Ah Rampage. Next month the NES port turns 20 years old. Who DIDN'T play this game back in the day?  I remember seeing the lovely cover at the local mom 'n pop rental shop EVERGREEN VIDEO and absolutely going nuts. I loved monsters, the cover promised hi-octane action for me and my brother and it just looked like a really sick game. So our dad plopped down the dollar ninety-nine (remember when games were that cheap to rent?  Hell, remember when you used to rent games?!) and that whole car ride home, all 5 minutes of it, I simply couldn't wait to rip into this one. We rushed to
our game room, jammed in RAMPAGE and the rest is history. OK, maybe not quite, but the fact that I remember it fondly to this day still speaks volumes, to me at least. Your goal, of course, is to smash down every single last damn building in sight while avoiding enemy fire from the humans, or, you could just eat 'em. Say good-bye to the wolf from the arcade game though
"GREAT SCOTTS MY WIFE!"
"YOUR WIFE?!?!  THAT'S MY GIRLFRIEND!"
"WHAT!?  THAT'S MY LESBIAN LOVER YOU FOOLS!"

Man, I *SO* remember gawking at this VHS cover at Toys R Us (remember their super small VHS section that had Disney movies and the odd Godzilla film?). Long LONG before Street Fighter vs. X-Men, Marvel vs. Capcom or DC Universe vs. Mortal Kombat, there was the granddaddy of them all: KING KONG vs. GODZILLA!
I had NO clue such a film was ever crafted so when I first saw this cover sitting pretty on the shelf at a Toys R Us sometime in the late '80s/early '90s, I almost crapped my pants. Imagine, a little kid who didn't care any longer about buying that latest Thundercats toy, or the newest Nintendo game, but rather all he wanted was to walk away with just a movie... from Toys R Us!  We're talkin' TOYS R US here!  You know it had to take a pretty damn special movie to possess any kid to do that, and King Kong vs. Godzilla WAS THAT. My parents bought it on sight and I remember being a bit disappointed with it when I finally saw the movie. Still, I liked it enough and had no regrets I bought this instead of buying Leonardo Scuba Diving edition


Years later, when I discovered the internet in the late '90s, I purchased a sub-titled version of King Kong vs. Godzilla. Lemme tell ya, that was a much superior movie!  It's one of my favorites from the Godzilla franchise. So, how does this all relate to Rampage?  Well of course...
                                                           MORE AMAZING THAN YOUR EYES CAN BELIEVE!

I hope you weren't too fond of the wolf guy!

Speaking of which.... CLICK ON ME!  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YKtlK7sn0JQ.

Yeeeeee-ahhh
A used... pink bathrobe
A rare... mint snowglobe
A Smurf... TV tray
I bought on eBay!


My house... is filled with this crap
Shows up in BUBBLE WRAP
Most every day
What I bought on eBay!


Tell me why I need another pet rock
Tell me why I got that ALF alarm clock
Tell me why I bid on Shatner's old toupee
They had it on eBay!


I'll buy... your knick-knack
Just check... my feedback
"A++!"  they all say
They love me on eBay!


Gonna buy a slightly-damaged golf bag
Gonna buy some Beanie Babies, new with tag
From some guy I've never met in NOOOORWAAAY
Found him on eBay!


I am the type who is liable to snipe you
With two seconds left to go, whoaaaa
Got Paypal or Visa, whatever'll please ya
As long as I've got... THE DOOOUGH!


I'll buy... your tchotchkes
Sell me... your watch, please
I'll buy... I'll buy, I'll buy, I'll buy...
I'M HIGHEST BIDDER!!


JUNK KEEPS ARRIVING IN THE MAIL
FROM THAT WORLDWIDE GARAGE SALE (Dukes Of Hazard ashtray)
Hey!  A Dukes Of Hazard ashtray
OHHHH YEAH... I bought it on eBay!


Wanna buy a PacMan Fever lunchbox
Wanna buy a case of vintage tube socks
Wanna buy a Kleenex used by Dr. Dre, used by Dr. Dre!
Found it on eBay!


Wanna buy that Farrah Fawcet poster
Pez dispensers and a toaster
DON'T KNOW WHY... the kind of stuff you'd throw away
I'll buy on eBay!


What I bought on eBay-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y!

[Fascinating.. -Ed.]

Stop staring at me and do it you goof!

Jump safely off, or fall down and lose health

                                                So end his misery for him -- suicide's a sin ya know!

Better enjoy it, there's not a WHOLE lot..

[No wonder he moved, and it ain't coz of the hairy ape... -Ed.]

                                             Know what they say: You are who you eat, or something

See that little guy jogging there?  Jump down
and eat his ass!  YUMMY GOES THE TUMMY!

[Double meaning FTW. I always knew there was something funny with the ape -Ed.]

                                                           I CAN HARDLY WAIT -- CAN YOU?!?!

Bummer

                                                    Not that I expected something like this you see...

Indeed. The best part of the game is scaling a building that allows you to clobber that one, the one behind it, and the one next to it as well. That, along with playing with your brother or friend, was as good as it got in Rampage






Love that sign there. Definitely brought some much needed variety

                                                           Hmmm, where have I seen this before?

Ah yes of course... THE KING OF MONSTERS!

                                                  [Please... bad memories. DAMN YOU BOWE!  -Ed.]

November 6, 1993...


Rematch between Riddick Bowe and
Evander Holyfield. During round 7, one
of the most bizarre moments in boxing,
HELL, sporting history occurred when
some stupid bloke parachuted down just
missing the ring. He went on to become
known as FAN MAN


Holyfield won when the contest was restored
20 minutes later. 12 round decision. He had
regained his World Heavyweight title

"BOMBS AWAY!"

                                                                 Uh oh... Turkey Day's nearing...

NEVER?  [EVER -Ed.]

Every 5 or so stages, you conquer another region. Flippin' shame there wasn't a
password or save option... sheesh!

RAMPAGE TODAY

Rampage saw a revival during the 32-bit generation with Rampage World Tour. I didn't find it particularly well done, but I'll have to give it another shot. I remember hunting down the Saturn version in 2003 being very excited to see how it fared

Rampage lives on today with Rampage Total Destruction (for the Wii)







                                                                           "BLAAAAAAAH!"

CLOSING THOUGHTS

Even twenty years ago, I knew Rampage wasn't the definition of cutting-edge or splendid gameplay. It's a game best played in 15 minute spurts and with a like-minded bud. Is there
a more mindless one trick pony game than NES Rampage?  It is what it is. Fun game once in a while but not something you'll want to play every day. I'll always remember it for its cool box cover art and the premise of allowing kids
to live out their fantasies, even if it fell short of what we imagined. Just another memorable little game from the NES era... good memories renting it a couple times at my old favorite mom 'n pop shop EVERGREEN VIDEO*. Rampage was to me as twinkies were to fat kids everywhere: it was my comfort food. Whenever I didn't feel like playing a new game or taking a chance on that game, I returned to the tried-and-true: RAMPAGE. Even if, like a candy bar, the rush was short-lived and you certainly don't want to consume it every bloody day

But it's certainly a memorable relic from the NES days

*For more on Evergreen Video, see Memories of Renting