectible shells indicate where you can safely jump and land. Brilliant.

Speaking of brilliant, Plok utilizes an energy bar system. Magic fruit can be found throughout the game and recovers four health bars. However, if you strike them once or twice, they grow bigger and refill your health even more. Just make sure you don’t get too greedy or else they will pop, leaving you with nothing! I love it when a game puts a slight twist on something otherwise so routine and basic.

Speaking of slight twist, this… er, OK this is pretty standard stuff. Still, I always love seeing arrows composed of collectible items pointing in the direction one should go. And hey, instead of blocks they used a rope… yeah… that’s all I got.

Colorful and zany, Plok is like a Saturday morning cartoon (or an acid trip) come to life. Watch out for Rockyfella who disguises itself as a landmark but quickly pops out of the ground with vitriol.

Formerly failed acrobats, Milton and Marshall Bobbins now roam the islands of Poly-Esta as thugs for hire. The Bobbins Brothers are rumored to be working under the Flea Queen. Some people say there used to be a third brother, Irving, who left the act many years ago due to “creative differences.”

Tougher than a $2 steak (shout out to Good Old JR Jim Ross), the Bobbins Bros (now there’s a real tag team wrestling name) are brutal. Usually platformers ease you in with an easy first boss fight. Not so here. Good luck!

Surprise, surprise. Plok’s flag is nowhere to be found on Cotton Island so he heads back home to Akrillic. Here a quirky new gimmick presents itself. Hit targets with your limbs. After doing so, your limb gets attached to a hanger nearby. Retrieve it if you can before moving on because you’re going to need all the limbs you can get. This gimmick, as you can imagine, sets up some interesting scenarios where you have to use your brain as much as your brawn.

Another new gimmick comes in the form of fleas. Each level now has a set number of fleas you must kill before you can exit the stage. Some fleas are out hopping about, but most are in eggs that will soon hatch. Be sure to dispatch of them quick! You can also collect hornets which can attack and kill enemies, but they’re pretty dumb. Still, just another wrinkle to Plok!

Although Plok looks like a “kiddy game,” do not be fooled. It is one HARD son of a bitch. It’s a shame there’s no password system, because this is a prime example of a game sorely in need of one.

Whatever you do, be sure to hang on to all your limbs. Your health is based on an energy bar, not how many limbs you have… BUT the more limbs you leave behind the harder it will be to defend yourself and ultimately survive.

ADE DUE DAMBALLA

Scratching your head wondering what’s going on? That’s typical after the first 10 minutes with this game and constantly dying. Plok is no walk in the park. To make life easier, there’s a Child’s Play option that reduces the speed and health of enemies. You won’t get to play some of the harder levels on this mode though, but at least you’ll get to see most levels you otherwise might not on Normal.

Normal mode doesn’t allow you to destroy logs and other rolling obstacles. Your limbs will sail through them harmlessly and hopelessly. Child’s Play, however, does allow you to clear the path for an easier adventure.

WHAT’S THE PASSWORD? … AH SHIT

Unfortunately, there’s no password system in Plok. But maybe there’s some sort of level select cheat? Nope, sorry. There is, however, a cheat that will take you to the 6th stage. It’s not much but it’s better than nothing. Jump in the water on the first stage and then hit the magic fruit three times.

Boarding his helicopter, it’s a race to the finish. Spiky obstacles block the path but it’s easy enough. Still, what a shame to have so many levels and no password system in place.

You're gonna need this and more... — You’re gonna need these tips and more…

No passwords is such a punch to the gut... — No passwords is such a punch to the gut!

Damn you, Pickford bros! :P — Damn you, Pickford bros!

I just want to see this damnit! — I just wanna see this, damnit

WHAT THE CRITICS SAID

Plok was well received by the critics of the time. EGM gave it scores of 9, 8, 8 and 7. Super Play rated it 90%. Super Play was notorious for being harsh with their review scores, particularly on “me too” platformers. The fact that they doled out a massive 90% to Plok speaks volumes.

Plok is also generally beloved within retro gaming circles. Fans have been clamoring for a sequel for decades. But so far, no más. Still, with the Nintendo Switch and so many old IPs coming back to life over the past couple years, never say never. Hey, one can dream!

No PLOKKIN way, you say? Let us dream, damnit! — No **PLOKKIN’** way, you say? Let us dream, damnit!

One day, like the Ploxterminator, hell be back — One day, like the Ploxterminator, **HE’LL BE BACK**

Back to rule the throne :P — **BETTER WATCH YO ASS,** **RAYMAN**

CLOSING THOUGHTS

The fall of 1993 was a fun time to be a 10 year old kid. Both 16-bit systems were going strong and you had platformers and fighting games coming out left and right. As a fan of both genres, this pleased me to no end and made scouring the glossy pages of EGM and GameFan a monthly religion. I’ll never forget all the colorful previews of Plok and seeing the box at my local rental stores. Those giant orange yellow letters P-L-O-K always seemed to call out to me… but alas… my older brother called the shots 25 years ago and it was never meant to be. Years and years later, I assembled a massive SNES collection and began playing through them one at a time. For some reason, although Plok was always near the top of my to-play list, I always had the urge to play something else. Whether it was B.O.B. or Harley’s Humongous Adventure, Plok sat there patiently waiting. Once again, its big bold letters called out to me. I could always see it in the corner of my eye… and in the case of the picture above, literally. Finally, it was earlier this month that it hit me. Plok turned 25 PLOKKIN’ years old. It shot right up to the top of my queue. After finally playing it at long last, I can honestly say it turned out to be almost exactly as I imagined it being a quarter of a century ago…

Plok incorporates a lot of quirky little gimmicks. From donning power suits inspired from famous movies to manning vehicles of mass destruction, there’s always something zany to do. Small wrinkles are peppered in throughout the game to keep it feeling fresh. Whether you’re increasing the power of a health refill before consuming it, launching hornets at enemies, turning into an indestructible spinning ball of steel or collecting your various limbs off a hanger, Plok never has a dull moment. And whatever you do, avoid going torso only at any point. Poor Plok will bounce helplessly about if you lose all his limbs and he’s stripped down to the nitty-gritty. It may be comical at first to see the Plokster bouncing around only on his torso until you realize it’s a golden ticket to an early grave.

The graphics are amazing. It’s colorful and full of vibrant life. The music was handled by the legendary Tim Follin, so you know that’s on point, too. The only real complaint I have is the lack of a password system and how the game can be insanely difficult. The control is responsive for the most part, but it does seem to suffer slightly from the occasional pixel perfect jump. There are some frustrating leaps of faith too that don’t always have collectible shells to show you the way. It’s still a very good platformer, but it’s not quite in that upper echelon.

The list of 16-bit mascot platformers that challenged Mario for the crown but failed to live up to expectations is long and well detailed over the past 25 years. Bubsy is the poster child for that but there were many others. Plok managed to do what only a select handful could. Not only did it rise above the ranks of mediocrity but it’s a legitimately good game. It’s no Super Mario World but hey, what really is? Happy 25th anniversary, Plok, and here’s wishful thinking for a long overdue sequel.

Graphics: 9
Sound: 9
Gameplay: 8
Longevity: 6

Overall: 8.0
Silver Award

Rockyfella you look familiar... — Rockyfella, you look familiar…

Pickford bros also responsible for Equinox! — Pickford brothers were also responsible for *Equinox*

Skyblazer (SNES)

Pub: Sony Imagesoft | Dev: Ukiyotei | January 1994 | 8 MEGS — ***Pub: Sony | Dev: Ukiyotei | January 1994 | 8 MEGS***

The SNES is home to many great action titles. Everyone knows about classics such as Mega Man X, Super Castlevania IV and Super Metroid. But there are a bevy of lesser known “hidden gems” that have since gone on to enjoy something of a cult following. Skyblazer is one of those games that sort of flew under the radar when it came out back in January of 1994. I missed out on it back then and was excited to finally play it in early 2006 when I had my SNES comeback. What’s all the fuss about? With the fan hype surrounding it, even back in 2006, I was anxious to see if it really was as good as many were claiming. I was only 12 years late to the party, but better late than never!

Skyblazer is known as Karuraou in Japan. To no one’s* surprise, the US box art was “modern and hip” while the Japanese box conveys a more anime-inspired cover.

*Unless you’re someone who wonders what SNES** stands for.

**Surely Not Everyone’s Stupid!***

***[Quit this asterisk nonsense! -Ed.]

If Skyblazer plays with a certain air of familiarity, that might be because you’ve played Ukiyotei’s first game, Hook. Skyblazer was their second, and the similarities between Sky and Peter Banning are quite similar.

I recommend Hook. Its a simple fun little game — I recommend *Hook*. It’s a simple fun little game

I’VE GOT THE POWER!

Sky will gain key magic powers throughout his journey. They’ll eat up magic points of course, but you can restock said points by killing enemies. Randomly, refills will drop. Use these skills to even up the odds.

THE STORY GOES…

It aint rocket science, folks — It ain’t rocket science, folks. It’s…

INTRO STAGE

SkyBl2 SkyBl2b

Things start off with a bang. A heavy downpour and lightning flashes make for a striking introductory stage.

SkyBl3 SkyBl3b

Showing off his magical prowess, Sky launches the Super Flash. It only consumes one magic bar and is generally useful in most situations.

SkyBl4 SkyBl4b

Clinging to walls like Spider-Man, Sky knows how to make a dramatic entrance.

SkyBl5

Speaking of dramatic, this is a great level to play on a dark stormy night.

Meet Ashura, Raglans right-hand man, er, demon — Meet Ashura, Raglan’s right-hand man, er, demon

But a bearded old man takes you in, saving you — … a bearded old man takes you in, restoring you

Between the three islands, 20 stages await — Between the three islands, 17 more stages await

FALTINE’S WOODS

Faltine’s Woods makes for a nice jaunt but I’m still racking my brains out over exactly WHO IN THE BLUE HELL IS FALTINE!? Nobody by the name of Faltine ever appears in Skyblazer. So pray tell, WHO!? *grumble*

One second youre streaking on top — One second you’re streaking on top…

... and the next youre slipping through the foilage — … and the next you’re slipping through the foliage

Every now and then I get a little bit lonely... — Every now and then I get a little bit lonely…

SkyBl10

Faltine’s Woods is too short a stage. Actually, that’s a recurring theme with Skyblazer. The stages are often over right before you can *really* sink your teeth into them.

TEMPLE INFERNUS

Clinging to the side of a roving block as it transports you across a fiery pit of hell is rather satisfying. Be careful of what lies at the other end, though…

SkyBl12

Skyblazer isn’t too hard a game, but it does ramp it up a bit later on. Mr. Genie here is a cakewalk. He’ll throw some fireballs at you but they float slowly and are easily avoidable. He can only be damaged when he’s in the lamp.

CLIFFS OF PERIL

Flying Hero, released on the Super Famicom on December 18, 1992, was developed by Sting Entertainment who later went on to make one of my favorite SNES RPGs, Treasure Hunter G. Anyway, that flying enemy in Skyblazer there always reminded me of the hero from Flying Hero.

TOWER OF THE TAROLISK

Skyblazer has some cool stages but this is arguably the most memorable and notable of them all. It’s cool to see the tower rotating as you jump about.

Magical powers, like the Comet Flash, come in super handy here.

SkyBl16

Beware of the spiky platforms… time your leap just right! Once inside the tower, you’ll have to deal with spiked walls and assorted nasties.

The Tower of Tarolisk is very reminiscent of an old 1987 video game by the name of Nebulus. Created by John M. Phillips, Nebulus was released to various home computer systems such as the ZX Spectrum and Commodore 64.

Thanks for nothing, Nintendo of America!

SkyBl18

Crossing great distances is made a lot easier thanks to the Comet Flash. Talk about style, Sky’s got it in abundance.

Disappearing blocks appear just to make life a little harder. Brings back some bad Mega Man memories…

Making it to the top is a great sigh of relief. The walls inside close in intermittently, so don’t get crushed!

Notice how this giant spinning armored eyeball boss gets bigger each time you hit it. It makes the later jumps rather difficult. As you can see, I barely clear the hurdle on the fourth time.

Eventually it’ll get so big that you can no longer jump over it. Instead, kneel for safety. It’ll come awfully close to clipping you, but Sky will be in the clear.

Magazine previews of this giant rotating eye boss back in the day always caught my, er, eye. Sorry. But yeah, as a kid you couldn’t help but love it.

BITCH! -Jesse Pinkman, probably — **BITCH!** -Jesse Pinkman, probably

[SEE your way out... -Ed.] — *[SEE your way out… -Ed.]*

GATEWAY TO EASTERN PLAIN

Collect enough gems to earn an extra life

PETROLITH CASTLE

You knew a slippery ice level was coming. Step on those bad boys and they’ll give way. You don’t want to be riding one when it does!

Unless, of course, were talking about this! — Unless, of course, we’re talking about this!

Riding an ice wedge has its moments, though. Or rather, just one moment. But what a fine moment it is.

Flying Hero, I hate to kill you but sorry I have to! Later on, Skyblazer turns into Mario Blazer. Very reminiscent of Super Mario World, eh?

WATCH OUT THERE, SKY! It’s slippery so don’t let your forward momentum impale ya!

Another cool ass boss! With each rotation it makes in an attempt to crush Sky, the gap in the side of its wall will randomly change. Be prepared to jump, kneel or even cling and climb over!

WHOA, GET DOWN! Sky almost becomes a flattened pancake, but luckily he is able to duck in time. I love how the monster’s eyeballs are taken out one at a bloody time.

Naturally, the wall moves faster after each rotation. By the end, things get rather hectic… and deadly.

FALLS OF TORMENT

Skyblazer is largely a linear adventure, but this part gives you some freedom of choice. The Falls of Torment (what a name) has rotating logs that make standing still on them an impossible task. Pair that with some vile creatures and you’ve got a recipe for potential disaster.

LAIR OF KHARYON

Throughout the history of video gaming, water-based stages have tormented and haunted generations of gamers. This to me is the most annoying level in Skyblazer. Thankfully, you don’t have to worry about breathing underwater. However, there are a lot of switches to flip and annoying currents that correspond to said switches. I dread having to play this level. Still, it’s got nothing on Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. You know what I’m talking about!

THE SAND RIVERS OF SHIROL

Jumping from pillar to pillar as they steadily descend is not as easy as it may appear to be. Thankfully, the control is pretty good so it comes down to your skills and timing. But there’s hardly a safe haven waiting for you, thanks to fire breathing beasts.

GATEWAY OF ETERNAL STORMS

There’s a lovely fall (and even Halloween-lite) atmosphere to this stage, making it perfect to play on a late darkening afternoon this time of the year. Use your magic powers to clear the path.

SkyBl36

Creepy how killing this demon leads to his head falling off and then it disturbingly turns into a one-eyed spider with gangly legs. Nightmarish stuff, really.

Skyblazer is a beautiful looking game, with plenty of pretty parallax and scrolling. There’s a nice mystic quality to it all.

STORM FORTRESS OF KH’LAR

Gimmicks lead to more diversity, and this stage is no exception. Watch the currents. It’ll guide your path.

SkyBl39

Finding the exit is always a relief. It’ll lead you to more bizarre enemies but at least you’re one step closer to the end.

FORTRESS SHIROL

Reminiscent of the horizontal shooting levels from Legendary Wings. Sadly though, the control for Sky’s flight always felt annoying to me. Something about it that was slightly off. Hmm.

NOT MY GAMERA

Batman (1966) would be proud — *Batman* (1966) would be proud

THE LORD OF WAR

Remember him from the beginning? He's baaaaack... — Remember him from the beginning? He’s back…

You gotta beat Ashura first before fighting Raglan

This time you're ready for him — This time you’re ready for him

Prepare yourself for... — Prepare yourself for…

That's a lot of flashing — That’s a lot of flashing

Nice try, Sky. Hey, you can't blame the guy :P — Nice try, Sky. Hey, you can’t blame the guy

POSTERIZE ME

WHAT THE CRITICS SAID

Skyblazer graced the beautiful cover of Super Play — *Skyblazer* graced the beautiful cover of Super Play

Skyblazer received fairly strong reviews when it came out nearly 25 years ago. It even graced the cover of Super Play Magazine in December of 1993 (issue #14). EGM gave it ratings of 8, 8, 8, 8 and 7. Super Play rated it 78%.

Wil Overton with the gorgeous art as always

Not a bad rating at all, especially come from SPlay — A fairly respectable rating all things considered

DID YOU KNOW?

GameFan Graveyard September 2000 — GameFan Graveyard (September 2000)

18 years ago, GameFan ran a love letter of sorts to Skyblazer. Writer ECM called Skyblazer “one of the greatest SNES games of all time.” GameFan was well known for their hyperbole and overly enthusiastic opinions, and this was no different. Skyblazer is definitely a quality action game but one of the greatest SNES games of all time it certainly is not. At least, from an objective point of view.

Hmmm, might want to check your facts, GameFan... — Whoa, what?

Interestingly enough, the man responsible for Gran Turismo, Kazunori Yamauchi, is also the same man behind Skyblazer. Pretty cool obscure little fact!

Gran Turismo was a huge deal back in 1997 — *Gran Turismo* was a huge deal back in 1997

The franchise is still going strong, 21 years later

To think, he started here! — To think, Kazunori started here!

Pretty eye-popping if ya ask me... — Pretty eye-popping if ya ask me…

Sadly, not too many bought Skyblazer back in 1994 — Sadly, not too many bought *Skyblazer* back in 1994

It could have been a franchise. What could have been

CLOSING THOUGHTS

I came into Skyblazer with a ton of hype and 12 years of roaring anticipation. The previews back in the day made it look like a can’t miss classic. After reading all the rave reviews and love letters regarding Skyblazer both in print and online, it became one of the earliest SNES games I went out of my way to play during my SNES resurgence in early 2006. In the end, I was a little let down. Don’t get me wrong, I still consider Skyblazer to be a good game. But it’s hardly “one of the greatest SNES games of all time” as GameFan writer ECM put it 18 years ago. Too many flaws prevent it from reaching its full potential. I’m not a fan of Sky’s short limbs and the hit detection feels a little wonky at times. Clinging to walls is a fun mechanic, but there’s the occasional ill-advised spot where Sky will do so just because he’s near a surface. The problem arises when you don’t intend for him to latch on! And that could be the difference between winning and losing. Pressing a button to enable sticking to surfaces would have mitigated this unnecessary annoyance. Sky’s sound effect whenever he’s hit isn’t too flattering, either. He sounds a bit like Homer Simpson and it feels out of place. “D’OH!”

Still, Skyblazer gets a lot right. It’s kind of got this cool epic mystic vibe going for it, even if much of it is extremely cliché. Some of Sky’s magical powers are really fun to use and light up the screen in a dazzling array of lasers and lights. Almost every stage has some sort of little wrinkle or gimmick to keep gameplay fresh and varied. One minute you’re scaling an impressive rotating tower and the next you find yourself slipping in and out of foliage somewhere deep in the woods. The difficulty starts out rather light but quickly picks up. It never gets too hard, but later levels can infuriate with deaths caused by the odd occasional bit of clunky control. It’s things like this that stop Skyblazer from achieving even greater heights.

The graphics are really good for the most part. It’s vibrant and cartoony, typical of its era. The Mode 7 actually adds to the package rather than detracts, and of course you can’t help but admire the insane amounts of parallax. Sky looks and animates great. But every once in a while you see a crap water effect or a dull enemy design that occasionally makes you stop and wonder. The music is a delightful and eclectic mix of different styles, each one befitting of its respective stage. Ranging from calm and soothing to frenetic and frantic, a sense of real adventure jumps through your stereo system. There’s definitely a Middle Eastern-inspired flare to it all which makes it stand out from your typical SNES action game soundtrack. The boss theme will definitely get your adrenaline pumping.

The biggest weakness of Skyblazer is less than stellar control (particularly in the flying levels) and the levels themselves are way too damn small. They’re more like bite-sized sections than they are full levels. Just when you’re about to sink your teeth into a certain level’s gimmick, it ends. More than disappointing, it’s downright annoying. It’s like they tried to rush this game out in time for the Christmas season of 1993, but they still came up short and in more ways than one! Nonetheless, if you can overlook some of the game’s shortcomings and focus on the positives, of which there are plenty, Skyblazer rises above the typical crop of forgettable, fair-to-middling SNES action games. It’s not in the pantheon of the upper tier classics, but it does hold its own pretty well against the rest of the field. Best of all, Skyblazer allows you to satiate your inner child by embracing your magical powers and taking on a band of mystical mayhem-mongers all while saving the universe from an ancient evil Lord of Darkness. Hey, that’s what video games are all about.

Graphics: 8.5
Sound: 8.5
Gameplay: 7.5
Longevity: 5.5

Overall: 7.5
Bronze Award

Maybe Skyblazer didnt quite reach its ceiling... — Maybe *Skyblazer* didn’t quite reach its ceiling…

... but its still pretty damn cool! — … but it’s still pretty damn cool!

Those blocks remind me of... — Those clear blocks are just like…

... the ones from the Batman toy commercials! — … the ones from the ’90s *Batman* toy commercials!

I call them the Batman blocks :P — I call them the *Batman* blocks

Classic stuff. I was sad the blocks were never included!

DAMN YOU, KENNER! *SHAKES FIST*

B.O.B. (SNES)

***Pub: EA Sports | Dev: Gray Matter | June 1993 | 8 MEGS***

I vividly remember seeing the box of B.O.B. at local game rental stores as a kid and always wanting to rent it. Alas, as readers of Memories of Renting may recall, my older brother called the shots back in those days. As such, B.O.B. became one of countless SNES curiosities that would elude me until much later in life. I recall being shocked seeing the name of Electronic Arts slapped on the box. EA Sports was known for their sports titles. Only years later did I realize EA Sports was the publisher. The developer was actually Gray Matter, who developed shitty SNES games like James Bond Jr., Wayne’s World and Incredible Crash Dummies. In fact, B.O.B. is based off the game engine of Wayne’s World. So right away things aren’t looking good for B.O.B. but somehow, Gray Matter managed to get this one right. I suppose even a broken clock is correct twice a day, eh?

The back of the box was so damn cool — Click on this if on desktop or zoom in if on mobile

I remember flipping the box over and gawking at the back cover in awe. Most SNES boxes had fairly decent back covers but B.O.B. raised the bar considerably, not wasting an inch of real estate. The back was splattered with color and action, and it even featured a badass logo of our newly minted hero on the sides of the box. Oh how badly I wanted to rent it then and there but the last thing I wanted was a pissed off older brother who could beat the snot out of me

The Sega Genesis box was damn cool in its own right

The cartridge had that cool yellow EA tab gimmick, too

You just don't see back covers like this any more — You just don’t see back covers like this any more

Looks familiar, EA... — Looks familiar, EA…

On a side note, EA Sports did develop their own action platformer a year later when they released Michael Jordan: Chaos in the Windy City. Now that I think about it, it does have a few similarities to B.O.B. Makes you wonder if publishing B.O.B. inspired EA to eventually develop their own action game. Chaos in the Windy City isn’t shabby, but B.O.B. is the better of the two.

A LOADED ARSENAL

Pick from six guns and six gadgets to help even up the odds. There’s a bit of added depth thanks to these tools, and you can either pause the game to switch or switch on the fly with the shoulder buttons. Gotta love the SNES controller!

(MOSTLY) GUNS

If Doom were made into a cartoony side scrolling action platformer, it would look a lot like B.O.B. Use the fist to conserve your ammo. It really packs a, er, punch!

Your standard single shot is the weakest gun you have and since it doesn’t have unlimited ammo, you’ll probably end up using this one the least. Your punch is actually stronger than this!

The triple shot gives you great coverage with medium power. I use this the most.

Rockets seek out the nearest target and is handy for when you’re trying to duck and dodge while simultaneously shooting like a mad man.

The flame thrower eats up a lot of ammunition fast and has limited range, but it’ll burn up the bad guys in a hurry.

Think of the bolt shot like the single shot, only 20 times stronger.

The wave shot is essentially the BFG of this game. Ammo is limited, it cuts a huge swath and does a stupid amount of damage. Save it for the bosses…

GADGETS

Be like Mary Poppins and glide gently to safety.

The flash sends the screen into a frenzy and affords you roughly eight seconds to safely sneak through any scenario. The enemies will be too blinded to attack!

The almighty shield grants eight seconds of invulnerability.

For a much needed boost, bust out the trampoline. It can also be done in mid-air.

Floating bomb destroys (or damages) every enemy on screen.

Use the helicopter hat to reach new heights and places. Avoid touching ceilings or else!

THE STORY GOES…

Rather than saving the world, our hero just wants to meet his hot date on a Saturday night. Of course, before he can leave, his old man gives him a lecture.

Fathers know best, right?

Teenagers can’t always see it though, because they’re young and, well, 17.

WHEW! A couple close calls there but all is good…

OOPS… I spoke too soon! THE END IS NEAR indeed.

There’s a bit of a comedic touch to this game. The map screen kind of takes me back to the days of ToeJam & Earl!

Interestingly enough, the game came out first in North America. It was released a good six months later in Japan (December 22, 1993) and was rebranded as Space Funky B.O.B. Pretty strange if you ask me!

Ammunition is limited in this game so conserve your ammo whenever possible. Thankfully, the punch is actually fairly potent and useful. The acquisition of the triple shot does make life a lot easier, though.

Weapon and gadget icons are sparingly placed throughout the levels. Always search them out and don’t run straight for the exit. Doing so will only hurt you later when it counts. And yes, because B.O.B. came out in 1993 during the mascot rage, our hero has his own antics and ‘tude.

“Gnarly” lingo is sprouted off at the start of each stage. That was 1993 for ya. I love seeing his fingers ripple up and down as he slides from point A to point B. The sound effect adds to the fun of it.

Careful! He can’t fall great distances without sustaining some damage.

Reminiscent of Alien the movie as well as Alien³ the game. Fry those little suckers! Spotting the exit within reach is always nice, but if you have time be sure to check out the surrounding nooks and crannies…

Goodies (and danger) lurk just around the corner!

Totally (1993) indeed. Love the visual effect of leaving a level.

Ammunition is fairly scarce so grab every single one you can. And use the punch whenever you can. You’ll need to conserve your ammo if you want to make it far.

Wrenches fully recover your health. It’s great seeing one especially when you’re just about to die! Watch out for the various stage hazards as well.

Creatures and critters abound. Love the nasty mess they leave behind when you kill them. A nice squishy sound effect makes it twice as fun.

Grabbing on to a pipe or vine and then sliding through following a fall is inexplicably satisfying, and something you’ll do a lot of. There is a nice flow to B.O.B. and this aspect contributes to said flow.

Certain stages will deviate from the norm and put you in a B.O.B.sled sort of affair. It’s a nice break from the usual. Avoid hazards and make it safely to the end. It can get quite dramatic as you can see above — super low health and out of time! The cool thing about running out of time is you don’t automatically lose. Once the clock hits 0, your health will drain. So it gives you a little grace period and sometimes you’ll need it to win!

Facehugger, much? The Alien homages are cool to see.

Jumping to catch the tip of a ladder is super satisfying, but jumping from tiny ledge to tiny ledge can be a bit of a frustrating experience. B.O.B. doesn’t have the best control in the world. It’s manageable, but rather loose.

Rockets come in handy against the first boss, the gigantic Borg Snake. Your rockets will take out his rockets, and since you can fire more at once than it can, you’ll be able to inflict damage in the process.

Occasionally it will stretch its neck out in an attempt to knock you back but other than that, it’s easy pickings.

Sometimes you’ll run across a health chamber. Enter it to fully recover your health. It’s reminiscent of the health chambers from Corridor 7, although B.O.B. came out first. Occasionally you’ll need to use your helicopter hat to reach the exit.

Destroy the pods first and then the vile creature will drop to fight you, pissed off that you killed its detestable babies.

Mutant maggots launch an airborne attack. Tired of dicking around, you bust out the great equalizer — the BFG! It’s time to exit this god-forsaken planet of Goth and go meet your girl!

Finally, you’re on your way to meet your hot date…

DAMN!! Way too close for comfort but you’re OK…

Naturally, it had to be a small piece, no? First goes the top…

Followed by everything else. And you thought your Tinder date was a disaster!

Arriving on the planet of Anciena, there are booby traps galore that will kill you instantly. Anciena is much tougher than Goth was.

Crouching and punching is the way to go sometimes. The enemies get harder and harder as you go deeper in the game.

Gliding down slowly and safely via the umbrella is a satisfying technique that you don’t see nearly enough of in other similar games. But one thing that is universal… the thrill of reaching level’s end with hardly any health remaining!

Creepy indeed! It almost feels satanic… in a cartoony way, of course.

Eroding platforms make their mark here. Fire birds try to subdue you, but send their asses back to the fiery pits of hell.

Nothing tops seeing a wrench when you’re on the verge of dying. They’re perfectly placed too, which speaks to the diligent efforts of Gray Matter (a shocker, I know). Little details, such as being able to see the rocket when equipping the rocket gun, make for a nice visual touch.

Sometimes, the exit can be seen early on but it’s just a tease — it’s nowhere near as accessible as it appears to be. B.O.B. quickly becomes a tough test of brutality. Just how hard? Sometimes you’ll finish a stage with no time left and barely any health!

Beware of Mr. Potato Head’s evil twin. One punch from him sends you flying back a great distance. Here’s another stage where you must use the helicopter hat to reach the exit. Thankfully, the items you need are often placed nearby. But you’ll still need to be stingy with your inventory as you never know when you might really need something and resources are scarce.

Helicopter hat and the umbrella add such great versatility and depth to B.O.B., making it a cut above your typical SNES action title.

B.O.B.sled stages are simple and fun to navigate, adding value to the game. They’re also infrequent enough to never wear out their (novel) welcome.

Something bad definitely happened!

Beware its acidic tongue.

Konami would be proud of this boss design. I love how the bosses flash orange-red when taking damage. Takes me back to the NES days of gaming!

They’ll even flash blue, too. Give ol’ Lava Lord the BFG treatment.

Memorable boss fights is key to a quality action game, and B.O.B. definitely check marks that box. Love the way Lava Lord dies, exploding one body part at a time!

Spoiler: Red Skull takes a break from guarding the Soul Stone to make a cameo in B.O.B. I guess you could say overly positive fan reaction to his scene in Infinity War has left him feeling a little… big headed. Moving on, watch out for the cloaked wizards who can electrocute your ass.

Anciena is guarded by a big bad beetle bot. It’s pancake city and auto death if his fist connects.

Thankfully, one shot of the BFG will take out its arms. This boss killed me 30 times before I thought of switching to the BFG. D’oh!

Killing bosses in B.O.B. feels super satisfying.

Alright, it’s time to meet your hot date! You zoom by a gas station and think to yourself, “Nah, I’m good!”

Riding along, singing your stupid song, you come to a most disturbing sign.

GAWD DAMNIT! Not this shit again!

Crashing on the strange and dangerous planet of Ultraworld, only the toughest weekend warriors will make it out alive.

Definitely WEIRD that no one over at Gray Matter did a spell check! Ultraworld is ultra tough. You’re walking along when all of a sudden something barfs on you and a chunk of your health goes missing!

Glancing back, you see it’s some kind of nasty parasite. A lot of B.O.B. is level memorization and repetition. It’s the only way to advance. Go a bit further, die, learn from your mistakes and repeat. A certain enemy on this stage will release bullets even after being killed. This world is TOUGH.

Annoyingly not something you can kill, this obstacle will send you flying back a great distance if you get too close. Mercifully, smashing against a wall is only a sight gag; it doesn’t sap your precious health. However, any threat that you touch while flying backward is fair game!

Damn… even the ladders aren’t safe anymore! Make sure you look before you leap. Lots of weird and tough enemies here that will tax you to your limit.

Poisonous jellyfish zoom by turning our hero into Skish KaB.O.B. Expect to see that death animation over and over again… Ultraworld will punish even the most skilled players.

RUTHLESSLY BRUTAL

Hardcore players need only apply. B.O.B. will chew you up and spit you out. Whether enemies kill you or you get crushed or you simply miss the exit by a split second, B.O.B. is one of the hardest action games on the SNES. Goth starts out easy enough. Anciena kicks it up a notch but is still quite manageable. But then Ultraworld comes and kicks your teeth down your throat. Don’t say I didn’t warn ya…

GENESIS VS. SUPER NINTENDO

Having played both versions extensively, I can say without a shadow of a doubt that the SNES version is far superior. Better graphics, control and sound. It’s not even close. Plus being able to switch guns and gadgets on the fly via the shoulder buttons makes SNES B.O.B. so much more enjoyable.

Mark Lewis, the UK boss of Electronic Arts, had this to say about B.O.B. in an interview conducted by Super Play Magazine (issue #8, June 1993). It’s interesting that they dropped the “Search For Ultraforce” subtitle. B.O.B. made a little history when it became the first EA-published game to appear on the SNES before the Sega Genesis. Sadly for Mark and others, B.O.B. was a bit of a critical flop and things never quite panned out for our bug-like bot.

Sadly, it just wasnt meant to be — Sadly, it just wasn’t meant to be

MISCELLANEOUS

I love the fact that B.O.B. is such a bizarre game

The CyberDemon would be proud — The Cyberdemon would be proud

I’ll never forget the barrage of ninja skeletons. After you kill all of them, their heads will lift off the ground and attack you!

The last boss, appearing on stage 47, has three or four forms. I kind of freaked out the first time I saw him. It was a combination of finally making it all the way to the end and the wickedly memorable design. He was like an abominable cross between a mutant spider, elephant and octopus. The stuff nightmares are made of. Thankfully, you get helpful items appearing on either side of the screen to aid you in the final battle.

I remember my palms were all sweaty as I neared victory — I remember my palms were sweaty as I neared victory

Sheer euphoria the moment he came bursting apart

I remember sitting in the dead still of a hot August night as I vanquished the nightmarish final boss. Months of perseverance, repetition, level memorization and proper resource conservation all led to this glorious moment. B.O.B. is a satisfying conquest to those who can persist with the game’s brutal (yet fair) difficulty.

13 years after being curious about B.O.B. as a kid, I finally got to play it on June 10, 2006. It was a quiet Saturday night and the desire to at long last quell this childhood curiosity overtook me. As a kid staring at the tantalizing box at my local game rental store, I thought B.O.B. looked like it could be a good under-the-radar sort of game. It’s always nice when your gut turns out to be right so many years later. Childhood curiosities don’t always have a happy ending so it’s awesome when one does. On a side note, it blows my mind that it’s almost been longer since I beat B.O.B. in the summer of 2006 than it has been when I first wondered about the game in the summer of 1993. Frightening! It’s like the realization you have at 35 that you’ve been out of high school longer than how old you were your senior year! My, how time flies…

WHAT THE CRITICS SAID

Sadly, B.O.B. was mostly a flop with gaming magazines of the time. EGM gave it scores of 7, 7, 5 and 5. GameFan gave it ratings of 80, 70, 67 and 64%. Super Play buried it, rating it 54%.

But GamePro was a fan. I mean, take that for whatever it’s worth…

GamePro, however, wasn’t the only supporter. B.O.B. has a decent to solid fanbase as it turns out. Check out what some gamers have had to say over the years.

I always loved the game. I’m surprised that it never got a sequel -IronDraggon

It’s a decent game. I like the crouching and ways of shooting because games like Mega Man lacked that back then. I wouldn’t say there’s anything too special about it but it has its fun -cyberfluxor

I like just about everything about B.O.B. except for its hardcore difficulty once you reach the middle stages of the game. B.O.B. is resplendent with early nineties pop culture. You get a lot of funkadelic synthesized music that actually fits the foreign backdrops perfectly. I could rock out to the boss theme for a good ten minutes or so. B.O.B.‘s music and sound effects fit it like a glove -Snow Dragon

The graphics in this game were pretty darn good. The bug-like main character was chock full of detail. All the enemies were just as good as B.O.B. himself. The environments had a ton of detail drawn into them. B.O.B. was never a game that was really heard of a lot, but that doesn’t mean that it’s not good -BrakZero

The graphics of the game are pretty good. There’s good use of shadow, and B.O.B. looks excellent, as do most of his enemies. The animation also flows smoothly. The sound is good too, but not excellent. This game is worth a play. Although it’s mostly just an average shoot ‘em up side scrolling game, the humorous plot and difficulty will keep you coming back for more -Hiryuu

I really liked it. Really unexpectedly good game -PWHerman

Great game. I still play it now and again. If I recall right it flopped pretty hard critically since it was dismissed as just another SNES platformer. Dismissed as pedestrian and derivative when it is in fact a pretty fun refinement of this type of game -Neo Rasa

Well said, guys! I absolutely agree with Snow Dragon — I too could rock out to the boss theme for a good 10 minutes or so!

CLOSING THOUGHTS

The term “hidden gem” gets thrown around a lot, and many of yesteryear’s hidden gems no longer qualify as such because of people’s affinity to constantly mention them. Games like Demon’s Crest, Goof Troop and Run Saber have received more than their fair share of praise over the years, and deservedly so. However, B.O.B. even after all these years still does not receive the level of credit that I feel it should. Granted, it’s less appealing than those aforementioned titles due to a number of reasons. The control, while manageable, could have been tightened up. And the difficulty halfway through becomes downright borderline insane. But patient and persistent gamers seeking a stiff yet fair challenge are in for a treat. The exit for certain stages requires some thought. Some even require usage of the trampoline or helicopter hat. Speaking of which, the various gadgets give the game a more versatile scope as compared to others of its ilk. The many guns add to the fun as well, even though ammo is limited. Don’t expect a blazing run and gun affair. It’s more of a thinking man’s action game with deliberate pacing. Also, his ability to do simple things such as shooting up and crouching made B.O.B. rise above your average SNES action game.

Kudos to Gray Matter for skipping the played out hop ‘n bop routine. It’s a blast eviscerating bugs with the flame thrower or taking down massive bosses with the BFG. Aside from some minor control flaws (floaty jumps and control not being very crisp from a standstill point), B.O.B. is a well made game in many facets. Some stages have multiple routes, and while they’re very basic, the different routes are there at least. B.O.B. reminds me of some of the old classic 8-bit action games. There’s an old school back-to-the-basics feel, and this isn’t meant to be interpreted as a bad thing at all. Success largely comes down to repetition, memorization and proper management of limited resources. It’s very much trial and error like a lot of vintage NES games were. There’s an oddly addictive quality to see what the next level in B.O.B. will bring, despite a lot of them being somewhat similar. The B.O.B-sled levels do help break up the action, though, and those are well implemented both in terms of design and level placement.

Where's my long overdue sequel eh? Hello, Switch?! — Where’s my long overdue sequel eh? Hello, Switch?!

One random guy on the internet over a dozen years ago once eloquently stated, “Dude, this game is like… a retarded Metroid.” A backhanded compliment if there ever was one but HEY, you’ll take any Metroid-related compliments you can get! I really like B.O.B. a lot. Everything from its cheesy early ’90s atmosphere to the abundant amount of humor hits a sweet spot for me. With over 45 levels of ball-busting intensity and thankfully a password system, B.O.B. will provide hours of challenging gameplay and could easily occupy you for a few hardcore weekends. It isn’t the best SNES action game around but it truly is one of the more overlooked ones, even still to this day 25 years later. I once said B.O.B. is probably what Doom would be if Doom was ever made into a cartoony side scrolling blaster, in Ultra Nightmare mode mind you. So if that sounds appealing to you, do yourself a favor and check out B.O.B. the next chance you get. Besides, he needs your help to make it to his hot date. Forget saving the princess or the world, he just wants to get some. What a respectable lad

Graphics: 8
Sound: 8
Gameplay: 8
Longevity: 6

Overall: 8.0
Silver Award

Eat your heart out, Ripley :P — Eat your heart out, Ripley

Bahamut Lagoon (SNES)

Pub & Dev: Squaresoft | February 1996 | 24 MEGS — ***Pub & Dev: Squaresoft | February 1996 | 25 MEGS***

Squaresoft, one of the best developers during the Super Nintendo’s hey day, was responsible for such beloved classics as Final Fantasy II, Final Fantasy III, Secret of Mana, Seiken Densetsu III (AKA Secret of Mana 2), Chrono Trigger and Super Mario RPG just to name a small handful. That right there is a who’s who of SNES lore. When it came to third party developers, you could always count on the big 3: Capcom, Konami and Squaresoft. They produced some of the best games in the SNES catalog. In February of 1996, Squaresoft released a strategy RPG by the name of Bahamut Lagoon. Unfortunately, because it came out so late in the SNES lifespan and wasn’t a proven IP (unlike Super Mario RPG which came out in May of ’96), Bahamut Lagoon was destined to never leave the Land of the Rising Sun. But thanks to the dedicated efforts of Neill Corlett, Dragon Force and Clyde Mandelin (AKA Tomato), a fan translation was released and those unfamiliar with Japanese were then able to experience Bahamut Lagoon in all its glory. Earlier this year I finally carved out some time (57 hours to be precise) and got to experience one of Squaresoft’s “lost classics.” Bahamut Lagoon FREAKING ROCKS.

It looks so badass on that white cartridge! — It looks so sleek on that white cartridge!

WHAT IS BAHAMUT LAGOON?

Bahamut Lagoon is a strategy RPG that’s unlike your typical SNES RPG. It’s extremely linear, the game is broken up into 27 chapters and getting lost is virtually impossible. Naturally, there are pros and cons to this. If you’re looking for an RPG where you can really explore and branch off on your own path, this probably isn’t the game for you. But if you’re in the mood for a streamlined tactical RPG with some badass dragons thrown into the mix, this is the perfect game for you. In Bahamut Lagoon, you control up to six parties with each party containing four members and one dragon. Of course, members are interchangeable and different formations can be selected. You can adjust strategies as you wish. That’s mainly where the game’s freedom kicks in. You won’t get to explore a vast open world, but you have a bevy of options when it comes to offense and defense. Dragons add another key element to the puzzle. But more on that later…

MEET AND GREET

These are just 15 of the characters you’ll meet in your journey. Many others are waiting to be found. As you can imagine, each of them has their own personality, strengths and weaknesses. It can be fun to mix and match. Experiment!

ENTER THE DRAGONS

You can change their default names if they’re not to your liking. Dragons must be fed frequently if you want them to grow and increase in power. After a certain point, they can even transform…

Some forms can get pretty crazy... — Some forms can get pretty crazy…

CHARACTER CLASSES

THE STORY GOES…

There's definitely a Star Wars vibe going on — There’s definitely a *Star Wars* vibe going on

Resistance, Empire? Hmmm….

Squaresoft sets a serious and epic tone right away by casting ominous thunderclouds from the moment you power the game on. King Kahna tries to awaken Bahamut from its slumber to no avail. Might his daughter, Princess Yoyo, hold the key to saving Orelus and the once peaceful kingdom of Kahna?

Obsessed with ruling the skies and all of Orelus, Emperor Sauzer goes on a war torn path of destruction. Sauzer and his right hand man, Palpaleos, admire their handy work from a tower while contemplating a future where all cower before them.

Kahna: What are you scheming, Sauzer?! The Holy Dragons shall not awaken. I will not hand over their power to you!

Sauzer: They won’t wake up because their time of awakening has not come yet! The moment I conquer this world, their time shall begin! And that time begins now!

Kahna’s brutally murdered as one era ends and a new one begins…

Several winters later, Sendak (an old surviving member of Kahna) calls out to Byuu, a fierce young warrior who has since gone off grid. Sendak knows the Resistance will fall short without Byuu leading the charge. Sendak notes that everyone is saddened by Byuu’s absence and makes a harrowing proclamation: winter looks to be cold again this year. He wishes Byuu, wherever the young lad might be, the very best…

Naturally, Byuu makes a triumphant return and we get a flashback to provide a little backstory. Byuu was the one responsible for reviving Kahna’s Dragon Squad and during his hiatus he was out searching for all the dragons that went missing. Now that all the titans have been found, Byuu rejoins the Resistance force ready to reclaim the kingdom of Kahna! Pretty epic stuff, right? Squaresoft was simply the best once upon a moon…

Although the dragons have been found, it’s the Holy Dragons that must awaken. Specifically, Bahamut. Bahamut holds the key to everything…

ON THE BATTLEFIELD

Bahamut Lagoon has a unique battle system. The very first fight introduces us to the basic mechanics of the game. You can interact with your environment, something you couldn’t do in many other RPGs from that era. For example, if a bridge is broken you can’t cross the river unless you first freeze the water. It’s little things like this that makes the game so nice to play. Sorry.

Decide which party to go first. Then, you have a variety of options available. This includes moving your party around the battlefield, selecting the aggression level of your dragon and even using magic attacks from a safe distance. I like to select move and at the very least analyze how far I can advance. The screen will darken when you do this, with the lighted path illuminating your options.

Typically, you won’t be able to move far enough on your first try to get close enough to attack an enemy group. You may, however, be able to hit them with one of your magic attacks from far away. It’s OK too if the square isn’t directly on them. Press the button and it’ll show you the coverage. As you can see here, that enemy group is caught in the line of fire. Although damage is weakened when the enemy is not in the center of your initial square, it’s still nice being able to pelt them!

Damage is dealt to each bad guy in the group. Keep in mind as the game progresses you’ll have more mixed groups of enemies. For example, if an enemy uses fire magic then all fire-based attacks will not hurt them but it will actually heal them. So be sure to check the groups before you start hurling magic attacks!

Dragons come into play after your party launches a magic strike. Depending on the command you select (you can choose from go, come or stay), your party’s dragon will look for a nearby enemy group to attack. If it’s close enough, it will enter a new screen where combat will be conducted. This is a little dangerous as it gives the opposition a chance to hurt your dragon. However, if the dragon is not close enough to attack, it will then launch a magic attack from a safe distance with no chance for enemy retaliation (provided your dragon has enough magic points remaining). Naturally, you receive more points and bonus items for defeating enemies up close and personal. So there’s an incentive for those types of battles. Also note your dragon will only launch a magic attack if it’s within range. Stay keeps the dragon where it is. Come makes the dragon come close to you, and go is a complete wild card. It sends your dragon anywhere on the map. This can either work out in your favor or against, and it’s up to user discretion…

Whew… and that was just one party’s turn! Now you choose what the rest of your groups will do. All of your parties must end their turn before it switches to the enemy’s turn. Here we see Sendak just barely being able to attack the ice mages.

Salmando finds himself in a close quarters encounter, which shifts the scene to the classic side view as seen in many of Squaresoft’s previous RPGs. You can still perform magic attacks here of course, which is lovely for spraying damage to all enemies. Unfortunately, you cannot control the dragons. They move and attack randomly. The only command you’re in charge of is whether they will come, stay or go. I would have preferred being able to control them but being powerful beasts, I actually like their autonomy. Besides, it brings a certain wild card element to the battles which make it extra fun and sometimes slightly unpredictable. Thankfully, the dragons tend (emphasis on the word TEND) to make the right choice more times than not…

Nothing’s as satisfying as when the dragons attack exactly as you would have done, if you could control them. The best is when they launch a magic strike that hits multiple groups of enemies. Even better is when said strike takes out a group. You’ll get Flame Grass (a fire-based magic attack) whenever an enemy is killed with fire magic. You can use Flame Grass in battle or feed it to your dragons to increase their fire potency. But more on that later…

However, nothing’s more annoying than a magic strike that BARELY leaves them alive. If only that dragon’s Thunder Gale was a level 3 and not merely a level 2. Hmmm, what if I feed it some Thunder Grass…

Defeating an enemy group in this fashion grants you more money and items. Items can aid you in battle or be used as dragon food. It’s fun to experiment! Don’t just kill enemy groups from afar. You need money and items and beating them up close and personal gets you plenty of both. You’ll also level up a lot more!

Having exhausted all your parties’ turns, it’s now time for the enemy phase. I like how Squaresoft made sure we knew! Once you kill the boss of this chapter, bonus items and points are rewarded. And just in case you didn’t know that you won, Squaresoft spells it out for ya, literally.

HOW TO ~~TRAIN~~ FEED YOUR DRAGON

Following fights (and before), you have the option of feeding your dragons. I highly encourage that you do, and make sure you balance it out or else you’ll show favoritism and those neglected will lash out in various ways. Use items you’ve bought or gained during battle to feed your dragons. Some are obvious, like fire items increase a dragon’s fire magic. But some others aren’t so clear. Like what would happen if you feed your dragon a porno magazine? I’m not kidding. Find out for yourself…

IMPLORE TO EXPLORE

Explore your surroundings… you’ll never know what you might find. See, I wasn’t lying about that porno mag. It’s a real thing

CHOOSE YOUR OWN ADVENTURE

Remember those Choose Your Own Adventure books from the ’80s and ’90s? One of my favorite things about RPGs is the option to select your response to a character’s question. There’s plenty of that sort happening here. It doesn’t change the game but it’s still nice having choices. Some humor arises like when you select “It’s kind of awkward, so don’t…” but then Princess Yoyo responds, “But… oops! Too late…”

Princess Yoyo is quite the sentimental lass. After arriving at the Church of Memories, she tells you the legend of how when two people who love each other come here, they’ll be destined to be together forever. She’ll then ask you if you want to go in. You can answer by saying “Yeah, let’s try going in” or “No way!” If you pick the former, she’ll respond “Tee hee… I’m just kidding… it’s still too early for us… we should have brought Matelite too.” Princess Yoyo is a tease after all, I guess.

Princess Yoyo changes the beat and things get a little more serious. I love this scene. It felt like something pulled right out of a Hollywood film. It reminds me of some girls I’ve known… sometimes they want you to promise them in the moment even if it’s a lie… it’s moments like this that make you forget for a split second that you’re playing a video game. At least, it was for me here.

Switching back to some lighthearted tomfoolery on a dime, Bahamut Lagoon does a good job of balancing things with the right amount of humor at the right time.

CHAPTER 1: THE BEGINNING

Before each chapter fight begins, you can adjust a variety of options and also scout the competition. This includes enemy health and even how many squares they can move. Once you’re ready, I like to take the fight right to them!

Usually before you can even attack, your dragon will launch its own strike automatically. This is nice for softening them up. Then it’s your turn. A direct hit is always satisfying, a MISS is always demoralizing.

Keeping your parties fresh by healing them when appropriate is the key to success. As with any other RPG, it’s winning 101. The cool thing about Bahamut Lagoon is that your characters can also be healed just by standing on the right square (i.e. squares containing a building). However, keep in mind that the same applies to the enemy.

Dragons are honestly overpowered, making this game even easier than it already is. But damn if it isn’t still fun watching the destruction unfold!

Sometimes your dragon will be flanked in all directions. This has the potential to be disastrous. On the bright side, it also leaves the enemies extremely vulnerable when clustered as such. A magic blast can potentially strike all groups at once for optimal damage.

Depending on the character, some are better off using magic attacks due to their physical attacks being shit. But the mini devils are the most infuriating to me. Too many times their offense will fail and you literally get a Fail! caption. You can almost hear Squaresoft’s evil crackle as it happens. There’s a reason why I sub out the mini devils as soon as I can…

Lanzenritter (no relation to John), the boss of Chapter 1, is quick to abandon ship once you prove your superiority. Bahamut Lagoon has some gorgeous visuals as you can see here.

Emperor Sauzer has kidnapped the princess and taken her to the green continent of Campbell. Palpaleos can’t sleep and decides to “check up” on Princess Yoyo in the middle of the night. It isn’t long before Sauzer has the same restless affliction and finds that his general has beaten him to the punch. They watch Princess Yoyo in the darkness as they talk — not creepy at all — and later find themselves contemplating the legend of the Holy Dragons…

CHAPTER 2: LEGEND WE DREAMED OF…

Farnheit sets sail for Campbell… but first, some basic training and words of encouragement are in order.

Matelite, captain of the guards of Kahna, gives a pep talk the likes of which George Lucas would approve of. Matelite even states that they won’t be known as the Freedom Force but rather the Resistance. Hmmm, where have I heard that before?

CAMPBELL HERE WE COME!

LONG LIVE THE RESISTANCE!

Environmental hazards come into play. Using fire magic in such areas will cause a fire to break out, which will harm anyone caught in its path. Good stuff. There’s plenty more cool tricks to discover in the game’s 27 chapters, which I’ll let you discover on your own.

MISCELLANEOUS

Upgraded magic spells get bigger and crazier in classic RPG fashion.

Speaking of bigger and crazier, that’s what will happen to your dragons if you feed them accordingly. Don’t be shy to experiment — you never know which new forms you may unlock!

Speaking of the dragons, take good care of them. They can catch colds. Hell, they can even get married! Yeah… I’ll let you figure that one out on your own…

Beginning around Chapter 6 or so, a side quest option is available to select. From here you can pick either Granbelos Fortress or Easy Dungeon. It’s basically a place to level up your characters, earn more items and money. The background sadly stays the same for both side quests throughout the rest of the game. The only thing that changes are the enemies. A third bonus side quest, Hard Dungeon, opens up later on and is insanely difficult. Enter at your own risk!

Landscapes vary. Some are standard but a few get pretty creative and crazy. Take, for example, the cave where the walls are organic and will close and open on every turn. If caught while it’s closed, those party members will be rendered useless for the duration of that round. I do think there could have been a little bit more variety and imagination but what Squaresoft did give us is satisfactory.

Donfan is probably the one character I remember most when all was said and done, simply because he had the most outlandish lines and he was such a creepy pervert. His interactions with the female characters never failed to entertain. A perfect comic relief character. I don’t think I used him in battle once

Bahamut Lagoon translator “Dark Force” was not too pleased with Squaresoft…

And here I thought Donfan was the pervert of the group!

[Always knew Steve was a perv -Ed.]

From a certain perspective, sure it can be. In the game’s context, most definitely. You’ll just have to play it to fully understand…

After you beat Bahamut Lagoon, an “Ex-Play” option is made available at the title select screen. This allows you to play through the game again but with your current levels, items, weapons, spells and money. Basically you’re overpowered from the start and the amount of destruction you can unleash is quite satisfying!

WHAT THE CRITICS SAID

It’s a shame Bahamut Lagoon never received a proper North American release. But it’s understandable. Released in Japan on February 9, 1996, it would have been mid ’96 at least until a translated copy would have hit North American stores. The SNES was on life support by then and Square didn’t want to chance it with an unproven new IP. As such, Bahamut Lagoon faded into “obscurity.” Only the most diehard of RPG and SNES fans kept clamoring for it and keeping its memory alive. Then when our boys translated the game, it reached a whole new audience. Nowadays, it’s often held in high regards. Sure, there are some critics who claim the whole thing is far too easy (they’re not wrong) and that it’s not as great as they had hoped, but the majority seems to love it more than not.

CLOSING THOUGHTS

For years I had heard the hype surrounding Bahamut Lagoon. I’m glad I finally made time to play through it. Being a strategy RPG, it’s a little different from your typical SNES RPG which I found infinitely refreshing. Battles are long and I like how the game is broken up into 27 chapters. It’s almost like reading a great book. Playing one chapter at a time is enough to scratch your itch for the night. Rinse and repeat. Carefully positioning each group in your party while managing your individual and collective resources is satisfying even though the game is so easy that you could “brute force” your way through without much of an issue. Still, I like to be efficient and make sound tactical decisions wherever possible.

The addition of the dragons is a clever and intriguing gimmick. They’re a wild card, making each fight slightly unpredictable since control of them is rather limited. Feeding them is simple and handled well. It’s quick and easy, and doesn’t really detract from the game’s flow and pace. If anything, it’s a nice momentary break from the lengthy battles. The ability to alter your dragons depending on what you feed them helps with the game’s longevity, not to mention the nifty Ex-Play mode which is unlocked after you beat the 27th chapter. Graphically, the game looks gorgeous. Massive and detailed dragon designs that look like they were plucked straight out of a top selling manga, awesome spell attacks and amazing usage of parallax are just some of the key highlights. The music is classic Squaresoft — it’s epic and memorable! You can’t help but feel like there’s a spectacular struggle for power and world domination happening right in front of you thanks to the game’s stellar soundtrack.

If you consider yourself a fan of 16-bit RPGs and miss the golden age of role playing games but have yet to play Bahamut Lagoon, you should probably rectify that at your earliest convenience. It’s a grand adventure that’s just begging to be experienced at least once. It’s not Final Fantasy III or Chrono Trigger, but hey, what is? It’s brilliant in its own way and easily makes the cut as one of my top 10 favorite RPGs on the SNES. If you’ve ever wanted to summon a big ass dragon and have said beast blast a bunch of bastards to Kingdom Come, then Bahamut Lagoon is definitely right up your alley.

Graphics: 9
Sound: 9
Gameplay: 9
Longevity: 9

Overall: 9.0
Gold Award

"Ill be back!" No he wont... — *“I’ll be back…”* No, you won’t

Run Saber (SNES)

***Pub: Atlus | Dev: Horisoft | June 1993 | 8 MEGS***

One of my sore disappointments when it comes to the SNES is the fact that we never got a Strider game. Whether a port of the 1989 arcade classic or a kick ass sequel, it just wasn’t meant to be. I mean, how ridiculously sick would Super Strider have been? We’re talking BADASSERY on a grand scale! But thankfully, a little company by the name of Horisoft offered Super Nintendo owners a small consolation prize in the form of Run Saber. Although it’s no Strider, it’s definitely the closest thing to it on the SNES. And it sports a 2-player co-op mode. Not bad for a company that only has one title to its name!

Strider was such a cool game — *Strider* was such a cool game

Run Saber has a lot of similarities — *Run Saber* has a lot of similarities

MEET THE CREW

Nintendo Power was the best with their descriptions

Fun Useless Fact 1: I had a huge crush on a girl named Sheena back in the 8th grade.

Fun Useless Fact 2: I got her number one day and it took me an hour just to muster up the courage to call her. It was just like that one Wonder Years episode!

THE STORY GOES…

Futuristic Earth is not a pretty sight. The year is 2998 and Earth is hopelessly polluted.

Mankind’s last chance for a clean planet rests in the hands of ~~Captain Planet~~ Dr. Bruford. He has devised a plan to use radiation to trigger a change. Unfortunately, the experiment went horribly wrong and Dr. Bruford was mutated. Now he and his army of the unholy are looking to conquer Earth!

Fortunately, not all hope is lost. Enter the Run Sabers. Cybernetically advanced humans with the raw power to level cities, Allen and Sheena stand as Earth’s defenders and the last true bastion of hope.

STAGE ONE: TAJ BASE

Enhance your slash range by picking up the appropriate power-up. Allen’s slash looks just like Strider Hiryu’s… hmmm…

Scaling walls and causing tons of debris to fly everywhere is just another day at the office.

Another power-up allows you to perform a killer spinning attack. I love how you can cling to various scaffolds and lift yourself up.

Speaking of clinging, you’ll be doing lots of that!

Expansive and mysterious, eh? I wonder what will come out…

Excuse me for being slightly disappointed, I was just expecting something more than that. But what isn’t disappointing is Allen’s picture perfect jump kick.

Multiple tiers and platforms allow you to play a game of cat and mouse with this mini boss. Gotta love the explosions. Classic ’90s SNES stuff.

Peculiar enemies litter this once defunct command center that is now fully operational. It’s hard to miss but make sure you don’t rush to the exit — handy items could be lying nearby…

Horisoft had quite the sick imagination. Like something out of a nightmare, these weird and wicked female ghouls come bursting out of the wall with homing missiles ready to greet you.

Sliding to avoid the missiles by the hair of your chinny chin chin is way too cool. Speaking of cool, strike a pose whenever you beat a (mini) boss.

Interesting choice of colors here. Why do I suddenly feel like brushing my teeth? It’s moments like this that sometimes makes Run Saber feel rushed or incomplete.

Motion sickness be damned! This fighter jet takes you up, down and all around before revealing the evil that lurks within.

Enemies start popping up from the tail and mid-section of the jet. They’re easily subdued with a single slash.

Destroy the last one near the nose and enjoy the flying debris.

Hideous and tormented, this mechanical brain-like boss doesn’t put up much of a fight. In fact, most of the bosses in this game sadly don’t.

Brownie points though for the neat setting. Shades of Contra III.

Experience the gnarly power of MODE 7!

STAGE TWO: TONG CITY

Without a doubt the best looking stage in this game, Tong City is flat out gorgeous. But beware of the statues — some will spring to life and try to send you to the afterlife!

Reminiscent of Run Saber. I hope they don't come alive! — *Illusion of Gaia* had a similar scene, hmmm…

Fortunately, you can break incoming spears. Be careful not to get fried!

Sliding is mandatory here. Watch out for evil Mr. Clean.

Graphical glitches do crop up here and there, as seen above. The night life in Tong City is so beautiful that you can’t resist going back there.

Unfortunately for you, the locals aren’t so friendly. I love slashing the spear men in half. Shocking that Nintendo of America didn’t censor that.

Recurring mid-boss, that one. It’s ~~Proto Man~~ Kurtz, your cyborg predecessor. He retreats once defeated and it’s back to the teeming night life you go.

Strider flashbacks, anyone? That spinning ball of destruction never gets old.

Patience is key… as is holding on!

Another mini boss of sorts, this rock monster slightly resembles Godzilla. And in typical action movie style, our hero leaps out of harm’s way just in the nick of time. Actually, those explosions can’t hurt you but it’s a lot more fun pretending they can!

Atmospheric!

Coolest looking boss in the game is hands down the Wicked Witch. That’s Konami or Capcom level of creativity and intrigue!

Beware of the lasers that fire out of her fingertips. Unleash your ultimate special attack to put the bitch down!

STAGE THREE: JOD VALLEY

Things start off fast with a mini boss fight in the form of a vicious giant hawk. From the night time city to the open wilderness you go! Swing from the vines like Tarzan. Chest beating optional.

Elongated beasts will try to ambush you from the walls. And is it just me or does that enemy walking around there look like a cheesy bad kaiju suit from the ’60s?

Claustrophobics need not apply! That armored beast is yet another, you guessed it, mini boss fight.

Winged demons swoop in looking for a meal. Get past them and face Skeltor the Dragon. Skeltor once roamed the surface of the Earth eons ago but has been extinct for ages. That was until a parasite brought the fossilized fire-breather back to life! Life, uh, finds a way, does it not, Dr. Ian Malcolm?

STAGE FOUR: GRAY FAC

Entering an ancient mining facility, you’ll have to carefully navigate your way around a pair of swinging spiky balls. Sliding works well even if sometimes you cut it close!

Clinging on to dear life, Allen works his way through and does the spin cycle to take out a creepy looking mercenary.

Obliterate more mutant freaks on your way to another mini boss fight. This time it comes in the form of a giant flying knight. Watch out for his massive sword and projectiles.

Gargantuan spiky wheels plummet from the heavens right before your battle with Kurtz once more.

Sothern Jambalaya (such a weird name) has been overtaken by a mutant parasite and is now a raging machine of death! Your first task is to move to the right while avoiding the blue electric blasts the mechanical creature emits. Once you reach the vertical shaft, jump up and grab onto the beams while hacking away.

Slowly but surely you’ll strip it piece by piece until it crashes back down a twisted heap of scrap and metal.

STAGE FIVE: BRUFORD

There’s definitely a Contra vibe to this last level. Slice open the dim-witted mutant zombies but beware of the dangerous glop that flies out as a result. Luckily, you can strike those down with a well placed slash.

Visually, this last level was a bit of a letdown. It feels a bit rushed as the background just isn’t very interesting or creative. But there certainly is no shortage of minor bosses to battle.

Navigate your way through the hellhole and grab any helpful items you can.

Foreshadowing is always nice. But first, you must fight Kurtz for the final time.

Lovecraftian in nature, this mini boss screams H.R. Giger from Alien fame.

Getting frisky there, are we? Slide to the other side to avoid getting violated (unless of course you like that sort of thing). The final boss reminds me of a mix between the Robo-Corpse from Contra III and Freddy Krueger on steroids.

Without a doubt the hardest boss in the game, you’ll need all your special attacks you can muster!

Pollution ceases and Earth recovers. The Run Sabers have not only saved the day but the planet as well. The ending shot is a peaceful and promising sunset of a better tomorrow soon to come.

GIRL POWER

Sheena plays very similarly to Allen with the only minor difference in terms of gameplay being that Sheena’s attack covers a little more ground vertically while Allen’s is more horizontal. Her slash reminds me a lot of Guile’s Flash Kick.

CENSORSHIP STRIKES

Hardcore Gaming 101 cites that the original plan was for the second boss to be a reclining giant woman. Nintendo of America didn’t like the idea of kids beating up on a woman so the switch was made to instead use a zombie witch. In a rare instance of censorship working out, I actually prefer the change. The zombie witch not only looks better but it definitely comes across as more menacing and memorable.

DÉJÀ VU COVER ART

Reminds me of something... — Reminds me of something…

The art for Run Saber, with the artist’s name sketched in a corner, has an oddly familiar feel to it. Is it just me or does it remind anyone else of the Goosebumps books?

Definitely not the same artist but the signatures are reminiscent of each other along with the “93” number next to both artists’ names, indicating the year the art was drawn. Just me? Alright, moving on then…

WHAT THE CRITICS SAID

Run Saber was fairly well received by the critics. Although GameFan never reviewed it, they spoke of it very favorably in the preview. EGM was going through a funky experimental stage with its review system when Run Saber came out. Rather than the traditional four reviewers, for a couple months they had some reviews featuring just one score, tucked away on the side of the page. EGM gave Run Saber a rating of 8. Super Play, however, was less impressed. Essentially calling it a homeless man’s Strider, Super Play rated it 59%.

I'm glad EGM didn't keep this scoring system for long — I’m glad EGM didn’t keep this scoring system for long

Too harsh once again, Super Play. Too harsh... — Too harsh once again, Super Play. Too harsh…

Oh yeah? Take THAT, Super Play — Oh yeah? Take ***THAT***, Super Play

Run Saber is often held in solid regards within SNES circles. Most acknowledge it as a fun 2-player game and it frequently receives praise by appearing on many SNES 2-player recommendation lists that various retro gamers have constructed over the years. Similar to the previously reviewed Goof Troop, there are only five short stages but what fun you’ll have with a friend in tow.

CLOSING THOUGHTS

I’m still kind of sad we never got a proper Strider game on the SNES back in the day. But I’m certainly grateful for Run Saber. While it may be a far cry from the glory that is Strider, Run Saber is very competent and enjoyable in its own right. It’s also the closest thing to Strider on the SNES as one can get, and that 2-player option helps it tons, too. It’s pretty bare bones though — what you see is what you get. Visually, the game is a mixed bag. There are parts, namely Tong City, that look absolutely stunning but then there are way too many stretches that come across as rather drab and uninspired.

The music isn’t anything to write home about and the floaty jumps can sometimes annoy. The control hovers around fine, although it’s not super crisp. For example, climbing and clinging are great in theory but in the chaos it’s easy to get nicked when doing so by the horde of mutant freaks. On the bright side, Run Saber is never too hard where this hampers the game beyond a reasonable point. In fact, Run Saber is far too easy for its own good. And with only five short levels to its name, it won’t last you terribly long to blow through the whole thing in less than 40 minutes or so.

But bottom line, it’s just a fun game. Run Saber is a short but sweet ride while it lasts. Maybe it didn’t quite live up to its full potential and maybe its development was slightly rushed, but the fact that it still turned out to be pretty good says a lot. It’s just plain fun to slice spear throwing samurais in half and dismantle mechanical monstrosities limb by limb. There’s something very satisfying about that. I also dig its distinctively dystopian post-apocalyptic setting. From the moment you first land on Taj Base you can just sense that something is terribly not right. And that you are the cure summoned to right all these sordid wrongs. Malpractice and mutants run rampant, and it’s your mission to terminate all the viruses and parasites that have ravaged Mother Earth. A solid and steady side scrolling slash ‘em up, Run Saber is one of the better 2-player action games on the SNES in spite of its various shortcomings. Because at the end of the day, fun always wins out and this game is definitely a good time.

Graphics: 7
Sound: 7
Gameplay: 7.5
Longevity: 6.5

Overall: 7.5
Bronze Award

... or is it? No, it is :P — Ah, nothing like the promise of a better tomorrow…