April | 2018 | RVGFanatic

Marvel Super Heroes: War of the Gems (SNES)

Pub & Dev: Capcom | October 1996 | 24 MEGS — ***Pub & Dev: Capcom | November 1996 | 16 MEGS***

Avengers: Infinity War opened this past weekend (April 27, 2018) and grossed a whopping 640.9 million over its first weekend. Infinity War now holds claim to the biggest opening weekend in cinematic history, toppling The Fate of the Furious’ 541.9 million opening weekend by nearly 100 million. It also scored the biggest opening weekend in North America with 258.2 million, beating out the 248 million grossed by Star Wars: The Force Awakens. It’s crazy to think it was 10 years ago that the Marvel cinematic universe began with the epochal Iron Man (May 2, 2008). 10 years later, MCU kills it yet again with Avengers: Infinity War. Some people are sick of Marvel movies but as long as they’re this good, keep ‘em coming I say! The latest film centers around Thanos’ quest to acquire the six Infinity Gems. What a perfect time, then, to review Marvel Super Heroes: War of the Gems. Capcom’s second to last North American SNES release (Street Fighter Alpha 2 being their last), Marvel Super Heroes: War of the Gems is a curious and worthy follow-up to X-Men: Mutant Apocalypse.

MY FIRST EXPOSURE TO MARVEL

A staple of many childhoods back in 1991

If you were a child of the early ’90s, chances were you somehow got mixed up in the superhero subculture. It was simply a sign of the times. From trading cards to cartoons to toys to video games, superheroes and super villains dominated the scene. My brother, our friends and I used to hang out at this card shop, Triple Play. It was right next to the local library and a mom and pop rental shop. What a great time to be a kid! We spent much of our childhood down at the card shop buying the latest in the Marvel ’91 series and trading them. When we weren’t busy trading or buying Marvel ’91, we played the Street Fighter II arcade cab right in the store. It was a splendid time to be growing up in suburban America.

Who could ever forget the bar stats on the back?

My favorite thing about the Marvel ’91 cards? Hands down the enticing stats on the back of the cards. This is where my obsession with numbers and ratings probably first developed, and a large reason (EGM is another factor) as to why I personally like to rate video games. To me numbers have always been a fun snapshot at things. I remember Fin Fang Foom’s stats were off the charts. He had something nuts like three 7’s.

X MARKS THE SPOT, FINALLY

Back in the ’90s, superhero games were hit or miss. They were more of a miss on home consoles. It wasn’t until X-Men: Mutant Apocalypse that I felt things were starting to head in the right direction. I remember there was quite a bit of hype behind it. Seeing it grace the cover of the biggest EGM issue of all time definitely got our hopes up. Maybe we’ll finally get the X-Men game we always wanted…

Wolverine with a Dragon Punch? Take my money!

And although it has its shortcomings, X-Men: Mutant Apocalypse was a solid action game that was pretty fun to play. It wasn’t quite the epic superhero game we were all hoping for, but it was an admirable effort.

~~ROUND TWO~~ FINAL ROUND, FIGHT!

Exactly two years later, EGM issue #89 arrived in my mailbox. This was a bittersweet issue for me. It highlighted 16-Bit’s “last hurrah” so to speak.

I can’t tell you how many times I read that article. Flashback to December of 1996. Although my brother and I still had our SNES, we were almost exclusively playing our PlayStation and N64. However, I never forgot all the great memories my dear old friend, the SNES, gave me over the years. So EGM’s article hit way too close to home. 1996 was indeed going to be 16-Bit’s last gasp and last “big” Christmas season.

I loved the whole presentation of it. The yellow background, the nice big title dramatically declaring 16-BIT’S LAST STAND… but the best part was the last batch of 16-bit titles EGM featured. In particular, one title really stood out and caught my eye…

My eyes popped when I saw Marvel Super Heroes: War of the Gems. It looked absolutely badass. The fact that Capcom was behind it was all I needed to know!

Gotta love those classic captions from the '90s — Gotta love those classic EGM captions from the ’90s

It looked so damn good — Not your crappy SNES *Captain America and the Avengers*!

Never ever EVER mention that abomination again

SNES port, not so much... — SNES port, not so much…

Yet despite all my interest and curiosity, I actually never got to play this game back in the ’90s. High school soon came calling in the late ’90s and I sort of fell out of gaming for a while there. Fast forward to January 2006, I experienced one crazy SNES comeback for the ages. It was a chance at gaming redemption. Marvel Super Heroes: War of the Gems was high on my list of SNES games I always wanted to play but never did.

I bought a mint copy at a local flea market on Saturday, February 25, 2006. I’ll never forget firing up War of the Gems later that same night. It was like finally meeting up with that ship that sailed by so many moons ago…

I chose the Incredible Hulk first and had one hell of a Saturday night smashing bad guys left and right. It’s not the greatest game but I thoroughly enjoyed it nonetheless.

THE STORY GOES…

Whoever collects all six Infinity Gems will become omnipotent and virtually unstoppable. Adam Warlock has enlisted the services of the Marvel Super Heroes to bring them back home safely.

Falling from the heavens above, the six Infinity Gems have been scattered throughout the world. Procuring them before they fall into the wrong hands is of the utmost importance. You’ll traverse many different places, from the Amazon River in South America to the frozen tundra in Alaska to the Boston Aquarium.

Capcom’s intros from that era always stood out, and this is yet another solid example. The world’s mightiest superheroes have assembled on your SNES — it’s time to wreck some shit up!

Wolverine gets intense like only he can. I’m hyped!

HOLDING OUT FOR A HERO

Standing 6’2″ and weighing 220 pounds, Captain America is the symbol of patriotism personified. Balanced in speed and power, Cap attacks with his trusty shield and charging shoulder tackles.

Standing 6’1″ and weighing 225 pounds, Iron Man is a bit on the slow side due to the nature of his suit (which puts him at 6’6″ and 425 pounds). However, he compensates for his lack of speed with the power and flight game. Able to double jump and briefly fly, Iron Man is the most versatile superhero in the game.

Standing 5’10” and weighing 167 pounds, Spider-Man is the fastest of the lot. But he’s also the weakest. Use his web slinging prowess to take out the trash. He can also cling to walls and climb to new areas that some of the others are unable to reach.

Standing 5’3″ and weighing 195 pounds (300 with Adamantium skeleton), Wolverine is a vicious and balanced fighter. He’s not as fast as Spider-Man or as strong as Captain America, but he’s stronger than Spider-Man and faster than Captain America. He plays exactly like how he did in X-Men: Mutant Apocalypse, and that’s fine by me!

Standing 7’6″ and weighing over half a ton, the Incredible Hulk is the bruiser of the group. He’s also the slowest. But when you just want to smash the crap out of everything, it’s hard to go wrong with Hulk.

Select your superhero and pick any of the four initial stages. Unlike X-Men: Mutant Apocalypse, any hero can be used on any level. It gives the game a little more replay value when the levels don’t force you to use a certain character. But some characters are more suited to certain levels than others. For example, Iron Man does really well at the Boston Aquarium. Sorry Cap — take a backseat!

Best sit this one out. Lemme show ya how it's done — Best sit this one out. Lemme show ya how it’s done

Always one to make, pardon the pun, a splashy entrance, Iron Man flies in on his jet boosters. It isn’t long before the glass shatters and the whole place becomes Waterworld.

Repulsor Beam does well to break down barriers. Even better, use his flying headbutt attack for multiple hits.

Deliver a sweet three hit combo in mid-air. Then battle the evil version of Vision.

Remember to keep an eye on your air gauge. Turn Tony Stark into Ryu with a nice Rising Uppercut.

Hawkeye you traitor you! Not really, that’s just his evil clone.

GODDAMN that was close…

Question: what’s worse than fighting one evil version of Iron Man? Fighting two of course. Scale the platforms for some fun cat and mouse play. Iron Man’s double jump works really well here.

Infinity Gem #1 secured! It’s on to the next…

Damn right, Collector (hello Benicio Del Toro)

Spider-Man swings into the Amazon like only he can.

Spider-Man’s ability to cling to walls and scale them makes him quite versatile. The boss of this stage is an evil version of Wolverine.

Beware the spikes. Landing on them will cause extra damage. Sadly, falling into the spikes doesn’t hurt the boss. Use Spidey’s swinging attacks to keep Wolvie on his toes.

Cap finds his shield buried in the ice... — Cap finds his shield buried in the ice…

Captain America slings his shield to perfection. Shoulder tackle Hawkeye before he even gets off a shot.

Versatile is Cap’s shield. Send it downward or upward to knock off unsuspecting fools. Some of the levels have barriers as seen here. Wolverine and Spider-Man are too weak to break them so they must scale up. Captain America and Hulk can’t jump high enough to access the upper area so they must smash through. Iron Man has the strength to bust through or double jump up. No wonder I like Iron Man the best.

Halfway through this stage, a group of evil Pucks serve as sort of a mid-boss. They can be very tough as they flank you like ants on sugar.

Where’s the Incredible Hulk when you need him?! Evil Sasquatch comes bursting out of the frozen wall like he was shot out of a cannon. Don’t get too close unless you like being dinner.

Nobody slashes up the competition quite like ol’ Wolvie. Unfortunately, he’s too weak (what?!) to bust through that thick wall there, or scale your way up.

Reminiscent, much? All his greatest hits from X-Men: Mutant Apocalypse is back.

Scaling Dr. Doom’s castle can be hazardous to your health. Speaking of the good doctor, watch out for his deadly energy beams. Thankfully, Wolverine is so short that they fly right over his head!

Unsurprisingly, Dr. Doom declares this isn’t the last you will see of him (and he’s right). After beating the first four stages, we learn Magus is holding one of the Infinity Gems on a giant orbiting battleship. Time to send the Hulk!

Shanghaied in Space?! “HULK SMASH!!!”

Godzilla vs. MechaGodzilla? Forget that, it’s Hulk vs. Evil Hulk! Hulk smashes walls like no one else.

"HULK NO HOLD! HULK SMASH!" — ***“HULK NO WANT HOLD! HULK WANT SMASH!!”***

Another mid-boss battle ensues. Hulk doing what he does best!

Position yourself on the edge so that the lasers just barely miss hitting you. Bash and repeat. Your reward is a classic SNES style explosion.

Nothing’s better than grabbing a goon and chucking him across the screen, taking out the entire crowd. As strong as Hulk is though, he’s not invincible. Don’t just stand there taking energy beams… even if it looks super cool.

Standing between you and the next Infinity Gem is the double tough Magus. He moves so fast (guess which Gem he has) that you can actually see his shadow trail. What a lovely visual touch!

Scoundrel! That Magus is a sneaky little bitch. Hulk be like “DAFUQ.”

Uppercut him into the air and follow up with a pulverizing double axe handle. So damn satisfying.

Defeating Magus opens up the next set of stages to conquer. You’ll face off with the likes of Black Heart and even the evil version of Thing.

Special cameos abound, as seen here with Doctor Strange. And as he promised earlier, Dr. Doom returns for a final battle.

Nebula! Nice to see her in the game, especially considering how popular she has become since Guardians of the Galaxy. Thanos is the final big bad.

Thanos vs. Hulk is a WrestleMania worthy main event. But the Hulk is the better ~~man~~ mutant on this night, and the Infinity Gems are now in safe hands.

Congratulations to our mighty superheroes! Nice shot there of the crew.

Somebody say WORLD HEROES?!

EXTRA ITEMS

Helpful items can be acquired during your quest. For example, if you die on a stage then that character you were using is no longer available. However, you’re able to revive him and regain his services with the usage of the revival power-up.

EXTRA POWER

In addition, you can incorporate the various Infinity Gems to increase your powers. The Time Gem doubles your speed (give it to Hulk). The Power Gem increases your power (Spider-Man, who can strike up to six times, becomes quite the wrecking ball with it equipped). It’s fun to mix and match as you see fit. This versatility adds to the gameplay and gives it a leg up on X-Men: Mutant Apocalypse.

TRAINING DAY

There’s also a Training Room where you can fight random enemies 1 on 1. It’s too bad there wasn’t a 2 player option here. Granted, the moves are fairly limited being a beat ‘em up platformer, but this would have made for a nice bonus mode.

Remember fantasizing as a kid about what would happen if the Hulk and Thing ever came to blows? Sure, you could read the various comic books in which they clashed, but there’s something cool about deciding the outcome yourself in video game form.

Capcom should have spent a little more time on this. With a proper 2 player mode, War of the Gems would truly be a gem.

THE ARCADE GAME

Capcom released Marvel Super Heroes in arcades back in October of 1995. Such a port to the SNES would have been impossible, combined with the fact that by 1996 the SNES was no longer a viable machine.

Marvel Super Heroes was loud, brash and in your face. Along with X-Men: Children of the Atom, these two games were the prototype for what would later become Capcom’s notoriously over the top VS. series.

A Super Nintendo port of this game in 1996 would have been doomed to fail, both due to the late release in the system’s lifespan and how butchered and watered down it would have been.

Instead Capcom gave the remaining loyal SNES fans Marvel Super Heroes: War of the Gems. Instead of being a 1-on-1 fighting game, it was a single plane beat ‘em up with some platforming elements integrated. As such, it worked fine for what it is. Capcom threw us a bone, and if nothing else, it’s a curious entry in Capcom’s longstanding SNES catalog.

In an alternate reality, it would have been interesting to see what this game would play like had Capcom gone the traditional Street Fighter II route instead. You already have Captain America, Spider-Man, Wolverine, Iron Man and Hulk. Magus, Blackheart, Nebula, Dr. Doom and Thanos makes the roster a nice round number of 10. Give each of them a handful of special moves and it could have been a solid fighting game exclusive to the SNES. There’s a part of me that wishes Capcom had done that. But I’m also fine with what we got because what we got is a solid game in its own right.

WHAT THE CRITICS SAID

Because it came out so late in the SNES’ lifespan, War of the Gems came and went with very little fanfare. It was not reviewed by either EGM or GameFan, and Super Play closed its doors a few months before the game could even come out. From my online travels around various gaming boards for the past 15+ years, more people seem to like it than not. Some prefer Mutant Apocalypse. Some prefer War of the Gems. Both games are worth playing (and owning). But for the record, I like War of the Gems better.

CLOSING THOUGHTS

It’s always nice to at long last knock a childhood curiosity off your to-play list. I liked War of the Gems a lot when I first played it over 12 years ago, and I still like it now. From its curiously late release to its amazing sprite work, there’s just something about this game that I really dig. Not to mention the five superheroes that made the cut (Captain America, Spider-Man, Iron Man, Wolverine and Hulk) are my top five superheroes of all time. They all look great (though poor Cap looks a bit funky) and their special powers puts you right in their shoes. I like that you can select the order of stages to tackle as well as the ability to pick any hero for any level. It was an improvement from Mutant Apocalypse which had predetermined stages for its roster. Also, the addition of the Infinity Gems is a game changer. Hulk too slow for your liking? Equip his big ass with the Time Gem and speed is no longer an issue. Spider-Man too weak? Give him the Power Gem and watch Hulk grow green (er… greener) with envy. It’s fun to experiment and definitely increases the game’s longevity.

The visuals are top-notch. They’re big, beefy and intricately detailed. Coming out so late, you would expect nothing less from Capcom, and they sure didn’t disappoint. It gets you in the proper ass-kicking mood. Unfortunately, the sound is nowhere as high in quality. Landing blows doesn’t sound as impactful as I would have liked, and the music isn’t anything to write home about. Another blemish is that the game plays a bit slowly due to the massive sprites, which may turn off some hardcore action aficionados but I personally did not mind. Also, the levels are short and the enemies can feel rather sparse. It’s definitely not an A+ effort by Capcom, but I never got the feeling that it was just a cheap attempt at a cash grab. The game is also on the short and easy side, but that may be viewed more as a positive than a negative depending on one’s perspective.

But one thing’s for sure, at least from where I sit, and that’s this: I had an absolute blast playing through War of the Gems. And I find myself revisiting it randomly throughout the years. For me it never gets old slicing up bad guys with Wolverine’s claws, or blasting bastards to Kingdom Come with Iron Man’s proton beams. Could Capcom have done more? Sure. But War of the Gems, while it may fall short of being a true gem, is still one hell of a swashbuckling time. It definitely left me wanting more, and is worthy of a spot in your Super Nintendo collection. Besides, let’s face it, at the end of a long hard day at work, sometimes you just wanna be the Hulk and smash shit up.

Graphics: 8.5
Sound: 7
Gameplay: 8
Longevity: 7

Overall: 8.0
Silver Award

Aw, thanks Tony! [Damnit Stark, don't encourage him -Ed.] — Aw, thanks Tony! *[Damnit Stark, don’t encourage him -Ed.]*

Ultraman (SNES)

***Pub: Bandai | Dev: Nova | October 1991 | 4 MEGS***

One of the earliest SNES games released in North America, Ultraman owns the distinction of being the first 1-on-1 fighting game on the Super Nintendo. If you were around any game rental store back in late 1991, chances are you too came across a boxed copy of Ultraman: Towards The Future. To its credit, the box art is pretty snazzy, blasting your senses with its frenetic energy and seemingly hi-octane larger than life action. Back in those days, the box art was often your first impression of a game, and Ultraman certainly made a nice splash in that regard. Flipping to the back of the box revealed promising screenshots of a fighting game with monsters. What could go wrong, right? Sadly, as it turns out, much.

If you were a monster and video game lover like me in those days, then the box art of Ultraman and the description on the back undoubtedly had you sold. Taking the box to the counter, you handed it over to the clerk as you watched your old man plunk down the dollar ninety nine. You felt like the luckiest kid in the universe — Street Fighter II with monsters!? Is this real life? I would soon come to find out that mentioning Ultraman and Street Fighter II in the same breath was the gravest of sins…

MONSTER LOVER

Some kids grew up with greats such as Cal Ripken Jr., John Elway or Michael Jordan as their idol. I, on the other hand, grew up on the 24-inch pythons of the immortal Hulk Hogan and the fire spewing, train chomping big guy himself, Godzilla. Thanks to my dad, Uncle Jimmy, some local mom and pop rental shops and the infamous Godzilla POWER HOUR, I rarely missed any of the big guy’s adventures. If someone was decked out in a rubber suit stomping around miniature cities, chances were I was probably there with a grin plastered across my kisser as cheesy as the monster movies of my youth itself.

While I loved all monsters small and big, my absolute favorite was without a doubt GODZILLA. Remember all those old box covers for the Godzilla movies? Most of them are seared into my retina, with Godzilla 1985 in particular sticking out. Who could ever forget that classic yellow golden border or the menacing up close money shot of Godzilla (complete with fangs and all) leering over Tokyo. A blurb by Joel Siegel “THE BEST GODZILLA IN 30 YEARS… HYSTERICAL FUN.” Good times.

I must have read the back of this box 50 times! ove that iconic shot of Godzilla looming over Tokyo — I must have read the back of this box 50 times!
Love that iconic shot of Godzilla looming over Tokyo

One Saturday night in 1989, my parents took me to this fancy mall. Being 20 minutes away from home and a little farther out than our neighborhood mall, this mall was less frequented and thus carried with it an extra air of mystique. It was like that exotic mall that truly had all the good shit. I can recall the excitement welling up in the pit of my stomach as my dad wrestled to find a parking spot on that hectic Saturday night. I still remember bypassing the escalator and running up the stairs to make my way to the inviting neon purple glow of the classic SAM GOODY logo. The sign seemed so huge as a kid — it looked like it stretched on for miles and miles.

Ah, the nostalgia... — Ah, the nostalgia…

It’s funny how as kids the simplest pleasures brought us such great satisfaction. For me, going to Sam Goody back in the late ’80s was one of those simple joys, especially at this particular mall that felt larger than life. I wasted no time making a beeline toward the SCI-FI section. I scoured over the Godzilla movies to see if there were any I had missed. Due to this mall having a certain mystique, in my head as a kid I rationalized that maybe it might carry exclusive Godzilla movies. Ahh, the innocence of being six or so!

After my disappointment of not seeing any new Godzilla films, I was ready to leave when I saw it… GAMERA VS. GAOS. My heart skipped a beat when I saw the distinctive VS. on the side of the box. I knew those two magical letters could only mean one thing: MONSTER MOVIE MADNESS!

I could hardly contain my excitement as I plucked out the VHS box to examine its glorious front and back cover. It was my first exposure to Gamera. Even at my young age I could tell Gamera was clearly a Godzilla ripoff, but it was the thrill of discovering something brand new in a genre you hold near and dear to your heart. I shoved the tape in my dad’s face. My old man whipped out the ol’ credit card and like so many times before, he made the magic happen. The rest of the evening I walked around the mall with my mom, dad and brother happily clutching the SAM GOODY bag, occasionally glancing inside to admire that cheesy yet glorious Gamera vs. Gaos box art.

I remember gawking at this as we went through the mall — I recall gawking at this as we went through the mall

What can I say? I loved giant monster movies. Fast forward to 1992 where I would meet my latest daikaiju addiction…

ULTRAMAN: TOWARDS THE USA

January 1992. I was 8 years old and woke up every Saturday morning around 7 to catch all the latest cartoons. One Saturday I caught the first episode of Ultraman: Towards The Future. I didn’t know who Ultraman was at the time. But I knew the show featured giant monsters and that was good enough for me. I remember watching Ultraman fighting a nasty alien creature (Gudis) with limbs that would make Dhalsim green with envy. Best of all, his brain was on top of his head!

Gudis came back later in the series revamped as Gudis II — Gudis came back later revamped as Super Gudis

Ultraman, like Gamera, was no Godzilla but I cheered on Ultraman nonetheless. There were 13 episodes in all — the last one airing more than 25 years ago on March 28, 1992. I never missed an episode and loved the camp value.

Ah… the memories (of what wasn’t). Dreamworks Toys released an Ultraman lineup in the spring of ’92 to go along with the US TV series. The figures were around 10 inches tall. Kerwin, my brother’s best friend at the time, asked me what I wanted for my 9th birthday. I told him I wanted Majaba. Kerwin assuredly told me, “You got it, Steve-O.”

Wait a second... Majaba that ain't — Wait a second… Majaba that ain’t

Fast forward to the summer of 1992. Right off the bat I knew something was off when the wrapped present with Kerwin’s name on the tag was about 5 inches tall. I opened his gift and out came Launchpad McQuack. Now don’t get me wrong, I love me some Darkwing Duck and Launchpad’s a cool cat but he ain’t Majaba! Way to get a guy’s hopes up, eh? Nonetheless, in the end I was grateful for his generosity. After all, he was my brother’s friend. He wasn’t obligated to get me jack. Speaking of Kerwin, after my family moved in 1996 my brother lost touch with him. He managed to track him down around 2003 where we found out that Kerwin was in Las Vegas trying to earn his DJ stripes. Big guy, wherever you are out there, I hope you are in good health and peace of mind. Even if you got me Launchpad McQuack instead of Majaba as you promised me, you big fat bastard

EVERGREEN VIDEO

In the late ’80s and early ’90s my brother Kevin and I frequented a little mom and pop shop named Evergreen Video. Oh how I loved that place. I can still hear the little chime that rung each time you entered the hallowed halls of Evergreen Video. The smell of the oakwood shelves permeates to this day. As documented in Memories of Renting, Tom was the source that corrupted us. One day in early 1992 my dad and I made our traditional Saturday afternoon trek to rent the latest video game. Tom recently bought some SNES games to keep up with the changing of the guard. At that time we didn’t have the internet and I had yet to follow gaming magazines religiously. So imagine my shock and excitement when I saw Ultraman! I’ll never forget how it came with a HUGE blown up 8×11 black and white photocopied manual as opposed to the original booklet. I guess Tom was protective of his instruction manuals!

FRIDAY, MAY 16, 2008

Peering in the defunct remains of Evergreen Video

On this night (now nearly 10 years ago, damn) my cousin Vivian threw me a graduation dinner with the family. We ate at this Chinese restaurant that coincidentally just happened to be a couple stores down from where Evergreen Video once stood proudly. I hadn’t been to that area in eons. On my drive to the restaurant, I couldn’t help but reminisce about all the fond memories of my dad taking me there every Saturday to rent the latest NES game. The wave of memories came flooding back as I pulled into that parking lot. It was my first time being back in that plaza in a good decade or so. I decided to pay a quick visit to the defunct remains of Evergreen Video before heading inside the restaurant. It was sad standing there and seeing the place devoid of any sort of life. Tom’s friendly smile behind the register counter was long gone. As I stared through the glass door like a frozen statue, I couldn’t help but wonder where was Tom and his family — were they OK? Were they continuing to live the American Dream? My conscious stream of thought was shattered when my phone rang.

“Steve! Where are you? Only you would be late to your own party!” Vivian joked.

“I’m right outside. Be there in half a minute…”

After a scrumptious dinner celebrating my graduation from grad school, we found ourselves hanging out in the parking lot. It was good to see all of them again. Billy, Vivian’s crazy husband, enthusiastically shared his latest cash cow scheme with my brother and me as we made our way to our cars. Never change, Billy. My cousins invited me to movie night but I told them I’ll catch them in a few. First, I had some unfinished business to take care of: I wanted one final glimpse at my dear old friend. There was now only a glimmer of sunlight striking the top of all the stores’ windows in this plaza. It was surreal and felt like a scene right out of a Hollywood movie. I stole one last peek in the empty store where Evergreen Video once stood. Turning my back to the store, I stood there for a minute to take in the cool night air, reflecting and also thinking about the future.

Always sad to see one of your favorites go bye bye — Always sad to see your favorite stores go defunct

It was a very raw and exciting time in my life. I was 24 years old, I just earned my teaching credential and I was this close to realizing my dream of having my very own classroom of students to teach and positively impact. As the final shards of sunlight pierced the storefront, I decided that was enough pontification for one night. I placed my childhood memories back in the box, texted my cousins that I was on my way and fired up my old 1992 Honda Accord.

THE NIGHT WAS STILL YOUNG... AND SO WAS I — The night was still young… ***AND SO WAS I***

BLOODY GOOD TIMES… LITERALLY

Originally written June 2008. Revived April 2018!

THE STORY GOES…

Not bad... pretty close! — Not bad… pretty close!

Ultraman is fairly accurate to its source material. That’s good. Unfortunately, the gameplay is very stiff and limited. But hey, minor kudos for replicating the look, eh?

FINISH HIM!

Beating a monster for good is somewhat cumbersome. To do so, their energy bar must signal “finish” AND you must blast them with a Level 4 power shot. And because they can recover health, make sure they’re really “finished” before firing your L4 shot. Nothing’s worse than seeing them recuperate a smidgen of their health right as you fire your L4 beam — d’oh!

FANTASTIC FOUR

L1 sends forth the basic KNUCKLE SHOOTER. You also have the option of firing off four consecutive L1 shots if you’re at level L4.

L2 fires the moderately improved ARROW BEAM. You can emit two of these beams at L4 if you wish or one at L3 and then one L1. At least you get choices, right?

L3’s MAGNUM SHOOTER does quite a number but you’re so close to L4… why waste it in one single shot? I tend to use L3 the least.

L4’s BURNING PLASMA is Ultraman’s ticket home. “HADOKEN!”

MEET THE MONSTERS

Crappy game but I do love the art style! — And you thought Uncle Fred at Thanksgiving was bad

Gudis is an evil space virus determined to destroy and consume every life form in the universe. Once infected with the Gudis virus, the victim is unable to control itself and becomes part of Gudis’ plan. The power of Gudis continues to grow and multiply as it assimilates other creatures into itself. Stop the vile monster before it reaches the city!

PROTIP: Avoid — **ProTip:** Avoid enemy projectiles

Bogun is a gruesome genetic mutation. With a horrific head at each end of its sluglike body, Bogun defends itself and attacks you using its strong antenna. Unfortunately, Bogun has already infiltrated the city. Hurry up and exercise damage control!

THABTO. Shout out to Ghost Wrtier ;) — **THABTO**. Shout out to *Ghost Writer*

Degola is originally a God of the Australian Aborigines. In full force, Degola appears as a whirlwind, destroying everything in its path. This whirlwind, however, is merely to disguise the Gudis infected creature within. Whatever it is, one thing’s for sure: it’s a force to be reckon with that must be terminated pronto.

I always found Degola to be a bit intimidating as a kid — I always found Degola to be *creepy disturbing* as a kid

Whos finishing whom first? The drama... — Who’s finishing whom first? The drama…

The way monsters died in this game was pretty glorious

Barrangas, emphasis on the last three letters, can emit a toxic gas from its hideous body. I dig the quiet peaceful looking city backdrop. What a shame it’s actually anything but peaceful!

Just like me again... — Just like me again…

Aw damn, that ain't cool — Aw damn, that ain’t cool

"Quick, Ive got less than two minutes!" — *“Quick — I’ve got less than two minutes!”*

Look who’s back and uglier, stronger and deadlier than before! Super Gudis is a wormlike creature that slithers alarmingly quick. Make sure you leave his bloody carcass scattered in pieces across this miserable war torn land!

Didnt I just say that? — Didn’t I just say that?

Damn straight! Another nail-biting finale

Zebokon is usually a lethargic lumbering monster who lives in the depths of the forest. But after being infected with the Gudis virus, Zebokon has gone mad and is now attacking anything that moves. He has one hell of a battering ram to boot. Dark and ominous thunder clouds decorate this atmospheric backdrop.

What is he -- a Samoan wrestler?! — What is he — a Samoan wrestler?!

Look all around, there's nothing but blue skies. I can see clearly now... — Look all around, there’s nothing but blue skies.
I can see clearly now…

Majaba, a giant pesticide-mutated grasshopper, is very quick and jumps really friggin’ high. Its razor-sharp claws will tear apart any metal known to mankind.

Kamacuras (AKA Gimantis) was one of the lesser monsters from Toho’s kaiju cannon. Majaba definitely takes some form of inspiration from Kamacuras.

He even finds time to work out in the heat of battle

Kodalar scared me as a kid. He even defeated Ultraman in the TV series finale and is the only monster able to claim that. Tough son of a bitch!

*[Did Ultraman turn into Hacksaw Jim Duggan? -Ed.]*

Kilazee comes from the darkest corner of the galaxy. He’s no King Ghidorah, but he is Ultraman’s final test.

Ultraman gives the universe a golden shower... [Um... yeah... -Ed.] — Ultraman gives the universe a golden shower!
*[Um… nevermind… -Ed.]*

Ultraman no longer needed... for now... — Ultraman no longer needed… for now…

ULTRA MISCELLANEOUS

"How dare you piss on our contract!" *rimshot* — “How dare you piss on our contract!” *rimshot*

See? They're not such a violent lot — See? They’re not such a violent lot

Tainted love, tainted love. Don't touch me, please — Tainted love, tainted love. Don’t touch me, please

You need someone to hold you tight. But I'm sorry I don't pray that way! — You need someone to hold you tight.
But I’m sorry I don’t pray that way!

WHAT THE CRITICS SAID

Ultraman: Towards The Future was critically panned. In fact, some even dubbed it Ultraman: Towards The Trash Bin. As bad as it is, it wouldn’t quite make my top 10 worst SNES games list. There’s a handful of crappy SNES games out there that are even more unplayable than Ultraman.

CLOSING THOUGHTS

Ultraman captures the look of the TV series well and had the potential to be decent. Unfortunately, the execution was terribly flawed. You can only use Ultraman, there’s no two player mode, the moveset is limited and compounding that error is the stiff control. Ultraman moves around like he just crapped his pants. Where’s the agile karate kicking warrior as seen on the cover, eh? Sure, some monsters require small strategic changes but due to the limited amount of moves at your disposal that strategy is extremely marginal. Visually, the game fares a bit better. Though the graphics didn’t wow anyone even back in 1991, it’s got a certain rubber monster charm to it. The sprites could be bigger though, and the lack of animation is quite disappointing. On the plus side, the cheesy monster roars fit right in and some of the tunes are even a bit catchy. But it’s not a good sign when a game’s high point is the box art…

In spite of all its warts, there’s something oddly charming about Ultraman. I guess first generation SNES games have a certain charm to them. Of course, things were a lot different back then. My dad rented the game for $1.99, my brother invited all the kids on our block to our house and we played it like it was the last video game on Earth. If nothing else, I’ll always cherish those memories of a more innocent time in my young life. Ultraman was a victim of lazy programming but I’m proud it’s part of my SNES library due to the history I have with the game. It’s there purely for the nostalgia of a simpler time. Oh, and that badass cover art.

Graphics: 4
Sound: 5
Gameplay: 3
Longevity: 3

Overall: 3.0

Dragon: The Bruce Lee Story (SNES)

Pub & Dev: — **Pub: Acclaim | Dev: Virgin | July 1995 | 8 MEGS**

Although he lived a tragically short life, Bruce Lee did more in his 32 years than most folks do in an entire lifetime. The founder of Jeet Kune Do (established on July 9, 1969), Bruce Lee was a beloved martial artist and action movie star that left us far too early. Sure, we all love Jackie Chan, Jet Li and Donnie Yen, but there was NO ONE quite like Bruce Lee. Similar to Michael Jackson, he was an iconic figure who had an over abundance of rare talent and charisma that comes around only once ~~in a generation~~. Recognized the world over by people of all ages, Bruce Lee’s legacy rages on today. A biographical film, Dragon: The Bruce Lee Story, was released 25 years ago based on the life and times of Bruce Lee. It was fairly well received by most critics. Two years later, Virgin Interactive made a video game based off that film. Let’s see if Virgin was able to do the man, the myth and the legend proud.

PAYING MY RESPECTS

This past Spring Break, my girlfriend and I headed to Seattle, Washington. We stopped by Lake View Cemetery to pay our respects to Bruce Lee and his son, Brandon Lee. It was quite surreal standing here, especially seeing as how the 25th anniversary of Brandon Lee’s untimely passing was just two weeks ago.

25 years ago, Brandon Lee died after an accidental shooting on the set of The Crow. Set to be his big break that would launch the 28 year old into movie stardom, it instead became Brandon Lee’s final and most memorable film.

March 31, 1993. 25 years now... wow. Rest in Peace — March 31, 1993. 25 years now… wow. Rest in Peace

The rumor and innuendo is that the Lee family suffered from a curse. Personally, I’m not one to believe in hexes and vexes but there’s no denying there is some eerie similarities surrounding the deaths of Bruce and Brandon Lee. Of course, as I write this, it’s Friday the 13th. Go figure.

Zoom in if on mobile. Click if on desktop to see better

A metaphorical (and perhaps literal if you’re so inclined to believe) phantom was said to stalk the Lee family, casting a shadow of darkness over their lives. This phantom was highlighted in the 1993 biopic, Dragon: The Bruce Lee Story.

In the film’s closing moments, viewers watch as Lee dismantles the phantom demon that has haunted him throughout his life. The phantom attempts to hurt Bruce’s son, Brandon, before Bruce comes flying to the rescue. Considering all that happened with Bruce and Brandon, the phantom character carries eerie weight. Even if you don’t believe in that stuff, it’s still pretty creepy.

Dragon: The Bruce Lee Story was released on May 7, 1993, a little over a month following Brandon Lee’s death. It received mostly positive reviews. It’s hard to believe the film turns 25 years old in less than a month from now.

Props to Jason Scott Lee for his portrayal of Bruce Lee

THE GAME

Watch your life meter but also keep an eye out on your Chi meter. After crossing the first marker you can activate Fighter Mode. You can’t block in this mode but your attacks are faster and more potent. Reach the second marker and you can activate Nunchaku Mode.

Eat your heart out, Mikey — Eat your heart out, Michelangelo!

It's quite faithful to the film — It’s quite faithful to the film

But that doesn't necessarily make it automatically good — Faithful to the film, sure. But good? Well…

But hey, if you want to whup this guy's ass... — But hey, if you want to whup this guy’s ass…

Dragon: The Bruce Lee Story opens up with this creepy cutscene. It plays into the whole curse thing and the metaphorical phantom that stalks Bruce Lee.

Nightmarish and ominous, things are off to a decent start.

Nothing spells trouble quite like being at a Lantern Festival Dance with a less than savory sailor. So much for that decent start — Popeye is yanking your chain!

OUCH!!! But ever the thespian, Bruce lets everyone know he’s OK when he is seen doing a massive split kick only moments later.

Gussie Yang’s Kitchen is full of scoundrels, but the toughest is the Chef. The fight starts out in the kitchen area before spilling out into the alleyway where he calls upon his ~~clone~~ twin for assistance.

University Gymnasium of Seattle is where you’ll battle Scott. Show him who’s boss with the deadly nunchucks.

Beware Scott’s deadly jump kick and his novel variation of the Heimlich Maneuver.

Johnny Sun greets you with malice at the George Wu Gymnasium in Oakland.

Sadly, it looks a lot better in still shots than it does in motion.

Encounter your worst nightmare, the Phantom Demon, in stage 10. He dies just like how he does in the movie. Nice.

VERSUS MODE

Outside the Story Mode, you can play the VS. mode. Unfortunately, you can only control Bruce Lee. None of the computer opponents are available. Not that it would have made a huge difference but still.

“BOARDS DON’T HIT BACK”

Tackle Pete the Dummy in the bonus round to acquire Chi and points. Can you make the Top 8 power rankings?

WHAT THE CRITICS SAID

Dragon: The Bruce Lee Story came out two years after the film was released. In the summer of 1995, there wasn’t much demand for a Bruce Lee video game on the SNES. It was mostly panned by critics and arrived with very little fanfare, especially considering that it was a game based off the legendary Bruce Lee. But it came out two years too late to capitalize on the success of the biopic it was based upon. Both its ill-timed release and awkward clunky gameplay did it zero favors. It was doomed to fail from the start. Like a chain was tightly wrapped around its neck, dragging it down…

CLOSING THOUGHTS

The most intriguing aspect of Dragon: The Bruce Lee Story, other than playing as the iconic Bruce Lee, is its 3-player mode. With a multitap and two friends in tow, three players can duke it out for martial arts supremacy. Sadly, the game is a bit clunky even when the game speed is set to Turbo. There’s a bit of a learning curve which I don’t mind, but the game never feels fluid no matter how much I try. Something about it feels off and it’s a very disappointing game, all things considered. The graphics are pretty bad — there are few frames of animation and background characters look like cutout cardboards. The sound doesn’t fare much better, as whacks and smacks sound unconvincing and lackluster. And why does Bruce Lee sound like a cat? It’s not entirely unplayable; it’s kind of fun to beat up on the computer with a friend by your side in the Two Player Story Mode, but this is no proper tribute. Bruce Lee deserves better and so do SNES fans. Avoid and pop in Enter the Dragon for the 10th time instead.

Virgin, you failed to do this — Virgin failed to do this. Shame!

Graphics: 4
Sound: 4
Gamplay: 4
Longevity: 4

Overall: 4.0

Bruce Lee's statue in Hong Kong — Bruce Lee’s statue in Hong Kong

Barkley Shut Up and Jam! (SNES)

***Pub & Dev: Accolade | June 1994 | 16 MEGS***

25 years ago this month, NBA Jam hit the arcade scene and became a worldwide phenomenon. It’s become embedded in the fabric of pop culture and remains as relevant today as it was back in April of 1993. Even to this day, people quote phrases such as “HE’S ON FIRE!” and “BOOM SHAKA LAKA!” Naturally, clones would soon appear following the smash success of NBA Jam. One of them was Barkley Shut Up and Jam. Let’s just say, there’s a reason why people fondly reminisce about NBA Jam even 25 years later and there’s a reason why many people have forgotten about Barkley Shut Up and Jam. But does that mean the game is completely without merit? Time to pump my Reebok sneakers and find out…

BATS, BOBCATS AND BARKLEY

My childhood Hollywood Video, taken January 2006

On a quiet rainy Monday evening of January 30, 2006, just two weeks into my Super Nintendo comeback, I stopped by my childhood Hollywood Video. That evening I drove to my old stomping grounds hopeful to add more games to my rapidly growing collection.

Entering the giant store like I’d done so many times before more than a decade ago, I wasted no time in making a beeline straight for Game Crazy. Hell, not even the horror section could entice me on this night. I ended up getting six SNES games. While I was ecstatic to buy ActRaiser, the game that thrilled me most at the time was actually Barkley Shut Up and Jam. Aside from Bubsy, it’s the only game of the lot that I rented as a kid. I remember enjoying it with my brother and friends back in the summer of 1994, so I had a strong nostalgic connection to it. I was morbidly curious to see how it would hold up some 12 years later.

Hard to believe 2006 is now 12 years ago... — Hard to believe 2006 is now 12 years ago…

What a fun time early 2006 was to get back into SNES

THE CHUCKSTER

Born and raised in Leeds, Alabama, Sir Charles Barkley averaged 19.1 points and 17.9 rebounds per game his senior year in high school. He played three years of college ball for Auburn University, averaging 14.1 points, 9.6 rebounds and 1.7 blocks per game. He declared for the NBA draft in 1984 where he was selected #5 by the Philadelphia 76ers, just two slots after Chicago took Michael Jordan. He averaged 14 points and 8.6 rebounds per game his rookie season. He gave the 76ers’ organization and fans eight tremendous years. His best years there included averages of 28.3 points and 11.9 rebounds per game. Another season he averaged 23 points, 14.6 rebounds, 4.9 assists, 1.8 steals and 1.5 blocks per game. Barkley was traded to the Phoenix Suns following the 1991-1992 season.

Barkley continued his reign of dominance in the Valley of the Sun. His first year there was arguably his best. Averaging 25.6 points, 12.2 rebounds and a career high 5.1 assists per game, Barkley led the Suns to a 62-20 record and was deemed MVP. The Suns made the NBA Finals that year (their first since 1976) but lost in six games to Michael Jordan and the Bulls.

Houston, we've got a problem — Houston, we’ve got a problem

Barkley was shipped to the Houston Rockets on August 19, 1996. Now at the back end of his career, Barkley was joining a veteran team in hopes of finally capturing a Championship ring. Playing alongside Hakeem “The Dream” Olajuwon and Clyde “The Glide” Drexler, the Rockets were considered title contenders. In the ’96-’97 season, Barkley averaged 19.2 points and 13.5 rebounds per game. The Rockets made the playoffs several times but always came up short. Barkley’s last NBA game took place on April 19, 2000. He was 37 years old.

LIFE AFTER BASKETBALL

Charles Barkley has always been a magnetic character. Outspoken and brash, Barkley went on to become a key member of TNT’s award winning Inside the NBA post-game show.

Chuckster having a good time with Ernie and Kenny

The 76ers retired his #34 jersey on March 30, 2001

SHUT UP AND JAM

Shut Up and Jam is 2-on-2 street basketball. Play by the clock (1, 3 or 5 minutes per quarter) or by points (first team to 21 or 50 wins). Select from single game, series or tournament. A password feature is implemented to save your progress. Barkley is the big boss in the tournament mode if you manage to make it to the Finals.

SWEET 16

Select from 16 players, including Barkley himself and 15 street legends. As you would expect, each one has different strengths and weaknesses.

Turbo meter similar to NBA Jam. Watch your balls…

Each game begins with a tip-off from the heavens

And ends with the stats. Whew that was a close one — And ends with stats. Whew, that was a close one

Like NBA Jam, no rules! Let the bodies hit the floor! — Like *NBA Jam*, no rules — let the bodies hit the floor!

POWERFUL JAMS

Dunks aren't quite as outlandish as NBA Jam — Dunks aren’t quite as outlandish as *NBA Jam*

Nothing like a thunderous two-handed reverse FLUSH! — I love the thunderous two-handed reverse FLUSH

Ah, the glory days of the NBA... — Ah, the glory days of the NBA Slam Dunk Contest

Alright, I see you, Gerald Green. I see you *golf clap*

PLAYERS

The round mound of rebound, Barkley is arguably the best player in the game. A fierce rebounder and competitor, Barkley is the king of trash talking.

Two words: rebound specialist. Sans Barkley, no one can touch Chilly when it comes to pulling down boards. He’s got great speed, he can shoot twos and he can jam. Match him up with anyone who can shoot the three to create a potent 1-2 punch. Why is he called Chilly? Don’t piss him off and you’ll be lucky never to find out why.

There’s nothing wimpy about D. This dude will swat it if you pull up in the lane. He’ll rip your head off if you get in front of him for a rebound. Combine his speed and defensive ability with a guy who can shoot the rock and you’ve got a blacktop team to reckon with.

Scouts drool over Dane. A jack of all trades, Dane has made a name for himself on the blacktops. Many believe he could not only play in the NBA but dominate it. But Dane isn’t about the travel life. He’s content being a legend in his own backyard where all the little kids look up to him. He’s not the greatest dunker around, but he does everything else very well to great.

One of the worst 3 point shooters on the circuit, he didn’t earn his name for marksmanship. But if you want spectacular speed and slam dunks, Fly By is your guy.

At the three point arc, this cat is LIGHTS OUT. Sure, he can’t dunk for diddly. And he bricks badly on the occasional 15 footer. Yeah, he gets bounced around inside like a rag doll. But if it’s bombs you want, it’s bombs you’ll get with the Funkster. Oh and you gotta love how he rocks that mini fro.

Gunner earned his nickname for being the best damn shooter around. Sure, he can’t jam for shit, but who cares when you’ve got a guy who can hit from anywhere, is quick as hell and rebounds like a mad man.

Scouts don’t know whether to offer him an NBA tryout or call the FBI. Pure destruction down low, rumor has it Newts once broke a guy’s arm just for looking at him funny. Even Barkley is a little cautious around this certified nut job.

There’s nothing flashy about Sarge, but no one ever outworks or outhustles him. Not the best talent on the streets, but he’s respected for his sheer tenacity and will to win.

Smoothy is quicker as a hiccup. Many have tried to knock off his shades but none have been successful — he’s just too damn fast! Aside from minor rebounding issues, he’s a dynamic little bastard.

While not the most talented player on the circuit, Spike is a legitimate double threat. Crowd him at half court and he’ll blow by you. Give him too much space and he’ll be hitting bombs from downtown.

A monster on the boards, Stonewall guards the paint like it were his booze. Big on intimidation, low on finesse. The battles for rebounding supremacy between him, Chilly, D-Train, Barkley and Newts are legendary.

If you like the long ball, Sweet Pea is your man. He practically knocks down threes in his sleep. He can also high rise with the best of them. A true showoff, Sweet Pea always puts on a show and has developed a cult following. He’s blessed with NBA talent but chooses to keep it in the streets.

If Barkley is the best of the 16, then T-Bone is definitely #2. Essentially the improved version of Dane, who in his own right is a jack of all trades, T-Bone is a KING of all trades. The only player in the game with at least a six out of eight rating in every single category, T-Bone could walk onto an NBA court today and instantly be a top 3 player. His legend grows with each passing day. His battles with Dane are legendary as the two battle to be the LeBron James of street basketball.

Gifted with blinding speed and a tremendous ability to dunk the basketball, he’s earned the moniker of Wildman because that’s the only way to describe his game. He may look like that one unskilled guy you played ball with growing up who could only hustle and jostle, but Wildman is a better shooter than one might think.

A poor man’s Wildman, Xaos has trouble hanging with the big boys. He’s not bad, especially if speed and dunking is your thing. But everything he can do, Wildman does as well or better. If you like underdogs, Xaos is your guy.

BALLIN’ ALL OVER THE STATES

There are eight locations to choose from. Aside from Phoenix, they all take place in the streets. Let’s take a quick tour, then, shall we?

This rooftop blacktop has seen many battles and bruises throughout the years. Those living in the apartment nearby get quite the view.

Better bring your A-game, or you’ll quickly join the heap of trash.

Watts is a residential district in southern Los Angeles. Hoop it up in the schoolyard at night, where a single street lamp oversees the intense action. Don’t bitch about how you can’t see — just shut up and jam.

Players duke it out in this abandoned warehouse. The best players come here every weekend to stake their claim. For them, it’s the perfect way to spend a Saturday morning. Or any other morning for that matter.

It’s always a good time in Miami, unless you’re getting your ass kicked on this beautiful court. The ladies here like to size up the best of the best. While some will play to win their affection and adoration (among other things), others just want to win the game.

It’s not quite the fabled Rucker Park (of Harlem fame), but this court is famous in its own right. Word on the street is Michael Jordan honed his craft here a time or two. There’s always a big rowdy crowd on hand. Can’t handle the intensity? Best go back to your driveway, rook.

Play by the infamous L Train in the shadow of the Windy City. This is yet another famous blacktop where the toughest and roughest have etched their name in the annals of street ball history.

Last stop of the grand tour is the Valley of the Sun where you’ll go up against the great Sir Charles Barkley himself. Few street ballers have earned the right to play ball here and nobody, NOBODY, has ever beaten Barkley in his own building. Can you be the first to rewrite history? [Or solve a mystery… WOO HOO! Ahem, sorry… -Ed.]

Be sure and tell 'em STEVE sent ya! AH-HA-HA-HA-HA! — ***Be sure and tell ‘em STEVE sent ya! AH-HA-HA-HA-HA!***

Hope y’all enjoyed the grand tour. Be sure to stop by the gift shop and tell ‘em… ah, you know the rest!

WHERE AMAZING HAPPENS

Just another day at the office for the Funkster

Wildman doing what he does best: throwing down!

Fast and compact, Smoothy jams it home — Smoothy slams it home **and** keeps his shades on

Sweet Pea is nearly automatic from outside

And he doesn't mind trash talking to boot! — And he doesn’t mind trash talking to boot!

Spike gets so high his Mo almost touches the sky — Spike gets so high his Mohawk *nearly touches the sky*

To the T-Bone fans out there, relax. He'll get his — To the T-Bone fans out there, relax. He’ll get his

T-Bone: The LeBron James of the Streets — T-Bone: The LeBron James of the streets

GODZILLA VS. BARKLEY

The year was 1992. I was watching TV on a random Saturday night when I first saw the commercial for Godzilla vs. Charles Barkley. As a huge Godzilla fan, I couldn’t believe it. At the time I had no idea about the Heisei series (Godzilla films were still being cranked out in the early ’90s on a yearly basis). With no internet back then, the last I saw Godzilla was in Godzilla 1985. So to say that I lost my shit would be a gross understatement. The Big Guy was back!

My drawing I drew some five years later in 1997 — I drew this some five years later in 1997

I even drew a picture of the fight for an art class in junior high. I can’t draw to save my life, but I had a blast drawing this all the same. Good times.

This made me the coolest kid in elementary school

I actually thought when I first saw the commercial in 1992 that they were going to turn this into a movie. My mom even bought me the t-shirt, which made me the coolest kid at school. My friends and classmates loved reading the profiles for Barkley and Godzilla. I recall Barkley’s favorite meal being mom’s home cooking!

Over 25 years ago now!

Bigger than King Ghidorah! Deadlier than MechaGodzilla! It’s… Charles Barkley?!

CHARLES BARKLEY INTERVIEW

As I blew the dust off my old drawing, the wheels started to turn. What if, somehow, I could show Chuck this? And in the process, score an interview with the Round Mound of Rebound? I also asked if I could interview Barkley about his SNES video game. I sent out an email to Barkley’s PR people just over 10 years ago in 2008. Imagine my shock and disbelief when I saw the following in my email box…

From: Charles Barkley’s PR people
Sent: Tue 3.18.08 9:05 AM
To: Steve

Your Godzilla vs. Barkley drawing was sent to Charles, in addition to your request for an interview for his old video game. It was well received. We can set something up for next week. Charles is very busy but he said he can swing 10 minutes.

As a result, I found myself interviewing Charles Barkley on March 26, 2008!

Me: I know you’re busy, so thank you for taking the time.

CB: You gonna give my game a good score, right?

Me: Sure. Of course… so, have you ever heard of RVG Fanatic?

CB: Never in my life.

Me: Real quick, what was the Godzilla gig like?

CB: Fun as hell. The Japanese people love me, and who can blame them?

Me: Do you mind fielding a few general basketball questions before we get to the video game?

CB: Fire away.

Me: You’ve played against both Michael Jordan and Kobe Bryant. Many think Kobe is this generation’s Michael Jordan. How wide is the gap between the two?

CB: I think Kobe’s great, he fantastic, all of that. But people who think he as good as Michael was, they must never have seen Michael. Because if they did, they would say no such thing. But for 2008, Kobe is as close as you gonna get. And I like Kobe, he’s a tremendous talent, but Michael? Come on now!

Me: You’ve had such a wonderful career. Ever wake up in the middle of the night and get that itch?

CB: I used to, you know. But now it’s mainly an itch from a bug bite or something *chuckles* Yeah, those days are long gone. I’m happy where I’m at. Life is good for the Chuckster.

Me: I love your work on TNT with Ernie and Kenny. What is it like being on that show?

CB: It’s great, aside from the lousy pay and some jackass studio people who think they know it all. But man, lemme tell you something, I get to work only one day of the week, I have some good people looking out for me, and best of all, sitting next to two losers like Kenny and Ernie makes me look really good! *chuckles*

Me: Good ol’ Kenny. You gotta love that little Tar Heel bastard. What’s it like working with Kenny?

CB: Like a gawd damn root canal. Naw, working with Kenny is interesting. He always makes me laugh… whenever I look at that ugly ass mug of his *chuckles*

Me: I remember that time you guys played that little joke on Kenny about Justin Timberlake hitting a jumper in his face…

CB: Oh yeah he had that coming. They always trying to clown the Chuckster so any chance I get, I’ll get him. As long as I’m around, he’ll never live that down.

Me: What about Ernie? What’s it like working with him?

CB: Ernie who? Oh you mean that middle-aged white boy riding my coat tails? Oh OK, that Ernie. Naw, Ernie is just wonderful. People stop me on the street all the time to ask me if Ernie is black or white.

Me: And you tell them… ?

CB: That he white as hell. White as Wonder Bread *chuckles*

Me: He keeps you and Kenny in check, eh?

CB: That he does. Naw listen, he’s one of the best in the business. I’m really happy for his success. Couldn’t happen to a nicer guy.

Me: I know your time is precious, so let’s jump to the game now. What are your memories of it?

CB: I was never a big game player, even then, but I saw an opportunity to get involved with a basketball game that I wanted to have my style of play on it. Physical, fast, no rules.

Me: Were the 15 street ballers real? Your partner in the game was Dane. Was he legit?

CB: Most were real, others based off players I seen on the streets. Dane was real. He and I used to play ball growing up. There was nothing the kid couldn’t do. He could have made the NBA but he made some bad choices along the way. You see kids like him in the ‘hood all the time. All the talent in the world but then they get caught up in something that ruins them. Or they simply get caught at the wrong place and wrong time.

Me: That’s too bad. Any others you have a story about?

CB: Every ‘hood has a Chilly. He’s the guy you don’t mess around with. Hell, I think there should be more guys like Chilly in the suburbs. Kids these days too damn soft!

Me: My bro’s favorite player was Sweet Pea. What’s the lowdown on him?

CB: Sweet Pea was real. Ton of talent, big heart. The bigger the crowd the better he played. He used to steal kisses with the honeys on the sideline as he dribbled the ball up. I ain’t never seen that before. Hey, more power to him.

Me: My favorite was T-Bone. Was T-Bone real?

CB: I haven’t thought about T-Bone’s ass in years. So my main man Dane was great, but man, T-Bone was special. He was ahead of his time. He was like the T-Mac of the streets. 6’8″ and there was nothing he couldn’t do. The best player I ever saw who never made it to the NBA.

Me: To bring the interview to a close, I’m going to mention some names of the people who worked on the game with you. Feel free to say something if a name strikes your fancy.

CB: Shoot.

Me: Thanks Sir Charles, it was a real honor.

CB: You got it. Good luck with JVG Fanatic.

Me: RVGFanatic.

CB: Whatever *chuckles*

Note: This was conducted back in March 2008 — Note: This Q&A was conducted back in March 2008

April FOOLS! Sorry I couldn’t resist. But seriously, not to leave you feeling totally cheated, here’s a LEGIT design session held with the Chuckster from back in the day.

SHUT UP AND JAM! DESIGN SESSION

“So this is what you people do? What’s the world coming to?” Thus, amid much laughter, did Charles Barkley start his visit to Accolade. When the day was done, Barkley’s style and personality were part of the product and the design team was happy to have met such an individual who cuts through the “image is everything” athletic Public Relations bull. Refreshing.

The morning began with an overview of competing products. While Barkley is not a big video game player, he already knew what he wanted.

“I think it would be great to be different,” said Barkley. “You don’t want the same old boring thing.”

The basic premise put forward by the design team was a two-on-two game, and within a tournament, a number of games played around the country in different locations. The games would be played in the streets and it was this point that Barkley emphasized.

It was immediately clear that the NBA star felt very strongly that the roots of basketball are in the neighborhoods and playgrounds of America, not in the $200 courtside seats of the NBA. “Basketball is a playground game,” he told the game designers. “It’s where I got my start and it’s where the game of basketball originated.” He told them about players in his old neighborhood who had as much or more talent than guys playing in the NBA, but just didn’t have the breaks or the bucks to make it.

“The level of talent is just tremendous,” he said. “It’s more passionate on the street and people just play because they love the game. We used to play all day in the streets. It’s tremendous basketball, because you have to compete at such a high level. With 10 guys on the side you knew if you lost you wouldn’t get to play for a long time.”

“Basketball has gotten away from its roots,” Barkley explained. “I love the street game. LOVE IT. When you go to the neighborhoods there are legends — people just known by their nicknames.”

Teamwork was another item Barkley mentioned. “It’s important to work as a team. You have to have teammates to help each other. The street game is more passionate. This game will be based off of my personality. I play physical. I play hard. I play aggressive. I want the players to work together. I want the game to be fun.”

Each of these suggestions, along with basic Barkley moves such as the thunder dunk have been incorporated into this game. Interestingly, Barkley had no burning desire to beat other celebrity endorsed products. “I just want to put out a good game.”

HOOK IT UP

Shut Up and Jam! takes advantage of the SNES multitap, allowing for up to four players to partake. The computer is a real pushover, so the real fun lies in playing this game with three others (provided you can find three pals who would be willing to play this over NBA Jam…)

My brother and I, along with our friends from the neighborhood, used to play four player Shut Up and Jam! before competing in some real life 2-on-2 in my backyard. Ah, those were the days. We squeezed lots of fun out of the game, even if it wasn’t very good.

WILT WHO?

What an insane game... I was Fly By — What an insane game! (I was Fly By)

TRASH TALK

The ads for Shut Up and Jam! matched the trash talking intensity of one, Sir Charles.

This photo ain’t blurry.

It’s just how you’re

gonna see me

after I knock

your sorry self

to the blacktop

and dunk

on your head

ten times.

WHAT THE CRITICS SAID

Yes, and we all know how those turn out…

Back in the ’90s, most games with the name of a professional athlete in its title usually sucked. It was like a cheap way of marketing a subpar game to the gullible masses of kids who looked up to these star athletes. Once in a while you got a gem like Ken Griffey Jr. Presents Major League Baseball. Or surprisingly decent efforts like Michael Jordan: Chaos in the Windy City.

But for the most part, games featuring a star athlete’s name in its title were pretty bad. Remember Bill Laimbeer’s Combat Basketball? Or how about…

Barkley Shut Up and Jam! was never reviewed by EGM, GameFan or Super Play. It doesn’t have a savory reputation, to say the least. It’s definitely closer to Shaq Fu than it is to Chaos in the Windy City, in terms of fan reception.

CLOSING THOUGHTS

Shut Up and Jam has more going against it than it does going for it. But that doesn’t mean it’s completely worthless. The gameplay felt a little funky at first and the roster isn’t the greatest, but Shut Up and Jam oddly grew on me after a while. Revisiting this game over a decade ago was an interesting experience. Believe it or not, I liked it quite a bit back in 1994. It was a fun alternative when my friends and I wanted a break from NBA Jam, even though we knew it had fundamental flaws. In spite of its numerous warts, I can still pop it in today for 10 minutes and have a decent time messing around with it.

The graphics and sound are below average. The visuals look muddy, but in some respects I guess it reflects the gritty feel of street ball. The animation is extremely lacking and so players move a bit awkwardly. Despite some stiff animation, thank goodness the game plays fairly fast and tight. There are some digitized speech samples from Barkley, but you hardly notice it.

You shoot, slam, shove and swat. You can run over the opponent, or you can jump and knock their ass to the ground when they go for the big jam. It’s not meant to be taken seriously and when taken at face value, it can be oddly enjoyable. Trying out the different players and team combinations is part of the fun as well. Jump shots must be released at the peak of your jump or you can expect an airball, which happens more here than any other basketball game I’ve ever played. Annoying to say the least!

Although on the surface it may seem a lot like NBA Jam, it really does have its own feel, somewhat. Sans the one arena, I enjoy the blacktop gritty atmosphere the game generates. It’s just a bunch of dudes from the ‘hood balling to be the best. And even though Shut Up and Jam advocates the slam dunk, nothing beats weaving through the lane and then kicking it out to your wide open teammate for the sweet 18 foot jumper. That swish is music to my ears. Let the trash talking begin! And if you’re thinking of making any cheap excuses, just remember this one thing…

Graphics: 4
Sound: 4.5
Gameplay: 4.5
Longevity: 5

Overall: 4.5