Corridor 7 (PC)

A dear childhood Doom clone guilty pleasure!
The alien invasion has begun…

Corridor 7 was released by Capstone in March 1994. This month marks 23 years. Wow, if that doesn’t make me feel old. I vividly remember buying this game in the summer of ’94 and loving the crap out of it. It used the same engine as id Software’s Wolfenstein 3D. Unfortunately for Corridor 7, Doom came out just three months prior and blew everyone’s mind. Suddenly, the Wolfenstein engine was looking a bit archaic. Corridor 7 was a day late and a dollar short. But that doesn’t mean it’s a terrible game. I liked it a lot as a kid and it definitely has some charm to it. Let’s take a stroll down memory lane.

On a side note, be sure not to miss the interview I conducted with Corridor 7 programmer, Les Bird, toward the bottom of this review. Thanks, Les!

IT ALL BEGAN IN 1992…

This was quite the sight back in good ol' 1992
This was quite the sight 25 years ago

Often considered the grandfather of the genre, Wolfenstein 3D made a big splash upon its arrival back in May of 1992. Mowing down Nazi soldiers and zombies left and right was a formula for success. Sure, there were other first person shooters that came before, but none put the genre on the map quite like this one.

This provided a rush like no other game in '92
The classics never get old. No siree

Wolfenstein left a lasting impression to say the very least. Few games could match the sheer intensity of gunning down a room full of Nazi guards. It was an adrenaline rush like none other. id Software struck lightning in a bottle, but this proved to be only a stepping stone…

Who could forget the first time seeing Hans Grösse?
Who could forget the first time seeing Hans Grösse?

As great as Wolfenstein 3D was at the time, it was just the beginning…

Doom was nothing short of a revelation
Doom was nothing short of a revelation

Released December 1993, Doom took players on a wild ride through the shores of Hell. It was essentially to the first person shooter genre as Street Fighter II was to the fighting game. And just like Street Fighter II, when a game creates such a stir, rival companies come out of the woodwork to throw their name in the hat eager for their own slice of the pie. The early-mid ’90s was flooded with Street Fighter II and Doom clones. Most were rather uninspired, but a few rose above the pack. Whatever the case may be, one thing was for sure… we had more than our fair share of choices.

Can you imagine a cover like this going over today?
Can you imagine a cover like this going over today?

One day in early 1994 I made my weekly voyage to Software Etc. at the local mall. Typically, I would stare at all the cool SNES games I could never own. But on this particular day a little CD game caught my eye. It was a one level preview of a new Wolfenstein clone called Operation Body Count.

No one ever got more out of one level than I did
No one ever got more out of one level than I did…

But what attracted me to this one level preview was Corridor 7: Alien Invasion. The back of the package featured a small picture of a massive purple alien stalking you in a creepy decaying corridor. It blew my 10 year old mind and looked exactly like the kind of game I would have made myself! I convinced my mom to buy it and the rest is history.

A haunting image that mystified me to no end
A haunting image that mystified me to no end

I played that one level preview of Corridor 7 probably 500 times. I absolutely loved it. My dad eventually bought me a copy of the full game later that summer at this little mom and pop shop of all places. They had it at a discounted price of $20 and my old man bit. I studied the manual the whole 20 minute car ride home, reading about the weapons and monsters until I damn near memorized it. Even back then, I was obsessed with spreading the word on obscure games. Corridor 7 became that under the radar title that I championed as a 10 year old kid. I told all my friends about it. I even called it C7… it was my attempt to sound cool but obviously to little avail.

THE STORY GOES…

"Let's bring this mysterious object back to Earth"
“Let’s bring this mysterious object back to Earth”
"I mean, what's the worst that could happen?"
“I mean, what’s the worst that could happen?”
"OH CRAP"
“OH CRAP”

THE ALIENS

animprobAnimated Probes are very efficient and very fast. Most of the probes respond to sound, but some are set to ambush you when you enter a room or corridor. Luckily, these probes don’t do a lot of damage and do not have a lot of health.

ailoprobThis alien is primarily a sentry, used to alert other aliens to your presence. Ailoprobes move slowly, do little damage, and by themselves are not much of a threat. Ailoprobes usually travel in packs, however, and can bring other aliens swarming in on you.

rodexThese little devils travel in packs and attack quickly. Although Rodexes don’t do a lot of damage, if they surprise you, they can hurt you plenty. Listen for their unique squeal when they enter a room. You can punch holes in them from a distance with the M-343 or the Alien Assault Cannon. More of a nuisance than a threat. The big boys are soon to come…

bandorBandors disguise themselves as common everyday objects such as chairs, barrels, file cabinets, potted plants and so forth. They remain in these forms until they can surprise you, usually from behind. Bandors carry heavy weapons and can inflict a lot of damage. Stay alert and listen for their morphing sound. You can put a few holes in the Bandors before they finish morphing. Bandors are extremely loyal to their own kind. If you kill a Bandor, others in the area generally rush to the scene.

nerrawNerraws roam the alien levels and don’t appear until level 31 in the CD-ROM version. Although he looks harmless enough, he can kill the toughest marine in only a few seconds. Shoot first and make sure the little bastard stays down.

semajSemaj look like puddles of purplish slime, and they probably are. These creatures slink around the alien levels, waiting to grab your legs while you wage war against the other aliens. These aliens do not have any weapons, but they do have nasty sets of teeth that tear through the thickest body armor. Don’t let one slither up to you while you waste his buddies.

eitak

These ugly creatures are the main guards of the alien levels. Eitaks are well armed and can do a bit of damage, especially when you encounter them in numbers. These aliens are well enough armored to shrug off a few rounds, but sustained fire kills them easily. Try not to fight Eitaks in closed areas; they are a good shot and generally pour into the area to help their own.

tenajThese aliens are the main technicians in charge of making the atmosphere alien-compatible. The Tenaj generally work alone but can be found in pairs. They’re smart, quick and likely to ambush an unsuspecting Marine. Although they represent a formidable threat, they are not heavily armored and are likely to turn their backs on you. Use the M-343 or Alien Assault Cannon to blow a few holes in them and pick up any charge packs that they drop.

eniramThese aliens can remain invisible until they fire their weapons. Enirams use this skill to sneak up on their prey and launch an attack. Enirams are not heavily armored. If you suspect that Enirams are in the vicinity, use the infrared mode of your visor to locate and track them. If you lose sight of an Eniram, use the proximity map.

otreborOtrebors are the main technicians that are working to convert Delta Base to an alien-inhabitable environment. These aliens generally travel alone, but they pack quite a punch and can be very deadly. An Otrebor has an evil laugh, but you usually will hear (and feel) its blaster first.

ttocsTtocs are brute force warriors. These aliens are not very bright, however, and they do not move very fast. Ttocs are my personal favorite. Not only do they look intimidating and exactly what I picture a barbaric alien to resemble, but their death animation is simply the best. Their skin melts, leaving a green poo all over their bones. The sound effect is spot on and it’s very satisfying to kill these bastards. Silly note: as a kid I surmised that Ttocs secretly stood for “The Terminators Of Corridor Seven.” Yeah, I was weird… [Was? -Ed.]

mechwarThese heavily armored aliens are used primarily to guard key alien equipment and areas. You can hear a Mechanical Warrior from far away. When you hear the booming footsteps, check your Proximity Map. This alien is best handled from a distance or with a few well placed mines. Be sure to pry the Dual Blaster out of his cold dead grip.

enirambEniram bosses are of the same stock as the standard Enirams but are more solidly built and better armed. These aliens cannot turn invisible. Thank goodness for small favors.

tymokYou can find Tymoks on various levels, supervising other aliens’ work. Tymoks are armed with Plasma Rifles and can burn you into a puddle of goo very quickly. These aliens also are fairly quick and are likely to dodge your fire. Fortunately they work alone. Before taking on a Tymok, eliminate all other threats in the area. You don’t want an Animated Probe chewing up your backside while you concentrate on the Tymok!

tebazilatebazilbThis alien is the last boss that you will face in the game. Tebazile is heavily armored and carries a powerful weapon. To top it off, you have to kill him five times! When you first see Tebazile, he is in his natural form. When he takes enough damage, he morphs into the following aliens: Eniram boss, Tymok, Solrac, and back into himself. He appears only in the CD-ROM version.

solracSolrac is the alien leading the invasion of Earth. You probably will see him several times during the game, however, as his presence invades your thoughts. Solrac carries no weapon but he fires a deadly energy burst from his eyes. Alien weapons do the most damage to Solrac, but your M-343 will do in a pinch.

THE WEAPONS

equip1This weapon emits an electrical charge of lethal force. The taser is self powered, requiring no ammo. I always thought it was pretty cool how your weakest weapon was a “gun” of sorts, as opposed to a knife or your fist.

equip3The M-24 Close Assault Weapon is the standard weapon of today’s Marine Corps. When the trigger is held down, it delivers a lot of firepower in a very short time and is effective against most standard alien foes. For the larger alien threats, however, you better have something with a bit more firepower. Compared to other starting guns within the genre, the M-24 “CAW” is the best of its ilk, thanks to its rapid fire.

equip2This weapon is the latest incarnation of the standard shotgun that has been in service for hundreds of years. Deadly at close range, the weapon loses effectiveness at long range and is slow to deliver multiple shots. The shotgun is available only in the CD-ROM version. It was an attempt to copy Doom‘s popular shotgun, but this one is far less memorable (and useful).

equip4The M-343 can take out most of the lesser aliens in one shot and is effective at long range. Keep the trigger down when you hose down the larger threats; the automatic fire makes mince meat of most aliens in no time at all. This is easily one of my favorite guns in the entire genre. Not only is it powerful, but it’s fast firing and looks totally badass.

equip5One thing I’ve always dug a lot about Corridor 7 is the fact that there are four human guns and four alien guns (complete with its own special alien ammo). It makes the alien guns feel extra powerful, although in practice it’s hard to beat the ever reliable M-343. The Dual Blaster is the main weapon of the alien military. It spews a deadly stream of energy.

equip6You loved the rocket launcher from Doom, eh? Well then, the Alien Plasma Rifle is the weapon of destruction for you. It fires balls of plasma that explodes upon impact. I love the green little scope attached to the rifle; it makes it look really badass!

equip7Find the Dual Blaster to be outclassed by the M-343? Then you might want to check out the Alien Assault Canon. Available only in the CD-ROM edition, it’s basically an enhanced version of the Dual Blaster. It’s faster, stronger and far deadlier.

equip8AKA the DVG (Darth Vader Gun), you know any weapon named the Alien Disintegrator must be pretty damn powerful. This is essentially the BFG of the Corridor 7 universe. Available only on the CD-ROM edition, this weapon of mass destruction can bore a hole through most alien hides.

dropmineMines add an extra layer of depth and strategy to the “mindless shooting.” Once picked up, you can drop a mine anywhere on a stage. It stays there until someone, or something, comes near it. Then KA-BOOM!

ODDS AND ENDS

medpackOne of the cool things about Corridor 7 was how they placed the medic packs throughout the levels. In Wolfenstein 3D and Doom such packs were placed out in the wide open. But in Corridor 7, medic packs are housed in special dispensers. This eliminates the potential of accidentally grabbing one in the heat of the moment.

ammobayWeapon ammo is handled in a similar fashion. They too are housed in futuristic dispensers. I dig the sound it makes whenever you claim the bullets. I can still hear that sound to this day…

bluaccesredaccesLocked doors are a staple in first person shooters. Color keys were all the rage back in the ’90s, but once again Capstone tweaked things a little bit here. Each level contains various computer terminals. Many are false alarms. When you activate one, you’ll either earn access to blue security doors, red ones or get the dreaded false alarm “INTRUDER ALERT!!” These intruder alerts will alert nearby aliens of your location. This was just another cool feature of Corridor 7 that I feel has always flew under the radar. Yes, it’s a blatant Wolfenstein 3D clone in many ways but it wasn’t a completely heartless effort.

teleportTeleporters are found in the 10 final alien levels in the CD-ROM version only. As you would expect, they take you from one teleporter to another. I like the flashing stars. Always thought that added a nice classy little touch to it.

hlthchamBecause this game takes place in the far flung future of 2012, experimental reviving chambers for non-mortal wounds are available for usage. A Health Chamber can restore up to 100% of your health depending on the energy level remaining in the chamber before use. When I was a kid I always loved how the voice over would go “HEALTH CHAMBER ACTIVATED!” as you spin 180 degrees. There was something very cool about that.

isphereThis almighty blue ball grants you temporary invulnerability. But keep in mind — whenever you see one of these bad boys — it usually signals that you’re about to encounter a rather aggressive skirmish with one of the tougher aliens, if not a pack of them. But even worse than that, the screen goes into a mad flicker that just might send you into an epileptic seizure.

MY EYES...
MY EYES! Flicker game is strong. WAY too strong…

CORRIDOR 7 MEMORIES

My body was ready
XOXO? No hugs and kisses here

There weren’t many games I was more excited to play than the CD-ROM version of Corridor 7. I played the one level preview to death in early 1994. My dad bought me the full game later that summer. Right away I noticed some of the walls had windows and see through fences. There’s an inexplicable charm to it. Gave the game sort of this quirky look and feel.

Aliens > Demons?
Aliens > demons for me at least

Although I absolutely ate up Doom, I’ve always preferred aliens over demons. Doom is undoubtedly the superior game (it’s not even close), but I actually like the enemy roster of Corridor 7 more. I love the idea of clearing corridors and hallways of alien scum. It truly felt like you were tasked with wiping out the entire alien race.

My favorite alien: the Ttocs!
My favorite alien: the Ttocs!

There are a lot of cool looking designs in this game, but my favorite was by far the Ttocs. I love their combination of red and purple. And they look like alien trolls on steroids. I loved them so much as a kid that I even came up with an acronym for them: The Terminators Of Corridor Seven. TTOCS. The funny things we did as kids, eh?

Love how their bones flash when you shoot them
Love how their bones flash when you shoot them
Also love how they melt into a pile of goo as they die
Also love how they melt into a pile of goo as they die
You're next, big guy
You’re next, big guy
Best death pose ever
Best death pose ever
The Mechanical Warrior was quite intimidating!
The Mechanical Warrior was quite intimidating!

Indeed he was. You can hear his thunderous footsteps in the distance, which was incredibly ingenious. The first time I heard it I was like “Oh hell no!” Whatever lurked behind that corner was massive and deadly…

Is that a Ttocs hiding inside?
Is that a Ttocs hiding inside?

Interestingly enough, when the Mechanical Warrior dies, you can see what appears to be a variant of the Ttocs inside. As a kid I theorized that the Ttocs battled for supremacy amongst themselves. The ones who won out got to don the scorpion-like suit. The bliss of being a kid, eh?

Speaking of death animations, this is sick
Speaking of death animations, this is sick

Corridor 7 had some sick alien sound effects and death animations. It made killing the aliens a blast, pardon the pun. The game is rather underrated particularly in those areas.

The Tymok is Barney the Dinosaur on steroids
The Tymok is Barney the Dinosaur on steroids

Speaking of favorite enemy designs, the Tymok ranks up there for me. He’s basically Barney on steroids. And unlike the Mechanical Warrior, Tymoks are very strong and worthy of their boss status. I would love to see a Tymok vs. a Baron of Hell battle. Quite frankly, I’d put my money on the Tymok…

It was such a colorful shooter
Colors up the wazoo!

Corridor 7 had a unique color scheme. Sure it has its share of decaying walls, but things like the snazzy blue “energy walls” which animate really caught my eye as a kid. It has a unique colorful look that really appealed to me when I was a kid.

Welcome to Hell
Well that escalated fast

Level 20 sees a major switch. The levels shift over into “alien levels.” This is where the aliens have completely modified their environment to suit their personal needs. I was so creeped out the first time I saw those human bodies hanging upside down. God knows what was have done to them…

Even the doors get a hell-ish makeover
Even the doors get a hellish makeover

I love how the doors in the alien levels were altered as well. The door designs added to the creepy atmosphere and it was cool how the doors opened as though you were entering a living breathing organism.

Level 20 sees the beginning of the alien takeover
As a kid I called this guy the Space Invader alien

Watch out for the Eniram enemies. They’re invisible, only appearing when they fire at you or when you enable your infrared visor. If you’re out of visor batteries, you’re pretty much screwed unless you have the full proximity map.

Nothing like seeing a health chamber in the nick of time
Health chambers restore you to full health. Brilliant!

You’ll need them, trust me.

Shit, I'm outta here
Shit, I’m outta here

LES BIRD INTERVIEW

The programmer of Corridor 7, Les Bird, was kind enough to take some time out of his busy schedule to answer my questions. This Q&A was conducted on March 23, 2017 — just in time for the 23th anniversary of Corridor 7.

Steve: Thank you for your time, Les. First off, were you a gamer growing up? If so, what were some of your favorite video games or gaming memories?

Les: I’ve been a gamer since I was a kid. I spent most of my time in the arcades playing games like Asteroids, Robotron, Gravitar, Defender, Major Havoc, Pac-Man and more. I was so fascinated by these games that I wanted to make my own so I taught myself how to code. It was always my dream to make games for a living and somehow I got lucky.

Major Havoc 1983)
Major Havoc (1983)

Steve: How did you get into the gaming industry?

Les: I was fortunate enough to get a job in the early ’90s working for Capstone in Miami. Before that I was working for Galacticomm in Fort Lauderdale helping them enhance their MajorBBS multiuser software. On the side I wrote a couple EGA vector graphic games for them called Flash Tanks and Flash Spacewar. It was just by chance that I saw an opportunity with Capstone and I took it. That was my first job in the game industry and I’ve been doing it ever since.

Les Birds gaming roots began here
Les Bird’s gaming roots began here

Steve: What inspired you to create Corridor 7?

Les: The inspiration came from playing Wolfenstein 3D. Capstone licensed the Wolfenstein tech from id Software and we needed a cool game to make with the tech. After several brainstorming sessions we came up with the story for Corridor 7. Oddly it was very similar to the story of Doom and later on Half-Life. It seemed all the sci-fi games back then followed a similar story line; a portal opens up and bad guys invade. I actually thought Half-Life was Corridor 7 made with better tech.

Half-Life 1998)
Half-Life (1998)

Steve: Talk a bit about acquiring the Wolfenstein engine license from id Software. How much did it cost? And looking back, I suppose id Software was more than happy to lend you the Wolfenstein engine because they were secretly working on Doom which utilized an improved engine.

Les: I wasn’t part of the engine acquisition but I believe id contacted us. As you said they were developing the Doom engine and the Wolfenstein 3D tech was outdated to them so why not license it out? I think, but not sure, the cost was $50,000 per title. Again I’m not totally sure of the details regarding this.

id Software raked in 50,000. Not bad...
This “stamp of approval” sold me as a kid!

Steve: What were your thoughts when you first played Wolfenstein 3D?

Les: I played Wolfenstein 3D when I was still working at Galacticomm. At the time I was not much of a PC gamer (I had an Amiga) but that game blew my mind. That was the moment I started to commit to the PC as a gaming platform. I remember trying to write my own 3D engine like Wolfenstein 3D. The thing that got me with Wolfenstein was how smooth it ran on a PC. It was one of the first games that could do 3D (or 2.5D I guess they called it) in real time at a smooth frame rate. I remember loading the game up and just turning in a circle and just in awe at how fast it could render the scene. Back then there was nothing like that which is why it was so revolutionary. The other thing that impressed me was how incredibly real the sound was if you had a Sound Blaster audio card. You can imagine how excited I was when we were able to license the Wolfenstein tech to make Corridor 7.

There was no other game like it in 1992
This blew away everyone back in 1992

Steve: How long was Corridor 7 in development for? Do you know how many copies were sold?

Les: Corridor 7 was in development for about 9 months and then another 3 (I think) for the CD-ROM version. I spent the early part exploring some engine mods that could differentiate Corridor 7 from the other games. A few things I wanted to do to make Corridor 7 unique were:

(1) Have transparent walls and windows. We also wanted the levels to be alive so we added color cycling to the engine so the electronic equipment can have blinking and moving lights.

NewCorr7i

(2) All pickups were in the walls (health packs and ammo) instead of scattered about the floor

ExCorr10

(3) Health chambers to restore the player to full health

ExCorr23

(4) Add diminished lighting when you looked down long hallways

NewCorr7l

And then there was the visor. That was an idea I had that just came out of the blue. I thought it would be cool, since you play the role of a military soldier, to be able to turn on night vision and see down dark hallways.

ExCorr1

We also added the infrared mode to the visor and then created a creature and traps specifically for the new mode.

Watch out for deadly traps
Deadly traps can only be seen with the infrared visor

I do not know the exact number of copies sold and if I tried to guess I think I’d be way off. It was included in one of the popular 5ft 10 pack CD bundles and then GameTek also took on publishing the game later on in its life.

Steve: Doom was released December 1993. How far along was Corridor 7 at that developmental point, and how big a factor do you think the new and improved Doom engine hampered the potential success of Corridor 7, which came out March 1994?

Les: Doom blew me away. It definitely hampered sales for our game. All of the game reviews for Corridor 7 were compared to Doom, which wasn’t exactly fair, but Doom was the best game out at the time and set the new standard. One of the multiplayer levels in Corridor 7 was modeled after the first Doom level. Corridor 7 was pretty far along in development when Doom came out. It was too late to turn back and change things so we just had to push forward with what we had. We also added the Alien Disintegrator to the CD version of Corridor 7 which was inspired by Doom’s BFG.

Obligatory Doom shot #1 even if its Doom II
Obligatory Doom shot #1 (even if it’s Doom II)

Steve: What were your thoughts when you first played Doom?

Les: Doom blew my mind when I played it. I could not believe games like that were possible on the PC with EGA/VGA graphics. Doom and later on Quake set the standard for FPS games.

Obligatory Doom shot #2 even if its Doom II again
Obligatory Doom shot #2 (even if it’s Doom II again)

Steve: In the first level of Corridor 7 you see the names of the people who worked on the game. Whose idea was that? I always found it to be endearingly quirky.

Les: That was actually my idea. I even made the sprites for each team member. I stuck them in the back corridor as sort of an Easter egg. There wasn’t much of a problem with management about it. I just thought it’d be cool to show the names of the key members inside the game instead of on a credits screen that may or may not be seen.

No relation to Larry
No relation to Larry

Steve: Speaking of names, some of the enemy names were based upon real names spelled backwards. You had Katie-Eitak, Scott-Ttocs, Carlos-Solrac, James-Semaj and hell, even Marine-Eniram. Who came up with this idea? I always thought it was pretty clever. Reminded me of Dracula-Alucard.

Les: We were trying to come up with names for the aliens but none of them made sense. Someone on the team suggested we just use our names spelled backwards and it stuck. I don’t remember whose idea it was (it wasn’t mine) but we all started calling each other by our alien names. Trying to come up with unique names for aliens is a pretty difficult task.

Steve: The enemies were very underrated I felt. Especially the Bandor, which often disguised itself as everyday furniture. Talk about the designs and where some of your inspirations came from. Was there a particular enemy you’re most fond of? I personally love the Ttocs the most.

Ttocs: The Terminators of Corridor 7
TTOCS: The Terminators Of Corridor Seven

Les: The Bandor was an idea I came up with. I remember playing one of the early levels and there was all this office furniture, file cabinets and chairs, just randomly placed in some of the rooms. I thought, wouldn’t it be cool if aliens could disguise themselves as office furniture and when you entered the room you’d think “nothing here” and then all of a sudden aliens would appear and start shooting you. The team liked the idea and so we made it happen. For a personal favorite, I really liked Solrac. Creepy and spooky with tentacle arms. Ttocs is Scott spelled backwards. Scott was our lead artist who came up with most of the creature designs and did all the pixel art for them.

Bandors are shifty shapeshifting bastards
Bandors are shifty shapeshifting bastards

Steve: The aliens had unique sounding screams. I particularly remember the Rodex’s pig-like squeal. How were the alien sound effects made?

Les: All of our sounds were created by our sound engineer. He was actually pretty good at coming up with unique sounds. He also did the jump scare sound for the boss vision (messiah) that you get randomly when playing the game. We basically explained what we were doing and then a day later he’d come back with some awesome sound effects. I don’t remember his technique for creating the alien sounds but I agree, they were all unique and turned out pretty well.

The Rodex had a classic pig-like squeal
The Rodex squeals like a pig upon sight

Steve: The CD-ROM version had extra goodies (i.e. 10 more levels, new enemies, new weapons, etc.) Talk about working on that.

Les: We had to make some new art for the CD-ROM version for the pulsating alien wall textures. We also had to think up some new weapons to add. Reluctantly I gave in to allowing ammo and health to be scattered on the floor. We couldn’t think of a good logical solution since the military wall textures were now alien wall textures so we couldn’t have ammo and health packs integrated into the walls.

The "alien" levels no longer had ammo in the walls
The alien levels no longer had ammo in the walls

We also added network and modem multiplayer support. I had to learn a lot about IPX networking as it was an area I had not explored before. We also added the movie sequences to the CD-ROM version. We were already at practically max memory limits (640K) so I had to learn how to use EMS/XMS memory to cache the video frames from the movies. I also remember us having a really difficult time mastering the final CD-ROM. Something about the mastering software not working properly because we needed a PC that was fast enough to stream from the hard drive to the CD-ROM burner. Back then this was all new stuff so there was a lot to learn. We went through 10 or so blank CDs before finally making a gold master that worked.

2012? That's so five years ago
2012? That’s so five years ago

Steve: How was Corridor 7 perceived when it came out in 1994? Were you pleased with the end results yourself? What would you have done differently, looking back?

Les: I was actually very happy with the game. I had a ton of freedom to put whatever I wanted to put into the game. These days things are way different. Programmers write code and designers design the games but back then it was mostly just making things up as you went. The invisible Eniram for example was just a spur of the moment thing when we came up with the infrared visor feature and we were trying to think of what else you could use the infrared mode for.

This creature can only be spotted by the infrared visor
This creature can only be spotted by the infrared visor

The proximity mines, again, just came up as we were in the middle of the project. They started out when I was trying to figure out a way you could mark where you were as you explored a level. I made these little flags that you could drop by pressing a key and then you’d know you’ve been to that area before. I showed the team but no one really liked it. I was about to remove the feature but one of my artists came up with the idea of turning the flags into mines. That was an AHA moment. He made the art for the pickup crate and the mines and I made them explode when something approached them.

Lure enemies into mines for major damage
Lure enemies into mines for major damage

hlthchamLooking back I think one thing I would’ve changed was to have more health chambers. I’m not sure what happened there but somewhere along the way it seems like we forgot we had them when we were building out the levels. We split up all the levels between several people and maybe some of them didn’t know how to add the health chambers, not sure.

I've always been a big fan of the snazzy blue there
Like finding a spring of water in the middle of a desert!

Steve: I have to ask about the random Solrac “coming at you out of nowhere” moments — where did that come from? It creeped me out so much as a kid! It was awesome :)

So freaky! Still gets me every single damn time
So freaky! It got me every single damn time…

Les: Oh man, the “messiah” as he was known internally. So this is an interesting story. It started out when one of our programmers said that we should add a random encounter with Elvis as you play through the game. He even created programmer art of an Elvis head that we put in the game. Later on we thought, maybe it should be a religious experience so we made art of Jesus with a crown of thorns and our audio guy made the jump audio for it. Our producer took the game home and played it that night and came in the next morning and called us all into her office. We got a major chewing out about it. She said “Les, tell me I didn’t see Jesus when I was playing the game last night.” We all kind of laughed but she didn’t think it was very funny (and in reality it wasn’t very funny). She immediately ordered it out of the game. We all thought it worked really well as a jump scare so we convinced her to let us keep it if we changed the art to the final boss character. She agreed and that’s how it came to be. I have to say that even when I play the game today I jump every time it appears. I’ve spent so many rounds of ammo shooting into thin air because of it.

Suck it, Solrac!
Suck it, Solrac!

Steve: Talk a little about the Corridor 8 project and how it wasn’t meant to be. Might we see Corridor 7 remade or revitalized in some way one day? Or has that ship sailed for good?

Les: Capstone was struggling to stay alive. At the time they were trying to take the company public and they put every penny they had into making this happen. They needed a game that would save them so we came up with a sequel to Corridor 7. I personally wanted to call it Corridor 7: Alien Invasion II, because Corridor 7 was already a known brand but the designer rejected that idea and wanted to call it Corridor 8. We were using the Build engine, same tech that we made Witchaven, Witchaven II and TekWar with and the same tech that was used to make the original Duke Nukem 3D game.

Duke Nukem 3D 1996
Duke Nukem 3D (1996)

vortexWe were in the very early prototyping stage when Capstone could no longer fund it. We were experimenting with vehicles, alien AI and weapons at the time and had some designs for some of the levels. The team was only 3 people at the time, just me and 2 artists. As for a Corridor 7 remake, I’ve been tossing around this idea for quite some time. I’ve explored some ideas for remaking it but it’s difficult to find the time to do that now. At one point I had it running on an iPad using DosBox for iPad, I think I posted a video on my YouTube channel of this. I’d definitely be interested in revisiting this some day when I have the time.

Steve: Let’s briefly switch gears to another game of yours: Operation Body Count. Talk about your specific role on Operation Body Count, the inspiration for this game, development time, and your general thoughts.

Les: Operation Body Count was our second Wolfenstein 3D engine game. My role on this game was very minimal except to support it because it used the same engine with the same mods as Corridor 7. When production started on this game I was finishing up the CD-ROM version of Corridor 7. I recall being part of the initial design team and we were all trying to think up a name for the game. I don’t remember who came up with the name but everyone agreed that it was the most fitting. I had mixed feelings towards the game. Development time was around 6 to 9 months I believe.

It has some neat ideas but yeah...
So many cool concepts… what a shame

Steve: I had the one level preview for OBC and absolutely loved it. Spraying bullet holes into the walls, shattering glass, bodies twitching for a second after dying, bazookas blowing up toilets, setting enemies on fire which can kill others… I thought it had the potential to be great. But then I bought the full game. I was turned off at how the first 10 or so levels took place in the sewer. Was it just to increase the length of the game? The one level preview was loads of fun. The actual full game, sorry to say, not so much.

Les: I totally agree with you. I think the first 10 sewer levels were put in to increase the length of the game. I always hated games that had sewers where you had to shoot rats and critters. Never could understand the logic behind that and never understood how that made any game more fun. The one level preview showed off all the best parts.

Shame this game didn't live up to its potential
Such a waste of potential…

Steve: Thanks again for your time, Les. And thank you for making Corridor 7. It was one of my childhood favorites. Any projects or anything you’d like to plug? Or any closing remarks?

Les: I actually still think Corridor 7 is one of my best works. I think back about how much fun it was to make and how much freedom I had to just put whatever I thought would be cool into the game. I also really liked how we would all just randomly come up with ideas and then just make it happen. The eye probe for example was an alien that one of our artists made one day and he showed it to me and I said “Man that is awesome! Let’s put it in.”

[EYE SEE WAT YOU DID DERE... -Ed.]
[EYE SEE WAT YOU DID DERE… -Ed.]
It was just a bunch of us making a game that we wanted to play and Capstone paying us to do so. Fun times and nothing like how games are made today, except maybe by some of the awesome indie studios. Thank you Steve for reaching out. I love talking about Corridor 7.

CLOSING THOUGHTS

If only this came out in mid 1993
If only this came out in early 1993…

Corridor 7 has a lot of good things going for it. Some killer alien designs, lots of color, military and alien guns with differentiated ammo for both types, some sweet death animations and sound effects, health chambers, land mines, enough varied guns to keep one pleased and so forth. There’s also a visor system where you can switch to night or infrared. The night vision however is fairly useless as it’s not really implemented much. The infrared will help you spot a certain enemy that is invisible and you can figure out which computer panels contain the security code. However, its March 1994 release really hurt its chances of leaving a truly favorable impression. Doom was already out three months by then and Corridor 7 felt a bit outdated upon its release. It’s a shame, because had Capstone put out this game a year earlier, March 1993, there’s no telling what its legacy today might have been. It’s a perfectly playable and solid Wolfenstein 3D clone set in an alien world. If that appeals to you, you’ll probably enjoy Corridor 7. Just watch out for that creepy Solrac jump scare!

Well hello!
Well hello!

Sure it’s got its flaws. But Corridor 7 will always have a soft spot in my gaming heart. It’s a relic from the good old days of PC gaming. A time in which Wolfenstein and Doom clones were churned out seemingly every other month. There were a lot of bad ones, but there were enough decent ones to sink your teeth into. I’d say Corridor 7 falls into the latter more than it does the former. Although the game is dated, it’s a childhood favorite and a reminder of a simpler time in my life. Playing first person shooters late on Friday nights after a long school week, trying to save the world from Nazis, demons and aliens. It was a good time to be a gamer, and an even better time to be a kid.

And good-bye!
Sayonara!

Nice review of Capstone’s shooters!

SPECIAL THANKS:

Les Bird, programmer of Corridor 7

This old Corridor 7 fanpage for the GIFs

Wolfenstein 3D (SNES)

Pub: Imagineer | Dev: Id Software | March 1994 | 8 MEGS
Pub: Imagineer | Dev: id Software | March 1994 | 8 MEGS

Ahh, Wolfenstein 3D. When this came out in early ’94, I was just beginning my torrid obsession with first person shooters. Something about the genre really appealed to me. Something about being a one man strike force mowing down gun-toting soldiers and mutants one after another. It’s a raw, visceral kind of experience no other genre offers! It provides the kind of thrill you won’t find in any other genre. Growing up in the early-mid ’90s meant living through the 2D fighting game golden age, the 16-bit wars and the Doom era. What a great time it was to be a kid in those days. While Doom gets most of the accolades and glory, there might not have been a Doom without a Wolfenstein 3D.

TRAILBLAZER

We knew we were embarking on a whole new journey
We knew we were embarking on a whole new journey

The first time I experienced Wolfenstein 3D was at my friend’s house. As he booted it up he flapped his gums excitedly about this killer new game that was supposedly unlike any other video game he had ever played. I thought he was just blowing smoke up my you know what, but I quickly became a believer of the hype the second I saw Wolfenstein 3D in action.

There was no other game like it in 1992

The blood, the carnage, the sheer mayhem — it was unlike anything I had ever seen before. It felt like we were playing something taboo… something we weren’t supposed to be playing. It was one of those awesome gaming experiences that stay with you for the long haul, not unlike the first time you saw the likes of Doom, Resident Evil or Super Mario 64. Even nearly 25 years later, I remember it vividly. The adrenaline rush shooting through my nine year old body at the time was damn near palpable.

MARCH 1994

Ah, the memories
Ah, the memories

Back in the day my brother would always ship me on the weekends to go rent a Super Nintendo game of his choosing. (See Memories of Renting for more). Wolfenstein 3D was one of those games my brother directed me to rent. It’s funny — I ended up playing the game more than he did. I loved Doom at the time but I had yet to play Wolfenstein 3D thoroughly. I only briefly played it at my friend’s house in mid 1992, but mostly I remember watching him play it. So the SNES port was my first taste for all intents and purposes. And boy did I love it. I even made a mini strategy guide where I rated the enemies and guns. Unfortunately that guide is just another childhood thing lost to time…

LATE 1996

One night my dad took my brother and me to FUNCOLAND. It was there I saw Wolfenstein 3D for $30. It wasn’t cheap per se, especially for an older game, but seeing it suddenly brought back good memories of that weekend I spent with Wolfie back in March of 1994. The nostalgic feels were too strong and I caved. My brother wanted to get the latest NHL game. But being that Wolfenstein was cheaper, my dad went with my choice much to my brother’s chagrin.

"If it bleeds, we can kill it..."
“If it bleeds, we can kill it…”

I remember rushing home and beat the game for a second time that weekend. It was an absolute blast (no pun intended). I also enjoyed revisiting random levels and messing around with the God mode. I sure made the most of it.

MARCH 27, 2006

Got these on Saturday, April 1, 2006. Epic weekend!
Got this on Saturday, April 1, 2006. Epic weekend ;)

Two months into my SNES resurrection, I fondly remembered my old friend, Wolfie 3D, and all the good times I had with it back in the ’90s. Found a copy on eBay and sniped it with ONE second to go. My max was originally $2.22 but at the last second I decided to add a nickel, making my new max $2.27. Funny enough, I won the game for $2.25. That nickel made all the difference! It felt great to add this childhood favorite to my growing SNES collection. I remember it arriving bright and early on a Saturday morning of April 1, 2006, along with Lufia II and Mega Man 7. Back when these expensive games were going for cheap. Also, they arrived the day before WrestleMania 22. Wow, it’s almost been 11 years. Ah, good times. But it took me nearly a year later to finally replay Wolfie.

RETURN TO CASTLE WOLFENSTEIN

Wednesday, January 31, 2007. Looking through my collection for the next game to play and review, Wolfenstein 3D caught my eye. Has it held up? Or has time been unkind to it? Only one way to find out…

PS- I’m going to rate the enemies and guns here like I did so many years ago. The higher the rating, the tougher the enemy and the more useful the gun. Because why not? :)

THE WEAPONS

Rating: 50 / 100
Rating: 10 / 100

If this were a horror movie, the knife would rank much higher. But it’s not. And in the world of Wolfenstein 3D, the knife is basically suicide. Never bring a knife to a gun fight, right? This game proves that and then some. On a side note, you can’t switch to the knife in the SNES version unless you’re out of ammo. That always annoyed me. Sure the knife sucks, but it would have been fun to use with the God mode (rather than firing all my ammo first in order to use the knife).

Rating: 75 / 100
Rating: 65 / 100

The pistol is better than nothing but it doesn’t pack much of a punch. Still, it gives you a long range weapon and you at least have a fighting chance. However, the rate of fire is rather pitiful and you’ll want a much more powerful gun beyond the first couple levels. It should be noted that once you acquire a stronger weapon, the pistol cannot be switched to. Odd. It’s fun to put the God mode on and use this gun against the bosses.

Rating: 77 / 100
Rating: 70 / 100

This quirky little gun would seem like a sizable step up from the pistol but it isn’t. Sure, the rate of fire is much faster than the pistol, but oddly, at times it seems even weaker than even the pistol! Not sure what happened with the damage ratio here, but it sometimes takes three even four shots to kill a guard whereas I can kill said guard with two pistol shots. Nevertheless, I’ve always liked this gun and it’s a blast to use on the bosses with the God mode!

Rating: 90 / 100
Rating: 90 / 100

Now we’re talking! This is the weapon to use 90% of the time. Rapid fire chaos and it’s also fairly strong. Only time that the chain gun shouldn’t be used is perhaps during some of the later boss fights, where it’s just a bit outmatched. But yeah, there’s no better feeling than firing this gun at will, mowing down a room of 10 Nazi guards in no time flat.

Rating: 92 / 100
Rating: 92 / 100

The flame thrower sure lights up the screen! Burn your enemies to a crisp (although unfortunately you’ll just have to imagine the burning flesh). Fast rate of fire and quite potent indeed.

Rating: 95 / 100
Rating: 98 / 100

The BFG of the game, this is the only gun in the game that can kill multiple enemies in one shot. Its only downside is the lack of ammo available and the fact that it fires a very small shot, leaving little room for error. On the plus side, there’s zero splash damage. Meaning you can fire it two feet away from an enemy and not take any damage yourself.

THE BAD GUYS

Rating : 75 / 100
Rating : 70 / 100

A low tier enemy, the guard fires a pistol and doesn’t have the greatest mobility. They’re a notch above a sitting duck, really, and you should be forced to turn in your gamer badge if you let one of these bastards take you down. They’re most memorable for screaming “HALT!” or in this case “STOP!” Sheesh, come on, no means no. Who’s the bad guy here?

Rating: 80 / 100
Rating: 80 / 100

Elite guards are a step above the regular guards. These burly blue uniformed men are far more menacing and pack a more powerful wallop. Their machine gun will take off more damage than the guard’s lowly pistol. However, they’re pretty slow both in terms of moving around and firing their weapon. This allows you to usually land the first shot. Repeat a few more times and before you know it this bastard will bite the dust. They’re formidable in packs, though.

Rating: 82 / 100
Rating: 82 / 100

Although weaker than the elite guard and carries a weaker weapon, the officer is not to be taken lightly. They react the quickest of all the enemies, often ambushing you with shots from left field. They tend to stay silent too, and zig zag about the castle floors making it more difficult to pelt them. They’ll sap more health from you than you may think. Hence the slightly higher rating than the bigger elite guards.

Rating: 84 / 100
Rating: 84 / 100

Proud product of the mad Doctor Schabbs, mutants don’t make a sound until they shoot, greeting you with the crack of gunfire. The mad doc inserted a pistol into the center of their chest and topped them off with cleaver-tipped arms! They’re pretty agile suckers to boot. The toughest of the regular enemies you’ll face. I always liked them as they brought a hint of macabre and a light occult flavor to the game. Besides, it can get pretty boring killing just human guards and dogs (oops, rats in this version). The mutant brings much needed diversity!

Rating: 25 / 100
Rating: 1 / 100

The killer dogs have been changed into… mutant rats?! Yes, it’s true. It’s just another sign of Nintendo censorship before they changed their family friendly image in late 1994 starting with Mortal Kombat II. Dogs or giants rats, it’s all the same at its core, however. This enemy is a joke. In fact, in all my years playing Wolfenstein 3D I don’t think a rat has ever successfully been able to bite me. Nuff said.

THE MISSIONS AND BOSSES

Rating: 90 / 100
Rating: 87 / 100

Mission One: Dresden Strike
Location: Castle outside of Dresden
Objective: Terminate Hans Grösse

Hans is the first boss and a relative cake walk with the chain gun. Hell, even his level has no other enemies. The same can’t be said for the other bosses who send wave after wave of guards and mutants your way before the ultimate showdown. But being a first boss, I get that id Software wanted the spotlight solely on Hans. It’s certainly a memorable moment when the door opens and you see his huge ass sprite for the very first time. I mean, it’s nowhere near the Barons of Hell debut, but it’s pretty solid in its own right. Many first aid kits lie in an isolated room nearby just in case, but you won’t need them if you skillfully strafe about. Upon detection he yells “I’M COMIN’ TO GIT CHU!” It’s a nice touch that always came off a bit creepy to me. Makes it feel a bit like a B-movie horror film…

Rating: 91 / 100
Rating: 91 / 100

Mission Two: A Dark Secret
Location: Castle Erlangen
Objective: Terminate
Trans Grösse

As you would expect, Trans is a fair bit tougher than his brother, Hans. Not only that but he’s also flanked by eight of his most trusted lackeys. That extra firepower can prove fatal if you aren’t quick on your feet and precise with your trigger finger. From this point on the enemy count in addition to the boss only increases. After communication with Hans Grösse proved futile, the Nazi forces realized they have underestimated your abilities. Hopefully, you’ve found a stronger weapon than the chain gun by now. Trans is more durable than Hans AND he’s extra pissed that you’ve killed his brother.

Rating: 92 / 100
Rating: 92 / 100

Mission Three: Operation Eisenfaust
Location: Dr. Schabbs’ Research Laboratory
Objective: Terminate
Dr. Schabbs

The maniacal doctor has been working hard late into the night. Malpractice, foul intentions and diabolical schemes are all on the menu. Grafting a pistol on to the chest of the recently deceased, he’s found a way to bring slain guards back to life! Somewhere in the depths of his laboratory he lurks. He may look like a simpleton but don’t be fooled by his appearance. Throwing unknown harmful chemicals and rusty syringes at you, Doctor Schabbs is more than a handful. Creepy bastard.

Rating: 95 / 100
Rating: 95 / 100

Mission Four: Trail of the Madman
Location: Mountain Fortress
Objective: Terminate ÜBERMUTANT

Despite killing the mad doctor, his efforts live on. Here’s his prized creation… the ultra deadly ÜBERMUTANT! Hidden in the dank dungeons of the Mountain Fortress, he awaits your arrival with many of his mutant friends in tow. This sprite never fails to impress me. The huge chain gun embedded in the middle of his chest… his four freaky arms each wielding a butcher knife… this is Michael Myers on steroids…

Rating: 97 / 100
Rating: 97 / 100

Mission Five: Confrontation
Location: Castle Heidenheim
Objective: Terminate
Death Knight

If you thought the ÜBERMUTANT was incredibly tough, you haven’t seen squat yet! The Death Knight is by far the hardest boss in the entire game. Being accompanied by dozens of guards and mutants is a big reason why, but even on his own he’s a force of nature. His gas attack inflicts tons of damage and he’s as durable as they come. I once beat him with only 2% health remaining. Whew…

Rating: 90 / 100
Rating: 90 / 100

Mission Six: Staatmeister’s Last Stand
Location: Castle Wolfenstein
Objective: Terminate Staatmeister

The final line of defense, as it were. The Staatmeister first appears in this exosuit and is actually pretty easy. It’s a bit anti-climactic, especially following the hard fought battle with the Death Knight. The suit is more bark than bite. That’s not to say he’s a walk in the park, because he isn’t, but you would expect the final boss to be a little tougher than this.

Rating: 85 / 100

After destroying his exosuit, you square off with his more vulnerable second form. It’s more of a formality than anything else, as the battle is truthfully a bit pitiful. In this state the chain gun will serve you just fine. But getting to him will prove tricky as the final castle floor is littered with pesky guards, crack shot officers, nasty elite guards and vicious mutants all hell bent on your destruction.

THE MANY FACES OF B.J. BLAZKOWICZ

WolfensteinSNES23WolfensteinSNES23bWolfensteinSNES23c

 

 

 

 

 

I like the various reactions of B.J. Blazkowicz. When you grab a big gun he’ll signal his approval with a fat grin. When he’s low on health he will look the part. But best of all, he turns his head in the direction he was shot from, which can save you some extra damage points if you react quickly enough. Not just a cosmetic feature, this was pretty cool stuff. Doom Guy seems to get all the love but let’s not forget B.J. did it first.

THE GAME

The key to success...
The key to success…

Each stage contains two different types of locked doors with two corresponding keys to find. Some keys lie around in the open while others are guarded by a horde of bloodthirsty soldiers and mutants.

Remarkable likeness, eh?
Remarkable likeness, eh?

These guys give you a 1-UP.

Be on the lookout for secret entrances!
Be on the lookout for secret entrances!

There are many secret passageways hidden within the 30 levels of Wolfenstein 3D. Simply approach any section of a wall, painting or closed curtain and press the A button. A portion of the wall will slide back if a secret room is hidden behind the panel. These rooms may contain valuable items such as 1-UPs, ammo, guns, etc. One secret room will even warp you to a special bonus level!

Imagine a dozen of him...
Imagine a half dozen Hans…

See if you can locate the hidden warp to play the bonus level where MULTIPLE Hans Grösse bosses call home. It’s quite the barn burner! HINT: it’s hidden somewhere in level 25.

WolfensteinSNES9

The levels have been reduced in size as compared to the original computer game, but they’re still plenty big. I still occasionally find myself getting lost within the mazes and labyrinths despite the reduced size.

What SNES Doom lacked!
What SNES Doom lacked!

After each level a password is given. This is how all passwords should be. Succinct, clear and only takes five seconds to input. None of that “Is this a 5 or S? ARGHHH!” crap.

The graphics took a hit but are still serviceable
The graphics took a hit but are still serviceable

Although many of the more questionable designs have been removed (the Hitler portraits and the swastika), the levels still maintain a nice look all things considered. Chandeliers can be found on the earlier floors, while later things become more depressing and macabre. You’ll find decaying walls, human bones and so forth. I like how the game handles these transitions and becomes progressively more bleak.

Enemies popping out of nowhere can make ya flinch
Enemies popping out of nowhere can make ya flinch

The goal is simple: reach the exit of each stage before the Nazi soldiers can take you out. It’s a classic concept that has stood the test of time. The game still makes me flinch on occasion when I turn a corner and blindly walk right into a bad guy from seemingly out of nowhere. It’s me versus him. Only one of us can survive. It’s raw and visceral like no other genre can offer. Good stuff.

I see you there...
I see you there…

Be weary of alcoves in particular. They are usually home to soldiers and mutants just waiting to ambush you. Strafing (shoulder buttons L and R) will be key to your success and thankfully works rather smoothly.

Going out in a blaze of glory!
Going out in a blaze of glory!

Always unhinges me a bit to see this…

Feel the rush!
Feel the rush!

Wolfenstein 3D gives you a great feeling of being a one man strike force. The destruction you can dish out is, at times, a great rush. Despite the lack of blood, it’s still a satisfying experience to mow down a room full of Nazi soldiers in no time flat.

"I prefer the dark..."
“I prefer the dark…”

Here’s another detail to the game that I’ve always appreciated as a kid. Early on the sky has a nice, cheery look to it with a few clouds. It almost feels serene… as if you’re at the park about to enjoy a picnic. However, later in the game if you peek outside the sky will be dark and gloomy. It’s a nice touch that reminds me of a quote from the 2004 film Sideways.

Great movie, great acting, great characters :)
Great film, great acting, great characters

When asked if he preferred the strawberry or chocolate cake, Paul Giamatti’s depressed character answered, “I prefer the dark…”

I like their spacious and clunky exits. Charming
I like the spacious and clunky exits

Seeing an exit always made me happy. Not just because it’s on to the next level but because I just enjoy the quirky design of the exits. It’s one of those things you can’t really put into words, but seeing an exit never fails to make me smile.

GUTEN TAG!
GUTEN TAG!

By the way, don’t always assume an exit means you’re home free. Some exits contain elite guards and mutants just waiting to take advantage of lackadaisical players.

Yeah, you know it can't be that easy...
Yeah, you know it can’t be that easy…

One of my favorite parts from the game… the next door lies in waiting straight ahead. But between you and that door?

A bevy of elite guards!
A bevy of elite guards!
Not just a mindless shooter
Not just a mindless shooter

This picture illustrates the beauty of this game. The bosses (as well as the regular enemies) stalk you relentlessly once you’ve been spotted. No short term memories here. Navigate around those walls strategically, using them to your defense. Wolfenstein 3D is far from being simply just a gung-ho kill kill affair. There is some strategy and crafty skills required in order to succeed.

The final battle!
The final battle!
In your face, Staatmeister Hitler!
In your face, Hitler Staatmeister!

CENSORSHIP

EGM called it
EGM called it

It’d be easy to blame the developers for censoring the game when in fact the preview version contained plenty of gore. Unfortunately, Nintendo censored the bloody thing — pun intended. Keep in mind this was half a year before Nintendo changed its stance and adopted a ratings system, which allowed such violent games as Mortal Kombat II to exist.

"RATS!" Indeed
“RATS!” … Indeed

The rabid dogs were originally present in the SNES port but after Nintendo got through with it, we got mutant rats instead. It’s largely cosmetic for the most part, but it’s easy to see why this degree of strict censorship left a bit of a sour taste for many people.

See? Blood was in the beta version
See? Blood was in the beta version

In fact, you can play the beta version as it’s floating out there in the vastness of cyberspace. Those of you adamant on experiencing Wolfenstein 3D on your SNES with red blood over sweat will be pleased — all two of you. Be forewarned though, it’s incomplete. After the first three missions or so it loops. That way you’ll never be able to finish the game. Bummer.

Wolf3DEx1Wolf3DEx2

 

 

 

 

 

Glorious sight indeed. But alas, it just wasn’t meant to be.

Blood doesn't make a game
Blood doesn’t make a game

Does the censorship hurt? Sure. Game killer? Definitely not. The game still plays very well and that’s the most important thing.

It's a blast, blood or not
It’s a blast, blood or not

THE ESSENTIALS ARE STILL INTACT

Rat-a-tat-tat…

It’s impossible to deny that the SNES port was stripped and gutted — killer dogs have been turned into mutant rats, the blood is missing, the levels are smaller and all Nazi signs have been removed. But at its core, Wolfenstein 3D is a good game and that hasn’t changed.

Watch out for those corners…

The gun sounds are relatively weak, but everything else is very well handled. The music has a great beat, the boss themes are intimidating and the voices are surprisingly rather clear. Playing this in stereo is a treat. Hearing “STOP!” from the left and right side simultaneously will get your heart racing. I’ve flinched more times than I care to willingly admit simply by turning a seemingly innocent corner only to be greeted by a loud “STOP!”

Wolf3DEx3Wolf3DEx3b

 

 

 

 

 

Bosses are huge and will make you sweat a little upon first glance.

Wolf3DEx11Wolf3DEx11b

 

 

 

 

 

Better not run out of ammo or else you’re stuck with a puny knife!

Wolf3DEx8Wolf3DEx8b

 

 

 

 

 

Doctor Schabbs is unsettling to the core. First of all, why is his fat ass grinning so much? And check out the dirty syringes that he chucks at you. Ugh, it kind of makes me shiver. There’s nothing worse than a creepy doctor.

Wolf3DExCreepyWolf3DEx7

 

 

 

 

 

Seriously creepy. Stop smiling at me! But you get a key for your troubles.

The bosses utter their one liners with a strange inhuman tone. “I’M COMIN’ TO GIT CHU!” and “I’M COMIN’ FER YOOH!” works surprisingly well. You’re in awe of their sheer size the first time you see the towering bosses. The ÜBERMUTANT in particular is quite the sight for sore eyes. You know he’s waiting for you… you’re strafing the corners and just waiting to find him… finally, when you let your guard down and turn the turner — “I’M COMIN’ FER YOOH!” It’s a rush, no doubt. Not many SNES games are as (in)tense as this one.

Boss battles are fierce
Boss battles are fierce

Backpacks (which allow you to hold more ammo) and first aid kits are scattered about. You’ll also find turkey meat and cheese. The cheese health refills are hilarious. They only recover 4% (!) health. What a strange low number. And why haven’t the mutant rats already eaten the cheese? It’s odd as all hell!

This can't be a good sign...
This can’t be a good sign…

CHEATS

  • 299 Rounds
    Press and hold R while turning the power on. Release R at the title screen, then start a game. Pause and press R, up, B, A
  • All Weapons + Maximum Ammo
    Hold R on controller 2, turn on the SNES and release R at the title screen. During game pause and press R, up, B, A
  • Full Map + All Keys
    Hold R on controller 2, turn on the SNES and release R at the title screen. During game pause and press A, A, up, B
  • God Mode
    Hold R on controller 1, turn on the SNES and release R at the title screen. During game pause the game and press B, up, B, A
  • Level Select
    Hold R on controller 1, turn on the SNES and release R at the title screen, then immediately press up and select
  • Level Skip
    Hold R on controller 1, turn on the SNES and release R at the title screen. During game pause the game and press up, B, R, B

WHAT THE CRITICS SAID

Wolfenstein 3D received scores of 8, 7, 7 and 6 from EGM.

  • Ed Semrad- 7: Good music and huge mazes help you come back for more and more. While there are changes it is still a very good translation… a great game that moves fast
  • Danyon Carpenter- 8: So the blood was removed. Who cares? The game is still a riot! Not many other games put you in the role of gun-toting soldier running rampant through a maze shooting guards and mutants
  • Al Manuel- 6: Although the Swastikas on the wall and Hitler have been removed, this is a pretty good translation
  • Sushi-X- 7: As one of my favorite PC games, this Super NES version almost has everything in the sense of the game play. A good translation
  • Super Play gave it a 78%, citing “Blocky but fun shooter”
  • GameFan gave it scores of 89, 89, 80 and 77% citing “Major fun, buy it!” and “Hair-raising action and sweat-inducing intensity!”

CLOSING THOUGHTS

Over your dead body? I can arrange that
Over your dead body? I can arrange that

There have been quite a few critics of the SNES port but I’ve always loved it. And quite frankly I still do to this very day. Granted, I’ve never thoroughly played the original computer game and thus can’t compare it to the superior originator. I can only base Wolfenstein 3D to other SNES games of its era. There simply aren’t many games like this on the Super Nintendo. Running through mazes mowing down guard after guard is a rush few other SNES games can replicate. It’s a raw and visceral experience. I still break it out every now and then as it’s fun to revisit even after all these years.

Not perfect, but it delivers

Yeah, the graphics get very pixel-y up close but considering the hardware it’s a relatively admirable job. Enemies can still be spotted from afar, which is critical. The boss sprites are incredibly massive, detailed and menacing. The music is catchy — I can still hear some of those tunes in my head. “STOP!” will make you flinch in your seat on occasion and the large mazes are complex and well designed. The gameplay is simply timeless and holds up well. It’s not just a mindless shoot ‘em up. Strafing throughout the labyrinths is key to success as well as using doors and corridors to your distinct advantage.

Whaaaaat a russsssshhhh!!

The enemy AI is very strong to boot. Enemies bum-rush you relentlessly upon sight. They’ll even come from other rooms when they hear the crack of gunshot. Not all doors are soundproof! This lends Wolfenstein a realistic feel and makes things much more interesting, not to mention extra tense! You never know when one innocent shot will lead to a summoning of the undead from many rooms over. You’ll hear doors opening in the far distance faintly. Then as the bad guys come closer and closer, the sound of the door opening gets louder and louder. You’re being stalked throughout the mazes. And it’s an absolute rush laying waste to 20 bad guys within the short span of 30 seconds! Some games never get old, and Wolfenstein 3D is definitely one of those games for me.

Graphics: 7
Sound: 8

Gameplay: 9
Longevity: 7

Award4Overall: 9.0
Gold Award

Rampage (NES)

"GREAT SCOTTS! MY WIFE!" "YOUR WIFE?!?! THAT'S MY GIRLFRIEND!" "WHAT!? THAT'S MY LESBIAN LOVER YOU FOOLS!"
“GREAT SCOTT — MY WIFE!”
“YOUR WIFE?!?! THAT’S MY GIRLFRIEND!”
“WHAT!? THAT’S MY LESBIAN LOVER YOU FOOLS!”

Ah, Rampage. Hard to believe the 1986 arcade game turned 30 last year. Next year will mark 30 years for the 8-bit NES port. Who didn’t play this game back in the day? I remember seeing the lovely cover at my local mom ‘n pop rental shop EVERGREEN VIDEO and absolutely going nuts. I loved monsters and the cover promised monster mayhem and destruction. My old man handed a Washington over to Tom, Evergreen Video’s owner, as my dad did every Saturday afternoon when my brother and I would go to rent the latest NES title. Remember when games were that cheap to rent? Hell, remember when renting games was a thing?! But I digress. That whole car ride home, all five minutes of it, was the longest five minutes of my life. I couldn’t wait to play Rampage. We rushed to our game room, popped it in and the rest is history. The fact that I remember it fondly to this day nearly 30 years later says it all.

KING KONG VS. GODZILLA

MORE AMAZING THAN YOUR EYES CAN BELIEVE!
More amazing than your eyes can believe!

Man, I remember gawking at this VHS cover at Toys R Us in the late ’80s. Toys R Us used to have a super small VHS section that contained Disney movies and the odd Godzilla film. Long before Capcom made crossovers popular in the late ’90s, there was 1962’s KING KONG vs. GODZILLA! I had no clue such a film existed so I nearly crapped my pants when I first saw the box sitting pretty on the shelf. Suddenly I no longer cared about buying that latest ThunderCats toy or the newest Nintendo game. Rather, all I wanted was to walk away with just a movie… from Toys R Us! We’re talkin’ TOYS R US here! You know it had to take a pretty damn special movie to possess any kid to want to do that. King Kong vs. Godzilla was that special. My parents bought it on sight and I remember being a bit disappointed when I finally saw the movie. Still, I liked it enough and had no regrets of not buying Leonardo: Scuba Diving Edition!

Can't wait for their rematch in 2020!
Can’t wait for their rematch in 2020!

Speaking of King Kong, I just watched Kong: Skull Island the other night. It was pretty good, and I am excited for this new “MonsterVerse” that Legendary has created. Crossover franchises are all the rage now, and I can’t wait for King Kong vs. Godzilla to hit theatres on May 29, 2020. That’s sure to be epic.

One of the best shots in any monster film ever!
One of the best shots in any monster film ever
My body is ready. TAKE MY MONEY
My body is ready. TAKE MY MONEY

After discovering the internet in the late ’90s, I purchased a subtitled version of King Kong vs. Godzilla. I enjoyed it a lot more than the English dub. So, how does this all relate to Rampage? Well of course…

I hope you weren't too fond of the wolf guy!
I hope you weren’t too fond of the wolf guy…

RampageNES2

I'll say!
I’ll say!

Yeeeeee-ahhh
A used… pink bathrobe
A rare… mint snowglobe
A Smurf… TV tray
I bought on eBay!

My house… is filled with this crap
Shows up in BUBBLE WRAP
Most every day
What I bought on eBay!

Tell me why I need another pet rock
Tell me why I got that ALF alarm clock
Tell me why I bid on Shatner’s old toupee
They had it on eBay!

I’ll buy… your knick-knack
Just check… my feedback
“A++!”  they all say
They love me on eBay!

Gonna buy a slightly damaged golf bag
Gonna buy some Beanie Babies, new with tag
From some guy I’ve never met in NOOOORWAAAY
Found him on eBay!

I am the type who is liable to snipe you
With two seconds left to go, whoaaaa
Got Paypal or Visa, whatever’ll please ya
As long as I’ve got… THE DOOOUGH!

I’ll buy… your tchotchkes
Sell me… your watch, please
I’ll buy… I’ll buy, I’ll buy, I’ll buy…
I’M HIGHEST BIDDER!!

JUNK KEEPS ARRIVING IN THE MAIL
FROM THAT WORLDWIDE GARAGE SALE (Dukes Of Hazard ashtray)
Hey! A Dukes Of Hazard ashtray
OHHHH YEAH… I bought it on eBay!

Wanna buy a Pac-Man Fever lunchbox
Wanna buy a case of vintage tube socks
Wanna buy a Kleenex used by Dr. Dre, used by Dr. Dre!
Found it on eBay!

Wanna buy that Farrah Fawcet poster
Pez dispensers and a toaster
DON’T KNOW WHY… the kind of stuff you’d throw away
I’ll buy on eBay!

What I bought on eBay-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y!

Stop staring at me and do it you goof!
Stop staring at me and do it you goof!

RampageNES4

[That's not kinky at all... -Ed.]
[That’s not kinky at all… -Ed.]
RampageNES6

Jump safely off, or fall down and lose health
Jump safely off, or fall down and lose health
Hey, I did originally write this review in 2008...
Hey, I did originally write this review in 2008…
Better enjoy it -- there's not a whole lot...
Better enjoy it — there’s not a whole lot…

RampageNES10

[No wonder he moved, and it ain't coz of the hairy ape -Ed.]
[No wonder he moved, and it ain’t coz of the ape -Ed.]
RampageNES12

See that little guy?
See that guy?
YUMMY!
YUMMY!
[I knew there was something funny about the ape -Ed.]
[I knew there was something funny about the ape -Ed.]
I CAN HARDLY CONTAIN MY EXCITEMENT. CAN YOU?!?!
I CAN HARDLY CONTAIN MY EXCITEMENT. CAN YOU?
I mean, look how beautiful Vegas is! So let's check it out
I mean, look how beautiful Vegas is! So let’s see…
Bloody hell, man. That's it?!
Bloody hell, man. That’s it?!
Love that sign. Brings some much needed variety
Love that sign. Brings some much needed variety

Indeed. The best part of the game is scaling a building that allows you to clobber that one, the one behind it and the one next to it as well. That, along with playing with your brother or friend, was as good as it got in Rampage.

Hmmm, where have I seen this before?
Hmmm, where have I seen this before?
Ah yes of course... THE KING OF MONSTERS!
Ah yes of course… THE KING OF MONSTERS!
[Damn you Bowe, I had money on you that night -Ed.]
[Damn you Bowe, I had money on you that night -Ed.]
Fan Man dropping by...
Fan Man dropping by…

November 6, 1993 marks one of the strangest incidents ever witnessed in sports history. It was a rematch between Riddick Bowe and Evander Holyfield. During round seven, a fan parachuted down just missing the ring. The bizarre incident caused a 21 minute delay.

Holyfield eventually won the bout after the fight went 12 rounds. He regained his World Heavyweight title. It was the only loss Riddick Bowe would ever suffer in his boxing career.

RampageNES19

RampageNES18

RampageConquerRampageConquer1

 

 

 

 

 

Every five or so stages, you conquer another region. No password or save system made beating this game a daunting and tedious chore.

RAMPAGE THROUGH THE YEARS

The boys are back in town ♫ ♫ ♫
The boys are back in town  ♫ ♫ ♫

I was a bit saddened when we never got a Super Rampage on the SNES. I thought that spelled the end but Rampage saw a revival during the 32-bit generation in the form of Rampage World Tour. I bought a copy back in 2003 and it’s OK for what it is, but I was disappointed there wasn’t a three player mode. There was no excuse for that especially since the Saturn could more than handle it. Therefore the port always came off as incredibly lazy to me.

The last Rampage game to date
The last Rampage game to date

Rampage: Total Destruction came out on the Wii in 2006. Who knows if Rampage will ever be resurrected again (in video game form).

Well, speaking about a resurrection...
Well, speaking about a resurrection…

Coming to theatres in April 2018 — Rampage starring Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson. The Rock is no stranger to video game movie adaptations. This will be his second video game film, with his first being 2005’s Doom. That was not a good movie. Hopefully Rampage turns out OK, and I think it will. We’ll find out in about a year!

CLOSING THOUGHTS

RampageNES20

Even nearly 30 years ago, I knew Rampage wasn’t a great game or anything. It’s best played with a like minded bud for no more than 15 minutes. Is there a more mindless one trick pony game than Rampage? It is what it is. It can be fun to pop in for a few minutes once in a blue moon but it’s not something you’ll want to play often. I’ll always remember Rampage for its cool box art and allowing kids to live out our fantasy of being a towering monster crushing buildings left and right — even if it fell way short of what we imagined. I guess there’s only so much you can do with this sort of format. Rampage is one of those games that gives you the nostalgic feels but the memories far surpass the actual experience, if that makes sense. It’s certainly a memorable relic from the good old NES days of late ’80s yore.

The arcade marquee is forever burned in my mind
The arcade marquee is forever burned in my mind

3 Ninjas Kick Back (SNES)

Pub: Sony | Dev: Malibu | November 1994 | 16 MEGS
Pub: Sony | Dev: Malibu | November 1994 | 16 MEGS

It’s Friday, March 3. This date is known for two things. First, Nintendo released their brand new Nintendo Switch on this day. But the even bigger thing? Today marks 3 Ninjas Day. March 3. 3/3. 3 Ninjas. Geddit? OK, all kidding aside, 3 Ninjas Kick Back has its place in Super Nintendo lore. The box and manual command a small fortune. Diehard collectors place insane bids whenever either shows up on eBay. The game itself is rarely talked about and whenever it is, people usually bash the hell out of it. Released with no fanfare, 3 Ninjas Kick Back came and went like so many other SNES games in the mid ’90s. But for once, I’d like to take a moment to highlight the game itself rather than the box and manual. Is the game really that bad? In short, no. In fact, from where I sit at least, it’s actually pretty decent. But before I get to that, I have to address the elephant in the room…

SERIOUS BUSINESS

SNES collectors, be ready to pay a premium
SNES collectors, be ready to pay a premium

It’s no secret that SNES games these days tend to command a pretty penny. Particularly the boxes and manuals. The market has steadily climbed the past seven years or so. Sure, prices have fluctuated but I don’t think the “bubble” will burst any time soon. Take, for instance, 3 Ninjas Kick Back. If you didn’t know by now, the box and manual for this game is rather scarce. So when it does pop up, it fetches a staggering price. It’s seemed to come down a bit in recent times, though. But the cartridge itself has gone from $20 to $100+. Go figure. A few years back, a complete copy actually sold for $2,000. You read right — TWO THOUSAND FREAKING BUCKS. Holy crap. But a check on eBay reveals a complete copy recently ended at “just” $500. That’s still plenty nuts when you think about it! It makes me glad I got back into the scene when I did (January 2006). The demand for these relics from our youth is at an all-time high like never before.

Mind.Blown.FATALITY
Insanity. The game itself now hits $100+ as of 2017

When I got back into all things SNES in January 2006, I didn’t really care about owning the boxes and manuals. Aside from RPG manuals, I was fine with having just the cartridge. Once I bought the majority of the games I wanted, I bought a few boxes and manuals where I could due to how cheap they were at the time. As I saw my collection expanding, the urge to own a “complete” collection grew and grew. I took that goal seriously when I began snatching up boxes and manuals to complete my cartridges in 2007. Due to boxes and manuals typically going for peanuts (relatively speaking), I was able to cross them off my list one by one between the years 2007-2011. Only one eluded me all those years: 3 Ninjas Kick Back. I only saw the box and manual maybe three or four times in the five years I’d been hunting. Each one sold for a fair amount. I was lucky to buy the manual in late 2011 before acquiring the box in March 2012.

What a way to go out
What a way to go out

I consider my acquisition of the 3 Ninjas Kick Back box to be the moment I more or less retired from active SNES collecting. This month actually mark five years since I bought the box. I didn’t even realize that until just now. It’s pretty cool when these random things happen like such. Time flies!

A high price sucker I sold to fund the 3 Ninjas Kick Back box
I sold this rare box to fund the 3 Ninjas Kick Back box

To fund the insane amount it took to buy the box, I parted with some highly sought after SNES items of my own that I was willing to sacrifice. I sold off my copy of Incantation. It included the manual and a pretty banged up box for $200 (it’s another high end SNES collectible). I sold some doubles as well to finally amass enough to cover the charge. Nothing feels sweeter than not having to pay out of your own pocket, so to speak!

3NinBack

It feels damn good to be retired ^_^

INSTANT CHILDHOOD CULT CLASSIC

Every kid liked this back in the early '90s
Every kid liked this back in the early ’90s

Movies like Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles and Home Alone were smash hits in 1990. Someone had the brilliant idea of crossing the two and thus, in the summer of 1992, 3 Ninjas was born. My brother and I loved it. We rented and watched it dozens of times, damn near wearing out the tape. Take three young brothers trained in ninja techniques from a young age, throw in Victor Wong as the ass kicking Grandpa Mori along with some dim-witted hooligans to serve as the perfect foil, and you get an instant childhood cult classic.

Rocky, Colt and Tum Tum rock out with Grandfather Mori
Rocky, Colt and Tum Tum jam with Grandpa Mori

If you mix Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles with Home Alone, you would get something very similar to 3 Ninjas. It was so successful that it spawned three sequels: 1994’s 3 Ninjas Kick Back, 1995’s 3 Ninjas Knuckle Up, and 1998’s 3 Ninjas: High Noon at Mega Mountain (starring Hulk Hogan who at the time was leading the nWo… Ninja World Order). I’ve only seen the first two. The first film is the best. The first sequel was decent but clearly the magic was gone by then. I rather not watch the last two films based on what I’ve heard…

Such a guilty pleasure childhood movie :)
Such a guilty pleasure childhood movie this was!  :)
Loved every second of this childhood classic
Loved every second of this childhood classic

THE STORY GOES…

Grandpa Mori is one to talk. He's been eating good too
Grandpa Mori’s one to talk; he’s been eating good too
A plot matched by only Citizen Kane, it's ninja time!
A plot matched by only Citizen Kane, it’s ninja time!
Yo have to love Victor Wong and his lazy eye
Yo have to love the OG Victor Wong and his lazy eye
Grandpa Mori is an OG. Don't mess with Texas or Mori
Grandpa Mori is legit. Don’t mess with Texas or him

3NKB13

Tum Tum might be the smallest SNES protagonist ever
Tum Tum — the smallest SNES protagonist ever?

3NKB153NKB163NKB17

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

While an action platformer at heart, there is a slight beat ‘em up feel to 3 Ninjas Kick Back. This is thanks to each ninja having his own special move. It’s good for taking out a crowd of enemies but it comes at the expense of some health. This platforming / beat ‘em up hybrid style works!

Nice looking manual covers the game mechanics nicely
The manual is well written and designed
I love these intros. The rays throb as catchy music plays
I love the intros. The rays throb as catchy music plays
Stick it out to get to the better stuff...
Stick it out to get to the better stuff…

You start out on a small ledge which is magically suspended in mid-air. A giant boulder rests behind you. As soon as you start moving to the right, it falls and gives chase. This can easily frustrate players right off the bat; the game doesn’t start off so hot. But press on because it does get better.

It really does get better. Honest
It really does get better. Honest

As you try to outrun the rolling rock of doom, stalactites fall on cue. You have two options here. Eat each of the three falling attacks, or stop and wait for the stalactite to drop harmlessly while the rock rolls you over. Thankfully, the rock only saps four of your six health boxes. Or you can race through the three stalactites and eat three hits of damage before leaping to safety. Either way, you can’t avoid getting hit here. I can see why this left a bad taste in people’s mouth right off the bat  -_-

What good would a platformer be without some swinging?
Can’t have a platformer without some swinging…

You can propel yourself to new heights by grabbing onto a rope, vine or tree branch. It does take a bit of working out to get the hang of things, but once you do you’ll be swinging around like a monkey. The control isn’t perfect but it’s not terrible, either. Workable describes it best.

Only Tum Tum is small enough to duck the shurikens
Only Tum Tum is tiny enough to duck the shurikens

Very nice indeed, those red crystals. They even cause unseen items high above the screen to fall down for the taking. I also like how the screen turns red as a bursting sound effect rips across the land. Good stuff, and it was little details like this early on that gave me hope this might actually turn out to be a decent little game.

3NKB24

I usually don’t care for collecting items in platformers. It’s something I do out of necessity rather than enjoyment. But in 3 Ninjas Kick Back I’ll actually go out of my way to collect them all. That’s because when you collect one, you hear a sweet sound effect. Plus it’s fun to see the mini stars and point bonuses popping up.

Looks just like Victor Wong, little white goatee and all!
Looks just like Victor Wong, little white goatee and all

3NKB26

Ouch, talk about a serious butt burn
Ouch, talk about a serious butt burn
Speaking of burns, who put that evil campfire there?!
Speaking of burns, who put that evil campfire there?
Um, let's move on. This level lasts like ... 10 seconds
Um, let’s move on. This level lasts like… 10 seconds
The training dummies are from the actual movie itself
The training dummies are from the actual film itself
Finally, a level you can sink your teeth in
Finally, a level you can sink your teeth in
Nice. But this one is at the beginning of the level. D'oh!
But this one is at the beginning of the level. D’oh!

Take care of Mori's shrivel up old ass! [DAT visual -Ed.]
Take care of Mori’s shriveled old ass! [DAT visual -Ed.]
Remember when video games had health boxes? 3 Ninjas Kick Back does. There’s also a timer which adds a sense of urgency. This game elicits a bit of an old school 8-bit NES platforming feel, which is perfectly fine by me.

3NKB343NKB34b

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Destroy all eight training dummies before the timer expires. Scattered throughout the forest, you’ll be searching high and low. Some are tucked away in alcoves. Others are heavily guarded by obstacles and various dangers. And never forget: look before you leap. Dummies require several hits to break. I love the way their limbs go flying in every which direction! My personal method of preference? Why, swinging overhead until they submit to my heart’s foul desires!

That caramel green apple restores two health boxes
That caramel green apple restores two health boxes

Being a youthful nimble ninja certainly has its advantages. You can leap pretty high on your own, but you’ll soar like a bird when combining your techniques with your environment.

Love the swirling mist that permeates this forest
Love the swirling mist that permeates this forest

Grabbing onto a rope can be a little tricky. You have to press up while jumping. Be ready to aim for the tree branch there should you miss the rope. Any port in a storm, eh?

Gray bombs drop while black ones can be flung
Gray bombs drop while black ones can be flung
That was way too close!
That was way too close…
"You've heard of ingenuity. I call this NINJA-NUITY!"
“You’ve heard of ingenuity. I call this NINJA-NUITY!

Mori and rival ninjas will occasionally fire a series of shurikens at you from high above. Thankfully, you can block these ninja stars with a well-timed overhead attack. I love that this offensive strike doubles as a defensive tool. And look at how the shurikens bounce harmlessly off your weapon — nice!

Evokes memories of childhood birthday piñata parties
Just like your childhood birthday piñata parties

Don’t look scared now, Rocky. This dummy thought he was clever hiding out in this alcove but even his most deceptive and cunning strategy cannot evade your deft ninja senses. It’s time to do the honors. Give the piñata a couple stiff whacks. NEXT!

"You taught me... a TRUE ninja never accepts a bribe. HI-YAAA!"
“A true ninja NEVER accepts a bribe. HI-YAAA!”

As the dummies start to dwindle down and Mori realizes your true ninja potential, he decides to employ a different strategy — good old fashioned bribery!

That's a big piece of wood in-between Rocky's legs...
Big piece of wood you got there, Rocky  [… -Ed.]
Bridges, ledges, alcoves. Every square inch here is teeming with danger. Wooden blocks shoot out sharp needles while bloodthirsty bats are out on the prowl. Thankfully, you’re skilled enough to attack while hanging from a ledge. Once you show that flippant bat who’s boss, use your core strength to flip up and put that block out of its misery.

GO NINJA GO NINJA GO!
GO NINJA GO NINJA GO!

I like playing as these nimble little bastards. They can hang on, flip up or flip down. Different options lead to more gameplay variety. Being able to do a number of things from this position presents you with a set of choices and really puts you in the driver’s seat. It’s details like this that help make 3 Ninjas Kick Back surprisingly decent.

3 Ninjas Kick Back is often misjudged. Give it a shot!
3 Ninjas Kick Back is often misjudged. Give it a shot

This is where the game begins to pick up some steam. I suspect those that bash this game quit before getting to this level. The first couple levels are uninspiring and meh. It’s easy to stop there and declare the game worthless. But players who press on may find some actual merit.

Faithful to the film, we see the three bumbling idiots
Faithful to the film, we see the three bumbling idiots
Can Glam, Slam and Vinnie, bring the knife home?
Can Glam, Slam and Vinnie bring the knife home?
"Steal it BACK? But you never had it." "SHADDUP YOU FOOL!"
“Steal it BACK?  But um… boss, you never had it.”
“YOU SHADDUP, YOU GAWD DAMN FOOL!”
Before entering Mori's cabin you must survive this
Before entering Mori’s cabin you must survive this
Collect the bombs quickly. Not a moment to waste
Collect the bombs quickly. Not a moment to waste!
Tum Tum is so small he can actually duck these attacks
Tum Tum is so small he can actually duck that punch

3NKB513NKB51b3NKB51c

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

You’re hanging precariously on the ledge as a black ninja (with an even blacker heart) maliciously heaves a barrage of shurikens. But being the nimble ninja you are, you manage to evade the attack by flipping up and snapping his neck in two. All in one fell swoop. It doesn’t get much better than that.

[This game rocks? No, but it has rocks... -Ed.]
[This game rocks? No, but it has rocks… -Ed.]
A fat ninja. A bit of an oxymoron, no?
A fat ninja. A bit of an oxymoron, no?
The troll-looking nurse also  comes from the movie
The troll-looking nurse also comes from the movie
[Now THAT'S what I call the "blind leading the blind..." -Ed.]
[Now that’s what I call the “blind leading the blind” -Ed.]
One of my favorite levels, this is right out of the movie
One of my favorite levels, this is right out of the film
You never know what you might get
You know what Forest Gump said about chocolates…

Really?! Another Mori Marker to start out the stage. You can’t help but laugh a little bit. Grandpa Mori straight up trolling us now!

Ever get hit in the nuts by a basketball? Yeah...
Ever get hit in the nuts by a basketball? Yep…

You’ll run into Koga’s nephew, Glam, and his two bumbling lackeys, Slam and Vinnie, throughout Mori’s not so secluded cabin. This is the first stage that lets you interact with the environment. For example, you can kick a basketball at the fumbling Grungers. The amount of different ways you can dispose of them is rather humorous.

It mimics the spirit of the film very well
It mimics the spirit of the movie very well

You have three options here:

1. Bash him until he sees little yellow birdies.

2. Shatter his shin with that rolling Tonka truck of doom!

3. Cranium crushing chandelier!

Whichever method you prefer, it suits the game’s goofy slapstick atmosphere extremely well.

Electrocution via drenched toaster? Nice!
Electrocution via drenched toaster? Nice!

The hi-jinx and shenanigans continue. You can either lure one of the goons and let him slip on the water, or for the truly sadistic folks out there you can knock the toaster over into the pool of water. You can imagine what happens next when one of the bumbling buffoons stumble right into your trap — ZAP! Come on, can a game with this kind of humor really be THAT bad?

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Seriously, how bad can a game really be when it lets you electrocute the hell out of an enemy in such a comical fashion? You can’t help but appreciate the dash of black comedy here.

"Hey, ninjas don't play that!"
“Hey, ninjas don’t play that!”
An epic war, or the greatest sleepover party ever?
An epic war, or the greatest sleepover party ever?
Michael Jackson would agree [STILL too soon! -Ed.]
Michael Jackson would agree…  [STILL too soon! -Ed.]
The exterior of Mori's Cabin is even more dangerous...
The exterior of Mori’s cabin is even more dangerous

Glam just doesn’t know when to quit. But you have bigger fish to fry, such as finding the last three items. Make your way to the rooftop where things get a wee bit hairier.

Time to take out the ninja trash. FLASH SOME STEEL
Time to take out the ninja trash. Flash some steel

These black ninjas rule the rooftop, making life more difficult than Glam, Slam and Vinnie ever could. Watch out for the sandwich attacks. When they toss their deadly shurikens from high above, swing your weapon overhead to cancel their foul plans. Few things in this game satisfy like hearing and seeing a bevy of ninja stars clank off your sword.

"DAMN SPIDER-MAN... save some for me!"
“Save some for me, Spider-Man!”

Up until now you may have noticed there hasn’t been any bosses. If you’re anything like me, then you get a big kick out of confronting a traditional boss at the conclusion of each stage. 3 Ninjas Kick Back actually does have a few bosses, but only a few. The first of which will come in the next stage. Typically, it annoys me when there isn’t a boss at the end of each level, but for this game, I didn’t mind it. It even seemed to fit the game, oddly enough. The few bosses that do exist are by no means memorable boss battles. A few of them are downright annoying.

That is REALLY disturbing...
That is REALLY disturbing…
A fun level due to its highly interactive environment
A fun level due to its highly interactive environment
Slam should have stayed in school...
Slam clearly should have stayed in school…

Hospitals are places you’d rather avoid if you can. But this wacky hospital is a fun romp thanks in large part to its black comedy moments.

This summer's blockbuster... CAN OF STEEL
This summer’s blockbuster: Can of Steel

Strike this metal trash can to send it packing. The interactive environment adds to the game’s charm and is true to its source material. These hi-jinx opportunities occur in only a few levels, but I like how they’re sandwiched in-between the more serious stages.

One man's junk is another man's treasure
One man’s junk is another man’s treasure

“NOTHING STOPS THIS TRASH CAN” as the great Heisenberg would say. It doubles as a defensive and offensive prop ^_^

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Rescue the hostages and free the slaves!

Confirms what we already knew: hospitals are lethal
Confirms what we already knew: hospitals are lethal
Mori Salamanca! "Ring your bell if ya can hear me!"
Mori Salamanca! “Ring your bell if you can hear me!”
I can see it now... 3 NINJAS: KICKING BAD. Or not
I can see it now… 3 NINJAS: KICKING BAD. Or not
Mori goes from ninja assassin to wheelchair madman
Mori goes from ninja assassin to wheelchair madman

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“Who are you talking to right now?
Who is it you think you see?
Do you know how much I have made from the 3 NINJAS movies?
I mean even if I told you, you wouldn’t believe me.
No you clearly don’t know who you’re talking to, so let me clue you in.
I am NOT in danger, Mister MUTHA-FUKKEN Grunger.
I AM THE DANGER!

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“Who the hell are you?”

“You know exactly who I am. Say my name.”

“DO WHAT? Man, I don’t have a DAMN clue who the hell you are.”

“Yeah you do. I’m the kook. I’m the man who killed the box office.”

“Bullshit. The CROW got the box office. 50 million. May 11, 1994.”

“You sure? That’s right. Now… SAY MY NAME.”

“… MORI-SAN-BERG.”

“YOU’RE GOD DAMN RIGHT!”

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PSST, WHAT’S THE PASSWORD?

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WHAT THE CRITICS SAID

It's got a bit of a rocky rep, this one...
It’s got a bit of a rocky rep, this one…

3 Ninjas Kick Back received minimal press back in the day. I don’t recall one review or preview for the SNES version. Keep in mind that both EGM and GameFan Magazine covered a LOT of games. So it was pretty rare for a Super Nintendo game to miss the cut entirely. Part of that no doubt is the fact that 3 Ninjas Kick Back arrived at a tightly contested time. That holiday season of ’94 was a star studded lineup for the SNES. Being a licensed game of a movie series that wasn’t exactly hot at the time didn’t do it any favors. A 3 Ninjas game released in 1992 would have done much better. Instead, 3 Ninjas Kick Back found itself stuck between a rock and a hard place with nowhere to go but down into a spike-filled pit. This game has a negative reputation online. I wonder how many people who wrote this game off actually played it beyond the first couple levels. It’s no gem by any stretch of the imagination, but it’s really not that shabby and doesn’t deserve the hate that it seems to get.

WHAT THE BOX SAID | WHAT I SAY

Let's address these seven points...
Let’s put the back of the box to the test…

1. The visuals are a little bland in some parts while decent looking in others. “Scorching hot” is classic mid ’90s hyperbole.

2. Interacting with the various items is probably the best thing about this game, but sadly it is only for a few levels.

3. A two player co-op option is definitely nice. But I’m not sure about “intense.”

4. If by “tons” they meant “some” then sure, OK.

5. Sound effects are surprisingly pretty cool, but not “awesome.”

6. Definitely not many nasty looking bosses as there are only three or so.

7. While the later levels have a bit more “meat” to them, the earlier levels are incredibly short. There’s even one level that you can polish off in about 10 seconds flat. So yeah, not exactly “huge.”

All in all, your typical exaggerated back of the box to hype the game up as much as possible. To their credit, while the hyperbole is a bit off, at least it’s a playable game. It is very faithful to the film and Malibu did the best they could with the license.

CLOSING THOUGHTS

Better than it had any right to be!
Better than it had any right to be!

While 3 Ninjas Kick Back will never be mentioned in the same breath as the classics of the SNES library, it shouldn’t be lumped in with some of the true SNES stinkers, either. It’s a decent game that has a quirky quasi-beat ‘em up feel to it, spliced in with copious amounts of platforming action. Then pepper in a few sprinkles of dark comedy for good measure and you get a surprisingly decent effort.

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One of the great things about this hobby is the ability to play these old games for the first time and form your own opinion. After playing this game thoroughly I was genuinely shocked at all the negative feedback this one received in the past. The beautiful thing about this hobby is you might like a game most people don’t. The longer I played 3 Ninjas Kick Back, the more I appeciated what the programmers did. Little details like flinging a toy truck into a bumbling lackey’s shin or deflecting a projectile attack from above with a well-timed overhead swing, 3 Ninjas Kick Back is a lot more playable than one may initially expect. Besides, what can beat throwing your old wheelchair bound Grandpa Mori into an unsuspecting punk?

3NKB87With three different characters to select from, a two player mode and some quirky levels to navigate, 3 Ninjas Kick Back is a surprisingly solid licensed video game. Whether it’s rigorous skirmishes with your grandpa in the forest, or outwitting the Grungers and crew in the hospital, the game features some nice versatility. I love the levels with objects in the background that you can interact with. It’s a game that doesn’t take itself too seriously; I find the dark humor to be rather subtle and effective. The game can be a bit difficult in certain spots, but it can be vanquished with some good ole persistence and smarts. There aren’t a lot of bosses, and the few that exist aren’t particularly well executed, so in the end perhaps the lack of bosses is a blessing in disguise. It’s the level designs instead that somewhat deliver. They’re not original or overly brilliant but they’re competently structured, providing some platforming fun along the way. 3 Ninjas Kick Back is a fairly decent game that offers a somewhat enjoyable mix of the beat ‘em up and platforming genre. It was much better than I anticipated it to be, but of course, your mileage may vary. Not every game has to be a classic — there’s definitely a place for quirky decent games with a healthy dose of humor. And this game fits that bill better than expected.

Graphics: 6.5
Sound: 6.5
Gameplay: 6.5
Longevity: 6.5

Overall: 6.5

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"LET'S MURDER-LIZE THEM!"
“LET’S MURDERLIZE THEM!”

ADDITIONAL MEDIA

Admittedly, these were cheesy films. And some things are better left to your childhood memories ;)